in 2009 my parents received a call that changed my family’s life forever for
changed my family’s life forever for
changed my family’s life forever for several days my sister had been telling
several days my sister had been telling
several days my sister had been telling us about the wonderful things going on
us about the wonderful things going on
us about the wonderful things going on in her life she was getting great grades
in her life she was getting great grades
in her life she was getting great grades job offers and she’d even picked her art
job offers and she’d even picked her art
job offers and she’d even picked her art back up again but in direct
back up again but in direct
back up again but in direct contradiction to this my parents
contradiction to this my parents
contradiction to this my parents received a call from her then-boyfriend
received a call from her then-boyfriend
received a call from her then-boyfriend and he said I don’t mean to bother you
and he said I don’t mean to bother you
and he said I don’t mean to bother you guys but your daughter’s not doing well
guys but your daughter’s not doing well
guys but your daughter’s not doing well and I think that she needs help what we
and I think that she needs help what we
and I think that she needs help what we thought was my sisters success was
thought was my sisters success was
thought was my sisters success was actually the result of a manic episode
actually the result of a manic episode
actually the result of a manic episode she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder
she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder
she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in the weeks that followed my parents
in the weeks that followed my parents
in the weeks that followed my parents spent a lot of time going back and forth
spent a lot of time going back and forth
spent a lot of time going back and forth between my home town in Texas and
between my home town in Texas and
between my home town in Texas and Washington DC where my sister was
Washington DC where my sister was
Washington DC where my sister was studying for several weeks my sister had
studying for several weeks my sister had
studying for several weeks my sister had been struggling with fairly serious
been struggling with fairly serious
been struggling with fairly serious solutions she was convinced that she was
solutions she was convinced that she was
solutions she was convinced that she was running for president or that my dad was
running for president or that my dad was
running for president or that my dad was a drug cartel lord or that my mom
a drug cartel lord or that my mom
a drug cartel lord or that my mom suffered from battered wife syndrome
suffered from battered wife syndrome
suffered from battered wife syndrome obviously none of which were true
obviously none of which were true
obviously none of which were true because I was a young teenager at the
because I was a young teenager at the
because I was a young teenager at the time it’s easy to attribute to my young
time it’s easy to attribute to my young
time it’s easy to attribute to my young age that I didn’t know what to do I
age that I didn’t know what to do I
age that I didn’t know what to do I didn’t know what to say and I didn’t
didn’t know what to say and I didn’t
didn’t know what to say and I didn’t know what to how to help but the reality
know what to how to help but the reality
know what to how to help but the reality is that people of all ages feel this way
is that people of all ages feel this way
is that people of all ages feel this way when a loved one is diagnosed with a
when a loved one is diagnosed with a
when a loved one is diagnosed with a mental illness traditionally when we
mental illness traditionally when we
mental illness traditionally when we talk about mental health we focus on the
talk about mental health we focus on the
talk about mental health we focus on the barriers to getting help however I’d
barriers to getting help however I’d
barriers to getting help however I’d like to talk about a different side of
like to talk about a different side of
like to talk about a different side of mental health the barriers to giving
mental health the barriers to giving
mental health the barriers to giving help I want to talk about people like me
help I want to talk about people like me
help I want to talk about people like me and my family when my sister was
and my family when my sister was
and my family when my sister was diagnosed with bipolar disorder my goal
diagnosed with bipolar disorder my goal
diagnosed with bipolar disorder my goal is to give you a different perspective
is to give you a different perspective
is to give you a different perspective on mental health normalize the barriers
on mental health normalize the barriers
on mental health normalize the barriers of giving help and ultimately leave you
of giving help and ultimately leave you
of giving help and ultimately leave you feeling more confident when it comes to
feeling more confident when it comes to
feeling more confident when it comes to helping people in need everything that I
helping people in need everything that I
helping people in need everything that I talked about today is gonna be focused
talked about today is gonna be focused
talked about today is gonna be focused around what I’ve learned when it comes
