[Applause] looking back it’s it’s kind of weird to
looking back it’s it’s kind of weird to
looking back it’s it’s kind of weird to me to be standing up here because I
me to be standing up here because I
me to be standing up here because I hated public speaking until like eighth
hated public speaking until like eighth
hated public speaking until like eighth grade
grade
grade if remember doing book talks elementary
if remember doing book talks elementary
if remember doing book talks elementary school those are my worst fear which is
school those are my worst fear which is
school those are my worst fear which is strange because I liked reading books
strange because I liked reading books
strange because I liked reading books and I was fine with talking to people
and I was fine with talking to people
and I was fine with talking to people one on one but suddenly put a spotlight
one on one but suddenly put a spotlight
one on one but suddenly put a spotlight on me and I hated both only reason I got
on me and I hated both only reason I got
on me and I hated both only reason I got through elementary school was because of
through elementary school was because of
through elementary school was because of my dad before my book talks I would just
my dad before my book talks I would just
my dad before my book talks I would just go to his office sit across from him at
go to his office sit across from him at
go to his office sit across from him at his desk and talk about my book he would
his desk and talk about my book he would
his desk and talk about my book he would nod and smile and I would essentially
nod and smile and I would essentially
nod and smile and I would essentially have a one-sided conversation with him
have a one-sided conversation with him
have a one-sided conversation with him and eventually I started to enjoy public
and eventually I started to enjoy public
and eventually I started to enjoy public speaking I approached all speeches as if
speaking I approached all speeches as if
speaking I approached all speeches as if they were just a conversation with my
they were just a conversation with my
they were just a conversation with my dad telling him about the book or
dad telling him about the book or
dad telling him about the book or whatever it was I think the reason that
whatever it was I think the reason that
whatever it was I think the reason that many of us are at first afraid of public
many of us are at first afraid of public
many of us are at first afraid of public speaking is because it makes us
speaking is because it makes us
speaking is because it makes us vulnerable when we’re up here we’re
vulnerable when we’re up here we’re
vulnerable when we’re up here we’re thinking what if I messed up what if I
thinking what if I messed up what if I
thinking what if I messed up what if I say something they don’t like we’re
say something they don’t like we’re
say something they don’t like we’re putting ourselves at risk and it’s not
putting ourselves at risk and it’s not
putting ourselves at risk and it’s not it’s not a physical risk at least
it’s not a physical risk at least
it’s not a physical risk at least usually it’s more of an emotional risk
usually it’s more of an emotional risk
usually it’s more of an emotional risk and I was not into emotional risks at
and I was not into emotional risks at
and I was not into emotional risks at the time and I’m sure that you guys
the time and I’m sure that you guys
the time and I’m sure that you guys aren’t either but as hearing your third
aren’t either but as hearing your third
aren’t either but as hearing your third week of freshman year as you begin this
week of freshman year as you begin this
week of freshman year as you begin this a new stage of your life I want to
a new stage of your life I want to
a new stage of your life I want to encourage you to step out of that bubble
encourage you to step out of that bubble
encourage you to step out of that bubble I want you to get hurt and again not
I want you to get hurt and again not
I want you to get hurt and again not physically and not too much but for the
physically and not too much but for the
physically and not too much but for the next four years I want to encourage you
next four years I want to encourage you
next four years I want to encourage you to take those emotional risks now maybe
to take those emotional risks now maybe
to take those emotional risks now maybe you’re wondering why I’m talking about
you’re wondering why I’m talking about
you’re wondering why I’m talking about emotional risks well let me explain on
emotional risks well let me explain on
emotional risks well let me explain on September 17th 2015 and around 1 o’clock
September 17th 2015 and around 1 o’clock
September 17th 2015 and around 1 o’clock in the morning my mom got a phone call
in the morning my mom got a phone call
in the morning my mom got a phone call it was from a family friend who was in
it was from a family friend who was in
it was from a family friend who was in the hospital visiting my dad who had
the hospital visiting my dad who had
the hospital visiting my dad who had been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer
been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer
been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in December 2014
in December 2014
