my name is sireesha I’m 17 years old and today I want to talk to you about my
today I want to talk to you about my
today I want to talk to you about my father I want to talk to you about my
father I want to talk to you about my
father I want to talk to you about my father and my art and the way that
father and my art and the way that
father and my art and the way that creating art helps me to cope with
creating art helps me to cope with
creating art helps me to cope with losing my father so my first memory of
losing my father so my first memory of
losing my father so my first memory of my father is of him carrying me around
my father is of him carrying me around
my father is of him carrying me around at my first birthday party now there are
at my first birthday party now there are
at my first birthday party now there are pictures and videos of that party and
pictures and videos of that party and
pictures and videos of that party and the dress that I wore still hangs in my
the dress that I wore still hangs in my
the dress that I wore still hangs in my closet so I can’t tell you if I truly
closet so I can’t tell you if I truly
closet so I can’t tell you if I truly remember it or if all the photographs
remember it or if all the photographs
remember it or if all the photographs and the recordings have left impressions
and the recordings have left impressions
and the recordings have left impressions in my mind but what I can tell you is
in my mind but what I can tell you is
in my mind but what I can tell you is that I remember distinctly what it’s
that I remember distinctly what it’s
that I remember distinctly what it’s like to be held by him when I was in
like to be held by him when I was in
like to be held by him when I was in first grade he started this game with me
first grade he started this game with me
first grade he started this game with me as he drove me to school every day he
as he drove me to school every day he
as he drove me to school every day he would list out the names of countries in
would list out the names of countries in
would list out the names of countries in the car and I would have to respond with
the car and I would have to respond with
the car and I would have to respond with the state capital are the capitals of
the state capital are the capitals of
the state capital are the capitals of the countries and we did this for years
the countries and we did this for years
the countries and we did this for years and years really until I started high
and years really until I started high
and years really until I started high school and after a while it just became
school and after a while it just became
school and after a while it just became reflexive like music the way that you
reflexive like music the way that you
reflexive like music the way that you just know the next word in the song i
just know the next word in the song i
just know the next word in the song i knew the capital of Indonesia Jakarta
knew the capital of Indonesia Jakarta
knew the capital of Indonesia Jakarta Australia Canberra Pakistan Islamabad
Australia Canberra Pakistan Islamabad
Australia Canberra Pakistan Islamabad and sometimes he was wrong too for the
and sometimes he was wrong too for the
and sometimes he was wrong too for the longest time he told me that the capital
longest time he told me that the capital
longest time he told me that the capital of New Zealand was Christchurch and even
of New Zealand was Christchurch and even
of New Zealand was Christchurch and even now that I know that that’s wrong when
now that I know that that’s wrong when
now that I know that that’s wrong when New Zealand comes up in casual
New Zealand comes up in casual
New Zealand comes up in casual conversation my tongue wants to form the
conversation my tongue wants to form the
conversation my tongue wants to form the word Christchurch on my lips and it’s
word Christchurch on my lips and it’s
word Christchurch on my lips and it’s weird because he’s not with us anymore
weird because he’s not with us anymore
weird because he’s not with us anymore but in that way in ways like that it
but in that way in ways like that it
but in that way in ways like that it feels like he’s almost ingrained in me
feels like he’s almost ingrained in me
feels like he’s almost ingrained in me but it took me a long time to be able to
but it took me a long time to be able to
but it took me a long time to be able to say things like that it took me a long
say things like that it took me a long
say things like that it took me a long time to be able to admit to myself that
time to be able to admit to myself that
time to be able to admit to myself that I was a teenager with a fatally ill
I was a teenager with a fatally ill
I was a teenager with a fatally ill father or that I was 17 and didn’t have
father or that I was 17 and didn’t have
father or that I was 17 and didn’t have one at all when I was in third grade
one at all when I was in third grade
one at all when I was in third grade dude have some medical complications my
dude have some medical complications my
dude have some medical complications my father experienced heart failure and he
father experienced heart failure and he
father experienced heart failure and he survived but after that he forever had a
survived but after that he forever had a
