it’s been five years since 2012 when I hit rock bottom I was going
when I hit rock bottom I was going
when I hit rock bottom I was going through a lot of difficulties in my
through a lot of difficulties in my
through a lot of difficulties in my marriage and then I suffered the first
marriage and then I suffered the first
marriage and then I suffered the first episode of what would later be diagnosed
episode of what would later be diagnosed
episode of what would later be diagnosed as bipolar complex disorder at rock
as bipolar complex disorder at rock
as bipolar complex disorder at rock bottom I thought I was worthless yes
bottom I thought I was worthless yes
bottom I thought I was worthless yes it’s been five years and I am a
it’s been five years and I am a
it’s been five years and I am a different woman now a new creation
different woman now a new creation
different woman now a new creation through a lot of Bible reading and
through a lot of Bible reading and
through a lot of Bible reading and prayer I came to know that I am NOT
prayer I came to know that I am NOT
prayer I came to know that I am NOT worthless I am priceless
worthless I am priceless
worthless I am priceless and the question whether I am worthless
and the question whether I am worthless
and the question whether I am worthless or priceless depends on what I know
or priceless depends on what I know
or priceless depends on what I know about myself and not what others think
about myself and not what others think
about myself and not what others think of me I hold a PhD in being myself hello
of me I hold a PhD in being myself hello
of me I hold a PhD in being myself hello everyone I am here to talk to you about
everyone I am here to talk to you about
everyone I am here to talk to you about something very beautiful that I call the
something very beautiful that I call the
something very beautiful that I call the priceless mentality when I hit rock
priceless mentality when I hit rock
priceless mentality when I hit rock bottom I was struggling to manage
bottom I was struggling to manage
bottom I was struggling to manage damaging relationships damaging habits
damaging relationships damaging habits
damaging relationships damaging habits and the stereotypes that come with being
and the stereotypes that come with being
and the stereotypes that come with being a black African married career woman
a black African married career woman
a black African married career woman I have broken down what I am going to
I have broken down what I am going to
I have broken down what I am going to tell you into three stages in order to
tell you into three stages in order to
tell you into three stages in order to explain the process that I went through
explain the process that I went through
explain the process that I went through to save myself from myself the three
to save myself from myself the three
to save myself from myself the three stages are just four explanatory
stages are just four explanatory
stages are just four explanatory purposes they do not happen
purposes they do not happen
purposes they do not happen consecutively in fact you can take that
consecutively in fact you can take that
consecutively in fact you can take that they happen concurrently the first stage
they happen concurrently the first stage
they happen concurrently the first stage is equipping myself the second stage
is equipping myself the second stage
is equipping myself the second stage searching for myself and the third stage
searching for myself and the third stage
searching for myself and the third stage living as myself now let me take you
living as myself now let me take you
living as myself now let me take you back a little to give you a picture of
back a little to give you a picture of
back a little to give you a picture of where I started off now I loved my
where I started off now I loved my
where I started off now I loved my mother dearly and I was very protective
mother dearly and I was very protective
mother dearly and I was very protective of her but when I was an infant my
of her but when I was an infant my
of her but when I was an infant my father separated me and my two brothers
father separated me and my two brothers
father separated me and my two brothers from our mother and shut her out of our
from our mother and shut her out of our
from our mother and shut her out of our lives completely and then my mother
lives completely and then my mother
lives completely and then my mother suffered severe mental illness and lived
suffered severe mental illness and lived
suffered severe mental illness and lived in destitution for as long as I was
in destitution for as long as I was
in destitution for as long as I was growing up so man when I was diagnosed
growing up so man when I was diagnosed
growing up so man when I was diagnosed with a mental condition I was terrified
with a mental condition I was terrified
with a mental condition I was terrified I thought my life would take the same
I thought my life would take the same
I thought my life would take the same turn as my mother’s when I suffered that
turn as my mother’s when I suffered that
turn as my mother’s when I suffered that first episode I found myself in a
first episode I found myself in a
first episode I found myself in a hospital
hospital
hospital shouting at the doctors and other
shouting at the doctors and other
shouting at the doctors and other patients telling them about my husband’s
patients telling them about my husband’s
patients telling them about my husband’s infidelity and asking them to tell that
infidelity and asking them to tell that
infidelity and asking them to tell that man to say sorry for what he had done to
man to say sorry for what he had done to
