when I was asked to talk about a topic that I thought might be worth knowing or
that I thought might be worth knowing or
that I thought might be worth knowing or sharing that might help others in
sharing that might help others in
sharing that might help others in pursuit of being the best they can be
pursuit of being the best they can be
pursuit of being the best they can be I knew immediately what I wanted to talk
I knew immediately what I wanted to talk
I knew immediately what I wanted to talk about if I were to tell you that there
about if I were to tell you that there
about if I were to tell you that there is a a mindset a way of thinking that
is a a mindset a way of thinking that
is a a mindset a way of thinking that shows up time and time and time again in
shows up time and time and time again in
shows up time and time and time again in the highest performing teams in
the highest performing teams in
the highest performing teams in businesses and organizations and that
businesses and organizations and that
businesses and organizations and that this mindset underpins our ability to be
this mindset underpins our ability to be
this mindset underpins our ability to be the best that we can be however we
the best that we can be however we
the best that we can be however we define that for ourselves in any given
define that for ourselves in any given
define that for ourselves in any given situation I’m guessing you might quite
situation I’m guessing you might quite
situation I’m guessing you might quite like to know what it is but first a
like to know what it is but first a
like to know what it is but first a personal story I think I have always
personal story I think I have always
personal story I think I have always been the sort of person who believes
been the sort of person who believes
been the sort of person who believes that you can achieve anything you want
that you can achieve anything you want
that you can achieve anything you want to achieve if you just put your mind to
to achieve if you just put your mind to
to achieve if you just put your mind to it and by way of an example I discovered
it and by way of an example I discovered
it and by way of an example I discovered nightclubs and boys at around the same
nightclubs and boys at around the same
nightclubs and boys at around the same time as I started studying for my
time as I started studying for my
time as I started studying for my a-levels not a good combination
a-levels not a good combination
a-levels not a good combination I say studying with the Loosli sense of
I say studying with the Loosli sense of
I say studying with the Loosli sense of the word because I had about this much
the word because I had about this much
the word because I had about this much interest in math economics and French
interest in math economics and French
interest in math economics and French and consequently didn’t really attend
and consequently didn’t really attend
and consequently didn’t really attend many lessons at all and those those
many lessons at all and those those
many lessons at all and those those lessons that I did attend I largely
lessons that I did attend I largely
lessons that I did attend I largely spent with the earpiece of a Sony
spent with the earpiece of a Sony
spent with the earpiece of a Sony Walkman cassette player plugged into one
Walkman cassette player plugged into one
Walkman cassette player plugged into one ear pretended to listen to the economics
ear pretended to listen to the economics
ear pretended to listen to the economics teacher with the other but about three
teacher with the other but about three
teacher with the other but about three weeks before my a level exams I decided
weeks before my a level exams I decided
weeks before my a level exams I decided that I might quite like to go to
that I might quite like to go to
that I might quite like to go to university freshers week and freedom
university freshers week and freedom
university freshers week and freedom being the too enticing factors so with
being the too enticing factors so with
being the too enticing factors so with the mindset that you could achieve
the mindset that you could achieve
the mindset that you could achieve anything you want to if you just put
anything you want to if you just put
anything you want to if you just put your mind to it safely under my arm I
your mind to it safely under my arm I
your mind to it safely under my arm I set about learning two years of
set about learning two years of
set about learning two years of curriculum in three weeks now much to my
curriculum in three weeks now much to my
curriculum in three weeks now much to my parents surprise of my teachers
parents surprise of my teachers
parents surprise of my teachers indignation I actually got the grades
indignation I actually got the grades
indignation I actually got the grades that I needed to get to university and
that I needed to get to university and
that I needed to get to university and off I skipped to fresh this week and
off I skipped to fresh this week and
off I skipped to fresh this week and freedom this this mindset that you can
freedom this this mindset that you can
freedom this this mindset that you can be anything you want to be if you just
be anything you want to be if you just
be anything you want to be if you just put your put your mind to it has tent
put your put your mind to it has tent
put your put your mind to it has tent has led me to a career in performance
has led me to a career in performance
has led me to a career in performance improvement helping organizations help
improvement helping organizations help
improvement helping organizations help their people be the best that they can
their people be the best that they can
their people be the best that they can be in any given situation and over the
be in any given situation and over the
be in any given situation and over the 25 years of doing this I’ve met some
25 years of doing this I’ve met some
25 years of doing this I’ve met some really interesting people and work with
really interesting people and work with
really interesting people and work with some really interesting and very famous
some really interesting and very famous
some really interesting and very famous organizations actually but the idea that
organizations actually but the idea that
organizations actually but the idea that mindset has a massive impact on