survived but after that he forever had a weak heart and the entire experience for
weak heart and the entire experience for
weak heart and the entire experience for me was like some kind of bad dream
me was like some kind of bad dream
me was like some kind of bad dream though I had fallen into one of those
though I had fallen into one of those
though I had fallen into one of those books that I like to pick up the library
books that I like to pick up the library
books that I like to pick up the library every Sunday where someone’s parent has
every Sunday where someone’s parent has
every Sunday where someone’s parent has died or something inordinately terrible
died or something inordinately terrible
died or something inordinately terrible has happened just so that the author can
has happened just so that the author can
has happened just so that the author can raise the stakes of the story but I
raise the stakes of the story but I
raise the stakes of the story but I always thought that like Alice one day I
always thought that like Alice one day I
always thought that like Alice one day I would tumble back out of the rabbit hole
would tumble back out of the rabbit hole
would tumble back out of the rabbit hole and my life would go back to the way
and my life would go back to the way
and my life would go back to the way that I thought it should look like which
that I thought it should look like which
that I thought it should look like which is really more like some 1950s sitcom
is really more like some 1950s sitcom
is really more like some 1950s sitcom where everyone’s smiling and no fight
where everyone’s smiling and no fight
where everyone’s smiling and no fight lasts too long but of course that’s not
lasts too long but of course that’s not
lasts too long but of course that’s not what happened with sickness often comes
what happened with sickness often comes
what happened with sickness often comes depression and when a parent is
depression and when a parent is
depression and when a parent is depressed it affects the entire family
depressed it affects the entire family
depressed it affects the entire family my parents especially my mother tried
my parents especially my mother tried
my parents especially my mother tried very hard to make sure that my brother
very hard to make sure that my brother
very hard to make sure that my brother and I still lived a normal life but I
and I still lived a normal life but I
and I still lived a normal life but I was a kind of child that like to press
was a kind of child that like to press
was a kind of child that like to press my ears to close doors to try and catch
my ears to close doors to try and catch
my ears to close doors to try and catch a glimpse of what the adults were say
a glimpse of what the adults were say
a glimpse of what the adults were say and so I knew a lot more about the
and so I knew a lot more about the
and so I knew a lot more about the situation that I should have and I would
situation that I should have and I would
situation that I should have and I would go back to my third-grade classroom and
go back to my third-grade classroom and
go back to my third-grade classroom and I would sit in that desk and I would
I would sit in that desk and I would
I would sit in that desk and I would feel such an anger towards everyone else
feel such an anger towards everyone else
feel such an anger towards everyone else in that classroom because I felt like I
in that classroom because I felt like I
in that classroom because I felt like I had to face the real world and they
had to face the real world and they
had to face the real world and they didn’t and that’s when I first started
didn’t and that’s when I first started
didn’t and that’s when I first started writing seriously or as seriously as a
writing seriously or as seriously as a
writing seriously or as seriously as a third grader can do anything anyway but
third grader can do anything anyway but
third grader can do anything anyway but I realized that I could create worlds in
I realized that I could create worlds in
I realized that I could create worlds in which bad things didn’t happen to little
which bad things didn’t happen to little
which bad things didn’t happen to little girls who didn’t deserve then because I
girls who didn’t deserve then because I
girls who didn’t deserve then because I had realized perhaps a little bit too
had realized perhaps a little bit too
had realized perhaps a little bit too early that this world has no karmic
early that this world has no karmic
early that this world has no karmic balance whatsoever and so I took refuge
balance whatsoever and so I took refuge
balance whatsoever and so I took refuge in creating worlds that did give me that
in creating worlds that did give me that
in creating worlds that did give me that and so I was writing for hours and hours
and so I was writing for hours and hours
and so I was writing for hours and hours after school inking page over and page
after school inking page over and page
after school inking page over and page of characters that I created with my own
of characters that I created with my own
of characters that I created with my own mind and that was incredibly empowering
mind and that was incredibly empowering
