whenever someone asked me to describe myself I always begin by saying i have
myself I always begin by saying i have
myself I always begin by saying i have my father’s nose when i was younger he
my father’s nose when i was younger he
my father’s nose when i was younger he would take his fingers and squeeze my
would take his fingers and squeeze my
would take his fingers and squeeze my nose and he would tease me by asking why
nose and he would tease me by asking why
nose and he would tease me by asking why did you have to take my big nose and you
did you have to take my big nose and you
did you have to take my big nose and you could have taken your mother’s pretty
could have taken your mother’s pretty
could have taken your mother’s pretty nose and I of course a child not knowing
nose and I of course a child not knowing
nose and I of course a child not knowing that I had a choice in the matter would
that I had a choice in the matter would
that I had a choice in the matter would laugh and he would smile too of course
laugh and he would smile too of course
laugh and he would smile too of course and it was the smile that told me that
and it was the smile that told me that
and it was the smile that told me that he was in fact proud that he could see
he was in fact proud that he could see
he was in fact proud that he could see his own nose on my face my nose made him
his own nose on my face my nose made him
his own nose on my face my nose made him made me his child it wasn’t a
made me his child it wasn’t a
made me his child it wasn’t a competition of course but I took a lot
competition of course but I took a lot
competition of course but I took a lot of attributes from my mother as well the
of attributes from my mother as well the
of attributes from my mother as well the day I learned I had my mother’s mouth it
day I learned I had my mother’s mouth it
day I learned I had my mother’s mouth it was haircut today I was 15 and I hated
was haircut today I was 15 and I hated
was haircut today I was 15 and I hated haircuts and I was just getting into my
haircuts and I was just getting into my
haircuts and I was just getting into my beard and mustache sounds like you know
beard and mustache sounds like you know
beard and mustache sounds like you know I lost a bother to shave the beard leave
I lost a bother to shave the beard leave
I lost a bother to shave the beard leave the mustache so I got home feeling fresh
the mustache so I got home feeling fresh
the mustache so I got home feeling fresh looking good and my daddy as soon as I
looking good and my daddy as soon as I
looking good and my daddy as soon as I come in he says come here so I walk up
come in he says come here so I walk up
come in he says come here so I walk up to him and he takes my chin into his
to him and he takes my chin into his
to him and he takes my chin into his hands and turns my head to either side
hands and turns my head to either side
hands and turns my head to either side and he says did he make him shave off
and he says did he make him shave off
and he says did he make him shave off the moustache I say no I just asked him
the moustache I say no I just asked him
the moustache I say no I just asked him to neaten it is I oh okay because it
to neaten it is I oh okay because it
to neaten it is I oh okay because it almost made your lips look like some
almost made your lips look like some
almost made your lips look like some other kind of lips sounds like that I
other kind of lips sounds like that I
other kind of lips sounds like that I can’t I can’t please stuff but that was
can’t I can’t please stuff but that was
can’t I can’t please stuff but that was my father right and in the end of course
my father right and in the end of course
my father right and in the end of course he blamed me for taking my mother’s
he blamed me for taking my mother’s
he blamed me for taking my mother’s mouth and it was like this all through
mouth and it was like this all through
mouth and it was like this all through childhood all through childhood whatever
childhood all through childhood whatever
childhood all through childhood whatever we did my brother and I they would be
we did my brother and I they would be
we did my brother and I they would be quick to assign those attributes to
quick to assign those attributes to
quick to assign those attributes to themselves they would say things like he
themselves they would say things like he
themselves they would say things like he got that from your father you know and
got that from your father you know and
got that from your father you know and then if we did something bad they would
then if we did something bad they would
then if we did something bad they would quickly say to each other talk to your
quickly say to each other talk to your
quickly say to each other talk to your child
child
child and then in instances when there was
and then in instances when there was
and then in instances when there was something unfamiliar they would be like
something unfamiliar they would be like
something unfamiliar they would be like where did you get that from my father
where did you get that from my father
where did you get that from my father passed away on februari first of this
passed away on februari first of this
passed away on februari first of this year so that my consideration of myself
year so that my consideration of myself
year so that my consideration of myself as a composite of my parents made me
as a composite of my parents made me
as a composite of my parents made me feel like I had lost actual parts of
feel like I had lost actual parts of
feel like I had lost actual parts of myself I began looking for vestiges of
myself I began looking for vestiges of
myself I began looking for vestiges of him in different places what had he left
him in different places what had he left
him in different places what had he left me what had I inherited I had his
me what had I inherited I had his
me what had I inherited I had his clothes but I couldn’t fit in them my
clothes but I couldn’t fit in them my
clothes but I couldn’t fit in them my brother had his car because I couldn’t
brother had his car because I couldn’t
brother had his car because I couldn’t drive and I didn’t live in trinidad and
drive and I didn’t live in trinidad and