mindset has a massive impact on
mindset has a massive impact on performance really came into sharp focus
performance really came into sharp focus
performance really came into sharp focus when I was working with quite a large
when I was working with quite a large
when I was working with quite a large team of say
team of say
team of say people now this team of salespeople had
people now this team of salespeople had
people now this team of salespeople had a quite a unique job so if you think
a quite a unique job so if you think
a quite a unique job so if you think about in today’s economy two clicks on
about in today’s economy two clicks on
about in today’s economy two clicks on Google and you can literally get any
Google and you can literally get any
Google and you can literally get any package you want delivered to your door
package you want delivered to your door
package you want delivered to your door seemingly within an hour these days
seemingly within an hour these days
seemingly within an hour these days these salespeople had a very different
these salespeople had a very different
these salespeople had a very different job they were selling quite high-value
job they were selling quite high-value
job they were selling quite high-value products inside a customer’s home this
products inside a customer’s home this
products inside a customer’s home this is a unique experience in today’s
is a unique experience in today’s
is a unique experience in today’s economy and there were 500 of them all
economy and there were 500 of them all
economy and there were 500 of them all over the country selling inside
over the country selling inside
over the country selling inside customers homes and the sales leader in
customers homes and the sales leader in
customers homes and the sales leader in charge understandably wanted to drive up
charge understandably wanted to drive up
charge understandably wanted to drive up sales performance
sales performance
sales performance who wouldn’t when you were sales leader
who wouldn’t when you were sales leader
who wouldn’t when you were sales leader and he had quite an interesting group of
and he had quite an interesting group of
and he had quite an interesting group of salespeople working for him he had what
salespeople working for him he had what
salespeople working for him he had what we call a very wide performance
we call a very wide performance
we call a very wide performance distribution and what that means is at
distribution and what that means is at
distribution and what that means is at this end of the spectrum he had a
this end of the spectrum he had a
this end of the spectrum he had a percentage very small percentage of
percentage very small percentage of
percentage very small percentage of really low performers in the middle he
really low performers in the middle he
really low performers in the middle he had quite an abundance of average
had quite an abundance of average
had quite an abundance of average performers all operating around the
performers all operating around the
performers all operating around the middle at the top end he had these six
middle at the top end he had these six
middle at the top end he had these six outliers if you like these six high
outliers if you like these six high
outliers if you like these six high performers that were outperforming
performers that were outperforming
performers that were outperforming everybody else in the group and he
everybody else in the group and he
everybody else in the group and he understandably wanted to know why what
understandably wanted to know why what
understandably wanted to know why what did these six performers have that
did these six performers have that
did these six performers have that everybody else didn’t have was it some
everybody else didn’t have was it some
everybody else didn’t have was it some unique sales capability that they
unique sales capability that they
unique sales capability that they developed over time or were they just
developed over time or were they just
developed over time or were they just blessed with that gift of the gab that
blessed with that gift of the gab that
blessed with that gift of the gab that only certain salespeople have so we set
only certain salespeople have so we set
only certain salespeople have so we set about trying to find out what it was so
about trying to find out what it was so
about trying to find out what it was so we took these six high performers and we
we took these six high performers and we
we took these six high performers and we put them through simulations we
put them through simulations we
put them through simulations we interviewed them we assessed every
interviewed them we assessed every
interviewed them we assessed every aspect of their performance to try to
aspect of their performance to try to
aspect of their performance to try to work out what was it that they were
work out what was it that they were
work out what was it that they were doing that other people weren’t and it
doing that other people weren’t and it
doing that other people weren’t and it was quite interesting this is a
was quite interesting this is a
was quite interesting this is a representation of what they roughly
representation of what they roughly
representation of what they roughly looked like these six high performers
looked like these six high performers
looked like these six high performers didn’t have an awful lot in common at
didn’t have an awful lot in common at
didn’t have an awful lot in common at all they were all bringing an incredibly
all they were all bringing an incredibly
all they were all bringing an incredibly different and unique way of selling into
different and unique way of selling into
different and unique way of selling into customers homes yet everything from the
customers homes yet everything from the
customers homes yet everything from the nice guys with a problem-solver the
nice guys with a problem-solver the
nice guys with a problem-solver the research all incredibly different but
research all incredibly different but
research all incredibly different but the one thing that they did have in
the one thing that they did have in
the one thing that they did have in common other than all being men but
common other than all being men but
common other than all being men but there wasn’t they did have in common was
there wasn’t they did have in common was
