thank you it’s great to to be here and before I talk a little bit about what I
before I talk a little bit about what I
before I talk a little bit about what I consider to be one of the most dangerous
consider to be one of the most dangerous
consider to be one of the most dangerous and explosive words in the English
and explosive words in the English
and explosive words in the English language this five letter word that a
language this five letter word that a
language this five letter word that a lot of us hear and use
lot of us hear and use
lot of us hear and use I just wanted to confess to something
I just wanted to confess to something
I just wanted to confess to something which is that what you’re going to hear
which is that what you’re going to hear
which is that what you’re going to hear over the next minute few minutes or so
over the next minute few minutes or so
over the next minute few minutes or so is is not a talk with the foundation of
is is not a talk with the foundation of
is is not a talk with the foundation of academic study and one of the reasons
academic study and one of the reasons
academic study and one of the reasons why is that I got a B in government and
why is that I got a B in government and
why is that I got a B in government and politics at a level I didn’t put my F in
politics at a level I didn’t put my F in
politics at a level I didn’t put my F in English up that wasn’t enough to get me
English up that wasn’t enough to get me
English up that wasn’t enough to get me here or in an a university like this and
here or in an a university like this and
here or in an a university like this and so South Bank Polly took me in and
so South Bank Polly took me in and
so South Bank Polly took me in and [Music]
[Music]
[Music] thankfully my professional career kind
thankfully my professional career kind
thankfully my professional career kind of moved on from there so what I’d like
of moved on from there so what I’d like
of moved on from there so what I’d like to talk to you today is about personal
to talk to you today is about personal
to talk to you today is about personal experience is about my observation over
experience is about my observation over
experience is about my observation over the last thirty years or so in the media
the last thirty years or so in the media
the last thirty years or so in the media in the entertainment and the technology
in the entertainment and the technology
in the entertainment and the technology industry and how I think that there’s
industry and how I think that there’s
industry and how I think that there’s been a few shifts in the way in which we
been a few shifts in the way in which we
been a few shifts in the way in which we use language and that word in particular
use language and that word in particular
use language and that word in particular the may be word there may be epidemic
the may be word there may be epidemic
the may be word there may be epidemic and how perhaps it’s come around it’s
and how perhaps it’s come around it’s
and how perhaps it’s come around it’s come about and I want to give you two
come about and I want to give you two
come about and I want to give you two tips if I may at the end of the talk of
tips if I may at the end of the talk of
tips if I may at the end of the talk of how to get out of the world of maybe
how to get out of the world of maybe
how to get out of the world of maybe firstly though I’d like to take you to a
firstly though I’d like to take you to a
firstly though I’d like to take you to a more formal environment firstly I’m
more formal environment firstly I’m
more formal environment firstly I’m going to take you to a more formal
going to take you to a more formal
going to take you to a more formal environment and imagine that you are in
environment and imagine that you are in
environment and imagine that you are in a meeting many of you perhaps haven’t
a meeting many of you perhaps haven’t
a meeting many of you perhaps haven’t experienced this in work but but a
experienced this in work but but a
experienced this in work but but a number of you and I hope most of you
number of you and I hope most of you
number of you and I hope most of you would have experienced this in some
would have experienced this in some
would have experienced this in some shape or form you know that Q&A session
shape or form you know that Q&A session
shape or form you know that Q&A session people put their hands up there a little
people put their hands up there a little
people put their hands up there a little bit gingerly and worried about doing it
bit gingerly and worried about doing it
bit gingerly and worried about doing it the first question goes up the person
the first question goes up the person
the first question goes up the person that’s answering the question it’s a
that’s answering the question it’s a
that’s answering the question it’s a good answer he bats it over the net and
good answer he bats it over the net and
good answer he bats it over the net and then you get to some of those more
then you get to some of those more
then you get to some of those more tricky questions like is there going to
tricky questions like is there going to
tricky questions like is there going to be a cappuccino machine are we going to
be a cappuccino machine are we going to
be a cappuccino machine are we going to have a Christmas
have a Christmas
have a Christmas party sightly moving into more complex
party sightly moving into more complex
party sightly moving into more complex issues and then the tougher questions
issues and then the tougher questions
issues and then the tougher questions come is there going to be a pay rise are
come is there going to be a pay rise are
come is there going to be a pay rise are there going to be redundancies and it’s
there going to be redundancies and it’s
there going to be redundancies and it’s at that moment you start to spot the
at that moment you start to spot the