man to say sorry for what he had done to me the response I got was that I was
me the response I got was that I was
me the response I got was that I was tranquilized the next morning when I
tranquilized the next morning when I
tranquilized the next morning when I woke up the first person for me to see
woke up the first person for me to see
woke up the first person for me to see was the same psychiatrist I had hired to
was the same psychiatrist I had hired to
was the same psychiatrist I had hired to treat my mother sitting there coming to
treat my mother sitting there coming to
treat my mother sitting there coming to treat me that was an aha moment for me
treat me that was an aha moment for me
treat me that was an aha moment for me but I am very thankful for the example
but I am very thankful for the example
but I am very thankful for the example my mother set for me oh my god I was not
my mother set for me oh my god I was not
my mother set for me oh my god I was not going to give up and I was not going to
going to give up and I was not going to
going to give up and I was not going to give in I was going to fight to make
give in I was going to fight to make
give in I was going to fight to make sure that my family history did not
sure that my family history did not
sure that my family history did not repeat itself I told myself the same
repeat itself I told myself the same
repeat itself I told myself the same power that I had used to create this
power that I had used to create this
power that I had used to create this hellhole that I now was in is the very
hellhole that I now was in is the very
hellhole that I now was in is the very same power that I will use to destroy
same power that I will use to destroy
same power that I will use to destroy this hellhole and build for myself sane
this hellhole and build for myself sane
this hellhole and build for myself sane heaven I’m also thankful for all the
heaven I’m also thankful for all the
heaven I’m also thankful for all the years of practicing law that I had under
years of practicing law that I had under
years of practicing law that I had under my belt at the time I I had practiced
my belt at the time I I had practiced
my belt at the time I I had practiced for about 15 years and lawyers jobs to
for about 15 years and lawyers jobs to
for about 15 years and lawyers jobs to look at information lots of information
look at information lots of information
look at information lots of information organize it put it together and come up
organize it put it together and come up
organize it put it together and come up with a sure solution
with a sure solution
with a sure solution and so I had that gift so that’s where I
and so I had that gift so that’s where I
and so I had that gift so that’s where I started so now let’s move on to the
started so now let’s move on to the
started so now let’s move on to the three stages equipping myself searching
three stages equipping myself searching
three stages equipping myself searching for myself
for myself
for myself and living as myself equipping myself
and living as myself equipping myself
and living as myself equipping myself involved developing tools that would
involved developing tools that would
involved developing tools that would help me I came up with different words
help me I came up with different words
help me I came up with different words that people use every day but I defined
that people use every day but I defined
that people use every day but I defined them for myself in a way that I would be
them for myself in a way that I would be
them for myself in a way that I would be able to understand them easy now as you
able to understand them easy now as you
able to understand them easy now as you can imagine the most important tool for
can imagine the most important tool for
can imagine the most important tool for me was sanity
me was sanity
me was sanity now sanity i defined as the ability to
now sanity i defined as the ability to
now sanity i defined as the ability to tell the difference between the truth
tell the difference between the truth
tell the difference between the truth and a lie I knew that the biggest hurdle
and a lie I knew that the biggest hurdle
and a lie I knew that the biggest hurdle I was going to face in what I was trying
I was going to face in what I was trying
I was going to face in what I was trying to do were all the lies that I had been
to do were all the lies that I had been
to do were all the lies that I had been telling myself for all the 38 years that
telling myself for all the 38 years that
telling myself for all the 38 years that I had been alive how would I get rid of
I had been alive how would I get rid of
I had been alive how would I get rid of those lies how would I even identify
those lies how would I even identify
those lies how would I even identify them so what I did was I exercised
them so what I did was I exercised
them so what I did was I exercised something very basic which is love your
something very basic which is love your
something very basic which is love your neighbor as you love yourself and so I
neighbor as you love yourself and so I
neighbor as you love yourself and so I stopped lying to other people and when I
stopped lying to other people and when I
stopped lying to other people and when I did that I realized that in fact if I’m
did that I realized that in fact if I’m
did that I realized that in fact if I’m not lying to others then I would not lie
not lying to others then I would not lie
not lying to others then I would not lie to myself I insisted that I would speak
to myself I insisted that I would speak
to myself I insisted that I would speak the truth no matter how embarrassing
the truth no matter how embarrassing
