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The Social Media Supermom | Suzanne Solsona | TEDxGastownWomen


I’m here to share with you today how I

I’m here to share with you today how I found out that I am actually a superhero

found out that I am actually a superhero

found out that I am actually a superhero I know right I was surprised too I mean

I know right I was surprised too I mean

I know right I was surprised too I mean it’s not like I can leap tall buildings

it’s not like I can leap tall buildings

it’s not like I can leap tall buildings at a single down like Superman but I am

at a single down like Superman but I am

at a single down like Superman but I am a super mom and I believe that there’s a

a super mom and I believe that there’s a

a super mom and I believe that there’s a lot more super moms out there they just

lot more super moms out there they just

lot more super moms out there they just haven’t found their super powers yet but

haven’t found their super powers yet but

haven’t found their super powers yet but all superheroes have a backstory I love

all superheroes have a backstory I love

all superheroes have a backstory I love baking so when I had kids I couldn’t

baking so when I had kids I couldn’t

baking so when I had kids I couldn’t wait to teach them how to whip up sweet

wait to teach them how to whip up sweet

wait to teach them how to whip up sweet treats in the kitchen now admittedly

treats in the kitchen now admittedly

treats in the kitchen now admittedly baking with my two sons can get a little

baking with my two sons can get a little

baking with my two sons can get a little bit chaotic and messy their attention

bit chaotic and messy their attention

bit chaotic and messy their attention spans or as short as their legs and they

spans or as short as their legs and they

spans or as short as their legs and they believe the sprinkles belong on

believe the sprinkles belong on

believe the sprinkles belong on everything last year we decided to make

everything last year we decided to make

everything last year we decided to make these cute little reindeer cookies off

these cute little reindeer cookies off

these cute little reindeer cookies off of Pinterest this is what are turning

you don’t have now the sad thing is I

you don’t have now the sad thing is I held a lot of pride and was elated with

held a lot of pride and was elated with

held a lot of pride and was elated with our homemade quirky looking cookies

our homemade quirky looking cookies

our homemade quirky looking cookies until I decided I needed to compare our

until I decided I needed to compare our

until I decided I needed to compare our cookies to the ones on social media

cookies to the ones on social media

cookies to the ones on social media where I decided they were mediocre at

where I decided they were mediocre at

where I decided they were mediocre at best to downright ugly Edwards an entire

best to downright ugly Edwards an entire

best to downright ugly Edwards an entire afternoons joy of baking with my two

afternoons joy of baking with my two

afternoons joy of baking with my two little boys was zapped by these photos

little boys was zapped by these photos

little boys was zapped by these photos on social media but it’s not just my

on social media but it’s not just my

on social media but it’s not just my cookies here is an example of the

cookies here is an example of the

cookies here is an example of the perfect family Christmas photo and

perfect family Christmas photo and

perfect family Christmas photo and here’s what happens when we take ours

yeah now it’s not i’m not alone I mean

yeah now it’s not i’m not alone I mean hasn’t anyone ever heard of hashtag

hasn’t anyone ever heard of hashtag

hasn’t anyone ever heard of hashtag pinterest fail now with all of this

pinterest fail now with all of this

pinterest fail now with all of this evidence of utter disaster before you

evidence of utter disaster before you

evidence of utter disaster before you you might be questioning my proposition

you might be questioning my proposition

you might be questioning my proposition that I am a supermom but I challenge you

that I am a supermom but I challenge you

that I am a supermom but I challenge you on this what is a supermom who is she

on this what is a supermom who is she

on this what is a supermom who is she anyways women have always worked outside

anyways women have always worked outside

anyways women have always worked outside the home but it wasn’t until World War

the home but it wasn’t until World War

the home but it wasn’t until World War two that we began entering workspace

two that we began entering workspace

two that we began entering workspace arenas that had been previously reserved

arenas that had been previously reserved

arenas that had been previously reserved just for men and in great numbers too

just for men and in great numbers too

just for men and in great numbers too now this trend increased in the 1970s

now this trend increased in the 1970s

now this trend increased in the 1970s whereupon this paragon of the supermom

whereupon this paragon of the supermom

whereupon this paragon of the supermom emerged she was a woman who could do it

emerged she was a woman who could do it

emerged she was a woman who could do it all and she would do it with a smile on

all and she would do it with a smile on

all and she would do it with a smile on her face she worked outside the home and

her face she worked outside the home and

her face she worked outside the home and when she was home she cooked she cleaned

