Thinking of You | Alketa Xhafa Mripa | TEDxAUK

thank you so much thank you all for the

thank you so much thank you all for the patient but until you started and thank

patient but until you started and thank

patient but until you started and thank you so much it’s a pleasure being here

you so much it’s a pleasure being here

you so much it’s a pleasure being here it’s an honor many of you sitting here

it’s an honor many of you sitting here

it’s an honor many of you sitting here tonight you know my history more or less

tonight you know my history more or less

tonight you know my history more or less but for those of you who don’t I would

but for those of you who don’t I would

but for those of you who don’t I would like to share some of my personal

like to share some of my personal

like to share some of my personal journey because that’s what helped me to

journey because that’s what helped me to

journey because that’s what helped me to create thinking of you I grew up in

create thinking of you I grew up in

create thinking of you I grew up in family of artists my brother and my

family of artists my brother and my

family of artists my brother and my father are both artists my earliest

father are both artists my earliest

father are both artists my earliest childhood memory are of my father him

childhood memory are of my father him

childhood memory are of my father him sitting in the chair and working and

sitting in the chair and working and

sitting in the chair and working and reworking the canvas he would sit there

reworking the canvas he would sit there

reworking the canvas he would sit there for hours I would watch it he used a

for hours I would watch it he used a

for hours I would watch it he used a variety of household and washcloth

variety of household and washcloth

variety of household and washcloth to the most random objects in the

to the most random objects in the

to the most random objects in the kitchen as a child I only had the

kitchen as a child I only had the

kitchen as a child I only had the slightest idea a basic awareness of what

slightest idea a basic awareness of what

slightest idea a basic awareness of what I was I was witnessing my father was

I was I was witnessing my father was

I was I was witnessing my father was expressing in canvas his emotions his

expressing in canvas his emotions his

expressing in canvas his emotions his uncertainties his struggles his worries

uncertainties his struggles his worries

uncertainties his struggles his worries his political views which he was

his political views which he was

his political views which he was forbidden to speak I was witnessing the

forbidden to speak I was witnessing the

forbidden to speak I was witnessing the intimate language of art my art practice

intimate language of art my art practice

intimate language of art my art practice centers on identity history and memory I

centers on identity history and memory I

centers on identity history and memory I am very passionate about human rights in

