good morning good morning I’m glad to be here even though there wasn’t coffee
here even though there wasn’t coffee
here even though there wasn’t coffee it’s terrifying I’m here to talk about
it’s terrifying I’m here to talk about
it’s terrifying I’m here to talk about humor and humor is an interesting thing
humor and humor is an interesting thing
humor and humor is an interesting thing because it’s usually seen as something
because it’s usually seen as something
because it’s usually seen as something that’s frivolous
that’s frivolous
that’s frivolous and I think it’s something that’s
and I think it’s something that’s
and I think it’s something that’s essential humor is what allows us to
essential humor is what allows us to
essential humor is what allows us to redeem moments that are otherwise lost
redeem moments that are otherwise lost
redeem moments that are otherwise lost to misery to unhappiness to sadness to
to misery to unhappiness to sadness to
to misery to unhappiness to sadness to the things that destroy what make the
the things that destroy what make the
the things that destroy what make the day worthwhile if I asked you as I do I
day worthwhile if I asked you as I do I
day worthwhile if I asked you as I do I give talks around the world and some of
give talks around the world and some of
give talks around the world and some of them are for corporations and because I
them are for corporations and because I
them are for corporations and because I get up and I talk about women’s issues
get up and I talk about women’s issues
get up and I talk about women’s issues that I use the F word which is feminism
that I use the F word which is feminism
that I use the F word which is feminism that’s the F word that my students at
that’s the F word that my students at
that’s the F word that my students at the University of Connecticut are still
the University of Connecticut are still
the University of Connecticut are still very wary about using the F word that’s
very wary about using the F word that’s
very wary about using the F word that’s feminism they come up to me at the
feminism they come up to me at the
feminism they come up to me at the beginning of the semester and and you
beginning of the semester and and you
beginning of the semester and and you know how young people speak you’re a lot
know how young people speak you’re a lot
know how young people speak you’re a lot of young people here today you know that
of young people here today you know that
of young people here today you know that young women especially even the ones who
young women especially even the ones who
young women especially even the ones who are going to be like running NASA and
are going to be like running NASA and
are going to be like running NASA and the head of the American Medical
the head of the American Medical
the head of the American Medical Association all sound like they’re
Association all sound like they’re
Association all sound like they’re asking questions right even when they’re
asking questions right even when they’re
asking questions right even when they’re making declarative statements so that my
making declarative statements so that my
making declarative statements so that my students will come up at the beginning
students will come up at the beginning
students will come up at the beginning of the semester and say dr. Becca you’re
of the semester and say dr. Becca you’re
of the semester and say dr. Becca you’re my advisor and I’ll say okay dear tell
my advisor and I’ll say okay dear tell
my advisor and I’ll say okay dear tell me your name and they’ll go like
me your name and they’ll go like
me your name and they’ll go like Stephanie Smith and I’ll say honey I
Stephanie Smith and I’ll say honey I
Stephanie Smith and I’ll say honey I don’t know oh you tell me okay we’ll go
don’t know oh you tell me okay we’ll go
don’t know oh you tell me okay we’ll go you know from there and cuz they’re
you know from there and cuz they’re
you know from there and cuz they’re tentative because femininity is still
tentative because femininity is still
tentative because femininity is still wrapped up in the idea that you have to
wrapped up in the idea that you have to
wrapped up in the idea that you have to be a little hesitant about knowing
be a little hesitant about knowing
be a little hesitant about knowing anything about the world which will be
anything about the world which will be
anything about the world which will be problematic when these women become
problematic when these women become
problematic when these women become Supreme Court judges because you don’t
Supreme Court judges because you don’t
Supreme Court judges because you don’t want somebody on the Supreme Court going
want somebody on the Supreme Court going
want somebody on the Supreme Court going that’s a law I mean you want actually
that’s a law I mean you want actually
that’s a law I mean you want actually something
something
something you can be able to make an assertion so
you can be able to make an assertion so
you can be able to make an assertion so I get up and I talk about women’s issues
I get up and I talk about women’s issues
I get up and I talk about women’s issues and feminism and there’ll be times when
and feminism and there’ll be times when
and feminism and there’ll be times when they’ll be a banner at a big corporation
they’ll be a banner at a big corporation
they’ll be a banner at a big corporation that’ll say dr. Regina Baraka sexual
that’ll say dr. Regina Baraka sexual
that’ll say dr. Regina Baraka sexual harassment workshop and some of the guys
harassment workshop and some of the guys
harassment workshop and some of the guys there think I’m there to help them do it
there think I’m there to help them do it
there think I’m there to help them do it better and they’re disappointed and I do
better and they’re disappointed and I do
better and they’re disappointed and I do know often they invite me in to give
know often they invite me in to give
know often they invite me in to give those talks when there’s been a lawsuit
those talks when there’s been a lawsuit
those talks when there’s been a lawsuit so you know they’re aware of the
so you know they’re aware of the
