I am split in two and I wonder which side of myself
side of myself
side of myself am I an imposter – which lesser part of
am I an imposter – which lesser part of
am I an imposter – which lesser part of me betrays the truer self or is there a
me betrays the truer self or is there a
me betrays the truer self or is there a distantly operating separate projections
distantly operating separate projections
distantly operating separate projections please pay no mind to the woman behind
please pay no mind to the woman behind
please pay no mind to the woman behind the curtain I wonder how many body
the curtain I wonder how many body
the curtain I wonder how many body shells of mine must walk around
shells of mine must walk around
shells of mine must walk around unoccupied for the amount of times that
unoccupied for the amount of times that
unoccupied for the amount of times that I have shed my skin how many of those
I have shed my skin how many of those
I have shed my skin how many of those ghosts have approached a friend in a
ghosts have approached a friend in a
ghosts have approached a friend in a haunting making them believe I’m who I
haunting making them believe I’m who I
haunting making them believe I’m who I used to be when I stretch my neck
used to be when I stretch my neck
used to be when I stretch my neck towards the heavens at night
towards the heavens at night
towards the heavens at night I am marveled at stars seeming to touch
I am marveled at stars seeming to touch
I am marveled at stars seeming to touch or connect to form Ellis trations of
or connect to form Ellis trations of
or connect to form Ellis trations of deities only we are told each one of
deities only we are told each one of
deities only we are told each one of these stars are millions of miles torn
these stars are millions of miles torn
these stars are millions of miles torn from one another
from one another
from one another unaware of aliens on earth creating
unaware of aliens on earth creating
unaware of aliens on earth creating pictures with them how is it I feel
pictures with them how is it I feel
pictures with them how is it I feel myself contained in one skeleton yet a
myself contained in one skeleton yet a
myself contained in one skeleton yet a division leaves me at stars lengths away
division leaves me at stars lengths away
division leaves me at stars lengths away what a display that must show for
what a display that must show for
what a display that must show for everyone else just as long as you’re far
everyone else just as long as you’re far
everyone else just as long as you’re far back enough to see and you’ll be sure
back enough to see and you’ll be sure
back enough to see and you’ll be sure I’ll place you on earth and present
I’ll place you on earth and present
I’ll place you on earth and present myself up in the stars but behind me is
myself up in the stars but behind me is
myself up in the stars but behind me is still a black hole waiting to rip me
still a black hole waiting to rip me
still a black hole waiting to rip me apart I have a capacity to conjure up
apart I have a capacity to conjure up
apart I have a capacity to conjure up Canterbury Tales so aware of my
Canterbury Tales so aware of my
Canterbury Tales so aware of my receiving end so I structure my jesters
receiving end so I structure my jesters
receiving end so I structure my jesters never to be ridiculed because I
never to be ridiculed because I
never to be ridiculed because I carefully color in while a hunger
carefully color in while a hunger
carefully color in while a hunger Fester’s in my stomach climbs up to my
Fester’s in my stomach climbs up to my
Fester’s in my stomach climbs up to my throat to skew and twist all words that
throat to skew and twist all words that
throat to skew and twist all words that leave my mouth to sound appealing to
leave my mouth to sound appealing to
leave my mouth to sound appealing to your ear leaving authenticity arbitrary
your ear leaving authenticity arbitrary
your ear leaving authenticity arbitrary only artificial apparitions to please an
only artificial apparitions to please an
only artificial apparitions to please an audience I wonder if you were to beat me
audience I wonder if you were to beat me
audience I wonder if you were to beat me today and then meet me tomorrow would
today and then meet me tomorrow would
today and then meet me tomorrow would your mind separate these events in its
your mind separate these events in its
your mind separate these events in its memory leaving as much space in between
memory leaving as much space in between
memory leaving as much space in between as stars that burn out and wear out and
as stars that burn out and wear out and
as stars that burn out and wear out and die long before anyone on earth sees
die long before anyone on earth sees
die long before anyone on earth sees because we still witness their glimmer
because we still witness their glimmer
because we still witness their glimmer what if I told you that the woman behind
what if I told you that the woman behind
what if I told you that the woman behind this
this
this mask is already a corpse as I search for
mask is already a corpse as I search for
mask is already a corpse as I search for heartbeats and future plans try to find
heartbeats and future plans try to find
heartbeats and future plans try to find a pulse you know could be forgetting
a pulse you know could be forgetting
a pulse you know could be forgetting here neglecting where I stand
here neglecting where I stand
here neglecting where I stand has there been enough time between the
has there been enough time between the
has there been enough time between the beginning of this poem and now to
beginning of this poem and now to