am very passionate about human rights in

am very passionate about human rights in general and especially about women

general and especially about women

general and especially about women issues and their role in society I grew

issues and their role in society I grew

issues and their role in society I grew up in 1990s Pristina Kosova under the

up in 1990s Pristina Kosova under the

up in 1990s Pristina Kosova under the trophy’s Milosevic regime it was the

trophy’s Milosevic regime it was the

trophy’s Milosevic regime it was the time when Albanians in Kosovo were

time when Albanians in Kosovo were

time when Albanians in Kosovo were constantly being denied basic human

constantly being denied basic human

constantly being denied basic human rights it was the time when Albanians

rights it was the time when Albanians

rights it was the time when Albanians experienced discrimination in employment

experienced discrimination in employment

experienced discrimination in employment equal high housing fair trails and

equal high housing fair trails and

equal high housing fair trails and education I am an Albanian and therefore

education I am an Albanian and therefore

education I am an Albanian and therefore I was not spared I was

I was not spared I was

I was not spared I was denied an education in my own language

denied an education in my own language

denied an education in my own language thankfully we completed high school and

thankfully we completed high school and

thankfully we completed high school and university in sort of makeshift parallel

university in sort of makeshift parallel

university in sort of makeshift parallel education system we created an

education system we created an

education system we created an underground school system in the homes

underground school system in the homes

underground school system in the homes of our professors and our peers an

of our professors and our peers an

of our professors and our peers an alternative system allowing us to

alternative system allowing us to

alternative system allowing us to continue our studies in those incredible

continue our studies in those incredible

continue our studies in those incredible harsh time I began to understand the

harsh time I began to understand the

harsh time I began to understand the priceless value of art as a unique

priceless value of art as a unique

priceless value of art as a unique language created by individual yet

language created by individual yet

language created by individual yet understood by all art became for me what

understood by all art became for me what

understood by all art became for me what it was and is for my father and my

it was and is for my father and my

it was and is for my father and my brother it is the way in which I best

brother it is the way in which I best

brother it is the way in which I best express myself art is my language of

express myself art is my language of

express myself art is my language of choice my voice that travels without me

choice my voice that travels without me

choice my voice that travels without me having to utter a word art has no

having to utter a word art has no

having to utter a word art has no barrier it is universal it is a way of

barrier it is universal it is a way of

barrier it is universal it is a way of expressing the unsaid or unsaleable a

expressing the unsaid or unsaleable a

expressing the unsaid or unsaleable a few years ago I came across a very rare

few years ago I came across a very rare

few years ago I came across a very rare TV documentary an interview about the

TV documentary an interview about the

TV documentary an interview about the survivors of sexual violence I watched

survivors of sexual violence I watched

survivors of sexual violence I watched as the woman hiding behind the curtain

as the woman hiding behind the curtain

as the woman hiding behind the curtain in a home in a hope of remaining

in a home in a hope of remaining

in a home in a hope of remaining anonymous recounted her story of sexual

anonymous recounted her story of sexual

anonymous recounted her story of sexual violence in the post-war period the

violence in the post-war period the

violence in the post-war period the streets of fistina were full of the

streets of fistina were full of the

streets of fistina were full of the stories of people’s struggles the

stories of people’s struggles the

stories of people’s struggles the stories of heroism of the freedom

stories of heroism of the freedom

stories of heroism of the freedom fighters the stories of massacres

fighters the stories of massacres

fighters the stories of massacres horrifying stories which were told and

horrifying stories which were told and

horrifying stories which were told and retold yet in all the years since the

retold yet in all the years since the

retold yet in all the years since the war ended I had never once heard a woman

war ended I had never once heard a woman

war ended I had never once heard a woman share her story of being sexually

share her story of being sexually

share her story of being sexually violated

violated

violated I watched the documentary and I watched

I watched the documentary and I watched

I watched the documentary and I watched the woman hidden behind the curtain told

the woman hidden behind the curtain told

the woman hidden behind the curtain told her story of sexual brutality and then I

her story of sexual brutality and then I

her story of sexual brutality and then I lay I listened as this woman went on to

lay I listened as this woman went on to

lay I listened as this woman went on to talk about how it just did not end there

talk about how it just did not end there

talk about how it just did not end there she was not only sexually violated

she was not only sexually violated

she was not only sexually violated but she was then stigmatized by the

but she was then stigmatized by the

but she was then stigmatized by the society that she lived and loved she was

society that she lived and loved she was

society that she lived and loved she was viewed as the woman without an honor she

