welcome to the future today we are at the point in history when we are the
the point in history when we are the
the point in history when we are the most technologically advanced society
most technologically advanced society
most technologically advanced society ever we have robots that are using
ever we have robots that are using
ever we have robots that are using computers making surgery so precise that
computers making surgery so precise that
computers making surgery so precise that they are the incisions are smaller than
they are the incisions are smaller than
they are the incisions are smaller than the breadth of a human hair we
the breadth of a human hair we
the breadth of a human hair we communicate with the speed of light I
communicate with the speed of light I
communicate with the speed of light I have it at my house it’s wonderful thing
have it at my house it’s wonderful thing
have it at my house it’s wonderful thing fiber internet we also using devices
fiber internet we also using devices
fiber internet we also using devices like these are able to communicate to
like these are able to communicate to
like these are able to communicate to other people across the world using
other people across the world using
other people across the world using radio waves or you could use the radio
radio waves or you could use the radio
radio waves or you could use the radio waves to cook your hot pockets but the
waves to cook your hot pockets but the
waves to cook your hot pockets but the thing about all of this wonderful
thing about all of this wonderful
thing about all of this wonderful technological advancement is we are at
technological advancement is we are at
technological advancement is we are at the point in history when we are at our
the point in history when we are at our
the point in history when we are at our worst communication aliy interpersonal
worst communication aliy interpersonal
worst communication aliy interpersonal communication is at its all-time low the
communication is at its all-time low the
communication is at its all-time low the running joke is you know two people
running joke is you know two people
running joke is you know two people sitting in the same room texting each
sitting in the same room texting each
sitting in the same room texting each other rather than talking I work in
other rather than talking I work in
other rather than talking I work in information security specifically I have
information security specifically I have
information security specifically I have been focused for the last year and a
been focused for the last year and a
been focused for the last year and a half in social engineering and we
half in social engineering and we
half in social engineering and we developed these models one of which is
developed these models one of which is
developed these models one of which is also used by the FBI it’s called the
also used by the FBI it’s called the
also used by the FBI it’s called the behavioral change stairway model as you
behavioral change stairway model as you
behavioral change stairway model as you can see the behavioral change stairway
can see the behavioral change stairway
can see the behavioral change stairway model is designed for hostage
model is designed for hostage
model is designed for hostage negotiations really high-stress
negotiations really high-stress
negotiations really high-stress situations like that but we also use it
situations like that but we also use it
situations like that but we also use it in counseling we also use it in social
in counseling we also use it in social
in counseling we also use it in social engineering and it’s something that is
engineering and it’s something that is
engineering and it’s something that is wonderful very effective in
wonderful very effective in
wonderful very effective in interpersonal communications as you can
interpersonal communications as you can
interpersonal communications as you can see the steps rise through here you’ve
see the steps rise through here you’ve
see the steps rise through here you’ve got active listening empathy rapport
got active listening empathy rapport
got active listening empathy rapport influence and behavioral change is the
influence and behavioral change is the
influence and behavioral change is the final result we’re going to talk about
final result we’re going to talk about
final result we’re going to talk about all of these first off you need to
all of these first off you need to
all of these first off you need to discuss what active listening is all
discuss what active listening is all
discuss what active listening is all right this is a really really
right this is a really really
right this is a really really complicated definition you guys ready
complicated definition you guys ready
complicated definition you guys ready you ready it’s to listen actively
you ready it’s to listen actively
you ready it’s to listen actively you can look this is the Japanese word
you can look this is the Japanese word
you can look this is the Japanese word for active listening using your ear you
for active listening using your ear you
for active listening using your ear you your eyes your undivided attention to
your eyes your undivided attention to
your eyes your undivided attention to your heart now the point of active
your heart now the point of active
your heart now the point of active listening is that we are hearing what
listening is that we are hearing what
listening is that we are hearing what the person is saying but we’re not just
the person is saying but we’re not just
the person is saying but we’re not just understanding the words we’re letting it
understanding the words we’re letting it
understanding the words we’re letting it sink in psychologists and social
sink in psychologists and social
sink in psychologists and social engineer Michele Fenster said it is
engineer Michele Fenster said it is
engineer Michele Fenster said it is fully concentrating on the social
fully concentrating on the social
fully concentrating on the social interaction fully concentrating on what
interaction fully concentrating on what
