this is Len this photo was taken in 1925 on a school fancy-dress day I’m not
on a school fancy-dress day I’m not
on a school fancy-dress day I’m not entirely sure what he was dressed up as
entirely sure what he was dressed up as
entirely sure what he was dressed up as but I suspect it was a good excuse to
but I suspect it was a good excuse to
but I suspect it was a good excuse to bring his pet parrot into school and
bring his pet parrot into school and
bring his pet parrot into school and cause a little bit of chaos so I just
cause a little bit of chaos so I just
cause a little bit of chaos so I just want to share a little bit of lenss
want to share a little bit of lenss
want to share a little bit of lenss story with you to begin with Len had a
story with you to begin with Len had a
story with you to begin with Len had a happy childhood he grew up in Hampshire
happy childhood he grew up in Hampshire
happy childhood he grew up in Hampshire but as a young man war broke out and age
but as a young man war broke out and age
but as a young man war broke out and age 21 he signed up to the Merchant Navy as
21 he signed up to the Merchant Navy as
21 he signed up to the Merchant Navy as an electrician he travelled the world
an electrician he travelled the world
an electrician he travelled the world obviously not in ideal circumstances but
obviously not in ideal circumstances but
obviously not in ideal circumstances but the silver lining was that along the way
the silver lining was that along the way
the silver lining was that along the way he met Barbara they fell in love and
he met Barbara they fell in love and
he met Barbara they fell in love and during a period of leave during the war
during a period of leave during the war
during a period of leave during the war they got married then happily survived
they got married then happily survived
they got married then happily survived the war and when he got back he and
the war and when he got back he and
the war and when he got back he and Barbara had two kids we got Steve there
Barbara had two kids we got Steve there
Barbara had two kids we got Steve there on the motorbike he was born in 1947 and
on the motorbike he was born in 1947 and
on the motorbike he was born in 1947 and a few years later his brother Bill came
a few years later his brother Bill came
a few years later his brother Bill came along sadly though soon after this photo
along sadly though soon after this photo
along sadly though soon after this photo was taken and Barbara was diagnosed with
was taken and Barbara was diagnosed with
was taken and Barbara was diagnosed with a degenerative illness things went
a degenerative illness things went
a degenerative illness things went downhill fairly quickly and about a year
downhill fairly quickly and about a year
downhill fairly quickly and about a year off this photos taken she passed away he
off this photos taken she passed away he
off this photos taken she passed away he left Len as a single dad to two grieving
left Len as a single dad to two grieving
left Len as a single dad to two grieving young boys needing to strike the balance
young boys needing to strike the balance
young boys needing to strike the balance of winning the bread with also bringing
of winning the bread with also bringing
of winning the bread with also bringing them up this was the 1950s and the role
them up this was the 1950s and the role
them up this was the 1950s and the role of child care was simply not the man’s
of child care was simply not the man’s
of child care was simply not the man’s responsibility and particularly not an
responsibility and particularly not an
responsibility and particularly not an electrician of limited means living on a
electrician of limited means living on a
electrician of limited means living on a council estate Len faced some strong
council estate Len faced some strong
council estate Len faced some strong pressure from society from friends from
pressure from society from friends from
pressure from society from friends from Family to the ship the boys off to
Family to the ship the boys off to
Family to the ship the boys off to boarding school or to farm them off to
boarding school or to farm them off to
boarding school or to farm them off to other members of the family but he made
other members of the family but he made
other members of the family but he made the bold decision and in some ways the
the bold decision and in some ways the
the bold decision and in some ways the remarkable decision that the best thing
remarkable decision that the best thing
remarkable decision that the best thing that he could do for them was with the
that he could do for them was with the
that he could do for them was with the love and support people around him
love and support people around him
love and support people around him raised them himself and that’s exactly
raised them himself and that’s exactly
raised them himself and that’s exactly what he did here’s the three of them
what he did here’s the three of them
what he did here’s the three of them away on holiday and as they grew older
away on holiday and as they grew older
away on holiday and as they grew older Steve was able to take more
Steve was able to take more
Steve was able to take more responsibility for his younger brother
responsibility for his younger brother
responsibility for his younger brother and in effect they grew up as three
and in effect they grew up as three
and in effect they grew up as three brothers with an incredibly strong bond
brothers with an incredibly strong bond
brothers with an incredibly strong bond Len was a remarkable man I need to do
Len was a remarkable man I need to do
Len was a remarkable man I need to do great job with them you may have guests
great job with them you may have guests
great job with them you may have guests but Len is my granddad and Steve is my
but Len is my granddad and Steve is my