there wasn’t they did have in common was their mindset now it’s hardly an atoms
their mindset now it’s hardly an atoms
their mindset now it’s hardly an atoms splitting discovery that mindset impacts
splitting discovery that mindset impacts
splitting discovery that mindset impacts on performance in fact two clicks on
on performance in fact two clicks on
on performance in fact two clicks on Google and you’ll get 29 related
Google and you’ll get 29 related
Google and you’ll get 29 related articles relating to the subject so
articles relating to the subject so
articles relating to the subject so wasn’t the discovery the discovery was
wasn’t the discovery the discovery was
wasn’t the discovery the discovery was this they had an incredibly similar way
this they had an incredibly similar way
this they had an incredibly similar way of thinking now while their peers and
of thinking now while their peers and
of thinking now while their peers and colleagues were all operating down here
colleagues were all operating down here
colleagues were all operating down here so wallowing in the limiting belief if
so wallowing in the limiting belief if
so wallowing in the limiting belief if the jobs too hard I can never do it or
the jobs too hard I can never do it or
the jobs too hard I can never do it or making excuses it’s much easier to sell
making excuses it’s much easier to sell
making excuses it’s much easier to sell to the Welsh than it is to the Scottish
to the Welsh than it is to the Scottish
to the Welsh than it is to the Scottish somebody actually said that to me um or
somebody actually said that to me um or
somebody actually said that to me um or blaming others I’d be amazing if my
blaming others I’d be amazing if my
blaming others I’d be amazing if my manager was better or waiting and hoping
manager was better or waiting and hoping
manager was better or waiting and hoping for the magic wand of success to tap
for the magic wand of success to tap
for the magic wand of success to tap them on the head in the middle of the
them on the head in the middle of the
them on the head in the middle of the night the other six high performers were
night the other six high performers were
night the other six high performers were actively operating above the dotted line
actively operating above the dotted line
actively operating above the dotted line they were taking responsibility for
they were taking responsibility for
they were taking responsibility for their performance and taking action off
their performance and taking action off
their performance and taking action off their own bat every single day to
their own bat every single day to
their own bat every single day to improve history examples one of them
improve history examples one of them
improve history examples one of them said to me that after every single
said to me that after every single
said to me that after every single appointment he would drive his car
appointment he would drive his car
appointment he would drive his car around the corner and he would sit in
around the corner and he would sit in
around the corner and he would sit in there and he would go through every
there and he would go through every
there and he would go through every element of the conversation that he just
element of the conversation that he just
element of the conversation that he just had working out what had gone well and
had working out what had gone well and
had working out what had gone well and what had gone badly and making a change
what had gone badly and making a change
what had gone badly and making a change in the moment so the very next
in the moment so the very next
in the moment so the very next conversation would be different another
conversation would be different another
conversation would be different another one said to me that he was worried about
one said to me that he was worried about
one said to me that he was worried about his technical knowledge and in the
his technical knowledge and in the
his technical knowledge and in the absence of any good training materials
absence of any good training materials
absence of any good training materials for the company he worked for
for the company he worked for
for the company he worked for um he used to go online in his own time
um he used to go online in his own time
um he used to go online in his own time and download technical specifications of
and download technical specifications of
and download technical specifications of product and learn it overnight so that
product and learn it overnight so that
product and learn it overnight so that he’d be better the next day and another
he’d be better the next day and another
he’d be better the next day and another guy told me about what they all used to
guy told me about what they all used to
guy told me about what they all used to call rubbish appointments that was very
call rubbish appointments that was very
call rubbish appointments that was very widely well known in the team that there
widely well known in the team that there
widely well known in the team that there were certain customers that it was
were certain customers that it was
were certain customers that it was really hard to sell to they called him
really hard to sell to they called him
really hard to sell to they called him the rubbish appointments and these six
the rubbish appointments and these six
the rubbish appointments and these six high performers they used to use those
high performers they used to use those
high performers they used to use those rubbish appointments as an opportunity
rubbish appointments as an opportunity
rubbish appointments as an opportunity to practice a different art to practice
to practice a different art to practice
to practice a different art to practice a new way of of selling to customers and
a new way of of selling to customers and
a new way of of selling to customers and so they would always show up to those
so they would always show up to those
so they would always show up to those appointments while the rest of the sales
appointments while the rest of the sales
appointments while the rest of the sales force used to say that they never used
force used to say that they never used
force used to say that they never used to shop to this because they weren’t
to shop to this because they weren’t
to shop to this because they weren’t worth attending and guess what the six
worth attending and guess what the six