interaction fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just the
is being said rather than just the
is being said rather than just the speaker or looking for a way to respond
speaker or looking for a way to respond
speaker or looking for a way to respond when the techniques that you use for
when the techniques that you use for
when the techniques that you use for active listening they’re not anything
active listening they’re not anything
active listening they’re not anything revolutionary you start out with
revolutionary you start out with
revolutionary you start out with listening to what is being said
listening to what is being said
listening to what is being said revolutionary concept right but not only
revolutionary concept right but not only
revolutionary concept right but not only that I acknowledge what is being said
that I acknowledge what is being said
that I acknowledge what is being said keep your mind focused keep yourself
keep your mind focused keep yourself
keep your mind focused keep yourself engaged yes I understand
engaged yes I understand
engaged yes I understand uh-huh things like that are simple
uh-huh things like that are simple
uh-huh things like that are simple conversation movers but it tells the
conversation movers but it tells the
conversation movers but it tells the other person I am being listened to
other person I am being listened to
other person I am being listened to I’m important don’t fidget with your
I’m important don’t fidget with your
I’m important don’t fidget with your phone don’t give them half your
phone don’t give them half your
phone don’t give them half your attention on top of that acknowledge the
attention on top of that acknowledge the
attention on top of that acknowledge the things that are being said repeat them
things that are being said repeat them
things that are being said repeat them back don’t be mocking you know that you
back don’t be mocking you know that you
back don’t be mocking you know that you can always tell when somebody’s kind of
can always tell when somebody’s kind of
can always tell when somebody’s kind of teasing you oh so this is what you’re
teasing you oh so this is what you’re
teasing you oh so this is what you’re actually saying right you always see the
actually saying right you always see the
actually saying right you always see the joke is they lean forward and so sorry
joke is they lean forward and so sorry
joke is they lean forward and so sorry whenever I’m teasing something it’s got
whenever I’m teasing something it’s got
whenever I’m teasing something it’s got to be a full body thing but not only
to be a full body thing but not only
to be a full body thing but not only this the pros over at social engineer
this the pros over at social engineer
this the pros over at social engineer also will give a few tips one is watch
also will give a few tips one is watch
also will give a few tips one is watch the body language pay attention to how
the body language pay attention to how
the body language pay attention to how they’re moving but don’t get lost in it
they’re moving but don’t get lost in it
they’re moving but don’t get lost in it right because there’s a disjoint and
right because there’s a disjoint and
right because there’s a disjoint and body language and we detect it even
body language and we detect it even
body language and we detect it even without training it’s instinctive but
without training it’s instinctive but
without training it’s instinctive but it’s very very easy to just go down that
it’s very very easy to just go down that
it’s very very easy to just go down that rabbit hole especially when you start to
rabbit hole especially when you start to
rabbit hole especially when you start to learn how to do
learn how to do
learn how to do number two don’t interrupt let them
number two don’t interrupt let them
number two don’t interrupt let them speak everybody has got their own story
speak everybody has got their own story
speak everybody has got their own story we are the heroes of our own story like
we are the heroes of our own story like
we are the heroes of our own story like we saw in the earlier TED talk give them
we saw in the earlier TED talk give them
we saw in the earlier TED talk give them the chance to tell you and then find a
the chance to tell you and then find a
the chance to tell you and then find a way to fit into that story number three
way to fit into that story number three
way to fit into that story number three keep your mind engaged
keep your mind engaged
keep your mind engaged don’t let it drift don’t kind of wander
don’t let it drift don’t kind of wander
don’t let it drift don’t kind of wander off my wife is here and she can tell
off my wife is here and she can tell
off my wife is here and she can tell many many stories about she’ll be
many many stories about she’ll be
many many stories about she’ll be telling me something and uh-huh yeah and
telling me something and uh-huh yeah and
telling me something and uh-huh yeah and then dive just shut off the brain is no
then dive just shut off the brain is no
then dive just shut off the brain is no longer clicking I’m thinking about hey
longer clicking I’m thinking about hey
longer clicking I’m thinking about hey what’s for dinner don’t do that that is
what’s for dinner don’t do that that is
what’s for dinner don’t do that that is not active listening and all of this
not active listening and all of this
not active listening and all of this moves to develop empathy
moves to develop empathy
moves to develop empathy now empathy is developed out of two
now empathy is developed out of two
now empathy is developed out of two words M pathos to feel within right so
words M pathos to feel within right so
words M pathos to feel within right so your goal with empathy and your goal
your goal with empathy and your goal
your goal with empathy and your goal with active listening is to feel in
with active listening is to feel in
with active listening is to feel in yourself what the other person is
yourself what the other person is
yourself what the other person is feeling you do that by beginning to
