have you ever waited for something really big to happen like a breakthrough
really big to happen like a breakthrough
really big to happen like a breakthrough moment only to have it not show that was
moment only to have it not show that was
moment only to have it not show that was exactly what happened to me when my
exactly what happened to me when my
exactly what happened to me when my husband Brad and I moved to Bloomington
husband Brad and I moved to Bloomington
husband Brad and I moved to Bloomington Illinois about 11 years ago I had been a
Illinois about 11 years ago I had been a
Illinois about 11 years ago I had been a part-time Potter for 80 years and a
part-time Potter for 80 years and a
part-time Potter for 80 years and a full-time Potter for three my studio had
full-time Potter for three my studio had
full-time Potter for three my studio had always been in the garage in the kitchen
always been in the garage in the kitchen
always been in the garage in the kitchen a tiny spare room when we moved here we
a tiny spare room when we moved here we
a tiny spare room when we moved here we bought my dream house because for the
bought my dream house because for the
bought my dream house because for the first time in my life my ceramic studio
first time in my life my ceramic studio
first time in my life my ceramic studio was spacious it was beautiful it had
was spacious it was beautiful it had
was spacious it was beautiful it had windows that looked out into our
windows that looked out into our
windows that looked out into our backyard every time I stepped into my
backyard every time I stepped into my
backyard every time I stepped into my studio I couldn’t believe it was all
studio I couldn’t believe it was all
studio I couldn’t believe it was all mine then strange things started to
mine then strange things started to
mine then strange things started to happen I found myself doing dishes doing
happen I found myself doing dishes doing
happen I found myself doing dishes doing laundry instead of working in my
laundry instead of working in my
laundry instead of working in my beautiful studio let’s pause here for a
beautiful studio let’s pause here for a
beautiful studio let’s pause here for a moment and think through how crazy that
moment and think through how crazy that
moment and think through how crazy that is
is
is I chose laundry over working in the
I chose laundry over working in the
I chose laundry over working in the studio
studio
studio eventually I realized I was avoiding my
eventually I realized I was avoiding my
eventually I realized I was avoiding my studio because I was bored of my pots
studio because I was bored of my pots
studio because I was bored of my pots when I come in it to be a full-time
when I come in it to be a full-time
when I come in it to be a full-time Potter I worked really really hard to
Potter I worked really really hard to
Potter I worked really really hard to create ceramic pieces that were well
create ceramic pieces that were well
create ceramic pieces that were well liked by galleries and by customers my
liked by galleries and by customers my
liked by galleries and by customers my pots were beautiful they were intricate
pots were beautiful they were intricate
pots were beautiful they were intricate and people were always wowed by all the
and people were always wowed by all the
and people were always wowed by all the work that I put into each piece I had
work that I put into each piece I had
work that I put into each piece I had big dreams
big dreams
big dreams I wanted a beautiful ceramic studio
I wanted a beautiful ceramic studio
I wanted a beautiful ceramic studio which I now had and I wanted to be well
which I now had and I wanted to be well
which I now had and I wanted to be well known and well respected in the ceramics
known and well respected in the ceramics
known and well respected in the ceramics field I contacted all the right
field I contacted all the right
field I contacted all the right galleries to see if they were interested
galleries to see if they were interested
galleries to see if they were interested in my work and many of them were I
in my work and many of them were I
in my work and many of them were I applied to all the big ceramic shows in
applied to all the big ceramic shows in
applied to all the big ceramic shows in the country and my hard work was paying
the country and my hard work was paying
the country and my hard work was paying off because I was slowly building a name
off because I was slowly building a name
off because I was slowly building a name for myself yet there I was
for myself yet there I was
for myself yet there I was washing dishes in my kitchen instead of
washing dishes in my kitchen instead of
washing dishes in my kitchen instead of working in the studio at this point I
working in the studio at this point I
working in the studio at this point I knew that something had to change
knew that something had to change
knew that something had to change I had to either force myself to keep
I had to either force myself to keep
I had to either force myself to keep making these beautiful pots that bored
making these beautiful pots that bored
making these beautiful pots that bored me to do chores or I had to make drastic
me to do chores or I had to make drastic
me to do chores or I had to make drastic changes right around this time I I
changes right around this time I I
changes right around this time I I discover the possibility of going to
discover the possibility of going to
discover the possibility of going to graduate school at Illinois State
graduate school at Illinois State
graduate school at Illinois State University
