Retirement: from foreboding to fulfillment | Brendan Murray | TEDxDrogheda

have you ever felt like you’re nobody

have you ever felt like you’re nobody you’re invisible well that’s a little

you’re invisible well that’s a little

you’re invisible well that’s a little bit like how I felt when I retired

bit like how I felt when I retired

bit like how I felt when I retired recently why was that well quite simply

recently why was that well quite simply

recently why was that well quite simply my identity had been killed off now I

my identity had been killed off now I

my identity had been killed off now I had worked in the computer industry for

had worked in the computer industry for

had worked in the computer industry for almost four decades and in that time my

almost four decades and in that time my

almost four decades and in that time my career was a reference point and I

career was a reference point and I

career was a reference point and I identified very much with what I what I

identified very much with what I what I

identified very much with what I what I did for a living it was a pretty good

did for a living it was a pretty good

did for a living it was a pretty good career

career

career I traveled all over the world I worked

I traveled all over the world I worked

I traveled all over the world I worked with some amazing people developed

with some amazing people developed

with some amazing people developed software that was used by literally

software that was used by literally

software that was used by literally millions of customers and I constantly

millions of customers and I constantly

millions of customers and I constantly learned new things and new skills and in

learned new things and new skills and in

learned new things and new skills and in step with the developments and

step with the developments and

step with the developments and technology and I thought of course that

technology and I thought of course that

technology and I thought of course that I was very well prepared for all this

I was very well prepared for all this

I was very well prepared for all this retirement but when retirement came

retirement but when retirement came

retirement but when retirement came along all of this vanished but in my

along all of this vanished but in my

along all of this vanished but in my preparation retirement I went on a pre

preparation retirement I went on a pre

preparation retirement I went on a pre retirement course and there they told me

retirement course and there they told me

retirement course and there they told me a few things about you know the

a few things about you know the

a few things about you know the practicalities and so on and didn’t

practicalities and so on and didn’t

practicalities and so on and didn’t really emphasize the fact that once I

really emphasize the fact that once I

really emphasize the fact that once I retired my the impact of losing my

retired my the impact of losing my

retired my the impact of losing my identity could be a p-n issue

identity could be a p-n issue

identity could be a p-n issue I also had some fairly interesting

I also had some fairly interesting

I also had some fairly interesting hobbies I keep bees and you know as an

hobbies I keep bees and you know as an

hobbies I keep bees and you know as an example when I when I first started that

example when I when I first started that

example when I when I first started that the day after I got my bees I opened the

the day after I got my bees I opened the

the day after I got my bees I opened the hive and promptly killed the Queen

hive and promptly killed the Queen

hive and promptly killed the Queen I’ve improved a little bit since then

I’ve improved a little bit since then

I’ve improved a little bit since then but I have a lot to learn yes and and so

but I have a lot to learn yes and and so

but I have a lot to learn yes and and so before I become good I need to learn an

before I become good I need to learn an

before I become good I need to learn an awful lot more I also have fish and I

awful lot more I also have fish and I

awful lot more I also have fish and I remember the very first fish I caught

remember the very first fish I caught

remember the very first fish I caught that was about four years old and I was

that was about four years old and I was

that was about four years old and I was about this big

about this big

about this big but me it was a whale and ever since no

but me it was a whale and ever since no

but me it was a whale and ever since no matter how big a fish I catch it’s not

matter how big a fish I catch it’s not

matter how big a fish I catch it’s not quite the same but and I’m not quite

quite the same but and I’m not quite

quite the same but and I’m not quite sure who was better hope that fish are

sure who was better hope that fish are

sure who was better hope that fish are me because I’m still at it all these

me because I’m still at it all these

me because I’m still at it all these years later and I also have retained my

years later and I also have retained my

years later and I also have retained my passion for the technology and you know

passion for the technology and you know

passion for the technology and you know I have a lot of little projects that I’m

I have a lot of little projects that I’m

I have a lot of little projects that I’m interested in completing in fact I’ve

interested in completing in fact I’ve

interested in completing in fact I’ve got one that combines the B’s and the

got one that combines the B’s and the

got one that combines the B’s and the technology where I have instrumented the

technology where I have instrumented the

technology where I have instrumented the the hives in the garden with temperature