feeling you do that by beginning to
feeling you do that by beginning to imagine yourself in the same scenarios
imagine yourself in the same scenarios
imagine yourself in the same scenarios giving yourself the the space to hear
giving yourself the the space to hear
giving yourself the the space to hear what they’re hearing to experience what
what they’re hearing to experience what
what they’re hearing to experience what they have experienced we are seeing
they have experienced we are seeing
they have experienced we are seeing right now in the modern world a lot of
right now in the modern world a lot of
right now in the modern world a lot of discussion about how there’s people who
discussion about how there’s people who
discussion about how there’s people who are middle class white they are not
are middle class white they are not
are middle class white they are not going to be able to understand the
going to be able to understand the
going to be able to understand the experience of someone of another culture
experience of someone of another culture
experience of someone of another culture or heritage that’s the goal of empathy I
or heritage that’s the goal of empathy I
or heritage that’s the goal of empathy I may not be able to understand what one
may not be able to understand what one
may not be able to understand what one of the girls in India is experiencing
of the girls in India is experiencing
of the girls in India is experiencing but I can try my best to understand and
but I can try my best to understand and
but I can try my best to understand and to empathize and to feel within myself
to empathize and to feel within myself
to empathize and to feel within myself what they must be feeling and it will
what they must be feeling and it will
what they must be feeling and it will help me to communicate more effectively
help me to communicate more effectively
help me to communicate more effectively to them so we’ve talked about listening
to them so we’ve talked about listening
to them so we’ve talked about listening now here’s the part where you start to
now here’s the part where you start to
now here’s the part where you start to become active rapport building I think
become active rapport building I think
become active rapport building I think that’s a beautiful picture personally
that’s a beautiful picture personally
that’s a beautiful picture personally rapport building is a series of events
rapport building is a series of events
rapport building is a series of events that you’re using to build
that you’re using to build
that you’re using to build no equity with another person to get the
no equity with another person to get the
no equity with another person to get the privilege of speaking into their life
privilege of speaking into their life
privilege of speaking into their life now I work with at-risk kids a lot in my
now I work with at-risk kids a lot in my
now I work with at-risk kids a lot in my spare time so breaking into a building
spare time so breaking into a building
spare time so breaking into a building your goal with report is immediate you
your goal with report is immediate you
your goal with report is immediate you want it fast you need to be able to get
want it fast you need to be able to get
want it fast you need to be able to get this person to trust you just enough to
this person to trust you just enough to
this person to trust you just enough to let you walk into that building with no
let you walk into that building with no
let you walk into that building with no questions asked
questions asked
questions asked cool however rapport with kids it’s a
cool however rapport with kids it’s a
cool however rapport with kids it’s a little bit unique but the principles are
little bit unique but the principles are
little bit unique but the principles are the same let me read you a quote real
the same let me read you a quote real
the same let me read you a quote real quick this quote comes from Robin Drake
quick this quote comes from Robin Drake
quick this quote comes from Robin Drake before I use these techniques or send
before I use these techniques or send
before I use these techniques or send out any class to practice these
out any class to practice these
out any class to practice these techniques I remind myself and them of
techniques I remind myself and them of
techniques I remind myself and them of one everlasting rule that will
one everlasting rule that will
one everlasting rule that will dramatically increase your probability
dramatically increase your probability
dramatically increase your probability of success it is all about them the only
of success it is all about them the only
of success it is all about them the only goal I have either for myself or the
goal I have either for myself or the
goal I have either for myself or the individuals I teach is that in every
individuals I teach is that in every
individuals I teach is that in every interaction the other person should walk
interaction the other person should walk
interaction the other person should walk away feeling much better for having met
away feeling much better for having met
away feeling much better for having met you you should brighten their day and
you you should brighten their day and
you you should brighten their day and listen to them when no one else would
listen to them when no one else would
listen to them when no one else would build that connection where others
build that connection where others
build that connection where others wouldn’t and you will have mastered both
wouldn’t and you will have mastered both
wouldn’t and you will have mastered both conversation and rapport keep that in
conversation and rapport keep that in
conversation and rapport keep that in back your mind because that’s going to
back your mind because that’s going to
back your mind because that’s going to come back to us so there are 10 basic
come back to us so there are 10 basic
come back to us so there are 10 basic techniques of rapport and Drake was
techniques of rapport and Drake was
techniques of rapport and Drake was actually asked hey house how do you
actually asked hey house how do you