University
University after weighing all my options I decided
after weighing all my options I decided
after weighing all my options I decided to go for it I applied to the MFA or
to go for it I applied to the MFA or
to go for it I applied to the MFA or Masters of Fine Arts program at ICU and
Masters of Fine Arts program at ICU and
Masters of Fine Arts program at ICU and was accepted for art getting your MFA is
was accepted for art getting your MFA is
was accepted for art getting your MFA is equivalent to earning a PhD I hope to my
equivalent to earning a PhD I hope to my
equivalent to earning a PhD I hope to my ceramics career right when it was on an
ceramics career right when it was on an
ceramics career right when it was on an upswing and at the tender age of 34 I
upswing and at the tender age of 34 I
upswing and at the tender age of 34 I found myself a student once again the
found myself a student once again the
found myself a student once again the year I started grad school was a
year I started grad school was a
year I started grad school was a momentous one not only had I upended my
momentous one not only had I upended my
momentous one not only had I upended my life and my career in order to reclaim
life and my career in order to reclaim
life and my career in order to reclaim my love and enthusiasm for clay Brad and
my love and enthusiasm for clay Brad and
my love and enthusiasm for clay Brad and I also decided it was time to start a
I also decided it was time to start a
I also decided it was time to start a family about a quarter of the way into
family about a quarter of the way into
family about a quarter of the way into my first year as a grad student I
my first year as a grad student I
my first year as a grad student I discovered I was pregnant
when the news of my impending motherhood
when the news of my impending motherhood was revealed many friends said Oh
was revealed many friends said Oh
was revealed many friends said Oh motherhood is gonna change you your life
motherhood is gonna change you your life
motherhood is gonna change you your life and your artwork I was ecstatic to hear
and your artwork I was ecstatic to hear
and your artwork I was ecstatic to hear this
this
this wasn’t having a breakthrough moment in
wasn’t having a breakthrough moment in
wasn’t having a breakthrough moment in my ceramics the sole purpose of going to
my ceramics the sole purpose of going to
my ceramics the sole purpose of going to grad school armed with grad school and
grad school armed with grad school and
grad school armed with grad school and motherhood there was no way I was going
motherhood there was no way I was going
motherhood there was no way I was going to miss out on that Eureka moment when
to miss out on that Eureka moment when
to miss out on that Eureka moment when the light bulb turns on and my pots were
the light bulb turns on and my pots were
the light bulb turns on and my pots were just magically wondrous and profound all
just magically wondrous and profound all
just magically wondrous and profound all through my pregnancy and into the first
through my pregnancy and into the first
through my pregnancy and into the first month’s of Grayson my son’s life I
month’s of Grayson my son’s life I
month’s of Grayson my son’s life I waited with bated breath for that knock
waited with bated breath for that knock
waited with bated breath for that knock to come and when that knock came I was
to come and when that knock came I was
to come and when that knock came I was going to fling the door wide open
going to fling the door wide open
going to fling the door wide open embrace my breakthrough moment invited
embrace my breakthrough moment invited
embrace my breakthrough moment invited to come inside and lock the door so he
to come inside and lock the door so he
to come inside and lock the door so he may never leave so I waited and waited
may never leave so I waited and waited
may never leave so I waited and waited and waited and you know what that knock
and waited and you know what that knock
and waited and you know what that knock it never came I mean sure my work had
it never came I mean sure my work had
it never came I mean sure my work had changed as you would expect but wouldn’t
changed as you would expect but wouldn’t
changed as you would expect but wouldn’t go to grad school but there was never
go to grad school but there was never
go to grad school but there was never this shining and glorious moment where I
this shining and glorious moment where I
this shining and glorious moment where I was suddenly inspired to make the most
was suddenly inspired to make the most
was suddenly inspired to make the most brilliant pots in my entire life and
brilliant pots in my entire life and
brilliant pots in my entire life and well I like the pots that I made I was
well I like the pots that I made I was
well I like the pots that I made I was there is always this vague and
there is always this vague and
there is always this vague and unsatisfied feeling that something was
unsatisfied feeling that something was
unsatisfied feeling that something was missing like my pots they didn’t glow
missing like my pots they didn’t glow
missing like my pots they didn’t glow from the aftermath of a visit from the
from the aftermath of a visit from the
from the aftermath of a visit from the inspiration motherhood indeed had
inspiration motherhood indeed had
inspiration motherhood indeed had changed me in my life my deep and
changed me in my life my deep and
changed me in my life my deep and complete love for Grayson was one that I
complete love for Grayson was one that I
