[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] suicide sucks and it’s really hard to
suicide sucks and it’s really hard to
suicide sucks and it’s really hard to talk about extremely hard I think the
talk about extremely hard I think the
talk about extremely hard I think the reason that it’s so hard for me
reason that it’s so hard for me
reason that it’s so hard for me specifically to talk about is because
specifically to talk about is because
specifically to talk about is because it’s always going to be really real for
it’s always going to be really real for
it’s always going to be really real for me on October 1st of 2015 I tried to
me on October 1st of 2015 I tried to
me on October 1st of 2015 I tried to kill myself since then I still think
kill myself since then I still think
kill myself since then I still think about it every day whether that be in
about it every day whether that be in
about it every day whether that be in the context of being ashamed of it or
the context of being ashamed of it or
the context of being ashamed of it or maybe walking myself through it again to
maybe walking myself through it again to
maybe walking myself through it again to see how I could help someone who’s
see how I could help someone who’s
see how I could help someone who’s walking through it right now or maybe
walking through it right now or maybe
walking through it right now or maybe even just wishing I would have died that
even just wishing I would have died that
even just wishing I would have died that night it’s always going to be a part of
night it’s always going to be a part of
night it’s always going to be a part of my story while I was writing this talk I
my story while I was writing this talk I
my story while I was writing this talk I actually almost lost a good friend to
actually almost lost a good friend to
actually almost lost a good friend to suicide so yeah suicide is really real
suicide so yeah suicide is really real
suicide so yeah suicide is really real for me in a lot of aspects and it’s so
for me in a lot of aspects and it’s so
for me in a lot of aspects and it’s so hard to stand up here and to talk about
hard to stand up here and to talk about
hard to stand up here and to talk about it because talking about it makes it
it because talking about it makes it
it because talking about it makes it even more real and I wish with my whole
even more real and I wish with my whole
even more real and I wish with my whole heart that it didn’t have to be so real
heart that it didn’t have to be so real
heart that it didn’t have to be so real I wish that if I just didn’t talk about
I wish that if I just didn’t talk about
I wish that if I just didn’t talk about it it would go away but as they say the
it it would go away but as they say the
it it would go away but as they say the definition of insanity is doing the same
definition of insanity is doing the same
definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting
thing over and over again and expecting
thing over and over again and expecting a different result so I have to stop
a different result so I have to stop
a different result so I have to stop thinking it will go away I have to stop
thinking it will go away I have to stop
thinking it will go away I have to stop begging for lives to be saved only
begging for lives to be saved only
begging for lives to be saved only within the four walls of my mind I have
within the four walls of my mind I have
within the four walls of my mind I have to stop believing that silence is the
to stop believing that silence is the
to stop believing that silence is the answer when 44,000 people are still
answer when 44,000 people are still
answer when 44,000 people are still dying by suicide each year I have to
dying by suicide each year I have to
dying by suicide each year I have to talk about it
talk about it
talk about it we we have to talk about it so I’ll
we we have to talk about it so I’ll
we we have to talk about it so I’ll start
start
start I remember watching my anxiety turn into
I remember watching my anxiety turn into
I remember watching my anxiety turn into hating myself into thinking that I
hating myself into thinking that I
hating myself into thinking that I didn’t deserve to live anymore
didn’t deserve to live anymore
didn’t deserve to live anymore I remember what made me want to die but
I remember what made me want to die but
I remember what made me want to die but the boldest memory I have from that
the boldest memory I have from that
the boldest memory I have from that night was the thought I had just before
night was the thought I had just before
night was the thought I had just before I tried to overdose why can’t I just ask
I tried to overdose why can’t I just ask
I tried to overdose why can’t I just ask for help
for help
for help I could hear my parents downstairs and
I could hear my parents downstairs and
I could hear my parents downstairs and my sister in the room next door you know
my sister in the room next door you know
my sister in the room next door you know part of me just kept begging myself to
part of me just kept begging myself to
part of me just kept begging myself to go tell one of them what I was feeling
go tell one of them what I was feeling
go tell one of them what I was feeling but that part apart was too small
but that part apart was too small
but that part apart was too small the bigger part kept saying Sadie this
the bigger part kept saying Sadie this