so you know they’re aware of the problems but I explained to them early
problems but I explained to them early
problems but I explained to them early on that the short version of the talk is
on that the short version of the talk is
on that the short version of the talk is to recognize that harasses one word you
to recognize that harasses one word you
to recognize that harasses one word you don’t have to write it down a lot of
don’t have to write it down a lot of
don’t have to write it down a lot of them have to but I bet you would get
them have to but I bet you would get
them have to but I bet you would get that and so I deal with these issues so
that and so I deal with these issues so
that and so I deal with these issues so I deal with this serious business of
I deal with this serious business of
I deal with this serious business of justice and injustice and women’s rights
justice and injustice and women’s rights
justice and injustice and women’s rights and anybody that sort of been pushed to
and anybody that sort of been pushed to
and anybody that sort of been pushed to the margins but I really do believe that
the margins but I really do believe that
the margins but I really do believe that humor is some of the best ways to get
humor is some of the best ways to get
humor is some of the best ways to get that point across so when these young
that point across so when these young
that point across so when these young people come to my office at the
people come to my office at the
people come to my office at the beginning of the semester and they say
beginning of the semester and they say
beginning of the semester and they say Professor Baraka they say you don’t look
Professor Baraka they say you don’t look
Professor Baraka they say you don’t look like a feminist I say but this is what a
like a feminist I say but this is what a
like a feminist I say but this is what a feminist looks like I mean they think it
feminist looks like I mean they think it
feminist looks like I mean they think it means I have to not enjoy life they
means I have to not enjoy life they
means I have to not enjoy life they think that feminism has to be very
think that feminism has to be very
think that feminism has to be very serious they think it can’t have a sense
serious they think it can’t have a sense
serious they think it can’t have a sense of humor and then what’s nice is that
of humor and then what’s nice is that
of humor and then what’s nice is that after a couple of months you know young
after a couple of months you know young
after a couple of months you know young people it’s like whales they start
people it’s like whales they start
people it’s like whales they start farming their own pods right so that
farming their own pods right so that
farming their own pods right so that after a couple of months they’ll come
after a couple of months they’ll come
after a couple of months they’ll come back in a pod and there’ll be a bunch of
back in a pod and there’ll be a bunch of
back in a pod and there’ll be a bunch of them and you know we have some women and
them and you know we have some women and
them and you know we have some women and a couple of guys and they’ll come in and
a couple of guys and they’ll come in and
a couple of guys and they’ll come in and they’ll say okay professor Baraka we’ve
they’ll say okay professor Baraka we’ve
they’ll say okay professor Baraka we’ve been doing you know the reading and
been doing you know the reading and
been doing you know the reading and we’ve been going to lectures and we
we’ve been going to lectures and we
we’ve been going to lectures and we understand that it’s not about sex and
understand that it’s not about sex and
understand that it’s not about sex and gender which are of course two different
gender which are of course two different
gender which are of course two different things but that’s an entirely different
things but that’s an entirely different
things but that’s an entirely different whole set of circumstances and their
whole set of circumstances and their
whole set of circumstances and their voices have leveled off so I’ve earned
voices have leveled off so I’ve earned
voices have leveled off so I’ve earned my state salary right and but then they
my state salary right and but then they
my state salary right and but then they say so the we understand is not actually
say so the we understand is not actually
say so the we understand is not actually about sexual gender it’s about any kind
about sexual gender it’s about any kind
about sexual gender it’s about any kind of marginalization and that could come
of marginalization and that could come
of marginalization and that could come from race that can come from any kind of
from race that can come from any kind of
from race that can come from any kind of choice that could come from religion
choice that could come from religion
choice that could come from religion that could come from ethnicity
that could come from ethnicity
that could come from ethnicity it’s from whatever kind of history and
it’s from whatever kind of history and
it’s from whatever kind of history and sort of you know privilege that’s
sort of you know privilege that’s
sort of you know privilege that’s actually pushed certain kinds of people
actually pushed certain kinds of people
actually pushed certain kinds of people to the margins of society and if those
to the margins of society and if those
to the margins of society and if those kind of people feel like they have to
kind of people feel like they have to
kind of people feel like they have to ask for the privilege of their
ask for the privilege of their
ask for the privilege of their boys to be heard every generation and
boys to be heard every generation and
boys to be heard every generation and they need to have that privilege sort of
they need to have that privilege sort of
they need to have that privilege sort of reestablished every time then you lose
reestablished every time then you lose
reestablished every time then you lose any kind of traction that’s been
any kind of traction that’s been
any kind of traction that’s been established before that and if we’re
established before that and if we’re
established before that and if we’re going to make the lives of our daughters