beginning of this poem and now to reintroduce myself would you still think
reintroduce myself would you still think
reintroduce myself would you still think that it’s me thank you
that it’s me thank you
that it’s me thank you I was first admitted into the psych ward
I was first admitted into the psych ward
I was first admitted into the psych ward when I was 16 years old for my
when I was 16 years old for my
when I was 16 years old for my depression and during that visit I met
depression and during that visit I met
depression and during that visit I met three different kinds of patients one
three different kinds of patients one
three different kinds of patients one with those like myself they found
with those like myself they found
with those like myself they found themselves in a crisis or emergency
themselves in a crisis or emergency
themselves in a crisis or emergency situation and they needed the hospital
situation and they needed the hospital
situation and they needed the hospital to keep them safe the second kind of
to keep them safe the second kind of
to keep them safe the second kind of patient were those who had some sort of
patient were those who had some sort of
patient were those who had some sort of disciplinary issue perhaps they acted
disciplinary issue perhaps they acted
disciplinary issue perhaps they acted out gotten in fights and because there
out gotten in fights and because there
out gotten in fights and because there was a history of mental illness trauma
was a history of mental illness trauma
was a history of mental illness trauma anxiety their punishment was substituted
anxiety their punishment was substituted
anxiety their punishment was substituted for treatment and so their mental
for treatment and so their mental
for treatment and so their mental illness in their eyes was seen as
illness in their eyes was seen as
illness in their eyes was seen as something wrong that they have done and
something wrong that they have done and
something wrong that they have done and they rejected their treatment entirely
they rejected their treatment entirely
they rejected their treatment entirely the Third Kind of patient is a little
the Third Kind of patient is a little
the Third Kind of patient is a little bit harder to just sum up these are
bit harder to just sum up these are
bit harder to just sum up these are those who perhaps their behavior becomes
those who perhaps their behavior becomes
those who perhaps their behavior becomes frightening to those around them
frightening to those around them
frightening to those around them remember one patient a few doors down
remember one patient a few doors down
remember one patient a few doors down for me a young boy who for hours at
for me a young boy who for hours at
for me a young boy who for hours at night would scream and scream before he
night would scream and scream before he
night would scream and scream before he went to sleep begging voices to stop he
went to sleep begging voices to stop he
went to sleep begging voices to stop he was diagnosed with schizophrenia and
was diagnosed with schizophrenia and
was diagnosed with schizophrenia and because there was so much fear and lack
because there was so much fear and lack
because there was so much fear and lack of education for what he was
of education for what he was
of education for what he was experiencing society kind of casted him
experiencing society kind of casted him
experiencing society kind of casted him out and he would come to the hospital he
out and he would come to the hospital he
out and he would come to the hospital he sedated go back home to the hospital we
sedated go back home to the hospital we
sedated go back home to the hospital we sedated it was an ongoing cycle and what
sedated it was an ongoing cycle and what
sedated it was an ongoing cycle and what these three patients have in common is
these three patients have in common is
these three patients have in common is they have to come home and they have to
they have to come home and they have to
they have to come home and they have to ask themselves what on earth do I do now
ask themselves what on earth do I do now
ask themselves what on earth do I do now where do I go from here maybe their
where do I go from here maybe their
where do I go from here maybe their parents are asking for them because this
parents are asking for them because this
parents are asking for them because this way
way
way an adolescent program I have a hard time
an adolescent program I have a hard time
an adolescent program I have a hard time answering that question in fact after I
answering that question in fact after I
answering that question in fact after I was discharged a few weeks later I was
was discharged a few weeks later I was
was discharged a few weeks later I was readmitted and then after that put into
readmitted and then after that put into
readmitted and then after that put into an all-day outpatient program and then
an all-day outpatient program and then
an all-day outpatient program and then after that was enrolled in a government
after that was enrolled in a government
after that was enrolled in a government program which had someone in my house
program which had someone in my house
program which had someone in my house nearly every day there was a respite
nearly every day there was a respite
nearly every day there was a respite counselor a case manager a therapist and
counselor a case manager a therapist and
counselor a case manager a therapist and a psychiatrist now granted this was a
a psychiatrist now granted this was a
a psychiatrist now granted this was a time in my life I needed this kind of
time in my life I needed this kind of
time in my life I needed this kind of supervision I needed to be heavily
