I have a mental illness I have depression general anxiety and a panic
depression general anxiety and a panic
depression general anxiety and a panic disorder that is not your usual
disorder that is not your usual
disorder that is not your usual introduction to a person I usually start
introduction to a person I usually start
introduction to a person I usually start with my name or a quirky fact I want to
with my name or a quirky fact I want to
with my name or a quirky fact I want to talk to you about what I have unlearned
talk to you about what I have unlearned
talk to you about what I have unlearned about mental illness a panic attack as
about mental illness a panic attack as
about mental illness a panic attack as described by the Mayo Clinic which is a
described by the Mayo Clinic which is a
described by the Mayo Clinic which is a non-profit medical research organization
non-profit medical research organization
non-profit medical research organization is the sudden episode of intense fear
is the sudden episode of intense fear
is the sudden episode of intense fear which triggers severe physical reactions
which triggers severe physical reactions
which triggers severe physical reactions when there is no real danger or apparent
when there is no real danger or apparent
when there is no real danger or apparent cause when I have a panic attack it
cause when I have a panic attack it
cause when I have a panic attack it begins with an overwhelming dullness of
begins with an overwhelming dullness of
begins with an overwhelming dullness of doom a dark dimension of dream I thought
doom a dark dimension of dream I thought
doom a dark dimension of dream I thought that panic attacks were a gossipy
that panic attacks were a gossipy
that panic attacks were a gossipy dramatization of stress I thought that
dramatization of stress I thought that
dramatization of stress I thought that everybody had panic attacks I thought
everybody had panic attacks I thought
everybody had panic attacks I thought that panic attacks were a little
that panic attacks were a little
that panic attacks were a little outburst of discomfort I have learned
outburst of discomfort I have learned
outburst of discomfort I have learned otherwise
otherwise
otherwise the most common way a panic attack is
the most common way a panic attack is
the most common way a panic attack is described by people who have them is
described by people who have them is
described by people who have them is that it feels like you are dying when I
that it feels like you are dying when I
that it feels like you are dying when I was in 10th grade I went through a
was in 10th grade I went through a
was in 10th grade I went through a period of about eight months where I was
period of about eight months where I was
period of about eight months where I was having approximately one panic attack
having approximately one panic attack
having approximately one panic attack every day every day felt like
every day every day felt like
every day every day felt like hyperventilating my way into purgatory I
hyperventilating my way into purgatory I
hyperventilating my way into purgatory I started going to therapy when I was in
started going to therapy when I was in
started going to therapy when I was in tenth grade I was asked to create a TED
tenth grade I was asked to create a TED
tenth grade I was asked to create a TED talk about mental illness at this time I
talk about mental illness at this time I
talk about mental illness at this time I was still locked in my dark movie
was still locked in my dark movie
was still locked in my dark movie theatre of suicidal thoughts it’s two
theatre of suicidal thoughts it’s two
theatre of suicidal thoughts it’s two years later I’m going to graduate in the
years later I’m going to graduate in the
years later I’m going to graduate in the spring and I now have a platform to
spring and I now have a platform to
spring and I now have a platform to reflect and discuss what I have learned
reflect and discuss what I have learned
reflect and discuss what I have learned about mental illness all of what I knew
about mental illness all of what I knew
about mental illness all of what I knew about mental illness what was pounded
about mental illness what was pounded
about mental illness what was pounded into my head through popular culture
into my head through popular culture
into my head through popular culture I had to unlearn i unlearned
I had to unlearn i unlearned
I had to unlearn i unlearned Aereo types of therapy by being in
Aereo types of therapy by being in
Aereo types of therapy by being in therapy now that’s not to say that the
therapy now that’s not to say that the
therapy now that’s not to say that the only way to unlearn stereotypes of
only way to unlearn stereotypes of
only way to unlearn stereotypes of mental illness is to be in therapy
mental illness is to be in therapy
mental illness is to be in therapy awareness is another strategy developing
awareness is another strategy developing
awareness is another strategy developing awareness of mental illness can help us
awareness of mental illness can help us
awareness of mental illness can help us break down stereotypes forty million US
break down stereotypes forty million US
break down stereotypes forty million US adults suffer from an anxiety disorder I
adults suffer from an anxiety disorder I
adults suffer from an anxiety disorder I had been born with bad genetics my
had been born with bad genetics my
had been born with bad genetics my genetic makeup is the fuel for my brain
genetic makeup is the fuel for my brain
genetic makeup is the fuel for my brain chemistry led by a family history of
chemistry led by a family history of
chemistry led by a family history of depression just as easily my genes
depression just as easily my genes
depression just as easily my genes predispose me to having medical problems
predispose me to having medical problems
predispose me to having medical problems with my thyroid gland that hypothetical
with my thyroid gland that hypothetical
with my thyroid gland that hypothetical is just as real as my reality of mental
is just as real as my reality of mental
is just as real as my reality of mental illness when I was in eighth grade my
illness when I was in eighth grade my
illness when I was in eighth grade my family spent Christmas at a river camp
family spent Christmas at a river camp
family spent Christmas at a river camp in Borneo Disney orangutangs I was 14