mind and that was incredibly empowering as well because as a third grader whose
as well because as a third grader whose
as well because as a third grader whose life had spun out of control being able
life had spun out of control being able
life had spun out of control being able to be the master of my own story on the
to be the master of my own story on the
to be the master of my own story on the page was everything and as I grew as a
page was everything and as I grew as a
page was everything and as I grew as a writer it became more about just
writer it became more about just
writer it became more about just escapism there’s there’s something
escapism there’s there’s something
escapism there’s there’s something beautiful about the written word because
beautiful about the written word because
beautiful about the written word because it forces you to take what’s the jumble
it forces you to take what’s the jumble
it forces you to take what’s the jumble of thoughts that are in your mind and
of thoughts that are in your mind and
of thoughts that are in your mind and make sense of it on the page articulate
make sense of it on the page articulate
make sense of it on the page articulate it too
it too
it too fine it and after a while in the tunnels
fine it and after a while in the tunnels
fine it and after a while in the tunnels of everything that was happening to me I
of everything that was happening to me I
of everything that was happening to me I started writing to understand myself I
started writing to understand myself I
started writing to understand myself I would write characters with similar
would write characters with similar
would write characters with similar experiences as me and I would work out
experiences as me and I would work out
experiences as me and I would work out my anxiety and my fears on the page and
my anxiety and my fears on the page and
my anxiety and my fears on the page and it became so that I was writing versions
it became so that I was writing versions
it became so that I was writing versions of myself in order to understand myself
of myself in order to understand myself
of myself in order to understand myself and it was also around this time that I
and it was also around this time that I
and it was also around this time that I started to paint seriously and it’s a
started to paint seriously and it’s a
started to paint seriously and it’s a little bit harder to explain why
little bit harder to explain why
little bit harder to explain why painting brought me so much solace in my
painting brought me so much solace in my
painting brought me so much solace in my time of need but there’s something about
time of need but there’s something about
time of need but there’s something about the familiarity of the oil paint the
the familiarity of the oil paint the
the familiarity of the oil paint the smell of turpentine the beautiful way in
smell of turpentine the beautiful way in
smell of turpentine the beautiful way in which the charcoal crumbles across the
which the charcoal crumbles across the
which the charcoal crumbles across the page that really brought me comfort and
page that really brought me comfort and
page that really brought me comfort and there’s a power in being able to slash
there’s a power in being able to slash
there’s a power in being able to slash bright colors against white canvases and
bright colors against white canvases and
bright colors against white canvases and there’s something incredibly cathartic
there’s something incredibly cathartic
there’s something incredibly cathartic about being able to mix paints that can
about being able to mix paints that can
about being able to mix paints that can somehow display your emotions the
somehow display your emotions the
somehow display your emotions the elations of the yellow the the sadnesses
elations of the yellow the the sadnesses
elations of the yellow the the sadnesses of the blues but that’s not a new
of the blues but that’s not a new
of the blues but that’s not a new phenomenon because writers and artists
phenomenon because writers and artists
phenomenon because writers and artists have been using their work to grapple
have been using their work to grapple
have been using their work to grapple with tragedy for centuries from
with tragedy for centuries from
with tragedy for centuries from Picasso’s blue period to go a series of
Picasso’s blue period to go a series of
Picasso’s blue period to go a series of black paintings they’re all examples of
black paintings they’re all examples of
black paintings they’re all examples of the way that ink with ink and oil paint
the way that ink with ink and oil paint
the way that ink with ink and oil paint and turpentine people are able to
and turpentine people are able to
and turpentine people are able to release their emotions onto the canvas
release their emotions onto the canvas
release their emotions onto the canvas but in a world in which art is seen more
but in a world in which art is seen more
but in a world in which art is seen more and more as a luxury rather than a
and more as a luxury rather than a
and more as a luxury rather than a necessity and in a world in which we
necessity and in a world in which we
necessity and in a world in which we pride ourselves in being silent and
pride ourselves in being silent and
