I’m willing to bet that most of you if not all of you heard about the Golden
not all of you heard about the Golden
not all of you heard about the Golden Rule at some point while growing up and
Rule at some point while growing up and
Rule at some point while growing up and what does the golden rule teach us I
what does the golden rule teach us I
what does the golden rule teach us I think you’re more nervous than I am
think you’re more nervous than I am
think you’re more nervous than I am that’s right it teaches us to treat
that’s right it teaches us to treat
that’s right it teaches us to treat others the way we want to be treated and
others the way we want to be treated and
others the way we want to be treated and like many of you I learned this rule at
like many of you I learned this rule at
like many of you I learned this rule at a very young age for children it’s a
a very young age for children it’s a
a very young age for children it’s a great introduction to the idea of
great introduction to the idea of
great introduction to the idea of managing conflict and developing
managing conflict and developing
managing conflict and developing relationships but what about for adults
relationships but what about for adults
relationships but what about for adults how can the golden rule help us with our
how can the golden rule help us with our
how can the golden rule help us with our most important relationships how can the
most important relationships how can the
most important relationships how can the golden rule help us manage all of those
golden rule help us manage all of those
golden rule help us manage all of those relationship pitfalls and tiptoe around
relationship pitfalls and tiptoe around
relationship pitfalls and tiptoe around all of those relationship landmines
all of those relationship landmines
all of those relationship landmines well we’re gonna get to the answer but
well we’re gonna get to the answer but
well we’re gonna get to the answer but first let’s go all the way back to the
first let’s go all the way back to the
first let’s go all the way back to the beginning the first version of the
beginning the first version of the
beginning the first version of the golden rule appears around 1640 BC in
golden rule appears around 1640 BC in
golden rule appears around 1640 BC in ancient Egypt and is attributed to the
ancient Egypt and is attributed to the
ancient Egypt and is attributed to the goddess Maat who said due to the doer to
goddess Maat who said due to the doer to
goddess Maat who said due to the doer to make him do now fast forward to modern
make him do now fast forward to modern
make him do now fast forward to modern day and we can see that the golden rule
day and we can see that the golden rule
day and we can see that the golden rule is not only recognized all over the
is not only recognized all over the
is not only recognized all over the world but it’s taught by many different
world but it’s taught by many different
world but it’s taught by many different faiths all over the world the version
faiths all over the world the version
faiths all over the world the version that you and I are probably the most
that you and I are probably the most
that you and I are probably the most familiar with is going to be the
familiar with is going to be the
familiar with is going to be the Christian version which teaches us to do
Christian version which teaches us to do
Christian version which teaches us to do unto others as you would have them do
unto others as you would have them do
unto others as you would have them do unto you but did you know that islam
unto you but did you know that islam
unto you but did you know that islam teaches us to wish for others what you
teaches us to wish for others what you
teaches us to wish for others what you wish for yourself and Judaism teaches us
wish for yourself and Judaism teaches us
wish for yourself and Judaism teaches us that what you find hateful don’t do to
that what you find hateful don’t do to
that what you find hateful don’t do to your neighbor all over the world so many
your neighbor all over the world so many
your neighbor all over the world so many different faiths from Buddhism to
different faiths from Buddhism to
different faiths from Buddhism to Hinduism to Confucianism even the
Hinduism to Confucianism even the
Hinduism to Confucianism even the Wiccans teach some form of the Golden
Wiccans teach some form of the Golden
Wiccans teach some form of the Golden Rule because it’s so widespread it’s
Rule because it’s so widespread it’s
Rule because it’s so widespread it’s easy for us to see how it continues to
easy for us to see how it continues to
easy for us to see how it continues to be the standard we use to teach our
be the standard we use to teach our
be the standard we use to teach our children how to treat others and I do
children how to treat others and I do
children how to treat others and I do believe that most of us at least try to
believe that most of us at least try to
believe that most of us at least try to follow the rule to the best of our
follow the rule to the best of our
follow the rule to the best of our abilities but if this is true it’s being
abilities but if this is true it’s being
abilities but if this is true it’s being taught all over the world
taught all over the world
taught all over the world and we at least try to adhere to it why