actually asked hey house how do you develop rapport and apparently he wrote
develop rapport and apparently he wrote
develop rapport and apparently he wrote these 10 out on a napkin during lunch
these 10 out on a napkin during lunch
these 10 out on a napkin during lunch one day so number one establish an
one day so number one establish an
one day so number one establish an artificial time constraint establish any
artificial time constraint establish any
artificial time constraint establish any kind of time constraint even if you’re
kind of time constraint even if you’re
kind of time constraint even if you’re just saying oh this will only take just
just saying oh this will only take just
just saying oh this will only take just a moment of your time it establishes to
a moment of your time it establishes to
a moment of your time it establishes to that person hey you respect my time
that person hey you respect my time
that person hey you respect my time you’re not going to waste it so I only
you’re not going to waste it so I only
you’re not going to waste it so I only have to listen to you for this period
have to listen to you for this period
have to listen to you for this period it’s a pretty effective manner the
it’s a pretty effective manner the
it’s a pretty effective manner the number two body language here we come
number two body language here we come
number two body language here we come back to body language hmm
back to body language hmm
back to body language hmm it’s almost like body language is an
it’s almost like body language is an
it’s almost like body language is an important part of the way that human
important part of the way that human
important part of the way that human beings communicate shocking right
beings communicate shocking right
beings communicate shocking right so watch their body language but also
so watch their body language but also
so watch their body language but also watch yours make sure that your body
watch yours make sure that your body
watch yours make sure that your body language is lining up with what you’re
language is lining up with what you’re
language is lining up with what you’re saying
saying
saying you know keep those internet memes in
you know keep those internet memes in
you know keep those internet memes in the back of your mind don’t let them
the back of your mind don’t let them
the back of your mind don’t let them kind of creep forward you know
kind of creep forward you know
kind of creep forward you know somebody’s telling you home and my dog
somebody’s telling you home and my dog
somebody’s telling you home and my dog just passed away and I’m really really
just passed away and I’m really really
just passed away and I’m really really struggling with it be like okay dog
struggling with it be like okay dog
struggling with it be like okay dog passed away serious body language sullen
passed away serious body language sullen
passed away serious body language sullen calm don’t be like yeah it’s kind of
calm don’t be like yeah it’s kind of
calm don’t be like yeah it’s kind of like the dog that has I have no idea
like the dog that has I have no idea
like the dog that has I have no idea what I’m doing me haha yeah if you’re
what I’m doing me haha yeah if you’re
what I’m doing me haha yeah if you’re smiling when somebody’s saying that is
smiling when somebody’s saying that is
smiling when somebody’s saying that is not going to build rapport very
not going to build rapport very
not going to build rapport very effectively number two or number three
effectively number two or number three
effectively number two or number three excuse me speak slowly unlike what I’m
excuse me speak slowly unlike what I’m
excuse me speak slowly unlike what I’m doing when you speak slowly the human
doing when you speak slowly the human
doing when you speak slowly the human mind has the ability to process what is
mind has the ability to process what is
mind has the ability to process what is being said we’re not responding on
being said we’re not responding on
being said we’re not responding on something called amygdala hijacking you
something called amygdala hijacking you
something called amygdala hijacking you can dig into Chris had naggy speeches on
can dig into Chris had naggy speeches on
can dig into Chris had naggy speeches on amygdala hijacking wonderful stuff but
amygdala hijacking wonderful stuff but
amygdala hijacking wonderful stuff but if you speak slowly we tend to trust
if you speak slowly we tend to trust
if you speak slowly we tend to trust people more if you slow down to a
people more if you slow down to a
people more if you slow down to a manageable level all of a sudden you’re
manageable level all of a sudden you’re
manageable level all of a sudden you’re able to process what I am saying as I
able to process what I am saying as I
able to process what I am saying as I say it however the opposite of that is
say it however the opposite of that is
say it however the opposite of that is the old colloquialism boy that salesman
the old colloquialism boy that salesman
the old colloquialism boy that salesman was a fast talker you ever been to a car
was a fast talker you ever been to a car
was a fast talker you ever been to a car lot anybody yeah we were there a couple
lot anybody yeah we were there a couple
lot anybody yeah we were there a couple weeks ago and it was just a nightmare
weeks ago and it was just a nightmare
weeks ago and it was just a nightmare the guy spoke so quickly you’re like
the guy spoke so quickly you’re like
the guy spoke so quickly you’re like what am i buying a car or is this an
what am i buying a car or is this an
what am i buying a car or is this an auction don’t be afraid to ask for help
auction don’t be afraid to ask for help
auction don’t be afraid to ask for help right sympathy themes as a part of human
right sympathy themes as a part of human
right sympathy themes as a part of human nature are very effective we by our
nature are very effective we by our
nature are very effective we by our nature are extremely social animals we
nature are extremely social animals we
