The Importance of Questions: Theatre and Identity | Kit Redstone | TEDxYouth@Manchester

hello so many years ago before I wanted

hello so many years ago before I wanted to be a writer and director I

to be a writer and director I

to be a writer and director I desperately wanted to be an actor and I

desperately wanted to be an actor and I

desperately wanted to be an actor and I spent a year auditioning for all of the

spent a year auditioning for all of the

spent a year auditioning for all of the London top drama schools and there was a

London top drama schools and there was a

London top drama schools and there was a drama school called Drama Centre which

drama school called Drama Centre which

drama school called Drama Centre which was my first choice and the morning came

was my first choice and the morning came

was my first choice and the morning came for my audition and I woke up I got

for my audition and I woke up I got

for my audition and I woke up I got ready I was really nervous really

ready I was really nervous really

ready I was really nervous really anxious and excited and I suddenly

anxious and excited and I suddenly

anxious and excited and I suddenly realized just before I began to make the

realized just before I began to make the

realized just before I began to make the journey that there was a tube strike so

journey that there was a tube strike so

journey that there was a tube strike so in a sudden panic I called a taxi and

in a sudden panic I called a taxi and

in a sudden panic I called a taxi and the taxi arrived I got in and as we

the taxi arrived I got in and as we

the taxi arrived I got in and as we pulled out onto a busy High Street I

pulled out onto a busy High Street I

pulled out onto a busy High Street I realized that I didn’t have any cash on

realized that I didn’t have any cash on

realized that I didn’t have any cash on me to pay him so I asked him to stop and

me to pay him so I asked him to stop and

me to pay him so I asked him to stop and I got out of the taxi stepped into the

I got out of the taxi stepped into the

I got out of the taxi stepped into the road turned my head and saw a van

road turned my head and saw a van

road turned my head and saw a van hurtling towards me at full speed and in

hurtling towards me at full speed and in

hurtling towards me at full speed and in a moment of sheer instinct I threw

a moment of sheer instinct I threw

a moment of sheer instinct I threw myself underneath the van between the

myself underneath the van between the

myself underneath the van between the wheels and sort of skidded along the

wheels and sort of skidded along the

wheels and sort of skidded along the floor remaining relatively unscathed

floor remaining relatively unscathed

floor remaining relatively unscathed compared to what could have happened and

compared to what could have happened and

compared to what could have happened and the poor van driver helped me out from

the poor van driver helped me out from

the poor van driver helped me out from under his van and he was very shaken and

under his van and he was very shaken and

under his van and he was very shaken and he asked me if I was all right and I you