when she was home she cooked she cleaned

when she was home she cooked she cleaned he arranged social calendars she made

he arranged social calendars she made

he arranged social calendars she made sure the entire family was well-fed and

sure the entire family was well-fed and

sure the entire family was well-fed and presentable she never left the house

presentable she never left the house

presentable she never left the house unless you look absolutely fabulous she

unless you look absolutely fabulous she

unless you look absolutely fabulous she worked really hard for her boss and she

worked really hard for her boss and she

worked really hard for her boss and she made her husband happy too now feminist

made her husband happy too now feminist

made her husband happy too now feminist said we could and should have it all so

said we could and should have it all so

said we could and should have it all so it’s no surprise that this ideal

it’s no surprise that this ideal

it’s no surprise that this ideal supermom was placed on a pedestal for

supermom was placed on a pedestal for

supermom was placed on a pedestal for all women to emulate and for little

all women to emulate and for little

all women to emulate and for little girls to strive toward I am a child of

girls to strive toward I am a child of

girls to strive toward I am a child of the 70s oh the supermom ideal was firmly

the 70s oh the supermom ideal was firmly

the 70s oh the supermom ideal was firmly entrenched in my psyche one day I would

entrenched in my psyche one day I would

entrenched in my psyche one day I would grow up to have it all and I would be

grow up to have it all and I would be

grow up to have it all and I would be great in 2016 it seems almost trying to

great in 2016 it seems almost trying to

great in 2016 it seems almost trying to say that women are a force we have

say that women are a force we have

say that women are a force we have degrees were high achieving we work in

degrees were high achieving we work in

degrees were high achieving we work in many perfections alongside men often in

many perfections alongside men often in

many perfections alongside men often in equal numbers because of all of the hard

equal numbers because of all of the hard

equal numbers because of all of the hard work of feminist before us we have more

work of feminist before us we have more

work of feminist before us we have more options in and outside of the home than

options in and outside of the home than

options in and outside of the home than ever before so why is it that so many

ever before so why is it that so many

ever before so why is it that so many women feel dare I say it inadequate

women feel dare I say it inadequate

women feel dare I say it inadequate I’m a former lawyer turned entrepreneur

I’m a former lawyer turned entrepreneur

I’m a former lawyer turned entrepreneur and a full-time stay-at-home mom to two

and a full-time stay-at-home mom to two

and a full-time stay-at-home mom to two little boys despite my two degrees and

little boys despite my two degrees and

little boys despite my two degrees and accomplishments I often feel inadequate

accomplishments I often feel inadequate

accomplishments I often feel inadequate and I’m not alone I’ve talked to many

and I’m not alone I’ve talked to many

and I’m not alone I’ve talked to many women from all walks of life and more

women from all walks of life and more

women from all walks of life and more often than not my sentiments are echoed

often than not my sentiments are echoed

often than not my sentiments are echoed in our conversations we feel this

in our conversations we feel this

in our conversations we feel this intense pressure to be everything to

intense pressure to be everything to

intense pressure to be everything to everyone at all times and when we’re not

everyone at all times and when we’re not

everyone at all times and when we’re not we feel guilty why is this now the risk

we feel guilty why is this now the risk

we feel guilty why is this now the risk of biting off more than I can chew do

of biting off more than I can chew do

of biting off more than I can chew do you remember those keep little reindeer

you remember those keep little reindeer

you remember those keep little reindeer cookies I think that my feelings of

cookies I think that my feelings of

cookies I think that my feelings of insecurity and failure surrounding those

insecurity and failure surrounding those

insecurity and failure surrounding those cookies are symptomatic of a of a

cookies are symptomatic of a of a

cookies are symptomatic of a of a pervasive and deeper problem in our

pervasive and deeper problem in our

pervasive and deeper problem in our society one that suppresses our

society one that suppresses our

society one that suppresses our superpowers in an age where photos of a

superpowers in an age where photos of a

superpowers in an age where photos of a new mom pumping breast milk as she runs

new mom pumping breast milk as she runs

new mom pumping breast milk as she runs a half marathon are splashed all over

a half marathon are splashed all over

a half marathon are splashed all over Facebook and Pinterest screams at us how

Facebook and Pinterest screams at us how

Facebook and Pinterest screams at us how to plan and execute the perfect cocktail