around what I’ve learned when it comes
around what I’ve learned when it comes to mental illness namely that recovery
to mental illness namely that recovery
to mental illness namely that recovery isn’t black-and-white it’s not simply
isn’t black-and-white it’s not simply
isn’t black-and-white it’s not simply that either you’re getting better or
that either you’re getting better or
that either you’re getting better or you’re getting worse the reality is is
you’re getting worse the reality is is
you’re getting worse the reality is is that there’s a spectrum
that there’s a spectrum
that there’s a spectrum of recovery that comes with different
of recovery that comes with different
of recovery that comes with different stages in public health there’s actually
stages in public health there’s actually
stages in public health there’s actually a behavior change framework that
a behavior change framework that
a behavior change framework that captures this called the
captures this called the
captures this called the transtheoretical model and while I’d
transtheoretical model and while I’d
transtheoretical model and while I’d love to spend the entire talk talking
love to spend the entire talk talking
love to spend the entire talk talking about this model I’m only going to focus
about this model I’m only going to focus
about this model I’m only going to focus on three main stages pre contemplation
on three main stages pre contemplation
on three main stages pre contemplation action and maintenance pre contemplation
action and maintenance pre contemplation
action and maintenance pre contemplation is when a person doesn’t think they have
is when a person doesn’t think they have
is when a person doesn’t think they have a problem or they don’t want to change
a problem or they don’t want to change
a problem or they don’t want to change son mental illness this might look like
son mental illness this might look like
son mental illness this might look like someone who’s sick but they don’t want
someone who’s sick but they don’t want
someone who’s sick but they don’t want to get help the action stage is when
to get help the action stage is when
to get help the action stage is when they’re taking active steps to improve
they’re taking active steps to improve
they’re taking active steps to improve their mental health so that could be by
their mental health so that could be by
their mental health so that could be by going to therapy trying medications or
going to therapy trying medications or
going to therapy trying medications or any other means the maintenance stage is
any other means the maintenance stage is
any other means the maintenance stage is when you take steps to maintain the
when you take steps to maintain the
when you take steps to maintain the benefits that you got from the action
benefits that you got from the action
benefits that you got from the action stage it’s important to know that these
stage it’s important to know that these
stage it’s important to know that these different stages aren’t discrete and
different stages aren’t discrete and
different stages aren’t discrete and generally people move throughout them in
generally people move throughout them in
generally people move throughout them in their behavior change journey more
their behavior change journey more
their behavior change journey more importantly these different stages come
importantly these different stages come
importantly these different stages come with different barriers in the case of
with different barriers in the case of
with different barriers in the case of my sister my family had to help remove
my sister my family had to help remove
my sister my family had to help remove through the entire process of recovery
through the entire process of recovery
through the entire process of recovery when my parents received that call it
when my parents received that call it
when my parents received that call it was the first time ever that my sister
was the first time ever that my sister
was the first time ever that my sister had dealt with bipolar disorder and the
had dealt with bipolar disorder and the
had dealt with bipolar disorder and the fact of the matter is is that mania
fact of the matter is is that mania
fact of the matter is is that mania feels really good so my sister didn’t
feels really good so my sister didn’t
feels really good so my sister didn’t want to change the only solution to get
want to change the only solution to get
want to change the only solution to get her to start recovering was for her to
her to start recovering was for her to
her to start recovering was for her to be hospitalized
be hospitalized
be hospitalized so was after this that I could start
so was after this that I could start
so was after this that I could start helping her and I can attest to the fact
helping her and I can attest to the fact
helping her and I can attest to the fact that depending on where she was in her
that depending on where she was in her
that depending on where she was in her recovery I experienced different
recovery I experienced different
recovery I experienced different barriers at first we focused a lot on
barriers at first we focused a lot on
barriers at first we focused a lot on simply getting her to take her
simply getting her to take her
simply getting her to take her medication but later we dealt with more
