slamming our hams Salam alaykom TEDx how’s everybody doing thank you
so I’d like to take a moment to
so I’d like to take a moment to introduce myself my name is hala plush
introduce myself my name is hala plush
introduce myself my name is hala plush candy as you can see right there uh I’m
candy as you can see right there uh I’m
candy as you can see right there uh I’m a linguist I’m a cat lover I’m a poet
a linguist I’m a cat lover I’m a poet
a linguist I’m a cat lover I’m a poet and I have chronic depression and I’m
and I have chronic depression and I’m
and I have chronic depression and I’m here to talk about it today I know it’s
here to talk about it today I know it’s
here to talk about it today I know it’s not the most fun topic to talk about but
not the most fun topic to talk about but
not the most fun topic to talk about but I feel like it really needs to have more
I feel like it really needs to have more
I feel like it really needs to have more of a spotlight on it
of a spotlight on it
of a spotlight on it especially in our society in our culture
especially in our society in our culture
especially in our society in our culture for us for a long time my affliction or
for us for a long time my affliction or
for us for a long time my affliction or my life-partner
my life-partner
my life-partner if you will of depression has been a
if you will of depression has been a
if you will of depression has been a hindrance in my life I mean oh my god I
hindrance in my life I mean oh my god I
hindrance in my life I mean oh my god I could talk so much about depression but
could talk so much about depression but
could talk so much about depression but I only have 15 minutes so I’ll give you
I only have 15 minutes so I’ll give you
I only have 15 minutes so I’ll give you the very details of it I’ve been
the very details of it I’ve been
the very details of it I’ve been struggling with depression since before
struggling with depression since before
struggling with depression since before I even knew what depression was I didn’t
I even knew what depression was I didn’t
I even knew what depression was I didn’t even know there was a word for it until
even know there was a word for it until
even know there was a word for it until recently but for so much of my life I
recently but for so much of my life I
recently but for so much of my life I was bogged down by feelings of despair
was bogged down by feelings of despair
was bogged down by feelings of despair of hopelessness of inadequacy of simply
of hopelessness of inadequacy of simply
of hopelessness of inadequacy of simply just not being good enough I spent so
just not being good enough I spent so
just not being good enough I spent so much of my life being weighed down by my
much of my life being weighed down by my
much of my life being weighed down by my own sense of self-worth and not knowing
own sense of self-worth and not knowing
own sense of self-worth and not knowing or not being able to tell myself that I
or not being able to tell myself that I
or not being able to tell myself that I was good enough for anything it was a
was good enough for anything it was a
was good enough for anything it was a really bad time of my life and it’s been
really bad time of my life and it’s been
really bad time of my life and it’s been going on for ten years things really hit
going on for ten years things really hit
going on for ten years things really hit low for me I think my rock bottom was a
low for me I think my rock bottom was a
low for me I think my rock bottom was a couple of years ago I was a student at
couple of years ago I was a student at
couple of years ago I was a student at Princeton University here in Riyadh and
Princeton University here in Riyadh and
Princeton University here in Riyadh and when I first entered college I was like
when I first entered college I was like
when I first entered college I was like a shooting star I was brilliant all
a shooting star I was brilliant all
a shooting star I was brilliant all right well okay not brilliant but I was
right well okay not brilliant but I was
right well okay not brilliant but I was really good I had a 3.7 GPA
really good I had a 3.7 GPA
really good I had a 3.7 GPA I was captain of the debate team I was
I was captain of the debate team I was
I was captain of the debate team I was president of the drama club and then my
president of the drama club and then my
president of the drama club and then my depression started to catch up with me
depression started to catch up with me
depression started to catch up with me when something is new and exciting it’s
when something is new and exciting it’s
when something is new and exciting it’s easier to get excited about it but when
easier to get excited about it but when
easier to get excited about it but when things sort of fall into a routine it’s
things sort of fall into a routine it’s
things sort of fall into a routine it’s so easy for your old friend depression
so easy for your old friend depression
so easy for your old friend depression to come back and just start preying on
to come back and just start preying on
to come back and just start preying on your insecurities and so my academic
your insecurities and so my academic
your insecurities and so my academic performance went and I went from being a
performance went and I went from being a
performance went and I went from being a brilliant a plus student to somebody
brilliant a plus student to somebody
brilliant a plus student to somebody who’s been on academic probation so many
who’s been on academic probation so many
who’s been on academic probation so many times I don’t even know how many it was
times I don’t even know how many it was
times I don’t even know how many it was just like oh you’re back on academic