drive and I didn’t live in trinidad and tobago anymore I was interested in him
tobago anymore I was interested in him
tobago anymore I was interested in him it was when I stood in front of the
it was when I stood in front of the
it was when I stood in front of the mirror that I recognized that he left me
mirror that I recognized that he left me
mirror that I recognized that he left me his nose these shoulders and hands my
his nose these shoulders and hands my
his nose these shoulders and hands my feet and in my memory I had inherited
feet and in my memory I had inherited
feet and in my memory I had inherited parts of his story so in turn it out
parts of his story so in turn it out
parts of his story so in turn it out after a person dies before the week of
after a person dies before the week of
after a person dies before the week of the funeral we always have weeks and at
the funeral we always have weeks and at
the funeral we always have weeks and at these wigs family members would come
these wigs family members would come
these wigs family members would come through and we would share stories and
through and we would share stories and
through and we would share stories and memories of the prison we’ve lost over
memories of the prison we’ve lost over
memories of the prison we’ve lost over rum and coke or brown rice with peas or
rum and coke or brown rice with peas or
rum and coke or brown rice with peas or chicken foot soup so one of these weeks
chicken foot soup so one of these weeks
chicken foot soup so one of these weeks I was making cheese paste to go with
I was making cheese paste to go with
I was making cheese paste to go with some salt crackers with my mother and
some salt crackers with my mother and
some salt crackers with my mother and she told me the story of the birth of my
she told me the story of the birth of my
she told me the story of the birth of my brother on that evening she had just
brother on that evening she had just
brother on that evening she had just made Swede and that’s my brother and dad
made Swede and that’s my brother and dad
made Swede and that’s my brother and dad had come in His grace start his
had come in His grace start his
had come in His grace start his pants was seen than his boots Sean like
pants was seen than his boots Sean like
pants was seen than his boots Sean like like pitch he was a police constable so
like pitch he was a police constable so
like pitch he was a police constable so this was his uniform and he looked as
this was his uniform and he looked as
this was his uniform and he looked as intimidating as the law in his hands the
intimidating as the law in his hands the
intimidating as the law in his hands the same hands that held guns at times and
same hands that held guns at times and
same hands that held guns at times and handcuffs he held a single rose
handcuffs he held a single rose
handcuffs he held a single rose the nurses when he came and asked him he
the nurses when he came and asked him he
the nurses when he came and asked him he said where you going with that I going
said where you going with that I going
said where you going with that I going to love somebody up with that rose and
to love somebody up with that rose and
to love somebody up with that rose and all he could do was laugh and hand my
all he could do was laugh and hand my
all he could do was laugh and hand my mother the rose in another instance at
mother the rose in another instance at
mother the rose in another instance at one of these weeks I was making curried
one of these weeks I was making curried
one of these weeks I was making curried dumplings with my auntie auntie Lynette
dumplings with my auntie auntie Lynette
dumplings with my auntie auntie Lynette and this is that younger sister and he
and this is that younger sister and he
and this is that younger sister and he always used to tell stories of how she
always used to tell stories of how she
always used to tell stories of how she and him used to run around and pick
and him used to run around and pick
and him used to run around and pick mangoes this was one of the instances
mangoes this was one of the instances
mangoes this was one of the instances where they used to pick mangoes and they
where they used to pick mangoes and they
where they used to pick mangoes and they were trying to pick these mangoes by
were trying to pick these mangoes by
were trying to pick these mangoes by throwing stones at the tree but it was
throwing stones at the tree but it was
throwing stones at the tree but it was unsuccessful so my dad he said okay
unsuccessful so my dad he said okay
unsuccessful so my dad he said okay let’s climb the tree and he runs up and
let’s climb the tree and he runs up and
let’s climb the tree and he runs up and starts climbing this tree my auntie
starts climbing this tree my auntie
starts climbing this tree my auntie Lynette’s of course follows brother and
Lynette’s of course follows brother and
Lynette’s of course follows brother and sister picking mangoes at one point my
sister picking mangoes at one point my
sister picking mangoes at one point my aunt internet calls out to him she says
aunt internet calls out to him she says
aunt internet calls out to him she says Tony I’m not seeing any mom goes you
Tony I’m not seeing any mom goes you
Tony I’m not seeing any mom goes you know can you throw down some for me and
know can you throw down some for me and
know can you throw down some for me and that he says yes the more reach and get
that he says yes the more reach and get
that he says yes the more reach and get one for you and she hears the rustling
one for you and she hears the rustling
one for you and she hears the rustling in the leaves and her mouth is you know
in the leaves and her mouth is you know
in the leaves and her mouth is you know watering and so he says all right you
watering and so he says all right you
watering and so he says all right you ready to catch and she stretches her
ready to catch and she stretches her
ready to catch and she stretches her hands I was ready to catch she said yes
hands I was ready to catch she said yes
hands I was ready to catch she said yes what she thought was my father reaching
what she thought was my father reaching
what she thought was my father reaching for the Mongols was actually my father
