[Music] when I was 15
when I was 15
when I was 15 a male middle school teacher mr. richer
a male middle school teacher mr. richer
a male middle school teacher mr. richer pate raped me I knew them for a year
pate raped me I knew them for a year
pate raped me I knew them for a year before he attacked me we met when I was
before he attacked me we met when I was
before he attacked me we met when I was a waiter at a restaurant looking back on
a waiter at a restaurant looking back on
a waiter at a restaurant looking back on that year I used to find it odd that his
that year I used to find it odd that his
that year I used to find it odd that his likes and dislikes began the closely
likes and dislikes began the closely
likes and dislikes began the closely paralleled mine until I realized years
paralleled mine until I realized years
paralleled mine until I realized years later that he was slowly grooming me to
later that he was slowly grooming me to
later that he was slowly grooming me to earn his trust of course I was in shock
earn his trust of course I was in shock
earn his trust of course I was in shock at the bond act that just took place I
at the bond act that just took place I
at the bond act that just took place I stay within my shell I refused the
stay within my shell I refused the
stay within my shell I refused the missions to anyone because that is what
missions to anyone because that is what
missions to anyone because that is what our culture taught me to do well one
our culture taught me to do well one
our culture taught me to do well one here’s a sexual assault they assume the
here’s a sexual assault they assume the
here’s a sexual assault they assume the victim is a female most Americans still
victim is a female most Americans still
victim is a female most Americans still believe that rape is a crime
believe that rape is a crime
believe that rape is a crime specifically against a woman
specifically against a woman
specifically against a woman our testosterone-driven society cannot
our testosterone-driven society cannot
our testosterone-driven society cannot fathom that a man can be the victim of
fathom that a man can be the victim of
fathom that a man can be the victim of rape discussing sexual assaults in
rape discussing sexual assaults in
rape discussing sexual assaults in molestation makes people feel
molestation makes people feel
molestation makes people feel uncomfortable it should it is a violent
uncomfortable it should it is a violent
uncomfortable it should it is a violent unspeakable act that causes people
unspeakable act that causes people
unspeakable act that causes people females and males alike undo physical
females and males alike undo physical
females and males alike undo physical and mental trauma every 100 seconds an
and mental trauma every 100 seconds an
and mental trauma every 100 seconds an American is sexually assaulted a child
American is sexually assaulted a child
American is sexually assaulted a child every eight minutes according to one
every eight minutes according to one
every eight minutes according to one instance an organization who specializes
instance an organization who specializes
instance an organization who specializes in helping male victims one in six men
in helping male victims one in six men
in helping male victims one in six men have been sexually assaulted or molested
have been sexually assaulted or molested
have been sexually assaulted or molested and that is based on those who have
and that is based on those who have
and that is based on those who have reported I am that one at six we have
reported I am that one at six we have
reported I am that one at six we have built a society around various myths
built a society around various myths
built a society around various myths involved in the molestation of young men
involved in the molestation of young men
involved in the molestation of young men by male pedophiles so much so that is
by male pedophiles so much so that is
by male pedophiles so much so that is ingrained into the male psyche since
ingrained into the male psyche since
ingrained into the male psyche since birth especially in this age of fear and
birth especially in this age of fear and
birth especially in this age of fear and then thatha’s now cast for all we are
then thatha’s now cast for all we are
then thatha’s now cast for all we are taught is the accepted norm we teach our
taught is the accepted norm we teach our
taught is the accepted norm we teach our sons that there will never be a real man
sons that there will never be a real man
sons that there will never be a real man because they could not protect
because they could not protect
because they could not protect themselves the question of sexual
themselves the question of sexual
themselves the question of sexual orientation or worse than the day – may
orientation or worse than the day – may
orientation or worse than the day – may become a pedophile these fantasies
become a pedophile these fantasies
become a pedophile these fantasies couple of todays while chisme culture
couple of todays while chisme culture
couple of todays while chisme culture plays fair to pick those mind that could
