I’m not a mother a wife nor a subject matter expert on raising children
matter expert on raising children
matter expert on raising children regardless I feel like I have to say
regardless I feel like I have to say
regardless I feel like I have to say this today to my children to our
this today to my children to our
this today to my children to our children the future the destinies and
children the future the destinies and
children the future the destinies and the illusions of life itself so I say
the illusions of life itself so I say
the illusions of life itself so I say this to you today sweetheart
this to you today sweetheart
this to you today sweetheart be you no matter what I say no matter
be you no matter what I say no matter
be you no matter what I say no matter what we say your father and I we love
what we say your father and I we love
what we say your father and I we love you very much but we’re just human
you very much but we’re just human
you very much but we’re just human beings that we make mistakes be inspired
beings that we make mistakes be inspired
beings that we make mistakes be inspired being sweethearts live with joy peace
being sweethearts live with joy peace
being sweethearts live with joy peace compassion and excitement
compassion and excitement
compassion and excitement never fear struggle never fear failure
never fear struggle never fear failure
never fear struggle never fear failure never fear mistakes these are the things
never fear mistakes these are the things
never fear mistakes these are the things which grow you which build your
which grow you which build your
which grow you which build your character be inspired beings go around
character be inspired beings go around
character be inspired beings go around the world make people smile now little
the world make people smile now little
the world make people smile now little ones run wild but be smart use those
ones run wild but be smart use those
ones run wild but be smart use those powerful minds which God gave to you
powerful minds which God gave to you
powerful minds which God gave to you don’t live inside the box live outside
don’t live inside the box live outside
don’t live inside the box live outside of the box pretend that there’s no box
of the box pretend that there’s no box
of the box pretend that there’s no box at all read read read listen listen
at all read read read listen listen
at all read read read listen listen listen these two things will grow you in
listen these two things will grow you in
listen these two things will grow you in ways which you cannot even imagine an
ways which you cannot even imagine an
ways which you cannot even imagine an imagination develop that to tell your
imagination develop that to tell your
imagination develop that to tell your stories because they say every one of
stories because they say every one of
stories because they say every one of the storyteller
the storyteller
the storyteller when you listen to those around you
when you listen to those around you
when you listen to those around you listen with such curiosity that you lose
listen with such curiosity that you lose
listen with such curiosity that you lose yourself inside their stories now little
yourself inside their stories now little
yourself inside their stories now little one run wild but be smart on the topic
one run wild but be smart on the topic
one run wild but be smart on the topic of religion be a Sufi be a Buddhist be a
of religion be a Sufi be a Buddhist be a
of religion be a Sufi be a Buddhist be a kindred spirit it doesn’t matter
kindred spirit it doesn’t matter
kindred spirit it doesn’t matter don’t let religion be a barrier let it
don’t let religion be a barrier let it
don’t let religion be a barrier let it bring you closer to people hug those you
bring you closer to people hug those you
bring you closer to people hug those you know hug those you don’t know hug those
know hug those you don’t know hug those
know hug those you don’t know hug those you want to know hug them so tight and
you want to know hug them so tight and
you want to know hug them so tight and strong that in that moment they lose
strong that in that moment they lose
strong that in that moment they lose themselves let them feel safe in your
themselves let them feel safe in your
themselves let them feel safe in your arm let it be a meditation
arm let it be a meditation
arm let it be a meditation now little ones love love yourself but
now little ones love love yourself but
now little ones love love yourself but love everyone else to fall in love with
love everyone else to fall in love with
love everyone else to fall in love with each and every second each and every
each and every second each and every
each and every second each and every moment remember that we love you too
moment remember that we love you too
moment remember that we love you too whether you become a doctor a lawyer or
whether you become a doctor a lawyer or
whether you become a doctor a lawyer or an accountant whether you become a
an accountant whether you become a
an accountant whether you become a dancer a lyricist or an actor it doesn’t
dancer a lyricist or an actor it doesn’t
dancer a lyricist or an actor it doesn’t matter I just want you to smile giggle
matter I just want you to smile giggle
matter I just want you to smile giggle and look at the wall with optimism love
and look at the wall with optimism love
and look at the wall with optimism love us too but remember you don’t belong to