medication but later we dealt with more
medication but later we dealt with more complex issues such as the fact that her
complex issues such as the fact that her
complex issues such as the fact that her family dynamics had changed simply
family dynamics had changed simply
family dynamics had changed simply because of her diagnosis the experiences
because of her diagnosis the experiences
because of her diagnosis the experiences with my sister was the first time that
with my sister was the first time that
with my sister was the first time that I’d ever been personally and deeply
I’d ever been personally and deeply
I’d ever been personally and deeply impacted by mental illness since then
impacted by mental illness since then
impacted by mental illness since then I’ve started to think about mental
I’ve started to think about mental
I’ve started to think about mental health recovery as a spectrum with
health recovery as a spectrum with
health recovery as a spectrum with different stages and it’s helped me in
different stages and it’s helped me in
different stages and it’s helped me in other instances when loved ones have
other instances when loved ones have
other instances when loved ones have been impacted by mental illness when I
been impacted by mental illness when I
been impacted by mental illness when I was 16 my then-boyfriend was arrested on
was 16 my then-boyfriend was arrested on
was 16 my then-boyfriend was arrested on account of a fairly serious crime and
account of a fairly serious crime and
account of a fairly serious crime and given the sensitive ages of high school
given the sensitive ages of high school
given the sensitive ages of high school I wasn’t allowed to see him and
I wasn’t allowed to see him and
I wasn’t allowed to see him and I turned 18 during that time he
I turned 18 during that time he
I turned 18 during that time he developed fairly serious depression with
developed fairly serious depression with
developed fairly serious depression with suicidal ideation and because of mutual
suicidal ideation and because of mutual
suicidal ideation and because of mutual family friends I was actually aware of
family friends I was actually aware of
family friends I was actually aware of this so before I saw him I prepared
this so before I saw him I prepared
this so before I saw him I prepared myself to deal with someone with serious
myself to deal with someone with serious
myself to deal with someone with serious depression but more accurately I
depression but more accurately I
depression but more accurately I prepared myself to deal with what I
prepared myself to deal with what I
prepared myself to deal with what I thought it would look like what I didn’t
thought it would look like what I didn’t
thought it would look like what I didn’t expect was how normal for it to look so
expect was how normal for it to look so
expect was how normal for it to look so many of our first and subsequent
many of our first and subsequent
many of our first and subsequent interactions were almost unsettlingly
interactions were almost unsettlingly
interactions were almost unsettlingly normal because in so many ways Jose was
normal because in so many ways Jose was
normal because in so many ways Jose was still Jose and despite this normalcy
still Jose and despite this normalcy
still Jose and despite this normalcy eventually the dark thoughts of
eventually the dark thoughts of
eventually the dark thoughts of depression and suicide bled through I
depression and suicide bled through I
depression and suicide bled through I quickly realized that a lot of his life
quickly realized that a lot of his life
quickly realized that a lot of his life was put on hold waiting for me and he
was put on hold waiting for me and he
was put on hold waiting for me and he didn’t want to move forward and he
didn’t want to move forward and he
didn’t want to move forward and he didn’t want to move on and I think he
didn’t want to move on and I think he
didn’t want to move on and I think he even put on hold his suicide when we met
even put on hold his suicide when we met
even put on hold his suicide when we met together again he would tell me that a
together again he would tell me that a
together again he would tell me that a lot of the details of how he would do it
lot of the details of how he would do it
lot of the details of how he would do it and how often he thought about it and
and how often he thought about it and
and how often he thought about it and whether or not he intended to place this
whether or not he intended to place this
whether or not he intended to place this burden on me he told me this is what I
burden on me he told me this is what I
burden on me he told me this is what I think about when you’re not around and I
think about when you’re not around and I
think about when you’re not around and I don’t know what I’d do without you
don’t know what I’d do without you
don’t know what I’d do without you and I don’t have a future that’s really
and I don’t have a future that’s really
and I don’t have a future that’s really heavy for an 18 year old to be dealing
heavy for an 18 year old to be dealing
heavy for an 18 year old to be dealing with and unlike my sister who had begun
with and unlike my sister who had begun
with and unlike my sister who had begun moving through the stages of recovery