the bigger part kept saying Sadie this this has to be a secret it kept telling
this has to be a secret it kept telling
this has to be a secret it kept telling me that I was alone and then no one
me that I was alone and then no one
me that I was alone and then no one would understand it kept saying that I
would understand it kept saying that I
would understand it kept saying that I couldn’t ask for help because asking for
couldn’t ask for help because asking for
couldn’t ask for help because asking for help would make me a burden and god
help would make me a burden and god
help would make me a burden and god forbid I’d be a burden looking back I
forbid I’d be a burden looking back I
forbid I’d be a burden looking back I really do wish I would have chosen to
really do wish I would have chosen to
really do wish I would have chosen to ask for help because I know now without
ask for help because I know now without
ask for help because I know now without a shadow of a doubt that my friends and
a shadow of a doubt that my friends and
a shadow of a doubt that my friends and family would have been there for me but
family would have been there for me but
family would have been there for me but how was I supposed to know that those
how was I supposed to know that those
how was I supposed to know that those dark thoughts that I was having where
dark thoughts that I was having where
dark thoughts that I was having where thoughts I could have spoken out loud if
thoughts I could have spoken out loud if
thoughts I could have spoken out loud if I had never heard anyone else say hey
I had never heard anyone else say hey
I had never heard anyone else say hey sometimes things get really dark and I
sometimes things get really dark and I
sometimes things get really dark and I want to end my life how was I supposed
want to end my life how was I supposed
want to end my life how was I supposed to know that if I reached out for help
to know that if I reached out for help
to know that if I reached out for help and I said those things no one would
and I said those things no one would
and I said those things no one would have called me crazy now it’s a scary
have called me crazy now it’s a scary
have called me crazy now it’s a scary thing to walk up to even your closest
thing to walk up to even your closest
thing to walk up to even your closest friend and say these thoughts in my head
friend and say these thoughts in my head
friend and say these thoughts in my head they won’t slow down and I can’t eat I
they won’t slow down and I can’t eat I
they won’t slow down and I can’t eat I can’t sleep I can’t focus and I want to
can’t sleep I can’t focus and I want to
can’t sleep I can’t focus and I want to die how can you be sure that they won’t
die how can you be sure that they won’t
die how can you be sure that they won’t freak out and make it worse or even more
freak out and make it worse or even more
freak out and make it worse or even more so how can you be sure that they
so how can you be sure that they
so how can you be sure that they wouldn’t feel so burdened by your hurt
wouldn’t feel so burdened by your hurt
wouldn’t feel so burdened by your hurt that they would turn around and walk
that they would turn around and walk
that they would turn around and walk away we don’t know because nobody talks
away we don’t know because nobody talks
away we don’t know because nobody talks about it in my experience with the
about it in my experience with the
about it in my experience with the multitude of kids I’ve encountered and
multitude of kids I’ve encountered and
multitude of kids I’ve encountered and not only a psychiatric facility but also
not only a psychiatric facility but also
not only a psychiatric facility but also just within my school suicidal people
just within my school suicidal people
just within my school suicidal people are terrified to ask for help because
are terrified to ask for help because
are terrified to ask for help because the whole idea of suicide has
the whole idea of suicide has
the whole idea of suicide has stigmatize the point where even those of
stigmatize the point where even those of
stigmatize the point where even those of us who struggle with it seem to believe
us who struggle with it seem to believe
us who struggle with it seem to believe we are in fact crazy I truly believe
we are in fact crazy I truly believe
we are in fact crazy I truly believe that if suicidal people knew it was safe
that if suicidal people knew it was safe
that if suicidal people knew it was safe to ask for help they would so let’s show
to ask for help they would so let’s show
to ask for help they would so let’s show them that it’s safe the first step is to
them that it’s safe the first step is to
them that it’s safe the first step is to get educated these things they matter
get educated these things they matter
get educated these things they matter according to the CDC suicide is the
according to the CDC suicide is the
according to the CDC suicide is the second leading cause of death among
second leading cause of death among
second leading cause of death among young people I believe that it needs to
young people I believe that it needs to
young people I believe that it needs to be common knowledge that suicide is not
be common knowledge that suicide is not
be common knowledge that suicide is not an issue of race of gender of class of
an issue of race of gender of class of
an issue of race of gender of class of age of sexual orientation suicide is a