going to make the lives of our daughters
going to make the lives of our daughters and our sons better than the lives of
and our sons better than the lives of
and our sons better than the lives of our mothers and our fathers and if we’re
our mothers and our fathers and if we’re
our mothers and our fathers and if we’re going to carry out that sort of wage
going to carry out that sort of wage
going to carry out that sort of wage make sure that we understand that if
make sure that we understand that if
make sure that we understand that if diversity is strength and we believe
diversity is strength and we believe
diversity is strength and we believe that diversity is strength that we need
that diversity is strength that we need
that diversity is strength that we need to make sure that those sort of things
to make sure that those sort of things
to make sure that those sort of things are woven as right into our culture and
are woven as right into our culture and
are woven as right into our culture and not seen as privileges and we want to
not seen as privileges and we want to
not seen as privileges and we want to make sure that that happens but if we do
make sure that that happens but if we do
make sure that that happens but if we do that will we ever date and I think it’s
that will we ever date and I think it’s
that will we ever date and I think it’s an excellent question I take it very
an excellent question I take it very
an excellent question I take it very seriously and I you know if they’re
seriously and I you know if they’re
seriously and I you know if they’re mature and I know them well and I’m
mature and I know them well and I’m
mature and I know them well and I’m comfortable with them and I see them as
comfortable with them and I see them as
comfortable with them and I see them as not fragile I tell them that they’ll
not fragile I tell them that they’ll
not fragile I tell them that they’ll simply skip their bad first marriage
simply skip their bad first marriage
simply skip their bad first marriage uh-huh then tell them they can do
uh-huh then tell them they can do
uh-huh then tell them they can do something else with those seven years
something else with those seven years
something else with those seven years you know learn a language sure take up a
you know learn a language sure take up a
you know learn a language sure take up a sport but I really do believe that humor
sport but I really do believe that humor
sport but I really do believe that humor is the way to approach a lot of the
is the way to approach a lot of the
is the way to approach a lot of the scariest issues and one of the ways that
scariest issues and one of the ways that
scariest issues and one of the ways that I learned this was by being one of the
I learned this was by being one of the
I learned this was by being one of the first women students at Dartmouth
first women students at Dartmouth
first women students at Dartmouth College which was one of the last Ivy
College which was one of the last Ivy
College which was one of the last Ivy League schools to go co-ed and maybe
League schools to go co-ed and maybe
League schools to go co-ed and maybe like some of you here I was the first in
like some of you here I was the first in
like some of you here I was the first in my family first girl in my family ever
my family first girl in my family ever
my family first girl in my family ever to go to college I was actually the
to go to college I was actually the
to go to college I was actually the first girl in my family ever to graduate
first girl in my family ever to graduate
first girl in my family ever to graduate from high school in a timely fashion
from high school in a timely fashion
from high school in a timely fashion it wasn’t what girls were expected to do
it wasn’t what girls were expected to do
it wasn’t what girls were expected to do and I was raised in Brooklyn New York by
and I was raised in Brooklyn New York by
and I was raised in Brooklyn New York by a bunch of my mother died run as a kid I
a bunch of my mother died run as a kid I
a bunch of my mother died run as a kid I was sort of raised by my aunts and I
was sort of raised by my aunts and I
was sort of raised by my aunts and I still say ants not ants because I’m from
still say ants not ants because I’m from
still say ants not ants because I’m from Brooklyn and even though I’ve taught at
Brooklyn and even though I’ve taught at
Brooklyn and even though I’ve taught at the University of Connecticut for 30
the University of Connecticut for 30
the University of Connecticut for 30 years no one has ever said Professor
years no one has ever said Professor
years no one has ever said Professor brocco what part of Connecticut do you
brocco what part of Connecticut do you
brocco what part of Connecticut do you come from because my Brooklyn accent is
come from because my Brooklyn accent is
come from because my Brooklyn accent is still very much what’s in place and when
still very much what’s in place and when
still very much what’s in place and when I was being raised by these little ants
I was being raised by these little ants
I was being raised by these little ants these women they don’t make them anymore
these women they don’t make them anymore
these women they don’t make them anymore but it’s that way that even my students
but it’s that way that even my students
but it’s that way that even my students know what a 57 Chevy is even if they’ve
know what a 57 Chevy is even if they’ve
know what a 57 Chevy is even if they’ve never actually ridden in a 57 Chevy even
never actually ridden in a 57 Chevy even
never actually ridden in a 57 Chevy even if they don’t know these women they know
if they don’t know these women they know
if they don’t know these women they know of them like historically these women
of them like historically these women
of them like historically these women were all three foot two and they all
were all three foot two and they all
were all three foot two and they all wait about 750 pounds
wait about 750 pounds
wait about 750 pounds and they all wore floral print dresses
and they all wore floral print dresses
and they all wore floral print dresses at all times right so that if a group of
