you remember that experience in the movie theater where the actress has so
movie theater where the actress has so
movie theater where the actress has so overcome by emotions that are that her
overcome by emotions that are that her
overcome by emotions that are that her knees buckle and she falls dramatically
knees buckle and she falls dramatically
knees buckle and she falls dramatically to the floor if you’re anything like me
to the floor if you’re anything like me
to the floor if you’re anything like me you probably thought that’s just
you probably thought that’s just
you probably thought that’s just Hollywood right and then it happened it
Hollywood right and then it happened it
Hollywood right and then it happened it was February 4 2015 the one-year
was February 4 2015 the one-year
was February 4 2015 the one-year anniversary of the death of my nephew
anniversary of the death of my nephew
anniversary of the death of my nephew CJ at the age of 19 he died in a tragic
CJ at the age of 19 he died in a tragic
CJ at the age of 19 he died in a tragic car crash I was in Lewes Delaware
car crash I was in Lewes Delaware
car crash I was in Lewes Delaware walking on the beach there wasn’t anyone
walking on the beach there wasn’t anyone
walking on the beach there wasn’t anyone else around it was it was February it
else around it was it was February it
else around it was it was February it was freezing
was freezing
was freezing I picked Lewis to commemorate his
I picked Lewis to commemorate his
I picked Lewis to commemorate his beautiful spirit because that’s where I
beautiful spirit because that’s where I
beautiful spirit because that’s where I saw him the happiest and the most the
saw him the happiest and the most the
saw him the happiest and the most the most like himself that was six years
most like himself that was six years
most like himself that was six years before he was 13 at the time having the
before he was 13 at the time having the
before he was 13 at the time having the time of his life at my wedding huh I
time of his life at my wedding huh I
time of his life at my wedding huh I remember watching him insist insist on
remember watching him insist insist on
remember watching him insist insist on hugging every one of our guests he
hugging every one of our guests he
hugging every one of our guests he jumped between rocks looking for crabs
jumped between rocks looking for crabs
jumped between rocks looking for crabs he was free and happy there it was the
he was free and happy there it was the
he was free and happy there it was the perfect place to honor the joy he
perfect place to honor the joy he
perfect place to honor the joy he brought to my life as I walked along the
brought to my life as I walked along the
brought to my life as I walked along the shoreline I alone
shoreline I alone
shoreline I alone I dropped a few tears as I talked to him
I dropped a few tears as I talked to him
I dropped a few tears as I talked to him nothing big you know just a few tears as
nothing big you know just a few tears as
nothing big you know just a few tears as I as I recalled some of the memories and
I as I recalled some of the memories and
I as I recalled some of the memories and and told him how special he will always
and told him how special he will always
and told him how special he will always be those of you have experienced loss I
be those of you have experienced loss I
be those of you have experienced loss I just know you can relate so I walked
just know you can relate so I walked
just know you can relate so I walked along a shoreline a couple miles or so I
along a shoreline a couple miles or so I
along a shoreline a couple miles or so I turned on to walk back and I got this
turned on to walk back and I got this
turned on to walk back and I got this text message for my sister but with a
text message for my sister but with a
text message for my sister but with a few photos taken from the side of the
few photos taken from the side of the
few photos taken from the side of the accident they had just released the most
accident they had just released the most
accident they had just released the most beautiful bouquet of balloons black and
beautiful bouquet of balloons black and
beautiful bouquet of balloons black and young Green has two favorite colors the
young Green has two favorite colors the
young Green has two favorite colors the pictures were stunning they pulled me
pictures were stunning they pulled me
pictures were stunning they pulled me right into the moment and made us
right into the moment and made us
right into the moment and made us forever absence that much more real just
forever absence that much more real just
forever absence that much more real just like in Hollywood my knees buckled as I
like in Hollywood my knees buckled as I
like in Hollywood my knees buckled as I fell to the stage
fell to the stage
fell to the stage and cried my eyes out I didn’t know
and cried my eyes out I didn’t know
and cried my eyes out I didn’t know emotional pain could be so physical my
emotional pain could be so physical my
emotional pain could be so physical my heart felt like it was exploding waves
heart felt like it was exploding waves
heart felt like it was exploding waves of explosion as a as a pain grew in
of explosion as a as a pain grew in
of explosion as a as a pain grew in intensity I I didn’t know what to do do
intensity I I didn’t know what to do do
