I want to play a game but it has to be our game it has to be our secret that
our game it has to be our secret that
our game it has to be our secret that means that you can’t tell anyone that
means that you can’t tell anyone that
means that you can’t tell anyone that we’re playing this game not even your
we’re playing this game not even your
we’re playing this game not even your friends those were the words that he
friends those were the words that he
friends those were the words that he said to me he first began to touch me
said to me he first began to touch me
said to me he first began to touch me around the age of 8 he would touch me in
around the age of 8 he would touch me in
around the age of 8 he would touch me in places that were meant to be sacred I
trusted him and I thought that what he
trusted him and I thought that what he was doing was right I thought that
was doing was right I thought that
was doing was right I thought that playing a game with my stepfather was
playing a game with my stepfather was
playing a game with my stepfather was something that all little girls do but
something that all little girls do but
something that all little girls do but it wasn’t until I grew older after years
it wasn’t until I grew older after years
it wasn’t until I grew older after years and years of us playing this game our
and years of us playing this game our
and years of us playing this game our game that I learned I was being molested
game that I learned I was being molested
game that I learned I was being molested I have built a relationship with my
I have built a relationship with my
I have built a relationship with my stepfather being that he was present
stepfather being that he was present
stepfather being that he was present most of my life my dad was my dad is an
most of my life my dad was my dad is an
most of my life my dad was my dad is an alcoholic and he cheated on my mother
alcoholic and he cheated on my mother
alcoholic and he cheated on my mother when I was about 8 months old which left
when I was about 8 months old which left
when I was about 8 months old which left her to raise me and my two sisters alone
my mother was married to my stepfather
my mother was married to my stepfather for about eight years well at least
for about eight years well at least
for about eight years well at least that’s when the I stopped counting as a
that’s when the I stopped counting as a
that’s when the I stopped counting as a result most of my life was spent raised
result most of my life was spent raised
result most of my life was spent raised by my molester
it was fencing silence because I have
it was fencing silence because I have promised to keep this secret I also
promised to keep this secret I also
promised to keep this secret I also didn’t want to be blamed for what
didn’t want to be blamed for what
didn’t want to be blamed for what happened to me
happened to me
happened to me I didn’t want to be judged or labeled as
I didn’t want to be judged or labeled as
I didn’t want to be judged or labeled as hyper-sexualized
hyper-sexualized
hyper-sexualized because as a society we tend to put
because as a society we tend to put
because as a society we tend to put labels on things that we don’t fully
labels on things that we don’t fully
labels on things that we don’t fully understand because in our minds it’s
understand because in our minds it’s
understand because in our minds it’s easier to classify a situation or person
easier to classify a situation or person
easier to classify a situation or person then to have the realization that were
then to have the realization that were
then to have the realization that were all complex humans and so I shied away
all complex humans and so I shied away
all complex humans and so I shied away from the idea of people saying that I
from the idea of people saying that I
from the idea of people saying that I wanted it to happen and so I told no one
just like I didn’t tell anyone that I
just like I didn’t tell anyone that I was gay until my freshman year of
was gay until my freshman year of
was gay until my freshman year of college it took a while for me to accept
college it took a while for me to accept
college it took a while for me to accept it myself because I wanted so so badly
it myself because I wanted so so badly
it myself because I wanted so so badly to be straight I would pray every night
to be straight I would pray every night
to be straight I would pray every night for God to fix me to take what I was
for God to fix me to take what I was
for God to fix me to take what I was feeling away I prayed so much that my
feeling away I prayed so much that my
feeling away I prayed so much that my prayers had prayers growing up I felt
prayers had prayers growing up I felt
prayers had prayers growing up I felt obligated to have a boyfriend because
obligated to have a boyfriend because
obligated to have a boyfriend because that’s what everyone seemed to question
that’s what everyone seemed to question
that’s what everyone seemed to question me about I remember at a very young age
me about I remember at a very young age
me about I remember at a very young age being questioned by my great aunt and
being questioned by my great aunt and