supervision I needed to be heavily
supervision I needed to be heavily watched and I know my family is
watched and I know my family is
watched and I know my family is tremendously grateful for these
tremendously grateful for these
tremendously grateful for these resources that were made available to
resources that were made available to
resources that were made available to them and I don’t take that for granted
them and I don’t take that for granted
them and I don’t take that for granted however there was a problem with my
however there was a problem with my
however there was a problem with my treatment I was very aware with what the
treatment I was very aware with what the
treatment I was very aware with what the world saw when they saw borderline
world saw when they saw borderline
world saw when they saw borderline personality disorder
personality disorder
personality disorder this was my diagnosis I was so aware of
this was my diagnosis I was so aware of
this was my diagnosis I was so aware of how those people were treated how they
how those people were treated how they
how those people were treated how they were portrayed in society that I
were portrayed in society that I
were portrayed in society that I rejected my diagnosis completely I
rejected my diagnosis completely I
rejected my diagnosis completely I didn’t talk about it I didn’t share it
didn’t talk about it I didn’t share it
didn’t talk about it I didn’t share it with people
with people
with people nor did I even try to embrace it for
nor did I even try to embrace it for
nor did I even try to embrace it for myself I didn’t try to understand it
myself I didn’t try to understand it
myself I didn’t try to understand it instead I was encouraged to kind of shut
instead I was encouraged to kind of shut
instead I was encouraged to kind of shut it down stop showing it so much me and I
it down stop showing it so much me and I
it down stop showing it so much me and I also knew that I could get away with
also knew that I could get away with
also knew that I could get away with things I can get away with moving on in
things I can get away with moving on in
things I can get away with moving on in my life if I just didn’t show the
my life if I just didn’t show the
my life if I just didn’t show the symptoms if I didn’t act out I kind of
symptoms if I didn’t act out I kind of
symptoms if I didn’t act out I kind of kept masks on and this continued so much
kept masks on and this continued so much
kept masks on and this continued so much that when I was prescribed anti-anxiety
that when I was prescribed anti-anxiety
that when I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication I was prescribed xanax I
medication I was prescribed xanax I
medication I was prescribed xanax I formed a habit which turned into a
formed a habit which turned into a
formed a habit which turned into a dangerous addiction and what this did
dangerous addiction and what this did
dangerous addiction and what this did for me is it didn’t allow me to face my
for me is it didn’t allow me to face my
for me is it didn’t allow me to face my diagnosis it didn’t challenge me to take
diagnosis it didn’t challenge me to take
diagnosis it didn’t challenge me to take ownership of treatment I just shut down
ownership of treatment I just shut down
ownership of treatment I just shut down I was in a sleep-like state I was a
I was in a sleep-like state I was a
I was in a sleep-like state I was a zombie and I wasn’t feeling things at
zombie and I wasn’t feeling things at
zombie and I wasn’t feeling things at all
all
all forget about with my mental illness I
forget about with my mental illness I
forget about with my mental illness I wasn’t feeling even the most normal of
wasn’t feeling even the most normal of
wasn’t feeling even the most normal of feelings so how am I supposed to heal
feelings so how am I supposed to heal
feelings so how am I supposed to heal from something if I’m too numb to feel
from something if I’m too numb to feel
from something if I’m too numb to feel what I’m supposed to heal from and this
what I’m supposed to heal from and this
what I’m supposed to heal from and this went on for years and progressively got
went on for years and progressively got
went on for years and progressively got worse and
worse and
worse and into college we’re on February 20th 2013
into college we’re on February 20th 2013
into college we’re on February 20th 2013 I attempted suicide and I was stopped by
I attempted suicide and I was stopped by
I attempted suicide and I was stopped by a bystander I tried to throw myself in
a bystander I tried to throw myself in
a bystander I tried to throw myself in front of a train and someone on the
front of a train and someone on the
front of a train and someone on the platform stopped me and immediately I
platform stopped me and immediately I
platform stopped me and immediately I was put back in the psych ward
was put back in the psych ward
was put back in the psych ward this time adults and I saw the same
this time adults and I saw the same
this time adults and I saw the same three patients just in adult faces there
three patients just in adult faces there
three patients just in adult faces there were those trying to be safe like myself
were those trying to be safe like myself
were those trying to be safe like myself those who are being punished because of
those who are being punished because of
those who are being punished because of something they’ve done and those who
something they’ve done and those who
something they’ve done and those who were totally ostracized from their
were totally ostracized from their
were totally ostracized from their communities so what I did during this
communities so what I did during this