and we at least try to adhere to it why
and we at least try to adhere to it why is it so difficult for us to maintain
is it so difficult for us to maintain
is it so difficult for us to maintain successful long-term relationships what
successful long-term relationships what
successful long-term relationships what are we doing wrong I’m gonna tell you
are we doing wrong I’m gonna tell you
are we doing wrong I’m gonna tell you it’s really not our fault it’s actually
it’s really not our fault it’s actually
it’s really not our fault it’s actually the golden rule the golden rule is
the golden rule the golden rule is
the golden rule the golden rule is terrible relationship advice it is it’s
terrible relationship advice it is it’s
terrible relationship advice it is it’s the worst relationship advice like ever
the worst relationship advice like ever
the worst relationship advice like ever yeah I’m just gonna put that right out
yeah I’m just gonna put that right out
yeah I’m just gonna put that right out there why it boils down to complexity
there why it boils down to complexity
there why it boils down to complexity and perception we have to remember that
and perception we have to remember that
and perception we have to remember that when we are speaking to another
when we are speaking to another
when we are speaking to another individual they’re just that they’re a
individual they’re just that they’re a
individual they’re just that they’re a different person we have to remember
different person we have to remember
different person we have to remember that they have different ideas different
that they have different ideas different
that they have different ideas different feelings different thoughts when I’m
feelings different thoughts when I’m
feelings different thoughts when I’m talking about our significant others and
talking about our significant others and
talking about our significant others and how to treat them I’m really talking
how to treat them I’m really talking
how to treat them I’m really talking about our spouses our best friends our
about our spouses our best friends our
about our spouses our best friends our boyfriends our girlfriends our immediate
boyfriends our girlfriends our immediate
boyfriends our girlfriends our immediate family members the people with whom we
family members the people with whom we
family members the people with whom we need to remain happy and healthy in
need to remain happy and healthy in
need to remain happy and healthy in order to have long-term successful
order to have long-term successful
order to have long-term successful relationships but instead we’re thinking
relationships but instead we’re thinking
relationships but instead we’re thinking about ourselves and to confirm this idea
about ourselves and to confirm this idea
about ourselves and to confirm this idea I did a highly scientific study and by
I did a highly scientific study and by
I did a highly scientific study and by highly scientific I mean I asked a bunch
highly scientific I mean I asked a bunch
highly scientific I mean I asked a bunch of my Facebook friends to just explain
of my Facebook friends to just explain
of my Facebook friends to just explain in their own words what they think about
in their own words what they think about
in their own words what they think about the golden rule I’m going to share with
the golden rule I’m going to share with
the golden rule I’m going to share with you some of those examples the first
you some of those examples the first
you some of those examples the first example it means I want to be understood
example it means I want to be understood
example it means I want to be understood by you so in turn I will make effort to
by you so in turn I will make effort to
by you so in turn I will make effort to understand you I call this one the lead
understand you I call this one the lead
understand you I call this one the lead by example concept I’m going to model
by example concept I’m going to model
by example concept I’m going to model for you the behavior I want from you
for you the behavior I want from you
for you the behavior I want from you example to think about what you want
example to think about what you want
example to think about what you want from the universe and give that energy
from the universe and give that energy
from the universe and give that energy to it I call this one the make-a-wish
to it I call this one the make-a-wish
to it I call this one the make-a-wish make it happen concept I’m gonna think
make it happen concept I’m gonna think
make it happen concept I’m gonna think about what I want and I’m going to will
about what I want and I’m going to will
about what I want and I’m going to will it to happen and then example three in
it to happen and then example three in
it to happen and then example three in order to get your way you must coerce
order to get your way you must coerce
order to get your way you must coerce others into believing that your
others into believing that your
others into believing that your intentions have them at center focus I
intentions have them at center focus I
intentions have them at center focus I call that one the politicians Creed
call that one the politicians Creed
call that one the politicians Creed and my favorite example yeah who hasn’t
and my favorite example yeah who hasn’t
and my favorite example yeah who hasn’t felt that way right all joking aside