being questioned by my great aunt and grandmother it was actually their
grandmother it was actually their
grandmother it was actually their favorite line what little boy I was
favorite line what little boy I was
favorite line what little boy I was crushing on in class other than my
crushing on in class other than my
crushing on in class other than my great-aunt asking how my hammer is
great-aunt asking how my hammer is
great-aunt asking how my hammer is hanging and me still to this day not
hanging and me still to this day not
hanging and me still to this day not having a clue what she was talking about
having a clue what she was talking about
having a clue what she was talking about I would say a random name like Jeffrey
I would say a random name like Jeffrey
I would say a random name like Jeffrey or Adam but in reality my soul was
or Adam but in reality my soul was
or Adam but in reality my soul was crying out for me to say the
crying out for me to say the
crying out for me to say the girl’s name that I would constantly
girl’s name that I would constantly
girl’s name that I would constantly smile at and she was smile back
smile at and she was smile back
smile at and she was smile back and so I went through my adolescent
and so I went through my adolescent
and so I went through my adolescent years seeking love from guys because
years seeking love from guys because
years seeking love from guys because that’s what I thought I was supposed to
that’s what I thought I was supposed to
that’s what I thought I was supposed to do I knew that if I were to come out and
do I knew that if I were to come out and
do I knew that if I were to come out and say that I would gain that I was gay I
say that I would gain that I was gay I
say that I would gain that I was gay I would have either been bullied or called
would have either been bullied or called
would have either been bullied or called an abomination or both and so I told no
an abomination or both and so I told no
an abomination or both and so I told no one we tend to live our lives telling no
one we tend to live our lives telling no
one we tend to live our lives telling no one our truths the truths that we’ve
one our truths the truths that we’ve
one our truths the truths that we’ve hidden so deep inside of us in hopes
hidden so deep inside of us in hopes
hidden so deep inside of us in hopes that they go away but still they linger
that they go away but still they linger
that they go away but still they linger and they haunt us because our truths are
and they haunt us because our truths are
and they haunt us because our truths are a part of who we’ve become our truths
a part of who we’ve become our truths
a part of who we’ve become our truths have helped to shape our present and
have helped to shape our present and
have helped to shape our present and they continue to mold our future but how
they continue to mold our future but how
they continue to mold our future but how did we as a society get away with not
did we as a society get away with not
did we as a society get away with not living our truths daily were axed by our
living our truths daily were axed by our
living our truths daily were axed by our peers colleagues and family the simple
peers colleagues and family the simple
peers colleagues and family the simple question of how are you doing and
question of how are you doing and
question of how are you doing and without even thinking we utter the words
without even thinking we utter the words
without even thinking we utter the words I’m well but are you really well 24
I’m well but are you really well 24
I’m well but are you really well 24 hours a day seven days a week
when is it ever okay to be humble enough
when is it ever okay to be humble enough to break down and say that life sucks
to break down and say that life sucks
to break down and say that life sucks today we build outer shells that have
today we build outer shells that have
today we build outer shells that have allowed us to get away with not being
allowed us to get away with not being
allowed us to get away with not being vulnerable but I would like to think
vulnerable but I would like to think
vulnerable but I would like to think that being vulnerable is what really
that being vulnerable is what really
that being vulnerable is what really makes us human
makes us human
makes us human but being vulnerable means that you have
but being vulnerable means that you have
but being vulnerable means that you have to live with yourself you have to live
to live with yourself you have to live
to live with yourself you have to live with your secrets and you have to accept
with your secrets and you have to accept
with your secrets and you have to accept your mistakes
I’ve lived with my untold truths for
I’ve lived with my untold truths for roughly 20 years and these are just now
roughly 20 years and these are just now
roughly 20 years and these are just now the truths that I’m willingly open to
the truths that I’m willingly open to
the truths that I’m willingly open to share imagine how many untold truths we
share imagine how many untold truths we
share imagine how many untold truths we carry throughout our lifetime imagine
carry throughout our lifetime imagine