he asked me if I was all right and I you

he asked me if I was all right and I you know my main priority was I have to get

know my main priority was I have to get

know my main priority was I have to get to this audition this is the the

to this audition this is the the

to this audition this is the the number-one thing on my mind so in that

number-one thing on my mind so in that

number-one thing on my mind so in that very British way I thanked him and

very British way I thanked him and

very British way I thanked him and profusely apologized saying I’m sorry

profusely apologized saying I’m sorry

profusely apologized saying I’m sorry I’m a complete idiot

I’m a complete idiot

I’m a complete idiot and went to the cash machine got my cash

and went to the cash machine got my cash

and went to the cash machine got my cash got back in the cab and we we drove as

got back in the cab and we we drove as

got back in the cab and we we drove as fast as he could drive and pulled up

fast as he could drive and pulled up

fast as he could drive and pulled up outside the audition and I ran down the

outside the audition and I ran down the

outside the audition and I ran down the corridor and made it just in time and

corridor and made it just in time and

corridor and made it just in time and then I went in and I did my audition

then I went in and I did my audition

then I went in and I did my audition which was two monologues and that went

which was two monologues and that went

which was two monologues and that went fine and then afterwards I sat down to

fine and then afterwards I sat down to

fine and then afterwards I sat down to have an interview with the head of

have an interview with the head of

have an interview with the head of acting and he said this to me why do you

acting and he said this to me why do you

acting and he said this to me why do you want to act why do you want to make

want to act why do you want to make

want to act why do you want to make theatre and I was completely paralyzed

theatre and I was completely paralyzed

theatre and I was completely paralyzed I was completely flummoxed I had

I was completely flummoxed I had

I was completely flummoxed I had absolutely no idea what to say I mean I

absolutely no idea what to say I mean I

absolutely no idea what to say I mean I knew I wanted it so much that I’d risked

knew I wanted it so much that I’d risked

knew I wanted it so much that I’d risked my life 30 minutes before but I’d never

my life 30 minutes before but I’d never

my life 30 minutes before but I’d never really formulated in my mind why I’d

really formulated in my mind why I’d

really formulated in my mind why I’d never really asked myself that question

never really asked myself that question

never really asked myself that question I just did so I kind of mumbled

I just did so I kind of mumbled

I just did so I kind of mumbled something lamely about escapism and

something lamely about escapism and

something lamely about escapism and entertainment and as I said it it felt

entertainment and as I said it it felt

entertainment and as I said it it felt crap

crap

crap and clearly he wasn’t very impressed

and clearly he wasn’t very impressed

and clearly he wasn’t very impressed because he just frowned at me through

because he just frowned at me through

because he just frowned at me through his glasses and said right and that was

his glasses and said right and that was

his glasses and said right and that was that and this was about ten years ago

that and this was about ten years ago

that and this was about ten years ago and to this day I still ask myself that

and to this day I still ask myself that

and to this day I still ask myself that question all the time why do I make

question all the time why do I make

question all the time why do I make theater and I guess the real question is

theater and I guess the real question is

theater and I guess the real question is why is theater important and one of the

why is theater important and one of the

why is theater important and one of the answers is clear right now in what we’re

answers is clear right now in what we’re

answers is clear right now in what we’re doing I mean I just told you a little

doing I mean I just told you a little

doing I mean I just told you a little story which is in itself a piece of

story which is in itself a piece of

story which is in itself a piece of theater and when I told it I looked at

theater and when I told it I looked at

theater and when I told it I looked at you I engaged with you you you may not

you I engaged with you you you may not

you I engaged with you you you may not have said anything during my story but

have said anything during my story but

have said anything during my story but your presence here and your

your presence here and your

your presence here and your personalities in some way shape the way

personalities in some way shape the way

personalities in some way shape the way I told that story and I could tell it

I told that story and I could tell it

I told that story and I could tell it again at another time another place in

again at another time another place in

again at another time another place in front of another audience and it would

front of another audience and it would

front of another audience and it would never be as it is today there is

never be as it is today there is