intensity I I didn’t know what to do do i fidget with my phone do I cry louder
i fidget with my phone do I cry louder
i fidget with my phone do I cry louder [Music]
[Music]
[Music] one thing’s for sure the last thing I
one thing’s for sure the last thing I
one thing’s for sure the last thing I wanted to do was to feel it and yet
wanted to do was to feel it and yet
wanted to do was to feel it and yet somehow I knew I needed to stay in that
somehow I knew I needed to stay in that
somehow I knew I needed to stay in that moment and let the waves of pain have
moment and let the waves of pain have
moment and let the waves of pain have their way with me until they were done
their way with me until they were done
their way with me until they were done and my strength returned actually not on
and my strength returned actually not on
and my strength returned actually not on like Hollywood I walked to it from that
like Hollywood I walked to it from that
like Hollywood I walked to it from that experience stronger
experience stronger
experience stronger there was a faith in a hope that came
there was a faith in a hope that came
there was a faith in a hope that came from the depths of that experience
from the depths of that experience
from the depths of that experience anyone who’s ever lost anyone or
anyone who’s ever lost anyone or
anyone who’s ever lost anyone or anything of significance knows this pain
anything of significance knows this pain
anything of significance knows this pain exhausted maybe but somehow lighter much
exhausted maybe but somehow lighter much
exhausted maybe but somehow lighter much lighter free actually might be a better
lighter free actually might be a better
lighter free actually might be a better word a completeness I didn’t understand
word a completeness I didn’t understand
word a completeness I didn’t understand in the moment and I’m still coming to
in the moment and I’m still coming to
in the moment and I’m still coming to grips with today after that experience
grips with today after that experience
grips with today after that experience the waves and the grief just to stay
the waves and the grief just to stay
the waves and the grief just to stay present in that moment and let’s let the
present in that moment and let’s let the
present in that moment and let’s let the freedom come see most of us don’t
freedom come see most of us don’t
freedom come see most of us don’t understand how to process the pain that
understand how to process the pain that
understand how to process the pain that we feel the waves may come over us and
we feel the waves may come over us and
we feel the waves may come over us and they may they may take ahold of us and
they may they may take ahold of us and
they may they may take ahold of us and we don’t know how to move forward from
we don’t know how to move forward from
we don’t know how to move forward from that moment there was a there was a in
that moment there was a there was a in
that moment there was a there was a in that moment that faith in that hope that
that moment that faith in that hope that
that moment that faith in that hope that came and the waves that came there was a
came and the waves that came there was a
came and the waves that came there was a this distrust man there was just a few
this distrust man there was just a few
this distrust man there was just a few just a few days after I came back from
just a few days after I came back from
just a few days after I came back from Lewis there’s I was chatting with the a
Lewis there’s I was chatting with the a
Lewis there’s I was chatting with the a client of mine and just as we wrapped up
client of mine and just as we wrapped up
client of mine and just as we wrapped up a coaching session I shared a little bit
a coaching session I shared a little bit
a coaching session I shared a little bit of
of
of this experience and as I started to
this experience and as I started to
this experience and as I started to share her eyes began to well and then
share her eyes began to well and then
share her eyes began to well and then the biggest flood of tears began rushing
the biggest flood of tears began rushing
the biggest flood of tears began rushing down her face as she as she started to
down her face as she as she started to
down her face as she as she started to share about the the death of her 16 year
share about the the death of her 16 year
share about the the death of her 16 year old son 16 years before in a drunk
old son 16 years before in a drunk
old son 16 years before in a drunk driving accident he he was a drunk
driving accident he he was a drunk
driving accident he he was a drunk driver after 16 long years she’s still
driver after 16 long years she’s still
driver after 16 long years she’s still not allowed herself permission to
not allowed herself permission to
not allowed herself permission to process the pain no wonder her health
process the pain no wonder her health
process the pain no wonder her health her relationship her relationship with
her relationship her relationship with
her relationship her relationship with her other two children were suffering so
her other two children were suffering so
her other two children were suffering so greatly as she she turned to alcohol to
greatly as she she turned to alcohol to
greatly as she she turned to alcohol to avoid the tsunami of pain pretending to
avoid the tsunami of pain pretending to