the hives in the garden with temperature

the hives in the garden with temperature and humidity sensors and cameras and you

and humidity sensors and cameras and you

and humidity sensors and cameras and you know so it’s a really geeky sort of a

know so it’s a really geeky sort of a

know so it’s a really geeky sort of a couple of beehives there but the the

couple of beehives there but the the

couple of beehives there but the the problem was that I was not as well

problem was that I was not as well

problem was that I was not as well prepared as I expected and I went I felt

prepared as I expected and I went I felt

prepared as I expected and I went I felt this loss of identity and went through

this loss of identity and went through

this loss of identity and went through the basically the five stages of grief

the basically the five stages of grief

the basically the five stages of grief so first it was denial where I changed

so first it was denial where I changed

so first it was denial where I changed my LinkedIn profile to say that I was

my LinkedIn profile to say that I was

my LinkedIn profile to say that I was considering my options and I told people

considering my options and I told people

considering my options and I told people that I take an early retirement as

that I take an early retirement as

that I take an early retirement as though that wasn’t a real retirement

though that wasn’t a real retirement

though that wasn’t a real retirement then moved into anger and I’ve said to

then moved into anger and I’ve said to

then moved into anger and I’ve said to myself that was a really stupid thing to

myself that was a really stupid thing to

myself that was a really stupid thing to do you know you could have stayed on

do you know you could have stayed on

do you know you could have stayed on there for a few years and you know I

there for a few years and you know I

there for a few years and you know I felt like this was a another fine mess I

felt like this was a another fine mess I

felt like this was a another fine mess I got myself into but then I moved on to

got myself into but then I moved on to

got myself into but then I moved on to bargaining and I thought to myself maybe

bargaining and I thought to myself maybe

bargaining and I thought to myself maybe I could go back to work but then I

I could go back to work but then I

I could go back to work but then I thought well you know maybe I could

thought well you know maybe I could

thought well you know maybe I could start up my own company and I choose

start up my own company and I choose

start up my own company and I choose dutifully signed up for a start your own

dutifully signed up for a start your own

dutifully signed up for a start your own business course and this was probably

business course and this was probably

business course and this was probably one of the biggest surprises my friends

one of the biggest surprises my friends

one of the biggest surprises my friends and ex colleagues and even government

and ex colleagues and even government

and ex colleagues and even government agencies came rushing out to offer me

agencies came rushing out to offer me

agencies came rushing out to offer me help and support and but I’m not

help and support and but I’m not

help and support and but I’m not convinced I want to commit to such such

convinced I want to commit to such such

convinced I want to commit to such such a big undertaking I mean the the hours

a big undertaking I mean the the hours

a big undertaking I mean the the hours long hours and

long hours and

long hours and weekends and so on involves and building

weekends and so on involves and building

weekends and so on involves and building up a start over there you know pretty

up a start over there you know pretty

up a start over there you know pretty pretty heavy-duty so you know then after

pretty heavy-duty so you know then after

pretty heavy-duty so you know then after that then I went into the traditional a

that then I went into the traditional a

that then I went into the traditional a depression which was just you know I

depression which was just you know I

depression which was just you know I felt like goodness what on earth am I

felt like goodness what on earth am I

felt like goodness what on earth am I going to do I’m stuck at this and it’s

going to do I’m stuck at this and it’s

going to do I’m stuck at this and it’s probably what motivates me to come along

probably what motivates me to come along

probably what motivates me to come along and speak here tonight and then finally

and speak here tonight and then finally

and speak here tonight and then finally into acceptance so now I have an

into acceptance so now I have an

into acceptance so now I have an enormous amount of free time far more

enormous amount of free time far more

enormous amount of free time far more than I ever had over the past forty

than I ever had over the past forty

than I ever had over the past forty years and and I have the freedom to do

years and and I have the freedom to do

years and and I have the freedom to do whatever I want to do so that’s a big

whatever I want to do so that’s a big

whatever I want to do so that’s a big step forward but um and the thing is

step forward but um and the thing is

step forward but um and the thing is that I’m not alone in this and this is

that I’m not alone in this and this is

that I’m not alone in this and this is quite a common thing that I mean if you

quite a common thing that I mean if you

quite a common thing that I mean if you look on the web you see people who are

look on the web you see people who are

look on the web you see people who are who have a problem with the separation

who have a problem with the separation

who have a problem with the separation from their identity after work and I

from their identity after work and I

from their identity after work and I have to ask why did I make that that’s

have to ask why did I make that that’s

have to ask why did I make that that’s connection between identity and work why

connection between identity and work why

connection between identity and work why was it that I saw myself as the computer