pride ourselves in being silent and strong and resilient in our pain we
strong and resilient in our pain we
strong and resilient in our pain we often forget how easy it is and how
often forget how easy it is and how
often forget how easy it is and how helpful it is for art to help us in our
helpful it is for art to help us in our
helpful it is for art to help us in our time of need and that’s what happened to
time of need and that’s what happened to
time of need and that’s what happened to me and what I also didn’t realize
me and what I also didn’t realize
me and what I also didn’t realize through all of this was even as
through all of this was even as
through all of this was even as audiences we turn to art in our time of
audiences we turn to art in our time of
audiences we turn to art in our time of need from Picasso’s Guernica which was a
need from Picasso’s Guernica which was a
need from Picasso’s Guernica which was a way of him to commiserate with the
way of him to commiserate with the
way of him to commiserate with the bombing of a Spanish town to the litany
bombing of a Spanish town to the litany
bombing of a Spanish town to the litany of post 9-11 art to the Paris peace
of post 9-11 art to the Paris peace
of post 9-11 art to the Paris peace symbol that many of you probably shared
symbol that many of you probably shared
symbol that many of you probably shared on social media in the wake of the
on social media in the wake of the
on social media in the wake of the attack we as audiences have also leaned
attack we as audiences have also leaned
attack we as audiences have also leaned on art for centuries to help us find
on art for centuries to help us find
on art for centuries to help us find solace but at that point am I writing an
solace but at that point am I writing an
solace but at that point am I writing an artistic career I didn’t understand that
artistic career I didn’t understand that
artistic career I didn’t understand that and so I began to feel a tremendous
and so I began to feel a tremendous
and so I began to feel a tremendous sense of guilt really because as I wrote
sense of guilt really because as I wrote
sense of guilt really because as I wrote more and more to submit to competitions
more and more to submit to competitions
more and more to submit to competitions and to get published and as I painted in
and to get published and as I painted in
and to get published and as I painted in order to become exhibited I began to
order to become exhibited I began to
order to become exhibited I began to feel like I might be profiting from my
feel like I might be profiting from my
feel like I might be profiting from my father’s illness because so much of my
father’s illness because so much of my
father’s illness because so much of my work was rooted in what was happening in
work was rooted in what was happening in
work was rooted in what was happening in my family and it didn’t sit right with
my family and it didn’t sit right with
my family and it didn’t sit right with me that every time I father ended up in
me that every time I father ended up in
me that every time I father ended up in the hospital I was able to write a piece
the hospital I was able to write a piece
the hospital I was able to write a piece of prose that I was incredibly proud of
of prose that I was incredibly proud of
of prose that I was incredibly proud of and I was afraid that if I kept writing
and I was afraid that if I kept writing
and I was afraid that if I kept writing about tragedy it was going to define me
about tragedy it was going to define me
about tragedy it was going to define me and I didn’t want to be defined by
and I didn’t want to be defined by
and I didn’t want to be defined by something that had happened to me when I
something that had happened to me when I
something that had happened to me when I was 15 years old or 17 years old I was
was 15 years old or 17 years old I was
was 15 years old or 17 years old I was afraid of being pigeon-holed as a sad
afraid of being pigeon-holed as a sad
afraid of being pigeon-holed as a sad artist the same way that actors can be
artist the same way that actors can be
artist the same way that actors can be romantic leads for their entire career
romantic leads for their entire career
romantic leads for their entire career or the bad guys and I struggled with
or the bad guys and I struggled with
or the bad guys and I struggled with that constantly and it got to the point
that constantly and it got to the point
that constantly and it got to the point where I was forcing myself to write
where I was forcing myself to write
where I was forcing myself to write about things that I really didn’t care
about things that I really didn’t care
about things that I really didn’t care about and that lowered the stakes of the
about and that lowered the stakes of the
about and that lowered the stakes of the story for me personally and you could
story for me personally and you could
story for me personally and you could tell my writing simply wasn’t as good
tell my writing simply wasn’t as good
tell my writing simply wasn’t as good and the same thing was happening with my
and the same thing was happening with my
and the same thing was happening with my art instead of throwing colors on the
art instead of throwing colors on the