carry throughout our lifetime imagine how these untold truths affect the
how these untold truths affect the
how these untold truths affect the generations that come after us if we
generations that come after us if we
generations that come after us if we shared more of our secrets and
shared more of our secrets and
shared more of our secrets and experiences with other people I believe
experiences with other people I believe
experiences with other people I believe that we could stop making those same
that we could stop making those same
that we could stop making those same mistakes over and over and over again as
mistakes over and over and over again as
mistakes over and over and over again as adults we have to be willing to engage
adults we have to be willing to engage
adults we have to be willing to engage in conversations that go beneath the
in conversations that go beneath the
in conversations that go beneath the surface the types of conversations that
surface the types of conversations that
surface the types of conversations that make you queasy and uncomfortable the
make you queasy and uncomfortable the
make you queasy and uncomfortable the types of conversations that most people
types of conversations that most people
types of conversations that most people avoid and we have to be willing to have
avoid and we have to be willing to have
avoid and we have to be willing to have those conversations with our youth so
those conversations with our youth so
those conversations with our youth so that they aren’t taught to live up to
that they aren’t taught to live up to
that they aren’t taught to live up to our unrealistic ideals of perfection
our unrealistic ideals of perfection
our unrealistic ideals of perfection shifting the narrative from perfection
shifting the narrative from perfection
shifting the narrative from perfection to truth because our youth are already
to truth because our youth are already
to truth because our youth are already living similar experiences such as mine
living similar experiences such as mine
living similar experiences such as mine and yours and they will continue to do
and yours and they will continue to do
and yours and they will continue to do so with them hidden if we don’t begin to
so with them hidden if we don’t begin to
so with them hidden if we don’t begin to address the elephant in the room
we have to stop placing the same
we have to stop placing the same band-aid over various levels of trauma
band-aid over various levels of trauma
band-aid over various levels of trauma that we all carry through our untold
that we all carry through our untold
that we all carry through our untold truths the first step for this paradigm
truths the first step for this paradigm
truths the first step for this paradigm shift to take place is humility it’s
shift to take place is humility it’s
shift to take place is humility it’s accepting that we don’t have all of the
accepting that we don’t have all of the
accepting that we don’t have all of the answers or that we aren’t as perfect as
answers or that we aren’t as perfect as
answers or that we aren’t as perfect as our Facebook and Instagram paints us to
our Facebook and Instagram paints us to
our Facebook and Instagram paints us to be and we must do so with an open mind
be and we must do so with an open mind
be and we must do so with an open mind and understanding that not everyone is
and understanding that not everyone is
and understanding that not everyone is in the same place growing up I didn’t
in the same place growing up I didn’t
in the same place growing up I didn’t know what it meant to be a kid that
know what it meant to be a kid that
know what it meant to be a kid that received free or reduced lunch I just
received free or reduced lunch I just
received free or reduced lunch I just knew that there was never a day that I
knew that there was never a day that I
knew that there was never a day that I would forget my lunch money
would forget my lunch money
would forget my lunch money but it wasn’t until I joined the
but it wasn’t until I joined the
but it wasn’t until I joined the education sector that I learned that
education sector that I learned that
education sector that I learned that Society has already placed a marker of
Society has already placed a marker of
Society has already placed a marker of failure on low-income students and I was
failure on low-income students and I was
failure on low-income students and I was one of them I didn’t know growing up
one of them I didn’t know growing up
one of them I didn’t know growing up that youth of color would not given the
that youth of color would not given the
that youth of color would not given the same resources as their peers I didn’t
same resources as their peers I didn’t
same resources as their peers I didn’t know that there were systems and
know that there were systems and
know that there were systems and structures still in place that
structures still in place that
structures still in place that contribute and promote the failures of
contribute and promote the failures of
contribute and promote the failures of entire races but as a very good friend
entire races but as a very good friend
