I this is not your typical parenting talk I am NOT a parent while I am
talk I am NOT a parent while I am
talk I am NOT a parent while I am perhaps old enough to be one I’m not I’m
perhaps old enough to be one I’m not I’m
perhaps old enough to be one I’m not I’m 18 years old I have one brother called
18 years old I have one brother called
18 years old I have one brother called Jamie and I live with my parents have
Jamie and I live with my parents have
Jamie and I live with my parents have done since the day I was born
done since the day I was born
done since the day I was born one thing I’m becoming acutely aware of
one thing I’m becoming acutely aware of
one thing I’m becoming acutely aware of as I leave my childhood is the positive
as I leave my childhood is the positive
as I leave my childhood is the positive social and cultural influence I received
social and cultural influence I received
social and cultural influence I received from my parents they’ve taught me to be
from my parents they’ve taught me to be
from my parents they’ve taught me to be brave when looking out the world to
brave when looking out the world to
brave when looking out the world to discover things beyond my comfort zone
discover things beyond my comfort zone
discover things beyond my comfort zone beyond my expectations of myself and
beyond my expectations of myself and
beyond my expectations of myself and what they were raised to believe they
what they were raised to believe they
what they were raised to believe they say I’ve done the same for them too
say I’ve done the same for them too
say I’ve done the same for them too that’s helped them broaden their
that’s helped them broaden their
that’s helped them broaden their worldview and their reception of things
worldview and their reception of things
worldview and their reception of things like art music and modern culture this
like art music and modern culture this
like art music and modern culture this is me at 6 years old now I was never
is me at 6 years old now I was never
is me at 6 years old now I was never that good at getting up in the mornings
that good at getting up in the mornings
that good at getting up in the mornings but even at this very young age my
but even at this very young age my
but even at this very young age my parents had instilled within me an
parents had instilled within me an
parents had instilled within me an appreciation for classic rock playing in
appreciation for classic rock playing in
appreciation for classic rock playing in the car
the car
the car losing me on the artist when the song
losing me on the artist when the song
losing me on the artist when the song came on the radio making me appreciate a
came on the radio making me appreciate a
came on the radio making me appreciate a part of culture we perhaps don’t expect
part of culture we perhaps don’t expect
part of culture we perhaps don’t expect six-year-olds to be interested in my dad
six-year-olds to be interested in my dad
six-year-olds to be interested in my dad used this to his advantage
used this to his advantage
used this to his advantage every morning stairway to heaven by Led
every morning stairway to heaven by Led
every morning stairway to heaven by Led Zeppelin would be played after the
Zeppelin would be played after the
Zeppelin would be played after the speakers outside my room and every
speakers outside my room and every
speakers outside my room and every morning that it was played I’d be up and
morning that it was played I’d be up and
morning that it was played I’d be up and ready for the drum solo so that me in my
ready for the drum solo so that me in my
ready for the drum solo so that me in my pajamas state could play air drums and
pajamas state could play air drums and
pajamas state could play air drums and rock out and end up at school on time I
rock out and end up at school on time I
rock out and end up at school on time I think that’s the first tangible moment I
think that’s the first tangible moment I
think that’s the first tangible moment I experienced this cultural influence of
experienced this cultural influence of
experienced this cultural influence of my parents first time I discovered a
my parents first time I discovered a
my parents first time I discovered a love for something thanks to them and
love for something thanks to them and
love for something thanks to them and this discovery has continued I have a
this discovery has continued I have a
this discovery has continued I have a very strong bond with my dad and from
very strong bond with my dad and from
very strong bond with my dad and from him
him
him I received the love of such things as
I received the love of such things as
I received the love of such things as old Mel Brooks movies Indian food and
old Mel Brooks movies Indian food and
old Mel Brooks movies Indian food and any music with guitar in it through 1989
any music with guitar in it through 1989
any music with guitar in it through 1989 this is to be expected to some degree in
this is to be expected to some degree in
this is to be expected to some degree in any familiar relationship but when I
any familiar relationship but when I
any familiar relationship but when I start to grow up a more unexpected
start to grow up a more unexpected
start to grow up a more unexpected things seem to occur my parents became
things seem to occur my parents became
things seem to occur my parents became more like friends and parents
more like friends and parents
more like friends and parents a relationship had been fostered from a
a relationship had been fostered from a