complete love for Grayson was one that I could have never imagined my life was
could have never imagined my life was
could have never imagined my life was and never will be the same after this
and never will be the same after this
and never will be the same after this little person entered into our lives yet
little person entered into our lives yet
little person entered into our lives yet my word did not reflect those changes
my word did not reflect those changes
my word did not reflect those changes and perhaps more importantly I wasn’t
and perhaps more importantly I wasn’t
and perhaps more importantly I wasn’t inspired to make pots about those
inspired to make pots about those
inspired to make pots about those changes there was a gap a detachment
changes there was a gap a detachment
changes there was a gap a detachment between my work and motherhood I wanted
between my work and motherhood I wanted
between my work and motherhood I wanted to close that gap but I had no idea how
to close that gap but I had no idea how
to close that gap but I had no idea how to do it soon life is it
to do it soon life is it
to do it soon life is it usually does moved on my dream of having
usually does moved on my dream of having
usually does moved on my dream of having a breakthrough moment in my ceramics
a breakthrough moment in my ceramics
a breakthrough moment in my ceramics faded into the background I graduated
faded into the background I graduated
faded into the background I graduated and juggling life as a working mom and
and juggling life as a working mom and
and juggling life as a working mom and as a working artist soon took over the
as a working artist soon took over the
as a working artist soon took over the work I made before grad school and right
work I made before grad school and right
work I made before grad school and right after grad school would be considered
after grad school would be considered
after grad school would be considered non representational or abstract this
non representational or abstract this
non representational or abstract this meant that I used geometric shapes
meant that I used geometric shapes
meant that I used geometric shapes colors and lines I never ever used
colors and lines I never ever used
colors and lines I never ever used representational images or pictures of
representational images or pictures of
representational images or pictures of objects and things you would recognize I
objects and things you would recognize I
objects and things you would recognize I always believed that artwork should not
always believed that artwork should not
always believed that artwork should not I should not tell people what to think
I should not tell people what to think
I should not tell people what to think about my artwork like viewers should be
about my artwork like viewers should be
about my artwork like viewers should be able to look at my pots and figure it
able to look at my pots and figure it
able to look at my pots and figure it out for themselves so if I were to put a
out for themselves so if I were to put a
out for themselves so if I were to put a squirrel holding an acorn on my pots
squirrel holding an acorn on my pots
squirrel holding an acorn on my pots that was too cheap and easy artwork
that was too cheap and easy artwork
that was too cheap and easy artwork should have an air of mystery and
should have an air of mystery and
should have an air of mystery and deciphering that mystery should take
deciphering that mystery should take
deciphering that mystery should take some hard work now if any of you have
some hard work now if any of you have
some hard work now if any of you have children work with kids or at all
children work with kids or at all
children work with kids or at all familiar with children you know that
familiar with children you know that
familiar with children you know that they can go from this to this in an
they can go from this to this in an
they can go from this to this in an instant Grayson had always been a pretty
instant Grayson had always been a pretty
instant Grayson had always been a pretty easy kid he’s mild-mannered listens well
easy kid he’s mild-mannered listens well
easy kid he’s mild-mannered listens well he’s a natural rule follower but he’s
he’s a natural rule follower but he’s
he’s a natural rule follower but he’s always hated getting his nails cut so
always hated getting his nails cut so
always hated getting his nails cut so when I came to nail cutting time my
when I came to nail cutting time my
when I came to nail cutting time my usually mild-mannered kid becomes
usually mild-mannered kid becomes
usually mild-mannered kid becomes extremely unhappy and uncooperative one
extremely unhappy and uncooperative one
extremely unhappy and uncooperative one night when Grayson was about three years
night when Grayson was about three years
night when Grayson was about three years old we were having our usual battle of
old we were having our usual battle of
old we were having our usual battle of getting his nails cut out of desperation
getting his nails cut out of desperation
getting his nails cut out of desperation I declared that I was going to sing him
I declared that I was going to sing him
I declared that I was going to sing him a song this caught his attention because
a song this caught his attention because
a song this caught his attention because as a general rule I don’t usually sing
as a general rule I don’t usually sing
as a general rule I don’t usually sing like you trust me don’t want to hear me
like you trust me don’t want to hear me
like you trust me don’t want to hear me sing but I said I was going to sing him