nature are extremely social animals we want to help we want to reach out to
want to help we want to reach out to
want to help we want to reach out to another person and we want to be able to
another person and we want to be able to
another person and we want to be able to be the hero you know how many of you in
be the hero you know how many of you in
be the hero you know how many of you in here have been children you know as a
here have been children you know as a
here have been children you know as a kid didn’t tie a towel around your neck
kid didn’t tie a towel around your neck
kid didn’t tie a towel around your neck and then another how many of you jumped
and then another how many of you jumped
and then another how many of you jumped off of the roof of your house thinking
off of the roof of your house thinking
off of the roof of your house thinking that you were Superman and could fly
so sometimes heroism doesn’t quite work
so sometimes heroism doesn’t quite work but don’t be afraid to ask for help and
but don’t be afraid to ask for help and
but don’t be afraid to ask for help and in order to ask for help comes the next
in order to ask for help comes the next
in order to ask for help comes the next technique ego suspension here we come
technique ego suspension here we come
technique ego suspension here we come circling back it’s not about you
circling back it’s not about you
circling back it’s not about you effective communication stops being
effective communication stops being
effective communication stops being about you it becomes about the other
about you it becomes about the other
about you it becomes about the other person it becomes us I’m no longer
person it becomes us I’m no longer
person it becomes us I’m no longer trying to be the main character of the
trying to be the main character of the
trying to be the main character of the story I’m trying to be a part of your
story I’m trying to be a part of your
story I’m trying to be a part of your story not one in my experience has been
story not one in my experience has been
story not one in my experience has been far and away the most effective allow
far and away the most effective allow
far and away the most effective allow yourself to be taught you don’t get the
yourself to be taught you don’t get the
yourself to be taught you don’t get the last word ask open-ended questions which
last word ask open-ended questions which
last word ask open-ended questions which is another technique who what when where
is another technique who what when where
is another technique who what when where why how mean not all of those are going
why how mean not all of those are going
why how mean not all of those are going to apply in a single situation some of
to apply in a single situation some of
to apply in a single situation some of them are going to be kind of sporadic
them are going to be kind of sporadic
them are going to be kind of sporadic but the thing is when you are open-ended
but the thing is when you are open-ended
but the thing is when you are open-ended in your questioning the people are going
in your questioning the people are going
in your questioning the people are going to be more responsive in giving answers
to be more responsive in giving answers
to be more responsive in giving answers they’re more willing to open up because
they’re more willing to open up because
they’re more willing to open up because hey guess what my favorite topic to talk
hey guess what my favorite topic to talk
hey guess what my favorite topic to talk about is me and I’d go to bed that it’s
about is me and I’d go to bed that it’s
about is me and I’d go to bed that it’s probably your favorite topic to talk
probably your favorite topic to talk
probably your favorite topic to talk about to validate their feelings doesn’t
about to validate their feelings doesn’t
about to validate their feelings doesn’t matter if it’s the most off-the-wall
matter if it’s the most off-the-wall
matter if it’s the most off-the-wall insane thing this person could be
insane thing this person could be
insane thing this person could be wearing a tinfoil fedora validate what
wearing a tinfoil fedora validate what
wearing a tinfoil fedora validate what they’re feeling you know I understand
they’re feeling you know I understand
they’re feeling you know I understand how you would feel that way it goes back
how you would feel that way it goes back
how you would feel that way it goes back to empathy if we validate what they’re
to empathy if we validate what they’re
to empathy if we validate what they’re feeling they’re going to be more willing
feeling they’re going to be more willing
feeling they’re going to be more willing to tell us what they’re feeling quid pro
to tell us what they’re feeling quid pro
to tell us what they’re feeling quid pro quo
quo
quo something for something again this goes
something for something again this goes
something for something again this goes back to partially my experience with
back to partially my experience with
back to partially my experience with kids partially my experience as social
kids partially my experience as social
kids partially my experience as social engineer you know I we would do
engineer you know I we would do
engineer you know I we would do something called fishing which is
something called fishing which is
something called fishing which is calling a company posing as an attacker
calling a company posing as an attacker
calling a company posing as an attacker and hi my name is Jim Johnson
and hi my name is Jim Johnson
and hi my name is Jim Johnson immediately I’ve given them something of
immediately I’ve given them something of
immediately I’ve given them something of mine you now have not only my first name
mine you now have not only my first name
mine you now have not only my first name but my last name so if I ask you to
but my last name so if I ask you to
but my last name so if I ask you to verify your identity you’re going to be
verify your identity you’re going to be
verify your identity you’re going to be more so
more so
more so chillie inclined to say oh yes that’s my
chillie inclined to say oh yes that’s my