never be as it is today there is something about live performance that is

something about live performance that is

something about live performance that is unique and I guess we could say that

unique and I guess we could say that

unique and I guess we could say that television and film reach people in

television and film reach people in

television and film reach people in their millions but I think there’s

their millions but I think there’s

their millions but I think there’s something passive about watching a

something passive about watching a

something passive about watching a screen and when we’re present at a live

screen and when we’re present at a live

screen and when we’re present at a live event as an audience we’re active and

event as an audience we’re active and

event as an audience we’re active and engaged and now I guess now that I

engaged and now I guess now that I

engaged and now I guess now that I understand the value of this amazing

understand the value of this amazing

understand the value of this amazing platform theater what do I want to make

platform theater what do I want to make

platform theater what do I want to make theater about I mean what are the

theater about I mean what are the

theater about I mean what are the burning things that I feel I need to

burning things that I feel I need to

burning things that I feel I need to share with an audience and here I’m

share with an audience and here I’m

share with an audience and here I’m going to get into some more specifics

going to get into some more specifics

going to get into some more specifics about Who I am and what I do as a

about Who I am and what I do as a

about Who I am and what I do as a theatre maker because with me and this

theatre maker because with me and this

theatre maker because with me and this is what I do the personal is very

is what I do the personal is very

is what I do the personal is very political and this for me this

political and this for me this

political and this for me this realization was a Eureka moment for me

realization was a Eureka moment for me

realization was a Eureka moment for me in my work a realization that my little

in my work a realization that my little

in my work a realization that my little stories my subjective take on the world

stories my subjective take on the world

stories my subjective take on the world could in some way serve the bigger

could in some way serve the bigger

could in some way serve the bigger picture and that’s what storytelling is

picture and that’s what storytelling is

picture and that’s what storytelling is right

right

right it’s the microcosm the little story

it’s the microcosm the little story

it’s the microcosm the little story which reflects the macrocosm the bigger

which reflects the macrocosm the bigger

which reflects the macrocosm the bigger story

story

story so my microcosm I am a transgender man

so my microcosm I am a transgender man

so my microcosm I am a transgender man which for I don’t know some of you may

which for I don’t know some of you may

which for I don’t know some of you may not know what that means it means I was

not know what that means it means I was

not know what that means it means I was born biologically female and I

born biologically female and I

born biologically female and I transitioned three years ago to become a

transitioned three years ago to become a

transitioned three years ago to become a man and over the last few years in the

man and over the last few years in the

man and over the last few years in the last couple of years I made a show in

last couple of years I made a show in

last couple of years I made a show in collaboration with another theatre

collaboration with another theatre

collaboration with another theatre company called rum and clay called

company called rum and clay called

company called rum and clay called testosterone and I use my own

testosterone and I use my own

testosterone and I use my own autobiographical experiences in the show

autobiographical experiences in the show

autobiographical experiences in the show and it’s set in my first moment the

and it’s set in my first moment the

and it’s set in my first moment the first time that I ever enter a male

first time that I ever enter a male

first time that I ever enter a male changing room and it’s a quest for

changing room and it’s a quest for

changing room and it’s a quest for masculine identity it’s me trying to

masculine identity it’s me trying to

masculine identity it’s me trying to navigate my way through the world of men

navigate my way through the world of men

navigate my way through the world of men and understand where I fit in and the

and understand where I fit in and the

and understand where I fit in and the show poses questions such as when did I

show poses questions such as when did I

show poses questions such as when did I become a man I mean did I become a man

become a man I mean did I become a man

become a man I mean did I become a man when I first decided I wanted to be one

when I first decided I wanted to be one

when I first decided I wanted to be one or was it when I had my first hormone

or was it when I had my first hormone

or was it when I had my first hormone injection or was it when I was perceived

injection or was it when I was perceived

injection or was it when I was perceived as a man I mean what is a man I when did