avoid the tsunami of pain pretending to be okay in that moment time froze the
be okay in that moment time froze the
be okay in that moment time froze the bustling city fell silent as she gave
bustling city fell silent as she gave
bustling city fell silent as she gave herself permission to release and
herself permission to release and
herself permission to release and reclaim her life you see as we do the
reclaim her life you see as we do the
reclaim her life you see as we do the courage to face the Sun the shadows fall
courage to face the Sun the shadows fall
courage to face the Sun the shadows fall behind us as we face our harsh reality
behind us as we face our harsh reality
behind us as we face our harsh reality the truth the illusions they lose their
the truth the illusions they lose their
the truth the illusions they lose their strength and we get our power back as we
strength and we get our power back as we
strength and we get our power back as we face the Sun the shadows they fall
face the Sun the shadows they fall
face the Sun the shadows they fall behind us having sat with grief I knew
behind us having sat with grief I knew
behind us having sat with grief I knew it would pass and there be an opening if
it would pass and there be an opening if
it would pass and there be an opening if she’d be free to live and to love and
she’d be free to live and to love and
she’d be free to live and to love and I’m so happy to share with you
I’m so happy to share with you
I’m so happy to share with you she is well on her way today having sat
she is well on her way today having sat
she is well on her way today having sat with grief
see the problem with grief sadness anger
see the problem with grief sadness anger even rage is that we don’t know how to
even rage is that we don’t know how to
even rage is that we don’t know how to use them instead they often use us I’m
use them instead they often use us I’m
use them instead they often use us I’m willing to bet my right arm that
willing to bet my right arm that
willing to bet my right arm that throughout grades K through 12 not a
throughout grades K through 12 not a
throughout grades K through 12 not a single person in this room ever took a
single person in this room ever took a
single person in this room ever took a course on how to process pain it’s not
course on how to process pain it’s not
course on how to process pain it’s not your fault of course it doesn’t exist we
your fault of course it doesn’t exist we
your fault of course it doesn’t exist we don’t teach it but why we’re a thousand
don’t teach it but why we’re a thousand
don’t teach it but why we’re a thousand times more likely to accept
times more likely to accept
times more likely to accept it’s emotional pain than we are say a
it’s emotional pain than we are say a
it’s emotional pain than we are say a problem we’d use calculus or algebra to
problem we’d use calculus or algebra to
problem we’d use calculus or algebra to solve today I’m gonna share with you how
solve today I’m gonna share with you how
solve today I’m gonna share with you how to process pain your weight it’s over
to process pain your weight it’s over
to process pain your weight it’s over I dare say I want to share with you how
I dare say I want to share with you how
I dare say I want to share with you how you personally can profit from pain see
you personally can profit from pain see
you personally can profit from pain see most people treat pain like a burning
most people treat pain like a burning
most people treat pain like a burning building they run away as fast as they
building they run away as fast as they
building they run away as fast as they can today I want to encourage you to do
can today I want to encourage you to do
can today I want to encourage you to do the opposite to run toward your pain
the opposite to run toward your pain
the opposite to run toward your pain like a firefighter run toward your
like a firefighter run toward your
like a firefighter run toward your burning buildings and become your own
burning buildings and become your own
burning buildings and become your own hero think back to a time when you
hero think back to a time when you
hero think back to a time when you experienced pain something big something
experienced pain something big something
experienced pain something big something small death divorce the person who cut
small death divorce the person who cut
small death divorce the person who cut in front of you in the short line at the
in front of you in the short line at the
in front of you in the short line at the grocery store with the full cart okay
grocery store with the full cart okay
grocery store with the full cart okay under your breath whisper yes if you
under your breath whisper yes if you
under your breath whisper yes if you could identify with any of these you
could identify with any of these you
could identify with any of these you thought this pain is bad you pretend to
thought this pain is bad you pretend to
thought this pain is bad you pretend to the pain didn’t exist you suffered in
the pain didn’t exist you suffered in
the pain didn’t exist you suffered in silence feeling the weight of the world
silence feeling the weight of the world
silence feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders the good news is is
on your shoulders the good news is is
on your shoulders the good news is is you’re not alone I recently witnessed a