us too but remember you don’t belong to
us too but remember you don’t belong to us you belong to the world thank you
so I write poetry like this in order to
so I write poetry like this in order to express myself to be really honest with
express myself to be really honest with
express myself to be really honest with all of you I don’t really know how else
all of you I don’t really know how else
all of you I don’t really know how else to show people what’s inside it just
to show people what’s inside it just
to show people what’s inside it just comes out another thing you may know
comes out another thing you may know
comes out another thing you may know about me
about me
about me or may want to know is that I’m always
or may want to know is that I’m always
or may want to know is that I’m always looking for ways to become better
looking for ways to become better
looking for ways to become better versions of myself it’s rare that you
versions of myself it’s rare that you
versions of myself it’s rare that you won’t find me with a book in my hand
won’t find me with a book in my hand
won’t find me with a book in my hand maybe I’m a Buddhist retreat one weekend
maybe I’m a Buddhist retreat one weekend
maybe I’m a Buddhist retreat one weekend maybe our meditation camp I do yoga at
maybe our meditation camp I do yoga at
maybe our meditation camp I do yoga at 5:30 in the morning people think I’m
5:30 in the morning people think I’m
5:30 in the morning people think I’m crazy but I’ve tried everything some of
crazy but I’ve tried everything some of
crazy but I’ve tried everything some of its work some of a husband but what I
its work some of a husband but what I
its work some of a husband but what I realized is that there’s no formula to
realized is that there’s no formula to
realized is that there’s no formula to become better there’s no formula to grow
become better there’s no formula to grow
become better there’s no formula to grow now when I learned that the topic for
now when I learned that the topic for
now when I learned that the topic for today was time it made me think about
today was time it made me think about
today was time it made me think about growing up and what does this really
growing up and what does this really
growing up and what does this really mean
mean
mean it made me think about what does it mean
it made me think about what does it mean
it made me think about what does it mean to be a child what does it mean to be an
to be a child what does it mean to be an
to be a child what does it mean to be an adult what are all of these concepts so
adult what are all of these concepts so
adult what are all of these concepts so I became slightly curious now in my work
I became slightly curious now in my work
I became slightly curious now in my work as a mediator which is basically doing
as a mediator which is basically doing
as a mediator which is basically doing dispute resolution and solving conflicts
dispute resolution and solving conflicts
dispute resolution and solving conflicts outside of the court system I work with
outside of the court system I work with
outside of the court system I work with families I work with couples going
families I work with couples going
families I work with couples going through divorce or separations and
through divorce or separations and
through divorce or separations and usually there are children involved so I
usually there are children involved so I
usually there are children involved so I became an advocate of the voice of the
became an advocate of the voice of the
became an advocate of the voice of the child and child centered mediation I saw
child and child centered mediation I saw
child and child centered mediation I saw children suffering lots of trauma
children suffering lots of trauma
children suffering lots of trauma lots of wounds going through fights and
lots of wounds going through fights and
lots of wounds going through fights and battles which as children to be very
battles which as children to be very
battles which as children to be very honest I don’t think they should have
honest I don’t think they should have
honest I don’t think they should have been going through and what I also saw
been going through and what I also saw
been going through and what I also saw unnoticed was somewhat confusing and
unnoticed was somewhat confusing and
unnoticed was somewhat confusing and baffling during my mediations I saw
baffling during my mediations I saw
baffling during my mediations I saw parents acting like children and
parents acting like children and
parents acting like children and children acting like parents and it made
children acting like parents and it made
children acting like parents and it made me think what’s going on here why are
me think what’s going on here why are
me think what’s going on here why are those parents throwing temper tantrums
those parents throwing temper tantrums
those parents throwing temper tantrums or acting stubborn meanwhile the
or acting stubborn meanwhile the
or acting stubborn meanwhile the children are acting calm and trying to
children are acting calm and trying to
children are acting calm and trying to find ways to figure out solutions or
find ways to figure out solutions or
find ways to figure out solutions or ways to be together so I started looking
ways to be together so I started looking
ways to be together so I started looking into this trying to see what was going
into this trying to see what was going
into this trying to see what was going on what does it really mean to grow up
