[Applause] I’d actually like to start off by asking
I’d actually like to start off by asking
I’d actually like to start off by asking you guys for a little bit of a favor and
you guys for a little bit of a favor and
you guys for a little bit of a favor and that’s to rid yourself of any kind of
that’s to rid yourself of any kind of
that’s to rid yourself of any kind of preconceived judgments that you might
preconceived judgments that you might
preconceived judgments that you might have of me whether that’s that I compete
have of me whether that’s that I compete
have of me whether that’s that I compete in pageants whether that’s the fact that
in pageants whether that’s the fact that
in pageants whether that’s the fact that I’m an Asian American woman who’s going
I’m an Asian American woman who’s going
I’m an Asian American woman who’s going to be speaking to you about diversity of
to be speaking to you about diversity of
to be speaking to you about diversity of the day whatever it might be I want you
the day whatever it might be I want you
the day whatever it might be I want you to think of me as a person and as an
to think of me as a person and as an
to think of me as a person and as an individual I want you to see me as
individual I want you to see me as
individual I want you to see me as Eileen Kim and the reason for that is
Eileen Kim and the reason for that is
Eileen Kim and the reason for that is because today I’m going to be speaking
because today I’m going to be speaking
because today I’m going to be speaking about the four stages that led me to
about the four stages that led me to
about the four stages that led me to loving myself and loving who I was and
loving myself and loving who I was and
loving myself and loving who I was and not allowing any label no matter how
not allowing any label no matter how
not allowing any label no matter how great or how terrible might be I would
great or how terrible might be I would
great or how terrible might be I would not let those labels identify Who I am
not let those labels identify Who I am
not let those labels identify Who I am so the first stage for me was self-doubt
so the first stage for me was self-doubt
so the first stage for me was self-doubt and this came at a very early age
and this came at a very early age
and this came at a very early age because I was actually born and raised
because I was actually born and raised
because I was actually born and raised in Minnesota I’m out of all states that
in Minnesota I’m out of all states that
in Minnesota I’m out of all states that was the place that my parents decided to
was the place that my parents decided to
was the place that my parents decided to raise me meaning that I used to have the
raise me meaning that I used to have the
raise me meaning that I used to have the accent and if you’re from Minnesota and
accent and if you’re from Minnesota and
accent and if you’re from Minnesota and don’t think you have it you do um I
don’t think you have it you do um I
don’t think you have it you do um I realized that I just I looked so
realized that I just I looked so
realized that I just I looked so different from everyone else and I you
different from everyone else and I you
different from everyone else and I you know couldn’t really realize why and if
know couldn’t really realize why and if
know couldn’t really realize why and if you have no idea what the demographics
you have no idea what the demographics
you have no idea what the demographics and good old Minnesota look like here’s
and good old Minnesota look like here’s
and good old Minnesota look like here’s a picture here in my glory days in
a picture here in my glory days in
a picture here in my glory days in middle school um with six of my very
middle school um with six of my very
middle school um with six of my very best friends you know I still love them
best friends you know I still love them
best friends you know I still love them and I still care for them so much and
and I still care for them so much and
and I still care for them so much and they’re actually so supportive of me
they’re actually so supportive of me
they’re actually so supportive of me still today even when I was in eighth
still today even when I was in eighth
still today even when I was in eighth grade
grade
grade but if you can tell I looked very
but if you can tell I looked very
but if you can tell I looked very different and that led me to questioning
different and that led me to questioning
different and that led me to questioning a lot about myself
a lot about myself
a lot about myself nothing nothing bad just why was I
nothing nothing bad just why was I
nothing nothing bad just why was I different why why do I look different
different why why do I look different
different why why do I look different why was a way that I was raised why were
why was a way that I was raised why were
why was a way that I was raised why were my cultures and traditions so different
my cultures and traditions so different
my cultures and traditions so different from theirs well it’s because of the
from theirs well it’s because of the
from theirs well it’s because of the fact that I was an Asian American and
fact that I was an Asian American and
fact that I was an Asian American and they weren’t and a lot of people
they weren’t and a lot of people
they weren’t and a lot of people actually asked me what it was like to
actually asked me what it was like to
actually asked me what it was like to grow up in Minnesota especially as an
grow up in Minnesota especially as an