the truth no matter how embarrassing shameful complicated or scary I told
shameful complicated or scary I told
shameful complicated or scary I told myself the truth would be
myself the truth would be
myself the truth would be now those tools for me began to give me
now those tools for me began to give me
now those tools for me began to give me a lot of clarity in my mind and I felt
a lot of clarity in my mind and I felt
a lot of clarity in my mind and I felt free I felt that all the buttons were
free I felt that all the buttons were
free I felt that all the buttons were letting go of me now let’s move on to
letting go of me now let’s move on to
letting go of me now let’s move on to the next stage which was searching for
the next stage which was searching for
the next stage which was searching for myself I believe the reason why I
myself I believe the reason why I
myself I believe the reason why I thought I was worthless is because there
thought I was worthless is because there
thought I was worthless is because there were events in my life that I had
were events in my life that I had
were events in my life that I had interpreted in such a way that I
interpreted in such a way that I
interpreted in such a way that I convinced myself that I was worthless
convinced myself that I was worthless
convinced myself that I was worthless now using the same example as my mother
now using the same example as my mother
now using the same example as my mother for my mother my father was an extremely
for my mother my father was an extremely
for my mother my father was an extremely generous man he was he helped so many
generous man he was he helped so many
generous man he was he helped so many people but he never lifted a finger to
people but he never lifted a finger to
people but he never lifted a finger to help my mother the message that gave me
help my mother the message that gave me
help my mother the message that gave me was that he really did not love me
was that he really did not love me
was that he really did not love me because if he did then he would have
because if he did then he would have
because if he did then he would have helped her for my sake so then I told
helped her for my sake so then I told
helped her for my sake so then I told myself I’m not wanted and I’m not loved
myself I’m not wanted and I’m not loved
myself I’m not wanted and I’m not loved and so I’m worthless so to get myself
and so I’m worthless so to get myself
and so I’m worthless so to get myself from feeling that way or thinking that
from feeling that way or thinking that
from feeling that way or thinking that way I started to analyze the direction
way I started to analyze the direction
way I started to analyze the direction that kind of thinking was taking me in
that kind of thinking was taking me in
that kind of thinking was taking me in and what I came to see is that there
and what I came to see is that there
and what I came to see is that there were so many things in that narrative
were so many things in that narrative
were so many things in that narrative alone that were pretending to be my
alone that were pretending to be my
alone that were pretending to be my destiny but they were not for instance
destiny but they were not for instance
destiny but they were not for instance it was not my destiny to protect my
it was not my destiny to protect my
it was not my destiny to protect my mother and it was not my destiny to end
mother and it was not my destiny to end
mother and it was not my destiny to end up like her
up like her
up like her it also was not my destiny to understand
it also was not my destiny to understand
it also was not my destiny to understand my father or to be loved by him so I
my father or to be loved by him so I
my father or to be loved by him so I needed to define my destiny to get away
needed to define my destiny to get away
needed to define my destiny to get away from all these things that were giving
from all these things that were giving
from all these things that were giving me obligations that I really did not
me obligations that I really did not
me obligations that I really did not have to carry so I thought wow my
have to carry so I thought wow my
have to carry so I thought wow my destiny must be so complicated
destiny must be so complicated
destiny must be so complicated it must be full of heroic actions by
it must be full of heroic actions by
it must be full of heroic actions by somebody maybe lots of romance maybe a
somebody maybe lots of romance maybe a
somebody maybe lots of romance maybe a lot of news coverage but I decided no I
lot of news coverage but I decided no I
lot of news coverage but I decided no I was going to simplify it to my level
was going to simplify it to my level
was going to simplify it to my level where I could understand it and be able
where I could understand it and be able
where I could understand it and be able to feel that I was walking the path of
to feel that I was walking the path of
to feel that I was walking the path of my destiny so I told myself that my
my destiny so I told myself that my
my destiny so I told myself that my destiny is simply to discover something
destiny is simply to discover something
destiny is simply to discover something new about myself every day and to share
new about myself every day and to share
new about myself every day and to share that what I learned with others using my
that what I learned with others using my
that what I learned with others using my god-given talents and that is how I got
god-given talents and that is how I got
god-given talents and that is how I got free from those things that were
free from those things that were
free from those things that were pretending to be my destiny and that
