okay what I’d like you to do is to please turn to the person next to you
please turn to the person next to you
please turn to the person next to you and I’d like you to arm wrestle with
and I’d like you to arm wrestle with
and I’d like you to arm wrestle with them and I’d like you to do that for 15
them and I’d like you to do that for 15
them and I’d like you to do that for 15 seconds and the aim of the game guys is
seconds and the aim of the game guys is
seconds and the aim of the game guys is to get as many points as you possibly
to get as many points as you possibly
to get as many points as you possibly can so 15 seconds as many points as you
can so 15 seconds as many points as you
can so 15 seconds as many points as you can turn to the person next to you after
can turn to the person next to you after
can turn to the person next to you after you go
all right that’s time thank you thank
all right that’s time thank you thank you very much ladies and gents
you very much ladies and gents
you very much ladies and gents you can stop armwrestling now okay so
you can stop armwrestling now okay so
you can stop armwrestling now okay so so what I have just asked you to do it’s
so what I have just asked you to do it’s
so what I have just asked you to do it’s an exercise that I do regularly in my
an exercise that I do regularly in my
an exercise that I do regularly in my day job so my day job is I teach people
day job so my day job is I teach people
day job so my day job is I teach people how to negotiate I teach them how to be
how to negotiate I teach them how to be
how to negotiate I teach them how to be more confident when they negotiate and
more confident when they negotiate and
more confident when they negotiate and how to understand their counterparty
how to understand their counterparty
how to understand their counterparty when they negotiate and also as part of
when they negotiate and also as part of
when they negotiate and also as part of my work I like to challenge conventional
my work I like to challenge conventional
my work I like to challenge conventional thinking about negotiation this idea
thinking about negotiation this idea
thinking about negotiation this idea that you’ve got to be a ballbreaker to
that you’ve got to be a ballbreaker to
that you’ve got to be a ballbreaker to be a fantastic negotiator I just don’t
be a fantastic negotiator I just don’t
be a fantastic negotiator I just don’t buy that but I am often confronted by
buy that but I am often confronted by
buy that but I am often confronted by this idea that men and women are
this idea that men and women are
this idea that men and women are different when they negotiate and one of
different when they negotiate and one of
different when they negotiate and one of those differences is that people
those differences is that people
those differences is that people routinely say women are naturally more
routinely say women are naturally more
routinely say women are naturally more collaborative and men are naturally more
collaborative and men are naturally more
collaborative and men are naturally more competitive and yet the arm-wrestle
competitive and yet the arm-wrestle
competitive and yet the arm-wrestle exercise tells us that’s not necessarily
exercise tells us that’s not necessarily
exercise tells us that’s not necessarily the case because of course there are two
the case because of course there are two
the case because of course there are two ways that you could carry out that
ways that you could carry out that
ways that you could carry out that arm-wrestle aren’t there and what most
arm-wrestle aren’t there and what most
arm-wrestle aren’t there and what most of you did in this room was the very
of you did in this room was the very
of you did in this room was the very traditional competitive way of
traditional competitive way of
traditional competitive way of armwrestling despite the fact I told you
armwrestling despite the fact I told you
armwrestling despite the fact I told you three times and I don’t know if you
three times and I don’t know if you
three times and I don’t know if you noticed this I told you three times you
noticed this I told you three times you
noticed this I told you three times you had 15 seconds to get as many points as
had 15 seconds to get as many points as
had 15 seconds to get as many points as you can so your objective was to achieve
you can so your objective was to achieve
you can so your objective was to achieve as many points as you can so you could
as many points as you can so you could
as many points as you can so you could have approached that competitively which
have approached that competitively which
have approached that competitively which many of you did and believe me it looks
many of you did and believe me it looks
many of you did and believe me it looks something like this but there’s another
something like this but there’s another
something like this but there’s another way isn’t there there’s another way you
way isn’t there there’s another way you
way isn’t there there’s another way you could have approached that exercise and
could have approached that exercise and
could have approached that exercise and that is you could have turned to the
that is you could have turned to the
that is you could have turned to the person next year you could have adopted
person next year you could have adopted
person next year you could have adopted the traditional armwrestling stance
the traditional armwrestling stance
the traditional armwrestling stance thought about your objective of getting
thought about your objective of getting
thought about your objective of getting as many points as you can and what you