for the Mongols was actually my father
for the Mongols was actually my father pulling his pants down and squatting so
pulling his pants down and squatting so
pulling his pants down and squatting so that the fruit she ended up catching
that the fruit she ended up catching
that the fruit she ended up catching wasn’t quite what you expected it’s my
wasn’t quite what you expected it’s my
wasn’t quite what you expected it’s my dad so I gleaned a lot in these I
dad so I gleaned a lot in these I
dad so I gleaned a lot in these I cleaned a lot in this week in these
cleaned a lot in this week in these
cleaned a lot in this week in these weeks about the father that I didn’t
weeks about the father that I didn’t
weeks about the father that I didn’t know the father that existed before me
know the father that existed before me
know the father that existed before me and with other people I learned that he
and with other people I learned that he
and with other people I learned that he would often imitate Muhammad Ali for his
would often imitate Muhammad Ali for his
would often imitate Muhammad Ali for his sisters I learned that he was a
sisters I learned that he was a
sisters I learned that he was a storyteller I learned that he never wet
storyteller I learned that he never wet
storyteller I learned that he never wet his bed but once peed and my
his bed but once peed and my
his bed but once peed and my grandmother’s plate as I began to write
grandmother’s plate as I began to write
grandmother’s plate as I began to write her story I realized immediately that I
her story I realized immediately that I
her story I realized immediately that I could not do it alone even though I had
could not do it alone even though I had
could not do it alone even though I had in her
in her
in her his story other folks held part of his
his story other folks held part of his
his story other folks held part of his story as well Roger Reeves says that to
story as well Roger Reeves says that to
story as well Roger Reeves says that to love is to press one frame against
love is to press one frame against
love is to press one frame against another and even when a finger is found
another and even when a finger is found
another and even when a finger is found between this pressing to press
between this pressing to press
between this pressing to press nevertheless all of our lives are seen
nevertheless all of our lives are seen
nevertheless all of our lives are seen through frames and the act of
through frames and the act of
through frames and the act of storytelling is an act of love it is
storytelling is an act of love it is
storytelling is an act of love it is choosing frames and pressing them
choosing frames and pressing them
choosing frames and pressing them together in the process of writing i
together in the process of writing i
together in the process of writing i search for my father everywhere I spoke
search for my father everywhere I spoke
search for my father everywhere I spoke to cousins and auntie’s I looked at
to cousins and auntie’s I looked at
to cousins and auntie’s I looked at pictures and then I remembered that we
pictures and then I remembered that we
pictures and then I remembered that we had a group text so I was looking
had a group text so I was looking
had a group text so I was looking through these group texts and I found
through these group texts and I found
through these group texts and I found his voice recordings one day at file in
his voice recordings one day at file in
his voice recordings one day at file in the dining hall it had been months since
the dining hall it had been months since
the dining hall it had been months since i had heard his voice and it was almost
i had heard his voice and it was almost
i had heard his voice and it was almost unfathomable to me for to think that I
unfathomable to me for to think that I
unfathomable to me for to think that I could so I played it and in that moment
could so I played it and in that moment
could so I played it and in that moment I could see all these faces but none of
I could see all these faces but none of
I could see all these faces but none of them were quite the face I wanted to see
them were quite the face I wanted to see
them were quite the face I wanted to see the moment was too intimate and so I had
the moment was too intimate and so I had
the moment was too intimate and so I had to leave I went to my room to spend time
to leave I went to my room to spend time
to leave I went to my room to spend time with him this voice the only thing left
with him this voice the only thing left
with him this voice the only thing left of my father and I listened to him asked
of my father and I listened to him asked
of my father and I listened to him asked me how I was doing what I had done that
me how I was doing what I had done that
me how I was doing what I had done that day and tell me that his day was so much
day and tell me that his day was so much
day and tell me that his day was so much better because he had me need to talk to
better because he had me need to talk to
better because he had me need to talk to all of our stories are like this
all of our stories are like this
all of our stories are like this nowadays at least technology holds part
nowadays at least technology holds part
nowadays at least technology holds part of those stories as well daily we are
of those stories as well daily we are
of those stories as well daily we are constructing ourselves in social media
constructing ourselves in social media
constructing ourselves in social media and in digital technology for instance i
and in digital technology for instance i
and in digital technology for instance i recently shared this on facebook
recently shared this on facebook
recently shared this on facebook if anybody knows me they know that this
if anybody knows me they know that this
if anybody knows me they know that this is actually my autobiography it’s the
is actually my autobiography it’s the
is actually my autobiography it’s the most essential thing above my life yeah
most essential thing above my life yeah
most essential thing above my life yeah it’s me I also shared this
this mu actually changed my life because
this mu actually changed my life because I now greet some of my friends like this
