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Skinning Knees for Silver Linings and Nine Reasons to love Myself | Orooj – e – Zafar | TEDxPIEAS


[Music]

[Music] [Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] skinning these four silver linings so

skinning these four silver linings so

skinning these four silver linings so many times my six-year-old knees bled

many times my six-year-old knees bled

many times my six-year-old knees bled against the best of themselves scarring

against the best of themselves scarring

against the best of themselves scarring hoping I wouldn’t peel my curiosity off

hoping I wouldn’t peel my curiosity off

hoping I wouldn’t peel my curiosity off begging me to let them heal before I

begging me to let them heal before I

begging me to let them heal before I remember at the time I’m sure all I

remember at the time I’m sure all I

remember at the time I’m sure all I wanted to see was what made me so pink

wanted to see was what made me so pink

wanted to see was what made me so pink underneath all that brown what part of

underneath all that brown what part of

underneath all that brown what part of me blushed under an unsteady canopy of

me blushed under an unsteady canopy of

me blushed under an unsteady canopy of dried blood if it was growing so well

dried blood if it was growing so well

dried blood if it was growing so well why did it need to hide now I imagine

why did it need to hide now I imagine

why did it need to hide now I imagine our bodies are at constant war the mind

our bodies are at constant war the mind

our bodies are at constant war the mind knows well before the rest of me how

knows well before the rest of me how

knows well before the rest of me how much it can swallow before purging is

much it can swallow before purging is

much it can swallow before purging is it’s only instinct how much quiet can

it’s only instinct how much quiet can

it’s only instinct how much quiet can blanket over the rattling ghost tracks

blanket over the rattling ghost tracks

blanket over the rattling ghost tracks across a myriad of brain damage how long

across a myriad of brain damage how long

across a myriad of brain damage how long it must hide ashamed of its healing

it must hide ashamed of its healing

it must hide ashamed of its healing until it can open its shutters and feel

until it can open its shutters and feel

until it can open its shutters and feel human again when the scabs fell the

human again when the scabs fell the

human again when the scabs fell the sting soon became the milky

sting soon became the milky

sting soon became the milky forgetfulness of childhood amnesia

forgetfulness of childhood amnesia

forgetfulness of childhood amnesia repair follows itself like we imagined

repair follows itself like we imagined

repair follows itself like we imagined misguided satellites chasing after stars

misguided satellites chasing after stars

misguided satellites chasing after stars trauma imprints itself in our bodies in

trauma imprints itself in our bodies in

trauma imprints itself in our bodies in any way the memory will stick it cannot

any way the memory will stick it cannot

any way the memory will stick it cannot be forgotten for years we have grown

be forgotten for years we have grown

be forgotten for years we have grown like fingers from a loosening fist

like fingers from a loosening fist

like fingers from a loosening fist remember remember remember pain is

remember remember remember pain is

remember remember remember pain is memory why else would we call it growing

memory why else would we call it growing

memory why else would we call it growing pains

my name is Rouge’s affair and I am a

my name is Rouge’s affair and I am a spoken word poet based in Islamabad

spoken word poet based in Islamabad

spoken word poet based in Islamabad head stern and eyebrows raised every

head stern and eyebrows raised every

head stern and eyebrows raised every time people hear that phrase spoken word

time people hear that phrase spoken word

time people hear that phrase spoken word poet but very simply spoken word poetry

poet but very simply spoken word poetry

poet but very simply spoken word poetry is poetry that simply cannot keep its

is poetry that simply cannot keep its

is poetry that simply cannot keep its hands to itself on a page stories that

hands to itself on a page stories that

hands to itself on a page stories that require performance a conduit for their

require performance a conduit for their

require performance a conduit for their full effect to reach people so they take

full effect to reach people so they take

full effect to reach people so they take form in a human body it’s poetry given a

form in a human body it’s poetry given a

form in a human body it’s poetry given a literal voice a tidbit of history for

literal voice a tidbit of history for

literal voice a tidbit of history for you all spoken word poetry has been

you all spoken word poetry has been

you all spoken word poetry has been around in this part of the world for

around in this part of the world for

around in this part of the world for centuries

centuries

centuries it’s just existed outside of English for

it’s just existed outside of English for

it’s just existed outside of English for the most part I still remember the first