in Borneo Disney orangutangs I was 14
in Borneo Disney orangutangs I was 14 years old and my mom told me that her
years old and my mom told me that her
years old and my mom told me that her father killed himself when she was 19 in
father killed himself when she was 19 in
father killed himself when she was 19 in college that was the very first time I
college that was the very first time I
college that was the very first time I had ever talked about what suicide was
had ever talked about what suicide was
had ever talked about what suicide was with an adult and now his existence one
with an adult and now his existence one
with an adult and now his existence one that I had never known was tarnished
that I had never known was tarnished
that I had never known was tarnished with scandal and secrecy he was no
with scandal and secrecy he was no
with scandal and secrecy he was no longer the intelligent radiologist with
longer the intelligent radiologist with
longer the intelligent radiologist with a love for the Colorado wilderness he
a love for the Colorado wilderness he
a love for the Colorado wilderness he was just a man who killed himself he was
was just a man who killed himself he was
was just a man who killed himself he was a man who was depressed and killed
a man who was depressed and killed
a man who was depressed and killed himself
Zipporah likes neuro melatonin after two
Zipporah likes neuro melatonin after two months stopped taking several excellent
months stopped taking several excellent
months stopped taking several excellent switch to alexia switch enrolled
switch to alexia switch enrolled
switch to alexia switch enrolled lamotrigine with increasing dosage of 50
lamotrigine with increasing dosage of 50
lamotrigine with increasing dosage of 50 milligrams switch to 75 milligrams of
milligrams switch to 75 milligrams of
milligrams switch to 75 milligrams of lyrica at 40 milligrams of a glock
lyrica at 40 milligrams of a glock
lyrica at 40 milligrams of a glock switch alexia to prozac increased liriko
switch alexia to prozac increased liriko
switch alexia to prozac increased liriko to 75 milligrams per day the switch lira
to 75 milligrams per day the switch lira
to 75 milligrams per day the switch lira could decide practices that prex are not
could decide practices that prex are not
could decide practices that prex are not working well switch to abilify
working well switch to abilify
working well switch to abilify immediately drop abilify it causes
immediately drop abilify it causes
immediately drop abilify it causes akathisia dosage now remains 40
akathisia dosage now remains 40
akathisia dosage now remains 40 milligrams of Prozac in 37.5 milligrams
milligrams of Prozac in 37.5 milligrams
milligrams of Prozac in 37.5 milligrams of Agalloch taken once a day in the
of Agalloch taken once a day in the
of Agalloch taken once a day in the morning preferably with breakfast
medication takes a really long time to
medication takes a really long time to stabilize it took me about a year until
stabilize it took me about a year until
stabilize it took me about a year until I found the right dosage of mood
I found the right dosage of mood
I found the right dosage of mood stabilizers and antidepressants that
stabilizers and antidepressants that
stabilizers and antidepressants that worked for my body I reacted so
worked for my body I reacted so
worked for my body I reacted so extremely that I developed habits of
extremely that I developed habits of
extremely that I developed habits of self-harm and suicidal thoughts I was
self-harm and suicidal thoughts I was
self-harm and suicidal thoughts I was becoming my grandfather I was no longer
becoming my grandfather I was no longer
becoming my grandfather I was no longer the politically involved theater kid I
the politically involved theater kid I
the politically involved theater kid I was just mentally ill everybody who
was just mentally ill everybody who
was just mentally ill everybody who suffers from a mental illness is more
suffers from a mental illness is more
suffers from a mental illness is more than just their illness just like
than just their illness just like
than just their illness just like someone with lung cancer or broken leg
someone with lung cancer or broken leg
someone with lung cancer or broken leg is more than their physical health
is more than their physical health
is more than their physical health problems the difference is just that in
problems the difference is just that in
problems the difference is just that in our society we acknowledge those who are
our society we acknowledge those who are
our society we acknowledge those who are permanently or temporarily physically
permanently or temporarily physically
permanently or temporarily physically disabled because we see it mental
disabled because we see it mental
disabled because we see it mental illness comes with very few physical
illness comes with very few physical
illness comes with very few physical manifestations that can be viewed by the
manifestations that can be viewed by the
manifestations that can be viewed by the public mental illness is so ambiguous
public mental illness is so ambiguous
public mental illness is so ambiguous mental illness comes with the burden of
mental illness comes with the burden of
mental illness comes with the burden of shame commonly from your community this
shame commonly from your community this
shame commonly from your community this is also something that we have to
is also something that we have to
is also something that we have to unlearn I was an anxious toddler I was
unlearn I was an anxious toddler I was
unlearn I was an anxious toddler I was anxious in elementary school I was
anxious in elementary school I was
anxious in elementary school I was definitely anxious in middle school and
definitely anxious in middle school and
definitely anxious in middle school and I am anxious now we are taught that if
I am anxious now we are taught that if
I am anxious now we are taught that if someone is anxious we have to make them
someone is anxious we have to make them
someone is anxious we have to make them not anxious this language of fixing is
not anxious this language of fixing is
not anxious this language of fixing is something that we have to unlearn my
something that we have to unlearn my
something that we have to unlearn my goal is not to try to get rid of my
goal is not to try to get rid of my
