most of us focus on time wondering how much time we have left to create
much time we have left to create
much time we have left to create wondering how much time we have left to
wondering how much time we have left to
wondering how much time we have left to change and also spending so much time
change and also spending so much time
change and also spending so much time trying to manage our time what if the
trying to manage our time what if the
trying to manage our time what if the creation process for our goals and hopes
creation process for our goals and hopes
creation process for our goals and hopes and dreams could be shrunk well I found
and dreams could be shrunk well I found
and dreams could be shrunk well I found a way to do it and for me it was by
a way to do it and for me it was by
a way to do it and for me it was by embracing my dark side so what is a dark
embracing my dark side so what is a dark
embracing my dark side so what is a dark side a dark side is that place that we
side a dark side is that place that we
side a dark side is that place that we would rather not show other people and a
would rather not show other people and a
would rather not show other people and a lot of times it’s the face that we put
lot of times it’s the face that we put
lot of times it’s the face that we put on to cover it up and a lot of times it
on to cover it up and a lot of times it
on to cover it up and a lot of times it has some sort of shame and guilt wrapped
has some sort of shame and guilt wrapped
has some sort of shame and guilt wrapped around it my dark side I’m selfish I’m
around it my dark side I’m selfish I’m
around it my dark side I’m selfish I’m judgmental and I’m a liar and once I
judgmental and I’m a liar and once I
judgmental and I’m a liar and once I started to say these things without
started to say these things without
started to say these things without apology and without shame and guilt it’s
apology and without shame and guilt it’s
apology and without shame and guilt it’s become so much easier to create in my
become so much easier to create in my
become so much easier to create in my life in a shorter amount of time I am
life in a shorter amount of time I am
life in a shorter amount of time I am the most important person in my life I
the most important person in my life I
the most important person in my life I want everybody to try and say that with
want everybody to try and say that with
want everybody to try and say that with me say I am the most important person in
me say I am the most important person in
me say I am the most important person in my life now for some of you it may have
my life now for some of you it may have
my life now for some of you it may have felt super awkward to say that
felt super awkward to say that
felt super awkward to say that especially as women we think about what
especially as women we think about what
especially as women we think about what about my partner and my kids and my pets
about my partner and my kids and my pets
about my partner and my kids and my pets my community some of you may not have
my community some of you may not have
my community some of you may not have been able to say it at all because it
been able to say it at all because it
been able to say it at all because it felt that awkward and for some of you
felt that awkward and for some of you
felt that awkward and for some of you you may have had a bit of judgment for
you may have had a bit of judgment for
you may have had a bit of judgment for me being able to say that knowing that I
me being able to say that knowing that I
me being able to say that knowing that I am weeks away from becoming a mother so
am weeks away from becoming a mother so
am weeks away from becoming a mother so my invitation is that we redefine
my invitation is that we redefine
my invitation is that we redefine selfishness selfishness is often looked
selfishness selfishness is often looked
selfishness selfishness is often looked at as a negative thing because we
at as a negative thing because we
at as a negative thing because we associate it with taking away from
associate it with taking away from
associate it with taking away from somebody else for our own gain
somebody else for our own gain
somebody else for our own gain what if being selfish actually looked
what if being selfish actually looked
what if being selfish actually looked like asking for
like asking for
like asking for what we wanted and what we needed in
what we wanted and what we needed in
what we wanted and what we needed in order to powerfully show up for other
order to powerfully show up for other
order to powerfully show up for other people and deliver in ways that we’ve
people and deliver in ways that we’ve
people and deliver in ways that we’ve never been able to do before women have
never been able to do before women have
never been able to do before women have this amazing ability to grow wherever
this amazing ability to grow wherever
this amazing ability to grow wherever they’re planted we are those little
they’re planted we are those little
they’re planted we are those little weeds that spring up in the cracks of
weeds that spring up in the cracks of
weeds that spring up in the cracks of cement and make things work the most
cement and make things work the most
cement and make things work the most impossible situations and the hard part
impossible situations and the hard part
impossible situations and the hard part is is that we take pride in being able
is is that we take pride in being able
is is that we take pride in being able to build something with absolutely
to build something with absolutely
to build something with absolutely nothing and because of that it really
nothing and because of that it really
nothing and because of that it really takes a toll because how much more could
takes a toll because how much more could
takes a toll because how much more could we create if we actually asked for the
we create if we actually asked for the
we create if we actually asked for the things that we needed so I want us to
things that we needed so I want us to
things that we needed so I want us to redefine selfishness as being able to
redefine selfishness as being able to
redefine selfishness as being able to give more powerfully by asking for what
give more powerfully by asking for what
give more powerfully by asking for what we need and it’s when I started to do
we need and it’s when I started to do
we need and it’s when I started to do this I started to ask for what I needed
this I started to ask for what I needed
this I started to ask for what I needed and for what I wanted and embrace that
and for what I wanted and embrace that
and for what I wanted and embrace that selfishness that I started to bend time
selfishness that I started to bend time
