[Applause] hi I’m Natalie and I’m a recovering
hi I’m Natalie and I’m a recovering
hi I’m Natalie and I’m a recovering perfectionist growing up I used to be a
perfectionist growing up I used to be a
perfectionist growing up I used to be a very type A personality I was involved
very type A personality I was involved
very type A personality I was involved in just about everything that I could be
in just about everything that I could be
in just about everything that I could be I was a straight-a student since second
I was a straight-a student since second
I was a straight-a student since second grade since that one time I got to be in
grade since that one time I got to be in
grade since that one time I got to be in gym and I had above a 4.0 GPA all
gym and I had above a 4.0 GPA all
gym and I had above a 4.0 GPA all through high school I was a dancer in
through high school I was a dancer in
through high school I was a dancer in color guard and on dance team and I just
color guard and on dance team and I just
color guard and on dance team and I just extended myself to everything that I
extended myself to everything that I
extended myself to everything that I possibly could
possibly could
possibly could I’m the co-president of the National
I’m the co-president of the National
I’m the co-president of the National Honor Society I’m part of the National
Honor Society I’m part of the National
Honor Society I’m part of the National Art Honor Society and I’m in most of the
Art Honor Society and I’m in most of the
Art Honor Society and I’m in most of the clubs in this school it seems great
clubs in this school it seems great
clubs in this school it seems great until you lose yourself I got caught up
until you lose yourself I got caught up
until you lose yourself I got caught up in a whirlwind of all these different
in a whirlwind of all these different
in a whirlwind of all these different activities and expectations and resume
activities and expectations and resume
activities and expectations and resume builders high schoolers these days are
builders high schoolers these days are
builders high schoolers these days are taught that more equates better and we
taught that more equates better and we
taught that more equates better and we all want to do more and be more in this
all want to do more and be more in this
all want to do more and be more in this world and this is all great until you
world and this is all great until you
world and this is all great until you stop taking care of yourself and that’s
stop taking care of yourself and that’s
stop taking care of yourself and that’s when I developed an eating disorder I
when I developed an eating disorder I
when I developed an eating disorder I always thought that anorexia was
always thought that anorexia was
always thought that anorexia was reserved for the Karen Carpenter’s of
reserved for the Karen Carpenter’s of
reserved for the Karen Carpenter’s of the world the ones who are emaciated and
the world the ones who are emaciated and
the world the ones who are emaciated and literally on their deathbed but I was
literally on their deathbed but I was
literally on their deathbed but I was painfully wrong I thought that in this
painfully wrong I thought that in this
painfully wrong I thought that in this spinning whirlwind that was my crazy and
spinning whirlwind that was my crazy and
spinning whirlwind that was my crazy and awesome life that I needed to gain
awesome life that I needed to gain
awesome life that I needed to gain control over something and for me that
control over something and for me that
control over something and for me that was my body and what I ate and I saw all
was my body and what I ate and I saw all
was my body and what I ate and I saw all these media messages about the perfect
these media messages about the perfect
these media messages about the perfect diet and how to work out to get the flat
diet and how to work out to get the flat
diet and how to work out to get the flat abs and
abs and
abs and the gap of your dreams and I got caught
the gap of your dreams and I got caught
the gap of your dreams and I got caught up in it and it slowly became obsessive
up in it and it slowly became obsessive
up in it and it slowly became obsessive and I wanted it to be perfect just like
and I wanted it to be perfect just like
and I wanted it to be perfect just like everything else and it slowly started to
everything else and it slowly started to
everything else and it slowly started to deteriorate my life and I became a shell
deteriorate my life and I became a shell
deteriorate my life and I became a shell of the girl that I used to be and I was
of the girl that I used to be and I was
of the girl that I used to be and I was miserable and I needed to seek treatment
miserable and I needed to seek treatment
miserable and I needed to seek treatment so I left school for 12 weeks and during
so I left school for 12 weeks and during
so I left school for 12 weeks and during my junior year in order to get better
my junior year in order to get better
my junior year in order to get better and it was the hardest thing that I’ve
and it was the hardest thing that I’ve
and it was the hardest thing that I’ve ever done i sat in the office of my