at all times right so that if a group of
at all times right so that if a group of them were gathered together on a Sunday
them were gathered together on a Sunday
them were gathered together on a Sunday morning like to make the big meal for
morning like to make the big meal for
morning like to make the big meal for the week it looks like there were
the week it looks like there were
the week it looks like there were Ottomans scattered around the room
Ottomans scattered around the room
Ottomans scattered around the room really the only thing missing was the
really the only thing missing was the
really the only thing missing was the button on the top of the head that was
button on the top of the head that was
button on the top of the head that was it
it
it it was like they were on coaster like
it was like they were on coaster like
it was like they were on coaster like Casarez they just moved easily from one
Casarez they just moved easily from one
Casarez they just moved easily from one thing to the other and they taught me
thing to the other and they taught me
thing to the other and they taught me about women’s humor and they of course
about women’s humor and they of course
about women’s humor and they of course ever had the word feminist and they
ever had the word feminist and they
ever had the word feminist and they would have repudiated if they did but
would have repudiated if they did but
would have repudiated if they did but they taught me about the way that women
they taught me about the way that women
they taught me about the way that women laugh when there aren’t men in the room
laugh when there aren’t men in the room
laugh when there aren’t men in the room and for the men in the room I you can
and for the men in the room I you can
and for the men in the room I you can get extra credit points for learning
get extra credit points for learning
get extra credit points for learning this because when women laugh around man
this because when women laugh around man
this because when women laugh around man and I do
and I do
and I do these are heteronormative you know
these are heteronormative you know
these are heteronormative you know gender stereotypes but somebody’s got to
gender stereotypes but somebody’s got to
gender stereotypes but somebody’s got to do it and so you know I’m the queen of
do it and so you know I’m the queen of
do it and so you know I’m the queen of generalizations but this is what girls
generalizations but this is what girls
generalizations but this is what girls learn probably when we’re about 13 and
learn probably when we’re about 13 and
learn probably when we’re about 13 and there’s no official script but I think
there’s no official script but I think
there’s no official script but I think it’s still taught I work with a lot of
it’s still taught I work with a lot of
it’s still taught I work with a lot of young people I still hear it there’s a
young people I still hear it there’s a
young people I still hear it there’s a sound that girls make when starting when
sound that girls make when starting when
sound that girls make when starting when we’re about 13 and it goes something
we’re about 13 and it goes something
we’re about 13 and it goes something like this it’s the silver bell tinkling
like this it’s the silver bell tinkling
like this it’s the silver bell tinkling laughter it goes there’s some girl
laughter it goes there’s some girl
laughter it goes there’s some girl listening to some guy tell a 45 minutes
listening to some guy tell a 45 minutes
listening to some guy tell a 45 minutes story about wanting to get an Audi with
story about wanting to get an Audi with
story about wanting to get an Audi with plaid upholstery you know like that’s
plaid upholstery you know like that’s
plaid upholstery you know like that’s interesting right but he’s talking about
interesting right but he’s talking about
interesting right but he’s talking about this and the girls sitting there is
this and the girls sitting there is
this and the girls sitting there is going and she’s thinking on the way home
going and she’s thinking on the way home
going and she’s thinking on the way home I need to get some new eyeliner I think
I need to get some new eyeliner I think
I need to get some new eyeliner I think I have a coupon I’m not sure do I have
I have a coupon I’m not sure do I have
I have a coupon I’m not sure do I have the coupon in my back that is not how
the coupon in my back that is not how
the coupon in my back that is not how women
women
women sound when we’re having a good time when
sound when we’re having a good time when
sound when we’re having a good time when women and girls are really laughing we
women and girls are really laughing we
women and girls are really laughing we do not go we go
do not go we go
do not go we go ah it is a slightly less feminine sound
ah it is a slightly less feminine sound
ah it is a slightly less feminine sound right when women are really laugh we do
right when women are really laugh we do
right when women are really laugh we do mascara wiping behavior and even if
mascara wiping behavior and even if
mascara wiping behavior and even if you’re wise enough not to wear mascara
you’re wise enough not to wear mascara
you’re wise enough not to wear mascara you still do this is an atavistic
you still do this is an atavistic
you still do this is an atavistic behavior right anthropologists see it as
behavior right anthropologists see it as
behavior right anthropologists see it as being passed down through DNA second one
being passed down through DNA second one
being passed down through DNA second one over a certain age over a certain weight
over a certain age over a certain weight
over a certain age over a certain weight under a certain height bust holding
under a certain height bust holding
under a certain height bust holding behaviour ah cuz we’re looking for that
behaviour ah cuz we’re looking for that
behaviour ah cuz we’re looking for that extra support there’s nothing wrong with
extra support there’s nothing wrong with
extra support there’s nothing wrong with that and if you haven’t experienced this
that and if you haven’t experienced this
that and if you haven’t experienced this yourself certainly you’ve heard it from