to plan and execute the perfect cocktail

to plan and execute the perfect cocktail or six year old birthday party what is a

or six year old birthday party what is a

or six year old birthday party what is a woman to do social media has raised the

woman to do social media has raised the

woman to do social media has raised the bar for the wannabe super mom even

bar for the wannabe super mom even

bar for the wannabe super mom even higher this tendency to compare

higher this tendency to compare

higher this tendency to compare ourselves to the publicly reported

ourselves to the publicly reported

ourselves to the publicly reported experiences of everyone we’ve ever had

experiences of everyone we’ve ever had

experiences of everyone we’ve ever had occasion to meet is ruinous to the self

occasion to meet is ruinous to the self

occasion to meet is ruinous to the self to our self-esteem and really zaps all

to our self-esteem and really zaps all

to our self-esteem and really zaps all joy out of life now I understand you

joy out of life now I understand you

joy out of life now I understand you with social media and the internet a

with social media and the internet a

with social media and the internet a very common and regular part of our

very common and regular part of our

very common and regular part of our daily lives it’s easy to lapse into this

daily lives it’s easy to lapse into this

daily lives it’s easy to lapse into this habit of comparing ourselves to

habit of comparing ourselves to

habit of comparing ourselves to literally the world it’s no longer not

literally the world it’s no longer not

literally the world it’s no longer not to keep up with the Joneses down the

to keep up with the Joneses down the

to keep up with the Joneses down the street we also have to

street we also have to

street we also have to with Sally from high school and everyone

with Sally from high school and everyone

with Sally from high school and everyone else we’ve ever accepted into our circle