as many points as you can and what you
as many points as you can and what you then would have done is work together
then would have done is work together
then would have done is work together and collaborated to do something like
and collaborated to do something like
and collaborated to do something like this but of course people don’t tend to
this but of course people don’t tend to
this but of course people don’t tend to do that and actually what I’ve come to
do that and actually what I’ve come to
do that and actually what I’ve come to the realization of over the time that
the realization of over the time that
the realization of over the time that I’ve been doing my job
I’ve been doing my job
I’ve been doing my job is it’s not as straightforward as women
is it’s not as straightforward as women
is it’s not as straightforward as women are collaborative men are competitive
are collaborative men are competitive
are collaborative men are competitive it’s an interesting one actually because
it’s an interesting one actually because
it’s an interesting one actually because I believe that so many of us
I believe that so many of us
I believe that so many of us self-identify as collaborative we say
self-identify as collaborative we say
self-identify as collaborative we say were collaborative we say we like
were collaborative we say we like
were collaborative we say we like working in partnership but actually as
working in partnership but actually as
working in partnership but actually as human beings our instinct
human beings our instinct
human beings our instinct is to compete our instinct is to try and
is to compete our instinct is to try and
is to compete our instinct is to try and win and I just want to say there is
win and I just want to say there is
win and I just want to say there is nothing wrong with that as long as we
nothing wrong with that as long as we
nothing wrong with that as long as we harness it and do it in the right way
harness it and do it in the right way
harness it and do it in the right way and that’s what I want to talk to you
and that’s what I want to talk to you
and that’s what I want to talk to you about today so let’s think about
about today so let’s think about
about today so let’s think about collaboration so collaboration as I said
collaboration so collaboration as I said
collaboration so collaboration as I said already is the thing we aspire to it’s
already is the thing we aspire to it’s
already is the thing we aspire to it’s the thing that we claim that we do it’s
the thing that we claim that we do it’s
the thing that we claim that we do it’s the thing that is fated it’s what
the thing that is fated it’s what
the thing that is fated it’s what promoted in business and yet so many of
promoted in business and yet so many of
promoted in business and yet so many of us simply don’t do it we say we’re going
us simply don’t do it we say we’re going
us simply don’t do it we say we’re going to collaborate but then often we do
to collaborate but then often we do
to collaborate but then often we do things completely that are opposite and
things completely that are opposite and
things completely that are opposite and so often in my line of work I will say
so often in my line of work I will say
so often in my line of work I will say to people how are you going to enter
to people how are you going to enter
to people how are you going to enter into this business transaction how are
into this business transaction how are
into this business transaction how are you going to conduct yourself in this
you going to conduct yourself in this
you going to conduct yourself in this negotiation and they’ll say I’m going to
negotiation and they’ll say I’m going to
negotiation and they’ll say I’m going to collaborate but then they don’t they go
collaborate but then they don’t they go
collaborate but then they don’t they go out and out to try and win for
out and out to try and win for
out and out to try and win for themselves and you know what they end up
themselves and you know what they end up
themselves and you know what they end up losing in the long term so whilst
losing in the long term so whilst
losing in the long term so whilst collaboration is something that we
collaboration is something that we
collaboration is something that we aspire to and we say we want to do so
aspire to and we say we want to do so
aspire to and we say we want to do so often we don’t do it and you know why
often we don’t do it and you know why
often we don’t do it and you know why it’s because collaboration is hard it’s
it’s because collaboration is hard it’s
it’s because collaboration is hard it’s difficult it’s frustrating it’s
difficult it’s frustrating it’s
difficult it’s frustrating it’s time-consuming it’s challenging it’s
time-consuming it’s challenging it’s
time-consuming it’s challenging it’s about understanding other people
about understanding other people
about understanding other people sometimes putting them before you and
sometimes putting them before you and
sometimes putting them before you and that’s hard partnership is hard isn’t it
that’s hard partnership is hard isn’t it
that’s hard partnership is hard isn’t it whether that’s a marriage or whether
whether that’s a marriage or whether
whether that’s a marriage or whether that’s a business relationship true
that’s a business relationship true
that’s a business relationship true partnership is difficult but when we do
partnership is difficult but when we do
partnership is difficult but when we do it well it delivers huge results but so
it well it delivers huge results but so
it well it delivers huge results but so often it’s a tick box exercise and
often it’s a tick box exercise and