just like oh you’re back on academic
just like oh you’re back on academic probation again it’s fine
probation again it’s fine
probation again it’s fine that was my rock bottom and that was
that was my rock bottom and that was
that was my rock bottom and that was when I started to realize that I had a
when I started to realize that I had a
when I started to realize that I had a real problem and I started to realize
real problem and I started to realize
real problem and I started to realize that I needed help so I decided to look
that I needed help so I decided to look
that I needed help so I decided to look into it I decided to figure out what was
into it I decided to figure out what was
into it I decided to figure out what was wrong with me what was I doing wrong
wrong with me what was I doing wrong
wrong with me what was I doing wrong what was my problem so I would turn to
what was my problem so I would turn to
what was my problem so I would turn to the Internet as with anyone my age and I
the Internet as with anyone my age and I
the Internet as with anyone my age and I started looking up my symptoms and then
started looking up my symptoms and then
started looking up my symptoms and then I found out about this thing called
I found out about this thing called
I found out about this thing called depression depression is a mental
depression depression is a mental
depression depression is a mental condition as I’m sure we all know it
condition as I’m sure we all know it
condition as I’m sure we all know it affects us by making us feel not sad
affects us by making us feel not sad
affects us by making us feel not sad it’s very easy to confuse depression
it’s very easy to confuse depression
it’s very easy to confuse depression with sadness because they kind of mean
with sadness because they kind of mean
with sadness because they kind of mean the same thing but being sad is an
the same thing but being sad is an
the same thing but being sad is an emotion it’s a feeling and it comes with
emotion it’s a feeling and it comes with
emotion it’s a feeling and it comes with an event something makes you sad a bad
an event something makes you sad a bad
an event something makes you sad a bad grade makes you sad a fight with your
grade makes you sad a fight with your
grade makes you sad a fight with your friend makes you sad but depression is
friend makes you sad but depression is
friend makes you sad but depression is more than that depression is emptiness
more than that depression is emptiness
more than that depression is emptiness it’s a lack of feeling it’s hopelessness
it’s a lack of feeling it’s hopelessness
it’s a lack of feeling it’s hopelessness and despair I feel like a good analogy
and despair I feel like a good analogy
and despair I feel like a good analogy for depression is being trapped at the
for depression is being trapped at the
for depression is being trapped at the bottom of a well and literally just no
bottom of a well and literally just no
bottom of a well and literally just no way up not being able to get yourself
way up not being able to get yourself
way up not being able to get yourself out of that dark place that’s what my
out of that dark place that’s what my
out of that dark place that’s what my depression felt like for a very long
depression felt like for a very long
depression felt like for a very long time
time
time so I started to work on it and when I
so I started to work on it and when I
so I started to work on it and when I found out what was wrong with me
found out what was wrong with me
found out what was wrong with me and I figured out what the problem was I
and I figured out what the problem was I
and I figured out what the problem was I started to be able to work on a solution
started to be able to work on a solution
started to be able to work on a solution so I started reaching out I started
so I started reaching out I started
so I started reaching out I started talking to my family to my friends and I
talking to my family to my friends and I
talking to my family to my friends and I started telling them I have this problem
started telling them I have this problem
started telling them I have this problem and to my surprise to my shock I found
and to my surprise to my shock I found
and to my surprise to my shock I found out that I wasn’t alone
out that I wasn’t alone
out that I wasn’t alone according to recent census statistics
according to recent census statistics
according to recent census statistics around 80% of the Saudi population
around 80% of the Saudi population
around 80% of the Saudi population sorry around 70% of the Saudi population
sorry around 70% of the Saudi population
sorry around 70% of the Saudi population is under the age of 30 and around 80
is under the age of 30 and around 80
is under the age of 30 and around 80 percent of Saudi Arabia’s youth
percent of Saudi Arabia’s youth
percent of Saudi Arabia’s youth population has experienced symptoms of
population has experienced symptoms of
population has experienced symptoms of clinical depression I am really bad at
clinical depression I am really bad at
clinical depression I am really bad at math so I’m not even gonna try to guess
math so I’m not even gonna try to guess
math so I’m not even gonna try to guess how many people that is but I know it’s
how many people that is but I know it’s
how many people that is but I know it’s a lot it’s a lot of people and those
a lot it’s a lot of people and those
a lot it’s a lot of people and those feelings of despair and hopelessness
feelings of despair and hopelessness
feelings of despair and hopelessness that I was struggling with every single
that I was struggling with every single
that I was struggling with every single day