grow up in Minnesota especially as an asian-american and you would expect you
asian-american and you would expect you
asian-american and you would expect you know kind of racist remarks because
know kind of racist remarks because
know kind of racist remarks because there weren’t a lot of us but the truth
there weren’t a lot of us but the truth
there weren’t a lot of us but the truth was that it was actually more
was that it was actually more
was that it was actually more that their questions and the remarks
that their questions and the remarks
that their questions and the remarks were just kind of out of curiosity
were just kind of out of curiosity
were just kind of out of curiosity because there wasn’t a lot of us they
because there wasn’t a lot of us they
because there wasn’t a lot of us they just wanted to know more so in eighth
just wanted to know more so in eighth
just wanted to know more so in eighth grade I found out that I was going to be
grade I found out that I was going to be
grade I found out that I was going to be moving to finally the warm weather
moving to finally the warm weather
moving to finally the warm weather California and I was just so so ecstatic
California and I was just so so ecstatic
California and I was just so so ecstatic about it especially the first time I
about it especially the first time I
about it especially the first time I remember my family visiting Koreatown oh
remember my family visiting Koreatown oh
remember my family visiting Koreatown oh my goodness I can’t even tell you what
my goodness I can’t even tell you what
my goodness I can’t even tell you what that experience was like because for the
that experience was like because for the
that experience was like because for the first time I saw people who looked like
first time I saw people who looked like
first time I saw people who looked like me people who had the same experiences
me people who had the same experiences
me people who had the same experiences as me people who spoke the same language
as me people who spoke the same language
as me people who spoke the same language as me but the truth of the matter was
as me but the truth of the matter was
as me but the truth of the matter was that being different meant kind of going
that being different meant kind of going
that being different meant kind of going down two different paths one of them was
down two different paths one of them was
down two different paths one of them was empowerment meaning that you take these
empowerment meaning that you take these
empowerment meaning that you take these differences and you take charge of them
differences and you take charge of them
differences and you take charge of them and you’re proud of them and the other
and you’re proud of them and the other
and you’re proud of them and the other one is soft deprecation and
one is soft deprecation and
one is soft deprecation and unfortunately where I came to when I
unfortunately where I came to when I
unfortunately where I came to when I moved to California was the self
moved to California was the self
moved to California was the self deprecation and the reasoning for that
deprecation and the reasoning for that
deprecation and the reasoning for that was that even though Minnesota had a lot
was that even though Minnesota had a lot
was that even though Minnesota had a lot of diversity and California had that
of diversity and California had that
of diversity and California had that diversity the thing that I noticed was
diversity the thing that I noticed was
diversity the thing that I noticed was that stereotypes were actually
that stereotypes were actually
that stereotypes were actually reinforced a lot more because there were
reinforced a lot more because there were
reinforced a lot more because there were more of us more people had observations
more of us more people had observations
more of us more people had observations more people had comments to make and I
more people had comments to make and I
more people had comments to make and I unfortunately went down to that point of
unfortunately went down to that point of
unfortunately went down to that point of self-deprecation I was no longer you I
self-deprecation I was no longer you I
self-deprecation I was no longer you I was no longer questioning why was the
was no longer questioning why was the
was no longer questioning why was the way that I was I was blaming myself for
way that I was I was blaming myself for
way that I was I was blaming myself for it because no matter the accomplishments
it because no matter the accomplishments
it because no matter the accomplishments that I had I had attributed them all to
that I had I had attributed them all to
that I had I had attributed them all to the fact that was a woman or that I was
the fact that was a woman or that I was
the fact that was a woman or that I was Asian or any sort of label that people
Asian or any sort of label that people
Asian or any sort of label that people had on me no it’s it’s typical to see a
had on me no it’s it’s typical to see a
had on me no it’s it’s typical to see a violinist who is Asian and to be concert
violinist who is Asian and to be concert
violinist who is Asian and to be concert master of four different orchestras I
master of four different orchestras I
master of four different orchestras I was never proud of that because I
was never proud of that because I
was never proud of that because I thought that that was what was expected
thought that that was what was expected
thought that that was what was expected of me it all came down to expectations
of me it all came down to expectations