age of sexual orientation suicide is a
age of sexual orientation suicide is a human issue and once we grasp that idea
human issue and once we grasp that idea
human issue and once we grasp that idea we are far more likely to take steps
we are far more likely to take steps
we are far more likely to take steps towards education because we then
towards education because we then
towards education because we then realize that no one is immune not us or
realize that no one is immune not us or
realize that no one is immune not us or our families the next step under the
our families the next step under the
our families the next step under the umbrella of education is to use the
umbrella of education is to use the
umbrella of education is to use the resources we have available to not only
resources we have available to not only
resources we have available to not only learn the signs of suicide which is
learn the signs of suicide which is
learn the signs of suicide which is extremely important but also to
extremely important but also to
extremely important but also to understand that we have the power to
understand that we have the power to
understand that we have the power to halt suicide in its tracks the following
halt suicide in its tracks the following
halt suicide in its tracks the following statistic breaks my heart and I hope
statistic breaks my heart and I hope
statistic breaks my heart and I hope that it breaks yours too 81% of people
that it breaks yours too 81% of people
that it breaks yours too 81% of people who attempt suicide tell someone what
who attempt suicide tell someone what
who attempt suicide tell someone what they’re going to do and when they are
they’re going to do and when they are
they’re going to do and when they are going to do it before they do it
81% of the time they tell someone what
81% of the time they tell someone what they’re going to do and when they’re
they’re going to do and when they’re
they’re going to do and when they’re going to do it you understand what that
going to do it you understand what that
going to do it you understand what that means that means that 81% of the time we
means that means that 81% of the time we
means that means that 81% of the time we as loved ones we know what they’re
as loved ones we know what they’re
as loved ones we know what they’re feeling we know what they’re thinking we
feeling we know what they’re thinking we
feeling we know what they’re thinking we even know what they’re planning yet we
even know what they’re planning yet we
even know what they’re planning yet we stay silent why
I understand that some of us may fear
I understand that some of us may fear that the trouble person might feel
that the trouble person might feel
that the trouble person might feel betrayed if we tell someone or maybe we
betrayed if we tell someone or maybe we
betrayed if we tell someone or maybe we fear that getting involved means it
fear that getting involved means it
fear that getting involved means it wasn’t just a joke and it wasn’t just a
wasn’t just a joke and it wasn’t just a
wasn’t just a joke and it wasn’t just a threat getting involved means it’s real
threat getting involved means it’s real
threat getting involved means it’s real we don’t want it to be real but I hate
we don’t want it to be real but I hate
we don’t want it to be real but I hate to break it to you but getting involved
to break it to you but getting involved
to break it to you but getting involved doesn’t make it any more real than it
doesn’t make it any more real than it
doesn’t make it any more real than it already is our fears do not excuse our
already is our fears do not excuse our
already is our fears do not excuse our silence they don’t so what can we do to
silence they don’t so what can we do to
silence they don’t so what can we do to make sure that when we’re made aware of
make sure that when we’re made aware of
make sure that when we’re made aware of someone’s suicidal ideation we choose to
someone’s suicidal ideation we choose to
someone’s suicidal ideation we choose to get them help instead of walking away
get them help instead of walking away
get them help instead of walking away well I think the next step to do that is
well I think the next step to do that is
well I think the next step to do that is to get honest the scariest thing I ever
to get honest the scariest thing I ever
to get honest the scariest thing I ever did was own up to my past and tell my
did was own up to my past and tell my
did was own up to my past and tell my story in our society we are so obsessed
story in our society we are so obsessed
story in our society we are so obsessed with image you know giving this false
with image you know giving this false
with image you know giving this false idea that we have it all together but
idea that we have it all together but
idea that we have it all together but where has that gotten us the walls that
where has that gotten us the walls that
where has that gotten us the walls that we’ve built around our hurt have
we’ve built around our hurt have
we’ve built around our hurt have fostered more than 44,000 suicides a
fostered more than 44,000 suicides a
fostered more than 44,000 suicides a year not to mention 25 suicide attempts
year not to mention 25 suicide attempts
year not to mention 25 suicide attempts for every death by suicide roll
for every death by suicide roll
for every death by suicide roll vulnerability is terrifying but not as
vulnerability is terrifying but not as