but Len is my granddad and Steve is my dad and that’s me in the middle as you
dad and that’s me in the middle as you
dad and that’s me in the middle as you probably recognize and I’ve been
probably recognize and I’ve been
probably recognize and I’ve been fortunate to have incredible fathering
fortunate to have incredible fathering
fortunate to have incredible fathering role models in my own life
role models in my own life
role models in my own life so Steve my dad has caught on so much of
so Steve my dad has caught on so much of
so Steve my dad has caught on so much of that stuff from his dad the love the
that stuff from his dad the love the
that stuff from his dad the love the care the attention he’s always been
care the attention he’s always been
care the attention he’s always been there for me I’ve learnt so so much from
there for me I’ve learnt so so much from
there for me I’ve learnt so so much from them and I feel incredibly fortunate
them and I feel incredibly fortunate
them and I feel incredibly fortunate fast forward to 2014 and it’s my turn to
fast forward to 2014 and it’s my turn to
fast forward to 2014 and it’s my turn to become a dad so this is me and my wife
become a dad so this is me and my wife
become a dad so this is me and my wife on the day that my son was born when I
on the day that my son was born when I
on the day that my son was born when I wrote this talk I wrote this is the
wrote this talk I wrote this is the
wrote this talk I wrote this is the happiest proudest day of my life which
happiest proudest day of my life which
happiest proudest day of my life which it still is but it’s now the joint
it still is but it’s now the joint
it still is but it’s now the joint because as of Monday
because as of Monday
because as of Monday my wife had a little baby daughter so
my wife had a little baby daughter so
my wife had a little baby daughter so it’s now thanks I didn’t actually do
it’s now thanks I didn’t actually do
it’s now thanks I didn’t actually do much to be honest but just a few seconds
and this is us on the day he was born it
and this is us on the day he was born it was an amazing day we had him at home
was an amazing day we had him at home
was an amazing day we had him at home this is yeah so we see on tonight
this is yeah so we see on tonight
this is yeah so we see on tonight remember this moment feeling over one
remember this moment feeling over one
remember this moment feeling over one with love with joy with relief my wife
with love with joy with relief my wife
with love with joy with relief my wife had been in labor for nearly two days it
had been in labor for nearly two days it
had been in labor for nearly two days it would been so intense but we’d got there
would been so intense but we’d got there
would been so intense but we’d got there and our son was born a couple of minutes
and our son was born a couple of minutes
and our son was born a couple of minutes or a few minutes after this photo was
or a few minutes after this photo was
or a few minutes after this photo was taken the Midwife had to give my wife a
taken the Midwife had to give my wife a
taken the Midwife had to give my wife a couple of stitches my son got passed to
couple of stitches my son got passed to
couple of stitches my son got passed to me as I was a holding myself for the
me as I was a holding myself for the
me as I was a holding myself for the first time and I remember looking down
first time and I remember looking down
first time and I remember looking down at him and just it was incredible
at him and just it was incredible
at him and just it was incredible the Midwife said you can put a nappy on
the Midwife said you can put a nappy on
the Midwife said you can put a nappy on him and I thought yeah I’ve done a nappy
him and I thought yeah I’ve done a nappy
him and I thought yeah I’ve done a nappy before this is going to be okay I can do
before this is going to be okay I can do
before this is going to be okay I can do that so I managed to just about get the
that so I managed to just about get the
that so I managed to just about get the nappy on I put it all through and
nappy on I put it all through and
nappy on I put it all through and managed to put that together and he said
managed to put that together and he said
managed to put that together and he said I was gonna get cold you know before too
I was gonna get cold you know before too
I was gonna get cold you know before too long so we should wrap him up he put
long so we should wrap him up he put
long so we should wrap him up he put baby grow on him yeah yeah I think so so
baby grow on him yeah yeah I think so so
baby grow on him yeah yeah I think so so took the baby grow and literally I
took the baby grow and literally I
took the baby grow and literally I couldn’t do it it was like this
couldn’t do it it was like this
couldn’t do it it was like this unfathomable puzzle someone had given me
unfathomable puzzle someone had given me
unfathomable puzzle someone had given me and I was putting his legs where the
and I was putting his legs where the
and I was putting his legs where the arms go and the arms where the legs go
arms go and the arms where the legs go
arms go and the arms where the legs go and the head was in the wrong place and
and the head was in the wrong place and
and the head was in the wrong place and all that stuff and I don’t know if the
all that stuff and I don’t know if the
all that stuff and I don’t know if the sleep deprivation of what I just
sleep deprivation of what I just
sleep deprivation of what I just couldn’t do it
couldn’t do it
couldn’t do it the Midwife came across with a nice
the Midwife came across with a nice
the Midwife came across with a nice knowing look and said do you want some
knowing look and said do you want some
knowing look and said do you want some help with that I can I can help you with