yourself certainly you’ve heard it from
yourself certainly you’ve heard it from your moms in your hands from the older
your moms in your hands from the older
your moms in your hands from the older women well women are really laughing
women well women are really laughing
women well women are really laughing together we go don’t make me don’t make
together we go don’t make me don’t make
together we go don’t make me don’t make me pee in my pants this is why men are
me pee in my pants this is why men are
me pee in my pants this is why men are worried when they hear women laughing
worried when they hear women laughing
worried when they hear women laughing they’re afraid we’ll leak that guy who’s
they’re afraid we’ll leak that guy who’s
they’re afraid we’ll leak that guy who’s the planning to upholster his car is
the planning to upholster his car is
the planning to upholster his car is having serious conversations with this
having serious conversations with this
having serious conversations with this woman he’s terrified
woman he’s terrified
woman he’s terrified so women have this fake laughter and so
so women have this fake laughter and so
so women have this fake laughter and so you know I learned this from my aunts
you know I learned this from my aunts
you know I learned this from my aunts but we never really discussed it right
but we never really discussed it right
but we never really discussed it right it wasn’t something that we talked about
it wasn’t something that we talked about
it wasn’t something that we talked about and then I apply to go to college
and then I apply to go to college
and then I apply to go to college because I had great teachers right I had
because I had great teachers right I had
because I had great teachers right I had great teachers and they were the ones
great teachers and they were the ones
great teachers and they were the ones who encouraged me to go to school and so
who encouraged me to go to school and so
who encouraged me to go to school and so I go to tell my aunts and there was
I go to tell my aunts and there was
I go to tell my aunts and there was always hot food there was one aunt who
always hot food there was one aunt who
always hot food there was one aunt who was always stirring a pot of red sauce
was always stirring a pot of red sauce
was always stirring a pot of red sauce we’re Sicilian a pot of red sauce that
we’re Sicilian a pot of red sauce that
we’re Sicilian a pot of red sauce that had been on the stove in Brooklyn since
had been on the stove in Brooklyn since
had been on the stove in Brooklyn since 1948 and and it you know you had to have
1948 and and it you know you had to have
1948 and and it you know you had to have hot food because somebody you know might
hot food because somebody you know might
hot food because somebody you know might need it somebody could have gotten
need it somebody could have gotten
need it somebody could have gotten paroled and some of you think I’m
paroled and some of you think I’m
paroled and some of you think I’m kidding and um so I went down and I told
kidding and um so I went down and I told
kidding and um so I went down and I told my aunt Josefina said aunt Josephine I’m
my aunt Josefina said aunt Josephine I’m
my aunt Josefina said aunt Josephine I’m gonna go to college and she said she
gonna go to college and she said she
gonna go to college and she said she stopped stirring which meant she hadn’t
stopped stirring which meant she hadn’t
stopped stirring which meant she hadn’t done that since 1948 right and and so
done that since 1948 right and and so
done that since 1948 right and and so like the earth tilted on its axis
like the earth tilted on its axis
like the earth tilted on its axis because of the stirring it stopped and
because of the stirring it stopped and
because of the stirring it stopped and she said well you mean you’re going to
she said well you mean you’re going to
she said well you mean you’re going to go to school I said I’m gonna go to
go to school I said I’m gonna go to
go to school I said I’m gonna go to college so where you going to go to
college so where you going to go to
college so where you going to go to college I said I’m going to go to
college I said I’m going to go to
college I said I’m going to go to college in New Hampshire a place called
college in New Hampshire a place called
college in New Hampshire a place called Dartmouth they just let girls in there
Dartmouth they just let girls in there
Dartmouth they just let girls in there and she said you’re gonna go to school
and she said you’re gonna go to school
and she said you’re gonna go to school in New Hampshire I thought she was
in New Hampshire I thought she was
in New Hampshire I thought she was worried about the money I said I got a
worried about the money I said I got a
worried about the money I said I got a scholarship I got work-study I got loans
scholarship I got work-study I got loans
scholarship I got work-study I got loans she looked at me she said you’re
she looked at me she said you’re
she looked at me she said you’re pregnant right oh I’m a good student I
pregnant right oh I’m a good student I
pregnant right oh I’m a good student I got into school she said New Hampshire
got into school she said New Hampshire
got into school she said New Hampshire said it happened to your cousin Elaine
said it happened to your cousin Elaine
said it happened to your cousin Elaine said you can always come home so I go to
said you can always come home so I go to
said you can always come home so I go to Hanover New Hampshire and it’s 1975 now
Hanover New Hampshire and it’s 1975 now
Hanover New Hampshire and it’s 1975 now they let the girls and women in as fully
they let the girls and women in as fully
they let the girls and women in as fully matriculated students three years before
matriculated students three years before
matriculated students three years before I entered and most of the lot of them
I entered and most of the lot of them
I entered and most of the lot of them were alumni daughters maybe not most of
were alumni daughters maybe not most of
were alumni daughters maybe not most of them but a lot of them so they grew up
them but a lot of them so they grew up
