for years I struggled with my body I was in constant battle with myself
in constant battle with myself
in constant battle with myself externally it displayed itself in
externally it displayed itself in
externally it displayed itself in various ways but I was always searching
various ways but I was always searching
various ways but I was always searching for one thing I craved control for a
for one thing I craved control for a
for one thing I craved control for a while I managed this desire and it
while I managed this desire and it
while I managed this desire and it didn’t fully reveal itself until I went
didn’t fully reveal itself until I went
didn’t fully reveal itself until I went through a challenging experience that
through a challenging experience that
through a challenging experience that left me feeling vulnerable I felt like I
left me feeling vulnerable I felt like I
left me feeling vulnerable I felt like I had no authority over my body and as a
had no authority over my body and as a
had no authority over my body and as a result I turned to food thinking it was
result I turned to food thinking it was
result I turned to food thinking it was the only thing that I could regulate
the only thing that I could regulate
the only thing that I could regulate little did I know that four months later
little did I know that four months later
little did I know that four months later I would be diagnosed with anorexia and
I would be diagnosed with anorexia and
I would be diagnosed with anorexia and being informed that I should be
being informed that I should be
being informed that I should be hospitalized I’m here today it’s ring
hospitalized I’m here today it’s ring
hospitalized I’m here today it’s ring light two subjects that is often
light two subjects that is often
light two subjects that is often enveloped in secrecy like most other
enveloped in secrecy like most other
enveloped in secrecy like most other addictions eating disorders are not
addictions eating disorders are not
addictions eating disorders are not uncommon in the way they creep up
uncommon in the way they creep up
uncommon in the way they creep up through your subconscious I thought I
through your subconscious I thought I
through your subconscious I thought I was doing the right thing
was doing the right thing
was doing the right thing exercising and eating healthy I ran
exercising and eating healthy I ran
exercising and eating healthy I ran every day without fail I always took the
every day without fail I always took the
every day without fail I always took the stairs refused to miss a workout and had
stairs refused to miss a workout and had
stairs refused to miss a workout and had a panic attack if I did I can count the
a panic attack if I did I can count the
a panic attack if I did I can count the things I allowed myself to eat on one
things I allowed myself to eat on one
things I allowed myself to eat on one hand
hand
hand pretty much all food was off-limits I
pretty much all food was off-limits I
pretty much all food was off-limits I didn’t think about my friends family the
didn’t think about my friends family the
didn’t think about my friends family the future because all of my time was spent
future because all of my time was spent
future because all of my time was spent calculating every macro and micro
calculating every macro and micro
calculating every macro and micro nutrient that passed my lips as I
nutrient that passed my lips as I
nutrient that passed my lips as I recalculated the calories I had consumed
recalculated the calories I had consumed
recalculated the calories I had consumed within the last minute hour and day I
within the last minute hour and day I
within the last minute hour and day I cried but eventually the tears just
cried but eventually the tears just
cried but eventually the tears just stopped and I couldn’t cry anymore
stopped and I couldn’t cry anymore
stopped and I couldn’t cry anymore I couldn’t smile anymore I was just numb
I couldn’t smile anymore I was just numb
I couldn’t smile anymore I was just numb but what I did worked I lost weight when
but what I did worked I lost weight when
but what I did worked I lost weight when I was 14 I was told that I needed to
I was 14 I was told that I needed to
I was 14 I was told that I needed to gain half my body weight to be healthy
gain half my body weight to be healthy
gain half my body weight to be healthy half of my body weight this was crazy
half of my body weight this was crazy
half of my body weight this was crazy I thought I was healthy everyone else
I thought I was healthy everyone else
I thought I was healthy everyone else was just jealous of me I was the one who
was just jealous of me I was the one who
was just jealous of me I was the one who had it all figured out so I told the
had it all figured out so I told the
had it all figured out so I told the doctors therapists and dieticians that I
doctors therapists and dieticians that I
doctors therapists and dieticians that I would do my best to get better but
would do my best to get better but
would do my best to get better but secretly I congratulated myself on my
secretly I congratulated myself on my
secretly I congratulated myself on my success I will never forget that spring
success I will never forget that spring
success I will never forget that spring afternoon that ECG the day I was told
afternoon that ECG the day I was told