was it that I saw myself as the computer

was it that I saw myself as the computer guy rather than the guy who worked for a

guy rather than the guy who worked for a

guy rather than the guy who worked for a computer company some why I chose what I

computer company some why I chose what I

computer company some why I chose what I did rather than who I was and the reason

did rather than who I was and the reason

did rather than who I was and the reason is quite simply is that is that society

is quite simply is that is that society

is quite simply is that is that society values doing things society values being

values doing things society values being

values doing things society values being productive and of course but

productive and of course but

productive and of course but automatically lends you to to put your

automatically lends you to to put your

automatically lends you to to put your your works or the front and center and

your works or the front and center and

your works or the front and center and your worlds tends then to revolve around

your worlds tends then to revolve around

your worlds tends then to revolve around your work and of course once you retire

your work and of course once you retire

your work and of course once you retire that productivity goes and that sense of

that productivity goes and that sense of

that productivity goes and that sense of worth goals

worth goals

worth goals so now that I’ve retired I’m I a lesser

so now that I’ve retired I’m I a lesser

so now that I’ve retired I’m I a lesser being have I you know and I somehow less

being have I you know and I somehow less

being have I you know and I somehow less value to society and of course when I

value to society and of course when I

value to society and of course when I talk to someone and say they’ll ever

talk to someone and say they’ll ever

talk to someone and say they’ll ever charged this societal judgment kicks in

charged this societal judgment kicks in

charged this societal judgment kicks in and they come with some sort of

and they come with some sort of

and they come with some sort of platitudes like oh good for you or I

platitudes like oh good for you or I

platitudes like oh good for you or I wish I was but don’t they torch they

wish I was but don’t they torch they

wish I was but don’t they torch they really does

so what is the fix and then of course

so what is the fix and then of course there is a simple fix and that is that

there is a simple fix and that is that

there is a simple fix and that is that you have to pick something that gives

you have to pick something that gives

you have to pick something that gives you a sense of achievement and build on

you a sense of achievement and build on

you a sense of achievement and build on that something it makes you feel like a

that something it makes you feel like a

that something it makes you feel like a job well done when the when you were

job well done when the when you were

job well done when the when you were were when you were in the workforce and

were when you were in the workforce and

were when you were in the workforce and so where does that come from so all

so where does that come from so all

so where does that come from so all these questions arise so Who am I where

these questions arise so Who am I where

these questions arise so Who am I where where do I get the motivation for some

where do I get the motivation for some

where do I get the motivation for some new identities and where does it come

new identities and where does it come

new identities and where does it come from and how do I create it and so the

from and how do I create it and so the

from and how do I create it and so the the easiest thing to do is to pick

the easiest thing to do is to pick

the easiest thing to do is to pick something that you’re passionate about

something that you’re passionate about

something that you’re passionate about something you believe in and you know

something you believe in and you know

something you believe in and you know there might be a hobby or it could be

there might be a hobby or it could be

there might be a hobby or it could be you know whatever ends that that

you know whatever ends that that

you know whatever ends that that something you like doing when you were

something you like doing when you were

something you like doing when you were working that didn’t feel like work it

working that didn’t feel like work it

working that didn’t feel like work it could be something you enjoy doing all

could be something you enjoy doing all

could be something you enjoy doing all the time but you know something and of

the time but you know something and of

the time but you know something and of course for some people doing absolutely

course for some people doing absolutely

course for some people doing absolutely nothing is the perfect solution then if

nothing is the perfect solution then if

nothing is the perfect solution then if you can’t think of something to do you

you can’t think of something to do you

you can’t think of something to do you can base it off and you know you’ve

can base it off and you know you’ve

can base it off and you know you’ve spent years building skills and building

spent years building skills and building

