how many people in the room know someone that’s committed suicide I’d like you to
that’s committed suicide I’d like you to
that’s committed suicide I’d like you to raise your hand with me if you do but
raise your hand with me if you do but
raise your hand with me if you do but keep your hand up and now look around
keep your hand up and now look around
keep your hand up and now look around the room with your hand up suicide is a
the room with your hand up suicide is a
the room with your hand up suicide is a tragedy 50% of us in America knows
tragedy 50% of us in America knows
tragedy 50% of us in America knows someone that’s committed it and like all
someone that’s committed it and like all
someone that’s committed it and like all tragedies it’s a call for action today
tragedies it’s a call for action today
tragedies it’s a call for action today I’d like to tell you a story about the
I’d like to tell you a story about the
I’d like to tell you a story about the loss of two of my friends to suicide and
loss of two of my friends to suicide and
loss of two of my friends to suicide and how that was a starting point for a
how that was a starting point for a
how that was a starting point for a platform that now brings people together
platform that now brings people together
platform that now brings people together over lunch when I first started my PhD
over lunch when I first started my PhD
over lunch when I first started my PhD at MIT about five years ago I had heard
at MIT about five years ago I had heard
at MIT about five years ago I had heard the statistics about campus suicides but
the statistics about campus suicides but
the statistics about campus suicides but you know the interesting thing about
you know the interesting thing about
you know the interesting thing about statistics are that it’s just that
statistics are that it’s just that
statistics are that it’s just that they’re just statistics they don’t mean
they’re just statistics they don’t mean
they’re just statistics they don’t mean anything until they touch you in a
anything until they touch you in a
anything until they touch you in a personal way so two years into my PhD
personal way so two years into my PhD
personal way so two years into my PhD approximately a friend of mine made the
approximately a friend of mine made the
approximately a friend of mine made the unfortunate decision to take his own
unfortunate decision to take his own
unfortunate decision to take his own life
life
life and I remember when I first heard the
and I remember when I first heard the
and I remember when I first heard the news I was really shocked by it I
news I was really shocked by it I
news I was really shocked by it I thought why would somebody who is
thought why would somebody who is
thought why would somebody who is getting this prestigious degree he’s so
getting this prestigious degree he’s so
getting this prestigious degree he’s so close to graduation and he’s his whole
close to graduation and he’s his whole
close to graduation and he’s his whole life in front of him make a decision to
life in front of him make a decision to
life in front of him make a decision to end it all
end it all
end it all why but then you know that feeling of
why but then you know that feeling of
why but then you know that feeling of shock made a quick change when I learned
shock made a quick change when I learned
shock made a quick change when I learned that if he had been found just a few
that if he had been found just a few
that if he had been found just a few minutes sooner he could have been
minutes sooner he could have been
minutes sooner he could have been resuscitated and brought back he might
resuscitated and brought back he might
resuscitated and brought back he might be here in the audience today sitting
be here in the audience today sitting
be here in the audience today sitting with you I started to ask myself what
with you I started to ask myself what
with you I started to ask myself what part did I play in this or not plan this
part did I play in this or not plan this
part did I play in this or not plan this maybe if I had when I passed him in the
maybe if I had when I passed him in the
maybe if I had when I passed him in the hallway earlier that week said a couple
hallway earlier that week said a couple
hallway earlier that week said a couple words or invited him out for dinner
words or invited him out for dinner
words or invited him out for dinner maybe the course of destiny would have
maybe the course of destiny would have
maybe the course of destiny would have been different
been different
been different maybe I could have been that one person
maybe I could have been that one person
maybe I could have been that one person that altered his destiny suicide is a
that altered his destiny suicide is a
that altered his destiny suicide is a tragedy and like all tragedies we learn
tragedy and like all tragedies we learn
tragedy and like all tragedies we learn to accept it as time goes on and as I
to accept it as time goes on and as I
to accept it as time goes on and as I was coming to terms with the loss of
was coming to terms with the loss of
was coming to terms with the loss of this first friend I was hit by the loss
this first friend I was hit by the loss
this first friend I was hit by the loss of another and this time it was much
of another and this time it was much
of another and this time it was much closer to home this time it was a
closer to home this time it was a
closer to home this time it was a childhood friend someone I knew for 15
childhood friend someone I knew for 15
childhood friend someone I knew for 15 years I grew up with this person riding
years I grew up with this person riding
years I grew up with this person riding bikes down the street digging for
bikes down the street digging for
bikes down the street digging for fossils and desert Lots all the things
fossils and desert Lots all the things
fossils and desert Lots all the things that kids do and you know help at least
that kids do and you know help at least