often it’s a tick box exercise and competitiveness I believe
competitiveness I believe
competitiveness I believe competitiveness is actually our default
competitiveness is actually our default
competitiveness is actually our default position as human beings we’ve been
position as human beings we’ve been
position as human beings we’ve been conditioned to want to win and you know
conditioned to want to win and you know
conditioned to want to win and you know what it’s been like that since the dawn
what it’s been like that since the dawn
what it’s been like that since the dawn of time I actually don’t know anyone who
of time I actually don’t know anyone who
of time I actually don’t know anyone who wakes up in the morning and thinks to
wakes up in the morning and thinks to
wakes up in the morning and thinks to themselves today I’d like to lose I’d
themselves today I’d like to lose I’d
themselves today I’d like to lose I’d like to be below par second-best really
like to be below par second-best really
like to be below par second-best really not that impressive yet that’s me off I
not that impressive yet that’s me off I
not that impressive yet that’s me off I go no one does that unfortunately there
go no one does that unfortunately there
go no one does that unfortunately there are people who wake up in the morning
are people who wake up in the morning
are people who wake up in the morning look in the mirror and go today I’m
look in the mirror and go today I’m
look in the mirror and go today I’m going to win I’m a winner I’m not saying
going to win I’m a winner I’m not saying
going to win I’m a winner I’m not saying you should do that
you should do that
you should do that but I do think we need to recognize that
but I do think we need to recognize that
but I do think we need to recognize that often our default position is to compete
often our default position is to compete
often our default position is to compete and you know what there’s nothing wrong
and you know what there’s nothing wrong
and you know what there’s nothing wrong with that there is nothing wrong with
with that there is nothing wrong with
with that there is nothing wrong with trying to be the best that you
trying to be the best that you
trying to be the best that you the so often competitiveness is
the so often competitiveness is
the so often competitiveness is demonized it’s seen as negative
demonized it’s seen as negative
demonized it’s seen as negative particularly when women exhibit
particularly when women exhibit
particularly when women exhibit competitive behaviors we are demonized
competitive behaviors we are demonized
competitive behaviors we are demonized for it and yet competitiveness is
for it and yet competitiveness is
for it and yet competitiveness is essential to a successful society
essential to a successful society
essential to a successful society because competitiveness that will to win
because competitiveness that will to win
because competitiveness that will to win to want to be the best is what drives
to want to be the best is what drives
to want to be the best is what drives innovation it’s what drives change it’s
innovation it’s what drives change it’s
innovation it’s what drives change it’s what allows pioneers to keep working and
what allows pioneers to keep working and
what allows pioneers to keep working and striving and trying to be the best they
striving and trying to be the best they
striving and trying to be the best they can be
can be
can be it’s what allows scientific breakthrough
it’s what allows scientific breakthrough
it’s what allows scientific breakthrough competitiveness if used in the right way
competitiveness if used in the right way
competitiveness if used in the right way is a fantastic thing however if you
is a fantastic thing however if you
is a fantastic thing however if you compete and try to win only for yourself
compete and try to win only for yourself
compete and try to win only for yourself or at the expense of others you will end
or at the expense of others you will end
or at the expense of others you will end up losing in the longer term and I see
up losing in the longer term and I see
up losing in the longer term and I see it in business all the time I see it in
it in business all the time I see it in
it in business all the time I see it in negotiation all the time people go into
negotiation all the time people go into
negotiation all the time people go into a negotiation with their counterpart
a negotiation with their counterpart
a negotiation with their counterpart they recognize that they’ve got more
they recognize that they’ve got more
they recognize that they’ve got more power they go in there to try and win
power they go in there to try and win
power they go in there to try and win and beat them and they bully them all
and beat them and they bully them all
and beat them and they bully them all the way through the transaction all the
the way through the transaction all the
the way through the transaction all the way through the negotiation and at the
way through the negotiation and at the
way through the negotiation and at the end the deal is still done because the
end the deal is still done because the
end the deal is still done because the other side has no choice by that point
other side has no choice by that point
other side has no choice by that point but you know as well as I do that person
but you know as well as I do that person
but you know as well as I do that person they’ve been negotiating with over the
they’ve been negotiating with over the
they’ve been negotiating with over the lifetime of that contract or the
lifetime of that contract or the
lifetime of that contract or the lifetime of that working relationship
