decision is the ultimate power when I was preparing for this talk I thought I
was preparing for this talk I thought I
was preparing for this talk I thought I might Google great speakers study their
might Google great speakers study their
might Google great speakers study their form you know and I came across a TED
form you know and I came across a TED
form you know and I came across a TED talk that Tony Robbins gave called why
talk that Tony Robbins gave called why
talk that Tony Robbins gave called why we do what we do and in it he said those
we do what we do and in it he said those
we do what we do and in it he said those words decision is the ultimate power
words decision is the ultimate power
words decision is the ultimate power what we do beforehand it’s no longer
what we do beforehand it’s no longer
what we do beforehand it’s no longer relevant what happens afterwards is as a
relevant what happens afterwards is as a
relevant what happens afterwards is as a result of the decision decision is the
result of the decision decision is the
result of the decision decision is the ultimate power those words landed really
ultimate power those words landed really
ultimate power those words landed really heavily for me when I heard them because
heavily for me when I heard them because
heavily for me when I heard them because in 1988 when I was 20 I had a massive
in 1988 when I was 20 I had a massive
in 1988 when I was 20 I had a massive decision to make
decision to make
decision to make I found myself pregnant and alone at
I found myself pregnant and alone at
I found myself pregnant and alone at least until I told my parents five
least until I told my parents five
least until I told my parents five months later and the option of adoption
months later and the option of adoption
months later and the option of adoption was put to me not forced on me but
was put to me not forced on me but
was put to me not forced on me but gently placed in front of me as
gently placed in front of me as
gently placed in front of me as something that I might consider now
something that I might consider now
something that I might consider now before I got pregnant I had been hair
before I got pregnant I had been hair
before I got pregnant I had been hair and down the wrong road of life I knew
and down the wrong road of life I knew
and down the wrong road of life I knew it I just didn’t know how to get off
pregnancy stopped me in my tracks it
pregnancy stopped me in my tracks it slowed me down I was able to look around
slowed me down I was able to look around
slowed me down I was able to look around and to consider other people and other
and to consider other people and other
and to consider other people and other situations
situations
situations I suppose I matured overnight and I said
I suppose I matured overnight and I said
I suppose I matured overnight and I said that I would consider things in this
that I would consider things in this
that I would consider things in this case adoption the way it worked
case adoption the way it worked
case adoption the way it worked in 1988 in my case anyway was this I had
in 1988 in my case anyway was this I had
in 1988 in my case anyway was this I had my baby I kept him in the hospital with
my baby I kept him in the hospital with
my baby I kept him in the hospital with me for four beautiful days and on the
me for four beautiful days and on the
me for four beautiful days and on the fifth day my social worker came to take
fifth day my social worker came to take
fifth day my social worker came to take him away to stay with the foster family
him away to stay with the foster family
him away to stay with the foster family for six weeks
for six weeks
for six weeks imagine that there are people like that
imagine that there are people like that
imagine that there are people like that in the world
in the world
in the world that will do that they will take the
that will do that they will take the
that will do that they will take the newborn child of a mother who needs to
newborn child of a mother who needs to
newborn child of a mother who needs to clear her head and make a decision they
clear her head and make a decision they
clear her head and make a decision they will fall in love and have their hearts
will fall in love and have their hearts
will fall in love and have their hearts broken six weeks later because
broken six weeks later because
broken six weeks later because regardless of the
regardless of the
regardless of the decision that the birth mother mother
decision that the birth mother mother
decision that the birth mother mother makes they’re going to lose that little
makes they’re going to lose that little
makes they’re going to lose that little baby in my case it was more like eight
baby in my case it was more like eight
baby in my case it was more like eight weeks as I wandered around waiting for
weeks as I wandered around waiting for
weeks as I wandered around waiting for divine inspiration for the heavens to
divine inspiration for the heavens to
divine inspiration for the heavens to open and for the hand of God to come out
open and for the hand of God to come out
open and for the hand of God to come out and point me in the right direction to
and point me in the right direction to
and point me in the right direction to say Emer do this or do this but no
say Emer do this or do this but no
say Emer do this or do this but no intervention came and all by myself I
intervention came and all by myself I
intervention came and all by myself I made a decision I decided that I would
made a decision I decided that I would
made a decision I decided that I would keep my baby I decided that I could keep
keep my baby I decided that I could keep
keep my baby I decided that I could keep my baby I told my parents my family I
my baby I told my parents my family I
my baby I told my parents my family I told my social worker I told the foster
told my social worker I told the foster
told my social worker I told the foster mother I bought baby books and baby
mother I bought baby books and baby
mother I bought baby books and baby clothes and I went one last time to