vulnerability is terrifying but not as terrifying as the thought of losing our
terrifying as the thought of losing our
terrifying as the thought of losing our loved ones to suicide when I say get
loved ones to suicide when I say get
loved ones to suicide when I say get honest I’m not asking that you talk
honest I’m not asking that you talk
honest I’m not asking that you talk about suicide if you’ve never
about suicide if you’ve never
about suicide if you’ve never experienced it I’m not asking that you
experienced it I’m not asking that you
experienced it I’m not asking that you walk up to every stranger and tell them
walk up to every stranger and tell them
walk up to every stranger and tell them the darkest parts of your life I’m just
the darkest parts of your life I’m just
the darkest parts of your life I’m just saying
saying
saying stop wearing a mask stop pretending that
stop wearing a mask stop pretending that
stop wearing a mask stop pretending that you’re having a good day when you’re not
you’re having a good day when you’re not
you’re having a good day when you’re not stop lying stop acting like you have it
stop lying stop acting like you have it
stop lying stop acting like you have it all together when you don’t show people
all together when you don’t show people
all together when you don’t show people who are battling suicide that it’s okay
who are battling suicide that it’s okay
who are battling suicide that it’s okay if they don’t have it all together show
if they don’t have it all together show
if they don’t have it all together show them that yeah everybody has their crap
them that yeah everybody has their crap
them that yeah everybody has their crap they have to deal with be transparent in
they have to deal with be transparent in
they have to deal with be transparent in the way that you choose to live your
the way that you choose to live your
the way that you choose to live your life
life
life I understand if you feel like that
I understand if you feel like that
I understand if you feel like that honesty is scary because it is I’ve been
honesty is scary because it is I’ve been
honesty is scary because it is I’ve been there still there but getting real about
there still there but getting real about
there still there but getting real about the tough stuff is the only way that
the tough stuff is the only way that
the tough stuff is the only way that we’re gonna be able to help people who
we’re gonna be able to help people who
we’re gonna be able to help people who feel like they’re alone in this I know
feel like they’re alone in this I know
feel like they’re alone in this I know it’s tough but step three get brave I
it’s tough but step three get brave I
it’s tough but step three get brave I went to school with this girl for about
went to school with this girl for about
went to school with this girl for about four years but up until our senior year
four years but up until our senior year
four years but up until our senior year we had never spoken different social
we had never spoken different social
we had never spoken different social circles but for Suicide Prevention Week
circles but for Suicide Prevention Week
circles but for Suicide Prevention Week of 2016 I wrote an article about my
of 2016 I wrote an article about my
of 2016 I wrote an article about my suicide attempt and I published it and
suicide attempt and I published it and
suicide attempt and I published it and she read it online a few days later she
she read it online a few days later she
she read it online a few days later she walked up to me and told me that she
walked up to me and told me that she
walked up to me and told me that she read my article and followed that up
read my article and followed that up
read my article and followed that up with I want to die I was the first of
with I want to die I was the first of
with I want to die I was the first of many people who have chosen to confide
many people who have chosen to confide
many people who have chosen to confide in me about their struggles since I
in me about their struggles since I
in me about their struggles since I started talking about mine it’s a ripple
started talking about mine it’s a ripple
started talking about mine it’s a ripple effect when someone feels safe and
effect when someone feels safe and
effect when someone feels safe and secure because of your honesty they’ll
secure because of your honesty they’ll
secure because of your honesty they’ll choose to be honest – it’s so hard every
choose to be honest – it’s so hard every
choose to be honest – it’s so hard every time someone tells me something like
time someone tells me something like
time someone tells me something like that
that
that you know I question what if I say the
you know I question what if I say the
you know I question what if I say the wrong thing and they end their life or
wrong thing and they end their life or
wrong thing and they end their life or what do I even say in this situation
what do I even say in this situation
what do I even say in this situation more often that not I question why can’t
more often that not I question why can’t
more often that not I question why can’t I make it better I understand that fear
I make it better I understand that fear
I make it better I understand that fear I get it one time I was talking to this
I get it one time I was talking to this
I get it one time I was talking to this really awesome teacher that I had about
really awesome teacher that I had about