lifetime of that working relationship
lifetime of that working relationship they’re not going to trust each other
they’re not going to trust each other
they’re not going to trust each other it’s going to be strained they’re never
it’s going to be strained they’re never
it’s going to be strained they’re never going to go the extra mile for each
going to go the extra mile for each
going to go the extra mile for each other so sometimes I need to win can see
other so sometimes I need to win can see
other so sometimes I need to win can see as loose in the longer term now it’s
as loose in the longer term now it’s
as loose in the longer term now it’s interesting because to me we tend to
interesting because to me we tend to
interesting because to me we tend to view collaboration and competitiveness
view collaboration and competitiveness
view collaboration and competitiveness in isolation you are either one or the
in isolation you are either one or the
in isolation you are either one or the other you are naturally one or the other
other you are naturally one or the other
other you are naturally one or the other or you have to approach every situation
or you have to approach every situation
or you have to approach every situation with one particular mindset but over the
with one particular mindset but over the
with one particular mindset but over the course of my work my view is that
course of my work my view is that
course of my work my view is that actually if we marry the two if we take
actually if we marry the two if we take
actually if we marry the two if we take the best from collaborative behaviors
the best from collaborative behaviors
the best from collaborative behaviors and we take the best from
and we take the best from
and we take the best from competitiveness we can all achieve more
competitiveness we can all achieve more
competitiveness we can all achieve more together and that’s how collaborative
together and that’s how collaborative
together and that’s how collaborative competitiveness was born for me by
competitiveness was born for me by
competitiveness was born for me by putting the two together we all start to
putting the two together we all start to
putting the two together we all start to win so what is collaborative
win so what is collaborative
win so what is collaborative competitiveness collaborative
competitiveness collaborative
competitiveness collaborative competitiveness is about approaching
competitiveness is about approaching
competitiveness is about approaching every situation trying to win but in the
every situation trying to win but in the
every situation trying to win but in the right way
right way
right way it’s about striving to succeed it’s
it’s about striving to succeed it’s
it’s about striving to succeed it’s about trying to be the best but not at
about trying to be the best but not at
about trying to be the best but not at the expense of others and it’s about
the expense of others and it’s about
the expense of others and it’s about reclaiming competitiveness it’s about as
reclaiming competitiveness it’s about as
reclaiming competitiveness it’s about as being able to stand up and say without
being able to stand up and say without
being able to stand up and say without any shame I want to be the best I can be
any shame I want to be the best I can be
any shame I want to be the best I can be I want to achieve and I’m not
I want to achieve and I’m not
I want to achieve and I’m not embarrassed about that because you know
embarrassed about that because you know
embarrassed about that because you know what I’m going to take other people with
what I’m going to take other people with
what I’m going to take other people with me as well so for me it’s about striving
me as well so for me it’s about striving
me as well so for me it’s about striving to achieve but not at the expense of
to achieve but not at the expense of
to achieve but not at the expense of other people it’s about unlocking your
other people it’s about unlocking your
other people it’s about unlocking your potential whilst helping others to
potential whilst helping others to
potential whilst helping others to unlock theirs it’s about striving to
unlock theirs it’s about striving to
unlock theirs it’s about striving to meet your ambitions whilst making sure
meet your ambitions whilst making sure
meet your ambitions whilst making sure you’re not stamping all over the
you’re not stamping all over the
you’re not stamping all over the ambitions of other people and you know
ambitions of other people and you know
ambitions of other people and you know what when you marry collaborative
what when you marry collaborative
what when you marry collaborative competitiveness when you bring them
competitiveness when you bring them
competitiveness when you bring them together when you create collaborative
together when you create collaborative
together when you create collaborative competitiveness each one makes the other
competitiveness each one makes the other
competitiveness each one makes the other better so actually if you’re trying to
better so actually if you’re trying to
better so actually if you’re trying to be the best that you can be if you can
be the best that you can be if you can
be the best that you can be if you can collaborate with others whilst doing
collaborate with others whilst doing
collaborate with others whilst doing that you will win bigger because you
that you will win bigger because you
that you will win bigger because you will have enhanced creativity enhanced
will have enhanced creativity enhanced
will have enhanced creativity enhanced ability to make robust decisions you
ability to make robust decisions you