afternoon that ECG the day I was told that my heart could fail my heart rate
that my heart could fail my heart rate
that my heart could fail my heart rate was so low that the doctors thought it
was so low that the doctors thought it
was so low that the doctors thought it could stop beating I was 14 and I
could stop beating I was 14 and I
could stop beating I was 14 and I thought I was going to die but a small
thought I was going to die but a small
thought I was going to die but a small part of me realized that life might be
part of me realized that life might be
part of me realized that life might be worth it it was the first step in
worth it it was the first step in
worth it it was the first step in acknowledging that I had to say
acknowledging that I had to say
acknowledging that I had to say something
something
something recovery was the hardest thing I’ve ever
recovery was the hardest thing I’ve ever
recovery was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do I was ashamed terrified of
had to do I was ashamed terrified of
had to do I was ashamed terrified of being known as that anorexic girl but
being known as that anorexic girl but
being known as that anorexic girl but slowly I gained my life back I could
slowly I gained my life back I could
slowly I gained my life back I could smile again laugh again and I finally
smile again laugh again and I finally
smile again laugh again and I finally found the way out being recovered
found the way out being recovered
found the way out being recovered doesn’t mean that I never struggle but
doesn’t mean that I never struggle but
doesn’t mean that I never struggle but it means that I’ve learned how to cope
it means that I’ve learned how to cope
it means that I’ve learned how to cope with life in other ways than depriving
with life in other ways than depriving
with life in other ways than depriving myself when we feel lost or lonely we
myself when we feel lost or lonely we
myself when we feel lost or lonely we reach the things that make us feel safe
reach the things that make us feel safe
reach the things that make us feel safe my escape from the world may be
my escape from the world may be
my escape from the world may be different to yours it may be the same
different to yours it may be the same
different to yours it may be the same some people turn to drugs alcohol and
some people turn to drugs alcohol and
some people turn to drugs alcohol and other addictions some internalize their
other addictions some internalize their
other addictions some internalize their pain sometimes it’s manifested on other
pain sometimes it’s manifested on other
pain sometimes it’s manifested on other people
people
people some people reach for something that
some people reach for something that
some people reach for something that makes them feel safe someone it can even
makes them feel safe someone it can even
makes them feel safe someone it can even be a person while all of these ways of
be a person while all of these ways of
be a person while all of these ways of dealing with stress or pain can be okay
dealing with stress or pain can be okay
dealing with stress or pain can be okay for a while I realize that they’re only
for a while I realize that they’re only
for a while I realize that they’re only okay until they’re not at one point or
okay until they’re not at one point or
okay until they’re not at one point or another every one of us in this room
another every one of us in this room
another every one of us in this room will go through something hard we have
will go through something hard we have
will go through something hard we have no control over the challenges that we
no control over the challenges that we
no control over the challenges that we will be confronted with but we can
will be confronted with but we can
will be confronted with but we can choose how we react to them so I thought
choose how we react to them so I thought
choose how we react to them so I thought I would share the three things that
I would share the three things that
I would share the three things that helped me to recover
helped me to recover
helped me to recover and truthfully changed my life number
and truthfully changed my life number
and truthfully changed my life number one be vulnerable talk to someone it can
one be vulnerable talk to someone it can
one be vulnerable talk to someone it can be anyone you trust as long as they’re
be anyone you trust as long as they’re
be anyone you trust as long as they’re willing to listen our coping mechanisms
willing to listen our coping mechanisms
willing to listen our coping mechanisms are all different but we tend to hide
are all different but we tend to hide
are all different but we tend to hide our insecurities from the people in the
our insecurities from the people in the
our insecurities from the people in the world around us but I can promise you
world around us but I can promise you
world around us but I can promise you that by telling just one person whatever
that by telling just one person whatever
that by telling just one person whatever you’re going through will seem a little
you’re going through will seem a little
you’re going through will seem a little bit more manageable mental illness
bit more manageable mental illness
bit more manageable mental illness disease divorce divorce death sexuality
disease divorce divorce death sexuality