in December 2014 he deteriorated ever since and we’d
he deteriorated ever since and we’d
he deteriorated ever since and we’d actually just gone and visited him the
actually just gone and visited him the
actually just gone and visited him the day before he seemed to be getting a
day before he seemed to be getting a
day before he seemed to be getting a little bit better but now on the phone
little bit better but now on the phone
little bit better but now on the phone our family friend was saying you need to
our family friend was saying you need to
our family friend was saying you need to get here now doctors say he won’t last
get here now doctors say he won’t last
get here now doctors say he won’t last the night so my mom came alok me up and
the night so my mom came alok me up and
the night so my mom came alok me up and I’m an only child so just the two of us
I’m an only child so just the two of us
I’m an only child so just the two of us we drove to the hospital done an empty
we drove to the hospital done an empty
we drove to the hospital done an empty Highway half an hour complete silence
Highway half an hour complete silence
Highway half an hour complete silence and I was just looking out the window
and I was just looking out the window
and I was just looking out the window trying to think of all the things I
trying to think of all the things I
trying to think of all the things I wanted to say but also trying to prepare
wanted to say but also trying to prepare
wanted to say but also trying to prepare myself in case we were too late so we
myself in case we were too late so we
myself in case we were too late so we got to the hospital ran up to his room I
got to the hospital ran up to his room I
got to the hospital ran up to his room I ran inside and I just went to grab his
ran inside and I just went to grab his
ran inside and I just went to grab his hand and I was just all I could think to
hand and I was just all I could think to
hand and I was just all I could think to say was daddy daddy I love you daddy
and he didn’t answer and he was still
and he didn’t answer and he was still breathing
breathing
breathing he was still there but his eyes were
he was still there but his eyes were
he was still there but his eyes were just kind of staring up the ceiling he
just kind of staring up the ceiling he
just kind of staring up the ceiling he was too weak to talk too weak to move so
was too weak to talk too weak to move so
was too weak to talk too weak to move so just over and over daddy I love you I
just over and over daddy I love you I
just over and over daddy I love you I miss you
miss you
miss you we’re gonna miss you but it’s okay we’re
we’re gonna miss you but it’s okay we’re
we’re gonna miss you but it’s okay we’re gonna be okay you can go it’s okay
and though it couldn’t give me any words
and though it couldn’t give me any words of reassurance or a last hug I know he
of reassurance or a last hug I know he
of reassurance or a last hug I know he heard me because in that moment he
heard me because in that moment he
heard me because in that moment he squeezed my hand a few hours later left
squeezed my hand a few hours later left
squeezed my hand a few hours later left the room to go take a nap and I just
the room to go take a nap and I just
the room to go take a nap and I just laid down in the other room when my mom
laid down in the other room when my mom
laid down in the other room when my mom came to get me he passed away almost as
came to get me he passed away almost as
came to get me he passed away almost as soon as I left the room doctor said he
soon as I left the room doctor said he
soon as I left the room doctor said he didn’t want me to be there when he died
so that day was the worst day of my life
so that day was the worst day of my life and that day in the days before in the
and that day in the days before in the
and that day in the days before in the days after formed an incredibly
days after formed an incredibly
days after formed an incredibly important chapter in my life not just
important chapter in my life not just
important chapter in my life not just because of the direct impact my dad’s
because of the direct impact my dad’s
because of the direct impact my dad’s death had on me but also because of the
death had on me but also because of the
death had on me but also because of the lessons that I learned from brief
lessons that I learned from brief
lessons that I learned from brief lessons that from one eMeter student to
lessons that from one eMeter student to
lessons that from one eMeter student to another I’d like to share with you today
first thing I want to mention is that
first thing I want to mention is that the amador community is really really
the amador community is really really
the amador community is really really supportive in the months after my dad
supportive in the months after my dad
supportive in the months after my dad passed I had my friends reach out to me
passed I had my friends reach out to me
passed I had my friends reach out to me come to my dad’s funeral
come to my dad’s funeral
come to my dad’s funeral I had classmates who I barely kneeled to
I had classmates who I barely kneeled to
I had classmates who I barely kneeled to be honest messaging me on Facebook
be honest messaging me on Facebook
be honest messaging me on Facebook offering to just listen if I wanted to