felt that way right all joking aside
felt that way right all joking aside these examples do bring about they do
these examples do bring about they do
these examples do bring about they do represent exactly what is wrong with our
represent exactly what is wrong with our
represent exactly what is wrong with our relationships we’re focusing on
relationships we’re focusing on
relationships we’re focusing on ourselves we’re not thinking about the
ourselves we’re not thinking about the
ourselves we’re not thinking about the other person we do have to remember that
other person we do have to remember that
other person we do have to remember that they are an individual just like we are
they are an individual just like we are
they are an individual just like we are so what do we need to do I would like
so what do we need to do I would like
so what do we need to do I would like for you to consider an alternative an
for you to consider an alternative an
for you to consider an alternative an updated version a golden rule 2.0 if you
updated version a golden rule 2.0 if you
updated version a golden rule 2.0 if you will it’s going to be to treat others
will it’s going to be to treat others
will it’s going to be to treat others the way they want to be treated it
the way they want to be treated it
the way they want to be treated it completely changes your mindset from
completely changes your mindset from
completely changes your mindset from thinking about yourself to putting
thinking about yourself to putting
thinking about yourself to putting yourself in the back seat and it forces
yourself in the back seat and it forces
yourself in the back seat and it forces you to think about the other what are
you to think about the other what are
you to think about the other what are their wants what are their ideas what
their wants what are their ideas what
their wants what are their ideas what are their dreams what are their likes
are their dreams what are their likes
are their dreams what are their likes and their dislikes if you’re going to be
and their dislikes if you’re going to be
and their dislikes if you’re going to be in a successful long-term relationships
in a successful long-term relationships
in a successful long-term relationships it cannot always be about you it just
it cannot always be about you it just
it cannot always be about you it just can’t be and I’m going to give you a
can’t be and I’m going to give you a
can’t be and I’m going to give you a personal example my husband and I
personal example my husband and I
personal example my husband and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary
celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary
celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary this past May and he is what I call a
this past May and he is what I call a
this past May and he is what I call a flaming extrovert the man knows no
flaming extrovert the man knows no
flaming extrovert the man knows no stranger he loves to be around people
stranger he loves to be around people
stranger he loves to be around people and he needs to be around people that’s
and he needs to be around people that’s
and he needs to be around people that’s how he recharges his batteries whereas
how he recharges his batteries whereas
how he recharges his batteries whereas I’m the queen of introverts I’m the
I’m the queen of introverts I’m the
I’m the queen of introverts I’m the exact opposite I find people to be
exact opposite I find people to be
exact opposite I find people to be utterly exhausting to be honest with you
utterly exhausting to be honest with you
utterly exhausting to be honest with you I need to go back into my cave to
I need to go back into my cave to
I need to go back into my cave to recharge my batteries so when you’re
recharge my batteries so when you’re
recharge my batteries so when you’re married to your polar opposite
married to your polar opposite
married to your polar opposite the golden rule 2.0 is key if I were to
the golden rule 2.0 is key if I were to
the golden rule 2.0 is key if I were to treat him the way I wanted to be treated
treat him the way I wanted to be treated
treat him the way I wanted to be treated and vice versa
and vice versa
and vice versa our marriage would not have lasted
our marriage would not have lasted
our marriage would not have lasted through the first year so what’s a
through the first year so what’s a
through the first year so what’s a married introvert to do especially when
married introvert to do especially when
married introvert to do especially when she’s married to the extrovert well over
she’s married to the extrovert well over
she’s married to the extrovert well over the years we’ve had to learn not only to
the years we’ve had to learn not only to
the years we’ve had to learn not only to acknowledge each other’s differences but
acknowledge each other’s differences but
acknowledge each other’s differences but to accept those differences into
to accept those differences into
to accept those differences into compromise so I will hang out I’ll be
compromise so I will hang out I’ll be
compromise so I will hang out I’ll be social and I’ll do that for an
social and I’ll do that for an
social and I’ll do that for an acceptable amount of time and then when
acceptable amount of time and then when
acceptable amount of time and then when I’m done I go back into my cave and he’s