plays fair to pick those mind that could
plays fair to pick those mind that could cause lifelong social and
cause lifelong social and
cause lifelong social and the problems instead of running the
the problems instead of running the
the problems instead of running the truth they wander through life feeling
truth they wander through life feeling
truth they wander through life feeling confused humiliated horrid and angry
confused humiliated horrid and angry
confused humiliated horrid and angry they believe that no one will understand
they believe that no one will understand
they believe that no one will understand the pain that they suffer so they Danish
the pain that they suffer so they Danish
the pain that they suffer so they Danish League muddled up their emotions they
League muddled up their emotions they
League muddled up their emotions they turn a temporary escape methods to door
turn a temporary escape methods to door
turn a temporary escape methods to door the world around them such as drug use
the world around them such as drug use
the world around them such as drug use alcohol abuse or violence against
alcohol abuse or violence against
alcohol abuse or violence against themselves and others a few days after
themselves and others a few days after
themselves and others a few days after my attack
my attack
my attack I received an apology letter in the mail
I received an apology letter in the mail
I received an apology letter in the mail from mr. Cady although it did not
from mr. Cady although it did not
from mr. Cady although it did not mention things specific one could easily
mention things specific one could easily
mention things specific one could easily conclude that something inappropriate
conclude that something inappropriate
conclude that something inappropriate happened between a minor and an adult I
happened between a minor and an adult I
happened between a minor and an adult I read it once and promptly toss it to the
read it once and promptly toss it to the
read it once and promptly toss it to the garbage a few hours later my mother
garbage a few hours later my mother
garbage a few hours later my mother pushed me this letter after fighting on
pushed me this letter after fighting on
pushed me this letter after fighting on top of the trash rightfully concerned
top of the trash rightfully concerned
top of the trash rightfully concerned she inquired if he had touched me in any
she inquired if he had touched me in any
she inquired if he had touched me in any way be it 15 stubborn embarrassed and
way be it 15 stubborn embarrassed and
way be it 15 stubborn embarrassed and ashamed in other words an American
ashamed in other words an American
ashamed in other words an American teenager I denied that he laid his hands
teenager I denied that he laid his hands
teenager I denied that he laid his hands on me little did I know that it’s one
on me little did I know that it’s one
on me little did I know that it’s one letter will play such a vital role in my
letter will play such a vital role in my
letter will play such a vital role in my life many years down the road and as it
life many years down the road and as it
life many years down the road and as it always does life went on I continued to
always does life went on I continued to
always does life went on I continued to fight the demons within as I silently
fight the demons within as I silently
fight the demons within as I silently waged war against a building depression
waged war against a building depression
waged war against a building depression I joined the army after high school in
I joined the army after high school in
I joined the army after high school in the military during the late 1990s it
the military during the late 1990s it
the military during the late 1990s it was a stigma to seek help at behavior
was a stigma to seek help at behavior
was a stigma to seek help at behavior health it was perceived as a sign of
health it was perceived as a sign of
health it was perceived as a sign of weakness and a possible career killer I
weakness and a possible career killer I
weakness and a possible career killer I became very proficient I keep in my
became very proficient I keep in my
became very proficient I keep in my personal and professional life separate
personal and professional life separate
personal and professional life separate for a very long time multiple
for a very long time multiple
for a very long time multiple appointments can be busy enough not to
appointments can be busy enough not to
appointments can be busy enough not to let my mind wander I was able to move up
let my mind wander I was able to move up
let my mind wander I was able to move up the ranks and into positions of a crease
the ranks and into positions of a crease
the ranks and into positions of a crease responsibilities without anyone learning
responsibilities without anyone learning
responsibilities without anyone learning my dark secret in January of 2010 I
my dark secret in January of 2010 I
my dark secret in January of 2010 I could no longer keep up the facade I do
could no longer keep up the facade I do