help with that I can I can help you with
help with that I can I can help you with that and she put the baby groan my son
that and she put the baby groan my son
that and she put the baby groan my son showed me how to do it put it on hand
showed me how to do it put it on hand
showed me how to do it put it on hand him back to me and that was the first
him back to me and that was the first
him back to me and that was the first moment in my parenting life about half
moment in my parenting life about half
moment in my parenting life about half an hour in where I realized I really
an hour in where I realized I really
an hour in where I realized I really really didn’t know some of the stuff
really didn’t know some of the stuff
really didn’t know some of the stuff that I needed to know that happens to me
that I needed to know that happens to me
that I needed to know that happens to me on a regular basis as a parent but that
on a regular basis as a parent but that
on a regular basis as a parent but that was the first moment things were however
was the first moment things were however
was the first moment things were however about to get a little bit worse kind of
about to get a little bit worse kind of
about to get a little bit worse kind of very shortly after that with my notice
very shortly after that with my notice
very shortly after that with my notice some irregularities in my son’s
some irregularities in my son’s
some irregularities in my son’s breathing and my wife also collapsed a
breathing and my wife also collapsed a
breathing and my wife also collapsed a couple of times for good measure
couple of times for good measure
couple of times for good measure we were blue lights Hospital an
we were blue lights Hospital an
we were blue lights Hospital an ambulance rushed down there I remember
ambulance rushed down there I remember
ambulance rushed down there I remember walking my wife was in a stretcher I
walking my wife was in a stretcher I
walking my wife was in a stretcher I walked down through these corridors
walked down through these corridors
walked down through these corridors fired a doctor put my son on a table an
fired a doctor put my son on a table an
fired a doctor put my son on a table an army of consultants and doctors came
army of consultants and doctors came
army of consultants and doctors came around him with tubes wires pipes all
around him with tubes wires pipes all
around him with tubes wires pipes all sorts putting things down his throat and
sorts putting things down his throat and
sorts putting things down his throat and I just stood back there my wife was
I just stood back there my wife was
I just stood back there my wife was wheeled in a couple of minutes later
wheeled in a couple of minutes later
wheeled in a couple of minutes later semi-conscious and you know I was in
semi-conscious and you know I was in
semi-conscious and you know I was in deep here I didn’t know what was
deep here I didn’t know what was
deep here I didn’t know what was happening I was scared and yeah
happening I was scared and yeah
happening I was scared and yeah basically and my son did have a problem
basically and my son did have a problem
basically and my son did have a problem happily everything was sort of sorted
happily everything was sort of sorted
happily everything was sort of sorted out that this is the next
out that this is the next
out that this is the next is my wife in a luxury hospital padded
is my wife in a luxury hospital padded
is my wife in a luxury hospital padded wheelchair my son in intensive care but
wheelchair my son in intensive care but
wheelchair my son in intensive care but those first few days of parenthood it
those first few days of parenthood it
those first few days of parenthood it was all on me and really because my wife
was all on me and really because my wife
was all on me and really because my wife is somewhere I had to do a lot of stuff
is somewhere I had to do a lot of stuff
is somewhere I had to do a lot of stuff I didn’t know when we’re in the hospital
I didn’t know when we’re in the hospital
I didn’t know when we’re in the hospital we received the most incredible care and
we received the most incredible care and
we received the most incredible care and attention and they showed me how to put
attention and they showed me how to put
attention and they showed me how to put on a baby grow which I happily learned
on a baby grow which I happily learned
on a baby grow which I happily learned they also showed me how to do everything
they also showed me how to do everything
they also showed me how to do everything that I could possibly know burping
that I could possibly know burping
that I could possibly know burping bathing how to feed how to support my
bathing how to feed how to support my
bathing how to feed how to support my work with breastfeeding it was
work with breastfeeding it was
work with breastfeeding it was incredible and after a few days my son
incredible and after a few days my son
incredible and after a few days my son game came down from intensive care up to
game came down from intensive care up to
game came down from intensive care up to hold him again which was lovely and but
hold him again which was lovely and but
hold him again which was lovely and but I’d learnt so much from these midwives
I’d learnt so much from these midwives
I’d learnt so much from these midwives and I basically thought wouldn’t it be
and I basically thought wouldn’t it be
and I basically thought wouldn’t it be amazing if everyone every dad every
amazing if everyone every dad every
amazing if everyone every dad every parent had the opportunity to learn this
parent had the opportunity to learn this
parent had the opportunity to learn this stuff because no one teaches it to you I
stuff because no one teaches it to you I
stuff because no one teaches it to you I like kind of pop I thought you know I
like kind of pop I thought you know I
