I would like you to imagine as my eight-year-old son came out of school he
eight-year-old son came out of school he
eight-year-old son came out of school he handed me his book bag and Matthew I
handed me his book bag and Matthew I
handed me his book bag and Matthew I don’t know to this day how I caught the
don’t know to this day how I caught the
don’t know to this day how I caught the hood of his coat quick enough as a car
hood of his coat quick enough as a car
hood of his coat quick enough as a car screeched inches from his feet all eyes
screeched inches from his feet all eyes
screeched inches from his feet all eyes turned on us they knew a tantrum was
turned on us they knew a tantrum was
turned on us they knew a tantrum was looming but nothing prepared me for what
looming but nothing prepared me for what
looming but nothing prepared me for what happened next
happened next
happened next why did you stop me why didn’t you let
why did you stop me why didn’t you let
why did you stop me why didn’t you let me die I don’t wanna live anymore and he
me die I don’t wanna live anymore and he
me die I don’t wanna live anymore and he screamed at me like this the whole way
screamed at me like this the whole way
screamed at me like this the whole way home I felt sick inside
home I felt sick inside
home I felt sick inside how do you’ve cut his finger I could
how do you’ve cut his finger I could
how do you’ve cut his finger I could have put a plaster on it have you have
have put a plaster on it have you have
have put a plaster on it have you have crashed into that car I could have
crashed into that car I could have
crashed into that car I could have called a paramedic but he had crashed
called a paramedic but he had crashed
called a paramedic but he had crashed emotionally at eight years old he was
emotionally at eight years old he was
emotionally at eight years old he was suicidal daily and diagnosed with
suicidal daily and diagnosed with
suicidal daily and diagnosed with Asperger’s and months later we received
Asperger’s and months later we received
Asperger’s and months later we received a letter saying he doesn’t need an
a letter saying he doesn’t need an
a letter saying he doesn’t need an assessment so we needed to make a change
assessment so we needed to make a change
assessment so we needed to make a change and we started home educating Matthew
and we started home educating Matthew
and we started home educating Matthew changed at least he stopped talking of
changed at least he stopped talking of
changed at least he stopped talking of dying and then at the age of 13 he
dying and then at the age of 13 he
dying and then at the age of 13 he developed a well known condition called
developed a well known condition called
developed a well known condition called teenage brain his sister just said yeah
teenage brain his sister just said yeah
teenage brain his sister just said yeah whatever
whatever
whatever but Matthew shut himself in he shut me
but Matthew shut himself in he shut me
but Matthew shut himself in he shut me out and he shut the world out he faced
out and he shut the world out he faced
out and he shut the world out he faced that brick wall of depression and he
that brick wall of depression and he
that brick wall of depression and he said I don’t want any help so no one
said I don’t want any help so no one
said I don’t want any help so no one helped for five years I was here all
helped for five years I was here all
helped for five years I was here all along but this was my dilemma anything I
along but this was my dilemma anything I
along but this was my dilemma anything I said could be taped like taking this
said could be taped like taking this
said could be taped like taking this sticking-plaster
sticking-plaster
sticking-plaster I’m putting it on a broken leg there we
I’m putting it on a broken leg there we
I’m putting it on a broken leg there we go and saying no there that will be
go and saying no there that will be
go and saying no there that will be better tomorrow that will not heal a
better tomorrow that will not heal a
better tomorrow that will not heal a broken leg and that will not promote
broken leg and that will not promote
broken leg and that will not promote emotional healing at 18 Matthew’s
emotional healing at 18 Matthew’s
emotional healing at 18 Matthew’s depression hit an all-time low and it
depression hit an all-time low and it
depression hit an all-time low and it frequently took me three hours to talk
frequently took me three hours to talk
frequently took me three hours to talk him out of the deepest darkest pits but
him out of the deepest darkest pits but
him out of the deepest darkest pits but I knew I couldn’t be there for him every
I knew I couldn’t be there for him every
I knew I couldn’t be there for him every day of his life and he needed to learn
day of his life and he needed to learn
day of his life and he needed to learn to manage his own emotions but how could
to manage his own emotions but how could
to manage his own emotions but how could I teach him something that I couldn’t
I teach him something that I couldn’t
I teach him something that I couldn’t explain all the self-development tools
explain all the self-development tools
explain all the self-development tools were there but something was missing I’d
were there but something was missing I’d
were there but something was missing I’d been able to talk him out of that danger
been able to talk him out of that danger
been able to talk him out of that danger zone even day after day but I just
zone even day after day but I just
zone even day after day but I just couldn’t prevent him from going back in
couldn’t prevent him from going back in
couldn’t prevent him from going back in I set about finding a new coping
I set about finding a new coping