worth attending and guess what the six high performers were actually converting
high performers were actually converting
high performers were actually converting one in ten of those customers now isn’t
one in ten of those customers now isn’t
one in ten of those customers now isn’t these six just these six high performers
these six just these six high performers
these six just these six high performers that operate like this in every team in
that operate like this in every team in
that operate like this in every team in every business in every organisation
every business in every organisation
every business in every organisation there are people who think down here and
there are people who think down here and
there are people who think down here and people who think up there and it doesn’t
people who think up there and it doesn’t
people who think up there and it doesn’t take n Stein to work out who the high
take n Stein to work out who the high
take n Stein to work out who the high performers are going to be just put them
performers are going to be just put them
performers are going to be just put them in a room and
in a room and
in a room and listen to the way that they talk to each
listen to the way that they talk to each
listen to the way that they talk to each other and you can hear who the hyper
other and you can hear who the hyper
other and you can hear who the hyper forms are going to be without you’re
forms are going to be without you’re
forms are going to be without you’re looking at an Excel spreadsheet now I
looking at an Excel spreadsheet now I
looking at an Excel spreadsheet now I could be accused of grossly
could be accused of grossly
could be accused of grossly oversimplifying the link between mindset
oversimplifying the link between mindset
oversimplifying the link between mindset behavior and performance and you might
behavior and performance and you might
behavior and performance and you might be right
be right
be right there are Suede’s of research and
there are Suede’s of research and
there are Suede’s of research and evidence out there that basically make
evidence out there that basically make
evidence out there that basically make the link between mindset and performance
the link between mindset and performance
the link between mindset and performance but the thing is and it’s all good and
but the thing is and it’s all good and
but the thing is and it’s all good and it’s all true and it’s all right there’s
it’s all true and it’s all right there’s
it’s all true and it’s all right there’s everything from the nature-nurture
everything from the nature-nurture
everything from the nature-nurture argument through cognitive behavior
argument through cognitive behavior
argument through cognitive behavior therapy oh right the way through to
therapy oh right the way through to
therapy oh right the way through to neuroscience and it’s all good but when
neuroscience and it’s all good but when
neuroscience and it’s all good but when you’ve got five minutes to persuade
you’ve got five minutes to persuade
you’ve got five minutes to persuade somebody in the moment to think
somebody in the moment to think
somebody in the moment to think differently to see a different way and
differently to see a different way and
differently to see a different way and to take a different action I don’t know
to take a different action I don’t know
to take a different action I don’t know anything better than this cheek little
anything better than this cheek little
anything better than this cheek little ladder to help somebody to see a
ladder to help somebody to see a
ladder to help somebody to see a different way of being now once you
different way of being now once you
different way of being now once you share this with people it becomes
share this with people it becomes
share this with people it becomes incredibly sticky it gets its own legs
incredibly sticky it gets its own legs
incredibly sticky it gets its own legs when she when she shared it with a group
when she when she shared it with a group
when she when she shared it with a group of people I was working with some
of people I was working with some
of people I was working with some managers up in rather room up north and
managers up in rather room up north and
managers up in rather room up north and one of the managers came to me after
one of the managers came to me after
one of the managers came to me after we’ve done a session and she said how
we’ve done a session and she said how
we’ve done a session and she said how love this Sally she’s how love this
love this Sally she’s how love this
love this Sally she’s how love this ladder is brilliant when I get with T on
ladder is brilliant when I get with T on
ladder is brilliant when I get with T on a team meeting and we’re all sat round
a team meeting and we’re all sat round
a team meeting and we’re all sat round and where we’re getting a little bit
and where we’re getting a little bit
and where we’re getting a little bit negative and a little bit cynical and
negative and a little bit cynical and
negative and a little bit cynical and we’re struggling to come up with answers
we’re struggling to come up with answers
we’re struggling to come up with answers I just get the ladder out and I point at
I just get the ladder out and I point at
I just get the ladder out and I point at it and everybody changes direction in
it and everybody changes direction in
it and everybody changes direction in the room seemingly you only de ladder in
the room seemingly you only de ladder in
the room seemingly you only de ladder in a finger in order to get people to
a finger in order to get people to
a finger in order to get people to change behavior the ladder also seemed
change behavior the ladder also seemed
change behavior the ladder also seemed really has no no hierarchy I was walking
really has no no hierarchy I was walking
really has no no hierarchy I was walking through a business and there was a PA
through a business and there was a PA
through a business and there was a PA sat behind a glass window and somebody
sat behind a glass window and somebody
sat behind a glass window and somebody who looked a lot more senior than her
who looked a lot more senior than her
who looked a lot more senior than her walked into the room and he started just
walked into the room and he started just