you’re not alone I recently witnessed a
you’re not alone I recently witnessed a woman Sarah fight for eight solid months
woman Sarah fight for eight solid months
woman Sarah fight for eight solid months to get custody of her two nieces this
to get custody of her two nieces this
to get custody of her two nieces this after finding out some pretty awful
after finding out some pretty awful
after finding out some pretty awful things have been happening to them at
things have been happening to them at
things have been happening to them at home the girls they were 15 and 16 they
home the girls they were 15 and 16 they
home the girls they were 15 and 16 they they came into her home with plenty of
they came into her home with plenty of
they came into her home with plenty of emotional pain and and the small hope
emotional pain and and the small hope
emotional pain and and the small hope things would get better I at one point
things would get better I at one point
things would get better I at one point Sarah was encouraged to get some help in
Sarah was encouraged to get some help in
Sarah was encouraged to get some help in dealing with the difficulty in the
dealing with the difficulty in the
dealing with the difficulty in the situation my dad is an engineer I am an
situation my dad is an engineer I am an
situation my dad is an engineer I am an accountant we don’t do emotions you’re
accountant we don’t do emotions you’re
accountant we don’t do emotions you’re still human aren’t you you know it
still human aren’t you you know it
still human aren’t you you know it wasn’t surprising that just a few just a
wasn’t surprising that just a few just a
wasn’t surprising that just a few just a few months later she realized that
few months later she realized that
few months later she realized that simply putting the girls in a different
simply putting the girls in a different
simply putting the girls in a different environment wasn’t enough she was in
environment wasn’t enough she was in
environment wasn’t enough she was in over her head and so she sent them away
over her head and so she sent them away
over her head and so she sent them away refused
refused
refused used to say goodbye defriended them on
used to say goodbye defriended them on
used to say goodbye defriended them on Facebook
Facebook disconnected completely maybe then the
disconnected completely maybe then the
disconnected completely maybe then the pain would be gone as harsh as it may
pain would be gone as harsh as it may
pain would be gone as harsh as it may seem I bet you if we really thought
seem I bet you if we really thought
seem I bet you if we really thought about it looked in the mirror we would
about it looked in the mirror we would
about it looked in the mirror we would agree there are times we don’t do
agree there are times we don’t do
agree there are times we don’t do emotions spoiler alert
emotions spoiler alert
emotions spoiler alert avoiding pain doesn’t make it go away it
avoiding pain doesn’t make it go away it
avoiding pain doesn’t make it go away it just eats us from the inside out now
just eats us from the inside out now
just eats us from the inside out now fortunately pain it teaches us what
fortunately pain it teaches us what
fortunately pain it teaches us what pride won’t let us learn much the same
pride won’t let us learn much the same
pride won’t let us learn much the same as hurricanes tornadoes torrential
as hurricanes tornadoes torrential
as hurricanes tornadoes torrential downpours the uproot and display
downpours the uproot and display
downpours the uproot and display sometimes even shatter everything did
sometimes even shatter everything did
sometimes even shatter everything did you know that in the United States
you know that in the United States
you know that in the United States suicide outnumbers homicide by double
suicide outnumbers homicide by double
suicide outnumbers homicide by double even more of us are masking our
even more of us are masking our
even more of us are masking our emotional pain with addictions of all
emotional pain with addictions of all
emotional pain with addictions of all sorts here’s an idea I want you to
sorts here’s an idea I want you to
sorts here’s an idea I want you to embrace treat your emotional pain the
embrace treat your emotional pain the
embrace treat your emotional pain the same way you do your physical pain with
same way you do your physical pain with
same way you do your physical pain with urgency see we can’t quite ignore a
urgency see we can’t quite ignore a
urgency see we can’t quite ignore a toothache a headache a heart attack we
toothache a headache a heart attack we
toothache a headache a heart attack we deal with these immediately I imagine
deal with these immediately I imagine
deal with these immediately I imagine you might be thinking this all sounds
you might be thinking this all sounds
you might be thinking this all sounds good heck it may even feel good but how
good heck it may even feel good but how
good heck it may even feel good but how how do I turn toward my pain man I am so
how do I turn toward my pain man I am so
how do I turn toward my pain man I am so glad you asked there is a four-part
glad you asked there is a four-part
glad you asked there is a four-part process I’ve uncovered as I have run
process I’ve uncovered as I have run
process I’ve uncovered as I have run toward the burning buildings of my own