at that moment you start to spot the world of maybe and it can come in all
world of maybe and it can come in all
world of maybe and it can come in all shapes and sizes the one I’m I’m always
shapes and sizes the one I’m I’m always
shapes and sizes the one I’m I’m always fascinated by is the person that says
fascinated by is the person that says
fascinated by is the person that says that’s a great question
that’s a great question
that’s a great question love that question be wary of that one
love that question be wary of that one
love that question be wary of that one but you can see it in different ways
but you can see it in different ways
but you can see it in different ways I understand interesting let me get back
I understand interesting let me get back
I understand interesting let me get back to you
to you
to you all of those are characteristics of the
all of those are characteristics of the
all of those are characteristics of the world of maybe and we deal with it in
world of maybe and we deal with it in
world of maybe and we deal with it in our work and professional lives now let
our work and professional lives now let
our work and professional lives now let me just slightly go to extreme now and
me just slightly go to extreme now and
me just slightly go to extreme now and suggest to you whether the world of
suggest to you whether the world of
suggest to you whether the world of maybe works for you with these kind of
maybe works for you with these kind of
maybe works for you with these kind of questions and I hope in the balcony you
questions and I hope in the balcony you
questions and I hope in the balcony you can see them but Ryan Gosling is talking
can see them but Ryan Gosling is talking
can see them but Ryan Gosling is talking to Michelle with Williams do you love me
to Michelle with Williams do you love me
to Michelle with Williams do you love me doctor is my son gonna be okay will you
doctor is my son gonna be okay will you
doctor is my son gonna be okay will you marry me I mean you just imagine getting
marry me I mean you just imagine getting
marry me I mean you just imagine getting maybe to any of these questions you just
maybe to any of these questions you just
maybe to any of these questions you just can’t
can’t
can’t you couldn’t unhear it you’d have a very
you couldn’t unhear it you’d have a very
you couldn’t unhear it you’d have a very different reaction so in our personal
different reaction so in our personal
different reaction so in our personal lives we think a lot about the language
lives we think a lot about the language
lives we think a lot about the language we receive the language we give the way
we receive the language we give the way
we receive the language we give the way in which it affects us
in which it affects us
in which it affects us you certainly are much more sensitive to
you certainly are much more sensitive to
you certainly are much more sensitive to it but we still are affected by that
it but we still are affected by that
it but we still are affected by that word in both our professional and our
word in both our professional and our
word in both our professional and our personal lives and what I’d like to see
personal lives and what I’d like to see
personal lives and what I’d like to see and is increasing move away from it now
and is increasing move away from it now
and is increasing move away from it now here’s an example of a business that I’m
here’s an example of a business that I’m
here’s an example of a business that I’m involved in it’s it’s it’s a start-up
involved in it’s it’s it’s a start-up
involved in it’s it’s it’s a start-up business some of you are involved in
business some of you are involved in
business some of you are involved in startups some of you have an aspiration
startups some of you have an aspiration
startups some of you have an aspiration to be in startups as you finish your
to be in startups as you finish your
to be in startups as you finish your academic career and and just read this
academic career and and just read this
academic career and and just read this if you can I’ll cut it out to you from
if you can I’ll cut it out to you from
if you can I’ll cut it out to you from the back really busy now but we’ll give
the back really busy now but we’ll give
the back really busy now but we’ll give it some thought when I have some time
it some thought when I have some time
it some thought when I have some time and that that’s a no right I mean we all
and that that’s a no right I mean we all
and that that’s a no right I mean we all know that that is a no so in a sense we
know that that is a no so in a sense we
know that that is a no so in a sense we have to try and challenge what we’re
have to try and challenge what we’re
have to try and challenge what we’re listening to and the way in which
listening to and the way in which
listening to and the way in which and answers work because startups cannot
and answers work because startups cannot
and answers work because startups cannot live in the world of maybe it kills lots
live in the world of maybe it kills lots
live in the world of maybe it kills lots of startups because they just run out of
of startups because they just run out of
of startups because they just run out of time to fulfill their dream and their
time to fulfill their dream and their
time to fulfill their dream and their potential now this is not where maybe
potential now this is not where maybe
potential now this is not where maybe says it’s not a midpoint between yes and
says it’s not a midpoint between yes and
says it’s not a midpoint between yes and no it’s at the node or pushing its way
no it’s at the node or pushing its way
no it’s at the node or pushing its way to get in and I it’s quite interesting
to get in and I it’s quite interesting
to get in and I it’s quite interesting when you begin to see popular culture
when you begin to see popular culture