walked into the room and he started just to kiting like this is always having a
to kiting like this is always having a
to kiting like this is always having a rant about something and the PA just
rant about something and the PA just
rant about something and the PA just looked at him pointer that ladder behind
looked at him pointer that ladder behind
looked at him pointer that ladder behind her head looked back at him anyway and
her head looked back at him anyway and
her head looked back at him anyway and off he walked out
thus proving the point that you know in
thus proving the point that you know in that moment in time somebody very junior
that moment in time somebody very junior
that moment in time somebody very junior could hold somebody very senior to
could hold somebody very senior to
could hold somebody very senior to account in that moment without even
account in that moment without even
account in that moment without even needing any words this little ladder is
needing any words this little ladder is
needing any words this little ladder is also incredibly memorable I was on the
also incredibly memorable I was on the
also incredibly memorable I was on the phone to somebody the other day who were
phone to somebody the other day who were
phone to somebody the other day who were who I didn’t think that I knew but he
who I didn’t think that I knew but he
who I didn’t think that I knew but he started the conversation by saying
started the conversation by saying
started the conversation by saying actually Sally we’ve met before
actually Sally we’ve met before
actually Sally we’ve met before I was at an event that you were running
I was at an event that you were running
I was at an event that you were running where you were sharing you were sharing
where you were sharing you were sharing
where you were sharing you were sharing something about mindset you’re the
something about mindset you’re the
something about mindset you’re the ladder lady and there we go
ladder lady and there we go
ladder lady and there we go 25 years of performance improvement all
25 years of performance improvement all
25 years of performance improvement all classed into two words ladder lady
classed into two words ladder lady
classed into two words ladder lady brilliant now of course it’s not just
brilliant now of course it’s not just
brilliant now of course it’s not just for business the the ladder is for life
for business the the ladder is for life
for business the the ladder is for life as well and I would hazard a guess that
as well and I would hazard a guess that
as well and I would hazard a guess that every single person in this room has got
every single person in this room has got
every single person in this room has got something that they would like to change
something that they would like to change
something that they would like to change something that they would like to be
something that they would like to be
something that they would like to be different I don’t know maybe you’d like
different I don’t know maybe you’d like
different I don’t know maybe you’d like to get fitter or maybe you would like to
to get fitter or maybe you would like to
to get fitter or maybe you would like to improve a relationship or maybe you’d
improve a relationship or maybe you’d
improve a relationship or maybe you’d like to take on a new challenge or set
like to take on a new challenge or set
like to take on a new challenge or set yourself a new goal or pursue a new
yourself a new goal or pursue a new
yourself a new goal or pursue a new dream whatever it is that you’d like to
dream whatever it is that you’d like to
dream whatever it is that you’d like to do and I don’t believe for a minute that
do and I don’t believe for a minute that
do and I don’t believe for a minute that any of us set out to fail if I were to
any of us set out to fail if I were to
any of us set out to fail if I were to ask everybody in this room put your
ask everybody in this room put your
ask everybody in this room put your hands up if you’re low on accountability
hands up if you’re low on accountability
hands up if you’re low on accountability put your hand up if you don’t like to
put your hand up if you don’t like to
put your hand up if you don’t like to take responsibility nobody’s going to
take responsibility nobody’s going to
take responsibility nobody’s going to put their hand up because none of us
put their hand up because none of us
put their hand up because none of us really believe that we’re like that but
really believe that we’re like that but
really believe that we’re like that but I do think that we have a habit of
I do think that we have a habit of
I do think that we have a habit of getting a little bit stuck from time to
getting a little bit stuck from time to
getting a little bit stuck from time to time we will all operate on the bottom
time we will all operate on the bottom
time we will all operate on the bottom rungs and we’ll go down there every now
rungs and we’ll go down there every now
rungs and we’ll go down there every now and again and I think some of us maybe
and again and I think some of us maybe
and again and I think some of us maybe could think of people who like to live
could think of people who like to live
could think of people who like to live down there can everybody think of people
down there can everybody think of people
down there can everybody think of people who live on the bottom rungs of the
who live on the bottom rungs of the
who live on the bottom rungs of the ladder we call them the mood Hooper’s
ladder we call them the mood Hooper’s
ladder we call them the mood Hooper’s these are the people in society who will
these are the people in society who will
these are the people in society who will love to live on the bottom rungs they
love to live on the bottom rungs they
love to live on the bottom rungs they love to wallow in their own self-pity of
love to wallow in their own self-pity of
love to wallow in their own self-pity of their existence they love to blame
their existence they love to blame
their existence they love to blame everybody else for the story state of
everybody else for the story state of
everybody else for the story state of their lives and they love to drag us all
their lives and they love to drag us all
their lives and they love to drag us all down there with them and I’m alright
down there with them and I’m alright