viewed as the woman without an honor she

viewed as the woman without an honor she had to live with a feeling of shaming

had to live with a feeling of shaming

had to live with a feeling of shaming her family I couldn’t believe that on

her family I couldn’t believe that on

her family I couldn’t believe that on top of the reality of her horrific

top of the reality of her horrific

top of the reality of her horrific experience she was forced to carry the

experience she was forced to carry the

experience she was forced to carry the guilt she was carrying a lifelong burden

guilt she was carrying a lifelong burden

guilt she was carrying a lifelong burden without ever having committed a crime I

without ever having committed a crime I

without ever having committed a crime I knew she was not alone there were many

knew she was not alone there were many

knew she was not alone there were many and many that remained silent and in the

and many that remained silent and in the

and many that remained silent and in the dark there were many women who were

dark there were many women who were

dark there were many women who were encouraged by their families not to

encouraged by their families not to

encouraged by their families not to speak about the sexual violence they

speak about the sexual violence they

speak about the sexual violence they experienced in the war during the war in

experienced in the war during the war in

experienced in the war during the war in Kosovo sexual violence was not a rare

Kosovo sexual violence was not a rare

Kosovo sexual violence was not a rare and isolated act it was deliberately

and isolated act it was deliberately

and isolated act it was deliberately used by the enemy forces as an

used by the enemy forces as an

used by the enemy forces as an instrument to terrorize civilian

instrument to terrorize civilian

instrument to terrorize civilian population and to push people to flee

population and to push people to flee

population and to push people to flee their homes I felt deep sadness for

their homes I felt deep sadness for

their homes I felt deep sadness for these woman’s they had experienced

these woman’s they had experienced

these woman’s they had experienced horrific terrible violence and then

horrific terrible violence and then

horrific terrible violence and then being rejected by the societies so as I

being rejected by the societies so as I

being rejected by the societies so as I was watching the documentary I was

was watching the documentary I was

was watching the documentary I was wondering why are these women being

wondering why are these women being

wondering why are these women being treated this way why were they being

treated this way why were they being

treated this way why were they being silenced and stigmatized and where were

silenced and stigmatized and where were

silenced and stigmatized and where were the institution that were supposed to

the institution that were supposed to

the institution that were supposed to protect them and support them

protect them and support them

protect them and support them after watching the document documentary

after watching the document documentary

after watching the document documentary I knew that I needed to do something

I knew that I needed to do something

I knew that I needed to do something about it and I knew I had a feeling that

about it and I knew I had a feeling that

about it and I knew I had a feeling that I had to push this woman to break the

I had to push this woman to break the

I had to push this woman to break the silence I wanted to fight the stigma and

silence I wanted to fight the stigma and

silence I wanted to fight the stigma and I wanted to know that I am thinking of

I wanted to know that I am thinking of

I wanted to know that I am thinking of you we are all thinking of them and they

you we are all thinking of them and they

you we are all thinking of them and they are not alone I wanted to do something

are not alone I wanted to do something

are not alone I wanted to do something that would involve the whole of the

that would involve the whole of the

that would involve the whole of the whole society the institution the

whole society the institution the

whole society the institution the government

government

government I wanted the woman to feel the

I wanted the woman to feel the

I wanted the woman to feel the Solidarity of nation coming together to

Solidarity of nation coming together to

Solidarity of nation coming together to help and to give something that left a

help and to give something that left a

help and to give something that left a mark on my childhood as I said before my

mark on my childhood as I said before my

mark on my childhood as I said before my art practice centers on identity memory

art practice centers on identity memory

art practice centers on identity memory and his

and his

and his sorry something that left a mark on my

sorry something that left a mark on my

sorry something that left a mark on my child is that with my parents I

child is that with my parents I

child is that with my parents I participated in a massive events of

participated in a massive events of

participated in a massive events of reconciliation of the blood feuds during

reconciliation of the blood feuds during

reconciliation of the blood feuds during the early 1990s that was the first time

the early 1990s that was the first time

the early 1990s that was the first time that I witnessed the sense of solidarity

that I witnessed the sense of solidarity

that I witnessed the sense of solidarity when the whole nation came together when

when the whole nation came together when

when the whole nation came together when people from all walks of life

people from all walks of life

people from all walks of life rich poor rural urban men and woman

rich poor rural urban men and woman

rich poor rural urban men and woman forgave the old disputes and then moved

forgave the old disputes and then moved

forgave the old disputes and then moved forward I would never forget that moment

forward I would never forget that moment

forward I would never forget that moment I wanted this woman to feel exactly the

I wanted this woman to feel exactly the

I wanted this woman to feel exactly the same solidarity the giving the

same solidarity the giving the

same solidarity the giving the understanding of pain the recognition of

understanding of pain the recognition of

understanding of pain the recognition of it and then moving forward thinking of

it and then moving forward thinking of

it and then moving forward thinking of you is dedicated to the Kosovo survivors

you is dedicated to the Kosovo survivors

you is dedicated to the Kosovo survivors of sexual violence during the war but

of sexual violence during the war but

of sexual violence during the war but the same time it is dedicated to the

the same time it is dedicated to the

the same time it is dedicated to the horse to the old sexuals to the all

horse to the old sexuals to the all

horse to the old sexuals to the all sexual violence all over the world it

sexual violence all over the world it

sexual violence all over the world it has its roots in Kosova but at the same

has its roots in Kosova but at the same

has its roots in Kosova but at the same time it has a universal language of its

time it has a universal language of its

time it has a universal language of its own and it can be understood and felt by

own and it can be understood and felt by

own and it can be understood and felt by everyone sexual violence continues to be