communities so what I did during this time as I started to write and
time as I started to write and
time as I started to write and eventually that gibberish turned into
eventually that gibberish turned into
eventually that gibberish turned into poetry like the one that I just
poetry like the one that I just
poetry like the one that I just performed for you but everything was
performed for you but everything was
performed for you but everything was turning back on I was getting off the
turning back on I was getting off the
turning back on I was getting off the drugs I wasn’t taking anything anymore
drugs I wasn’t taking anything anymore
drugs I wasn’t taking anything anymore so everything that was shut off for so
so everything that was shut off for so
so everything that was shut off for so long was going back and these wires that
long was going back and these wires that
long was going back and these wires that the electricity was flowing through was
the electricity was flowing through was
the electricity was flowing through was frayed and static was kind of flying
frayed and static was kind of flying
frayed and static was kind of flying everywhere the only way I knew how to
everywhere the only way I knew how to
everywhere the only way I knew how to ground that static that those jolts and
ground that static that those jolts and
ground that static that those jolts and shocks that I felt so severely at this
shocks that I felt so severely at this
shocks that I felt so severely at this time was putting everything on paper I
time was putting everything on paper I
time was putting everything on paper I wrote down everything I felt everything
wrote down everything I felt everything
wrote down everything I felt everything I saw and this was my way to begin
I saw and this was my way to begin
I saw and this was my way to begin dealing with my diagnosis to begin
dealing with my diagnosis to begin
dealing with my diagnosis to begin dealing with what I never yet dealt with
so what I realized since that time is
so what I realized since that time is that all my efforts to be filtered to be
that all my efforts to be filtered to be
that all my efforts to be filtered to be contained to be held back to keep suit
contained to be held back to keep suit
contained to be held back to keep suit and pull it off has been keeping me from
and pull it off has been keeping me from
and pull it off has been keeping me from healing mental illness whether it be
healing mental illness whether it be
healing mental illness whether it be borderline personality disorder
borderline personality disorder
borderline personality disorder depression anxiety they’re not talked
depression anxiety they’re not talked
depression anxiety they’re not talked about they’re not invited into our
about they’re not invited into our
about they’re not invited into our conversations instead we often make the
conversations instead we often make the
conversations instead we often make the mistake sometimes out of fear of
mistake sometimes out of fear of
mistake sometimes out of fear of encouraging
encouraging
encouraging young people who begin showing signs of
young people who begin showing signs of
young people who begin showing signs of mental illness to hold back to stop
mental illness to hold back to stop
mental illness to hold back to stop acting that way
acting that way
acting that way pipe down calm down let me just say
pipe down calm down let me just say
pipe down calm down let me just say being told to calm down when you’re
being told to calm down when you’re
being told to calm down when you’re anxious is probably the least calming
anxious is probably the least calming
anxious is probably the least calming thing in the world but it comes out of
thing in the world but it comes out of
thing in the world but it comes out of fear it’s something different so we want
fear it’s something different so we want
fear it’s something different so we want to just stop it that urgency is there
to just stop it that urgency is there
to just stop it that urgency is there and it’s become so hurtful to those who
and it’s become so hurtful to those who
and it’s become so hurtful to those who deal with it rather than silencing those
deal with it rather than silencing those
deal with it rather than silencing those who deal with it kind of putting them
who deal with it kind of putting them
who deal with it kind of putting them back in the margin of what is normal
back in the margin of what is normal
back in the margin of what is normal what if we gave these people a
what if we gave these people a
what if we gave these people a microphone share their stories what if
microphone share their stories what if
microphone share their stories what if instead of telling them to be quiet and
instead of telling them to be quiet and
instead of telling them to be quiet and turning off the voltage completely what
turning off the voltage completely what
turning off the voltage completely what if we redirect that to power something
if we redirect that to power something
if we redirect that to power something new and power something innovative and
new and power something innovative and
new and power something innovative and great what if instead of stigma and
great what if instead of stigma and
great what if instead of stigma and shame that we attach to mental illness
shame that we attach to mental illness
shame that we attach to mental illness we provide these people with a platform
mental illness is complex there’s not a
mental illness is complex there’s not a simple answer there’s not this or the
simple answer there’s not this or the
simple answer there’s not this or the other but when we’re looking at
other but when we’re looking at
other but when we’re looking at treatment it involves so many things