could no longer keep up the facade I do not know if those a sight a sound or
not know if those a sight a sound or
not know if those a sight a sound or smell but something trigger my mind in
smell but something trigger my mind in
smell but something trigger my mind in such a way to cause me to have a nervous
such a way to cause me to have a nervous
such a way to cause me to have a nervous breakdown while driving it was hard for
breakdown while driving it was hard for
breakdown while driving it was hard for me to catch my breath as my mind
me to catch my breath as my mind
me to catch my breath as my mind continued to race I finally realized
continued to race I finally realized
continued to race I finally realized keep this to myself I needed help
keep this to myself I needed help
keep this to myself I needed help my first day is we have a health patient
my first day is we have a health patient
my first day is we have a health patient was exceptional I told my story for the
was exceptional I told my story for the
was exceptional I told my story for the very first time in complete detail to a
very first time in complete detail to a
very first time in complete detail to a small group of fellow patients basically
small group of fellow patients basically
small group of fellow patients basically a room full of strangers my accounts
a room full of strangers my accounts
a room full of strangers my accounts were possessed ‘you can eke a skill of
were possessed ‘you can eke a skill of
were possessed ‘you can eke a skill of helping two people to open up and use
helping two people to open up and use
helping two people to open up and use force wastes of powers only if I’ll fail
force wastes of powers only if I’ll fail
force wastes of powers only if I’ll fail I have never spells such a relief as I
I have never spells such a relief as I
I have never spells such a relief as I did that day when my store is finally
did that day when my store is finally
did that day when my store is finally out there I was finally able to walk
out there I was finally able to walk
out there I was finally able to walk upright for the first time in over
upright for the first time in over
upright for the first time in over seventy years the heavy burden of hiding
seventy years the heavy burden of hiding
seventy years the heavy burden of hiding my shameful past finally fell away a
couple months later I research the
couple months later I research the statute of limitations for statutory
statute of limitations for statutory
statute of limitations for statutory rape in my home state of North Carolina
rape in my home state of North Carolina
rape in my home state of North Carolina there were none I called my home tell us
there were none I called my home tell us
there were none I called my home tell us the police department even though it was
the police department even though it was
the police department even though it was a long shot to report my attack the
a long shot to report my attack the
a long shot to report my attack the detectives asked if we could meet for a
detectives asked if we could meet for a
detectives asked if we could meet for a couple days to work out the details I
couple days to work out the details I
couple days to work out the details I submitted a written statement and show
submitted a written statement and show
submitted a written statement and show it over mr. pate lived by the way not
it over mr. pate lived by the way not
it over mr. pate lived by the way not only he had unlimited access to children
only he had unlimited access to children
only he had unlimited access to children during his decades of teaching these
during his decades of teaching these
during his decades of teaching these same kids walk past his house twice a
same kids walk past his house twice a
same kids walk past his house twice a day during the school year honestly I
day during the school year honestly I
day during the school year honestly I didn’t think anything will come of it
didn’t think anything will come of it
didn’t think anything will come of it because all I had was my word against a
because all I had was my word against a
because all I had was my word against a pillar of the communities but I was
pillar of the communities but I was
pillar of the communities but I was happy to start the process the next week
happy to start the process the next week
happy to start the process the next week I received some very good news
I received some very good news
I received some very good news they arrested mr. Payne on charges of
they arrested mr. Payne on charges of
they arrested mr. Payne on charges of statutory sexual offense and take
statutory sexual offense and take
statutory sexual offense and take additionally videos with a minor he was
additionally videos with a minor he was
additionally videos with a minor he was sitting in the Mobile County Jail under
sitting in the Mobile County Jail under
sitting in the Mobile County Jail under captain million-dollars secured behind
captain million-dollars secured behind
captain million-dollars secured behind there in the investigation the
there in the investigation the
there in the investigation the detectives interviewed the formal school