ability to make robust decisions you will be far more innovative and
will be far more innovative and
will be far more innovative and similarly if we are able to apply that
similarly if we are able to apply that
similarly if we are able to apply that desire to succeed that desire to achieve
desire to succeed that desire to achieve
desire to succeed that desire to achieve that desire to be the best when we are
that desire to be the best when we are
that desire to be the best when we are working with others then guess what we
working with others then guess what we
working with others then guess what we will all start to win bigger and we will
will all start to win bigger and we will
will all start to win bigger and we will get bigger better and bolder results so
get bigger better and bolder results so
get bigger better and bolder results so collaborative competitiveness it will
collaborative competitiveness it will
collaborative competitiveness it will help you win but it will help them win
help you win but it will help them win
help you win but it will help them win too and I want us to think of a world if
too and I want us to think of a world if
too and I want us to think of a world if we were all just a little bit more
we were all just a little bit more
we were all just a little bit more collaboratively competitiveness sorry
collaboratively competitiveness sorry
collaboratively competitiveness sorry collaboratively competitive think of a
collaboratively competitive think of a
collaboratively competitive think of a world if we all lived our lives with a
world if we all lived our lives with a
world if we all lived our lives with a dose of collaborative competitiveness
dose of collaborative competitiveness
dose of collaborative competitiveness think of what it might mean if we were
think of what it might mean if we were
think of what it might mean if we were trying to be the best that we could be
trying to be the best that we could be
trying to be the best that we could be but taking people with us at the same
but taking people with us at the same
but taking people with us at the same time if when we were trying to win we
time if when we were trying to win we
time if when we were trying to win we were trying to win for us but we were
were trying to win for us but we were
were trying to win for us but we were also trying to win for other people
also trying to win for other people
also trying to win for other people within our communities other people
within our communities other people
within our communities other people within our organizations people at the
within our organizations people at the
within our organizations people at the other side of the world we could create
other side of the world we could create
other side of the world we could create real change and we could start it right
real change and we could start it right
real change and we could start it right here we could all make a commitment to
here we could all make a commitment to
here we could all make a commitment to being collaboratively competitive in
being collaboratively competitive in
being collaboratively competitive in every decision we make
every decision we make
every decision we make every action we take it’s a small change
every action we take it’s a small change
every action we take it’s a small change but it could deliver big big impact for
but it could deliver big big impact for
but it could deliver big big impact for politics for how parties conduct
politics for how parties conduct
politics for how parties conduct themselves for how public policy is
themselves for how public policy is
themselves for how public policy is developed and applied for how funding is
developed and applied for how funding is
developed and applied for how funding is distributed and in business think of the
distributed and in business think of the
distributed and in business think of the impact it would have on productivity on
impact it would have on productivity on
impact it would have on productivity on innovation on our ability to create and
innovation on our ability to create and
innovation on our ability to create and just develop a well where everyone is
just develop a well where everyone is
just develop a well where everyone is included collaborative competitiveness
included collaborative competitiveness
included collaborative competitiveness we can all start here we can all make a
we can all start here we can all make a
we can all start here we can all make a commitment to make the world change it’s
commitment to make the world change it’s
commitment to make the world change it’s a small thing that we can do when I want
a small thing that we can do when I want
a small thing that we can do when I want you to think about collaborative
you to think about collaborative
you to think about collaborative competitiveness I want you to think you
competitiveness I want you to think you
competitiveness I want you to think you can do this you can own it and you can
can do this you can own it and you can
can do this you can own it and you can tell the person next to you to do it and
tell the person next to you to do it and
tell the person next to you to do it and own it as well tweet out what are you
own it as well tweet out what are you
own it as well tweet out what are you going to do today to be more
going to do today to be more
going to do today to be more collaboratively competitive together we
collaboratively competitive together we
collaboratively competitive together we could change the world who’s with me
could change the world who’s with me
could change the world who’s with me [Applause]
”
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