I now greet some of my friends like this
I now greet some of my friends like this oh and this last name is when I
oh and this last name is when I
oh and this last name is when I originally created Thanksgiving it was
originally created Thanksgiving it was
originally created Thanksgiving it was inspired by the first one and I think we
inspired by the first one and I think we
inspired by the first one and I think we all can identify with this post
all can identify with this post
all can identify with this post thanksgiving meal fields and the inner
thanksgiving meal fields and the inner
thanksgiving meal fields and the inner us that tells us to eat more food just
us that tells us to eat more food just
us that tells us to eat more food just because there is so the ways in which I
because there is so the ways in which I
because there is so the ways in which I can share these on social media have
can share these on social media have
can share these on social media have them validated through likes and
them validated through likes and
them validated through likes and comments indicates that the story I
comments indicates that the story I
comments indicates that the story I choose to share the story i choose to
choose to share the story i choose to
choose to share the story i choose to present is also in collaboration with
present is also in collaboration with
present is also in collaboration with the people i present those stories too
the people i present those stories too
the people i present those stories too they can also tag me in things for
they can also tag me in things for
they can also tag me in things for instance one of my cousin’s recently
instance one of my cousin’s recently
instance one of my cousin’s recently talked me in this picture and the
talked me in this picture and the
talked me in this picture and the picture red tag your cousin with the
picture red tag your cousin with the
picture red tag your cousin with the biggest teeth so thank God a facebook
biggest teeth so thank God a facebook
biggest teeth so thank God a facebook has the option to remove tags I have big
has the option to remove tags I have big
has the option to remove tags I have big teeth but I was actually appalled by
teeth but I was actually appalled by
teeth but I was actually appalled by this I just removed the fat remove the
this I just removed the fat remove the
this I just removed the fat remove the time and that taught me that I had the
time and that taught me that I had the
time and that taught me that I had the ability to choose right to choose which
ability to choose right to choose which
ability to choose right to choose which story I chew I I am wanted to present
story I chew I I am wanted to present
story I chew I I am wanted to present and we do this daily some of us choose
and we do this daily some of us choose
and we do this daily some of us choose to present are politically involved self
to present are politically involved self
to present are politically involved self through digital technology some of us
through digital technology some of us
through digital technology some of us just to present a more vulnerable side
just to present a more vulnerable side
just to present a more vulnerable side some choose to present you know a kind
some choose to present you know a kind
some choose to present you know a kind of Martha Stewart ecstatic or what have
of Martha Stewart ecstatic or what have
of Martha Stewart ecstatic or what have you in the same way even though we
you in the same way even though we
you in the same way even though we inherit certain things we can choose the
inherit certain things we can choose the
inherit certain things we can choose the story that we want our lives to become
story that we want our lives to become
story that we want our lives to become for instance my father when my brother
for instance my father when my brother
for instance my father when my brother and I were born he chose to stay he
and I were born he chose to stay he
and I were born he chose to stay he chose to work arduously from police work
chose to work arduously from police work
chose to work arduously from police work to construction work to taxi work in the
to construction work to taxi work in the
to construction work to taxi work in the pursuit of making us and making our
pursuit of making us and making our
pursuit of making us and making our lives better than he could have ever
lives better than he could have ever
lives better than he could have ever imagined
imagined
imagined in the end he chose the unfathomable to
in the end he chose the unfathomable to
in the end he chose the unfathomable to take his own life but even that was a
take his own life but even that was a
take his own life but even that was a catalyst even that choice brought me
catalyst even that choice brought me
catalyst even that choice brought me here and compelled me to write his story
here and compelled me to write his story
here and compelled me to write his story that choice is a part of his story in as
that choice is a part of his story in as
that choice is a part of his story in as much as it transforms my own when I tell
much as it transforms my own when I tell
much as it transforms my own when I tell his story I tell of that choice but I
his story I tell of that choice but I
his story I tell of that choice but I also tell of the the storyteller that
also tell of the the storyteller that
also tell of the the storyteller that reenacted Muhammad Ali the mischievous
reenacted Muhammad Ali the mischievous
reenacted Muhammad Ali the mischievous picker of mangoes the father the
picker of mangoes the father the
picker of mangoes the father the policeman with the single rose so that
policeman with the single rose so that
policeman with the single rose so that when anyone asked me to describe myself
when anyone asked me to describe myself
when anyone asked me to describe myself I now describe myself as my parents
I now describe myself as my parents
I now describe myself as my parents child a trim big Union a product of love
child a trim big Union a product of love
child a trim big Union a product of love I artist a young man with my father’s
I artist a young man with my father’s
I artist a young man with my father’s nose
”
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