the most part I still remember the first

the most part I still remember the first time I saw people reacting to Munir

time I saw people reacting to Munir

time I saw people reacting to Munir Niazi viscerally performing his home I

Niazi viscerally performing his home I

Niazi viscerally performing his home I Misha day occurs day down so this new

Misha day occurs day down so this new

Misha day occurs day down so this new wave of storytelling in English was

wave of storytelling in English was

wave of storytelling in English was built on an alongside an existing

built on an alongside an existing

built on an alongside an existing cultivated culture by our most renowned

cultivated culture by our most renowned

cultivated culture by our most renowned local poets I’m also a third-year

local poets I’m also a third-year

local poets I’m also a third-year medical student with an undying devotion

medical student with an undying devotion

medical student with an undying devotion to mental health so a lot of the time I

to mental health so a lot of the time I

to mental health so a lot of the time I find myself ricocheting between a cold

find myself ricocheting between a cold

find myself ricocheting between a cold hard science and a more mellow colorful

hard science and a more mellow colorful

hard science and a more mellow colorful world of art and poetry over the years

world of art and poetry over the years

world of art and poetry over the years I’ve turned this violent oscillation

I’ve turned this violent oscillation

I’ve turned this violent oscillation between the two perceived extremes into

between the two perceived extremes into

between the two perceived extremes into my biggest strength

my biggest strength

my biggest strength I now juxtapose biological processes of

I now juxtapose biological processes of

I now juxtapose biological processes of growth and healing over acts of physical

growth and healing over acts of physical

growth and healing over acts of physical and psychological self-care and some of

and psychological self-care and some of

and psychological self-care and some of my work my work I believe is about

my work my work I believe is about

my work my work I believe is about reclaiming my stories as honestly and

reclaiming my stories as honestly and

reclaiming my stories as honestly and sincerely as possible contrary to

sincerely as possible contrary to

sincerely as possible contrary to popular belief this sharing this process

popular belief this sharing this process

popular belief this sharing this process of forgiveness and acceptance towards

of forgiveness and acceptance towards

of forgiveness and acceptance towards myself is a deeply personal act but when

myself is a deeply personal act but when

myself is a deeply personal act but when it’s done on a platform like this it

it’s done on a platform like this it

it’s done on a platform like this it moves people so deeply we now consider

moves people so deeply we now consider

moves people so deeply we now consider it a political one that’s a lot of

it a political one that’s a lot of

it a political one that’s a lot of pressure for a quiet revolution like

pressure for a quiet revolution like

pressure for a quiet revolution like that and it also makes us wonder about

that and it also makes us wonder about

that and it also makes us wonder about the fragility of our existing power

the fragility of our existing power

the fragility of our existing power structures empowering as that is it’s

structures empowering as that is it’s

structures empowering as that is it’s also humbling we live in a day and

also humbling we live in a day and

also humbling we live in a day and we’re social media platforms have

we’re social media platforms have

we’re social media platforms have allowed us to witness very brave

allowed us to witness very brave

allowed us to witness very brave declarations of people’s hardships how

declarations of people’s hardships how

declarations of people’s hardships how they overcame them and how they often

they overcame them and how they often

they overcame them and how they often don’t we are slowly beginning to

don’t we are slowly beginning to

don’t we are slowly beginning to challenge something I like to call the

challenge something I like to call the

challenge something I like to call the human condition binary which was a

human condition binary which was a

human condition binary which was a misguided attempt at making categorizing

misguided attempt at making categorizing

misguided attempt at making categorizing human behavior simpler now we’re

human behavior simpler now we’re

human behavior simpler now we’re beginning to accept the messy irrational

beginning to accept the messy irrational

beginning to accept the messy irrational complicated spectrum of human emotion

complicated spectrum of human emotion

complicated spectrum of human emotion now we don’t consider each other good or

now we don’t consider each other good or

now we don’t consider each other good or bad normal or otherwise we’ve reclaimed

bad normal or otherwise we’ve reclaimed

bad normal or otherwise we’ve reclaimed our gray areas and dare to accept them

our gray areas and dare to accept them

our gray areas and dare to accept them loudly my work explores that in hopes of

loudly my work explores that in hopes of

loudly my work explores that in hopes of accepting myself and maybe someday

accepting myself and maybe someday

accepting myself and maybe someday extending that comfort to other people

extending that comfort to other people

extending that comfort to other people as we now challenge what normal means to

as we now challenge what normal means to

as we now challenge what normal means to us it’s important to look around us and

us it’s important to look around us and

us it’s important to look around us and see human beings for what they are not

see human beings for what they are not

see human beings for what they are not complicated projects to fix or a damsel

complicated projects to fix or a damsel

complicated projects to fix or a damsel in distress to say but rather entire

in distress to say but rather entire

in distress to say but rather entire world’s wrapped in human skin worthy of

world’s wrapped in human skin worthy of

world’s wrapped in human skin worthy of love and care I would like to thank Ted

love and care I would like to thank Ted

love and care I would like to thank Ted and the host team for being as kind as

and the host team for being as kind as

and the host team for being as kind as they have in giving me this humbling

they have in giving me this humbling

they have in giving me this humbling opportunity to perform for you I would