ever done i sat in the office of my
ever done i sat in the office of my therapist and I was like how can I leave
therapist and I was like how can I leave
therapist and I was like how can I leave school how can I leave dance
school how can I leave dance
school how can I leave dance you’re asking me to not move you’re
you’re asking me to not move you’re
you’re asking me to not move you’re asking me to sit on the couch and eat
asking me to sit on the couch and eat
asking me to sit on the couch and eat Cheetos like how am I supposed to do
Cheetos like how am I supposed to do
Cheetos like how am I supposed to do this and they were like Natalie you’re
this and they were like Natalie you’re
this and they were like Natalie you’re so sick you need to take a break and so
so sick you need to take a break and so
so sick you need to take a break and so reluctantly I did and it saved my life
reluctantly I did and it saved my life
reluctantly I did and it saved my life and after 12 weeks I was physically
and after 12 weeks I was physically
and after 12 weeks I was physically better enough to come back to school and
better enough to come back to school and
better enough to come back to school and devote myself to my academics again but
devote myself to my academics again but
devote myself to my academics again but I was still struggling mentally and I
I was still struggling mentally and I
I was still struggling mentally and I slowly relapsed and it we knew that I
slowly relapsed and it we knew that I
slowly relapsed and it we knew that I was going to need to go to treatment
was going to need to go to treatment
was going to need to go to treatment again but this time it was a longer
again but this time it was a longer
again but this time it was a longer process I spent my summer not long ago
process I spent my summer not long ago
process I spent my summer not long ago in Miami and it was beautiful but it was
in Miami and it was beautiful but it was
in Miami and it was beautiful but it was also terrible I was in a residential
also terrible I was in a residential
also terrible I was in a residential treatment center with six other girls
treatment center with six other girls
treatment center with six other girls and we were asked to do so much and so
and we were asked to do so much and so
and we were asked to do so much and so little at the same time every day we
little at the same time every day we
little at the same time every day we woke up and we ate breakfast and then we
woke up and we ate breakfast and then we
woke up and we ate breakfast and then we had therapy and then we had a morning
had therapy and then we had a morning
had therapy and then we had a morning snack and then we had more therapy or
snack and then we had more therapy or
snack and then we had more therapy or some other type of group exercise and
some other type of group exercise and
some other type of group exercise and then we had lunch and then we did some
then we had lunch and then we did some
then we had lunch and then we did some crying and some screaming into pillows
crying and some screaming into pillows
crying and some screaming into pillows and then
and then
and then we had another snack and then we had
we had another snack and then we had
we had another snack and then we had yoga and then we had dinner and then we
yoga and then we had dinner and then we
yoga and then we had dinner and then we went back to our town house and hung out
went back to our town house and hung out
went back to our town house and hung out and then we had to eat another snack and
and then we had to eat another snack and
and then we had to eat another snack and then we went to bed and this was every
then we went to bed and this was every
then we went to bed and this was every day for almost two and a half months and
day for almost two and a half months and
day for almost two and a half months and it was exhausting
it was exhausting
it was exhausting but it was exhausting because I for the
but it was exhausting because I for the
but it was exhausting because I for the first time in years I had to reflect on
first time in years I had to reflect on
first time in years I had to reflect on myself and I was wondering I’m like how
myself and I was wondering I’m like how
myself and I was wondering I’m like how am I ever going to get out of this
am I ever going to get out of this
am I ever going to get out of this because I need to be perfect I can’t
because I need to be perfect I can’t
because I need to be perfect I can’t walk around and have bigger legs and
walk around and have bigger legs and
walk around and have bigger legs and stomach rolls and what is going to
stomach rolls and what is going to
stomach rolls and what is going to happen like I can’t do that I’d rather
happen like I can’t do that I’d rather
happen like I can’t do that I’d rather be dead and I had to come to the
be dead and I had to come to the
be dead and I had to come to the realization that it wasn’t my body that
realization that it wasn’t my body that
realization that it wasn’t my body that was the problem it wasn’t my eating
was the problem it wasn’t my eating
was the problem it wasn’t my eating habit that were the problem it was my