treatment it involves so many things
treatment it involves so many things vaults community it involves a creative
vaults community it involves a creative
vaults community it involves a creative aspect the way I have found it involves
aspect the way I have found it involves
aspect the way I have found it involves being held accountable folks so many
being held accountable folks so many
being held accountable folks so many facets and when we shine a light into
facets and when we shine a light into
facets and when we shine a light into those darkest places within these facets
those darkest places within these facets
those darkest places within these facets we have a true honest chance at
we have a true honest chance at
we have a true honest chance at achieving mental health but there’s some
achieving mental health but there’s some
achieving mental health but there’s some things that must stop in order for that
things that must stop in order for that
things that must stop in order for that to happen we must stop as a society as a
to happen we must stop as a society as a
to happen we must stop as a society as a whole those with mental illness and
whole those with mental illness and
whole those with mental illness and those without to think that it is as
those without to think that it is as
those without to think that it is as simple as taking a pill like you would
simple as taking a pill like you would
simple as taking a pill like you would an antibiotic and getting the virus out
an antibiotic and getting the virus out
an antibiotic and getting the virus out and then you’re done a lot of times when
and then you’re done a lot of times when
and then you’re done a lot of times when I share an anxious thought or something
I share an anxious thought or something
I share an anxious thought or something that’s inside me with a friend I’ve
that’s inside me with a friend I’ve
that’s inside me with a friend I’ve heard a lot of time
heard a lot of time
heard a lot of time it’s all in your head why yes it is all
it’s all in your head why yes it is all
it’s all in your head why yes it is all in my head it’s in my brain it’s in the
in my head it’s in my brain it’s in the
in my head it’s in my brain it’s in the way I receive information the way I make
way I receive information the way I make
way I receive information the way I make connections in the world the way I
connections in the world the way I
connections in the world the way I comprehend life that is my brain and
comprehend life that is my brain and
comprehend life that is my brain and science has come a long way we’re not
science has come a long way we’re not
science has come a long way we’re not doing lobotomies anymore but we have a
doing lobotomies anymore but we have a
doing lobotomies anymore but we have a long way to go
long way to go
long way to go well there are MRI scans that can map
well there are MRI scans that can map
well there are MRI scans that can map out brain activity and we can capture
out brain activity and we can capture
out brain activity and we can capture wavelengths we haven’t really scratched
wavelengths we haven’t really scratched
wavelengths we haven’t really scratched the surface on the anatomy and the
the surface on the anatomy and the
the surface on the anatomy and the neurology of mental illness and while
neurology of mental illness and while
neurology of mental illness and while yes serotonin plays a role in something
yes serotonin plays a role in something
yes serotonin plays a role in something like depression so a lot of the
like depression so a lot of the
like depression so a lot of the antidepressants that are prescribed have
antidepressants that are prescribed have
antidepressants that are prescribed have serotonin that’s one part of my brain
serotonin that’s one part of my brain
serotonin that’s one part of my brain that needs that chemical and now my
that needs that chemical and now my
that needs that chemical and now my entire brain is saturated with that
entire brain is saturated with that
entire brain is saturated with that brain what are the lifelong implications
brain what are the lifelong implications
brain what are the lifelong implications of that I take a pill every morning that
of that I take a pill every morning that
of that I take a pill every morning that I know helps me get to school and get to
I know helps me get to school and get to
I know helps me get to school and get to work and keeps me going but what is that
work and keeps me going but what is that
work and keeps me going but what is that do 30 years from now how does that help
do 30 years from now how does that help
do 30 years from now how does that help me own what I experience and how do I
me own what I experience and how do I
me own what I experience and how do I get past that to really achieve health
get past that to really achieve health
get past that to really achieve health now I’m not suggesting at all that these
now I’m not suggesting at all that these
now I’m not suggesting at all that these pills are bad and that we should just
pills are bad and that we should just
pills are bad and that we should just throw them out and say to do with it no
throw them out and say to do with it no
throw them out and say to do with it no because I know how helpful and
because I know how helpful and
because I know how helpful and life-saving they have become for me and
life-saving they have become for me and
life-saving they have become for me and other friends but it’s not enough it’s
other friends but it’s not enough it’s
other friends but it’s not enough it’s not enough to just say it’s a pill quick
not enough to just say it’s a pill quick
not enough to just say it’s a pill quick fix your symptoms are gone because