when you begin to see popular culture tackling this word his this issue here’s
tackling this word his this issue here’s
tackling this word his this issue here’s Jack Johnson saying maybe always almost
Jack Johnson saying maybe always almost
Jack Johnson saying maybe always almost always means no it’s beginning to seep
always means no it’s beginning to seep
always means no it’s beginning to seep in to the way in which we work with each
in to the way in which we work with each
in to the way in which we work with each other the way in which we interact with
other the way in which we interact with
other the way in which we interact with each other it’s becoming much more
each other it’s becoming much more
each other it’s becoming much more common we’re accepting it and what I’d
common we’re accepting it and what I’d
common we’re accepting it and what I’d like to try and do is is give you my
like to try and do is is give you my
like to try and do is is give you my view on whether it’s always been like
view on whether it’s always been like
view on whether it’s always been like that and it’s just come to me and and
that and it’s just come to me and and
that and it’s just come to me and and I’m much more sensitive to it all
I’m much more sensitive to it all
I’m much more sensitive to it all there’s being change
there’s being change
there’s being change there’s being some kind of environmental
there’s being some kind of environmental
there’s being some kind of environmental change where that interaction is
change where that interaction is
change where that interaction is becoming stronger and stronger and
becoming stronger and stronger and
becoming stronger and stronger and stronger and one of the issues that I
stronger and one of the issues that I
stronger and one of the issues that I think we’re beginning to see is this
think we’re beginning to see is this
think we’re beginning to see is this increasing challenge that we all have
increasing challenge that we all have
increasing challenge that we all have not just in business this is not just in
not just in business this is not just in
not just in business this is not just in our professional lives this is in our
our professional lives this is in our
our professional lives this is in our personal lives the challenge that we
personal lives the challenge that we
personal lives the challenge that we have about data worship you know data
have about data worship you know data
have about data worship you know data overload and you can see it we’re
overload and you can see it we’re
overload and you can see it we’re surrounded by it email search social
surrounded by it email search social
surrounded by it email search social media user-generated content
media user-generated content
media user-generated content fake news has become a very interesting
fake news has become a very interesting
fake news has become a very interesting and topical issue over the last six
and topical issue over the last six
and topical issue over the last six months the way in which on the internet
months the way in which on the internet
months the way in which on the internet the world’s stupidity sits very closely
the world’s stupidity sits very closely
the world’s stupidity sits very closely next to the world’s great knowledge and
next to the world’s great knowledge and
next to the world’s great knowledge and so what we’re beginning to see is noise
so what we’re beginning to see is noise
so what we’re beginning to see is noise incredible amount of noise and when
incredible amount of noise and when
incredible amount of noise and when decisions are trying to be made
decisions are trying to be made
decisions are trying to be made everyone’s got an opinion it’s
everyone’s got an opinion it’s
everyone’s got an opinion it’s incredible how expert we can all be at
incredible how expert we can all be at
incredible how expert we can all be at an issue just by clicking on the web and
an issue just by clicking on the web and
an issue just by clicking on the web and drawing down a little bit of information
drawing down a little bit of information
drawing down a little bit of information and counter-intuitively instead of that
and counter-intuitively instead of that
and counter-intuitively instead of that speeding
speeding
speeding decision-making I’m seeing decisions
decision-making I’m seeing decisions
decision-making I’m seeing decisions being taking much more time
being taking much more time
being taking much more time shallow decision-making delays in the
shallow decision-making delays in the
shallow decision-making delays in the way in which business works so data I
way in which business works so data I
way in which business works so data I think is one of the challenges that I
think is one of the challenges that I
think is one of the challenges that I think we face another one is the mobile
think we face another one is the mobile
think we face another one is the mobile device and in particular social media
device and in particular social media
device and in particular social media social messaging and the media platforms
social messaging and the media platforms
social messaging and the media platforms and if you think about it Facebook I
and if you think about it Facebook I
and if you think about it Facebook I think I’m right in saying is in a
think I’m right in saying is in a
think I’m right in saying is in a quarter of the world’s population right
quarter of the world’s population right
quarter of the world’s population right now and and this word maybe has appeared
now and and this word maybe has appeared
now and and this word maybe has appeared on everything that we begin to see I
on everything that we begin to see I
on everything that we begin to see I mean I tried to invite my son to to come
mean I tried to invite my son to to come
mean I tried to invite my son to to come to my talk today and he gave me a maybe
to my talk today and he gave me a maybe