that kids do and you know help at least in New Mexico did anybody hear the news
in New Mexico did anybody hear the news
in New Mexico did anybody hear the news about the fossil that was found yeah in
about the fossil that was found yeah in
about the fossil that was found yeah in all seriousness though when this friend
all seriousness though when this friend
all seriousness though when this friend of mine made the decision to take her
of mine made the decision to take her
of mine made the decision to take her life that half life on the shock to
life that half life on the shock to
life that half life on the shock to regret it was very very quick to just
regret it was very very quick to just
regret it was very very quick to just become a sensation of regrets I asked
become a sensation of regrets I asked
become a sensation of regrets I asked myself you know in the time that we had
myself you know in the time that we had
myself you know in the time that we had both kind of moved away and started to
both kind of moved away and started to
both kind of moved away and started to live our own lives and had drifted apart
live our own lives and had drifted apart
live our own lives and had drifted apart maybe I played a role in that maybe if I
maybe I played a role in that maybe if I
maybe I played a role in that maybe if I would have been in better touch destiny
would have been in better touch destiny
would have been in better touch destiny would have turned out different maybe I
would have turned out different maybe I
would have turned out different maybe I did have some role to play in this
did have some role to play in this
did have some role to play in this because one person really can change
because one person really can change
because one person really can change destiny and this set of back-to-back
destiny and this set of back-to-back
destiny and this set of back-to-back suicides really did have an impact on me
suicides really did have an impact on me
suicides really did have an impact on me it does till today I started wondering
it does till today I started wondering
it does till today I started wondering how as a society did we get to a point
how as a society did we get to a point
how as a society did we get to a point where suicide is the second leading
where suicide is the second leading
where suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people and
cause of death among young people and
cause of death among young people and why does year after year the number and
why does year after year the number and
why does year after year the number and the incidents continue to rise I’m not
the incidents continue to rise I’m not
the incidents continue to rise I’m not going to sit here and pretend I know the
going to sit here and pretend I know the
going to sit here and pretend I know the answer to that question I’m not educated
answer to that question I’m not educated
answer to that question I’m not educated enough or I don’t research this enough
enough or I don’t research this enough
enough or I don’t research this enough to give you a complete answer what I can
to give you a complete answer what I can
to give you a complete answer what I can tell you though is that social isolation
tell you though is that social isolation
tell you though is that social isolation is part of the problem it’s really
is part of the problem it’s really
is part of the problem it’s really unprecedented isn’t it you know this
unprecedented isn’t it you know this
unprecedented isn’t it you know this device that sits in our pocket or
device that sits in our pocket or
device that sits in our pocket or whatever version of this that sits in
whatever version of this that sits in
whatever version of this that sits in your pockets it’s facilitated
your pockets it’s facilitated
your pockets it’s facilitated communication that’s historically
communication that’s historically
communication that’s historically unprecedented you can pick up your
unprecedented you can pick up your
unprecedented you can pick up your telephone and speak to another person on
telephone and speak to another person on
telephone and speak to another person on the
the
the other side of the planet live and almost
other side of the planet live and almost
other side of the planet live and almost for free in all cases but somehow in the
for free in all cases but somehow in the
for free in all cases but somehow in the increasing of the bandwidth of
increasing of the bandwidth of
increasing of the bandwidth of communication there’s this growing sense
communication there’s this growing sense
communication there’s this growing sense that we’ve sacrificed something about
that we’ve sacrificed something about
that we’ve sacrificed something about what communication was supposed to
what communication was supposed to
what communication was supposed to facilitate in the first place which was
facilitate in the first place which was
facilitate in the first place which was that genuine connection with the other
that genuine connection with the other
that genuine connection with the other person the quantity and the quality has
person the quantity and the quality has
person the quantity and the quality has somehow become unbalanced you know an
somehow become unbalanced you know an
somehow become unbalanced you know an average person spends about two hours a
average person spends about two hours a
average person spends about two hours a day on social media but half of us eat
day on social media but half of us eat
day on social media but half of us eat our lunch alone on any given day it’s a
our lunch alone on any given day it’s a
our lunch alone on any given day it’s a paradox I’m guilty of going and crawling
paradox I’m guilty of going and crawling
paradox I’m guilty of going and crawling LinkedIn saying oh I’m gonna find that
LinkedIn saying oh I’m gonna find that
LinkedIn saying oh I’m gonna find that next connection it’s gonna really
next connection it’s gonna really
next connection it’s gonna really revolutionize my career but then I don’t