fix your symptoms are gone because
fix your symptoms are gone because you’re muted you’re better because
you’re muted you’re better because
you’re muted you’re better because that’s not the case and it concerns me
that’s not the case and it concerns me
that’s not the case and it concerns me that the imbalance that my brain is
that the imbalance that my brain is
that the imbalance that my brain is experiencing is not tested there’s no
experiencing is not tested there’s no
experiencing is not tested there’s no way to pull out fluids in my brain and
way to pull out fluids in my brain and
way to pull out fluids in my brain and test your imbalance and say okay this is
test your imbalance and say okay this is
test your imbalance and say okay this is how much you need this is there’s no way
how much you need this is there’s no way
how much you need this is there’s no way to do that and it concerns me that when
to do that and it concerns me that when
to do that and it concerns me that when I go to the doctor for a sore throat and
I go to the doctor for a sore throat and
I go to the doctor for a sore throat and they see these medications on my chart a
they see these medications on my chart a
they see these medications on my chart a stigma tells them to immediately take me
stigma tells them to immediately take me
stigma tells them to immediately take me less seriously and it concerns me
less seriously and it concerns me
less seriously and it concerns me that if I go to a friend with an anxious
that if I go to a friend with an anxious
that if I go to a friend with an anxious thought with my depression I oftentimes
thought with my depression I oftentimes
thought with my depression I oftentimes get the response before even a word has
get the response before even a word has
get the response before even a word has spoken have been taking your pills
spoken have been taking your pills
spoken have been taking your pills instead of having a conversation with me
instead of having a conversation with me
instead of having a conversation with me and allowing those emotions to be valid
and allowing those emotions to be valid
and allowing those emotions to be valid it is unhelpful even dangerous to view
it is unhelpful even dangerous to view
it is unhelpful even dangerous to view mental illness as something that is just
mental illness as something that is just
mental illness as something that is just curable and something that you can treat
curable and something that you can treat
curable and something that you can treat symptoms that will just go away this is
symptoms that will just go away this is
symptoms that will just go away this is really detrimental to not only those who
really detrimental to not only those who
really detrimental to not only those who experience mental illness but to those
experience mental illness but to those
experience mental illness but to those trying to help it leads us to a place
trying to help it leads us to a place
trying to help it leads us to a place where we want to shut things off instead
where we want to shut things off instead
where we want to shut things off instead of really moving and through
of really moving and through
of really moving and through understanding what it is that my mind is
understanding what it is that my mind is
understanding what it is that my mind is going through the way my mind works yes
going through the way my mind works yes
going through the way my mind works yes it’s different from you but that does
it’s different from you but that does
it’s different from you but that does not make it invalid that does not make
not make it invalid that does not make
not make it invalid that does not make it unworthy I don’t take xanax anymore I
it unworthy I don’t take xanax anymore I
it unworthy I don’t take xanax anymore I do not take the drugs I use to kind of
do not take the drugs I use to kind of
do not take the drugs I use to kind of numb me out and get through things but
numb me out and get through things but
numb me out and get through things but the emotions the thoughts that led me to
the emotions the thoughts that led me to
the emotions the thoughts that led me to that place
that place
that place they still come I still have to deal
they still come I still have to deal
they still come I still have to deal with those so even though I’m not acting
with those so even though I’m not acting
with those so even though I’m not acting in a certain way right the symptoms
in a certain way right the symptoms
in a certain way right the symptoms don’t show I’m still dealing with my
don’t show I’m still dealing with my
don’t show I’m still dealing with my mental illness because my brain is wired
mental illness because my brain is wired
mental illness because my brain is wired that way
that way
that way and not perceiving the world in a
and not perceiving the world in a
and not perceiving the world in a certain way that’s causing me to feel
certain way that’s causing me to feel
certain way that’s causing me to feel and think this way and you know what
and think this way and you know what
and think this way and you know what there’s power and feeling too much
there’s power and feeling too much
there’s power and feeling too much there’s power in seeing the world
there’s power in seeing the world
there’s power in seeing the world aligned with patterns and there’s power
aligned with patterns and there’s power
aligned with patterns and there’s power with wanting to maintain those patterns
with wanting to maintain those patterns
with wanting to maintain those patterns sometimes and yes sometimes it is so
sometimes and yes sometimes it is so
sometimes and yes sometimes it is so much and it is so big and it overwhelms