them but a lot of them so they grew up in the culture and it was very sort of
in the culture and it was very sort of
in the culture and it was very sort of hi wasp and all of the girls that I
hi wasp and all of the girls that I
hi wasp and all of the girls that I started with look like Gwyneth Paltrow
started with look like Gwyneth Paltrow
started with look like Gwyneth Paltrow and on a good day in 1975 I look like
and on a good day in 1975 I look like
and on a good day in 1975 I look like Janis Joplin so I’m walking around
Janis Joplin so I’m walking around
Janis Joplin so I’m walking around campus thinking well I got nine months
campus thinking well I got nine months
campus thinking well I got nine months before anybody expects me home I might
before anybody expects me home I might
before anybody expects me home I might as well have a good time and I’m walking
as well have a good time and I’m walking
as well have a good time and I’m walking around and I learned because boys would
around and I learned because boys would
around and I learned because boys would come up to me young men who had grown up
come up to me young men who had grown up
come up to me young men who had grown up at the culture of the school who was you
at the culture of the school who was you
at the culture of the school who was you know fathers have been there for
know fathers have been there for
know fathers have been there for generations since they said why do you
generations since they said why do you
generations since they said why do you want to come to a boys school why are
want to come to a boys school why are
want to come to a boys school why are you trying to ruin everything
you trying to ruin everything
you trying to ruin everything and for three years I tried to explain
and for three years I tried to explain
and for three years I tried to explain why co education was important maybe not
why co education was important maybe not
why co education was important maybe not in every school I think there should be
in every school I think there should be
in every school I think there should be single sex schools but in these old
single sex schools but in these old
single sex schools but in these old August institutions that would feed
August institutions that would feed
August institutions that would feed directly into law schools into Medical
directly into law schools into Medical
directly into law schools into Medical School’s into businesses that there
School’s into businesses that there
School’s into businesses that there should be equal access even if the
should be equal access even if the
should be equal access even if the outcomes aren’t there saying there at
outcomes aren’t there saying there at
outcomes aren’t there saying there at least have to be equal access and they
least have to be equal access and they
least have to be equal access and they didn’t listen and by my third year I
didn’t listen and by my third year I
didn’t listen and by my third year I learned that if I answered when they
learned that if I answered when they
learned that if I answered when they said why do you want to come to a boys
said why do you want to come to a boys
said why do you want to come to a boys school you know when all grandfather’s
school you know when all grandfather’s
school you know when all grandfather’s went here there were no women if I
went here there were no women if I
went here there were no women if I learned to say by the end of it yo when
learned to say by the end of it yo when
learned to say by the end of it yo when your grandfather’s win here there were
your grandfather’s win here there were
your grandfather’s win here there were no indoor lights that they listened they
no indoor lights that they listened they
no indoor lights that they listened they heard that because when you use humor
heard that because when you use humor
heard that because when you use humor it’s like throwing a frisbee and like
it’s like throwing a frisbee and like
it’s like throwing a frisbee and like the Labrador reaches out and catches it
the Labrador reaches out and catches it
the Labrador reaches out and catches it whether it wants to or not
whether it wants to or not
whether it wants to or not humor is something people hear you can
humor is something people hear you can
humor is something people hear you can get people to hear you Murr so I had a
get people to hear you Murr so I had a
get people to hear you Murr so I had a friend who was a swimmer she was like
friend who was a swimmer she was like
friend who was a swimmer she was like like a presses an Olympic swimmer and
like a presses an Olympic swimmer and
like a presses an Olympic swimmer and she
she
she had that swimmers physique shed broad
had that swimmers physique shed broad
had that swimmers physique shed broad shoulders narrow waist short hair she
shoulders narrow waist short hair she
shoulders narrow waist short hair she was great and we go to parties and guys
was great and we go to parties and guys
was great and we go to parties and guys would come up and go anybody take you
would come up and go anybody take you
would come up and go anybody take you for a man anybody hit the gear man and
for a man anybody hit the gear man and
for a man anybody hit the gear man and she would turn around go no you and I
she would turn around go no you and I
she would turn around go no you and I mean it was just like you want to play
mean it was just like you want to play
mean it was just like you want to play we’re gonna play you know it’s like how
we’re gonna play you know it’s like how
we’re gonna play you know it’s like how are we gonna make this work and so you
are we gonna make this work and so you
are we gonna make this work and so you learn to take a shortcut through humor
learn to take a shortcut through humor
learn to take a shortcut through humor right to have people hear what the
right to have people hear what the
right to have people hear what the implications are of what they’re talking
implications are of what they’re talking
implications are of what they’re talking about but what I’m talking about humor
about but what I’m talking about humor
about but what I’m talking about humor is redemption which has come-to ever