chillie inclined to say oh yes that’s my name or if I greet you hi my name is
name or if I greet you hi my name is
name or if I greet you hi my name is Brian Brian Austin you’re going to be
Brian Brian Austin you’re going to be
Brian Brian Austin you’re going to be more inclined to give me your first and
more inclined to give me your first and
more inclined to give me your first and last name fascinating principle with
last name fascinating principle with
last name fascinating principle with kids if you give them respect this isn’t
kids if you give them respect this isn’t
kids if you give them respect this isn’t a hundred percent but my experience
a hundred percent but my experience
a hundred percent but my experience again if you give a person respect they
again if you give a person respect they
again if you give a person respect they are more inclined to give it back on top
are more inclined to give it back on top
are more inclined to give it back on top of that give a gift you know if you walk
of that give a gift you know if you walk
of that give a gift you know if you walk up to somebody even if it’s something
up to somebody even if it’s something
up to somebody even if it’s something that you plan to take back you know like
that you plan to take back you know like
that you plan to take back you know like a clipboard a pen you know here hi my
a clipboard a pen you know here hi my
a clipboard a pen you know here hi my name is Brian awesome you know could you
name is Brian awesome you know could you
name is Brian awesome you know could you hold this for me yeah automatically we
hold this for me yeah automatically we
hold this for me yeah automatically we start to want to talk more there was
start to want to talk more there was
start to want to talk more there was some research done by a guy named Robert
some research done by a guy named Robert
some research done by a guy named Robert Cialdini
Cialdini
Cialdini and we’ll talk about him in a second but
and we’ll talk about him in a second but
and we’ll talk about him in a second but when he gave people something to hold
when he gave people something to hold
when he gave people something to hold like a clipboard to sign they were more
like a clipboard to sign they were more
like a clipboard to sign they were more inclined to actually work with him and
inclined to actually work with him and
inclined to actually work with him and to give him more information gifts come
to give him more information gifts come
to give him more information gifts come in all shapes and sizes be aware of that
in all shapes and sizes be aware of that
in all shapes and sizes be aware of that and the last one is manage your own
and the last one is manage your own
and the last one is manage your own expectations how many of you have gone
expectations how many of you have gone
expectations how many of you have gone into something with the anticipation hey
into something with the anticipation hey
into something with the anticipation hey this is going to be awesome or just kill
this is going to be awesome or just kill
this is going to be awesome or just kill it here we’re gonna get this
it here we’re gonna get this
it here we’re gonna get this presentation and it’s going to rock and
presentation and it’s going to rock and
presentation and it’s going to rock and then you get up there and edges are
automatically your whole body language
automatically your whole body language changes you go from bouncy to start to
changes you go from bouncy to start to
changes you go from bouncy to start to close and shut down manage your
close and shut down manage your
close and shut down manage your expectations because your disappointment
expectations because your disappointment
expectations because your disappointment will show on you like a brightly lit
will show on you like a brightly lit
will show on you like a brightly lit sign in the middle of the night but all
sign in the middle of the night but all
sign in the middle of the night but all this moves into influence alright I’ve
this moves into influence alright I’ve
this moves into influence alright I’ve got another quote for you hold on dr.
got another quote for you hold on dr.
got another quote for you hold on dr. Robert Cialdini said my sense of the
Robert Cialdini said my sense of the
Robert Cialdini said my sense of the proper way to determine what is ethical
proper way to determine what is ethical
proper way to determine what is ethical is to make a distinction between a
is to make a distinction between a
is to make a distinction between a smuggler of influence and a detective of
smuggler of influence and a detective of
smuggler of influence and a detective of influence the smuggler knows these six
influence the smuggler knows these six
influence the smuggler knows these six principles and then counterfeits them
principles and then counterfeits them
principles and then counterfeits them bringing them into situations where they
bringing them into situations where they
bringing them into situations where they don’t naturally reside the opposite is
don’t naturally reside the opposite is
don’t naturally reside the opposite is the sluice approach the detectives
the sluice approach the detectives
the sluice approach the detectives approach to influence
approach to influence
approach to influence the detective also knows what the
the detective also knows what the
the detective also knows what the principles are and goes into every
principles are and goes into every
principles are and goes into every situation aware of them looking for the
situation aware of them looking for the
situation aware of them looking for the natural presence of one or another of
natural presence of one or another of
natural presence of one or another of these principles fascinating stuff so
these principles fascinating stuff so
these principles fascinating stuff so influence is actually the act of leading
influence is actually the act of leading
influence is actually the act of leading someone to want to make a change you use
someone to want to make a change you use
someone to want to make a change you use influence you know let’s stop here for a