as a man I mean what is a man I when did

as a man I mean what is a man I when did you become a man or a woman I mean that

you become a man or a woman I mean that

you become a man or a woman I mean that might seem a really silly question but

might seem a really silly question but

might seem a really silly question but actually I think there’s there’s

actually I think there’s there’s

actually I think there’s there’s something very interesting in it did you

something very interesting in it did you

something very interesting in it did you become a man or a woman before you were

become a man or a woman before you were

become a man or a woman before you were born or was it when you knew what the

born or was it when you knew what the

born or was it when you knew what the difference between a boy and a girl was

difference between a boy and a girl was

difference between a boy and a girl was or was it later than that when people

or was it later than that when people

or was it later than that when people started to treat you in certain ways I

started to treat you in certain ways I

started to treat you in certain ways I think these are really really important

think these are really really important

think these are really really important questions to ask ourselves and the next

questions to ask ourselves and the next

questions to ask ourselves and the next question I asked myself when I’m making

question I asked myself when I’m making

question I asked myself when I’m making a piece of work is why now why why is it

a piece of work is why now why why is it

a piece of work is why now why why is it important to tell this story now how do

important to tell this story now how do

important to tell this story now how do i contextualize it and the answer with

i contextualize it and the answer with

i contextualize it and the answer with this piece of work was that we are now

this piece of work was that we are now

this piece of work was that we are now having a conversation about gender and

having a conversation about gender and

having a conversation about gender and identity more than ever I’m sure lots of

identity more than ever I’m sure lots of

identity more than ever I’m sure lots of you read about the recent Harvey

you read about the recent Harvey

you read about the recent Harvey Weinstein allegations and how that’s led

Weinstein allegations and how that’s led

Weinstein allegations and how that’s led to story after story coming out

to story after story coming out

to story after story coming out about male domination about men abusing

about male domination about men abusing

about male domination about men abusing their power they’re placed in a very

their power they’re placed in a very

their power they’re placed in a very patriarchal system and sort of reigning

patriarchal system and sort of reigning

patriarchal system and sort of reigning over other people and you know this this

over other people and you know this this

over other people and you know this this subject seemed to me ripe to make a

subject seemed to me ripe to make a

subject seemed to me ripe to make a piece of work about and so I asked

piece of work about and so I asked

piece of work about and so I asked myself what does my little story what

myself what does my little story what

myself what does my little story what how does it serve this this larger issue

how does it serve this this larger issue

how does it serve this this larger issue of identity and the answer was that I

of identity and the answer was that I

of identity and the answer was that I guess I’m in a unique position

guess I’m in a unique position

guess I’m in a unique position I have lived as both a man and a woman

I have lived as both a man and a woman

I have lived as both a man and a woman and I’ve experienced firsthand the

and I’ve experienced firsthand the

and I’ve experienced firsthand the differences between them and I guess I

differences between them and I guess I

differences between them and I guess I can say with some authority that I don’t

can say with some authority that I don’t

can say with some authority that I don’t know as a man I feel safer when I walk

know as a man I feel safer when I walk

know as a man I feel safer when I walk down a street at night I also feel that

down a street at night I also feel that

down a street at night I also feel that when I’m talking to someone on the phone

when I’m talking to someone on the phone

when I’m talking to someone on the phone in a kind of formal capacity that I’m

in a kind of formal capacity that I’m

in a kind of formal capacity that I’m taken more seriously I mean that’s

taken more seriously I mean that’s

taken more seriously I mean that’s ridiculous that shouldn’t be the case

ridiculous that shouldn’t be the case

ridiculous that shouldn’t be the case but in my experience it is and I also

but in my experience it is and I also

but in my experience it is and I also noticed negative things so for example I

noticed negative things so for example I

noticed negative things so for example I was coming back from from a holiday a

was coming back from from a holiday a

was coming back from from a holiday a couple of years ago and I’d lived as a

couple of years ago and I’d lived as a

couple of years ago and I’d lived as a man for about a year at that point and I

man for about a year at that point and I

man for about a year at that point and I had a fight with a flight attendant

had a fight with a flight attendant

had a fight with a flight attendant during the flight and for some reason I

during the flight and for some reason I

during the flight and for some reason I must have been feeling very vulnerable

must have been feeling very vulnerable

must have been feeling very vulnerable or something I don’t know I burst out

or something I don’t know I burst out

or something I don’t know I burst out crying after we had this argument and it

crying after we had this argument and it

crying after we had this argument and it was very embarrassing and we were all

was very embarrassing and we were all

was very embarrassing and we were all disembarking the plane and I was kind of

disembarking the plane and I was kind of

disembarking the plane and I was kind of I’m sure you know you may at some point

I’m sure you know you may at some point

I’m sure you know you may at some point in your lives have cried in this way

in your lives have cried in this way

in your lives have cried in this way where you’re kind of uncontrollably

where you’re kind of uncontrollably

where you’re kind of uncontrollably sobbing like a child and I was just

sobbing like a child and I was just

sobbing like a child and I was just going and the other passengers of course

going and the other passengers of course

going and the other passengers of course noticed me uncontrollably sobbing and

noticed me uncontrollably sobbing and

noticed me uncontrollably sobbing and nobody did anything

nobody did anything

nobody did anything nobody said are you okay or offered me a

nobody said are you okay or offered me a

nobody said are you okay or offered me a tissue and I realized then in that

tissue and I realized then in that

tissue and I realized then in that moment that it’s beamed unnatural and

moment that it’s beamed unnatural and

moment that it’s beamed unnatural and inappropriate for men to cry and things

inappropriate for men to cry and things

inappropriate for men to cry and things like hugging I’ve had to sort of adapt

like hugging I’ve had to sort of adapt

like hugging I’ve had to sort of adapt the way that I now hug my male friends

the way that I now hug my male friends

the way that I now hug my male friends there’s a sort of unspoken rule that we

there’s a sort of unspoken rule that we

there’s a sort of unspoken rule that we kind of hold each other at arm’s

kind of hold each other at arm’s

kind of hold each other at arm’s length and we have this very kind of you

length and we have this very kind of you

length and we have this very kind of you know mechanical pat on the back and then