is redemption which has come-to ever
is redemption which has come-to ever eaten a bunch of books about humor the
eaten a bunch of books about humor the
eaten a bunch of books about humor the first was called they used to call me
first was called they used to call me
first was called they used to call me Snow White but I drifted and and then
Snow White but I drifted and and then
Snow White but I drifted and and then there’s one’s cold it’s not that I’m
there’s one’s cold it’s not that I’m
there’s one’s cold it’s not that I’m bitter because why would I be there been
bitter because why would I be there been
bitter because why would I be there been a number of them perfect husbands and
a number of them perfect husbands and
a number of them perfect husbands and other fairytales that got me onto Oprah
other fairytales that got me onto Oprah
other fairytales that got me onto Oprah which was also an interesting thing I
which was also an interesting thing I
which was also an interesting thing I was on Oprah four times and at one point
was on Oprah four times and at one point
was on Oprah four times and at one point I was on with two women who had written
I was on with two women who had written
I was on with two women who had written a book about how you have to trap a man
a book about how you have to trap a man
a book about how you have to trap a man into marriage which I didn’t think was a
into marriage which I didn’t think was a
into marriage which I didn’t think was a good idea and I’m there as the expert
good idea and I’m there as the expert
good idea and I’m there as the expert and this woman got on and she said well
and this woman got on and she said well
and this woman got on and she said well dr. Baraka she was also from Brooklyn we
dr. Baraka she was also from Brooklyn we
dr. Baraka she was also from Brooklyn we the same accent well dr. Baraka said how
the same accent well dr. Baraka said how
the same accent well dr. Baraka said how many times have you been married and I
many times have you been married and I
many times have you been married and I said actually I’ve been married twice
said actually I’ve been married twice
said actually I’ve been married twice and she said well I’m on my first
and she said well I’m on my first
and she said well I’m on my first marriage and I thought okay I could go a
marriage and I thought okay I could go a
marriage and I thought okay I could go a couple of ways with this answer but
couple of ways with this answer but
couple of ways with this answer but really it’s so close to menopause let me
really it’s so close to menopause let me
really it’s so close to menopause let me be honest you know
be honest you know
be honest you know so she says we’re both on our way around
so she says we’re both on our way around
so she says we’re both on our way around my first I’m on my first marriage and I
my first I’m on my first marriage and I
my first I’m on my first marriage and I said yeah honey but I’m on my last and
said yeah honey but I’m on my last and
said yeah honey but I’m on my last and the women in the audience always like
the women in the audience always like
the women in the audience always like and I thought oh I’m just gonna have a
and I thought oh I’m just gonna have a
and I thought oh I’m just gonna have a good time I mean there’s really no
good time I mean there’s really no
good time I mean there’s really no reason not to have a good time but the
reason not to have a good time but the
reason not to have a good time but the real purpose of humor why you myrrh is
real purpose of humor why you myrrh is
real purpose of humor why you myrrh is essential in everyday life is not just
essential in everyday life is not just
essential in everyday life is not just to come up with the quick answer
to come up with the quick answer
to come up with the quick answer although they think that’s healthy but
although they think that’s healthy but
although they think that’s healthy but it’s to be able to understand that humor
it’s to be able to understand that humor
it’s to be able to understand that humor allows you to tell the story humor
allows you to tell the story humor
allows you to tell the story humor allows you to take an incident something
allows you to take an incident something
allows you to take an incident something that happened to you especially
that happened to you especially
that happened to you especially something bad or disturbing or troubling
something bad or disturbing or troubling
something bad or disturbing or troubling that happened to you and to turn it into
that happened to you and to turn it into
that happened to you and to turn it into something
something
something it lets you get your deposit back on a
it lets you get your deposit back on a
it lets you get your deposit back on a moment that would otherwise be lost to
moment that would otherwise be lost to
moment that would otherwise be lost to misery to grief to frustration so that
misery to grief to frustration so that
misery to grief to frustration so that for example when something if I ask
for example when something if I ask
for example when something if I ask people when I do these conferences where
people when I do these conferences where
people when I do these conferences where they have a you know because finally at
they have a you know because finally at
they have a you know because finally at the end I’m there is like the woman
the end I’m there is like the woman
the end I’m there is like the woman whisperer
whisperer
whisperer and people are talking about humour you
and people are talking about humour you
and people are talking about humour you know they’re asking questions and they
know they’re asking questions and they
know they’re asking questions and they say but how do I develop my sense of
say but how do I develop my sense of
say but how do I develop my sense of humor and I said okay if I ask you to
humor and I said okay if I ask you to
humor and I said okay if I ask you to tell me the funniest thing tell me the
tell me the funniest thing tell me the
tell me the funniest thing tell me the funniest story about your childhood
funniest story about your childhood
funniest story about your childhood tell me the funniest story about high