habit that were the problem it was my
habit that were the problem it was my perfectionism so what is perfectionism
perfectionism so what is perfectionism
perfectionism so what is perfectionism it’s the refusal to accept any standard
it’s the refusal to accept any standard
it’s the refusal to accept any standard short of perfection for a while I even
short of perfection for a while I even
short of perfection for a while I even denied that I was a perfectionist I
denied that I was a perfectionist I
denied that I was a perfectionist I would say something along the lines of I
would say something along the lines of I
would say something along the lines of I have a 94 in calc BC right now how could
have a 94 in calc BC right now how could
have a 94 in calc BC right now how could I be a perfectionist I’m not even trying
I be a perfectionist I’m not even trying
I be a perfectionist I’m not even trying that hard and just that saying shows how
that hard and just that saying shows how
that hard and just that saying shows how deeply ingrained and ridiculous it is
deeply ingrained and ridiculous it is
deeply ingrained and ridiculous it is everyone in our society seems to hold
everyone in our society seems to hold
everyone in our society seems to hold themselves to these impossibly high
themselves to these impossibly high
themselves to these impossibly high standards and we believe that our
standards and we believe that our
standards and we believe that our imperfections are our fault we’re taught
imperfections are our fault we’re taught
imperfections are our fault we’re taught to think that our frizzy hair or low IQ
to think that our frizzy hair or low IQ
to think that our frizzy hair or low IQ or bad test grades or wrinkled clothes
or bad test grades or wrinkled clothes
or bad test grades or wrinkled clothes are something that we are responsible
are something that we are responsible
are something that we are responsible for fixing on a daily basis and that’s
for fixing on a daily basis and that’s
for fixing on a daily basis and that’s wrong
wrong
wrong you can’t fix something that you were
you can’t fix something that you were
you can’t fix something that you were born with it’s different from the rest
born with it’s different from the rest
born with it’s different from the rest of society it’s something that you have
of society it’s something that you have
of society it’s something that you have to grow with and learn with and turn
to grow with and learn with and turn
to grow with and learn with and turn into your life rather than trying to run
into your life rather than trying to run
into your life rather than trying to run away from it and that’s when the nasty a
away from it and that’s when the nasty a
away from it and that’s when the nasty a word comes in
word comes in
word comes in not that one but this one acceptance
not that one but this one acceptance
not that one but this one acceptance acceptance is a long process that you
acceptance is a long process that you
acceptance is a long process that you have to work on pretty much forever I
have to work on pretty much forever I
have to work on pretty much forever I mean I am still accepting who I am and
mean I am still accepting who I am and
mean I am still accepting who I am and where I am and when you deal with
where I am and when you deal with
where I am and when you deal with perfectionism or extremely high
perfectionism or extremely high
perfectionism or extremely high standards you have to work on accepting
standards you have to work on accepting
standards you have to work on accepting your flaws just as much as I do but
your flaws just as much as I do but
your flaws just as much as I do but there I have five steps to combating
there I have five steps to combating
there I have five steps to combating perfectionism and turning your life into
perfectionism and turning your life into
perfectionism and turning your life into something that’s meaningful and has
something that’s meaningful and has
something that’s meaningful and has happiness in it number one
happiness in it number one
happiness in it number one remove the all-or-nothing mindset this
remove the all-or-nothing mindset this
remove the all-or-nothing mindset this an example of this is if I don’t go to
an example of this is if I don’t go to
an example of this is if I don’t go to an Ivy League college I’m dumb that’s
an Ivy League college I’m dumb that’s
an Ivy League college I’m dumb that’s ridiculous there’s so many shades in
ridiculous there’s so many shades in
ridiculous there’s so many shades in between two extremes of thinking and we
between two extremes of thinking and we
between two extremes of thinking and we tend to get caught up in this
tend to get caught up in this
tend to get caught up in this all-or-nothing mindset like cake is bad
all-or-nothing mindset like cake is bad
all-or-nothing mindset like cake is bad and vegetables are good and there’s
and vegetables are good and there’s
and vegetables are good and there’s nothing in between but that’s not true
nothing in between but that’s not true
nothing in between but that’s not true there’s balance and there’s joy and
there’s balance and there’s joy and