like kind of pop I thought you know I was fairly busy with other things and
was fairly busy with other things and
was fairly busy with other things and didn’t know if I’d ever come back to it
didn’t know if I’d ever come back to it
didn’t know if I’d ever come back to it never really thought I would we left
never really thought I would we left
never really thought I would we left hospital after about a week and this is
hospital after about a week and this is
hospital after about a week and this is me with my son more recently in happy
me with my son more recently in happy
me with my son more recently in happy parenting Mohit in a good moment and
parenting Mohit in a good moment and
parenting Mohit in a good moment and I’ve got to say I’ve had just an amazing
I’ve got to say I’ve had just an amazing
I’ve got to say I’ve had just an amazing set of circumstances that have allowed
set of circumstances that have allowed
set of circumstances that have allowed me to be the kind of dad that I’d like
me to be the kind of dad that I’d like
me to be the kind of dad that I’d like to be so I had a community of peers
to be so I had a community of peers
to be so I had a community of peers around me who I could lean on and look
around me who I could lean on and look
around me who I could lean on and look for to for support dads around me who
for to for support dads around me who
for to for support dads around me who were kind of a head down the path who
were kind of a head down the path who
were kind of a head down the path who had been there and done it who I could
had been there and done it who I could
had been there and done it who I could ask questions of and who could grow with
ask questions of and who could grow with
ask questions of and who could grow with me and helped me grow as a parent I’d
me and helped me grow as a parent I’d
me and helped me grow as a parent I’d had this input and teaching that I
had this input and teaching that I
had this input and teaching that I talked about and also had the
talked about and also had the
talked about and also had the opportunity in the time to grow skills
opportunity in the time to grow skills
opportunity in the time to grow skills and confidence and kind of grow into
and confidence and kind of grow into
and confidence and kind of grow into that role as a dad now along the way I
that role as a dad now along the way I
that role as a dad now along the way I also met I’ve met a number of dads who
also met I’ve met a number of dads who
also met I’ve met a number of dads who didn’t have this stuff or one of these
didn’t have this stuff or one of these
didn’t have this stuff or one of these things were a number of these things
things were a number of these things
things were a number of these things perhaps they’re struggling with their
perhaps they’re struggling with their
perhaps they’re struggling with their confidence perhaps they don’t have those
confidence perhaps they don’t have those
confidence perhaps they don’t have those skills perhaps they’ve got a difficult
skills perhaps they’ve got a difficult
skills perhaps they’ve got a difficult relationship perhaps they haven’t got a
relationship perhaps they haven’t got a
relationship perhaps they haven’t got a support network or the role models like
support network or the role models like
support network or the role models like I was fortunate enough to have was
I was fortunate enough to have was
I was fortunate enough to have was struggling in all kinds of ways I also
struggling in all kinds of ways I also
struggling in all kinds of ways I also met dads who had been let down kind of
met dads who had been let down kind of
met dads who had been let down kind of by the system so to speak so I remember
by the system so to speak so I remember
by the system so to speak so I remember meeting one day when we were in hospital
meeting one day when we were in hospital
meeting one day when we were in hospital he’d been through a long labor with his
he’d been through a long labor with his
he’d been through a long labor with his wife as well and she’d end up having a
wife as well and she’d end up having a
wife as well and she’d end up having a c-section and he basically about a few
c-section and he basically about a few
c-section and he basically about a few hours after his daughter was born
hours after his daughter was born
hours after his daughter was born haven’t been through a super-intense
haven’t been through a super-intense
haven’t been through a super-intense experience he was sent home from the
experience he was sent home from the
experience he was sent home from the hospital because it wasn’t visiting
hospital because it wasn’t visiting
hospital because it wasn’t visiting hours and he wasn’t allowed to stay
hours and he wasn’t allowed to stay
hours and he wasn’t allowed to stay there so after
there so after
there so after this time when he should be building
this time when he should be building
this time when he should be building bonds with his family she’ll be making
bonds with his family she’ll be making
bonds with his family she’ll be making lifelong memories he was off in this
lifelong memories he was off in this
lifelong memories he was off in this flat on his own and the message that you
flat on his own and the message that you
flat on his own and the message that you got wasn’t needed he wasn’t important
got wasn’t needed he wasn’t important
got wasn’t needed he wasn’t important now the maternity departments would love
now the maternity departments would love
now the maternity departments would love it to be different of course they have
it to be different of course they have
it to be different of course they have limited resources but there’s so many
limited resources but there’s so many
limited resources but there’s so many stories of that of dads getting those
stories of that of dads getting those