detectives interviewed the formal school
detectives interviewed the formal school superintendent and found on the human
superintendent and found on the human
superintendent and found on the human tracing facts my mother I went to the
tracing facts my mother I went to the
tracing facts my mother I went to the school board with this letter Becky
school board with this letter Becky
school board with this letter Becky broken and as I stated before although
broken and as I stated before although
broken and as I stated before although that I meant anything specific it was
that I meant anything specific it was
that I meant anything specific it was clear there was an interpreter
clear there was an interpreter
clear there was an interpreter between a teacher and a child the school
between a teacher and a child the school
between a teacher and a child the school board game without commentary quietly
board game without commentary quietly
board game without commentary quietly which he did he died in 2013 even though
which he did he died in 2013 even though
which he did he died in 2013 even though I shun her during the weakest home of my
I shun her during the weakest home of my
I shun her during the weakest home of my life my father this brave woman never
life my father this brave woman never
life my father this brave woman never gave up hope once does the rest of a
gave up hope once does the rest of a
gave up hope once does the rest of a public I hope that others will speak out
public I hope that others will speak out
public I hope that others will speak out against mr. paid the odds are slim that
against mr. paid the odds are slim that
against mr. paid the odds are slim that after years of teaching I was always
after years of teaching I was always
after years of teaching I was always shot he assaulted or molested no one
shot he assaulted or molested no one
shot he assaulted or molested no one else came forward now victims need to
else came forward now victims need to
else came forward now victims need to know that they’re professionals out
know that they’re professionals out
know that they’re professionals out there who are trained to help in these
there who are trained to help in these
there who are trained to help in these situations and facilitation support
situations and facilitation support
situations and facilitation support groups for survivors just like them we
groups for survivors just like them we
groups for survivors just like them we no longer have to hide in fear as a
no longer have to hide in fear as a
no longer have to hide in fear as a society Americans can no longer at least
society Americans can no longer at least
society Americans can no longer at least stay on the sidelines of the yummy Boyz
stay on the sidelines of the yummy Boyz
stay on the sidelines of the yummy Boyz II Men I sexually harassed a molested
II Men I sexually harassed a molested
II Men I sexually harassed a molested not only by adults but by the Roma
not only by adults but by the Roma
not only by adults but by the Roma here’s the teammates and it disguises of
here’s the teammates and it disguises of
here’s the teammates and it disguises of locker room crates fraternity
locker room crates fraternity
locker room crates fraternity initiations and military hayseeds we
initiations and military hayseeds we
initiations and military hayseeds we must have the personal urge to normally
must have the personal urge to normally
must have the personal urge to normally accept excuses though this is the way
accept excuses though this is the way
accept excuses though this is the way it’s always been done boys will be boys
it’s always been done boys will be boys
it’s always been done boys will be boys or they knew without getting themselves
or they knew without getting themselves
or they knew without getting themselves into more times it not it has nothing to
into more times it not it has nothing to
into more times it not it has nothing to do
do
do orientation this is about one’s will
orientation this is about one’s will
orientation this is about one’s will over another it is about power I’m sure
over another it is about power I’m sure
over another it is about power I’m sure you’ve heard a fight-or-flight innocence
you’ve heard a fight-or-flight innocence
you’ve heard a fight-or-flight innocence a bottle mechanism that all animals so
a bottle mechanism that all animals so
a bottle mechanism that all animals so including humans use to supply the sense
including humans use to supply the sense
including humans use to supply the sense of traumatic situation it gives us over
of traumatic situation it gives us over
of traumatic situation it gives us over there is also a little third response
there is also a little third response
there is also a little third response freeze for example the Deardon
freeze for example the Deardon
freeze for example the Deardon headlights the brain realizes there is
headlights the brain realizes there is
headlights the brain realizes there is no hope of surviving a situation and I
no hope of surviving a situation and I
no hope of surviving a situation and I supported with the day mr. Paine