else we’ve ever accepted into our circle

else we’ve ever accepted into our circle of friends what were once messy joyful

of friends what were once messy joyful

of friends what were once messy joyful unique life experiences are now but now

unique life experiences are now but now

unique life experiences are now but now try that a million times over and done

try that a million times over and done

try that a million times over and done better by someone else and we have

better by someone else and we have

better by someone else and we have pinterest facebook instagram or some

pinterest facebook instagram or some

pinterest facebook instagram or some other social media platform to prove it

other social media platform to prove it

other social media platform to prove it to us and if we do feel a sense of joy

to us and if we do feel a sense of joy

to us and if we do feel a sense of joy or accomplishment there seems to be this

or accomplishment there seems to be this

or accomplishment there seems to be this compulsion to snap a smartphone photo

compulsion to snap a smartphone photo

compulsion to snap a smartphone photo slap some sort of filter on it can call

slap some sort of filter on it can call

slap some sort of filter on it can call the perfect pithy post and share it with

the perfect pithy post and share it with

the perfect pithy post and share it with everyone and moreover if we don’t get

everyone and moreover if we don’t get

everyone and moreover if we don’t get that outward validation immediately

that outward validation immediately

that outward validation immediately bestowed upon us like like like like

bestowed upon us like like like like

bestowed upon us like like like like like and somehow the events must have

like and somehow the events must have

like and somehow the events must have been a failure and the memory becomes

been a failure and the memory becomes

been a failure and the memory becomes virtually meaningless julie spira who

virtually meaningless julie spira who

virtually meaningless julie spira who has written a lot about online etiquette

has written a lot about online etiquette

has written a lot about online etiquette has coined a new phrase for this social

has coined a new phrase for this social

has coined a new phrase for this social media anxiety disorder now although it’s

media anxiety disorder now although it’s

media anxiety disorder now although it’s not currently considered a medical

not currently considered a medical

not currently considered a medical condition I think we can imagine how one

condition I think we can imagine how one

condition I think we can imagine how one day it might be accepted is one

day it might be accepted is one

day it might be accepted is one especially when we think of the fact

especially when we think of the fact

especially when we think of the fact that in a survey of 7,000 mothers across

that in a survey of 7,000 mothers across

that in a survey of 7,000 mothers across the United States forty-two percent of

the United States forty-two percent of

the United States forty-two percent of respondents forty-two percent indicated

respondents forty-two percent indicated

respondents forty-two percent indicated that Pinterest causes them anxiety see

that Pinterest causes them anxiety see

that Pinterest causes them anxiety see it’s not just me of my cookies social

it’s not just me of my cookies social

it’s not just me of my cookies social media platforms allow us to share our

media platforms allow us to share our

media platforms allow us to share our lives Oh instantly and widely and that

lives Oh instantly and widely and that

lives Oh instantly and widely and that can be a good thing but it seems to me

can be a good thing but it seems to me

can be a good thing but it seems to me that they’ve evolved into this way to

that they’ve evolved into this way to

that they’ve evolved into this way to share sugar-coated fantastical versions

share sugar-coated fantastical versions

share sugar-coated fantastical versions of our lives no one is sharing their

of our lives no one is sharing their

of our lives no one is sharing their whole story they’re fake a facade

whole story they’re fake a facade

whole story they’re fake a facade revisionist history

revisionist history

revisionist history a fascinating thing to me is that I

a fascinating thing to me is that I

a fascinating thing to me is that I think we all suspect that this is the

think we all suspect that this is the

think we all suspect that this is the this is the case and yet we still feel

this is the case and yet we still feel

this is the case and yet we still feel this need to live up to some social

this need to live up to some social

this need to live up to some social media ideal to know what reality is my

media ideal to know what reality is my

media ideal to know what reality is my house looks like a Lego Beast vomited

house looks like a Lego Beast vomited

house looks like a Lego Beast vomited everywhere my boys need a bath and cilla

everywhere my boys need a bath and cilla

everywhere my boys need a bath and cilla why and last night we had white pasta

why and last night we had white pasta

why and last night we had white pasta with butter and cheese a game for the

with butter and cheese a game for the

with butter and cheese a game for the 10th time this one because you know what

10th time this one because you know what

10th time this one because you know what I am exhausted and I’m tired of having a

I am exhausted and I’m tired of having a

I am exhausted and I’m tired of having a please eat your vegetables argument but

please eat your vegetables argument but

please eat your vegetables argument but I would never share this on social media

I would never share this on social media

I would never share this on social media I fear being judged I wouldn’t be living