entire races but as a very good friend of mine always says we have to stop
of mine always says we have to stop
of mine always says we have to stop looking at our youth of color from a
looking at our youth of color from a
looking at our youth of color from a deficit perspective in 2017 why are we
deficit perspective in 2017 why are we
deficit perspective in 2017 why are we still providing our youth with an
still providing our youth with an
still providing our youth with an education that is structured to prepare
education that is structured to prepare
education that is structured to prepare them for factory work but place the
them for factory work but place the
them for factory work but place the blame on them for being dissing
blame on them for being dissing
blame on them for being dissing aged when we’re the ones not meeting
aged when we’re the ones not meeting
aged when we’re the ones not meeting their needs I’ll ask that question again
their needs I’ll ask that question again
their needs I’ll ask that question again in 2017 why are we still providing our
in 2017 why are we still providing our
in 2017 why are we still providing our youth with an education that prepares
youth with an education that prepares
youth with an education that prepares them to work in factories but placed a
them to work in factories but placed a
them to work in factories but placed a blame on them for receiving DS or
blame on them for receiving DS or
blame on them for receiving DS or dropping out when we are the ones that
dropping out when we are the ones that
dropping out when we are the ones that are failing them we’ve skipped the step
are failing them we’ve skipped the step
are failing them we’ve skipped the step of building relationships with our youth
of building relationships with our youth
of building relationships with our youth and we’ve placed them into buckets based
and we’ve placed them into buckets based
and we’ve placed them into buckets based on their test scores and socioeconomic
on their test scores and socioeconomic
on their test scores and socioeconomic status we’ve projected their entire
status we’ve projected their entire
status we’ve projected their entire future in advance before they even step
future in advance before they even step
future in advance before they even step foot into middle school our youth
foot into middle school our youth
foot into middle school our youth specifically our youth of color are
specifically our youth of color are
specifically our youth of color are trying to thrive in environments that
trying to thrive in environments that
trying to thrive in environments that are structure for them to fail most are
are structure for them to fail most are
are structure for them to fail most are trying to navigate in spaces of white
trying to navigate in spaces of white
trying to navigate in spaces of white privilege some are trying to escape the
privilege some are trying to escape the
privilege some are trying to escape the perpetual cycles of poverty and others
perpetual cycles of poverty and others
perpetual cycles of poverty and others just want to feel as if they have a
just want to feel as if they have a
just want to feel as if they have a voice that’s worth listening to the way
voice that’s worth listening to the way
voice that’s worth listening to the way a person looks their ethnicity and race
a person looks their ethnicity and race
a person looks their ethnicity and race is not oftentimes the conversation that
is not oftentimes the conversation that
is not oftentimes the conversation that we want to have but we can’t truthfully
we want to have but we can’t truthfully
we want to have but we can’t truthfully talk about socioeconomic status if we’re
talk about socioeconomic status if we’re
talk about socioeconomic status if we’re not talking about race we can’t begin to
not talking about race we can’t begin to
not talking about race we can’t begin to eliminate sexism racism homophobia or
eliminate sexism racism homophobia or
eliminate sexism racism homophobia or classism if we aren’t talking about how
classism if we aren’t talking about how
classism if we aren’t talking about how they’re all interconnected we can’t skip
they’re all interconnected we can’t skip
they’re all interconnected we can’t skip the race conversation and dive into data
the race conversation and dive into data
the race conversation and dive into data for solutions on how to cure poverty
for solutions on how to cure poverty
for solutions on how to cure poverty because if you pull back the layers of
because if you pull back the layers of
because if you pull back the layers of that data you will see that all roads
that data you will see that all roads
that data you will see that all roads lead to your skintone so what do we do
lead to your skintone so what do we do
lead to your skintone so what do we do now that we’ve witnessed these perpetual
now that we’ve witnessed these perpetual
now that we’ve witnessed these perpetual cycles for centuries what do we do for
cycles for centuries what do we do for
cycles for centuries what do we do for the people that aren’t yet ready to
the people that aren’t yet ready to
the people that aren’t yet ready to accept this as truth and what do we do