toward the burning buildings of my own
toward the burning buildings of my own life
life
life here it is acknowledge accept assess and
here it is acknowledge accept assess and
here it is acknowledge accept assess and then act acknowledge it’s happening the
then act acknowledge it’s happening the
then act acknowledge it’s happening the is real I’m angry I’m irritable I’m
is real I’m angry I’m irritable I’m
is real I’m angry I’m irritable I’m sad acknowledge the feeling accept not
sad acknowledge the feeling accept not
sad acknowledge the feeling accept not good not bad it’s it’s just a feeling a
good not bad it’s it’s just a feeling a
good not bad it’s it’s just a feeling a feeling by the way that has a really
feeling by the way that has a really
feeling by the way that has a really important job to do
important job to do
important job to do assess what what are my options
assess what what are my options
assess what what are my options do I shatter something into a million
do I shatter something into a million
do I shatter something into a million pieces do I go for a long walk do I call
pieces do I go for a long walk do I call
pieces do I go for a long walk do I call it and finally act take the action which
it and finally act take the action which
it and finally act take the action which is sometimes in action doing nothing
is sometimes in action doing nothing
is sometimes in action doing nothing might be your best option
might be your best option
might be your best option in order for this four-part process to
in order for this four-part process to
in order for this four-part process to work you need to slow down the pain turn
work you need to slow down the pain turn
work you need to slow down the pain turn toward it acknowledge it accept it
toward it acknowledge it accept it
toward it acknowledge it accept it assess your options and then take the
assess your options and then take the
assess your options and then take the action see nature has been serving as a
action see nature has been serving as a
action see nature has been serving as a catalyst for growth since the beginning
catalyst for growth since the beginning
catalyst for growth since the beginning of time it’s been it’s been teaching us
of time it’s been it’s been teaching us
of time it’s been it’s been teaching us to how to evolve if we if we just pay
to how to evolve if we if we just pay
to how to evolve if we if we just pay attention with that in mind I’d like to
attention with that in mind I’d like to
attention with that in mind I’d like to share with you one of my biggest all
share with you one of my biggest all
share with you one of my biggest all Haws as it pertains to pain it comes
Haws as it pertains to pain it comes
Haws as it pertains to pain it comes from Joel Salatin he’s the farmer a
from Joel Salatin he’s the farmer a
from Joel Salatin he’s the farmer a sustainable farmer who runs Polyface
sustainable farmer who runs Polyface
sustainable farmer who runs Polyface farms which is down in Shenandoah Valley
farms which is down in Shenandoah Valley
farms which is down in Shenandoah Valley about three hours south of here I’m out
about three hours south of here I’m out
about three hours south of here I’m out visiting his farm one day you guys it is
visiting his farm one day you guys it is
visiting his farm one day you guys it is beautiful lush green pastures and Joel’s
beautiful lush green pastures and Joel’s
beautiful lush green pastures and Joel’s explaining how he rotates his animals to
explaining how he rotates his animals to
explaining how he rotates his animals to ensure for the best possible ecosystem
ensure for the best possible ecosystem
ensure for the best possible ecosystem like for the animals for the land for
like for the animals for the land for
like for the animals for the land for for you and me he says first to bring
for you and me he says first to bring
for you and me he says first to bring the cows through they graze all they
the cows through they graze all they
the cows through they graze all they want and then the chickens and the
want and then the chickens and the
want and then the chickens and the turkeys they peck and stretch away right
turkeys they peck and stretch away right
turkeys they peck and stretch away right get their bugs he says by the time we
get their bugs he says by the time we
get their bugs he says by the time we get the last set of animals through
get the last set of animals through
get the last set of animals through you’ll barely be able to tell there was
you’ll barely be able to tell there was
you’ll barely be able to tell there was ever grass here that’s when his words
ever grass here that’s when his words
ever grass here that’s when his words hit me like a ton of bricks
hit me like a ton of bricks
hit me like a ton of bricks he said disruption is critical for
he said disruption is critical for
he said disruption is critical for growth as you turn towards your pain I
growth as you turn towards your pain I
growth as you turn towards your pain I challenge you to heed the words of
challenge you to heed the words of
challenge you to heed the words of farmer Joel Salatin let the disruptions
farmer Joel Salatin let the disruptions
farmer Joel Salatin let the disruptions of your life be a catalyst for your
of your life be a catalyst for your
of your life be a catalyst for your growth thank you
”
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