sing but I said I was going to sing him
sing but I said I was going to sing him a song about Batman because at the time
a song about Batman because at the time
a song about Batman because at the time he loved superheroes
he loved superheroes
he loved superheroes he had this go on I might be convinced
he had this go on I might be convinced
he had this go on I might be convinced look on his face
look on his face
look on his face so to sweeten the deal I said what do
so to sweeten the deal I said what do
so to sweeten the deal I said what do you think Batman should be doing in the
you think Batman should be doing in the
you think Batman should be doing in the song after thinking about it for a
song after thinking about it for a
song after thinking about it for a moment he said
moment he said
moment he said songs should be about Batman mr. freeze
songs should be about Batman mr. freeze
songs should be about Batman mr. freeze and ice cream so that’s what I did I
and ice cream so that’s what I did I
and ice cream so that’s what I did I sang a song about how mr. freeze stole
sang a song about how mr. freeze stole
sang a song about how mr. freeze stole all the ice cream in the world but
all the ice cream in the world but
all the ice cream in the world but Batman saved the day because he
Batman saved the day because he
Batman saved the day because he discovered mr. Freeze’s secret lair and
discovered mr. Freeze’s secret lair and
discovered mr. Freeze’s secret lair and all the ice cream were saved and while I
all the ice cream were saved and while I
all the ice cream were saved and while I sang the song I quickly cut his nails
sang the song I quickly cut his nails
sang the song I quickly cut his nails and for the first time that night I was
and for the first time that night I was
and for the first time that night I was able to cut his nails without any fuss
able to cut his nails without any fuss
able to cut his nails without any fuss or any Tantrums after that we developed
or any Tantrums after that we developed
or any Tantrums after that we developed a routine when it was time to cut
a routine when it was time to cut
a routine when it was time to cut Grayson’s nails he would name
Grayson’s nails he would name
Grayson’s nails he would name superheroes and anything else that
superheroes and anything else that
superheroes and anything else that popped into his head and I made up a
popped into his head and I made up a
popped into his head and I made up a song about it well
song about it well
song about it well one particular night I was tired I
one particular night I was tired I
one particular night I was tired I wasn’t in the mood to come up with a
wasn’t in the mood to come up with a
wasn’t in the mood to come up with a complicated story
complicated story
complicated story so I decided seeing mary had a little
so I decided seeing mary had a little
so I decided seeing mary had a little lamb’ at the end of the song
lamb’ at the end of the song
lamb’ at the end of the song there was this deafening silence I
there was this deafening silence I
there was this deafening silence I calmly continued to cut Grayson’s nails
calmly continued to cut Grayson’s nails
calmly continued to cut Grayson’s nails while the entire time cringing on the
while the entire time cringing on the
while the entire time cringing on the inside she finally said that’s it
inside she finally said that’s it
inside she finally said that’s it nonchalantly I answered yep in an
nonchalantly I answered yep in an
nonchalantly I answered yep in an outraged voice he asked where’s the
outraged voice he asked where’s the
outraged voice he asked where’s the story there was no story in that song it
story there was no story in that song it
story there was no story in that song it was so short
was so short
was so short where’s the story it was at that moment
where’s the story it was at that moment
where’s the story it was at that moment that I finally finally understood
that I finally finally understood
that I finally finally understood something so profound that I took my
something so profound that I took my
something so profound that I took my breath away
breath away
breath away that breakthrough moment that knocked
that breakthrough moment that knocked
that breakthrough moment that knocked that I’ve been waiting for for almost
that I’ve been waiting for for almost
that I’ve been waiting for for almost four years
four years
four years it didn’t come knocking on my door it
it didn’t come knocking on my door it
it didn’t come knocking on my door it had quietly slipped inside of me and had
had quietly slipped inside of me and had
had quietly slipped inside of me and had been patiently waiting for me to
been patiently waiting for me to
been patiently waiting for me to recognize it all this time you see for a
recognize it all this time you see for a
recognize it all this time you see for a long time now I’ve been wanting to tell
long time now I’ve been wanting to tell
long time now I’ve been wanting to tell and have been telling these tiny little
and have been telling these tiny little
and have been telling these tiny little stories on my pots the stories are
stories on my pots the stories are
stories on my pots the stories are really timid and made up of
really timid and made up of
really timid and made up of non-representational images I’d imagine
non-representational images I’d imagine
non-representational images I’d imagine that this yellow dot was really lonely
that this yellow dot was really lonely
that this yellow dot was really lonely and so it went on an adventure and
and so it went on an adventure and