on what does it really mean to grow up
on what does it really mean to grow up what does it mean to be a child versus
what does it mean to be a child versus
what does it mean to be a child versus being an adult because time and the
being an adult because time and the
being an adult because time and the passage of time doesn’t just make us
passage of time doesn’t just make us
passage of time doesn’t just make us grow up and I’ve seen that in my
grow up and I’ve seen that in my
grow up and I’ve seen that in my mediations so let me take you on a short
mediations so let me take you on a short
mediations so let me take you on a short journey with me
journey with me
journey with me when I was eight years old I came home
when I was eight years old I came home
when I was eight years old I came home from school one day and I opened the
from school one day and I opened the
from school one day and I opened the door and there was a little pink bicycle
door and there was a little pink bicycle
door and there was a little pink bicycle there doesn’t sound like much but for
there doesn’t sound like much but for
there doesn’t sound like much but for one of me was one of my best childhood
one of me was one of my best childhood
one of me was one of my best childhood memories
memories
memories I grabbed the bike I went outside I
I grabbed the bike I went outside I
I grabbed the bike I went outside I cycled I fell over I giggled I you know
cycled I fell over I giggled I you know
cycled I fell over I giggled I you know scraped my knee but I just kept going
scraped my knee but I just kept going
scraped my knee but I just kept going and me and my brother stayed out till
and me and my brother stayed out till
and me and my brother stayed out till till dark
let’s call this child be a town or child
let’s call this child be a town or child ok this child resides within all of us
ok this child resides within all of us
ok this child resides within all of us this is the child that’s giggly
this is the child that’s giggly
this is the child that’s giggly that’s excited you know that you can
that’s excited you know that you can
that’s excited you know that you can give a piece of string to and they’ll be
give a piece of string to and they’ll be
give a piece of string to and they’ll be so excited and happy they’re curious
so excited and happy they’re curious
so excited and happy they’re curious creative and spontaneous so if I use for
creative and spontaneous so if I use for
creative and spontaneous so if I use for a few seconds close your eyes just for
a few seconds close your eyes just for
a few seconds close your eyes just for five seconds think back to one of your
five seconds think back to one of your
five seconds think back to one of your eternal child memories and try me now ok
eternal child memories and try me now ok
eternal child memories and try me now ok I see a couple of smiles in the audience
I see a couple of smiles in the audience
I see a couple of smiles in the audience so I’m glad to know that we all have
so I’m glad to know that we all have
so I’m glad to know that we all have that eternal child within us for me the
that eternal child within us for me the
that eternal child within us for me the eternal child sometimes comes out today
eternal child sometimes comes out today
eternal child sometimes comes out today even though I’m not older than I was
even though I’m not older than I was
even though I’m not older than I was that Eppie when I was eight so the other
that Eppie when I was eight so the other
that Eppie when I was eight so the other day my friend asked me to look after her
day my friend asked me to look after her
day my friend asked me to look after her 10 year old son and I drove over to pick
10 year old son and I drove over to pick
10 year old son and I drove over to pick up pick him up and I begged him to take
up pick him up and I begged him to take
up pick him up and I begged him to take me to the park and to play ball with me
me to the park and to play ball with me
me to the park and to play ball with me like I was four and he asked me am I
like I was four and he asked me am I
like I was four and he asked me am I looking up to you or are you looking
looking up to you or are you looking
looking up to you or are you looking after me and I have to confess I think
after me and I have to confess I think
after me and I have to confess I think he was looking after me to be very
he was looking after me to be very
he was looking after me to be very honest and so I you know that child
honest and so I you know that child
honest and so I you know that child comes out and I’m sure that child comes
comes out and I’m sure that child comes
comes out and I’m sure that child comes out with all of us think that for the
out with all of us think that for the
out with all of us think that for the last time maybe we were acting like you
last time maybe we were acting like you
last time maybe we were acting like you know like excited or career is the
know like excited or career is the
know like excited or career is the spontaneous so let’s put us a child
spontaneous so let’s put us a child
spontaneous so let’s put us a child aside for a second I’ll take you on a
aside for a second I’ll take you on a
aside for a second I’ll take you on a flipside journey when I was 4 I got lost
flipside journey when I was 4 I got lost
flipside journey when I was 4 I got lost in the supermarket it doesn’t really
in the supermarket it doesn’t really