I set about finding a new coping strategy and I realized that with
strategy and I realized that with
strategy and I realized that with Matthews Asperger’s he struggled with
Matthews Asperger’s he struggled with
Matthews Asperger’s he struggled with invisible concepts like time and
invisible concepts like time and
invisible concepts like time and emotions so I needed to find a way of
emotions so I needed to find a way of
emotions so I needed to find a way of making his world of hidden emotions a
making his world of hidden emotions a
making his world of hidden emotions a visual mentoring tool so I started with
visual mentoring tool so I started with
visual mentoring tool so I started with four core emotions and four colors as
four core emotions and four colors as
four core emotions and four colors as the system formed in my mind I added a
the system formed in my mind I added a
the system formed in my mind I added a fifth color and this represents a change
fifth color and this represents a change
fifth color and this represents a change of emotions because I now realized that
of emotions because I now realized that
of emotions because I now realized that we change between emotions because
we change between emotions because
we change between emotions because something changed either positively or
something changed either positively or
something changed either positively or negatively and using just this I started
negatively and using just this I started
negatively and using just this I started to mentor Matthew and over the coming
to mentor Matthew and over the coming
to mentor Matthew and over the coming weeks
weeks
weeks he’s three-hour dips in depression
he’s three-hour dips in depression
he’s three-hour dips in depression reduced to one hour each time he now
reduced to one hour each time he now
reduced to one hour each time he now started calling me he now started
started calling me he now started
started calling me he now started seeking Him
seeking Him
seeking Him Roseman not hiding from it and in one
Roseman not hiding from it and in one
Roseman not hiding from it and in one day he phoned me to say I just talked
day he phoned me to say I just talked
day he phoned me to say I just talked myself out of one in ten minutes next
myself out of one in ten minutes next
myself out of one in ten minutes next Matthew started helping a friend and he
Matthew started helping a friend and he
Matthew started helping a friend and he was asking my advice secretly and just a
was asking my advice secretly and just a
was asking my advice secretly and just a few weeks later his friend sat drinking
few weeks later his friend sat drinking
few weeks later his friend sat drinking coffee with us and just randomly said
coffee with us and just randomly said
coffee with us and just randomly said I’ve realized that hanging around with
I’ve realized that hanging around with
I’ve realized that hanging around with Matt makes me a better person
Matt makes me a better person
Matt makes me a better person Wow in that moment I realized the
Wow in that moment I realized the
Wow in that moment I realized the potential power of a simple but mindful
potential power of a simple but mindful
potential power of a simple but mindful system and the importance of continuing
system and the importance of continuing
system and the importance of continuing its development over the last 18 months
its development over the last 18 months
its development over the last 18 months it has now evolved to this and it looks
it has now evolved to this and it looks
it has now evolved to this and it looks a little bit more sexy it now shows that
a little bit more sexy it now shows that
a little bit more sexy it now shows that our emotions surround us that the change
our emotions surround us that the change
our emotions surround us that the change happens within us and change happens
happens within us and change happens
happens within us and change happens around us it shows that change knocks us
around us it shows that change knocks us
around us it shows that change knocks us down and we rise back up we react to
down and we rise back up we react to
down and we rise back up we react to change through fight-or-flight and this
change through fight-or-flight and this
change through fight-or-flight and this is rock bottom you’ve seen it in all the
is rock bottom you’ve seen it in all the
is rock bottom you’ve seen it in all the best movies where they go and they punch
best movies where they go and they punch
best movies where they go and they punch it out in that gym or they go and they
it out in that gym or they go and they
it out in that gym or they go and they have a good cry before they make that
have a good cry before they make that
have a good cry before they make that breakthrough this is the emotional
breakthrough this is the emotional
breakthrough this is the emotional diagram of those triumphant moments I’ve
diagram of those triumphant moments I’ve
diagram of those triumphant moments I’ve realized that by chunking life into
realized that by chunking life into
realized that by chunking life into these five colors we can begin to
these five colors we can begin to
these five colors we can begin to understand their emotional starting
understand their emotional starting
understand their emotional starting point Stephen Covey wrote in the seven
point Stephen Covey wrote in the seven
point Stephen Covey wrote in the seven Habits of Highly Effective People about
Habits of Highly Effective People about
Habits of Highly Effective People about the concepts of understand before being
the concepts of understand before being
the concepts of understand before being understood a magician Brian Miller he’s
understood a magician Brian Miller he’s
understood a magician Brian Miller he’s already done an amazing TED talk on this