down there with them and I’m alright with that as long as we accept one thing
with that as long as we accept one thing
with that as long as we accept one thing while we’re on the bottom rungs of that
while we’re on the bottom rungs of that
while we’re on the bottom rungs of that ladder nothing changes nothing changes
ladder nothing changes nothing changes
ladder nothing changes nothing changes while we would while we’re down there we
while we would while we’re down there we
while we would while we’re down there we don’t set out to pursue new challenges
don’t set out to pursue new challenges
don’t set out to pursue new challenges while we’re telling ourselves I could
while we’re telling ourselves I could
while we’re telling ourselves I could never do that
never do that
never do that we don’t set ourselves new goals while
we don’t set ourselves new goals while
we don’t set ourselves new goals while telling ourselves haven’t got the time
telling ourselves haven’t got the time
telling ourselves haven’t got the time we don’t make new relationships when
we don’t make new relationships when
we don’t make new relationships when we’re telling ourselves actually it’s
we’re telling ourselves actually it’s
we’re telling ourselves actually it’s everybody else’s fault and we definitely
everybody else’s fault and we definitely
everybody else’s fault and we definitely don’t try to build a new world while
don’t try to build a new world while
don’t try to build a new world while we’re telling ourselves it’s somebody
we’re telling ourselves it’s somebody
we’re telling ourselves it’s somebody else’s problem so each and every one of
else’s problem so each and every one of
else’s problem so each and every one of us needs to make the choice to move
us needs to make the choice to move
us needs to make the choice to move above the line if we actually want
above the line if we actually want
above the line if we actually want something to change and I believe it’s
something to change and I believe it’s
something to change and I believe it’s these little eight wrongs that allow us
these little eight wrongs that allow us
these little eight wrongs that allow us to do that to reflect our way of
to do that to reflect our way of
to do that to reflect our way of thinking like a prism in front of us to
thinking like a prism in front of us to
thinking like a prism in front of us to start to make decisions about the kinds
start to make decisions about the kinds
start to make decisions about the kinds of choices and the kinds of changes that
of choices and the kinds of changes that
of choices and the kinds of changes that we want to make
we want to make
we want to make now this little ladder is that simple it
now this little ladder is that simple it
now this little ladder is that simple it even works with kids I’ve got a
even works with kids I’ve got a
even works with kids I’ve got a confession to make have three children
confession to make have three children
confession to make have three children that’s not the confession I have I have
that’s not the confession I have I have
that’s not the confession I have I have one of these ladders on my fridge at
one of these ladders on my fridge at
one of these ladders on my fridge at home and that’s the confession I’m a
home and that’s the confession I’m a
home and that’s the confession I’m a parent and I want to instill the values
parent and I want to instill the values
parent and I want to instill the values and the virtues of accountability into
and the virtues of accountability into
and the virtues of accountability into my children as early as possible without
my children as early as possible without
my children as early as possible without ramming it down their throats and I’m
ramming it down their throats and I’m
ramming it down their throats and I’m not sure I always achieve that balance
not sure I always achieve that balance
not sure I always achieve that balance but when my daughter was eight years old
but when my daughter was eight years old
but when my daughter was eight years old she came home from school and and she’d
she came home from school and and she’d
she came home from school and and she’d had a bit of a falling out with one of
had a bit of a falling out with one of
had a bit of a falling out with one of her friends and she was telling me all
her friends and she was telling me all
her friends and she was telling me all about this and she said that one of her
about this and she said that one of her
about this and she said that one of her friends had called her names and
friends had called her names and
friends had called her names and encouraged other girls to also get
encouraged other girls to also get
encouraged other girls to also get involved and she was understandably a
involved and she was understandably a
involved and she was understandably a little bit upset wouldn’t we all be so
little bit upset wouldn’t we all be so
little bit upset wouldn’t we all be so when I got the ladder off the fridge and
when I got the ladder off the fridge and
when I got the ladder off the fridge and I was just talking to her about what
I was just talking to her about what
I was just talking to her about what part she might have played in the
part she might have played in the
part she might have played in the episode and she was you know quite
episode and she was you know quite
episode and she was you know quite clearly reluctant to put any of the
clearly reluctant to put any of the
clearly reluctant to put any of the blame at her own two feet so we carried
blame at her own two feet so we carried
blame at her own two feet so we carried on the conversation for some time I mean
on the conversation for some time I mean
on the conversation for some time I mean we were going round and round in circles
we were going round and round in circles
we were going round and round in circles and I eventually just said to her
and I eventually just said to her
and I eventually just said to her pointed to the top rung what do you want
pointed to the top rung what do you want
pointed to the top rung what do you want to happen here do you want to be friends
to happen here do you want to be friends
to happen here do you want to be friends with this girl is that what you want to
with this girl is that what you want to
with this girl is that what you want to just said yeah of course I do I said
just said yeah of course I do I said