there’s balance and there’s joy and there’s an all-inclusive lifestyle that
there’s an all-inclusive lifestyle that
there’s an all-inclusive lifestyle that you can live number two start saying no
you can live number two start saying no
you can live number two start saying no and this seems a little hypocritical
and this seems a little hypocritical
and this seems a little hypocritical because this week has been extremely
because this week has been extremely
because this week has been extremely busy for me I’ve had my NHS banquet last
busy for me I’ve had my NHS banquet last
busy for me I’ve had my NHS banquet last night I have a dance recital this
night I have a dance recital this
night I have a dance recital this weekend and I’m very stressed out but
weekend and I’m very stressed out but
weekend and I’m very stressed out but it’s a learning experience and we and
it’s a learning experience and we and
it’s a learning experience and we and I’m realizing that I need to take my own
I’m realizing that I need to take my own
I’m realizing that I need to take my own advice and saying no is the most
advice and saying no is the most
advice and saying no is the most important thing that you can do when
important thing that you can do when
important thing that you can do when you’re so overwhelmed and so stressed
you’re so overwhelmed and so stressed
you’re so overwhelmed and so stressed out
out
out you cannot pour from an empty cup you
you cannot pour from an empty cup you
you cannot pour from an empty cup you can’t give yourself fully to what you
can’t give yourself fully to what you
can’t give yourself fully to what you want to do when you are overextended in
want to do when you are overextended in
want to do when you are overextended in too many places so you need to protect
too many places so you need to protect
too many places so you need to protect yourself and say no to the things you
yourself and say no to the things you
yourself and say no to the things you don’t want to do
number three make a gratitude list this
number three make a gratitude list this is important when you feel like
is important when you feel like
is important when you feel like something is overwhelming taking over
something is overwhelming taking over
something is overwhelming taking over your life and you feel like it’s the end
your life and you feel like it’s the end
your life and you feel like it’s the end of the world like you get an 89 on your
of the world like you get an 89 on your
of the world like you get an 89 on your chemistry test and you’re like I’m gonna
chemistry test and you’re like I’m gonna
chemistry test and you’re like I’m gonna fail out of high school not true if you
fail out of high school not true if you
fail out of high school not true if you make a list of all the things that
make a list of all the things that
make a list of all the things that you’re thankful for like a roof over
you’re thankful for like a roof over
you’re thankful for like a roof over your head clean water a family legs to
your head clean water a family legs to
your head clean water a family legs to walk on being privileged enough to live
walk on being privileged enough to live
walk on being privileged enough to live in the United States of America and
in the United States of America and
in the United States of America and create all that plastic you will realize
create all that plastic you will realize
create all that plastic you will realize that your mountain is actually a
that your mountain is actually a
that your mountain is actually a molehill and you can take a step back
molehill and you can take a step back
molehill and you can take a step back and a better perspective on what’s going
and a better perspective on what’s going
and a better perspective on what’s going on number four use positive affirmations
on number four use positive affirmations
on number four use positive affirmations I’m sure some of you have heard these
I’m sure some of you have heard these
I’m sure some of you have heard these and think it might be kind of stupid to
and think it might be kind of stupid to
and think it might be kind of stupid to stand in the mirror in the morning and
stand in the mirror in the morning and
stand in the mirror in the morning and be like I’m pretty I’m awesome but
be like I’m pretty I’m awesome but
be like I’m pretty I’m awesome but positive affirmations for me are a
positive affirmations for me are a
positive affirmations for me are a calming statement when I’m in a state of
calming statement when I’m in a state of
calming statement when I’m in a state of terror like when you’re driving and you
terror like when you’re driving and you
terror like when you’re driving and you realize you’re lost and you have no idea
realize you’re lost and you have no idea
realize you’re lost and you have no idea what to do when you’re like do I pull
what to do when you’re like do I pull
what to do when you’re like do I pull off the road like what’s going on and
off the road like what’s going on and
off the road like what’s going on and you say to yourself I am strong I can do
you say to yourself I am strong I can do
you say to yourself I am strong I can do this and that is just a simple phrase