art instead of throwing colors on the page and somehow creating a work that
page and somehow creating a work that
page and somehow creating a work that displayed how I was feeling I started to
displayed how I was feeling I started to
displayed how I was feeling I started to force myself to paint scenery and still
force myself to paint scenery and still
force myself to paint scenery and still lives and there was no passion in that
lives and there was no passion in that
lives and there was no passion in that work and you could tell that there
work and you could tell that there
work and you could tell that there wasn’t I had stopped allowing myself to
wasn’t I had stopped allowing myself to
wasn’t I had stopped allowing myself to feel and to breathe through the written
feel and to breathe through the written
feel and to breathe through the written word and on a canvas and I was a satyr
word and on a canvas and I was a satyr
word and on a canvas and I was a satyr person because of it it was all becoming
person because of it it was all becoming
person because of it it was all becoming bottled up inside of me and my junior
bottled up inside of me and my junior
bottled up inside of me and my junior year was incredibly hard because of it
year was incredibly hard because of it
year was incredibly hard because of it and then my father had a stroke he had
and then my father had a stroke he had
and then my father had a stroke he had been ill since I was in third grade but
been ill since I was in third grade but
been ill since I was in third grade but somehow the tumult of his health had
somehow the tumult of his health had
somehow the tumult of his health had evened out and we had all gotten used to
evened out and we had all gotten used to
evened out and we had all gotten used to it but in the winter of 2014 everything
it but in the winter of 2014 everything
it but in the winter of 2014 everything was up in the air again and this time I
was up in the air again and this time I
was up in the air again and this time I was really old enough to understand I
was really old enough to understand I
was really old enough to understand I was old enough to understand that he was
was old enough to understand that he was
was old enough to understand that he was lucky to have survived I was old enough
lucky to have survived I was old enough
lucky to have survived I was old enough to understand that they were putting him
to understand that they were putting him
to understand that they were putting him on the heart-transplant list and I was
on the heart-transplant list and I was
on the heart-transplant list and I was old enough to understand that the
old enough to understand that the
old enough to understand that the medical bills that my mother had
medical bills that my mother had
medical bills that my mother had accidentally left in the printer were
accidentally left in the printer were
accidentally left in the printer were not going to be easy for us and when my
not going to be easy for us and when my
not going to be easy for us and when my father came home
father came home
father came home because a stroke often often messes with
because a stroke often often messes with
because a stroke often often messes with your brain he was often a very different
your brain he was often a very different
your brain he was often a very different person and so I felt like I was already
person and so I felt like I was already
person and so I felt like I was already morning someone who was still stood in
morning someone who was still stood in
morning someone who was still stood in front of me in flesh and blood and it
front of me in flesh and blood and it
front of me in flesh and blood and it was at that point that I stopped writing
was at that point that I stopped writing
was at that point that I stopped writing entirely and I stopped painting entirely
entirely and I stopped painting entirely
entirely and I stopped painting entirely too because it almost felt like I didn’t
too because it almost felt like I didn’t
too because it almost felt like I didn’t know how to it felt like if I put this
know how to it felt like if I put this
know how to it felt like if I put this down on the page or down on the canvas
down on the page or down on the canvas
down on the page or down on the canvas this was going to be my reality there
this was going to be my reality there
this was going to be my reality there was no tumbling out of the rabbit hole
was no tumbling out of the rabbit hole
was no tumbling out of the rabbit hole after that my life would no longer be
after that my life would no longer be
after that my life would no longer be sitting in the back seat of a car and
sitting in the back seat of a car and
sitting in the back seat of a car and trying to remember what the capital of
trying to remember what the capital of
trying to remember what the capital of Jakarta was our capital of Indonesia was
Jakarta was our capital of Indonesia was
Jakarta was our capital of Indonesia was this is what it would be and I wasn’t
this is what it would be and I wasn’t
this is what it would be and I wasn’t ready to admit that yet and when I did
ready to admit that yet and when I did
ready to admit that yet and when I did start writing and painting again it was
start writing and painting again it was