moving through the stages of recovery
moving through the stages of recovery Holle said didn’t think there was a
Holle said didn’t think there was a
Holle said didn’t think there was a problem with the way that he was
problem with the way that he was
problem with the way that he was thinking so the biggest barrier that I
thinking so the biggest barrier that I
thinking so the biggest barrier that I experienced was learning to help someone
experienced was learning to help someone
experienced was learning to help someone who didn’t want to help themselves at
who didn’t want to help themselves at
who didn’t want to help themselves at this point I’d like to make clear that a
this point I’d like to make clear that a
this point I’d like to make clear that a diagnosis doesn’t necessarily determine
diagnosis doesn’t necessarily determine
diagnosis doesn’t necessarily determine the barriers that you’ll experience so
the barriers that you’ll experience so
the barriers that you’ll experience so I’d like to talk about another story of
I’d like to talk about another story of
I’d like to talk about another story of mine one of my close friends like many
mine one of my close friends like many
mine one of my close friends like many people suffers from anxiety and like
people suffers from anxiety and like
people suffers from anxiety and like Jose depression and if you met her today
Jose depression and if you met her today
Jose depression and if you met her today you wouldn’t even notice she’s one of
you wouldn’t even notice she’s one of
you wouldn’t even notice she’s one of the funniest most hard-working and
the funniest most hard-working and
the funniest most hard-working and ambitious people that I’ve ever met and
ambitious people that I’ve ever met and
ambitious people that I’ve ever met and while I can attest to the fact that
while I can attest to the fact that
while I can attest to the fact that she’s always been this way I can also
she’s always been this way I can also
she’s always been this way I can also attest to the fact that her journey with
attest to the fact that her journey with
attest to the fact that her journey with depression and anxiety has been a
depression and anxiety has been a
depression and anxiety has been a challenging one growing up Lucy and I
challenging one growing up Lucy and I
challenging one growing up Lucy and I used to tell each other everything
used to tell each other everything
used to tell each other everything so was it until many
so was it until many
so was it until many into our relationship when she suddenly
into our relationship when she suddenly
into our relationship when she suddenly told me we need to talk so it was in her
told me we need to talk so it was in her
told me we need to talk so it was in her bedroom on her bed when she started
bedroom on her bed when she started
bedroom on her bed when she started telling me about the kinds of things
telling me about the kinds of things
telling me about the kinds of things that she thought about and at the time I
that she thought about and at the time I
that she thought about and at the time I couldn’t help but think like I already
couldn’t help but think like I already
couldn’t help but think like I already know this we’re best friends the whole
know this we’re best friends the whole
know this we’re best friends the whole point is that we think alike but it was
point is that we think alike but it was
point is that we think alike but it was through tears that she started telling
through tears that she started telling
through tears that she started telling me the reality of her thoughts she told
me the reality of her thoughts she told
me the reality of her thoughts she told me do you ever just drive a car and
me do you ever just drive a car and
me do you ever just drive a car and think about veering it off the road or
think about veering it off the road or
think about veering it off the road or do you ever look at your parents pills
do you ever look at your parents pills
do you ever look at your parents pills and just think about taking all of them
and just think about taking all of them
and just think about taking all of them and I realized that I don’t think like
and I realized that I don’t think like
and I realized that I don’t think like that
that
that in fact in this moment when it was my
in fact in this moment when it was my
in fact in this moment when it was my role to make her feel better I vividly
role to make her feel better I vividly
role to make her feel better I vividly remembered that she asked me if I was
remembered that she asked me if I was
remembered that she asked me if I was okay because despite the depression and
okay because despite the depression and
okay because despite the depression and anxiety Lucy who was still Lucy in the
anxiety Lucy who was still Lucy in the
anxiety Lucy who was still Lucy in the year that followed me and a handful of
year that followed me and a handful of
year that followed me and a handful of other friends were around to see her
other friends were around to see her
other friends were around to see her start treatment start college and get to
start treatment start college and get to
start treatment start college and get to the point where depression and anxiety
the point where depression and anxiety
the point where depression and anxiety no longer ruled her life but in the same