I fear being judged I wouldn’t be living

I fear being judged I wouldn’t be living up to those images of smiling

up to those images of smiling

up to those images of smiling vacationing families who go on long

vacationing families who go on long

vacationing families who go on long hikes with their kids without tears or

hikes with their kids without tears or

hikes with their kids without tears or temper tantrums no I can’t share this

temper tantrums no I can’t share this

temper tantrums no I can’t share this because I’m a supermom remember I got

because I’m a supermom remember I got

because I’m a supermom remember I got this it seems to me that this constant

this it seems to me that this constant

this it seems to me that this constant comparison with others online is like

comparison with others online is like

comparison with others online is like death by a thousand cuts these fleeting

death by a thousand cuts these fleeting

death by a thousand cuts these fleeting online interactions are eating at our

online interactions are eating at our

online interactions are eating at our sense of self-worth and they really dig

sense of self-worth and they really dig

sense of self-worth and they really dig at the heart it is said that it takes a

at the heart it is said that it takes a

at the heart it is said that it takes a village to raise a child well I don’t

village to raise a child well I don’t

village to raise a child well I don’t think that social media platforms the

think that social media platforms the

think that social media platforms the way they are now are actually the

way they are now are actually the

way they are now are actually the meeting space that we super bugs me but

meeting space that we super bugs me but

meeting space that we super bugs me but fear not there is still hope because oh

fear not there is still hope because oh

fear not there is still hope because oh yeah there you go we all are superheroes

yeah there you go we all are superheroes

yeah there you go we all are superheroes and we all have superpowers and among

and we all have superpowers and among

and we all have superpowers and among them we have the powers of discernment

them we have the powers of discernment

them we have the powers of discernment and the power of choice we can choose to

and the power of choice we can choose to

and the power of choice we can choose to use social media and the internet for

use social media and the internet for

use social media and the internet for good not for evil we can choose to

good not for evil we can choose to

good not for evil we can choose to reject some outward idealized notion of

reject some outward idealized notion of

reject some outward idealized notion of womanhood motherhood personhood

womanhood motherhood personhood

womanhood motherhood personhood we can break the habit of the constant

we can break the habit of the constant

we can break the habit of the constant comparisons with people online we can

comparisons with people online we can

comparisons with people online we can choose to recreate offline community and

choose to recreate offline community and

choose to recreate offline community and support one another and we can ensure at

support one another and we can ensure at

support one another and we can ensure at social media anxiety disorder does not

social media anxiety disorder does not

social media anxiety disorder does not become a next medicated psychological

become a next medicated psychological

become a next medicated psychological disease now I said at the outset that I

disease now I said at the outset that I

disease now I said at the outset that I would share with you how i found out

would share with you how i found out

would share with you how i found out that I’m a supermom so here goes I’m a

that I’m a supermom so here goes I’m a

that I’m a supermom so here goes I’m a little bit of a perfectionist and in

little bit of a perfectionist and in

little bit of a perfectionist and in many ways in my life this has not been a

many ways in my life this has not been a

many ways in my life this has not been a really healthy thing so I would make a

really healthy thing so I would make a

really healthy thing so I would make a very conscious effort with my two boys

very conscious effort with my two boys

very conscious effort with my two boys to instill point in them the knowledge

to instill point in them the knowledge

to instill point in them the knowledge and believe that perfection does not

and believe that perfection does not

and believe that perfection does not exist one night not long ago as I was

exist one night not long ago as I was

exist one night not long ago as I was putting my son’s to bed I was revisiting

putting my son’s to bed I was revisiting

putting my son’s to bed I was revisiting the day with my older son and we agreed

the day with my older son and we agreed

the day with my older son and we agreed that his behavior had not been stellar I

that his behavior had not been stellar I

that his behavior had not been stellar I said to him look I don’t expect you to

said to him look I don’t expect you to

said to him look I don’t expect you to be perfect I just ask that you do your

be perfect I just ask that you do your

be perfect I just ask that you do your best I’m not perfect I can admit that

best I’m not perfect I can admit that

best I’m not perfect I can admit that and he said to me whoa mama you’re

and he said to me whoa mama you’re

and he said to me whoa mama you’re perfect in one way being a little afraid

perfect in one way being a little afraid

perfect in one way being a little afraid what might pop out of his mouth I said

what might pop out of his mouth I said

what might pop out of his mouth I said how’s that your love for me is perfect

it’s in moments like these that I do

it’s in moments like these that I do believe I’m a supermom my life may not

believe I’m a supermom my life may not

believe I’m a supermom my life may not be Pinterest or Facebook perfect perfect

be Pinterest or Facebook perfect perfect

be Pinterest or Facebook perfect perfect but I’m a hero to at least one little

but I’m a hero to at least one little

but I’m a hero to at least one little boy and his younger brother if beauty is

boy and his younger brother if beauty is

boy and his younger brother if beauty is in the eye of the beholder then perhaps

in the eye of the beholder then perhaps

in the eye of the beholder then perhaps we should all start looking at ourselves

we should all start looking at ourselves

we should all start looking at ourselves the eyes of our children and our loved

the eyes of our children and our loved

the eyes of our children and our loved ones rather than these distorted aah

ones rather than these distorted aah

ones rather than these distorted aah goals of social media I think it’s time

goals of social media I think it’s time

goals of social media I think it’s time I made myself on you okay

I made myself on you okay

I made myself on you okay I betcha pinterest has the perfect

I betcha pinterest has the perfect

I betcha pinterest has the perfect patter

”

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