I’m done I go back into my cave and he’s
I’m done I go back into my cave and he’s not allowed to complain about it or give
not allowed to complain about it or give
not allowed to complain about it or give me any grief and it makes both of us
me any grief and it makes both of us
me any grief and it makes both of us happy he’s happy and I’m happy you see
happy he’s happy and I’m happy you see
happy he’s happy and I’m happy you see just because you’re in a committed
just because you’re in a committed
just because you’re in a committed relationship it does not mean that you
relationship it does not mean that you
relationship it does not mean that you have to give up your own identity but
have to give up your own identity but
have to give up your own identity but just like any good dance partner you got
just like any good dance partner you got
just like any good dance partner you got to pay attention to the other person or
to pay attention to the other person or
to pay attention to the other person or else you’re just gonna keep stepping on
else you’re just gonna keep stepping on
else you’re just gonna keep stepping on each other’s toes and if you do that
each other’s toes and if you do that
each other’s toes and if you do that enough you’re gonna have to find a new
enough you’re gonna have to find a new
enough you’re gonna have to find a new dance partner and nobody wants to do
dance partner and nobody wants to do
dance partner and nobody wants to do that so I would like for you to take a
that so I would like for you to take a
that so I would like for you to take a moment to think about your significant
moment to think about your significant
moment to think about your significant others the people who are most important
others the people who are most important
others the people who are most important to you
to you
to you what are their likes and dislikes their
what are their likes and dislikes their
what are their likes and dislikes their wants their needs
wants their needs
wants their needs do they like dark chocolate or milk
do they like dark chocolate or milk
do they like dark chocolate or milk chocolate
chocolate
chocolate do they like surprises or do they like
do they like surprises or do they like
do they like surprises or do they like to plan things out do they like mushy
to plan things out do they like mushy
to plan things out do they like mushy sappy emotional holiday cards or do they
sappy emotional holiday cards or do they
sappy emotional holiday cards or do they like the funny raunchy ones do they like
like the funny raunchy ones do they like
like the funny raunchy ones do they like to text or do they prefer to call
to text or do they prefer to call
to text or do they prefer to call because they like to hear your voice are
because they like to hear your voice are
because they like to hear your voice are you treating them the way they want to
you treating them the way they want to
you treating them the way they want to be treated in closing don’t get me wrong
be treated in closing don’t get me wrong
be treated in closing don’t get me wrong the golden role is a wonderful rule and
the golden role is a wonderful rule and
the golden role is a wonderful rule and I do think that we need to continue
I do think that we need to continue
I do think that we need to continue teaching that rule to our children after
teaching that rule to our children after
teaching that rule to our children after all it’s a great way for us to teach
all it’s a great way for us to teach
all it’s a great way for us to teach them about empathy and to get them to
them about empathy and to get them to
them about empathy and to get them to understand the importance of being able
understand the importance of being able
understand the importance of being able to just get along with other people and
to just get along with other people and
to just get along with other people and also it’s a relief to know that it is
also it’s a relief to know that it is
also it’s a relief to know that it is still being taught all over the world by
still being taught all over the world by
still being taught all over the world by many different faiths from age 1 on up
many different faiths from age 1 on up
many different faiths from age 1 on up but you and I also know that as we grow
but you and I also know that as we grow
but you and I also know that as we grow older we become more complex individuals
older we become more complex individuals
older we become more complex individuals and our relationships become more
and our relationships become more
and our relationships become more complex so we need a rule that is a
complex so we need a rule that is a
complex so we need a rule that is a reflection of that complexity so let’s
reflection of that complexity so let’s
reflection of that complexity so let’s do something different
do something different
do something different let’s stop treating others the way we
let’s stop treating others the way we
let’s stop treating others the way we want to be treated and let’s start
want to be treated and let’s start
want to be treated and let’s start treating others the way they want to be
treating others the way they want to be
treating others the way they want to be treat it thank you
treat it thank you
treat it thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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