revolutionize my career but then I don’t
revolutionize my career but then I don’t know anyone who works in my floor of my
know anyone who works in my floor of my
know anyone who works in my floor of my workplace it’s crazy isn’t it it’s
workplace it’s crazy isn’t it it’s
workplace it’s crazy isn’t it it’s really crazy so you know I was thinking
really crazy so you know I was thinking
really crazy so you know I was thinking about this paradox and I decided to
about this paradox and I decided to
about this paradox and I decided to confide in a friend of mine and a
confide in a friend of mine and a
confide in a friend of mine and a colleague to Cal Hana who’s actually
colleague to Cal Hana who’s actually
colleague to Cal Hana who’s actually here in the audience today and touka
here in the audience today and touka
here in the audience today and touka said to me well this is great that
said to me well this is great that
said to me well this is great that you’ve found out all these great
you’ve found out all these great
you’ve found out all these great statistics but again it’s just
statistics but again it’s just
statistics but again it’s just statistics what are you going to do
statistics what are you going to do
statistics what are you going to do about it and what we did about it over
about it and what we did about it over
about it and what we did about it over the next two years was a platform called
the next two years was a platform called
the next two years was a platform called connect the idea of connect is very very
connect the idea of connect is very very
connect the idea of connect is very very simple you tell us who you are when you
simple you tell us who you are when you
simple you tell us who you are when you free what you’d like to eat and we tell
free what you’d like to eat and we tell
free what you’d like to eat and we tell you who to meet when to meet and where
you who to meet when to meet and where
you who to meet when to meet and where the point of connect was to not increase
the point of connect was to not increase
the point of connect was to not increase your face to screen time increase your
your face to screen time increase your
your face to screen time increase your face-to-face time with other people all
face-to-face time with other people all
face-to-face time with other people all the interactions are one-on-one they’re
the interactions are one-on-one they’re
the interactions are one-on-one they’re platonic they’re in person and if you’re
platonic they’re in person and if you’re
platonic they’re in person and if you’re at a university campus we even pay for
at a university campus we even pay for
at a university campus we even pay for your lunch so you can quote me on this
your lunch so you can quote me on this
your lunch so you can quote me on this there is actually such a thing as a free
there is actually such a thing as a free
there is actually such a thing as a free lunch
Connect is not intended to be the next
Connect is not intended to be the next Facebook it is not currently the next
Facebook it is not currently the next
Facebook it is not currently the next Facebook there are no profile pictures
Facebook there are no profile pictures
Facebook there are no profile pictures there’s no chat
there’s no chat
there’s no chat there’s no advertisements you’re not
there’s no advertisements you’re not
there’s no advertisements you’re not going to know if the person you meet
going to know if the person you meet
going to know if the person you meet wears a headscarf how old they are what
wears a headscarf how old they are what
wears a headscarf how old they are what their racial background is not until you
their racial background is not until you
their racial background is not until you meet them one-on-one
meet them one-on-one
meet them one-on-one in-person and face-to-face over the last
in-person and face-to-face over the last
in-person and face-to-face over the last couple years Connect has facilitated
couple years Connect has facilitated
couple years Connect has facilitated 7,000 connections both in the Boston
7,000 connections both in the Boston
7,000 connections both in the Boston area and outside it’s really blown my
area and outside it’s really blown my
area and outside it’s really blown my mind I didn’t expect when we built this
mind I didn’t expect when we built this
mind I didn’t expect when we built this that it would this would have happened
that it would this would have happened
that it would this would have happened 90% of the users enjoy their experience
90% of the users enjoy their experience
90% of the users enjoy their experience and 50% of the users have made a lasting
and 50% of the users have made a lasting
and 50% of the users have made a lasting friend you remember what I said earlier
friend you remember what I said earlier
friend you remember what I said earlier though 50% of us eat lunch alone what a
though 50% of us eat lunch alone what a
though 50% of us eat lunch alone what a lucky coincidence that is right
lucky coincidence that is right
lucky coincidence that is right it’s really was it was something
it’s really was it was something
it’s really was it was something beautiful when we first saw that but
beautiful when we first saw that but
beautiful when we first saw that but again what am i doing I’m just quoting
again what am i doing I’m just quoting
again what am i doing I’m just quoting statistics right it doesn’t mean
statistics right it doesn’t mean
statistics right it doesn’t mean anything until it touches you personally
anything until it touches you personally
anything until it touches you personally and just two months ago the outcome of
and just two months ago the outcome of
and just two months ago the outcome of all this work did touch me personally
all this work did touch me personally
all this work did touch me personally when just one guy who had used the
when just one guy who had used the
when just one guy who had used the platform completely unprovoked sent me
platform completely unprovoked sent me