goal is not to try to get rid of my mental illness my goal is to live as
mental illness my goal is to live as
mental illness my goal is to live as long as I am naturally able with my
long as I am naturally able with my
long as I am naturally able with my mental illness my goal is to be healthy
mental illness my goal is to be healthy
mental illness my goal is to be healthy for me something that I have learned to
for me something that I have learned to
for me something that I have learned to be very dangerous are the negative
be very dangerous are the negative
be very dangerous are the negative stereotypes that our society places on
stereotypes that our society places on
stereotypes that our society places on mental illness my grandfather was sick
mental illness my grandfather was sick
mental illness my grandfather was sick my grandfather died
my grandfather died
my grandfather died the danger that these stereotypes places
the danger that these stereotypes places
the danger that these stereotypes places on people who are suffering from mental
on people who are suffering from mental
on people who are suffering from mental illness is that it ostracize is people
illness is that it ostracize is people
illness is that it ostracize is people who feel chronic loneliness I would lie
who feel chronic loneliness I would lie
who feel chronic loneliness I would lie that I had taken my medication I would
that I had taken my medication I would
that I had taken my medication I would lie about self-harm and I would lie
lie about self-harm and I would lie
lie about self-harm and I would lie about suicidal thoughts to avoid
about suicidal thoughts to avoid
about suicidal thoughts to avoid judgment we need to start talking about
judgment we need to start talking about
judgment we need to start talking about mental illness in a way that is not
mental illness in a way that is not
mental illness in a way that is not judgemental or clinical we we need to
judgemental or clinical we we need to
judgemental or clinical we we need to start talking about mental illness as a
start talking about mental illness as a
start talking about mental illness as a health issue and there are productive
health issue and there are productive
health issue and there are productive ways to have these conversations
ways to have these conversations
ways to have these conversations self-harm and suicide are sexualized and
self-harm and suicide are sexualized and
self-harm and suicide are sexualized and romanticized on social media websites
romanticized on social media websites
romanticized on social media websites like Tumblr and Instagram through the
like Tumblr and Instagram through the
like Tumblr and Instagram through the catalyst of teenage girls razor thin
catalyst of teenage girls razor thin
catalyst of teenage girls razor thin scars on a girl’s arm captured in a
scars on a girl’s arm captured in a
scars on a girl’s arm captured in a field of flowers with the hashtag
field of flowers with the hashtag
field of flowers with the hashtag self-harm and suicide mental illness is
self-harm and suicide mental illness is
self-harm and suicide mental illness is not an aesthetic it’s called an illness
not an aesthetic it’s called an illness
not an aesthetic it’s called an illness for a reason it’s not sexy it’s not sexy
for a reason it’s not sexy it’s not sexy
for a reason it’s not sexy it’s not sexy not being able to sleep because of your
not being able to sleep because of your
not being able to sleep because of your medication or having your mother monitor
medication or having your mother monitor
medication or having your mother monitor your showers for razors it is not sexy
your showers for razors it is not sexy
your showers for razors it is not sexy mental illness is not an aesthetic
mental illness is not an aesthetic
mental illness is not an aesthetic triggers are not a joke I am so lucky my
triggers are not a joke I am so lucky my
triggers are not a joke I am so lucky my parents were able to afford a therapist
parents were able to afford a therapist
parents were able to afford a therapist who supports me my community adapted to
who supports me my community adapted to
who supports me my community adapted to my needs the fact that I go to a school
my needs the fact that I go to a school
my needs the fact that I go to a school that literally gave me a platform to
that literally gave me a platform to
that literally gave me a platform to reflect and discuss what I have learned
reflect and discuss what I have learned
reflect and discuss what I have learned about mental illness shows how
about mental illness shows how
about mental illness shows how privileged I am to try to begin to grasp
privileged I am to try to begin to grasp
privileged I am to try to begin to grasp at the relatively ambiguous concepts of
at the relatively ambiguous concepts of
at the relatively ambiguous concepts of mental illness we first need to be open
mental illness we first need to be open
mental illness we first need to be open to being wrong we need to be open and
to being wrong we need to be open and
to being wrong we need to be open and vulnerable to living our lives with the
vulnerable to living our lives with the
vulnerable to living our lives with the awareness of issues of mental illness
awareness of issues of mental illness
awareness of issues of mental illness within our community I had to unlearn my
within our community I had to unlearn my
within our community I had to unlearn my initial reaction of finding out that my
initial reaction of finding out that my
initial reaction of finding out that my grandfather killed himself
grandfather killed himself
grandfather killed himself it is not easy to change our
it is not easy to change our
it is not easy to change our perspectives of mental illness it comes
perspectives of mental illness it comes
perspectives of mental illness it comes with the pushback of our society but in
with the pushback of our society but in
with the pushback of our society but in doing so you are making the world a
doing so you are making the world a
doing so you are making the world a little bit easier for somebody else to
little bit easier for somebody else to
little bit easier for somebody else to exist in so let’s be open to unlearning
exist in so let’s be open to unlearning
exist in so let’s be open to unlearning thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
”
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