of me it all came down to expectations and as an asian-american if I got a bad
and as an asian-american if I got a bad
and as an asian-american if I got a bad grade I wasn’t just disappointed with
grade I wasn’t just disappointed with
grade I wasn’t just disappointed with myself I was disappointed of the fact
myself I was disappointed of the fact
myself I was disappointed of the fact that I couldn’t live up to that
that I couldn’t live up to that
that I couldn’t live up to that stereotype and it was so disappointed
stereotype and it was so disappointed
stereotype and it was so disappointed because when we see media what do we see
because when we see media what do we see
because when we see media what do we see if you don’t get A’s in you’re an Asian
if you don’t get A’s in you’re an Asian
if you don’t get A’s in you’re an Asian you’re a Bayesian oh right
you’re a Bayesian oh right
you’re a Bayesian oh right um hey so you know having having seen
um hey so you know having having seen
um hey so you know having having seen those types of things in the media made
those types of things in the media made
those types of things in the media made me really question who I was and that
me really question who I was and that
me really question who I was and that unfortunately was not only
unfortunately was not only
unfortunately was not only self-deprecation but that did lead me to
self-deprecation but that did lead me to
self-deprecation but that did lead me to self-harm and self-harm to me is
self-harm and self-harm to me is
self-harm and self-harm to me is characterized by the intentional act of
characterized by the intentional act of
characterized by the intentional act of harming oneself whether it’s your body
harming oneself whether it’s your body
harming oneself whether it’s your body or whatever it might be and for me that
or whatever it might be and for me that
or whatever it might be and for me that meant cutting and that meant becoming
meant cutting and that meant becoming
meant cutting and that meant becoming anorexic becoming bulimic and I didn’t
anorexic becoming bulimic and I didn’t
anorexic becoming bulimic and I didn’t think anything was wrong with that
think anything was wrong with that
think anything was wrong with that especially as an asian-american beauty
especially as an asian-american beauty
especially as an asian-american beauty standards for us are so different and I
standards for us are so different and I
standards for us are so different and I thought in order to be beautiful I had
thought in order to be beautiful I had
thought in order to be beautiful I had to be skinnier that’s not the truth for
to be skinnier that’s not the truth for
to be skinnier that’s not the truth for any of you guys who might believe that
any of you guys who might believe that
any of you guys who might believe that you’re beautiful the way that you are
you’re beautiful the way that you are
you’re beautiful the way that you are and growing up I especially realized
and growing up I especially realized
and growing up I especially realized through this diagram that you can see
through this diagram that you can see
through this diagram that you can see that self-harm and mental illnesses we
that self-harm and mental illnesses we
that self-harm and mental illnesses we only see the tip of the iceberg here
only see the tip of the iceberg here
only see the tip of the iceberg here because we don’t see all the people who
because we don’t see all the people who
because we don’t see all the people who actually face self-harm or even thoughts
actually face self-harm or even thoughts
actually face self-harm or even thoughts about doing that piece if you take a
about doing that piece if you take a
about doing that piece if you take a moment to really think about what
moment to really think about what
moment to really think about what self-harm is you have to reach such a
self-harm is you have to reach such a
self-harm is you have to reach such a low point where you’re willing to hurt
low point where you’re willing to hurt
low point where you’re willing to hurt yourself where you’re no longer afraid
yourself where you’re no longer afraid
yourself where you’re no longer afraid of getting bruised or getting cut you do
of getting bruised or getting cut you do
of getting bruised or getting cut you do that to yourself and I knew that I it
that to yourself and I knew that I it
that to yourself and I knew that I it was hard for me I fortunately was
was hard for me I fortunately was
was hard for me I fortunately was actually able to combat both anorexia
actually able to combat both anorexia
actually able to combat both anorexia and bulimia myself and I’m very proud to
and bulimia myself and I’m very proud to
and bulimia myself and I’m very proud to say that I haven’t returned to any of
say that I haven’t returned to any of
say that I haven’t returned to any of those types of any of those acts in
those types of any of those acts in
those types of any of those acts in recent years and that’s because I was
recent years and that’s because I was
recent years and that’s because I was able to seek help when I went to college
able to seek help when I went to college
able to seek help when I went to college and because the thing with self-harm and
and because the thing with self-harm and
and because the thing with self-harm and people do tend to ask me what is going
people do tend to ask me what is going
people do tend to ask me what is going on in my head and I do that is that
on in my head and I do that is that