supported with the day mr. Paine
supported with the day mr. Paine savagely raped me
savagely raped me
savagely raped me I froze I had no hope
I froze I had no hope
I froze I had no hope it took me over 17 years to finally gain
it took me over 17 years to finally gain
it took me over 17 years to finally gain the courage stand up against him after
the courage stand up against him after
the courage stand up against him after haunting me for so long
haunting me for so long
haunting me for so long was finally I have found hope
was finally I have found hope
was finally I have found hope I no longer need to attend behavior
I no longer need to attend behavior
I no longer need to attend behavior health I know I’m gonna take on
health I know I’m gonna take on
health I know I’m gonna take on antidepressants
antidepressants
antidepressants to get me through the day speaking to
to get me through the day speaking to
to get me through the day speaking to groups just like this is my therapy I am
groups just like this is my therapy I am
groups just like this is my therapy I am stronger now because I stood up not only
stronger now because I stood up not only
stronger now because I stood up not only for myself but for so many others to
for myself but for so many others to
for myself but for so many others to take a predator off the street they can
take a predator off the street they can
take a predator off the street they can no longer safely assault my water that
no longer safely assault my water that
no longer safely assault my water that can all go molest my daughter and that
can all go molest my daughter and that
can all go molest my daughter and that can no longer harass one of your family
can no longer harass one of your family
can no longer harass one of your family members there will be the way you did no
members there will be the way you did no
members there will be the way you did no such as supporting one of organizations
such as supporting one of organizations
such as supporting one of organizations like what is six melzar paradata or or
like what is six melzar paradata or or
like what is six melzar paradata or or your local rape crisis center you will
your local rape crisis center you will
your local rape crisis center you will probably never see a regular but you
probably never see a regular but you
probably never see a regular but you will witness behaviors and attitudes
will witness behaviors and attitudes
will witness behaviors and attitudes that promote a rape culture such as
that promote a rape culture such as
that promote a rape culture such as victim blaming joking or not taking
victim blaming joking or not taking
victim blaming joking or not taking allegation seriously we must maintain
allegation seriously we must maintain
allegation seriously we must maintain situational awareness of our actions and
situational awareness of our actions and
situational awareness of our actions and be aware of our language those words
be aware of our language those words
be aware of our language those words have immense power they can easily make
have immense power they can easily make
have immense power they can easily make a person feel less than human this is
a person feel less than human this is
a person feel less than human this is our society we dictate what is right and
our society we dictate what is right and
our society we dictate what is right and what is wrong it is our responsibility
what is wrong it is our responsibility
what is wrong it is our responsibility to speak out against these action to
to speak out against these action to
to speak out against these action to take away the power from those who wish
take away the power from those who wish
take away the power from those who wish to do harm to others this isn’t about
to do harm to others this isn’t about
to do harm to others this isn’t about men’s rights
men’s rights
men’s rights this isn’t about women’s rights this is
this isn’t about women’s rights this is
this isn’t about women’s rights this is about the rights of everyone to not have
about the rights of everyone to not have
about the rights of everyone to not have a little fear a sexual harassment
a little fear a sexual harassment
a little fear a sexual harassment so my story’s anomaly it has a happy
so my story’s anomaly it has a happy
so my story’s anomaly it has a happy ending
ending
ending it sounds cliched but if I can get one
it sounds cliched but if I can get one
it sounds cliched but if I can get one person in this room a sliver of home and
person in this room a sliver of home and
person in this room a sliver of home and intern courage then I’ve done my job to
intern courage then I’ve done my job to
intern courage then I’ve done my job to set them on the path from victim to
set them on the path from victim to
set them on the path from victim to survivor hope for a better tomorrow hope
survivor hope for a better tomorrow hope
survivor hope for a better tomorrow hope for those with experience my pain to
for those with experience my pain to
for those with experience my pain to find their own inner stream Oh Brad 106
”
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