no longer ruled her life but in the same
no longer ruled her life but in the same way that I got to see her recover I was
way that I got to see her recover I was
way that I got to see her recover I was also around to see her relapse and
also around to see her relapse and
also around to see her relapse and that’s what the barriers began when
that’s what the barriers began when
that’s what the barriers began when someone has a history of anxiety and
someone has a history of anxiety and
someone has a history of anxiety and depression the line between healthy
depression the line between healthy
depression the line between healthy stress and pathological distress becomes
stress and pathological distress becomes
stress and pathological distress becomes blurred so the biggest challenge I faced
blurred so the biggest challenge I faced
blurred so the biggest challenge I faced was learning to recognize the signs of
was learning to recognize the signs of
was learning to recognize the signs of relapse and figuring out when it was
relapse and figuring out when it was
relapse and figuring out when it was appropriate for me to step in each of
appropriate for me to step in each of
appropriate for me to step in each of these different experiences impacted me
these different experiences impacted me
these different experiences impacted me in different ways with my sister my
in different ways with my sister my
in different ways with my sister my family and I were going through
family and I were going through
family and I were going through something that not a lot of people have
something that not a lot of people have
something that not a lot of people have experienced in the case of Hosea and
experienced in the case of Hosea and
experienced in the case of Hosea and Lucy despite the fact that they had the
Lucy despite the fact that they had the
Lucy despite the fact that they had the same diagnosis it’s clear that it looked
same diagnosis it’s clear that it looked
same diagnosis it’s clear that it looked different and that the help that they
different and that the help that they
different and that the help that they needed was different depending on where
needed was different depending on where
needed was different depending on where they each were in the journey to
they each were in the journey to
they each were in the journey to recovery the barriers that I faced were
recovery the barriers that I faced were
recovery the barriers that I faced were different with my sister my family
different with my sister my family
different with my sister my family ultimately had to focus a lot on relapse
ultimately had to focus a lot on relapse
ultimately had to focus a lot on relapse and getting her to work through the
and getting her to work through the
and getting her to work through the different stages all over again and we
different stages all over again and we
different stages all over again and we had to learn to be patient and to come
had to learn to be patient and to come
had to learn to be patient and to come to terms with the fact that sometimes
to terms with the fact that sometimes
to terms with the fact that sometimes there’s a limit to how much you can help
there’s a limit to how much you can help
there’s a limit to how much you can help with Hossein
with Hossein
with Hossein I struggle to learn how to help someone
I struggle to learn how to help someone
I struggle to learn how to help someone who didn’t want to help themselves and
who didn’t want to help themselves and
who didn’t want to help themselves and with Lucy I had to learn to recognize
with Lucy I had to learn to recognize
with Lucy I had to learn to recognize these signs of relapse and figure out
these signs of relapse and figure out
these signs of relapse and figure out when it was time to step in in the same
when it was time to step in in the same
when it was time to step in in the same way that these different stages come
way that these different stages come
way that these different stages come with different barriers I’ve also come
with different barriers I’ve also come
with different barriers I’ve also come to learn that they come with different
to learn that they come with different
to learn that they come with different solutions for someone who’s in the pre
solutions for someone who’s in the pre
solutions for someone who’s in the pre contemplation stage I’ve learned that
contemplation stage I’ve learned that
contemplation stage I’ve learned that the best and only thing that you can do
the best and only thing that you can do
the best and only thing that you can do is be there to weigh out the pros and
is be there to weigh out the pros and
is be there to weigh out the pros and cons so that the pros of getting help
cons so that the pros of getting help
cons so that the pros of getting help outweigh the cons and depending on you
outweigh the cons and depending on you
outweigh the cons and depending on you and your loved one you can do this in
and your loved one you can do this in
and your loved one you can do this in different ways be it through
different ways be it through
different ways be it through conversation through books or by
conversation through books or by
conversation through books or by providing online resources in the action
providing online resources in the action
providing online resources in the action stage this is what people most