offering to just listen if I wanted to
offering to just listen if I wanted to talk to them I personally found it
talk to them I personally found it
talk to them I personally found it really helpful to go talk to my
really helpful to go talk to my
really helpful to go talk to my counselor because sometimes we just have
counselor because sometimes we just have
counselor because sometimes we just have bad days and so I would go and talk
bad days and so I would go and talk
bad days and so I would go and talk about my feelings and it sounds cliche
about my feelings and it sounds cliche
about my feelings and it sounds cliche but sometimes just talking about it
but sometimes just talking about it
but sometimes just talking about it putting things into words can give you
putting things into words can give you
putting things into words can give you control over your emotions I also found
control over your emotions I also found
control over your emotions I also found it really helpful to talk to my teachers
it really helpful to talk to my teachers
it really helpful to talk to my teachers I think it might give you hugs and
I think it might give you hugs and
I think it might give you hugs and chocolate I also talked to my ap biology
chocolate I also talked to my ap biology
chocolate I also talked to my ap biology teacher at the time mr. teal who is
teacher at the time mr. teal who is
teacher at the time mr. teal who is unfortunately no longer with us but he
unfortunately no longer with us but he
unfortunately no longer with us but he also had to deal with cancer a lot in
also had to deal with cancer a lot in
also had to deal with cancer a lot in his life and so he gave me some of his
his life and so he gave me some of his
his life and so he gave me some of his insights all the advice and even after I
insights all the advice and even after I
insights all the advice and even after I wasn’t in his class anymore she still
wasn’t in his class anymore she still
wasn’t in his class anymore she still came to check in on me
came to check in on me
came to check in on me and I think mr. chill mr. chill
and I think mr. chill mr. chill
and I think mr. chill mr. chill represents the compassion of Amador
represents the compassion of Amador
represents the compassion of Amador Community next thing I want to talk
Community next thing I want to talk
Community next thing I want to talk about is a little bit more abstract so
about is a little bit more abstract so
about is a little bit more abstract so let’s talk about what grief actually
let’s talk about what grief actually
let’s talk about what grief actually it’s so the obvious definition is it’s a
it’s so the obvious definition is it’s a
it’s so the obvious definition is it’s a period of sorrow especially associated
period of sorrow especially associated
period of sorrow especially associated with death and a lot of other really sad
with death and a lot of other really sad
with death and a lot of other really sad words it’s really just mourning a loss
words it’s really just mourning a loss
words it’s really just mourning a loss it was less intuitive to me is why we
it was less intuitive to me is why we
it was less intuitive to me is why we have it like what is the evolutionary
have it like what is the evolutionary
have it like what is the evolutionary benefit to being really sad if we look
benefit to being really sad if we look
benefit to being really sad if we look at other animals we’ve seen it in well
at other animals we’ve seen it in well
at other animals we’ve seen it in well an elephants dolphins sea lions Birds
an elephants dolphins sea lions Birds
an elephants dolphins sea lions Birds camels animals that aren’t even primates
camels animals that aren’t even primates
camels animals that aren’t even primates animals that we wouldn’t expect to have
animals that we wouldn’t expect to have
animals that we wouldn’t expect to have these actions we’ve seen animals
these actions we’ve seen animals
these actions we’ve seen animals mourning their dead offspring dead
mourning their dead offspring dead
mourning their dead offspring dead partners pack members crying over dead
partners pack members crying over dead
partners pack members crying over dead bodies sometimes even burying animals
bodies sometimes even burying animals
bodies sometimes even burying animals other animals in a way that we would
other animals in a way that we would
other animals in a way that we would naively call human you’ve no doubt seen
naively call human you’ve no doubt seen
naively call human you’ve no doubt seen the pictures and videos of cats and dogs
the pictures and videos of cats and dogs
the pictures and videos of cats and dogs if you remember this movie morning
if you remember this movie morning
if you remember this movie morning owners
grief is universal grief is common and
grief is universal grief is common and there’s an optimistic way and a
there’s an optimistic way and a
there’s an optimistic way and a pessimistic way of looking at this a
pessimistic way of looking at this a
pessimistic way of looking at this a pessimist looks at it and says we deal
pessimist looks at it and says we deal
pessimist looks at it and says we deal with grief all the time because we deal
with grief all the time because we deal
with grief all the time because we deal with loss all the time loss is