selfishness that I started to bend time and maybe being selfish is the most
and maybe being selfish is the most
and maybe being selfish is the most selfless thing we could do so I was a
selfless thing we could do so I was a
selfless thing we could do so I was a dentist in my former life and I grew up
dentist in my former life and I grew up
dentist in my former life and I grew up in a small town in New Mexico eight
in a small town in New Mexico eight
in a small town in New Mexico eight thousand people and I remember being in
thousand people and I remember being in
thousand people and I remember being in my high school communications class
my high school communications class
my high school communications class senior year and everybody in my class
senior year and everybody in my class
senior year and everybody in my class was super optimistic about you know that
was super optimistic about you know that
was super optimistic about you know that feeling that you get when you’re about
feeling that you get when you’re about
feeling that you get when you’re about to graduate high school and the whole
to graduate high school and the whole
to graduate high school and the whole world is your oyster type of thing and
world is your oyster type of thing and
world is your oyster type of thing and our counselor came in to talk to us
our counselor came in to talk to us
our counselor came in to talk to us about what what you want to be when you
about what what you want to be when you
about what what you want to be when you grow up basically and he came in and he
grow up basically and he came in and he
grow up basically and he came in and he asked us what do you want to do when you
asked us what do you want to do when you
asked us what do you want to do when you leave here people’s hands went up I want
leave here people’s hands went up I want
leave here people’s hands went up I want to be an attorney I want to be a
to be an attorney I want to be a
to be an attorney I want to be a physical therapist I want to be a
physical therapist I want to be a
physical therapist I want to be a fashion designer and he said just so you
fashion designer and he said just so you
fashion designer and he said just so you know nobody from this high school has
know nobody from this high school has
know nobody from this high school has ever completed professional school and
ever completed professional school and
ever completed professional school and the most any of you can hope for is
the most any of you can hope for is
the most any of you can hope for is hamburger University
hamburger University
hamburger University now fast-forward 15 years and I am a
now fast-forward 15 years and I am a
now fast-forward 15 years and I am a practicing dentist and I am living a
practicing dentist and I am living a
practicing dentist and I am living a checklist lifestyle now a checklist
checklist lifestyle now a checklist
checklist lifestyle now a checklist lifestyle are all the things that I
lifestyle are all the things that I
lifestyle are all the things that I thought that I needed to be happy I had
thought that I needed to be happy I had
thought that I needed to be happy I had two degrees I’m married I gave birth to
two degrees I’m married I gave birth to
two degrees I’m married I gave birth to my son in a tub naturally without any
my son in a tub naturally without any
my son in a tub naturally without any medications I recycled I volunteered and
medications I recycled I volunteered and
medications I recycled I volunteered and I drove a Prius
I drove a Prius
I drove a Prius I even cared if my organic chickens that
I even cared if my organic chickens that
I even cared if my organic chickens that I ate had a happy life and the truth was
I ate had a happy life and the truth was
I ate had a happy life and the truth was I probably cared more if those chickens
I probably cared more if those chickens
I probably cared more if those chickens had a happy life then I cared if I had a
had a happy life then I cared if I had a
had a happy life then I cared if I had a happy life because once I started on
happy life because once I started on
happy life because once I started on this path of checking off all of these
this path of checking off all of these
this path of checking off all of these things that would give me happiness I
things that would give me happiness I
things that would give me happiness I started noticing that my hobby became
started noticing that my hobby became
started noticing that my hobby became judging people and I was finding myself
judging people and I was finding myself
judging people and I was finding myself in talking to you so I would compare how
in talking to you so I would compare how
in talking to you so I would compare how many degrees I had with you so I could
many degrees I had with you so I could
many degrees I had with you so I could feel special I would compare my
feel special I would compare my
feel special I would compare my volunteer activities with yours or your
volunteer activities with yours or your
volunteer activities with yours or your lack thereof so I could feel special and
lack thereof so I could feel special and
lack thereof so I could feel special and when I started to really get this I
when I started to really get this I
when I started to really get this I realized that because I wasn’t being who
realized that because I wasn’t being who
realized that because I wasn’t being who I needed to be I was spending all of my
I needed to be I was spending all of my
I needed to be I was spending all of my time judging you
time judging you
time judging you time started to shift for me once I
time started to shift for me once I
time started to shift for me once I could admit that I actually wasn’t
could admit that I actually wasn’t
could admit that I actually wasn’t judging you that I was judging myself
judging you that I was judging myself
judging you that I was judging myself against you now at this point in my life
against you now at this point in my life
against you now at this point in my life I wish I could say I was so miserable
I wish I could say I was so miserable
I wish I could say I was so miserable and upset but I wasn’t miserable I had
and upset but I wasn’t miserable I had
and upset but I wasn’t miserable I had that feeling of something being off and
that feeling of something being off and
that feeling of something being off and something being really uneasy and not
something being really uneasy and not
something being really uneasy and not knowing how I had this great life right
knowing how I had this great life right
knowing how I had this great life right and still felt like it wasn’t enough and
and still felt like it wasn’t enough and
and still felt like it wasn’t enough and the problem with not being miserable
the problem with not being miserable