and so it went on an adventure and searched high and low for other yellow
searched high and low for other yellow
searched high and low for other yellow dots but the habit of telling Greyson
dots but the habit of telling Greyson
dots but the habit of telling Greyson stories had unconsciously followed with
stories had unconsciously followed with
stories had unconsciously followed with me into the studio and this whole time
me into the studio and this whole time
me into the studio and this whole time I’ve been telling him stories through my
I’ve been telling him stories through my
I’ve been telling him stories through my pots
pots
pots the events and the interactions that I
the events and the interactions that I
the events and the interactions that I observe everyday I wanted to use
observe everyday I wanted to use
observe everyday I wanted to use representational images but I was too
representational images but I was too
representational images but I was too scared to do so so as a compromise I was
scared to do so so as a compromise I was
scared to do so so as a compromise I was using these tiny little animal
using these tiny little animal
using these tiny little animal silhouettes in my head I thought well
silhouettes in my head I thought well
silhouettes in my head I thought well those animal silhouettes they’re vague
those animal silhouettes they’re vague
those animal silhouettes they’re vague and mysterious so technically I’m not
and mysterious so technically I’m not
and mysterious so technically I’m not really telling anybody what my pots are
really telling anybody what my pots are
really telling anybody what my pots are about after that night when I realized
about after that night when I realized
about after that night when I realized that my aha moment had already arrived I
that my aha moment had already arrived I
that my aha moment had already arrived I embraced the fact that I want to tell
embraced the fact that I want to tell
embraced the fact that I want to tell stories on my pots and that in order to
stories on my pots and that in order to
stories on my pots and that in order to do so I need to use representational
do so I need to use representational
do so I need to use representational images and also I realized that I need
images and also I realized that I need
images and also I realized that I need to let go of my fear and my preconceived
to let go of my fear and my preconceived
to let go of my fear and my preconceived notions of what art should and shouldn’t
notions of what art should and shouldn’t
notions of what art should and shouldn’t be I used to think that my pots should
be I used to think that my pots should
be I used to think that my pots should reflect the seriousness of motherhood
reflect the seriousness of motherhood
reflect the seriousness of motherhood but the truth of the matter is is that
but the truth of the matter is is that
but the truth of the matter is is that if the laughter and the playfulness and
if the laughter and the playfulness and
if the laughter and the playfulness and the silliness the lightness of being a
the silliness the lightness of being a
the silliness the lightness of being a mom that affects me the most
mom that affects me the most
mom that affects me the most it’s those happy silly sometimes
it’s those happy silly sometimes
it’s those happy silly sometimes bittersweet slices of life those are the
bittersweet slices of life those are the
bittersweet slices of life those are the stories that I want to tell because
stories that I want to tell because
stories that I want to tell because together those formed my breakthrough
together those formed my breakthrough
together those formed my breakthrough moment I finally realized that
moment I finally realized that
moment I finally realized that breakthrough moments don’t have to hit
breakthrough moments don’t have to hit
breakthrough moments don’t have to hit you over the head sometimes
you over the head sometimes
you over the head sometimes they’re quiet and sneaky and because
they’re quiet and sneaky and because
they’re quiet and sneaky and because they seep instead of bonk I have to be
they seep instead of bonk I have to be
they seep instead of bonk I have to be present in my own life for those moments
present in my own life for those moments
present in my own life for those moments otherwise they will just flow right past
otherwise they will just flow right past
otherwise they will just flow right past me I love the pots that I’m making now
me I love the pots that I’m making now
me I love the pots that I’m making now because they shine true to me all the
because they shine true to me all the
because they shine true to me all the big and small moments of my life as well
big and small moments of my life as well
big and small moments of my life as well I understand now that I can’t dictate or
I understand now that I can’t dictate or
I understand now that I can’t dictate or control when my breakthrough moments
control when my breakthrough moments
control when my breakthrough moments will come the only thing that I can do
will come the only thing that I can do
will come the only thing that I can do is to be present in my life and to be on
is to be present in my life and to be on
is to be present in my life and to be on the lookout for them and when they do
the lookout for them and when they do
the lookout for them and when they do come
come
come I’m going to embrace them and accept
I’m going to embrace them and accept
I’m going to embrace them and accept them for exactly what it is thank you
them for exactly what it is thank you
them for exactly what it is thank you [Applause]
”
Be First to Comment