just said yeah of course I do I said brilliant why don’t you take
brilliant why don’t you take
brilliant why don’t you take responsibility go to school tomorrow and
responsibility go to school tomorrow and
responsibility go to school tomorrow and say you’re sorry and you want to make up
say you’re sorry and you want to make up
say you’re sorry and you want to make up and you want to be friends and she
and you want to be friends and she
and you want to be friends and she looked at me and she said why would I do
looked at me and she said why would I do
looked at me and she said why would I do that it was all her fault and the thing
that it was all her fault and the thing
that it was all her fault and the thing is this in every relationship in our
is this in every relationship in our
is this in every relationship in our lives there are always two perspectives
lives there are always two perspectives
lives there are always two perspectives right always two ways of looking at a
right always two ways of looking at a
right always two ways of looking at a situation and I wonder how many of us is
situation and I wonder how many of us is
situation and I wonder how many of us is sitting waiting and hoping that somebody
sitting waiting and hoping that somebody
sitting waiting and hoping that somebody else will make the first move how many
else will make the first move how many
else will make the first move how many of us are waiting for somebody else to
of us are waiting for somebody else to
of us are waiting for somebody else to apologize because
apologize because
apologize because we have a view that it’s all their fault
we have a view that it’s all their fault
we have a view that it’s all their fault and how many relationships while we’re
and how many relationships while we’re
and how many relationships while we’re waiting are disintegrating and
waiting are disintegrating and
waiting are disintegrating and evaporating right in front of us because
evaporating right in front of us because
evaporating right in front of us because we’ve reached this stalemate of not
we’ve reached this stalemate of not
we’ve reached this stalemate of not doing something about once you’ve got
doing something about once you’ve got
doing something about once you’ve got this way of thinking it becomes
this way of thinking it becomes
this way of thinking it becomes impossible really to to not see
impossible really to to not see
impossible really to to not see everything through this lens which can
everything through this lens which can
everything through this lens which can be a little bit irritating from time to
be a little bit irritating from time to
be a little bit irritating from time to time but this is how you start to see
time but this is how you start to see
time but this is how you start to see things and I was on LinkedIn the other
things and I was on LinkedIn the other
things and I was on LinkedIn the other day and there was a post that really
day and there was a post that really
day and there was a post that really struck me it was by a chap called fours
struck me it was by a chap called fours
struck me it was by a chap called fours car now I don’t know fours car at all
car now I don’t know fours car at all
car now I don’t know fours car at all but his post really struck me he started
but his post really struck me he started
but his post really struck me he started off by saying this at the age of 11 I
off by saying this at the age of 11 I
off by saying this at the age of 11 I decided to be a barrister my problem was
decided to be a barrister my problem was
decided to be a barrister my problem was but I knew no one in the law now how
but I knew no one in the law now how
but I knew no one in the law now how many of us might have stopped right
many of us might have stopped right
many of us might have stopped right there it’s not my jurisdiction it’s not
there it’s not my jurisdiction it’s not
there it’s not my jurisdiction it’s not where I come from I haven’t got enough
where I come from I haven’t got enough
where I come from I haven’t got enough connections I’ve not got enough
connections I’ve not got enough
connections I’ve not got enough experience
experience
experience not for Scarn he went on to write by 16
not for Scarn he went on to write by 16
not for Scarn he went on to write by 16 I plucked up the courage to visit a
I plucked up the courage to visit a
I plucked up the courage to visit a court I was very intimidated by the ye
court I was very intimidated by the ye
court I was very intimidated by the ye oldie worldy of oak panelling posh
oldie worldy of oak panelling posh
oldie worldy of oak panelling posh accents Potter suits intensive syllable
accents Potter suits intensive syllable
accents Potter suits intensive syllable words but it was that one step of
words but it was that one step of
words but it was that one step of accountability that changed the course
accountability that changed the course
accountability that changed the course of his life forever as he was leaving
of his life forever as he was leaving
of his life forever as he was leaving the building a senior barrister came up
the building a senior barrister came up
the building a senior barrister came up to him and said if you ever want any
to him and said if you ever want any
to him and said if you ever want any help just give me a call and he did and
help just give me a call and he did and
help just give me a call and he did and the senior barrister mentored him right
the senior barrister mentored him right
the senior barrister mentored him right up until the age of 23 where he helped
up until the age of 23 where he helped
up until the age of 23 where he helped him to get a job and forth Carmen goes
him to get a job and forth Carmen goes
him to get a job and forth Carmen goes on to write that in that moment he
on to write that in that moment he
on to write that in that moment he decided that he would pay it forward and
decided that he would pay it forward and
decided that he would pay it forward and he since helped 200 students make their
he since helped 200 students make their
he since helped 200 students make their way into law as well so it seems that
way into law as well so it seems that
way into law as well so it seems that accountability isn’t just in pursuit of
accountability isn’t just in pursuit of
accountability isn’t just in pursuit of our own views but we can also use it to