accept this as truth and what do we do
accept this as truth and what do we do for the people that are willing and
for the people that are willing and
for the people that are willing and ready to engage in these conversations
ready to engage in these conversations
ready to engage in these conversations but don’t know where to start well
but don’t know where to start well
but don’t know where to start well myself and two seniors tallit tilman
myself and two seniors tallit tilman
myself and two seniors tallit tilman anti-wall de mola
anti-wall de mola
anti-wall de mola created the solution through an idea
created the solution through an idea
created the solution through an idea that has now evolved into a company
that has now evolved into a company
that has now evolved into a company called diversity talks diversity talks
called diversity talks diversity talks
called diversity talks diversity talks fosters a space for adults and youth to
fosters a space for adults and youth to
fosters a space for adults and youth to have difficult conversations in the
have difficult conversations in the
have difficult conversations in the classroom we’ve fostered this space by
classroom we’ve fostered this space by
classroom we’ve fostered this space by providing student-led professional
providing student-led professional
providing student-led professional development to K through 12 educators we
development to K through 12 educators we
development to K through 12 educators we incorporate topics such as race power
incorporate topics such as race power
incorporate topics such as race power privilege and oppression we train you to
privilege and oppression we train you to
privilege and oppression we train you to be able to facilitate these difficult
be able to facilitate these difficult
be able to facilitate these difficult conversations in a space where they
conversations in a space where they
conversations in a space where they spend most of their lives and are
spend most of their lives and are
spend most of their lives and are greatly impacted but the realization
greatly impacted but the realization
greatly impacted but the realization lies within the fact that even though
lies within the fact that even though
lies within the fact that even though they spent a great amount of time in the
they spent a great amount of time in the
they spent a great amount of time in the classroom all of their identities and
classroom all of their identities and
classroom all of their identities and experiences still have not been
experiences still have not been
experiences still have not been represented diversity Hawks axe adults
represented diversity Hawks axe adults
represented diversity Hawks axe adults to relinquish their power by allowing
to relinquish their power by allowing
to relinquish their power by allowing you to have a seat at the table an
you to have a seat at the table an
you to have a seat at the table an actual seat not to make decisions for
actual seat not to make decisions for
actual seat not to make decisions for themselves
just decisions based off of what we
just decisions based off of what we project on to them I knew that I
project on to them I knew that I
project on to them I knew that I couldn’t stand here before you today
couldn’t stand here before you today
couldn’t stand here before you today with untold truths while going out into
with untold truths while going out into
with untold truths while going out into the world and sharing the mission of
the world and sharing the mission of
the world and sharing the mission of diversity top I couldn’t continue to ask
diversity top I couldn’t continue to ask
diversity top I couldn’t continue to ask adults to reach a level of vulnerability
adults to reach a level of vulnerability
adults to reach a level of vulnerability and discomfort if I had it done so
and discomfort if I had it done so
and discomfort if I had it done so myself today I asked you to join me in
myself today I asked you to join me in
myself today I asked you to join me in living your truth join me by inter
living your truth join me by inter
living your truth join me by inter engaging with the next person that you
engaging with the next person that you
engaging with the next person that you cross paths with ask them how their day
cross paths with ask them how their day
cross paths with ask them how their day is going but instead wait long enough
is going but instead wait long enough
is going but instead wait long enough for a response
for a response
for a response pushing them beyond I’m well or it’s
pushing them beyond I’m well or it’s
pushing them beyond I’m well or it’s going well join me by having
going well join me by having
going well join me by having uncomfortable conversations it is then
uncomfortable conversations it is then
uncomfortable conversations it is then that we can begin to dismantle systems
that we can begin to dismantle systems
that we can begin to dismantle systems that aren’t equitable join diversity
that aren’t equitable join diversity
that aren’t equitable join diversity talks thank you
talks thank you
talks thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] you
you
you [Applause]
”
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