stories of that of dads getting those kind of wrong messages you know daddy
kind of wrong messages you know daddy
kind of wrong messages you know daddy day care all that stuff those messages
day care all that stuff those messages
day care all that stuff those messages really get through so there was there
really get through so there was there
really get through so there was there was the societal stuff there was the
was the societal stuff there was the
was the societal stuff there was the kind of dads I’d met and then I started
kind of dads I’d met and then I started
kind of dads I’d met and then I started digging into some statistics and I found
digging into some statistics and I found
digging into some statistics and I found actually the statistics really bear this
actually the statistics really bear this
actually the statistics really bear this out so men who are more involved in
out so men who are more involved in
out so men who are more involved in their child’s life their partner is much
their child’s life their partner is much
their child’s life their partner is much more likely to have a better career have
more likely to have a better career have
more likely to have a better career have better mental health and well-being and
better mental health and well-being and
better mental health and well-being and is less likely to be discriminated
is less likely to be discriminated
is less likely to be discriminated against when it comes to pay which is
against when it comes to pay which is
against when it comes to pay which is all great stuff equally the kids if a
all great stuff equally the kids if a
all great stuff equally the kids if a kid has a dad they’re much more likely
kid has a dad they’re much more likely
kid has a dad they’re much more likely to in effect get on better in life so
to in effect get on better in life so
to in effect get on better in life so children who grow up fatherless and much
children who grow up fatherless and much
children who grow up fatherless and much more likely to have behavioral
more likely to have behavioral
more likely to have behavioral difficulties they’re much more likely to
difficulties they’re much more likely to
difficulties they’re much more likely to have emotional emotional difficulties
have emotional emotional difficulties
have emotional emotional difficulties later in life all the stuff that comes
later in life all the stuff that comes
later in life all the stuff that comes with that as well of course more likely
with that as well of course more likely
with that as well of course more likely to commit crime more likely to drop out
to commit crime more likely to drop out
to commit crime more likely to drop out of school early all that list and that’s
of school early all that list and that’s
of school early all that list and that’s totally borne out in my experience so I
totally borne out in my experience so I
totally borne out in my experience so I used to be youth worker I’ve met
used to be youth worker I’ve met
used to be youth worker I’ve met countless children and young people from
countless children and young people from
countless children and young people from Brighton who have suffered because of
Brighton who have suffered because of
Brighton who have suffered because of poor or absent parents and if I’m honest
poor or absent parents and if I’m honest
poor or absent parents and if I’m honest particularly dads have been kind of
particularly dads have been kind of
particularly dads have been kind of guilty of that so we invest all this
guilty of that so we invest all this
guilty of that so we invest all this money in in kind of trying to remedy the
money in in kind of trying to remedy the
money in in kind of trying to remedy the effects of poor parenting but how much
effects of poor parenting but how much
effects of poor parenting but how much do we actually invest in the parents
do we actually invest in the parents
do we actually invest in the parents themselves especially in those crucial
themselves especially in those crucial
themselves especially in those crucial early days and finally I realized it
early days and finally I realized it
early days and finally I realized it would also have a super positive effect
would also have a super positive effect
would also have a super positive effect on the men to do this stuff I read a
on the men to do this stuff I read a
on the men to do this stuff I read a survey over half of men feel completely
survey over half of men feel completely
survey over half of men feel completely unprepared for fatherhood that’s a real
unprepared for fatherhood that’s a real
unprepared for fatherhood that’s a real statistic over half of men feel
statistic over half of men feel
statistic over half of men feel completely unprepared for fatherhood
completely unprepared for fatherhood
completely unprepared for fatherhood that seems incredible to me so I felt I
that seems incredible to me so I felt I
that seems incredible to me so I felt I had to do something and the thing that I
had to do something and the thing that I
had to do something and the thing that I did was the dad course so the dad course
did was the dad course so the dad course
did was the dad course so the dad course is very simple it’s not complex what we
is very simple it’s not complex what we
is very simple it’s not complex what we do is we bring dads to be together to
do is we bring dads to be together to
do is we bring dads to be together to prepare for fatherhood we meet in a pub
prepare for fatherhood we meet in a pub
prepare for fatherhood we meet in a pub because
because that seemed like the right thing
because that seemed like the right thing to do it’s a relaxed positive space it’s
to do it’s a relaxed positive space it’s
to do it’s a relaxed positive space it’s a familiar space and the whole idea is
a familiar space and the whole idea is