a relationship had been fostered from a very young age which make parent and
very young age which make parent and
very young age which make parent and child intellectual equals and that led
child intellectual equals and that led
child intellectual equals and that led to reciprocal discovery and it is a
to reciprocal discovery and it is a
to reciprocal discovery and it is a reciprocal discovery my parents listened
reciprocal discovery my parents listened
reciprocal discovery my parents listened to slam poets and rappers because I made
to slam poets and rappers because I made
to slam poets and rappers because I made mixtapes for them and I love to find
mixtapes for them and I love to find
mixtapes for them and I love to find myself an alien places and to travel
myself an alien places and to travel
myself an alien places and to travel everywhere cuz my mom she’s been
everywhere cuz my mom she’s been
everywhere cuz my mom she’s been everywhere too
everywhere too
everywhere too and she’s taken us with her either
and she’s taken us with her either
and she’s taken us with her either through buying the plane tickets or
through buying the plane tickets or
through buying the plane tickets or telling us her stories countless
telling us her stories countless
telling us her stories countless cultural discoveries have been made and
cultural discoveries have been made and
cultural discoveries have been made and I think that’s one thing that makes our
I think that’s one thing that makes our
I think that’s one thing that makes our family special our eagerness to share
family special our eagerness to share
family special our eagerness to share with each other to fall in love with
with each other to fall in love with
with each other to fall in love with something I want to give it back to the
something I want to give it back to the
something I want to give it back to the people we love as well my ability to do
people we love as well my ability to do
people we love as well my ability to do this could be attributed to the wider
this could be attributed to the wider
this could be attributed to the wider nature of media today and sheer volume
nature of media today and sheer volume
nature of media today and sheer volume of amazing things I’m exposed to but I
of amazing things I’m exposed to but I
of amazing things I’m exposed to but I also think it’s a product of the way I
also think it’s a product of the way I
also think it’s a product of the way I was raised as a kid when I was young the
was raised as a kid when I was young the
was raised as a kid when I was young the sky was the limit
sky was the limit
sky was the limit there was nothing I couldn’t do nothing
there was nothing I couldn’t do nothing
there was nothing I couldn’t do nothing I couldn’t achieve nothing I couldn’t
I couldn’t achieve nothing I couldn’t
I couldn’t achieve nothing I couldn’t think but I can try at least once no
think but I can try at least once no
think but I can try at least once no interest was futile or pointless if I
interest was futile or pointless if I
interest was futile or pointless if I was interested in it it was important my
was interested in it it was important my
was interested in it it was important my parents took part in that with me
in contrast that my upbringing in leafy
in contrast that my upbringing in leafy West landed in the 1960s Farrah’s very
West landed in the 1960s Farrah’s very
West landed in the 1960s Farrah’s very much in the the post-war mold it was
much in the the post-war mold it was
much in the the post-war mold it was there’s very much a culture of
there’s very much a culture of
there’s very much a culture of limitation I started schooled at the age
limitation I started schooled at the age
limitation I started schooled at the age of four that’s the Sunday before I
of four that’s the Sunday before I
of four that’s the Sunday before I started definitely think that on my
started definitely think that on my
started definitely think that on my personality was similar salaries at that
personality was similar salaries at that
personality was similar salaries at that young age highly intelligent interested
young age highly intelligent interested
young age highly intelligent interested in everything questioning everything and
in everything questioning everything and
in everything questioning everything and really not sitting still for a moment
really not sitting still for a moment
really not sitting still for a moment now regrettably my parents and teachers
now regrettably my parents and teachers
now regrettably my parents and teachers too kind of didn’t recognize that and I
too kind of didn’t recognize that and I
too kind of didn’t recognize that and I was dismissed as a quotes naughty child
was dismissed as a quotes naughty child
was dismissed as a quotes naughty child every new Pursuit every noob interest
every new Pursuit every noob interest
every new Pursuit every noob interest was dismissed as a craze or was a phase
was dismissed as a craze or was a phase
was dismissed as a craze or was a phase I grew out of and this even carried on
I grew out of and this even carried on
I grew out of and this even carried on into my early adulthood the example of
into my early adulthood the example of
into my early adulthood the example of that would be having gone to sixth form
that would be having gone to sixth form
that would be having gone to sixth form college I’m a Business Studies course
college I’m a Business Studies course
college I’m a Business Studies course excelled at everything my parents said