already done an amazing TED talk on this
already done an amazing TED talk on this concept alone and as if by magic he
concept alone and as if by magic he
concept alone and as if by magic he actually looks a bit like my Matthew
actually looks a bit like my Matthew
actually looks a bit like my Matthew but if you skip this trick you become
but if you skip this trick you become
but if you skip this trick you become that sticky plaster person who hasn’t
that sticky plaster person who hasn’t
that sticky plaster person who hasn’t understood the injury first yet how many
understood the injury first yet how many
understood the injury first yet how many emotional crashes do we treat this way
grow up and act your age life isn’t fair
grow up and act your age life isn’t fair get used to it only you can get yourself
get used to it only you can get yourself
get used to it only you can get yourself out of it do they sound like someone who
out of it do they sound like someone who
out of it do they sound like someone who has tried to understand these sentences
has tried to understand these sentences
has tried to understand these sentences tell them what to do not how to do it we
tell them what to do not how to do it we
tell them what to do not how to do it we tell them there is light at the end of
tell them there is light at the end of
tell them there is light at the end of the tunnel
the tunnel
the tunnel but we don’t give them the map of the
but we don’t give them the map of the
but we don’t give them the map of the tunnel we tell them they can achieve
tunnel we tell them they can achieve
tunnel we tell them they can achieve anything they put their mind to and then
anything they put their mind to and then
anything they put their mind to and then on leaving school they learn they must
on leaving school they learn they must
on leaving school they learn they must start at the bottom we prepare them
start at the bottom we prepare them
start at the bottom we prepare them emotionally for the destination of
emotionally for the destination of
emotionally for the destination of success but not the journey of life now
success but not the journey of life now
success but not the journey of life now imagine one person being knocked back
imagine one person being knocked back
imagine one person being knocked back and stuck in one of these colours if
and stuck in one of these colours if
and stuck in one of these colours if they lack the life experience or the
they lack the life experience or the
they lack the life experience or the control to make those changes for the
control to make those changes for the
control to make those changes for the better are you now going to be their
better are you now going to be their
better are you now going to be their sticky plaster full of quotes or their
sticky plaster full of quotes or their
sticky plaster full of quotes or their emotional mentor many will still need
emotional mentor many will still need
emotional mentor many will still need professional help but there are many
professional help but there are many
professional help but there are many more who could learn to help themselves
more who could learn to help themselves
more who could learn to help themselves with the right emotional mentoring I’m
with the right emotional mentoring I’m
with the right emotional mentoring I’m just a mum but I am leaving my corporate
just a mum but I am leaving my corporate
just a mum but I am leaving my corporate job in two weeks to start sharing our
job in two weeks to start sharing our
job in two weeks to start sharing our experience at the age of 20
experience at the age of 20
experience at the age of 20 Matthew sat beside me on a bench in the
Matthew sat beside me on a bench in the
Matthew sat beside me on a bench in the sunshine and he put his arm around me
sunshine and he put his arm around me
sunshine and he put his arm around me and he admitted what a pain in the ass
and he admitted what a pain in the ass
and he admitted what a pain in the ass he had been
he had been
he had been and he thanked me for never giving up on
and he thanked me for never giving up on
and he thanked me for never giving up on him he said I now know why steel is
him he said I now know why steel is
him he said I now know why steel is forged in the fire the more you go
forged in the fire the more you go
forged in the fire the more you go through it the tougher you get Matthew
through it the tougher you get Matthew
through it the tougher you get Matthew had finally understood that he had come
had finally understood that he had come
had finally understood that he had come through that tunnel and into the light
through that tunnel and into the light
through that tunnel and into the light and he understood there would be more
and he understood there would be more
and he understood there would be more challenges but he was ready to embrace
challenges but he was ready to embrace
challenges but he was ready to embrace them so let’s teach our younger
them so let’s teach our younger
them so let’s teach our younger generations using more emotional
generations using more emotional
generations using more emotional mentoring let’s teach them why we should
mentoring let’s teach them why we should
mentoring let’s teach them why we should embrace negative change as a challenge
embrace negative change as a challenge
embrace negative change as a challenge let’s teach them how to make changes for
let’s teach them how to make changes for
let’s teach them how to make changes for the better and let’s teach them to take
the better and let’s teach them to take
the better and let’s teach them to take control of their own lives their whole
control of their own lives their whole
control of their own lives their whole life
”
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