tell me the funniest story about high
tell me the funniest story about high school nobody tells the story about
school nobody tells the story about
school nobody tells the story about something good that happened right if I
something good that happened right if I
something good that happened right if I asked you all to tell the funniest story
asked you all to tell the funniest story
asked you all to tell the funniest story about your childhood it wouldn’t be the
about your childhood it wouldn’t be the
about your childhood it wouldn’t be the day you won the spelling bee unless like
day you won the spelling bee unless like
day you won the spelling bee unless like you you know tied up and hid the person
you you know tied up and hid the person
you you know tied up and hid the person was supposed to run the spelling bee
was supposed to run the spelling bee
was supposed to run the spelling bee under the bleachers I mean in a version
under the bleachers I mean in a version
under the bleachers I mean in a version of Carrie or something I mean really we
of Carrie or something I mean really we
of Carrie or something I mean really we make our funny stories the stories what
make our funny stories the stories what
make our funny stories the stories what the English would say that we dine off
the English would say that we dine off
the English would say that we dine off of we make those stories automatically
of we make those stories automatically
of we make those stories automatically instinctively out of pain right but we
instinctively out of pain right but we
instinctively out of pain right but we need to keep doing that because when
need to keep doing that because when
need to keep doing that because when something bad happens to you you don’t
something bad happens to you you don’t
something bad happens to you you don’t undermine your power by turning it into
undermine your power by turning it into
undermine your power by turning it into something funny you give yourself power
something funny you give yourself power
something funny you give yourself power you become the author of the story it’s
you become the author of the story it’s
you become the author of the story it’s not something that was done to you it’s
not something that was done to you it’s
not something that was done to you it’s something that you control you control
something that you control you control
something that you control you control the narrative when you can make a story
the narrative when you can make a story
the narrative when you can make a story out of it it becomes yours you’re no
out of it it becomes yours you’re no
out of it it becomes yours you’re no longer the victim of circumstances you
longer the victim of circumstances you
longer the victim of circumstances you are the author the authority of the
are the author the authority of the
are the author the authority of the thing that happened to you
thing that happened to you
thing that happened to you so that when something bad happens to
so that when something bad happens to
so that when something bad happens to you you frame it as something else not
you you frame it as something else not
you you frame it as something else not to diminish it not to diminish yourself
to diminish it not to diminish yourself
to diminish it not to diminish yourself but to reconsider it okay
but to reconsider it okay
but to reconsider it okay it’s like putting something in a pawn
it’s like putting something in a pawn
it’s like putting something in a pawn shop right you walk around like with the
shop right you walk around like with the
shop right you walk around like with the ticket and you mer allows you to redeem
ticket and you mer allows you to redeem
ticket and you mer allows you to redeem it it allows you to get it back humor is
it it allows you to get it back humor is
it it allows you to get it back humor is essential if you write down what happens
essential if you write down what happens
essential if you write down what happens to you and then you look at it from a
to you and then you look at it from a
to you and then you look at it from a different angle you have an entirely
different angle you have an entirely
different angle you have an entirely different sense of perspective and
different sense of perspective and
different sense of perspective and entirely different sense of control I
entirely different sense of control I
entirely different sense of control I suggest that when somebody comes up to
suggest that when somebody comes up to
suggest that when somebody comes up to you and says if you’re laughing with
you and says if you’re laughing with
you and says if you’re laughing with friends and you’re up to like the head
friends and you’re up to like the head
friends and you’re up to like the head and somebody comes up and says what’s so
and somebody comes up and says what’s so
and somebody comes up and says what’s so funny what a most of us say nothing and
funny what a most of us say nothing and
funny what a most of us say nothing and we’re thinking you know what it would
we’re thinking you know what it would
we’re thinking you know what it would take 3000 years of cultural history to
take 3000 years of cultural history to
take 3000 years of cultural history to explain why this is funny and I’m on a
explain why this is funny and I’m on a
explain why this is funny and I’m on a short break but instead be a leader be
short break but instead be a leader be
short break but instead be a leader be the author of your own life when
the author of your own life when
the author of your own life when somebody comes up and says what’s so
somebody comes up and says what’s so
somebody comes up and says what’s so funny tell them what’s so funny and
funny tell them what’s so funny and
funny tell them what’s so funny and recognize that even if that person
recognize that even if that person
recognize that even if that person doesn’t laugh what you haven’t made is a
doesn’t laugh what you haven’t made is a
doesn’t laugh what you haven’t made is a mistake which you’ve made is a terrific
mistake which you’ve made is a terrific
mistake which you’ve made is a terrific beginning thank you thank you
”
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