on in my head and I do that is that especially when you’re in a world where
especially when you’re in a world where
especially when you’re in a world where you know you have stereotypes and people
you know you have stereotypes and people
you know you have stereotypes and people are putting these labels on you you want
are putting these labels on you you want
are putting these labels on you you want to make a decision for yourself and
to make a decision for yourself and
to make a decision for yourself and that’s exactly what I wanted to do I
that’s exactly what I wanted to do I
that’s exactly what I wanted to do I just wanted to take control of something
just wanted to take control of something
just wanted to take control of something in my life something that wasn’t
in my life something that wasn’t
in my life something that wasn’t expected of me
expected of me
expected of me and that came out through self-harm and
and that came out through self-harm and
and that came out through self-harm and it’s extremely unfortunate but when I
it’s extremely unfortunate but when I
it’s extremely unfortunate but when I went to college and had a little more
went to college and had a little more
went to college and had a little more independence in my life that’s I reached
independence in my life that’s I reached
independence in my life that’s I reached self-identity self-identity meant
self-identity self-identity meant
self-identity self-identity meant figuring out who I really was and when I
figuring out who I really was and when I
figuring out who I really was and when I sought help I realized that I wasn’t
sought help I realized that I wasn’t
sought help I realized that I wasn’t just here to go to law school and that’s
just here to go to law school and that’s
just here to go to law school and that’s my aspiration is to go to law school and
my aspiration is to go to law school and
my aspiration is to go to law school and I’ve been dreaming of that ever since I
I’ve been dreaming of that ever since I
I’ve been dreaming of that ever since I was like four or five but that was my
was like four or five but that was my
was like four or five but that was my sense of purpose this entire time and
sense of purpose this entire time and
sense of purpose this entire time and then when I saw it help there asked me
then when I saw it help there asked me
then when I saw it help there asked me what are your goals you know what do you
what are your goals you know what do you
what are your goals you know what do you want to do go to law school what else do
want to do go to law school what else do
want to do go to law school what else do you want in your life I don’t even know
you want in your life I don’t even know
you want in your life I don’t even know where I wanted to live I didn’t know if
where I wanted to live I didn’t know if
where I wanted to live I didn’t know if I wanted a family I didn’t know if I
I wanted a family I didn’t know if I
I wanted a family I didn’t know if I wanted to get married I didn’t know any
wanted to get married I didn’t know any
wanted to get married I didn’t know any of that I just knew that I wanted to go
of that I just knew that I wanted to go
of that I just knew that I wanted to go to law school and I will I’m still Fanny
to law school and I will I’m still Fanny
to law school and I will I’m still Fanny on doing that today but I needed a
on doing that today but I needed a
on doing that today but I needed a bigger sense of purpose because that
bigger sense of purpose because that
bigger sense of purpose because that wasn’t the end for me coming to college
wasn’t the end for me coming to college
wasn’t the end for me coming to college shouldn’t be the end point in your life
shouldn’t be the end point in your life
shouldn’t be the end point in your life and through that self-identity you know
and through that self-identity you know
and through that self-identity you know I questioned every time I self-harmed I
I questioned every time I self-harmed I
I questioned every time I self-harmed I you know thought why am I here why am I
you know thought why am I here why am I
you know thought why am I here why am I doing this why am I the way that I am
doing this why am I the way that I am
doing this why am I the way that I am but why was I born why don’t what am I
but why was I born why don’t what am I
but why was I born why don’t what am I gonna do in this world and when I
gonna do in this world and when I
gonna do in this world and when I reached that self-identity I finally
reached that self-identity I finally
reached that self-identity I finally realized why had gone through all these
realized why had gone through all these
realized why had gone through all these adversities because it wasn’t just to go
adversities because it wasn’t just to go
adversities because it wasn’t just to go to law school and help those who needed
to law school and help those who needed
to law school and help those who needed it it was to be here like I am today in
it it was to be here like I am today in
it it was to be here like I am today in front of you to speak about my story and
front of you to speak about my story and
front of you to speak about my story and to reach out to anyone who might feel
to reach out to anyone who might feel
to reach out to anyone who might feel different who might feel as if they have
different who might feel as if they have
different who might feel as if they have these expectations of them because
these expectations of them because
these expectations of them because what’s important is finding who you are