to my talk today and he gave me a maybe and and and I think just the way in
and and and I think just the way in
and and and I think just the way in which we’ve begun to interact people are
which we’ve begun to interact people are
which we’ve begun to interact people are sitting on the fence it’s a big public
sitting on the fence it’s a big public
sitting on the fence it’s a big public experience should I say yes should I
experience should I say yes should I
experience should I say yes should I wait what should I wait for my friends
wait what should I wait for my friends
wait what should I wait for my friends to say yes and this whole concept of
to say yes and this whole concept of
to say yes and this whole concept of maybe is putting a lot more doubt into
maybe is putting a lot more doubt into
maybe is putting a lot more doubt into the way in which we interact and agree
the way in which we interact and agree
the way in which we interact and agree to to do things with each other and in
to to do things with each other and in
to to do things with each other and in the work environment for those of you
the work environment for those of you
the work environment for those of you who are in the work environment or have
who are in the work environment or have
who are in the work environment or have seen it it’s that tentative on a
seen it it’s that tentative on a
seen it it’s that tentative on a calendar invite where you invite 10
calendar invite where you invite 10
calendar invite where you invite 10 people you get the two yeses from the
people you get the two yeses from the
people you get the two yeses from the people you don’t really want in the in
people you don’t really want in the in
people you don’t really want in the in the room and the eight tentative from
the room and the eight tentative from
the room and the eight tentative from the people you really don’t you really
the people you really don’t you really
the people you really don’t you really want in the room and you’re never
want in the room and you’re never
want in the room and you’re never entirely sure whether you’re going to
entirely sure whether you’re going to
entirely sure whether you’re going to see them there so interestingly I picked
see them there so interestingly I picked
see them there so interestingly I picked one and even though I did say that this
one and even though I did say that this
one and even though I did say that this is a talk based on my own experience
is a talk based on my own experience
is a talk based on my own experience it’s interestingly that one of the most
it’s interestingly that one of the most
it’s interestingly that one of the most successful sites that has banned the
successful sites that has banned the
successful sites that has banned the word maybe as tinder with a very clear
word maybe as tinder with a very clear
word maybe as tinder with a very clear yes or no in fact they’ve simplified it
yes or no in fact they’ve simplified it
yes or no in fact they’ve simplified it even more with the swipe left or swipe
even more with the swipe left or swipe
even more with the swipe left or swipe light right
light right
light right allegedly
so I think there’s an issue I really
so I think there’s an issue I really think there’s an issue and I think we
think there’s an issue and I think we
think there’s an issue and I think we can all get out of the world of maybe
can all get out of the world of maybe
can all get out of the world of maybe and I’d like to propose two ways in
and I’d like to propose two ways in
and I’d like to propose two ways in which we can all change and I think
which we can all change and I think
which we can all change and I think there are two things that I’d like to
there are two things that I’d like to
there are two things that I’d like to ask you to think about the first is how
ask you to think about the first is how
ask you to think about the first is how do I change the way in which I use
do I change the way in which I use
do I change the way in which I use language to get out of the word the
language to get out of the word the
language to get out of the word the world of maybe and that only takes you
world of maybe and that only takes you
world of maybe and that only takes you so far but how can I also persuade
so far but how can I also persuade
so far but how can I also persuade others that I don’t welcome the word and
others that I don’t welcome the word and
others that I don’t welcome the word and the first suggestion is that you
the first suggestion is that you
the first suggestion is that you essentially ban the word from your
essentially ban the word from your
essentially ban the word from your language and you use different ways of
language and you use different ways of
language and you use different ways of describing clarity try you you’re never
describing clarity try you you’re never
describing clarity try you you’re never going to be able to answer every
going to be able to answer every
going to be able to answer every question with a yes or no I get that we
question with a yes or no I get that we
question with a yes or no I get that we all experience doubt we all are unsure
all experience doubt we all are unsure
all experience doubt we all are unsure about issues that we face on a
about issues that we face on a
about issues that we face on a day-to-day basis but try and put things
day-to-day basis but try and put things
day-to-day basis but try and put things into context it’s a no one till it’s a
into context it’s a no one till it’s a
into context it’s a no one till it’s a yes if I can’t give you that answer for
yes if I can’t give you that answer for
yes if I can’t give you that answer for two more weeks so time conditions give
two more weeks so time conditions give
two more weeks so time conditions give people the context to why you cannot
people the context to why you cannot
people the context to why you cannot give a yes or a No very important and