day
day about nine times out of ten when I’ve
about nine times out of ten when I’ve
about nine times out of ten when I’ve talked to somebody about feeling
talked to somebody about feeling
talked to somebody about feeling depression their responses me too
depression their responses me too
depression their responses me too I know what you’re talking about I felt
I know what you’re talking about I felt
I know what you’re talking about I felt it I’ve been there because of the stigma
it I’ve been there because of the stigma
it I’ve been there because of the stigma that we have we have like this opinion
that we have we have like this opinion
that we have we have like this opinion that there’s something shameful in
that there’s something shameful in
that there’s something shameful in Medora I am and I know because I think
Medora I am and I know because I think
Medora I am and I know because I think we can all relate to this when I’ve told
we can all relate to this when I’ve told
we can all relate to this when I’ve told people without mentioning names that you
people without mentioning names that you
people without mentioning names that you know I have depression I’ve heard
know I have depression I’ve heard
know I have depression I’ve heard reactions like yes this malaria came up
reactions like yes this malaria came up
reactions like yes this malaria came up aquiline oh yeah there’s nothing wrong
aquiline oh yeah there’s nothing wrong
aquiline oh yeah there’s nothing wrong with you you’re fine
with you you’re fine
with you you’re fine but the thing is depression is a
but the thing is depression is a
but the thing is depression is a physical condition as well as a mental
physical condition as well as a mental
physical condition as well as a mental one because it really does debilitate
one because it really does debilitate
one because it really does debilitate you it prevents you from living your
you it prevents you from living your
you it prevents you from living your life it doesn’t like sometimes I
life it doesn’t like sometimes I
life it doesn’t like sometimes I couldn’t even get out of bed because of
couldn’t even get out of bed because of
couldn’t even get out of bed because of my depression I would be you know lying
my depression I would be you know lying
my depression I would be you know lying in bed at 8 a.m.
in bed at 8 a.m.
in bed at 8 a.m. I have a class starting in two minutes
I have a class starting in two minutes
I have a class starting in two minutes and I’m just lying there like ya know
and I’m just lying there like ya know
and I’m just lying there like ya know it’s not gonna happen today not getting
it’s not gonna happen today not getting
it’s not gonna happen today not getting out of bed no way but what I don’t
out of bed no way but what I don’t
out of bed no way but what I don’t understand is a broken leg for example
understand is a broken leg for example
understand is a broken leg for example we’ll get a cast right you never go up
we’ll get a cast right you never go up
we’ll get a cast right you never go up to somebody who’s walking on crutches
to somebody who’s walking on crutches
to somebody who’s walking on crutches and be like hey can I be your legs not
and be like hey can I be your legs not
and be like hey can I be your legs not really broken you’re probably just
really broken you’re probably just
really broken you’re probably just imagining it get up you’ll be fine
imagining it get up you’ll be fine
imagining it get up you’ll be fine people don’t want to view depression as
people don’t want to view depression as
people don’t want to view depression as being a serious condition and I find
being a serious condition and I find
being a serious condition and I find that extremely unfortunate because it
that extremely unfortunate because it
that extremely unfortunate because it can be so deeply affecting to so many
can be so deeply affecting to so many
can be so deeply affecting to so many people’s lives but I going back to my
people’s lives but I going back to my
people’s lives but I going back to my earlier point where I mentioned that I
earlier point where I mentioned that I
earlier point where I mentioned that I was able to start my road to recovery by
was able to start my road to recovery by
was able to start my road to recovery by connecting with the people around me
connecting with the people around me
connecting with the people around me when I started to help people like me
when I started to help people like me
when I started to help people like me when I started realizing that there was
when I started realizing that there was
when I started realizing that there was a problem that needed fixing and I
a problem that needed fixing and I
a problem that needed fixing and I started to band my friends together I
started to band my friends together I
started to band my friends together I was able to start on my road to recovery
was able to start on my road to recovery
was able to start on my road to recovery I mentioned that a couple of years ago I
I mentioned that a couple of years ago I
I mentioned that a couple of years ago I had hit academic rock bottom I was
had hit academic rock bottom I was
had hit academic rock bottom I was struggling so much in school and I was
struggling so much in school and I was
struggling so much in school and I was doing very poorly well I’m happy very
doing very poorly well I’m happy very
doing very poorly well I’m happy very happy to point out that didn’t that
happy to point out that didn’t that
happy to point out that didn’t that didn’t last for as long as I was worried
didn’t last for as long as I was worried
didn’t last for as long as I was worried that I would if you had told me two
that I would if you had told me two