spent years building skills and building expertise in some particular fees or

expertise in some particular fees or

expertise in some particular fees or maybe multiple fields and these are

maybe multiple fields and these are

maybe multiple fields and these are useful to other people in your community

useful to other people in your community

useful to other people in your community you can teach you can mentor you can

you can teach you can mentor you can

you can teach you can mentor you can volunteer but you know you can build

volunteer but you know you can build

volunteer but you know you can build something based on based on the past

something based on based on the past

something based on based on the past something new.this roots back in your in

something new.this roots back in your in

something new.this roots back in your in your experience have you ever regretted

your experience have you ever regretted

your experience have you ever regretted not doing something when you were young

not doing something when you were young

not doing something when you were young did you have some passions that were

did you have some passions that were

did you have some passions that were that you never followed up on in fact

that you never followed up on in fact

that you never followed up on in fact when you were a child they said follow

when you were a child they said follow

when you were a child they said follow your dreams so now’s your opportunity

your dreams so now’s your opportunity

your dreams so now’s your opportunity but the thing is that you have to be

but the thing is that you have to be

but the thing is that you have to be selfish you have to say you know this

selfish you have to say you know this

selfish you have to say you know this this is something that you want to do

this is something that you want to do

this is something that you want to do something that’s that interests you

something that’s that interests you

something that’s that interests you something that will give you a as

something that will give you a as

something that will give you a as something to do moving on into the

something to do moving on into the

something to do moving on into the future so for me what I did was I’ve

future so for me what I did was I’ve

future so for me what I did was I’ve I’ve obviously gonna continue with my

I’ve obviously gonna continue with my

I’ve obviously gonna continue with my B’s in fact last last week in fact

B’s in fact last last week in fact

B’s in fact last last week in fact recently as I set up a new apiary in a

recently as I set up a new apiary in a

recently as I set up a new apiary in a very idyllic spot with

very idyllic spot with

very idyllic spot with sunflower fields and guarded by a couple

sunflower fields and guarded by a couple

sunflower fields and guarded by a couple of alpacas which is pretty unusual and

of alpacas which is pretty unusual and

of alpacas which is pretty unusual and but I’m continue with that and I’m

but I’m continue with that and I’m

but I’m continue with that and I’m actually going to take the the senior

actually going to take the the senior

actually going to take the the senior beekeeping exams this year or next year

beekeeping exams this year or next year

beekeeping exams this year or next year I’m studying for them now am i fishing

I’m studying for them now am i fishing

I’m studying for them now am i fishing well I I’ve already booked a fishing

well I I’ve already booked a fishing

well I I’ve already booked a fishing trip to the Arctic in the summertime

trip to the Arctic in the summertime

trip to the Arctic in the summertime it’s a lot warmer than that and I’m

it’s a lot warmer than that and I’m

it’s a lot warmer than that and I’m going to continue I’m going to make sure

going to continue I’m going to make sure

going to continue I’m going to make sure that that bee spy thing is is properly

that that bee spy thing is is properly

that that bee spy thing is is properly completed and I’m also going to continue

completed and I’m also going to continue

completed and I’m also going to continue I’ve decided I’m going to continue maybe

I’ve decided I’m going to continue maybe

I’ve decided I’m going to continue maybe with this this whole idea of a start up

with this this whole idea of a start up

with this this whole idea of a start up and see where that leads but for you

and see where that leads but for you

and see where that leads but for you know for anybody else it’s up to you you

know for anybody else it’s up to you you

know for anybody else it’s up to you you now have the freedom to make your

now have the freedom to make your

now have the freedom to make your decisions to decide what to do and so

decisions to decide what to do and so

decisions to decide what to do and so the thing to remember is a in the words

the thing to remember is a in the words

the thing to remember is a in the words of CS Lewis you’re never too old to set

of CS Lewis you’re never too old to set

of CS Lewis you’re never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream thank

a new goal or dream a new dream thank

a new goal or dream a new dream thank you

you

you [Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] [Music]

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[Music] you