a familiar space and the whole idea is it’s that normalizing thing again it’s a
it’s that normalizing thing again it’s a
it’s that normalizing thing again it’s a place where men can just be themselves
place where men can just be themselves
place where men can just be themselves they don’t have to pretend they don’t
they don’t have to pretend they don’t
they don’t have to pretend they don’t have to be perfect they don’t have to be
have to be perfect they don’t have to be
have to be perfect they don’t have to be that strong figure that so many men feel
that strong figure that so many men feel
that strong figure that so many men feel they should be they can just be honest
they should be they can just be honest
they should be they can just be honest and upfront one of our core values is to
and upfront one of our core values is to
and upfront one of our core values is to be totally bs free so they’re not
be totally bs free so they’re not
be totally bs free so they’re not allowed to pretend they have to be who
allowed to pretend they have to be who
allowed to pretend they have to be who they are and we get all kinds of
they are and we get all kinds of
they are and we get all kinds of interesting conversations coming up
interesting conversations coming up
interesting conversations coming up around that around the questions that
around that around the questions that
around that around the questions that they get and around who they actually
they get and around who they actually
they get and around who they actually are as men and as dads we also bring
are as men and as dads we also bring
are as men and as dads we also bring along experienced dads who have been
along experienced dads who have been
along experienced dads who have been there and done it to come and share
there and done it to come and share
there and done it to come and share their stories and talk about their
their stories and talk about their
their stories and talk about their experiences of being a dad themselves so
experiences of being a dad themselves so
experiences of being a dad themselves so that will talk about their transition
that will talk about their transition
that will talk about their transition into Parenthood how they found the birth
into Parenthood how they found the birth
into Parenthood how they found the birth what’s been good what’s been hard all
what’s been good what’s been hard all
what’s been good what’s been hard all that stuff and I remember one day Limit
that stuff and I remember one day Limit
that stuff and I remember one day Limit iki coming and talked about his
iki coming and talked about his
iki coming and talked about his relationship with his partner how much
relationship with his partner how much
relationship with his partner how much they were struggling how tired they both
they were struggling how tired they both
they were struggling how tired they both were how they weren’t having sex anymore
were how they weren’t having sex anymore
were how they weren’t having sex anymore never have any fun and they were really
never have any fun and they were really
never have any fun and they were really having a hard time and one of the guys
having a hard time and one of the guys
having a hard time and one of the guys who came on that course came and spoke
who came on that course came and spoke
who came on that course came and spoke to me a few months they were having a
to me a few months they were having a
to me a few months they were having a chat and he said you know what some of
chat and he said you know what some of
chat and he said you know what some of the stuff he said was really helpful
the stuff he said was really helpful
the stuff he said was really helpful some of the tips about what I done
some of the tips about what I done
some of the tips about what I done different he was great but above all it
different he was great but above all it
different he was great but above all it was just so good to know that I wasn’t
was just so good to know that I wasn’t
was just so good to know that I wasn’t alone in that and that I was connected
alone in that and that I was connected
alone in that and that I was connected to someone else in that and we also do
to someone else in that and we also do
to someone else in that and we also do really really practical stuff so all
really really practical stuff so all
really really practical stuff so all that stuff that I learn at the hospital
that stuff that I learn at the hospital
that stuff that I learn at the hospital we do that together hopefully everything
we do that together hopefully everything
we do that together hopefully everything that a guy would want to know will cover
that a guy would want to know will cover
that a guy would want to know will cover so that all the nappy stuff the clothing
so that all the nappy stuff the clothing
so that all the nappy stuff the clothing stuff and tons more how to be supportive
stuff and tons more how to be supportive
stuff and tons more how to be supportive at the birth how to look after your
at the birth how to look after your
at the birth how to look after your partner where how to look after yourself
partner where how to look after yourself
partner where how to look after yourself as a dad where we do all of that stuff
as a dad where we do all of that stuff
as a dad where we do all of that stuff so it’s been so far it’s been a success
so it’s been so far it’s been a success
so it’s been so far it’s been a success I’m happy to say we started our first
I’m happy to say we started our first
I’m happy to say we started our first course in January so it’s still early
course in January so it’s still early
course in January so it’s still early days but I feel like there’s incredible
days but I feel like there’s incredible
days but I feel like there’s incredible potential but what we’re doing in
potential but what we’re doing in
potential but what we’re doing in Brighton is I think is actually just