in the supermarket it doesn’t really sound like a big deal right I mean
sound like a big deal right I mean
sound like a big deal right I mean everyone gets lost in the supermarket I
everyone gets lost in the supermarket I
everyone gets lost in the supermarket I actually think it’s probably a great
actually think it’s probably a great
actually think it’s probably a great idea to get free daycare services just
idea to get free daycare services just
idea to get free daycare services just leave them at the supermarket are we
leave them at the supermarket are we
leave them at the supermarket are we fine for a while but actually as a four
fine for a while but actually as a four
fine for a while but actually as a four year old this was extremely traumatic
year old this was extremely traumatic
year old this was extremely traumatic for me I remember walking through the
for me I remember walking through the
for me I remember walking through the aisles and I was crying and I was
aisles and I was crying and I was
aisles and I was crying and I was looking through I swear God with adding
looking through I swear God with adding
looking through I swear God with adding an extra aisle every one that I found
an extra aisle every one that I found
an extra aisle every one that I found and I just could not find my mom I
and I just could not find my mom I
and I just could not find my mom I thought this
thought this
thought this I’m gone I’m an orphan I’ve lost her
I’m gone I’m an orphan I’ve lost her
I’m gone I’m an orphan I’ve lost her she’s abandoned me okay I did find a 10
she’s abandoned me okay I did find a 10
she’s abandoned me okay I did find a 10 minutes later but I mean it was for a
minutes later but I mean it was for a
minutes later but I mean it was for a four-year-old child it was so hard so
four-year-old child it was so hard so
four-year-old child it was so hard so let’s call this child the wounded child
let’s call this child the wounded child
let’s call this child the wounded child so invite you for five seconds just to
so invite you for five seconds just to
so invite you for five seconds just to close your eyes think back in it can be
close your eyes think back in it can be
close your eyes think back in it can be array it can be anything it doesn’t have
array it can be anything it doesn’t have
array it can be anything it doesn’t have to be good bad it can be extreme not
to be good bad it can be extreme not
to be good bad it can be extreme not extreme it something that brings out
extreme it something that brings out
extreme it something that brings out that child in you the wounded child okay
that child in you the wounded child okay
that child in you the wounded child okay so we all have a wounded child too for
so we all have a wounded child too for
so we all have a wounded child too for me the wounded child comes out sometimes
me the wounded child comes out sometimes
me the wounded child comes out sometimes nowadays too so for instance I was in
nowadays too so for instance I was in
nowadays too so for instance I was in the supermarket the other day and I was
the supermarket the other day and I was
the supermarket the other day and I was with my friend and she stepped away for
with my friend and she stepped away for
with my friend and she stepped away for a couple of seconds to go and buy
a couple of seconds to go and buy
a couple of seconds to go and buy something and all of a sudden I felt
something and all of a sudden I felt
something and all of a sudden I felt like a four-year-old child again I was
like a four-year-old child again I was
like a four-year-old child again I was emotional I was like anxious I was
emotional I was like anxious I was
emotional I was like anxious I was running around looking for her meanwhile
running around looking for her meanwhile
running around looking for her meanwhile her ten-year-old niece was running
her ten-year-old niece was running
her ten-year-old niece was running around the shop like there was fairies
around the shop like there was fairies
around the shop like there was fairies in there or something and I was like
in there or something and I was like
in there or something and I was like about to cry I felt abandoned by my own
about to cry I felt abandoned by my own
about to cry I felt abandoned by my own friend as an adult and it really made me
friend as an adult and it really made me
friend as an adult and it really made me start thinking what is going on here
start thinking what is going on here
start thinking what is going on here what what is happening and I started to
what what is happening and I started to
what what is happening and I started to think that in society today what I
think that in society today what I
think that in society today what I fundamentally believe is we do things
fundamentally believe is we do things
fundamentally believe is we do things backwards our eternal child is
backwards our eternal child is
backwards our eternal child is suppressed so sit down stand up don’t
suppressed so sit down stand up don’t
suppressed so sit down stand up don’t wear this don’t whistle don’t laughter
wear this don’t whistle don’t laughter
wear this don’t whistle don’t laughter we’re always being told what not to do
we’re always being told what not to do
we’re always being told what not to do and usually that’s why we’re eternal
and usually that’s why we’re eternal
and usually that’s why we’re eternal child being surprised even as children
child being surprised even as children