stage this is what people most
stage this is what people most traditionally think about when it comes
traditionally think about when it comes
traditionally think about when it comes to helping mental illness and it’s
to helping mental illness and it’s
to helping mental illness and it’s things like improved diet improved
things like improved diet improved
things like improved diet improved exercise and meditation and mindfulness
exercise and meditation and mindfulness
exercise and meditation and mindfulness skills and what’s important is that you
skills and what’s important is that you
skills and what’s important is that you can suggest these things and be there to
can suggest these things and be there to
can suggest these things and be there to join them in these activities
join them in these activities
join them in these activities additionally you can provide self-care
additionally you can provide self-care
additionally you can provide self-care tips for when they when they are
tips for when they when they are
tips for when they when they are starting to when they’re starting when
starting to when they’re starting when
starting to when they’re starting when they start to experience setbacks in
they start to experience setbacks in
they start to experience setbacks in their treatment you can ultimately be
their treatment you can ultimately be
their treatment you can ultimately be there to tell them that it’s okay to not
there to tell them that it’s okay to not
there to tell them that it’s okay to not be okay the maintenance stage though it
be okay the maintenance stage though it
be okay the maintenance stage though it is the end goal of recovery you can
is the end goal of recovery you can
is the end goal of recovery you can still be there to help by maintaining
still be there to help by maintaining
still be there to help by maintaining vigilance learning the signs of relapse
vigilance learning the signs of relapse
vigilance learning the signs of relapse and opening a healthy line of
and opening a healthy line of
and opening a healthy line of communication so that you can step in if
communication so that you can step in if
communication so that you can step in if you need to all together I hope that my
you need to all together I hope that my
you need to all together I hope that my experiences and talking about the
experiences and talking about the
experiences and talking about the different spectrum of recovery has given
different spectrum of recovery has given
different spectrum of recovery has given you an idea of how to help with mental
you an idea of how to help with mental
you an idea of how to help with mental illness in my case I’ve used the
illness in my case I’ve used the
illness in my case I’ve used the transtheoretical model to conceptualize
transtheoretical model to conceptualize
transtheoretical model to conceptualize this and while you can – it doesn’t have
this and while you can – it doesn’t have
this and while you can – it doesn’t have to serve as a step-by-step guide there’s
to serve as a step-by-step guide there’s
to serve as a step-by-step guide there’s a common theme to everything that I’ve
a common theme to everything that I’ve
a common theme to everything that I’ve talked about today and that’s education
talked about today and that’s education
talked about today and that’s education something that everyone in here can do
something that everyone in here can do
something that everyone in here can do is educate themselves on their loved one
is educate themselves on their loved one
is educate themselves on their loved one and their condition sure it’s easy to
and their condition sure it’s easy to
and their condition sure it’s easy to provide pros and cons like I mentioned
provide pros and cons like I mentioned
provide pros and cons like I mentioned in the precontemplation stage but you
in the precontemplation stage but you
in the precontemplation stage but you can provide the best most holistic
can provide the best most holistic
can provide the best most holistic advice if you’re better informed on
advice if you’re better informed on
advice if you’re better informed on their condition in the action stage you
their condition in the action stage you
their condition in the action stage you can suggest different activities but you
can suggest different activities but you
can suggest different activities but you can suggest the most productive ones if
can suggest the most productive ones if
can suggest the most productive ones if you best know your loved one and their
you best know your loved one and their
you best know your loved one and their condition all together I really do hope
condition all together I really do hope
condition all together I really do hope that these experiences have given you a
that these experiences have given you a
that these experiences have given you a different perspective of mental health
different perspective of mental health
different perspective of mental health and I hope that moving forward you can
and I hope that moving forward you can
and I hope that moving forward you can feel more confident in helping people in
feel more confident in helping people in
feel more confident in helping people in need thank you
need thank you
need thank you [Applause]
”
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