opportunity to perform for you I would

opportunity to perform for you I would now like to share the poem that place

now like to share the poem that place

now like to share the poem that place second in the Pakistan Poetry Slam 2016

second in the Pakistan Poetry Slam 2016

second in the Pakistan Poetry Slam 2016 which was an act of defiance in itself

which was an act of defiance in itself

which was an act of defiance in itself this is nine reminders to love myself

this is nine reminders to love myself

this is nine reminders to love myself one when I talked to myself in

one when I talked to myself in

one when I talked to myself in kindergarten my teacher caught me

kindergarten my teacher caught me

kindergarten my teacher caught me nestled between crayons and towers of

nestled between crayons and towers of

nestled between crayons and towers of neatly stacked voodoo drawings darting

neatly stacked voodoo drawings darting

neatly stacked voodoo drawings darting to find the perfect color amusing

to find the perfect color amusing

to find the perfect color amusing mommies feed their babies through the

mommies feed their babies through the

mommies feed their babies through the bellybutton that’s why I have one but

bellybutton that’s why I have one but

bellybutton that’s why I have one but they cry I cried because I came out of

they cry I cried because I came out of

they cry I cried because I came out of my mommy’s mouth

my mommy’s mouth

my mommy’s mouth my mother was called to school that day

my mother was called to school that day

my mother was called to school that day the teacher explained that I had been

the teacher explained that I had been

the teacher explained that I had been stammering a lie and I needed fixing so

stammering a lie and I needed fixing so

stammering a lie and I needed fixing so my mother halted my stammer in its

my mother halted my stammer in its

my mother halted my stammer in its tracks and didn’t hold back when she

tracks and didn’t hold back when she

tracks and didn’t hold back when she remarked with a head that base

remarked with a head that base

remarked with a head that base you never would have left my body betta

you never would have left my body betta

you never would have left my body betta do the gold of the Sun is painful to me

do the gold of the Sun is painful to me

do the gold of the Sun is painful to me back home the Marla exhausted monsoon

back home the Marla exhausted monsoon

back home the Marla exhausted monsoon makes blue skies more and gray I don’t

makes blue skies more and gray I don’t

makes blue skies more and gray I don’t trust the color wheel anymore there are

trust the color wheel anymore there are

trust the color wheel anymore there are more comic herbs in my rain dampened

more comic herbs in my rain dampened

more comic herbs in my rain dampened hair than this body can ever dream of

hair than this body can ever dream of

hair than this body can ever dream of showing three I once heard of a mother

showing three I once heard of a mother

showing three I once heard of a mother dying of a big heart I am sure our fate

dying of a big heart I am sure our fate

dying of a big heart I am sure our fate was written together for I am beautiful

was written together for I am beautiful

was written together for I am beautiful in a way I cannot fathom fives but you

in a way I cannot fathom fives but you

in a way I cannot fathom fives but you see I am beautiful in a way I cannot

see I am beautiful in a way I cannot

see I am beautiful in a way I cannot fathom six there are very few things

fathom six there are very few things

fathom six there are very few things that I don’t understand

that I don’t understand

that I don’t understand seven I was born in the spring of 96 and

seven I was born in the spring of 96 and

seven I was born in the spring of 96 and there has never been another quite the

there has never been another quite the

there has never been another quite the same eight four Springs after this my

same eight four Springs after this my

same eight four Springs after this my father had me ride on the back of his

father had me ride on the back of his

father had me ride on the back of his neon blue Vespa to the boulevard that

neon blue Vespa to the boulevard that

neon blue Vespa to the boulevard that never was again the wind ran crude

never was again the wind ran crude

never was again the wind ran crude fingers through my bob hair but it was

fingers through my bob hair but it was

fingers through my bob hair but it was more affection than I was accustomed to

more affection than I was accustomed to

more affection than I was accustomed to the half baked concrete lay vacant like

the half baked concrete lay vacant like

the half baked concrete lay vacant like the list of mistakes I was yet to make

the list of mistakes I was yet to make

the list of mistakes I was yet to make and above me stretch the intertwined

and above me stretch the intertwined

and above me stretch the intertwined woody fingers of nature’s lovers

woody fingers of nature’s lovers

woody fingers of nature’s lovers punctuated with a shy green you know I

punctuated with a shy green you know I

punctuated with a shy green you know I call it bravery craning my neck to it

call it bravery craning my neck to it

call it bravery craning my neck to it act in my framework of four-year-old

act in my framework of four-year-old

act in my framework of four-year-old bones to see that sometimes the color

bones to see that sometimes the color

bones to see that sometimes the color wheel doesn’t lie and if you let trees

wheel doesn’t lie and if you let trees

wheel doesn’t lie and if you let trees grow tall enough they lean in towards

grow tall enough they lean in towards

grow tall enough they lean in towards themselves and entangle their lovers

themselves and entangle their lovers

themselves and entangle their lovers star crossed across pavement and blue

star crossed across pavement and blue

star crossed across pavement and blue Vespas nine sometimes they’ll make the

Vespas nine sometimes they’ll make the

Vespas nine sometimes they’ll make the gold of the Sun hurt less I swear to my

gold of the Sun hurt less I swear to my

gold of the Sun hurt less I swear to my god awful concept of conception that I

god awful concept of conception that I

god awful concept of conception that I was brave enough to tell that that

was brave enough to tell that that

was brave enough to tell that that blessed day the Sun

blessed day the Sun

blessed day the Sun was green thank you

was green thank you

was green thank you [Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] [Music]

”

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