our own views but we can also use it to
our own views but we can also use it to help others in pursuit of theirs as well
help others in pursuit of theirs as well
help others in pursuit of theirs as well now I don’t expect for a minute that
now I don’t expect for a minute that
now I don’t expect for a minute that fours Khan is walking around the
fours Khan is walking around the
fours Khan is walking around the universe with an accountability ladder
universe with an accountability ladder
universe with an accountability ladder hanging out of his back pocket much as
hanging out of his back pocket much as
hanging out of his back pocket much as that would be lovely for me because some
that would be lovely for me because some
that would be lovely for me because some people just have the ability to wake up
people just have the ability to wake up
people just have the ability to wake up every morning and make a choice to be
every morning and make a choice to be
every morning and make a choice to be accountable for their actions but I do
accountable for their actions but I do
accountable for their actions but I do think it takes all of us to be able to
think it takes all of us to be able to
think it takes all of us to be able to look at ourselves in the mirror every
look at ourselves in the mirror every
look at ourselves in the mirror every day and be able to say to ourselves
day and be able to say to ourselves
day and be able to say to ourselves everything that happens to me today is
everything that happens to me today is
everything that happens to me today is all my fault
all my fault
all my fault now you might say well I on a minute all
now you might say well I on a minute all
now you might say well I on a minute all my fault is everything that happens to
my fault is everything that happens to
my fault is everything that happens to me all my fault
me all my fault
me all my fault because there are lots of things I agree
because there are lots of things I agree
because there are lots of things I agree that happened to
that happened to
that happened to that are outside of our control things
that are outside of our control things
that are outside of our control things that we can’t choose or change things
that we can’t choose or change things
that we can’t choose or change things that just happen to us but I believe
that just happen to us but I believe
that just happen to us but I believe through my experience of my work that
through my experience of my work that
through my experience of my work that this little ladder can even help us to
this little ladder can even help us to
this little ladder can even help us to be accountable and to be the best we can
be accountable and to be the best we can
be accountable and to be the best we can be even in the face of adversity I was
be even in the face of adversity I was
be even in the face of adversity I was working with a lady a few years ago and
working with a lady a few years ago and
working with a lady a few years ago and she had been living with cancer for many
she had been living with cancer for many
she had been living with cancer for many years when I met her and during the
years when I met her and during the
years when I met her and during the course of the time that I was working
course of the time that I was working
course of the time that I was working with her she learned that the cancer had
with her she learned that the cancer had
with her she learned that the cancer had become terminal and she said to me not
become terminal and she said to me not
become terminal and she said to me not just because of the ladder but she said
just because of the ladder but she said
just because of the ladder but she said to me during our time working together
to me during our time working together
to me during our time working together that she’s come to realize that even
that she’s come to realize that even
that she’s come to realize that even though she couldn’t control the outcome
though she couldn’t control the outcome
though she couldn’t control the outcome she could certainly control the person
she could certainly control the person
she could certainly control the person that she wanted to be and the legacy
that she wanted to be and the legacy
that she wanted to be and the legacy that she wanted to leave during the time
that she wanted to leave during the time
that she wanted to leave during the time that she was alive to conclude my idea
that she was alive to conclude my idea
that she was alive to conclude my idea my firm belief my passion is this I
my firm belief my passion is this I
my firm belief my passion is this I believe that we all have the ability to
believe that we all have the ability to
believe that we all have the ability to either operate down here or operate up
either operate down here or operate up
either operate down here or operate up there and I believe that we can all make
there and I believe that we can all make
there and I believe that we can all make a choice to achieve whatever we want to
a choice to achieve whatever we want to
a choice to achieve whatever we want to achieve to be whoever you want to be
achieve to be whoever you want to be
achieve to be whoever you want to be whether that’s whether you define that
whether that’s whether you define that
whether that’s whether you define that as passing a-level exams or whether it’s
as passing a-level exams or whether it’s
as passing a-level exams or whether it’s in pursuit of a new career or whether
in pursuit of a new career or whether
in pursuit of a new career or whether it’s in the pursuit of success at work
it’s in the pursuit of success at work
it’s in the pursuit of success at work or whether it’s in pursuit of building
or whether it’s in pursuit of building
or whether it’s in pursuit of building relationships or getting a job in law I
relationships or getting a job in law I
relationships or getting a job in law I believe that any of us can choose to
believe that any of us can choose to
believe that any of us can choose to achieve anything we put our minds to but
achieve anything we put our minds to but
achieve anything we put our minds to but it all starts with one little question
it all starts with one little question
it all starts with one little question where am I on the ladder
where am I on the ladder
where am I on the ladder [Applause]
”
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