pretending to be my destiny and that
pretending to be my destiny and that takes us to the third stage which is
takes us to the third stage which is
takes us to the third stage which is living as myself so to live as myself
living as myself so to live as myself
living as myself so to live as myself was quite simple I just thought I’d pick
was quite simple I just thought I’d pick
was quite simple I just thought I’d pick out things that I know I enjoy doing and
out things that I know I enjoy doing and
out things that I know I enjoy doing and exploit them now the first thing I
exploit them now the first thing I
exploit them now the first thing I exploited was my talent of writing I am
exploited was my talent of writing I am
exploited was my talent of writing I am a good writer
a good writer
a good writer so when I left my husband
so when I left my husband
so when I left my husband i sat down and I wrote a blog called
i sat down and I wrote a blog called
i sat down and I wrote a blog called highway to heaven and I talked about all
highway to heaven and I talked about all
highway to heaven and I talked about all the abuse I went through in my marriage
the abuse I went through in my marriage
the abuse I went through in my marriage I told the whole world about it and from
I told the whole world about it and from
I told the whole world about it and from there the people daily approached me and
there the people daily approached me and
there the people daily approached me and they asked me would I write for them
they asked me would I write for them
they asked me would I write for them personal stories about what’s going on
personal stories about what’s going on
personal stories about what’s going on in my life and I gladly agreed and so
in my life and I gladly agreed and so
in my life and I gladly agreed and so I’ve been writing for them and they
I’ve been writing for them and they
I’ve been writing for them and they published my column every Monday another
published my column every Monday another
published my column every Monday another thing I knew is that I’m I’m a very
thing I knew is that I’m I’m a very
thing I knew is that I’m I’m a very giving person very kind very generous
giving person very kind very generous
giving person very kind very generous but I believe that kindness and generous
but I believe that kindness and generous
but I believe that kindness and generous generosity can be misused and so in
generosity can be misused and so in
generosity can be misused and so in order to direct myself in the right path
order to direct myself in the right path
order to direct myself in the right path I established a charity I called it
I established a charity I called it
I established a charity I called it Mary’s manger after my mother my mother
Mary’s manger after my mother my mother
Mary’s manger after my mother my mother was called Mary it’s located where she
was called Mary it’s located where she
was called Mary it’s located where she lived and died which was also where I
lived and died which was also where I
lived and died which was also where I was born now Mary’s manger is for
was born now Mary’s manger is for
was born now Mary’s manger is for helping women who are going through
helping women who are going through
helping women who are going through abuse in their marriages it put me in a
abuse in their marriages it put me in a
abuse in their marriages it put me in a position where I could now say that I’m
position where I could now say that I’m
position where I could now say that I’m no longer in need of help
no longer in need of help
no longer in need of help because I can reach out to others and
because I can reach out to others and
because I can reach out to others and give them some help and that’s how I got
give them some help and that’s how I got
give them some help and that’s how I got out of that hellhole and brought myself
out of that hellhole and brought myself
out of that hellhole and brought myself to sanity it’s been five years I’m
to sanity it’s been five years I’m
to sanity it’s been five years I’m running a thriving law firm I’m raising
running a thriving law firm I’m raising
running a thriving law firm I’m raising three wonderful children I’m taking care
three wonderful children I’m taking care
three wonderful children I’m taking care of myself I’m running my charity and all
of myself I’m running my charity and all
of myself I’m running my charity and all that with something called bipolar
that with something called bipolar
that with something called bipolar complex disorder which I have since
complex disorder which I have since
complex disorder which I have since forgotten so I’m very glad
forgotten so I’m very glad
forgotten so I’m very glad that I managed to do that now the
that I managed to do that now the
that I managed to do that now the primary difference between a worthless
primary difference between a worthless
primary difference between a worthless mentality and a priceless mentality is
mentality and a priceless mentality is
mentality and a priceless mentality is that when I was living a worthless
that when I was living a worthless
that when I was living a worthless mentality I was living the life that I
mentality I was living the life that I
mentality I was living the life that I thought I was meant to live but when I
thought I was meant to live but when I
thought I was meant to live but when I live the priceless mentality I am living
live the priceless mentality I am living
live the priceless mentality I am living the life that I know I meant to live
the life that I know I meant to live
the life that I know I meant to live thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
”
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