this and that is just a simple phrase
this and that is just a simple phrase and you say that to yourself when you
and you say that to yourself when you
and you say that to yourself when you are in turmoil and you bring yourself
are in turmoil and you bring yourself
are in turmoil and you bring yourself down from that high anxiety high
down from that high anxiety high
down from that high anxiety high perfectionistic thinking number five
perfectionistic thinking number five
perfectionistic thinking number five love yourself
love yourself
love yourself this is a common trend of a lot of the
this is a common trend of a lot of the
this is a common trend of a lot of the talks that have gone on today and the
talks that have gone on today and the
talks that have gone on today and the reason that everyone is saying it is
reason that everyone is saying it is
reason that everyone is saying it is because it’s so true and so important
because it’s so true and so important
because it’s so true and so important because if you don’t care for yourself
because if you don’t care for yourself
because if you don’t care for yourself then you don’t let the love of others in
then you don’t let the love of others in
then you don’t let the love of others in and I experienced this myself when I was
and I experienced this myself when I was
and I experienced this myself when I was going through my shrubs I wasn’t letting
going through my shrubs I wasn’t letting
going through my shrubs I wasn’t letting anyone else into my life I was so
anyone else into my life I was so
anyone else into my life I was so isolated and so sad but now that I am
isolated and so sad but now that I am
isolated and so sad but now that I am more open and more generous and more in
more open and more generous and more in
more open and more generous and more in love with myself
love with myself
love with myself I let the love in
I let the love in
I let the love in and this is it doesn’t have to be bubble
and this is it doesn’t have to be bubble
and this is it doesn’t have to be bubble baths and lighting candles and coloring
baths and lighting candles and coloring
baths and lighting candles and coloring pretty pictures loving yourself is
pretty pictures loving yourself is
pretty pictures loving yourself is taking care of yourself it means going
taking care of yourself it means going
taking care of yourself it means going to bed when you’re tired it means
to bed when you’re tired it means
to bed when you’re tired it means staying home when you’re sick and it
staying home when you’re sick and it
staying home when you’re sick and it means letting others know what you need
means letting others know what you need
means letting others know what you need from them to support you so that you
from them to support you so that you
from them to support you so that you don’t get too strung out and end up
don’t get too strung out and end up
don’t get too strung out and end up having more harm done
Brene brown a author and shane studier
Brene brown a author and shane studier and inspiration says that perfectionism
and inspiration says that perfectionism
and inspiration says that perfectionism is a 20-ton shield that we lug around
is a 20-ton shield that we lug around
is a 20-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when in fact
thinking it will protect us when in fact
thinking it will protect us when in fact it’s the thing that’s really presenting
it’s the thing that’s really presenting
it’s the thing that’s really presenting us from taking flight so if you take
us from taking flight so if you take
us from taking flight so if you take anything home tonight from this talk is
anything home tonight from this talk is
anything home tonight from this talk is that you don’t have to be perfect you
that you don’t have to be perfect you
that you don’t have to be perfect you don’t have to be everything to everyone
don’t have to be everything to everyone
don’t have to be everything to everyone because you can’t be it’s not physically
because you can’t be it’s not physically
because you can’t be it’s not physically possible so this is your permission to
possible so this is your permission to
possible so this is your permission to take a rest take a break ask for a break
take a rest take a break ask for a break
take a rest take a break ask for a break email your teacher and ask them to turn
email your teacher and ask them to turn
email your teacher and ask them to turn in your outline a day late and they’ll
in your outline a day late and they’ll
in your outline a day late and they’ll probably let you do it if you are
probably let you do it if you are
probably let you do it if you are genuine and you are taking care of
genuine and you are taking care of
genuine and you are taking care of yourself you are going to live the best
yourself you are going to live the best
yourself you are going to live the best life that you can and that is the most
life that you can and that is the most
life that you can and that is the most important thing to take home thank you
important thing to take home thank you
important thing to take home thank you [Applause]
”
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