Brighton is I think is actually just
Brighton is I think is actually just scratching the need of much deeper and a
scratching the need of much deeper and a
scratching the need of much deeper and a much wider need for dads hardly anyone
much wider need for dads hardly anyone
much wider need for dads hardly anyone is working with dads and virtually no
is working with dads and virtually no
is working with dads and virtually no one is working with dads to be and
one is working with dads to be and
one is working with dads to be and there’s a massive gap to be filled there
there’s a massive gap to be filled there
there’s a massive gap to be filled there and like I say I think it can have a
and like I say I think it can have a
and like I say I think it can have a hugely positive impact on not just the
hugely positive impact on not just the
hugely positive impact on not just the dads not just the partners but also the
dads not just the partners but also the
dads not just the partners but also the children so the number of dads have
children so the number of dads have
children so the number of dads have approached me said I wish that’s
approached me said I wish that’s
approached me said I wish that’s something that I’d had when I was a dad
something that I’d had when I was a dad
something that I’d had when I was a dad myself it’s not something I particularly
myself it’s not something I particularly
myself it’s not something I particularly initiated or sort out but already we’re
initiated or sort out but already we’re
initiated or sort out but already we’re having conversations about running
having conversations about running
having conversations about running the course in London in Oxford
the course in London in Oxford
the course in London in Oxford Southampton and little Hampton so it
Southampton and little Hampton so it
Southampton and little Hampton so it seems like a little bit of momentum is
seems like a little bit of momentum is
seems like a little bit of momentum is happening there which is very exciting
happening there which is very exciting
happening there which is very exciting there’s also the potential to maybe do
there’s also the potential to maybe do
there’s also the potential to maybe do some stuff online or I know that for me
some stuff online or I know that for me
some stuff online or I know that for me as a dad I’m far from the perfect dad I
as a dad I’m far from the perfect dad I
as a dad I’m far from the perfect dad I still need support I still need people
still need support I still need people
still need support I still need people to lean on shoulders to cry on question
to lean on shoulders to cry on question
to lean on shoulders to cry on question people to ask questions of so maybe
people to ask questions of so maybe
people to ask questions of so maybe we’ll do something for people who are
we’ll do something for people who are
we’ll do something for people who are already dads as well but to take it kind
already dads as well but to take it kind
already dads as well but to take it kind of all the way back to my granddad and
of all the way back to my granddad and
of all the way back to my granddad and where we started my grandeur basically
where we started my grandeur basically
where we started my grandeur basically had a choice to make he was forced into
had a choice to make he was forced into
had a choice to make he was forced into it by his circumstances he could either
it by his circumstances he could either
it by his circumstances he could either step up get involved get his hands dirty
step up get involved get his hands dirty
step up get involved get his hands dirty or he could listen to all the reasons
or he could listen to all the reasons
or he could listen to all the reasons not to all the societal pressures all
not to all the societal pressures all
not to all the societal pressures all the difficulties that he was facing but
the difficulties that he was facing but
the difficulties that he was facing but he decided to go for it and actually I
he decided to go for it and actually I
he decided to go for it and actually I don’t know what kind of impact it would
don’t know what kind of impact it would
don’t know what kind of impact it would have had on my dad and I’m his brother
have had on my dad and I’m his brother
have had on my dad and I’m his brother had my granddad decided not to do that
had my granddad decided not to do that
had my granddad decided not to do that they could easily have become one of
they could easily have become one of
they could easily have become one of those statistics that I mentioned
those statistics that I mentioned
those statistics that I mentioned earlier on but they haven’t and that’s
earlier on but they haven’t and that’s
earlier on but they haven’t and that’s had a huge positive effect on me and my
had a huge positive effect on me and my
had a huge positive effect on me and my siblings and hopefully on my children
siblings and hopefully on my children
siblings and hopefully on my children too I think that the dad course and this
too I think that the dad course and this
too I think that the dad course and this idea of helping them prepare for
idea of helping them prepare for
idea of helping them prepare for fatherhood I want it to be for everyone
fatherhood I want it to be for everyone
fatherhood I want it to be for everyone so we’ve had all kinds of dads coming
so we’ve had all kinds of dads coming
so we’ve had all kinds of dads coming along you think you know professionals
along you think you know professionals
along you think you know professionals we’ve had people from all different
we’ve had people from all different
we’ve had people from all different backgrounds we’ve had people from maybe
backgrounds we’ve had people from maybe
backgrounds we’ve had people from maybe more traditionally poorer backgrounds
more traditionally poorer backgrounds