know mechanical pat on the back and then

know mechanical pat on the back and then we disengage from each other you know

we disengage from each other you know

we disengage from each other you know which is all very strange and then I

which is all very strange and then I

which is all very strange and then I started looking into statistics and

started looking into statistics and

started looking into statistics and found out that two-thirds of the world’s

found out that two-thirds of the world’s

found out that two-thirds of the world’s suicides are done by men and surely men

suicides are done by men and surely men

suicides are done by men and surely men are not born biologically predisposed to

are not born biologically predisposed to

are not born biologically predisposed to be more suicidal than women clearly it’s

be more suicidal than women clearly it’s

be more suicidal than women clearly it’s a cultural thing right and you know of

a cultural thing right and you know of

a cultural thing right and you know of course in my work and in my transition I

course in my work and in my transition I

course in my work and in my transition I explored and experienced many you know

explored and experienced many you know

explored and experienced many you know incredibly positive things about

incredibly positive things about

incredibly positive things about masculinity and you know very touching

masculinity and you know very touching

masculinity and you know very touching things like the arenas in which a man

things like the arenas in which a man

things like the arenas in which a man can be emotional and can be tactile like

can be emotional and can be tactile like

can be emotional and can be tactile like sport for instance but I felt that if I

sport for instance but I felt that if I

sport for instance but I felt that if I could use my little stories to somehow I

could use my little stories to somehow I

could use my little stories to somehow I don’t know shed some light on this

don’t know shed some light on this

don’t know shed some light on this bigger issue of identity then I was

bigger issue of identity then I was

bigger issue of identity then I was doing something right now I guess I

doing something right now I guess I

doing something right now I guess I bring myself back to the question I

bring myself back to the question I

bring myself back to the question I asked myself at the beginning why do I

asked myself at the beginning why do I

asked myself at the beginning why do I make theater and I guess I make it

make theater and I guess I make it

make theater and I guess I make it because I want to honor to celebrate to

because I want to honor to celebrate to

because I want to honor to celebrate to defy to challenge and all manner of

defy to challenge and all manner of

defy to challenge and all manner of other verbs but if I have to bring it

other verbs but if I have to bring it

other verbs but if I have to bring it down to one it’s most importantly to

down to one it’s most importantly to

down to one it’s most importantly to question and theater is my medium to do

question and theater is my medium to do

question and theater is my medium to do this and of course it may not be yours

this and of course it may not be yours

this and of course it may not be yours but if I can leave you with one thing

but if I can leave you with one thing

but if I can leave you with one thing today I would urge you through whatever

today I would urge you through whatever

today I would urge you through whatever means whether it’s science geography

means whether it’s science geography

means whether it’s science geography history politics music whatever ask

history politics music whatever ask

history politics music whatever ask questions ask questions of yourself and

questions ask questions of yourself and

questions ask questions of yourself and of the world around you because

of the world around you because

of the world around you because questions open us up to a discourse they

questions open us up to a discourse they

questions open us up to a discourse they allow us to you know to to admit that we

allow us to you know to to admit that we

allow us to you know to to admit that we might not know all the answers and they

might not know all the answers and they

might not know all the answers and they take us sometimes somewhere really

take us sometimes somewhere really

take us sometimes somewhere really interesting and questions allow us to

interesting and questions allow us to

interesting and questions allow us to look at ourselves our little stories our

look at ourselves our little stories our

look at ourselves our little stories our identities and kind of understand how

identities and kind of understand how

identities and kind of understand how they impact the greater world

they impact the greater world

they impact the greater world so thank you very much

so thank you very much

so thank you very much [Applause]