with loss all the time loss is
with loss all the time loss is everywhere but an optimist looks at it
everywhere but an optimist looks at it
everywhere but an optimist looks at it and says that we know how to deal with
and says that we know how to deal with
and says that we know how to deal with it that clearly if we have it then the
it that clearly if we have it then the
it that clearly if we have it then the good that comes out of the relationships
good that comes out of the relationships
good that comes out of the relationships we form outweighs the bad from the pain
we form outweighs the bad from the pain
we form outweighs the bad from the pain it happens when we lose them that in
it happens when we lose them that in
it happens when we lose them that in other words we are genetically hardwired
other words we are genetically hardwired
other words we are genetically hardwired to deal with the grief of permanent loss
to deal with the grief of permanent loss
to deal with the grief of permanent loss it just takes pain one time in July a
it just takes pain one time in July a
it just takes pain one time in July a couple months before my dad died he was
couple months before my dad died he was
couple months before my dad died he was in the hospital and I went to my dad’s
in the hospital and I went to my dad’s
in the hospital and I went to my dad’s office to get a book and I looked at the
office to get a book and I looked at the
office to get a book and I looked at the table where we’d once discussed books
table where we’d once discussed books
table where we’d once discussed books and I realized that the way things were
and I realized that the way things were
and I realized that the way things were going he was never going to come home
and I went to my room and I cried for
and I went to my room and I cried for hours I walked around my house I saw the
hours I walked around my house I saw the
hours I walked around my house I saw the couch where we used to watch movies
couch where we used to watch movies
couch where we used to watch movies dinner table where he’d never tell us
dinner table where he’d never tell us
dinner table where he’d never tell us about something he heard him on a
about something he heard him on a
about something he heard him on a podcast on the way home from work
podcast on the way home from work
podcast on the way home from work outside there was the park where we used
outside there was the park where we used
outside there was the park where we used to play tennis and I’d realized at some
to play tennis and I’d realized at some
to play tennis and I’d realized at some point in the last few months I’d gone on
point in the last few months I’d gone on
point in the last few months I’d gone on my last evening walk with him and it
my last evening walk with him and it
my last evening walk with him and it sounds awful but I tried to love him
sounds awful but I tried to love him
sounds awful but I tried to love him less because at each at each time I
less because at each at each time I
less because at each at each time I remembered one of these things it was
remembered one of these things it was
remembered one of these things it was even though he was just a phone call
even though he was just a phone call
even though he was just a phone call away in my head he died in my head I
away in my head he died in my head I
away in my head he died in my head I warned him over and over again and when
warned him over and over again and when
warned him over and over again and when the time finally came I didn’t want to
the time finally came I didn’t want to
the time finally came I didn’t want to deal with that pain let’s see
deal with that pain let’s see
deal with that pain let’s see when I was six my dad took me to a
when I was six my dad took me to a
when I was six my dad took me to a carnival and there was a clown there who
carnival and there was a clown there who
carnival and there was a clown there who was making balloon animals and there
was making balloon animals and there
was making balloon animals and there were kids my age fighting with balloon
were kids my age fighting with balloon
were kids my age fighting with balloon swords and carrying balloon dogs and so
swords and carrying balloon dogs and so
swords and carrying balloon dogs and so I wanted to pull them so we got in line
I wanted to pull them so we got in line
I wanted to pull them so we got in line and then at one point I said to my dad
and then at one point I said to my dad
and then at one point I said to my dad actually I don’t want one anymore and
actually I don’t want one anymore and
actually I don’t want one anymore and then he asked me why and I said because
then he asked me why and I said because
then he asked me why and I said because I don’t want to be sad when it pops
I don’t want to be sad when it pops
I don’t want to be sad when it pops which I thought was very profound but
which I thought was very profound but
which I thought was very profound but apparently he didn’t so he just got me
apparently he didn’t so he just got me
apparently he didn’t so he just got me one anyway and I don’t remember it
one anyway and I don’t remember it
one anyway and I don’t remember it popping back in July I realized that
popping back in July I realized that
popping back in July I realized that when I remembered this time of my life I