influence you know let’s stop here for a
influence you know let’s stop here for a second and let’s talk about what he’s
second and let’s talk about what he’s
second and let’s talk about what he’s discussing there is a difference between
discussing there is a difference between
discussing there is a difference between influence and manipulation right and we
influence and manipulation right and we
influence and manipulation right and we can all just kind of relate to
can all just kind of relate to
can all just kind of relate to manipulation we’ve all dealt with toxic
manipulation we’ve all dealt with toxic
manipulation we’ve all dealt with toxic people in our lives we’ve dealt with
people in our lives we’ve dealt with
people in our lives we’ve dealt with manipulative salespeople whatever and
manipulative salespeople whatever and
manipulative salespeople whatever and the manipulative deliberate manipulation
the manipulative deliberate manipulation
the manipulative deliberate manipulation techniques are coercion threats
techniques are coercion threats
techniques are coercion threats blackmail and sometimes manufacturing of
blackmail and sometimes manufacturing of
blackmail and sometimes manufacturing of influence the goal of a manipulator is
influence the goal of a manipulator is
influence the goal of a manipulator is to obtain your compliance to their
to obtain your compliance to their
to obtain your compliance to their desires it’s not necessarily better you
desires it’s not necessarily better you
desires it’s not necessarily better you it’s to better myself so let’s draw that
it’s to better myself so let’s draw that
it’s to better myself so let’s draw that line really early number one rule number
line really early number one rule number
line really early number one rule number one point to be made in influence
one point to be made in influence
one point to be made in influence reciprocity remember when we were
reciprocity remember when we were
reciprocity remember when we were talking about rapport quid pro quo
talking about rapport quid pro quo
talking about rapport quid pro quo something for something if I give you
something for something if I give you
something for something if I give you something you’re inclined to give me
something you’re inclined to give me
something you’re inclined to give me something we go back to the name
something we go back to the name
something we go back to the name instance if I give you my name you’re
instance if I give you my name you’re
instance if I give you my name you’re going to be more inclined to give me
going to be more inclined to give me
going to be more inclined to give me yours I can influence you to do
yours I can influence you to do
yours I can influence you to do something along the lines of what I am
something along the lines of what I am
something along the lines of what I am hoping to achieve in you by giving you
hoping to achieve in you by giving you
hoping to achieve in you by giving you something in return
something in return
something in return the next point consistency remain
the next point consistency remain
the next point consistency remain consistent don’t flake out don’t follow
consistent don’t flake out don’t follow
consistent don’t flake out don’t follow through have follow-through right how
through have follow-through right how
through have follow-through right how many people know somebody that you know
many people know somebody that you know
many people know somebody that you know oh yeah I’ll totally be there I am down
oh yeah I’ll totally be there I am down
oh yeah I’ll totally be there I am down and nothing it’s hard to trust that
and nothing it’s hard to trust that
and nothing it’s hard to trust that person and not only that it’s hard to
person and not only that it’s hard to
person and not only that it’s hard to let that person speak into your life
let that person speak into your life
let that person speak into your life with any degree of authority and next up
with any degree of authority and next up
with any degree of authority and next up we’re going to talk about social proof
we’re going to talk about social proof
we’re going to talk about social proof I mean we all know the social proof I
I mean we all know the social proof I
I mean we all know the social proof I have a six-year-old and I caught myself
have a six-year-old and I caught myself
have a six-year-old and I caught myself becoming my parents last week my son was
becoming my parents last week my son was
becoming my parents last week my son was like but all the other boys are doing it
like but all the other boys are doing it
like but all the other boys are doing it in the neighborhood and I was like yeah
in the neighborhood and I was like yeah
in the neighborhood and I was like yeah and if all the other boys in the
and if all the other boys in the
and if all the other boys in the neighborhood were jumping off of the
neighborhood were jumping off of the
neighborhood were jumping off of the roof would you do it uh so I’d never do
roof would you do it uh so I’d never do
roof would you do it uh so I’d never do that but what can I say
that but what can I say
that but what can I say next point is liking all right I want
next point is liking all right I want
next point is liking all right I want everybody to raise their right hand
right so a lot of you guys have been
right so a lot of you guys have been chuckling at my jokes as bad as they are
chuckling at my jokes as bad as they are
chuckling at my jokes as bad as they are and when I asked you to do something
and when I asked you to do something
and when I asked you to do something nobody hesitated you can put them back
nobody hesitated you can put them back
nobody hesitated you can put them back you’re good I wanted to demonstrate a
you’re good I wanted to demonstrate a
you’re good I wanted to demonstrate a point you you kind of relate to me you
point you you kind of relate to me you
point you you kind of relate to me you kind of like what I’m having to say I
kind of like what I’m having to say I
kind of like what I’m having to say I made you chuckle so you’re like hey you