clothes and I went one last time to
clothes and I went one last time to visit him in the foster family home
visit him in the foster family home
visit him in the foster family home before things became official but when I
before things became official but when I
before things became official but when I held him I knew I was not making the
held him I knew I was not making the
held him I knew I was not making the right decision if there was a divine
right decision if there was a divine
right decision if there was a divine voice it was very loud it was bigger
voice it was very loud it was bigger
voice it was very loud it was bigger than me I was in no doubt that I was not
than me I was in no doubt that I was not
than me I was in no doubt that I was not supposed to be this child’s mother it
supposed to be this child’s mother it
supposed to be this child’s mother it was heartbreaking
was heartbreaking
was heartbreaking and binds me still to the foster mother
people say I’m brave but I’m not this
people say I’m brave but I’m not this isn’t brave the past almost thirty years
isn’t brave the past almost thirty years
isn’t brave the past almost thirty years have not been brave my life turned out
have not been brave my life turned out
have not been brave my life turned out to be a happy one I met and married a
to be a happy one I met and married a
to be a happy one I met and married a most beautiful kind good man that I
most beautiful kind good man that I
most beautiful kind good man that I still love he gave me two beautiful
still love he gave me two beautiful
still love he gave me two beautiful daughters that I adore I’ve had my
daughters that I adore I’ve had my
daughters that I adore I’ve had my career my creativity I am surrounded by
career my creativity I am surrounded by
career my creativity I am surrounded by love and support I cannot say that I
love and support I cannot say that I
love and support I cannot say that I have not had a good life I did have one
have not had a good life I did have one
have not had a good life I did have one true brave moment however back in the
true brave moment however back in the
true brave moment however back in the hospital on that fifth day my mother
hospital on that fifth day my mother
hospital on that fifth day my mother standing stoic ly behind me my social
standing stoic ly behind me my social
standing stoic ly behind me my social worker were tears in her eyes matron
worker were tears in her eyes matron
worker were tears in her eyes matron wrapping my baby against the cold
wrapping my baby against the cold
wrapping my baby against the cold to him crying and I with inner chaos in
to him crying and I with inner chaos in
to him crying and I with inner chaos in my mind stood silently save for the
my mind stood silently save for the
my mind stood silently save for the tears every fiber of my being was
tears every fiber of my being was
tears every fiber of my being was screaming say you have changed your mind
screaming say you have changed your mind
screaming say you have changed your mind but I stood fast appalled at my own
but I stood fast appalled at my own
but I stood fast appalled at my own strength and I let him go I had to if I
strength and I let him go I had to if I
strength and I let him go I had to if I was going to make a clear-headed
was going to make a clear-headed
was going to make a clear-headed decision that one true brave moment
decision that one true brave moment
decision that one true brave moment defines me still everything I am today
defines me still everything I am today
defines me still everything I am today is because of that moment when I went
is because of that moment when I went
is because of that moment when I went back out into the world
back out into the world
back out into the world after at all if I found myself in a
after at all if I found myself in a
after at all if I found myself in a difficult situation or I walked into a
difficult situation or I walked into a
difficult situation or I walked into a room full of strangers or it wasn’t
room full of strangers or it wasn’t
room full of strangers or it wasn’t comfortable in any way I would say to
comfortable in any way I would say to
comfortable in any way I would say to myself I have done this thing what can
myself I have done this thing what can
myself I have done this thing what can possibly top that but I would also say I
possibly top that but I would also say I
possibly top that but I would also say I have a son
have a son
have a son and that’s often things it balanced them
and that’s often things it balanced them
and that’s often things it balanced them it prevented me from hating myself I
it prevented me from hating myself I
it prevented me from hating myself I grew in confidence and the wisdom that
grew in confidence and the wisdom that
grew in confidence and the wisdom that mothers get when I look back and I do
mothers get when I look back and I do
mothers get when I look back and I do especially close to his birthday every
especially close to his birthday every
especially close to his birthday every year I go into that room I delve right
year I go into that room I delve right
year I go into that room I delve right into the pain I turned myself inside out
into the pain I turned myself inside out
into the pain I turned myself inside out with grief but I come back out and I
with grief but I come back out and I
with grief but I come back out and I always always say I made the right
always always say I made the right
always always say I made the right decision
decision
decision I carry pain in my heart but I am
I carry pain in my heart but I am
I carry pain in my heart but I am surrounded by love my decision in the
surrounded by love my decision in the
surrounded by love my decision in the end was my ultimate power perhaps my
end was my ultimate power perhaps my
end was my ultimate power perhaps my decision was my superpower thank you
decision was my superpower thank you
decision was my superpower thank you [Applause]
”
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