the problem with not being miserable is that you don’t know that you have to
is that you don’t know that you have to
is that you don’t know that you have to change and once I started looking at why
change and once I started looking at why
change and once I started looking at why I wasn’t miserable it was because I had
I wasn’t miserable it was because I had
I wasn’t miserable it was because I had become such a professional at lying to
become such a professional at lying to
become such a professional at lying to myself I had told myself that I really
myself I had told myself that I really
myself I had told myself that I really wanted to be a dentist and that it was
wanted to be a dentist and that it was
wanted to be a dentist and that it was my dream but going back to the
my dream but going back to the
my dream but going back to the conversation that I had in high school
conversation that I had in high school
conversation that I had in high school and the message that I got from my
and the message that I got from my
and the message that I got from my counselor it’s not that I wanted to be a
counselor it’s not that I wanted to be a
counselor it’s not that I wanted to be a dentist and that it was my dream my
dentist and that it was my dream my
dentist and that it was my dream my dream was to not feel insignificant and
dream was to not feel insignificant and
dream was to not feel insignificant and when I started looking at all the other
when I started looking at all the other
when I started looking at all the other decisions that I was making it was
decisions that I was making it was
decisions that I was making it was really easy to see where I was lying to
really easy to see where I was lying to
really easy to see where I was lying to myself about why I was making those
myself about why I was making those
myself about why I was making those decisions I started noticing that I had
decisions I started noticing that I had
decisions I started noticing that I had this list of everything that I cared for
this list of everything that I cared for
this list of everything that I cared for but I actually stood for nothing
but I actually stood for nothing
but I actually stood for nothing all of my time was being diverted into
all of my time was being diverted into
all of my time was being diverted into causes that maybe I didn’t care for and
causes that maybe I didn’t care for and
causes that maybe I didn’t care for and not to say that those causes aren’t
not to say that those causes aren’t
not to say that those causes aren’t great but the question I had to start
great but the question I had to start
great but the question I had to start asking myself is him I the person to do
asking myself is him I the person to do
asking myself is him I the person to do something about everything and if I
something about everything and if I
something about everything and if I could focus my time and my energy in one
could focus my time and my energy in one
could focus my time and my energy in one area how could I impact and actually
area how could I impact and actually
area how could I impact and actually make a change instead of looking like I
make a change instead of looking like I
make a change instead of looking like I was making a change my pursue of
was making a change my pursue of
was making a change my pursue of sainthood was really wasting a lot of my
sainthood was really wasting a lot of my
sainthood was really wasting a lot of my time and I wasn’t being effective in any
time and I wasn’t being effective in any
time and I wasn’t being effective in any of those areas time finally started to
of those areas time finally started to
of those areas time finally started to shift for me when I could hold up all of
shift for me when I could hold up all of
shift for me when I could hold up all of my choices to the light and see which
my choices to the light and see which
my choices to the light and see which ones were lies so today I’m not a
ones were lies so today I’m not a
ones were lies so today I’m not a dentist anymore I ask for what I want
dentist anymore I ask for what I want
dentist anymore I ask for what I want and for what I need and no is a complete
and for what I need and no is a complete
and for what I need and no is a complete sentence that I can say
without apology and without explanation
without apology and without explanation I’ve diverted my energy into mentoring
I’ve diverted my energy into mentoring
I’ve diverted my energy into mentoring women something that I’m super
women something that I’m super
women something that I’m super passionate about and left behind
passionate about and left behind
passionate about and left behind something that I thought gave me an
something that I thought gave me an
something that I thought gave me an identity so today my invitation to
identity so today my invitation to
identity so today my invitation to everybody is to explore your dark side
everybody is to explore your dark side
everybody is to explore your dark side that area where you don’t want people to
that area where you don’t want people to
that area where you don’t want people to see where there may be some shame and
see where there may be some shame and
see where there may be some shame and guilt and ask yourself how have those
guilt and ask yourself how have those
guilt and ask yourself how have those things perfectly prepared you for the
things perfectly prepared you for the
things perfectly prepared you for the future that you need to step into next I
future that you need to step into next I
future that you need to step into next I invite you to redefine selfishness as
invite you to redefine selfishness as
invite you to redefine selfishness as the most selfless thing that you can do
the most selfless thing that you can do
the most selfless thing that you can do not only for yourselves but for your
not only for yourselves but for your
not only for yourselves but for your communities and for your family and
communities and for your family and
communities and for your family and finally I ask you that if you came here
finally I ask you that if you came here
finally I ask you that if you came here today and have any of these places where
today and have any of these places where
today and have any of these places where you feel undecided to just make a
you feel undecided to just make a
you feel undecided to just make a decision make a decision today that will
decision make a decision today that will
decision make a decision today that will change your life and the direction and
change your life and the direction and
change your life and the direction and the course and the impact that you have
the course and the impact that you have
the course and the impact that you have on everyone around you forever
”
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