give a yes or a No very important and
give a yes or a No very important and increasingly as you adapt your language
increasingly as you adapt your language
increasingly as you adapt your language you’ll begin to discover that the person
you’ll begin to discover that the person
you’ll begin to discover that the person that’s listening to you perhaps will
that’s listening to you perhaps will
that’s listening to you perhaps will give you the answer that you’re seeking
give you the answer that you’re seeking
give you the answer that you’re seeking as well and that you won’t get that
as well and that you won’t get that
as well and that you won’t get that disconnect because you don’t understand
disconnect because you don’t understand
disconnect because you don’t understand each other enough for each other to find
each other enough for each other to find
each other enough for each other to find common ground the second tip is you’ve
common ground the second tip is you’ve
common ground the second tip is you’ve got to tell people how much you hate it
got to tell people how much you hate it
got to tell people how much you hate it now imagine you go into a restaurant
now imagine you go into a restaurant
now imagine you go into a restaurant today the waiter comes up to you to say
today the waiter comes up to you to say
today the waiter comes up to you to say do you have any in tolerances sir
do you have any in tolerances sir
do you have any in tolerances sir yeah I’m glucose intolerant I’m lactose
yeah I’m glucose intolerant I’m lactose
yeah I’m glucose intolerant I’m lactose intolerant and maybe intolerant so I
intolerant and maybe intolerant so I
intolerant and maybe intolerant so I think you have to be much more explicit
think you have to be much more explicit
think you have to be much more explicit about the word it doesn’t work for you
about the word it doesn’t work for you
about the word it doesn’t work for you so when I talk to people about language
so when I talk to people about language
so when I talk to people about language I
I
I say look every time I hear the word I
say look every time I hear the word I
say look every time I hear the word I just want you to know every time I hear
just want you to know every time I hear
just want you to know every time I hear the word maybe I my brain computes to
the word maybe I my brain computes to
the word maybe I my brain computes to know so when you when you say that word
know so when you when you say that word
know so when you when you say that word all I hear is no and gradually the
all I hear is no and gradually the
all I hear is no and gradually the people around you will begin to
people around you will begin to
people around you will begin to understand that there are boundaries and
understand that there are boundaries and
understand that there are boundaries and there are ways in which they they will
there are ways in which they they will
there are ways in which they they will want to have and you will want to have a
want to have and you will want to have a
want to have and you will want to have a conversation with them now if you adapt
conversation with them now if you adapt
conversation with them now if you adapt to this approach if you if you can sign
to this approach if you if you can sign
to this approach if you if you can sign the maybe word to the bin what’s going
the maybe word to the bin what’s going
the maybe word to the bin what’s going to happen were you going to get some
to happen were you going to get some
to happen were you going to get some yeses and you’re going to get some nose
yeses and you’re going to get some nose
yeses and you’re going to get some nose that’s the choices that that you’ve now
that’s the choices that that you’ve now
that’s the choices that that you’ve now offered the people around you and no is
offered the people around you and no is
offered the people around you and no is fine so long as you get no with context
fine so long as you get no with context
fine so long as you get no with context because you can learn from it and you
because you can learn from it and you
because you can learn from it and you can understand from it that’s very very
can understand from it that’s very very
can understand from it that’s very very important and I just want to leave you
important and I just want to leave you
important and I just want to leave you with one thought which is many of us I
with one thought which is many of us I
with one thought which is many of us I hope all of us feel great when we hear
hope all of us feel great when we hear
hope all of us feel great when we hear the word yes it’s a fantastic feeling
the word yes it’s a fantastic feeling
the word yes it’s a fantastic feeling when you you get affirmation you get a
when you you get affirmation you get a
when you you get affirmation you get a positive feeling of agreement consensus
positive feeling of agreement consensus
positive feeling of agreement consensus so every time you give a yes to someone
so every time you give a yes to someone
so every time you give a yes to someone it makes them feel good and every time
it makes them feel good and every time
it makes them feel good and every time you say yes to something it gives you
you say yes to something it gives you
you say yes to something it gives you another opportunity to learn something
another opportunity to learn something
another opportunity to learn something new and so if you ditch the M word and
new and so if you ditch the M word and
new and so if you ditch the M word and focus on the yes word and understand the
focus on the yes word and understand the
focus on the yes word and understand the no word and context I think you’re going
no word and context I think you’re going
no word and context I think you’re going to be in really good shape thanks very
to be in really good shape thanks very
to be in really good shape thanks very much
”
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