disease divorce divorce death sexuality these are all things that we can shy
these are all things that we can shy
these are all things that we can shy away from speaking about because they
away from speaking about because they
away from speaking about because they make us feel uncomfortable but what if I
make us feel uncomfortable but what if I
make us feel uncomfortable but what if I said that one in four people will
said that one in four people will
said that one in four people will experience some sort of mental illness
experience some sort of mental illness
experience some sort of mental illness throughout their lifetime what if I said
throughout their lifetime what if I said
throughout their lifetime what if I said that 90% of girls in the average high
that 90% of girls in the average high
that 90% of girls in the average high school have been on some kind of diet so
school have been on some kind of diet so
school have been on some kind of diet so the next time you feel like reaching for
the next time you feel like reaching for
the next time you feel like reaching for that thing that makes you feel safe or
that thing that makes you feel safe or
that thing that makes you feel safe or you feel like not telling anyone they
you feel like not telling anyone they
you feel like not telling anyone they hear just not okay I challenge you to
hear just not okay I challenge you to
hear just not okay I challenge you to tell someone number two be your own best
tell someone number two be your own best
tell someone number two be your own best friend we would never go up to someone
friend we would never go up to someone
friend we would never go up to someone we love and tell them they just weren’t
we love and tell them they just weren’t
we love and tell them they just weren’t good enough I want my friends and family
good enough I want my friends and family
good enough I want my friends and family to know that there isn’t anything I
to know that there isn’t anything I
to know that there isn’t anything I would change about them so let’s do the
would change about them so let’s do the
would change about them so let’s do the same thing for ourselves treat yourself
same thing for ourselves treat yourself
same thing for ourselves treat yourself like you would treat your best friend or
like you would treat your best friend or
like you would treat your best friend or the person you love the most
the person you love the most
the person you love the most the day that you become okay with
the day that you become okay with
the day that you become okay with yourself confident on your own is the
yourself confident on your own is the
yourself confident on your own is the day you stop reaching for that crutch
day you stop reaching for that crutch
day you stop reaching for that crutch that safety blanket that escape number
that safety blanket that escape number
that safety blanket that escape number three know that it will get better if
three know that it will get better if
three know that it will get better if you want it to
you want it to
you want it to I chose recovery because I realized that
I chose recovery because I realized that
I chose recovery because I realized that there is a difference between living and
there is a difference between living and
there is a difference between living and surviving I realized that my life do not
surviving I realized that my life do not
surviving I realized that my life do not have to be defined by numbers my
have to be defined by numbers my
have to be defined by numbers my self-worth is not defined by my weight
self-worth is not defined by my weight
self-worth is not defined by my weight our success is not dependent on our
our success is not dependent on our
our success is not dependent on our academic average our value as people is
academic average our value as people is
academic average our value as people is not measured by the number of likes we
not measured by the number of likes we
not measured by the number of likes we get on
get on
get on gran and our happiness is not reliant on
gran and our happiness is not reliant on
gran and our happiness is not reliant on other people when I was 14 I was told
other people when I was 14 I was told
other people when I was 14 I was told that I needed to gain half my body
that I needed to gain half my body
that I needed to gain half my body weight it took two years
weight it took two years
weight it took two years but it’s the most rewarding thing that
but it’s the most rewarding thing that
but it’s the most rewarding thing that I’ve ever done whatever you have gone
I’ve ever done whatever you have gone
I’ve ever done whatever you have gone through whatever you are going through
through whatever you are going through
through whatever you are going through or whatever you will go through know
or whatever you will go through know
or whatever you will go through know that there will be something good it
that there will be something good it
that there will be something good it took me a long time to realize to being
took me a long time to realize to being
took me a long time to realize to being anorexic doesn’t need to be a secret so
anorexic doesn’t need to be a secret so
anorexic doesn’t need to be a secret so if you haven’t already say something
if you haven’t already say something
if you haven’t already say something because someone is listening thank you
”
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