more traditionally poorer backgrounds but I’m so so keen that this is
but I’m so so keen that this is
but I’m so so keen that this is something that could be for everyone
something that could be for everyone
something that could be for everyone one example of that a 15 year old boy
one example of that a 15 year old boy
one example of that a 15 year old boy from Brighton recently got in touch of
from Brighton recently got in touch of
from Brighton recently got in touch of me he wasn’t able to make our course for
me he wasn’t able to make our course for
me he wasn’t able to make our course for various reasons but he basically said
various reasons but he basically said
various reasons but he basically said I’m becoming a dad my girlfriend’s
I’m becoming a dad my girlfriend’s
I’m becoming a dad my girlfriend’s pregnant I’m up for it which i think is
pregnant I’m up for it which i think is
pregnant I’m up for it which i think is amazing but I just need someone to help
amazing but I just need someone to help
amazing but I just need someone to help me I don’t know how to hold a baby and
me I don’t know how to hold a baby and
me I don’t know how to hold a baby and for me as I you know wow this is exactly
for me as I you know wow this is exactly
for me as I you know wow this is exactly the kind of people we want to be helping
the kind of people we want to be helping
the kind of people we want to be helping we want to help everyone we don’t just
we want to help everyone we don’t just
we want to help everyone we don’t just want this to be a privileged
want this to be a privileged
want this to be a privileged middle-class opportunity I think there
middle-class opportunity I think there
middle-class opportunity I think there could be a profound impact if all dads
could be a profound impact if all dads
could be a profound impact if all dads did this stuff so I want to finish by
did this stuff so I want to finish by
did this stuff so I want to finish by sharing a little thought there’s been
sharing a little thought there’s been
sharing a little thought there’s been lots of interesting quotes today and
lots of interesting quotes today and
lots of interesting quotes today and I’ve got one from Tolstoy classic dad
I’ve got one from Tolstoy classic dad
I’ve got one from Tolstoy classic dad stuff everyone thinks about changing the
stuff everyone thinks about changing the
stuff everyone thinks about changing the world but very few people think about
world but very few people think about
world but very few people think about changing themselves and I think it’s is
changing themselves and I think it’s is
changing themselves and I think it’s is easy to believe that societal change
easy to believe that societal change
easy to believe that societal change only happens at this high up top level
only happens at this high up top level
only happens at this high up top level which very few of us will ever see
which very few of us will ever see
which very few of us will ever see and very few of us will ever access and
and very few of us will ever access and
and very few of us will ever access and it makes us feel powerless now
it makes us feel powerless now
it makes us feel powerless now occasionally I think that’s true but I
occasionally I think that’s true but I
occasionally I think that’s true but I think on the whole real change and real
think on the whole real change and real
think on the whole real change and real long-term sustainable change that isn’t
long-term sustainable change that isn’t
long-term sustainable change that isn’t just temporary but lasts it doesn’t
just temporary but lasts it doesn’t
just temporary but lasts it doesn’t happen in that way I think happens in
happen in that way I think happens in
happen in that way I think happens in small quiet little places where we don’t
small quiet little places where we don’t
small quiet little places where we don’t always see and for me that’s what makes
always see and for me that’s what makes
always see and for me that’s what makes a dark horse exciting it’s not big it’s
a dark horse exciting it’s not big it’s
a dark horse exciting it’s not big it’s not fancy it’s not something I’ve set
not fancy it’s not something I’ve set
not fancy it’s not something I’ve set out to make huge it’s just a group of
out to make huge it’s just a group of
out to make huge it’s just a group of guys sitting in a quiet pub side room
guys sitting in a quiet pub side room
guys sitting in a quiet pub side room talking about that journey into
talking about that journey into
talking about that journey into fatherhood being upfront real and honest
fatherhood being upfront real and honest
fatherhood being upfront real and honest and preparing themselves for what is I
and preparing themselves for what is I
and preparing themselves for what is I believe the most significant thing
believe the most significant thing
believe the most significant thing they’ll ever do my dream my vision my
they’ll ever do my dream my vision my
they’ll ever do my dream my vision my hope is that we’re able to offer this
hope is that we’re able to offer this
hope is that we’re able to offer this opportunity to all dads I think the
opportunity to all dads I think the
opportunity to all dads I think the impact could be totally profound and all
impact could be totally profound and all
impact could be totally profound and all those little changes added together
those little changes added together
those little changes added together could have a huge impact not just on the
could have a huge impact not just on the
could have a huge impact not just on the dads not just on the mums but on
dads not just on the mums but on
dads not just on the mums but on children for generations to come
children for generations to come
children for generations to come thanks
thanks
thanks [Applause]
”
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