everyone sexual violence continues to be

everyone sexual violence continues to be used as instrument of war and its

used as instrument of war and its

used as instrument of war and its victims remain unrecognized and silenced

victims remain unrecognized and silenced

victims remain unrecognized and silenced globally so in creating the art

globally so in creating the art

globally so in creating the art installation thinking of you I wanted to

installation thinking of you I wanted to

installation thinking of you I wanted to make a direct call to break the silence

make a direct call to break the silence

make a direct call to break the silence to fight the stigma a call to act and

to fight the stigma a call to act and

to fight the stigma a call to act and show solidarity I called on men and

show solidarity I called on men and

show solidarity I called on men and women to donate a skirt or a dress to

women to donate a skirt or a dress to

women to donate a skirt or a dress to recognize the survivors I wanted to

recognize the survivors I wanted to

recognize the survivors I wanted to create a piece that there’s it showed

create a piece that there’s it showed

create a piece that there’s it showed there is no shame and no stigma I wanted

there is no shame and no stigma I wanted

there is no shame and no stigma I wanted to break the silence I wanted to bring

to break the silence I wanted to bring

to break the silence I wanted to bring this issue into the man’s world to a

this issue into the man’s world to a

this issue into the man’s world to a public split place I decided to take

public split place I decided to take

public split place I decided to take this hidden private issue that no one

this hidden private issue that no one

this hidden private issue that no one wanted to talk about and bring and place

wanted to talk about and bring and place

wanted to talk about and bring and place it in the main area in football stadium

it in the main area in football stadium

it in the main area in football stadium in Pristina

in Pristina

in Pristina I decided to create a piece where

I decided to create a piece where

I decided to create a piece where thousands of skirts and dresses were

thousands of skirts and dresses were

thousands of skirts and dresses were hung on the washing lines across the

hung on the washing lines across the

hung on the washing lines across the stadium and no longer would that be a

stadium and no longer would that be a

stadium and no longer would that be a voice behind the curtain across Kosova

voice behind the curtain across Kosova

voice behind the curtain across Kosova men and women young and old came forward

men and women young and old came forward

men and women young and old came forward to donate a skirt to join this activist

to donate a skirt to join this activist

to donate a skirt to join this activist art installation and by making everyone

art installation and by making everyone

art installation and by making everyone part of it part of this installation by

part of it part of this installation by

part of it part of this installation by the very act of going in each sitting

the very act of going in each sitting

the very act of going in each sitting and talking to the survivors and talking

and talking to the survivors and talking

and talking to the survivors and talking and collecting the skirts and talking

and collecting the skirts and talking

and collecting the skirts and talking the piece took on of its life on its own

the piece took on of its life on its own

the piece took on of its life on its own journey it became a journey of listening

journey it became a journey of listening

journey it became a journey of listening to the stories from all over cassava it

to the stories from all over cassava it

to the stories from all over cassava it became a place where woman shared their

became a place where woman shared their

became a place where woman shared their stories and their concerns it was very

stories and their concerns it was very

stories and their concerns it was very very emotional deep learning experience

very emotional deep learning experience

very emotional deep learning experience for me and for all who helped and

for me and for all who helped and

for me and for all who helped and participated the art installation

participated the art installation

participated the art installation brought us together to remember the pain

brought us together to remember the pain

brought us together to remember the pain and to honor the survivors we had come

and to honor the survivors we had come

and to honor the survivors we had come together to assure them that they did

together to assure them that they did

together to assure them that they did nothing wrong to tell them that we are

nothing wrong to tell them that we are

nothing wrong to tell them that we are thinking of you and together we will

thinking of you and together we will

thinking of you and together we will break the silence and stigma for many of

break the silence and stigma for many of

break the silence and stigma for many of the survivors participating giving the

the survivors participating giving the

the survivors participating giving the skirts and hanging them themselves it

skirts and hanging them themselves it

skirts and hanging them themselves it was a calming act of letting go and

was a calming act of letting go and

was a calming act of letting go and moving forward one survivor I spoke on

moving forward one survivor I spoke on

moving forward one survivor I spoke on the day of the installation sent me a

the day of the installation sent me a

the day of the installation sent me a text and it read we cried tears of joy

text and it read we cried tears of joy

text and it read we cried tears of joy that someone understands our concern and

that someone understands our concern and

that someone understands our concern and that people have come in such a massive

that people have come in such a massive

that people have come in such a massive numbers to support us there were many

numbers to support us there were many

numbers to support us there were many texts and phone calls another woman who

texts and phone calls another woman who

texts and phone calls another woman who donated a red dress told me that she had

donated a red dress told me that she had

donated a red dress told me that she had saved this dress and she couldn’t let it