when I remembered this time of my life I
when I remembered this time of my life I didn’t just want to remember planning
didn’t just want to remember planning
didn’t just want to remember planning funerals and supporting my mom I wanted
funerals and supporting my mom I wanted
funerals and supporting my mom I wanted to remember my dad I didn’t want to
to remember my dad I didn’t want to
to remember my dad I didn’t want to regret anything so I went back to the
regret anything so I went back to the
regret anything so I went back to the hospital and we’d watch movies on the TV
hospital and we’d watch movies on the TV
hospital and we’d watch movies on the TV screen in his room and talked about
screen in his room and talked about
screen in his room and talked about podcasts and sang songs together and
podcasts and sang songs together and
podcasts and sang songs together and sometimes we’d take these slow really
sometimes we’d take these slow really
sometimes we’d take these slow really painfully slow walks around with his
painfully slow walks around with his
painfully slow walks around with his floor at the hospital and stopped at the
floor at the hospital and stopped at the
floor at the hospital and stopped at the windows to look at the sunsets
I had answered that question the
I had answered that question the question that we all deal with at some
question that we all deal with at some
question that we all deal with at some point what’s the point what’s the point
point what’s the point what’s the point
point what’s the point what’s the point of forming relationships of loving
of forming relationships of loving
of forming relationships of loving people having balloon animals of
people having balloon animals of
people having balloon animals of investing your time and your heart into
investing your time and your heart into
investing your time and your heart into something and anything when everything
something and anything when everything
something and anything when everything is going to die what’s the point
I’m not a philosopher and I haven’t
I’m not a philosopher and I haven’t looked into the eyes of death and
looked into the eyes of death and
looked into the eyes of death and understood the meaning of life but I do
understood the meaning of life but I do
understood the meaning of life but I do know simple laws of physics what goes up
know simple laws of physics what goes up
know simple laws of physics what goes up must come down and I know now that the
must come down and I know now that the
must come down and I know now that the down is always worth it and then we can
down is always worth it and then we can
down is always worth it and then we can emerge from the entire experience better
emerge from the entire experience better
emerge from the entire experience better wiser people so you’ll be told that the
wiser people so you’ll be told that the
wiser people so you’ll be told that the next four years of your life are the
next four years of your life are the
next four years of your life are the best four years of your life or the
best four years of your life or the
best four years of your life or the worst four years of your life are the
worst four years of your life are the
worst four years of your life are the most important four years and don’t
most important four years and don’t
most important four years and don’t listen to any of them they’re all kind
listen to any of them they’re all kind
listen to any of them they’re all kind of show what I want to encourage you
of show what I want to encourage you
of show what I want to encourage you guys to do for the next for whatever you
guys to do for the next for whatever you
guys to do for the next for whatever you make of them years of your life is to
make of them years of your life is to
make of them years of your life is to put your heart on the line fall in love
put your heart on the line fall in love
put your heart on the line fall in love with a person sure or with an idea or
with a person sure or with an idea or
with a person sure or with an idea or subject or sports do something you know
subject or sports do something you know
subject or sports do something you know you’re gonna fail at and when you do
you’re gonna fail at and when you do
you’re gonna fail at and when you do don’t let yourself tell your friends
don’t let yourself tell your friends
don’t let yourself tell your friends that you weren’t really trying but do
that you weren’t really trying but do
that you weren’t really trying but do something stupid like try to convince
something stupid like try to convince
something stupid like try to convince the entire freshman class to do stupid
the entire freshman class to do stupid
the entire freshman class to do stupid things make yourself vulnerable because
things make yourself vulnerable because
things make yourself vulnerable because the greatest lesson that I learned from
the greatest lesson that I learned from
the greatest lesson that I learned from grief was that I could deal with it we
grief was that I could deal with it we
grief was that I could deal with it we can deal with the pain of permanent loss
can deal with the pain of permanent loss
can deal with the pain of permanent loss and you can deal with anything thank you
”
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