platform completely unprovoked sent me and touka a very simple email he just
and touka a very simple email he just
and touka a very simple email he just said hi there I want to say that this
said hi there I want to say that this
said hi there I want to say that this platform was responsible for some of my
platform was responsible for some of my
platform was responsible for some of my best memories at MIT
best memories at MIT
best memories at MIT thank you and I have to say as somebody
thank you and I have to say as somebody
thank you and I have to say as somebody who is fortunate to attend an
who is fortunate to attend an
who is fortunate to attend an institution that really has accelerated
institution that really has accelerated
institution that really has accelerated my own academic progress that email felt
my own academic progress that email felt
my own academic progress that email felt better than many of the things I’ve ever
better than many of the things I’ve ever
better than many of the things I’ve ever done at MIT as an academic even the
done at MIT as an academic even the
done at MIT as an academic even the growth of connect is the story of how
growth of connect is the story of how
growth of connect is the story of how one person chose to make a difference
one person chose to make a difference
one person chose to make a difference initially it was just going to be a
initially it was just going to be a
initially it was just going to be a platform that sat at MIT and it did good
platform that sat at MIT and it did good
platform that sat at MIT and it did good things at MIT and we were gonna leave it
things at MIT and we were gonna leave it
things at MIT and we were gonna leave it like that but then another member of the
like that but then another member of the
like that but then another member of the audience who’s here today hediye from
audience who’s here today hediye from
audience who’s here today hediye from the university of toledo decided she
the university of toledo decided she
the university of toledo decided she wanted to send an email and said hey
wanted to send an email and said hey
wanted to send an email and said hey this would be great at my school and
this would be great at my school and
this would be great at my school and just like that
just like that
just like that destiny was altered and we’ve since
destiny was altered and we’ve since
destiny was altered and we’ve since configured Connect so that now anyone
configured Connect so that now anyone
configured Connect so that now anyone can email us and say I want this at my
can email us and say I want this at my
can email us and say I want this at my school and we can at the turn of a key
school and we can at the turn of a key
school and we can at the turn of a key launched it and if you’re one of those
launched it and if you’re one of those
launched it and if you’re one of those people I can’t wait to hear from you the
people I can’t wait to hear from you the
people I can’t wait to hear from you the future of Connect is not just something
future of Connect is not just something
future of Connect is not just something to be contained within the walls of
to be contained within the walls of
to be contained within the walls of academia we believe that it can solve
academia we believe that it can solve
academia we believe that it can solve problems of social isolation among the
problems of social isolation among the
problems of social isolation among the elderly or at least play a part in that
elderly or at least play a part in that
elderly or at least play a part in that process and we think that the issue I
process and we think that the issue I
process and we think that the issue I brought up about workplaces you don’t
brought up about workplaces you don’t
brought up about workplaces you don’t know anyone who works in your office
know anyone who works in your office
know anyone who works in your office space it could play a part in solving
space it could play a part in solving
space it could play a part in solving that problem too
that problem too
that problem too but I want to make something very clear
but I want to make something very clear
but I want to make something very clear connect it’s not a panacea it’s not
connect it’s not a panacea it’s not
connect it’s not a panacea it’s not going to solve every problem that has to
going to solve every problem that has to
going to solve every problem that has to do with our lack of connectedness what
do with our lack of connectedness what
do with our lack of connectedness what it is is it’s one piece and a mosaic of
it is is it’s one piece and a mosaic of
it is is it’s one piece and a mosaic of things that we can do to be better
things that we can do to be better
things that we can do to be better connected as people another one of those
connected as people another one of those
connected as people another one of those things that we can do is something that
things that we can do is something that
things that we can do is something that I’m going to ask every single one of you
I’m going to ask every single one of you
I’m going to ask every single one of you in the audience to do today keep your
in the audience to do today keep your
in the audience to do today keep your heart and your mind open today here at
heart and your mind open today here at
heart and your mind open today here at the TEDx session to the opportunity of
the TEDx session to the opportunity of
the TEDx session to the opportunity of making a new friend because you really
making a new friend because you really
making a new friend because you really never know you could be that one person
never know you could be that one person
never know you could be that one person that changes someone destiny or you
that changes someone destiny or you
that changes someone destiny or you could meet that one person that changes
could meet that one person that changes
could meet that one person that changes yours thank you
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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