excelled at everything my parents said
excelled at everything my parents said no you can’t go to university you’ve got
no you can’t go to university you’ve got
no you can’t go to university you’ve got to go and get a job like a dad did that
to go and get a job like a dad did that
to go and get a job like a dad did that kind of more than kind of it was a had a
kind of more than kind of it was a had a
kind of more than kind of it was a had a profound effect on me and it did lead to
profound effect on me and it did lead to
profound effect on me and it did lead to some quite dark episodes later in my
some quite dark episodes later in my
some quite dark episodes later in my life one thing that I am swore in my
life one thing that I am swore in my
life one thing that I am swore in my probably my late teens was that if I
probably my late teens was that if I
probably my late teens was that if I ever had children I was endeavor to put
ever had children I was endeavor to put
ever had children I was endeavor to put together an environment which would
together an environment which would
together an environment which would foster their development and I just
foster their development and I just
foster their development and I just wouldn’t hold them back I would let them
wouldn’t hold them back I would let them
wouldn’t hold them back I would let them discover who they really were
this nurturing an accepting environment
this nurturing an accepting environment is key to the cultural discoveries
is key to the cultural discoveries
is key to the cultural discoveries you’ve been able to make without the
you’ve been able to make without the
you’ve been able to make without the strict discipline and pressure of a
strict discipline and pressure of a
strict discipline and pressure of a traditional parenting style a you will
traditional parenting style a you will
traditional parenting style a you will do this because I told you to ethos it’s
do this because I told you to ethos it’s
do this because I told you to ethos it’s easier to create a relationship we’re
easier to create a relationship we’re
easier to create a relationship we’re all mistakes and harsh words are dealt
all mistakes and harsh words are dealt
all mistakes and harsh words are dealt with and negotiated and apologized for
with and negotiated and apologized for
with and negotiated and apologized for where a family can see each other as
where a family can see each other as
where a family can see each other as peers as well as family this harmonious
peers as well as family this harmonious
peers as well as family this harmonious relationship was complicated when I came
relationship was complicated when I came
relationship was complicated when I came to a more personal discovery
to a more personal discovery
to a more personal discovery in the summer of 2015 when I came out as
in the summer of 2015 when I came out as
in the summer of 2015 when I came out as transgender it was a situation which
transgender it was a situation which
transgender it was a situation which made cultural discovery and sharing
made cultural discovery and sharing
made cultural discovery and sharing difficult because just making my
difficult because just making my
difficult because just making my familial relationships function was
familial relationships function was
familial relationships function was difficult in my parents eyes I was no
difficult in my parents eyes I was no
difficult in my parents eyes I was no longer the person they discovered these
longer the person they discovered these
longer the person they discovered these things with and how was I sharing if I
things with and how was I sharing if I
things with and how was I sharing if I wasn’t sharing this fundamental part of
wasn’t sharing this fundamental part of
wasn’t sharing this fundamental part of myself
myself
myself it seemed that for the first time we
it seemed that for the first time we
it seemed that for the first time we couldn’t understand each other we could
couldn’t understand each other we could
couldn’t understand each other we could no longer communicate these big concepts
no longer communicate these big concepts
no longer communicate these big concepts that previously characterized our
that previously characterized our
that previously characterized our interactions and I was afraid the
interactions and I was afraid the
interactions and I was afraid the discovery would stop that I would lose
discovery would stop that I would lose
discovery would stop that I would lose this precious relationship with the most
this precious relationship with the most
this precious relationship with the most precious people in my life but obviously
precious people in my life but obviously
precious people in my life but obviously that didn’t happen we utilize one of the
that didn’t happen we utilize one of the
that didn’t happen we utilize one of the things we learn in our time as a family
things we learn in our time as a family
things we learn in our time as a family our many philosophical debates on
our many philosophical debates on
our many philosophical debates on politics and morality in which star wars
politics and morality in which star wars
politics and morality in which star wars film was the best it made us rather good
film was the best it made us rather good
film was the best it made us rather good at talking to each other we discussed
at talking to each other we discussed
at talking to each other we discussed these big and scary ideas of gender in
these big and scary ideas of gender in
these big and scary ideas of gender in any words we could we put two very