that I would if you had told me two years ago that one day I would be
years ago that one day I would be
years ago that one day I would be standing up on a TEDx stage talking
standing up on a TEDx stage talking
standing up on a TEDx stage talking about my depression I would have laughed
about my depression I would have laughed
about my depression I would have laughed so hard that I would have cured my
so hard that I would have cured my
so hard that I would have cured my depression and yet two days ago this
depression and yet two days ago this
depression and yet two days ago this happened
yeah see so yeah that was cool two years
yeah see so yeah that was cool two years ago I couldn’t even get out of bed to go
ago I couldn’t even get out of bed to go
ago I couldn’t even get out of bed to go to class and there we go depression is
to class and there we go depression is
to class and there we go depression is not curable not yet at least and not in
not curable not yet at least and not in
not curable not yet at least and not in any legal ways that I know about if you
any legal ways that I know about if you
any legal ways that I know about if you do know anything legal I can do to cure
do know anything legal I can do to cure
do know anything legal I can do to cure my depression come see me after the talk
my depression come see me after the talk
my depression come see me after the talk I do want to point out however two
I do want to point out however two
I do want to point out however two things if you are a person who
things if you are a person who
things if you are a person who experiences symptoms of depression I
experiences symptoms of depression I
experiences symptoms of depression I promise you it’s not always a permanent
promise you it’s not always a permanent
promise you it’s not always a permanent thing things get better there’s always a
thing things get better there’s always a
thing things get better there’s always a way to make things better you don’t have
way to make things better you don’t have
way to make things better you don’t have to live in that dark place forever you
to live in that dark place forever you
to live in that dark place forever you can reach out to people around you who
can reach out to people around you who
can reach out to people around you who love you and care about you and want to
love you and care about you and want to
love you and care about you and want to see you succeed build up a support
see you succeed build up a support
see you succeed build up a support system be honest with your family with
system be honest with your family with
system be honest with your family with your friends with your loved ones find
your friends with your loved ones find
your friends with your loved ones find somebody you can confide in and open up
somebody you can confide in and open up
somebody you can confide in and open up to them and if you are one of those
to them and if you are one of those
to them and if you are one of those people if somebody that you love comes
people if somebody that you love comes
people if somebody that you love comes to you and tells you that they suffer
to you and tells you that they suffer
to you and tells you that they suffer from something like depression you can’t
from something like depression you can’t
from something like depression you can’t cast them aside you have to be able to
cast them aside you have to be able to
cast them aside you have to be able to open up to that aspect of their lives
open up to that aspect of their lives
open up to that aspect of their lives believe me they don’t want to make your
believe me they don’t want to make your
believe me they don’t want to make your life hard their life is hard to know for
life hard their life is hard to know for
life hard their life is hard to know for a person with depression they don’t need
a person with depression they don’t need
a person with depression they don’t need to feel guilty about making their family
to feel guilty about making their family
to feel guilty about making their family and friends feel bad as well but in my
and friends feel bad as well but in my
and friends feel bad as well but in my little group of friends my squad my
little group of friends my squad my
little group of friends my squad my posse of depressed people the number one
posse of depressed people the number one
posse of depressed people the number one thing that we always want people to know
thing that we always want people to know
thing that we always want people to know about us is that we do need the help and
about us is that we do need the help and
about us is that we do need the help and we wouldn’t be reaching out if we didn’t
we wouldn’t be reaching out if we didn’t
we wouldn’t be reaching out if we didn’t I want to close with some words that one
I want to close with some words that one
I want to close with some words that one of my fellow speakers told me to inspire
of my fellow speakers told me to inspire
of my fellow speakers told me to inspire me before I got up on the stage
me before I got up on the stage
me before I got up on the stage a happiness shared is a happiness
a happiness shared is a happiness
a happiness shared is a happiness doubled and a sadness
doubled and a sadness
doubled and a sadness shared is a sadness halved I’ve been
shared is a sadness halved I’ve been
shared is a sadness halved I’ve been Hannah flesh candy thank you so much for
Hannah flesh candy thank you so much for
Hannah flesh candy thank you so much for listening have an amazing night you guys
listening have an amazing night you guys
listening have an amazing night you guys [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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