child being surprised even as children we get told these things and so we learn
we get told these things and so we learn
we get told these things and so we learn in society to contain that inner excited
in society to contain that inner excited
in society to contain that inner excited spontaneous child now on the other hand
spontaneous child now on the other hand
spontaneous child now on the other hand our wounded child tends to just come out
our wounded child tends to just come out
our wounded child tends to just come out right so it just goes unregulated think
right so it just goes unregulated think
right so it just goes unregulated think about the last time you were told you’re
about the last time you were told you’re
about the last time you were told you’re acting like a child I’ve been told I’m
acting like a child I’ve been told I’m
acting like a child I’ve been told I’m acting like a child during arguments in
acting like a child during arguments in
acting like a child during arguments in conversation it happens all the time and
conversation it happens all the time and
conversation it happens all the time and it’s possible that we actually were
it’s possible that we actually were
it’s possible that we actually were acting like children now there are a few
acting like children now there are a few
acting like children now there are a few through sin this world with a capital T
through sin this world with a capital T
through sin this world with a capital T one of them is that the Sun will rise
one of them is that the Sun will rise
one of them is that the Sun will rise tomorrow so no matter what we do the Sun
tomorrow so no matter what we do the Sun
tomorrow so no matter what we do the Sun will rise tomorrow too
will rise tomorrow too
will rise tomorrow too we’ll all die unfortunate or fortunate
we’ll all die unfortunate or fortunate
we’ll all die unfortunate or fortunate unless anyone has a secret potion you
unless anyone has a secret potion you
unless anyone has a secret potion you can let me know after we’ll both be very
can let me know after we’ll both be very
can let me know after we’ll both be very rich
rich
rich we’re all good we’re all gonna die and
we’re all good we’re all gonna die and
we’re all good we’re all gonna die and the third thing is we were all born and
the third thing is we were all born and
the third thing is we were all born and therefore we all had a childhood whether
therefore we all had a childhood whether
therefore we all had a childhood whether we’re a grandmother a CEO our own
we’re a grandmother a CEO our own
we’re a grandmother a CEO our own parents had childhood a street cleaner
parents had childhood a street cleaner
parents had childhood a street cleaner everyone and that’s one thing that
everyone and that’s one thing that
everyone and that’s one thing that unites us even Angela Merkel who looks
unites us even Angela Merkel who looks
unites us even Angela Merkel who looks today to be you know not not like an ISO
today to be you know not not like an ISO
today to be you know not not like an ISO child used to be a little girl one day
child used to be a little girl one day
child used to be a little girl one day you know we all have that childhood and
you know we all have that childhood and
you know we all have that childhood and we need to recognize that within
we need to recognize that within
we need to recognize that within ourselves and within everyone else too
ourselves and within everyone else too
ourselves and within everyone else too so in my further research I started
so in my further research I started
so in my further research I started looking what’s going on here it seems
looking what’s going on here it seems
looking what’s going on here it seems like there was just one met emotional
like there was just one met emotional
like there was just one met emotional needs that we didn’t get as children and
needs that we didn’t get as children and
needs that we didn’t get as children and as we’ve grown up either they still
as we’ve grown up either they still
as we’ve grown up either they still weren’t met or we just couldn’t find
weren’t met or we just couldn’t find
weren’t met or we just couldn’t find ways to meet them so our children just
ways to meet them so our children just
ways to meet them so our children just come out now when I was doing further
come out now when I was doing further
come out now when I was doing further research I stumbled across this
research I stumbled across this
research I stumbled across this beautiful concept called repairing thing
beautiful concept called repairing thing
beautiful concept called repairing thing now what re parenting means in the
now what re parenting means in the
now what re parenting means in the therapeutic context is taking a
therapeutic context is taking a
therapeutic context is taking a therapist and changing the way you
therapist and changing the way you
therapist and changing the way you interact with your new pseudo parent and
interact with your new pseudo parent and
interact with your new pseudo parent and become and creating a new parent and a
become and creating a new parent and a
become and creating a new parent and a new relationship what I proposed today
new relationship what I proposed today
new relationship what I proposed today is that we actually find ways to repair
is that we actually find ways to repair
is that we actually find ways to repair in ourselves so find that inner mother
in ourselves so find that inner mother