start writing and painting again it was only because I needed to fill up a
only because I needed to fill up a
only because I needed to fill up a resume for my college applications and
resume for my college applications and
resume for my college applications and they were all fluff pieces I wasn’t
they were all fluff pieces I wasn’t
they were all fluff pieces I wasn’t invested in them and I had stopped
invested in them and I had stopped
invested in them and I had stopped myself really from feeling through my
myself really from feeling through my
myself really from feeling through my words and my paintings but it became a
words and my paintings but it became a
words and my paintings but it became a new reality for me I was used to myself
new reality for me I was used to myself
new reality for me I was used to myself being like that being sad and not being
being like that being sad and not being
being like that being sad and not being able to properly articulate myself but
able to properly articulate myself but
able to properly articulate myself but to everyone around me I was an entirely
to everyone around me I was an entirely
to everyone around me I was an entirely different person and then a little over
different person and then a little over
different person and then a little over a month ago today my father passed away
a month ago today my father passed away
a month ago today my father passed away he had been in India for five months I
he had been in India for five months I
he had been in India for five months I hadn’t seen him and it was incredibly
hadn’t seen him and it was incredibly
hadn’t seen him and it was incredibly sudden none of us had expected it and in
sudden none of us had expected it and in
sudden none of us had expected it and in the week afterwards I avoided my
the week afterwards I avoided my
the week afterwards I avoided my notebooks my pens my paint like some
notebooks my pens my paint like some
notebooks my pens my paint like some kind of plague I was terrified to admit
kind of plague I was terrified to admit
kind of plague I was terrified to admit that this is actually happened because
that this is actually happened because
that this is actually happened because my 1950s sitcom dream I had finally
my 1950s sitcom dream I had finally
my 1950s sitcom dream I had finally found out was never going to come true
found out was never going to come true
found out was never going to come true and then one day I was sitting in a cafe
and then one day I was sitting in a cafe
and then one day I was sitting in a cafe in Palo Alto and I realized that my
in Palo Alto and I realized that my
in Palo Alto and I realized that my memories are so fragile they’re so
memories are so fragile they’re so
memories are so fragile they’re so fragile that I can’t even remember if my
fragile that I can’t even remember if my
fragile that I can’t even remember if my first memory is real or if it’s been
first memory is real or if it’s been
first memory is real or if it’s been doctored by all the photographs and
doctored by all the photographs and
doctored by all the photographs and videos that I’ve seen and I realized
videos that I’ve seen and I realized
videos that I’ve seen and I realized that if I want to remember my father 20
that if I want to remember my father 20
that if I want to remember my father 20 years from now 40 years from now the
years from now 40 years from now the
years from now 40 years from now the only thing that I can do is write it
only thing that I can do is write it
only thing that I can do is write it down it was the only way I had to paint
down it was the only way I had to paint
down it was the only way I had to paint it I had to write it in order to
it I had to write it in order to
it I had to write it in order to remember it and so I did
remember it and so I did
remember it and so I did I wrote down my first memory to my last
I wrote down my first memory to my last
I wrote down my first memory to my last memory and everything in between and
memory and everything in between and
memory and everything in between and then I was crying in a cafe in Palo Alto
then I was crying in a cafe in Palo Alto
then I was crying in a cafe in Palo Alto but I almost didn’t care because it was
but I almost didn’t care because it was
but I almost didn’t care because it was such a relief to finally be able to feel
such a relief to finally be able to feel
such a relief to finally be able to feel it again because the only way that I
it again because the only way that I
it again because the only way that I really know how to express myself and
really know how to express myself and
really know how to express myself and how to breathe is to be able to write
how to breathe is to be able to write
how to breathe is to be able to write and when I started painting again too
and when I started painting again too
and when I started painting again too though it took longer I wasn’t painting
though it took longer I wasn’t painting
though it took longer I wasn’t painting still lives anymore I was through trying
still lives anymore I was through trying
still lives anymore I was through trying to make more non-objective work I would
to make more non-objective work I would
to make more non-objective work I would throw colors onto the canvas and I would