what’s important is finding who you are
what’s important is finding who you are and if you’re able to do so you find the
and if you’re able to do so you find the
and if you’re able to do so you find the next stage and the last which is self
next stage and the last which is self
next stage and the last which is self love you learn to love yourself and love
love you learn to love yourself and love
love you learn to love yourself and love all these different you know different
all these different you know different
all these different you know different aspects of your life you’re no longer
aspects of your life you’re no longer
aspects of your life you’re no longer attributing them to any of the labels
attributing them to any of the labels
attributing them to any of the labels that have been put on you you love
that have been put on you you love
that have been put on you you love yourself for who you are and so one
yourself for who you are and so one
yourself for who you are and so one thing that I want you all to take away
thing that I want you all to take away
thing that I want you all to take away today is finding out you know who you
today is finding out you know who you
today is finding out you know who you are as a person
are as a person
are as a person not what people expect of you
not what people expect of you
not what people expect of you now we’re you know labels are placed on
now we’re you know labels are placed on
now we’re you know labels are placed on you it’s to think about what you want to
you it’s to think about what you want to
you it’s to think about what you want to do and if that fits any sort of
do and if that fits any sort of
do and if that fits any sort of stereotype that’s perfectly okay but
stereotype that’s perfectly okay but
stereotype that’s perfectly okay but it’s just about making sure that you
it’s just about making sure that you
it’s just about making sure that you know that that’s what you want and
know that that’s what you want and
know that that’s what you want and that’s who you are
that’s who you are
that’s who you are and if you see from this next picture
and if you see from this next picture
and if you see from this next picture that was a moment that I was crowned
that was a moment that I was crowned
that was a moment that I was crowned Miss Orange County 2017
Miss Orange County 2017
Miss Orange County 2017 [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] thank you that was the moment that I
thank you that was the moment that I
thank you that was the moment that I joined the Miss America Organization
joined the Miss America Organization
joined the Miss America Organization because I realized that I had a sense of
because I realized that I had a sense of
because I realized that I had a sense of purpose and to achieve that goal was to
purpose and to achieve that goal was to
purpose and to achieve that goal was to compete in pageants and you might think
compete in pageants and you might think
compete in pageants and you might think oh it’s just to look pretty and to do
oh it’s just to look pretty and to do
oh it’s just to look pretty and to do your hair it’s actually not the case at
your hair it’s actually not the case at
your hair it’s actually not the case at all it’s a scholarship organization
all it’s a scholarship organization
all it’s a scholarship organization that’s there to empower women and their
that’s there to empower women and their
that’s there to empower women and their differences and for that reason you can
differences and for that reason you can
differences and for that reason you can see from my face just how happy I am
see from my face just how happy I am
see from my face just how happy I am but that crown when that was placed on
but that crown when that was placed on
but that crown when that was placed on my head it wasn’t about having a crown
my head it wasn’t about having a crown
my head it wasn’t about having a crown or having a title it was because for the
or having a title it was because for the
or having a title it was because for the first time I was living for myself I was
first time I was living for myself I was
first time I was living for myself I was I finally realized that I could serve
I finally realized that I could serve
I finally realized that I could serve others and that I had the foundation to
others and that I had the foundation to
others and that I had the foundation to do what I’m doing today so please please
do what I’m doing today so please please
do what I’m doing today so please please don’t think about any sort of labels
don’t think about any sort of labels
don’t think about any sort of labels that anyone wants to put on you think
that anyone wants to put on you think
that anyone wants to put on you think about yourself think about what you want
about yourself think about what you want
about yourself think about what you want to do and think about the impact that
to do and think about the impact that
to do and think about the impact that you can make on the world because if you
you can make on the world because if you
you can make on the world because if you do so this face might be on yours you
do so this face might be on yours you
do so this face might be on yours you might realize just how happy you can be
might realize just how happy you can be
might realize just how happy you can be and exactly where you want to go in life
and exactly where you want to go in life
and exactly where you want to go in life thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
”
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