much and it is so big and it overwhelms
much and it is so big and it overwhelms me in it I feel like a threat to myself
me in it I feel like a threat to myself
me in it I feel like a threat to myself I feel I might hurt myself because of
I feel I might hurt myself because of
I feel I might hurt myself because of all this but maybe it would be less
all this but maybe it would be less
all this but maybe it would be less hurtful if when I went to a friend when
hurtful if when I went to a friend when
hurtful if when I went to a friend when I tried to work out what I was feeling I
I tried to work out what I was feeling I
I tried to work out what I was feeling I wasn’t hit with stigma
wasn’t hit with stigma
wasn’t hit with stigma hit with the impulse to just stop just
hit with the impulse to just stop just
hit with the impulse to just stop just stop thinking like that I think it’s
stop thinking like that I think it’s
stop thinking like that I think it’s time
time
time those with borderline personality
those with borderline personality
those with borderline personality disorder OCD anxiety depression bipolar
disorder OCD anxiety depression bipolar
disorder OCD anxiety depression bipolar whatever it may be that we share our
whatever it may be that we share our
whatever it may be that we share our stories that were given a platform to
stories that were given a platform to
stories that were given a platform to share you know I have been given a
share you know I have been given a
share you know I have been given a platform and I have been able to work
platform and I have been able to work
platform and I have been able to work through the way I think the way I feel
through the way I think the way I feel
through the way I think the way I feel because of a university that embraced me
because of a university that embraced me
because of a university that embraced me and I was able to finish my degree and
and I was able to finish my degree and
and I was able to finish my degree and now I’m able to move on and get a second
now I’m able to move on and get a second
now I’m able to move on and get a second degree I’m being embraced I’m getting a
degree I’m being embraced I’m getting a
degree I’m being embraced I’m getting a platform to that I can use the way I
platform to that I can use the way I
platform to that I can use the way I think I can work for organizations that
think I can work for organizations that
think I can work for organizations that want to see the same change in the world
want to see the same change in the world
want to see the same change in the world and want to use my skills and talents to
and want to use my skills and talents to
and want to use my skills and talents to bring that change about but if we don’t
bring that change about but if we don’t
bring that change about but if we don’t give people a platform if we don’t allow
give people a platform if we don’t allow
give people a platform if we don’t allow them to think the way that they do and
them to think the way that they do and
them to think the way that they do and we just mute them shut them down how is
we just mute them shut them down how is
we just mute them shut them down how is that change ever going to happen how is
that change ever going to happen how is
that change ever going to happen how is that healing ever going to happen some
that healing ever going to happen some
that healing ever going to happen some of you are gonna go home and you know
of you are gonna go home and you know
of you are gonna go home and you know someone maybe close to you who has
someone maybe close to you who has
someone maybe close to you who has mental illness of some sort or maybe
mental illness of some sort or maybe
mental illness of some sort or maybe you’ll meet someone a year a few months
you’ll meet someone a year a few months
you’ll meet someone a year a few months some weeks from now maybe you are that
some weeks from now maybe you are that
some weeks from now maybe you are that someone if you are that someone your
someone if you are that someone your
someone if you are that someone your thoughts are worthy and you are worthy
thoughts are worthy and you are worthy
thoughts are worthy and you are worthy if you have that someone in your life I
if you have that someone in your life I
if you have that someone in your life I urge you listen don’t try to shut it off
urge you listen don’t try to shut it off
urge you listen don’t try to shut it off because it is not like you don’t try to
because it is not like you don’t try to
because it is not like you don’t try to push it away because it’s so different
push it away because it’s so different
push it away because it’s so different encourage them give them that safe space
encourage them give them that safe space
encourage them give them that safe space to move through this and let’s make
to move through this and let’s make
to move through this and let’s make those places in our society let’s make
those places in our society let’s make
those places in our society let’s make those spaces in our communities where
those spaces in our communities where
those spaces in our communities where that source of power is needed that way
that source of power is needed that way
that source of power is needed that way of thinking is needed to build something
of thinking is needed to build something
of thinking is needed to build something new and give those people a platform
new and give those people a platform
new and give those people a platform give them a microphone just like I have
give them a microphone just like I have
give them a microphone just like I have been given today thank you
been given today thank you
been given today thank you [Applause]
”
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