really awesome teacher that I had about what I was struggling with and I
what I was struggling with and I
what I was struggling with and I randomly felt this overwhelming wave of
randomly felt this overwhelming wave of
randomly felt this overwhelming wave of shame and I began to pologize interfere
shame and I began to pologize interfere
shame and I began to pologize interfere telling her these things for burdening
telling her these things for burdening
telling her these things for burdening her her response was pretty awesome you
her her response was pretty awesome you
her her response was pretty awesome you know people say you won’t remember what
know people say you won’t remember what
know people say you won’t remember what people said but you’ll remember how they
people said but you’ll remember how they
people said but you’ll remember how they made you feel so I’m pretty sure the
made you feel so I’m pretty sure the
made you feel so I’m pretty sure the following quote isn’t exactly verbatim
following quote isn’t exactly verbatim
following quote isn’t exactly verbatim but she meant something along the lines
but she meant something along the lines
but she meant something along the lines of I’d rather face these thoughts with
of I’d rather face these thoughts with
of I’d rather face these thoughts with you than lose you any day and I think
you than lose you any day and I think
you than lose you any day and I think that that’s pretty powerful I think we
that that’s pretty powerful I think we
that that’s pretty powerful I think we all need to be like her we all need to
all need to be like her we all need to
all need to be like her we all need to choose to tell that fear that it has no
choose to tell that fear that it has no
choose to tell that fear that it has no place here
place here
place here we need to be brave and talk about
we need to be brave and talk about
we need to be brave and talk about something that is so very scary so let’s
something that is so very scary so let’s
something that is so very scary so let’s be like my teacher
be like my teacher
be like my teacher let’s choose to save lives let’s talk
let’s choose to save lives let’s talk
let’s choose to save lives let’s talk about it when I say let’s talk now
about it when I say let’s talk now
about it when I say let’s talk now asking you to walk up to the person
asking you to walk up to the person
asking you to walk up to the person sitting next to you and be like hey
sitting next to you and be like hey
sitting next to you and be like hey 44,000 people who die by suicide each
44,000 people who die by suicide each
44,000 people who die by suicide each year or hey one time I tried to kill
year or hey one time I tried to kill
year or hey one time I tried to kill myself like that’s not not what I’m
myself like that’s not not what I’m
myself like that’s not not what I’m asking of you I’m just asking
asking of you I’m just asking
asking of you I’m just asking but you don’t run from it don’t avoid it
but you don’t run from it don’t avoid it
but you don’t run from it don’t avoid it when you see someone who is hurting walk
when you see someone who is hurting walk
when you see someone who is hurting walk up to them please just walk up to them
up to them please just walk up to them
up to them please just walk up to them and talk about it it is not that hard to
and talk about it it is not that hard to
and talk about it it is not that hard to be there for people you walk up to them
be there for people you walk up to them
be there for people you walk up to them and you tell them that whatever they’re
and you tell them that whatever they’re
and you tell them that whatever they’re feeling they can share with you tell
feeling they can share with you tell
feeling they can share with you tell them that they can tell you those dark
them that they can tell you those dark
them that they can tell you those dark thoughts that they’re having just face
thoughts that they’re having just face
thoughts that they’re having just face it be there for people I know that
it be there for people I know that
it be there for people I know that sometimes helping others requires us to
sometimes helping others requires us to
sometimes helping others requires us to be honest and vulnerable about our own
be honest and vulnerable about our own
be honest and vulnerable about our own struggles and that means we have to
struggles and that means we have to
struggles and that means we have to overcome a lot of shame sometimes but
overcome a lot of shame sometimes but
overcome a lot of shame sometimes but like I’ve said we cannot let shame and
like I’ve said we cannot let shame and
like I’ve said we cannot let shame and we cannot let fear stop us so from this
we cannot let fear stop us so from this
we cannot let fear stop us so from this day forward I ask that you would join me
day forward I ask that you would join me
day forward I ask that you would join me and no longer sit in silence while
and no longer sit in silence while
and no longer sit in silence while suicide takes our friends in our family
suicide takes our friends in our family
suicide takes our friends in our family let’s get educated let’s get honest
let’s get educated let’s get honest
let’s get educated let’s get honest let’s get brave but most of all let’s
let’s get brave but most of all let’s
let’s get brave but most of all let’s talk thank you
talk thank you
talk thank you [Applause]
”
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