saved this dress and she couldn’t let it

saved this dress and she couldn’t let it go

go

go until this day and has encouraged it was

until this day and has encouraged it was

until this day and has encouraged it was an immense

an immense

an immense immense honor to help these woman in the

immense honor to help these woman in the

immense honor to help these woman in the act of letting go and moving on the

act of letting go and moving on the

act of letting go and moving on the woman I met during the journey of

woman I met during the journey of

woman I met during the journey of thinking of you were all strong woman

thinking of you were all strong woman

thinking of you were all strong woman survivors who had suffered a lot and who

survivors who had suffered a lot and who

survivors who had suffered a lot and who deserved the recognition and the support

deserved the recognition and the support

deserved the recognition and the support of the community institution and

of the community institution and

of the community institution and government I can only hope that the art

government I can only hope that the art

government I can only hope that the art instillation thinking of you has

instillation thinking of you has

instillation thinking of you has encouraged our society to begin to break

encouraged our society to begin to break

encouraged our society to begin to break the silence for all the silence

the silence for all the silence

the silence for all the silence surrounding this issue there were many

surrounding this issue there were many

surrounding this issue there were many women activists and who kept fighting

women activists and who kept fighting

women activists and who kept fighting even when no one wanted to listen and I

even when no one wanted to listen and I

even when no one wanted to listen and I think all the volunteers everyone who

think all the volunteers everyone who

think all the volunteers everyone who contributed because they were an

contributed because they were an

contributed because they were an inspirational and enormous help on this

inspirational and enormous help on this

inspirational and enormous help on this journey thinking of you is a story of

journey thinking of you is a story of

journey thinking of you is a story of survivors strength and solidarity as a

survivors strength and solidarity as a

survivors strength and solidarity as a mother telling a story is part of my

mother telling a story is part of my

mother telling a story is part of my daily life so I want to end up telling

daily life so I want to end up telling

daily life so I want to end up telling you a story about the starfish story I

you a story about the starfish story I

you a story about the starfish story I don’t know how many of you know the

don’t know how many of you know the

don’t know how many of you know the starfish story of making the difference

starfish story of making the difference

starfish story of making the difference an old man was walking on the beach one

an old man was walking on the beach one

an old man was walking on the beach one morning after a big storm and the storm

morning after a big storm and the storm

morning after a big storm and the storm had washed up thousands and thousands of

had washed up thousands and thousands of

had washed up thousands and thousands of starfish into the shore he sees a little

starfish into the shore he sees a little

starfish into the shore he sees a little girl in the distance and tossing

girl in the distance and tossing

girl in the distance and tossing starfish is back into the ocean and

starfish is back into the ocean and

starfish is back into the ocean and people watch amused the girls picks one

people watch amused the girls picks one

people watch amused the girls picks one up and tosses into the ocean and then

up and tosses into the ocean and then

up and tosses into the ocean and then another and then another the old man

another and then another the old man

another and then another the old man says little girl what are you doing you

says little girl what are you doing you

says little girl what are you doing you can’t save them all it’s impossible to

can’t save them all it’s impossible to

can’t save them all it’s impossible to make a difference

make a difference

make a difference there are thousands and thousands of

there are thousands and thousands of

there are thousands and thousands of star fishes in the shore so there is no

star fishes in the shore so there is no

star fishes in the shore so there is no way you can put them all back into the

way you can put them all back into the

way you can put them all back into the water returning another one back to the

water returning another one back to the

water returning another one back to the water she says with a smile it made a

water she says with a smile it made a

water she says with a smile it made a difference to that one and to this one

difference to that one and to this one

difference to that one and to this one and to the other one so then all the

and to the other one so then all the

and to the other one so then all the people came together they joined them

people came together they joined them

people came together they joined them and they starting

and they starting

and they starting in the starfishes into the ocean we can

in the starfishes into the ocean we can

in the starfishes into the ocean we can all make a difference and help create a

all make a difference and help create a

all make a difference and help create a positive change especially when we

positive change especially when we

positive change especially when we tackling and addressing massive social

tackling and addressing massive social

tackling and addressing massive social problems especially on this case of

problems especially on this case of

problems especially on this case of sexual violence

sexual violence

sexual violence I hope thinking of you give survived the

I hope thinking of you give survived the

I hope thinking of you give survived the strength and the support to move forward

strength and the support to move forward

strength and the support to move forward and to speak up and I hope it will

and to speak up and I hope it will

and to speak up and I hope it will encourage all of us to speak up because

encourage all of us to speak up because

encourage all of us to speak up because for together we really can make a real

for together we really can make a real

for together we really can make a real difference thank you

difference thank you

difference thank you [Applause]