in ourselves so find that inner mother and inner father within ourselves the
and inner father within ourselves the
and inner father within ourselves the best thing about this is we can actually
best thing about this is we can actually
best thing about this is we can actually take them everywhere with us right I
take them everywhere with us right I
take them everywhere with us right I can’t take my therapist everywhere if I
can’t take my therapist everywhere if I
can’t take my therapist everywhere if I have one but I can take that with me
have one but I can take that with me
have one but I can take that with me I can change my inner self talk what
I can change my inner self talk what
I can change my inner self talk what does this look like why did I choose to
does this look like why did I choose to
does this look like why did I choose to repair myself it’s not about good or bad
repair myself it’s not about good or bad
repair myself it’s not about good or bad parenting it’s just the reality of human
parenting it’s just the reality of human
parenting it’s just the reality of human nature and human imperfections we all
nature and human imperfections we all
nature and human imperfections we all have these unmet emotional needs so for
have these unmet emotional needs so for
have these unmet emotional needs so for example what I learned and I was in
example what I learned and I was in
example what I learned and I was in India a couple of years ago and I was in
India a couple of years ago and I was in
India a couple of years ago and I was in this yoga session and they said access
this yoga session and they said access
this yoga session and they said access your inner child I thought what are you
your inner child I thought what are you
your inner child I thought what are you talking about she said access your inner
talking about she said access your inner
talking about she said access your inner child and give her a hug so I thought
child and give her a hug so I thought
child and give her a hug so I thought okay I’ll give her a hug
okay I’ll give her a hug
okay I’ll give her a hug all right so by hugging myself bit weird
all right so by hugging myself bit weird
all right so by hugging myself bit weird I kind of really got into it and I
I kind of really got into it and I
I kind of really got into it and I hugged my I hugged my inner child my
hugged my I hugged my inner child my
hugged my I hugged my inner child my real inner child and I cried and it was
real inner child and I cried and it was
real inner child and I cried and it was the strangest feeling and I encourage
the strangest feeling and I encourage
the strangest feeling and I encourage everybody to go home and do
everybody to go home and do
everybody to go home and do hug your inner child pat him or her on
hug your inner child pat him or her on
hug your inner child pat him or her on the back tell her it will be okay tell
the back tell her it will be okay tell
the back tell her it will be okay tell her you did well whatever you did in
her you did well whatever you did in
her you did well whatever you did in school because at the end of the day
school because at the end of the day
school because at the end of the day it’s possible that we might not hear
it’s possible that we might not hear
it’s possible that we might not hear those things that we actually wanted to
those things that we actually wanted to
those things that we actually wanted to hear all that we still want to hear
hear all that we still want to hear
hear all that we still want to hear right we’re still all growing we’re
right we’re still all growing we’re
right we’re still all growing we’re still all children our parents are still
still all children our parents are still
still all children our parents are still children too so it’s never too late to
children too so it’s never too late to
children too so it’s never too late to have a chappie happy childhood unless
have a chappie happy childhood unless
have a chappie happy childhood unless anyone has a time machine we can’t
anyone has a time machine we can’t
anyone has a time machine we can’t actually go back right we have to
actually go back right we have to
actually go back right we have to actually do it now and that’s what I
actually do it now and that’s what I
actually do it now and that’s what I propose is that we actually find ways to
propose is that we actually find ways to
propose is that we actually find ways to bring it into our life so what I
bring it into our life so what I
bring it into our life so what I encourage everyone to do and what I hope
encourage everyone to do and what I hope
encourage everyone to do and what I hope everybody takes away from today is that
everybody takes away from today is that
everybody takes away from today is that we should inspire and bring out our
we should inspire and bring out our
we should inspire and bring out our eternal child heal our wounded child
eternal child heal our wounded child
eternal child heal our wounded child find ways to repair it ourselves and we
find ways to repair it ourselves and we
find ways to repair it ourselves and we can become better versions of ourselves
can become better versions of ourselves
can become better versions of ourselves because we don’t belong to anybody we
because we don’t belong to anybody we
because we don’t belong to anybody we belong to the world thank you
belong to the world thank you
belong to the world thank you [Applause]
”
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