any words we could we put two very
any words we could we put two very different worlds together to create one
different worlds together to create one
different worlds together to create one I could learn new things about myself as
I could learn new things about myself as
I could learn new things about myself as my parents learn them about me today
my parents learn them about me today
my parents learn them about me today people look at me and my parents may see
people look at me and my parents may see
people look at me and my parents may see something unshakable observing the
something unshakable observing the
something unshakable observing the positive social impact you’ve had on
positive social impact you’ve had on
positive social impact you’ve had on each other and the fact that we’re
each other and the fact that we’re
each other and the fact that we’re happier because of it it’s how we got
happier because of it it’s how we got
happier because of it it’s how we got here we were dancing like fools at a
here we were dancing like fools at a
here we were dancing like fools at a local concert a concert for a band
local concert a concert for a band
local concert a concert for a band I’m arguably too young to be interested
I’m arguably too young to be interested
I’m arguably too young to be interested in and yes he introduced me to him we
in and yes he introduced me to him we
in and yes he introduced me to him we were screaming lyrics in each other’s
were screaming lyrics in each other’s
were screaming lyrics in each other’s faces and Claire and organisers saw us
faces and Claire and organisers saw us
faces and Claire and organisers saw us and thought that something amazing
and thought that something amazing
and thought that something amazing that’s something that’s something
that’s something that’s something
that’s something that’s something someone can make a TED talk about and
someone can make a TED talk about and
someone can make a TED talk about and we’re here because we think so too
we’re here because we think so too
we’re here because we think so too you deserve to have this current kind of
you deserve to have this current kind of
you deserve to have this current kind of relationship with your parents and your
relationship with your parents and your
relationship with your parents and your children it strengthens interpersonal
children it strengthens interpersonal
children it strengthens interpersonal relationships and personal identity it
relationships and personal identity it
relationships and personal identity it makes us more culturally aware and
makes us more culturally aware and
makes us more culturally aware and society that’s always fluctuating and
society that’s always fluctuating and
society that’s always fluctuating and changing and demanding acceptance for
changing and demanding acceptance for
changing and demanding acceptance for that my world is so much bigger and
that my world is so much bigger and
that my world is so much bigger and brighter because my parents weren’t
brighter because my parents weren’t
brighter because my parents weren’t afraid to foster my curiosity
afraid to foster my curiosity
afraid to foster my curiosity – let me foster this they created an
– let me foster this they created an
– let me foster this they created an environment to let me discover things
environment to let me discover things
environment to let me discover things just for the simple pleasure of seeing
just for the simple pleasure of seeing
just for the simple pleasure of seeing me be myself I’ve seen me happy and the
me be myself I’ve seen me happy and the
me be myself I’ve seen me happy and the best thing I get back from this I get to
best thing I get back from this I get to
best thing I get back from this I get to listen to them singing their songs I
listen to them singing their songs I
listen to them singing their songs I showed them they roll down the windows
showed them they roll down the windows
showed them they roll down the windows in the car and scream the lyrics like
in the car and scream the lyrics like
in the car and scream the lyrics like they’ve known them their whole lives
they’ve known them their whole lives
they’ve known them their whole lives watching films and crying with laughter
watching films and crying with laughter
watching films and crying with laughter together crying on the bad days when we
together crying on the bad days when we
together crying on the bad days when we make not so kind discoveries building
make not so kind discoveries building
make not so kind discoveries building each other back up learning how a smile
each other back up learning how a smile
each other back up learning how a smile looks on two faces that are slowly aging
looks on two faces that are slowly aging
looks on two faces that are slowly aging two faces I’ve known my whole life but
two faces I’ve known my whole life but
two faces I’ve known my whole life but I’m constantly learning new things about
I’m constantly learning new things about
I’m constantly learning new things about the best thing I get back from this all
the best thing I get back from this all
the best thing I get back from this all this incessant discovery well I get to
this incessant discovery well I get to
this incessant discovery well I get to see them happy – thank you and thank you
see them happy – thank you and thank you
see them happy – thank you and thank you for
for
for [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] you
”
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