throw colors onto the canvas and I would
throw colors onto the canvas and I would let my emotions dictate what happened
let my emotions dictate what happened
let my emotions dictate what happened and it changed me entirely it allowed me
and it changed me entirely it allowed me
and it changed me entirely it allowed me to truly understand that admitting
to truly understand that admitting
to truly understand that admitting reality is hard but the real pain is in
reality is hard but the real pain is in
reality is hard but the real pain is in hiding what’s happening and as this
hiding what’s happening and as this
hiding what’s happening and as this happened I remembered what one of my
happened I remembered what one of my
happened I remembered what one of my mentors at a writing camp once told me
mentors at a writing camp once told me
mentors at a writing camp once told me she said right into your obsessions
she said right into your obsessions
she said right into your obsessions young writers are so terrified of only
young writers are so terrified of only
young writers are so terrified of only writing about one thing and thus being
writing about one thing and thus being
writing about one thing and thus being dictated as a immature writer and not
dictated as a immature writer and not
dictated as a immature writer and not being able to make it as a writer but
being able to make it as a writer but
being able to make it as a writer but you’re only writing about something so
you’re only writing about something so
you’re only writing about something so much because it’s important to you and
much because it’s important to you and
much because it’s important to you and when it stops being important to you
when it stops being important to you
when it stops being important to you you’re going to stop writing about it
you’re going to stop writing about it
you’re going to stop writing about it and that’s the key I think to living
and that’s the key I think to living
and that’s the key I think to living with tragedy without being defined by
with tragedy without being defined by
with tragedy without being defined by hit it’s finding a way to express
hit it’s finding a way to express
hit it’s finding a way to express yourself in a way that’s not a
yourself in a way that’s not a
yourself in a way that’s not a distraction but a catharsis and in my
distraction but a catharsis and in my
distraction but a catharsis and in my fear of becoming some kind of cliche
fear of becoming some kind of cliche
fear of becoming some kind of cliche writer and artist I had stopped myself
writer and artist I had stopped myself
writer and artist I had stopped myself from creating art that was honest
from creating art that was honest
from creating art that was honest because tragedy can come with guilt and
because tragedy can come with guilt and
because tragedy can come with guilt and anger and sadness and they can all
anger and sadness and they can all
anger and sadness and they can all threaten to take you over but i found a
threaten to take you over but i found a
threaten to take you over but i found a revelation in art I found a revelation
revelation in art I found a revelation
revelation in art I found a revelation in being able to express myself in ways
in being able to express myself in ways
in being able to express myself in ways that allowed me to admit the tenor of my
that allowed me to admit the tenor of my
that allowed me to admit the tenor of my sadness on the canvas and on the page
sadness on the canvas and on the page
sadness on the canvas and on the page when I wasn’t even able to admit it in
when I wasn’t even able to admit it in
when I wasn’t even able to admit it in my own head space because ultimately
my own head space because ultimately
my own head space because ultimately I’ve grown up with tragedy I’ve waited
I’ve grown up with tragedy I’ve waited
I’ve grown up with tragedy I’ve waited my entire life for the other shoe to
my entire life for the other shoe to
my entire life for the other shoe to drop with my father’s health and that
drop with my father’s health and that
drop with my father’s health and that can leave a pernicious shadow over you
can leave a pernicious shadow over you
can leave a pernicious shadow over you it can threaten to take you over but i
it can threaten to take you over but i
it can threaten to take you over but i think that our
think that our
think that our is the way out and not everyone’s an
is the way out and not everyone’s an
is the way out and not everyone’s an artist not everyone’s a writer or a
artist not everyone’s a writer or a
artist not everyone’s a writer or a painter but scientific research coding
painter but scientific research coding
painter but scientific research coding they’re all art in their own way it’s
they’re all art in their own way it’s
they’re all art in their own way it’s it’s about finding a way to express
it’s about finding a way to express
it’s about finding a way to express yourself it’s about finding your passion
yourself it’s about finding your passion
yourself it’s about finding your passion your art and allowing it to help you
your art and allowing it to help you
your art and allowing it to help you climb out of tragedy thank you
”
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