made you chuckle so you’re like hey you
made you chuckle so you’re like hey you know why not let’s see what he’s doing
know why not let’s see what he’s doing
know why not let’s see what he’s doing if you like me you’re more likely to
if you like me you’re more likely to
if you like me you’re more likely to listen to me be likeable and to be
listen to me be likeable and to be
listen to me be likeable and to be likeable is to be like someone there was
likeable is to be like someone there was
likeable is to be like someone there was a study done on relationships and it
a study done on relationships and it
a study done on relationships and it said that most relationships flourish oh
said that most relationships flourish oh
said that most relationships flourish oh I am on the wrong side sorry I couldn’t
I am on the wrong side sorry I couldn’t
I am on the wrong side sorry I couldn’t think of a better image for influence
think of a better image for influence
think of a better image for influence than this but likeability is based on
than this but likeability is based on
than this but likeability is based on proximity and similarity right so the
proximity and similarity right so the
proximity and similarity right so the closer you are and the more similar you
closer you are and the more similar you
closer you are and the more similar you are the more you are going to like one
are the more you are going to like one
are the more you are going to like one another again it comes back to our
another again it comes back to our
another again it comes back to our favorite topic to talk about is
favorite topic to talk about is
favorite topic to talk about is ourselves if somebody is very similar to
ourselves if somebody is very similar to
ourselves if somebody is very similar to us they must be a pretty decent person
us they must be a pretty decent person
us they must be a pretty decent person because I know I am yeah now we move
because I know I am yeah now we move
because I know I am yeah now we move into authority now this one’s really
into authority now this one’s really
into authority now this one’s really really tricky because a lot of people
really tricky because a lot of people
really tricky because a lot of people miss read this now Authority is not
miss read this now Authority is not
miss read this now Authority is not being in authority it is being an
being in authority it is being an
being in authority it is being an authority now the trick is I am given to
authority now the trick is I am given to
authority now the trick is I am given to you as an authority so I am now looking
you as an authority so I am now looking
you as an authority so I am now looking at you with a degree of understanding
at you with a degree of understanding
at you with a degree of understanding and knowledge in this in this particular
and knowledge in this in this particular
and knowledge in this in this particular area so the change that you’re hoping to
area so the change that you’re hoping to
area so the change that you’re hoping to experience is going to happen based on
experience is going to happen based on
experience is going to happen based on Matt
Matt
Matt it all leads to a behavioral change the
it all leads to a behavioral change the
it all leads to a behavioral change the final result is the point we have to
final result is the point we have to
final result is the point we have to make sure that we know what our goal is
make sure that we know what our goal is
make sure that we know what our goal is the goal is changing people in my world
the goal is changing people in my world
the goal is changing people in my world it’s to gut insecurities and hurts in
it’s to gut insecurities and hurts in
it’s to gut insecurities and hurts in people it’s to take the life of a kid
people it’s to take the life of a kid
people it’s to take the life of a kid who has been told by the whole world
who has been told by the whole world
who has been told by the whole world you’re never going to accomplish
you’re never going to accomplish
you’re never going to accomplish anything and say hey you know what you
anything and say hey you know what you
anything and say hey you know what you can do anything you want if you work
can do anything you want if you work
can do anything you want if you work hard at it I’m going to walk with you
hard at it I’m going to walk with you
hard at it I’m going to walk with you and I’m going to help you behavioral
and I’m going to help you behavioral
and I’m going to help you behavioral change is like a butterfly coming out of
change is like a butterfly coming out of
change is like a butterfly coming out of a chrysalis person has to want to change
a chrysalis person has to want to change
a chrysalis person has to want to change but you can help influence that come
but you can help influence that come
but you can help influence that come back to this quote the only goal that I
back to this quote the only goal that I
back to this quote the only goal that I have for either myself or the
have for either myself or the
have for either myself or the individuals I teach is that in every
individuals I teach is that in every
individuals I teach is that in every interaction the other person should walk
interaction the other person should walk
interaction the other person should walk away feeling much better for having met
away feeling much better for having met
away feeling much better for having met you I would take that a step further and
you I would take that a step further and
you I would take that a step further and say your goal should be that the other
say your goal should be that the other
say your goal should be that the other person becomes better for having met you
person becomes better for having met you
person becomes better for having met you now go out find someone find yourself
now go out find someone find yourself
now go out find someone find yourself and be the change you want to be see in
and be the change you want to be see in
and be the change you want to be see in the world
the world
the world [Applause]
”
Be First to Comment