I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that every single person in this room is
that every single person in this room is
that every single person in this room is entitled in some way and I’m gonna go
entitled in some way and I’m gonna go
entitled in some way and I’m gonna go even further out on that limb and say
even further out on that limb and say
even further out on that limb and say that that statement probably makes you
that that statement probably makes you
that that statement probably makes you pretty uncomfortable because when you
pretty uncomfortable because when you
pretty uncomfortable because when you think of entitlement you think of
think of entitlement you think of
think of entitlement you think of spoiled rich kids and whining teenagers
spoiled rich kids and whining teenagers
spoiled rich kids and whining teenagers things that you don’t really want to be
things that you don’t really want to be
things that you don’t really want to be associated with the word carries so much
associated with the word carries so much
associated with the word carries so much negative power but when it comes down to
negative power but when it comes down to
negative power but when it comes down to it feeling entitled just means that you
it feeling entitled just means that you
it feeling entitled just means that you feel like you are deserving of certain
feel like you are deserving of certain
feel like you are deserving of certain things and what if we could take that
things and what if we could take that
things and what if we could take that word and its current reality in our
word and its current reality in our
word and its current reality in our culture and make it something that is
culture and make it something that is
culture and make it something that is powerful in a positive way now I wanted
powerful in a positive way now I wanted
powerful in a positive way now I wanted to talk about this today because my
to talk about this today because my
to talk about this today because my generation kind of got screwed when it
generation kind of got screwed when it
generation kind of got screwed when it comes to entitlement there are a lot of
comes to entitlement there are a lot of
comes to entitlement there are a lot of people who are entitled in the negative
people who are entitled in the negative
people who are entitled in the negative sense of the word and older folks really
sense of the word and older folks really
sense of the word and older folks really like to complain about it but what they
like to complain about it but what they
like to complain about it but what they don’t see is that we weren’t born this
don’t see is that we weren’t born this
don’t see is that we weren’t born this way we were raised this way generational
way we were raised this way generational
way we were raised this way generational differences are the clearest
differences are the clearest
differences are the clearest manifestation of cultural change no one
manifestation of cultural change no one
manifestation of cultural change no one is born feeling like they’re deserving
is born feeling like they’re deserving
is born feeling like they’re deserving of anything but they’re given things and
of anything but they’re given things and
of anything but they’re given things and told things and they built up
told things and they built up
told things and they built up expectations of what they feel is normal
expectations of what they feel is normal
expectations of what they feel is normal and what they should have yes we’ve been
and what they should have yes we’ve been
and what they should have yes we’ve been given iPhones and the most incredible
given iPhones and the most incredible
given iPhones and the most incredible technology that the world has ever seen
technology that the world has ever seen
technology that the world has ever seen but the same is true for every
but the same is true for every
but the same is true for every generation before us before phones there
generation before us before phones there
generation before us before phones there were computers cars the wheel you get
were computers cars the wheel you get
were computers cars the wheel you get what I’m saying but what’s special about
what I’m saying but what’s special about
what I’m saying but what’s special about my generation is that we have been told
my generation is that we have been told
my generation is that we have been told that we can do anything we want we’ve
that we can do anything we want we’ve
that we can do anything we want we’ve been told to follow our dreams and
been told to follow our dreams and
been told to follow our dreams and believe in ourself that we are
believe in ourself that we are
believe in ourself that we are incredible and we are special and
incredible and we are special and
incredible and we are special and because of that we have created special
because of that we have created special
because of that we have created special futures for ourselves with influence
futures for ourselves with influence
futures for ourselves with influence from the media that feeds us the
from the media that feeds us the
from the media that feeds us the extravagant lives of celebrities and
extravagant lives of celebrities and
extravagant lives of celebrities and even just by looking around at the
even just by looking around at the
even just by looking around at the incredible people in our area and so we
incredible people in our area and so we
incredible people in our area and so we have we feel like we’re entitled and
have we feel like we’re entitled and
have we feel like we’re entitled and expected to have these perfectly
expected to have these perfectly
expected to have these perfectly balanced lives of famous success and
balanced lives of famous success and
balanced lives of famous success and fortune and anyone or anything that gets
fortune and anyone or anything that gets
fortune and anyone or anything that gets in our way will feel the wrath and
in our way will feel the wrath and
in our way will feel the wrath and that’s where you get this negative
that’s where you get this negative
that’s where you get this negative entitlement where you get people who are
entitlement where you get people who are
entitlement where you get people who are so angry and defensive when things don’t
so angry and defensive when things don’t
so angry and defensive when things don’t go their way we have such high
go their way we have such high
go their way we have such high expectations for ourselves and put so
expectations for ourselves and put so
expectations for ourselves and put so much pressure on ourselves and we can
much pressure on ourselves and we can
much pressure on ourselves and we can lose sight
lose sight
lose sight the things that are really important in
the things that are really important in
the things that are really important in life every test and every application
life every test and every application
life every test and every application becomes that next step to our perfect
becomes that next step to our perfect
becomes that next step to our perfect future life and it’s it’s easy to let
future life and it’s it’s easy to let
future life and it’s it’s easy to let the little ultimately insignificant
the little ultimately insignificant
the little ultimately insignificant things become the end of the world
things become the end of the world
things become the end of the world and we live in this world in which
and we live in this world in which
and we live in this world in which housing prices have outpaced inflation
housing prices have outpaced inflation
housing prices have outpaced inflation and college substances and job offers
and college substances and job offers
and college substances and job offers are increasingly rare and so little
are increasingly rare and so little
are increasingly rare and so little things can get bigger like if I do
things can get bigger like if I do
things can get bigger like if I do poorly on this test that means that I’m
poorly on this test that means that I’m
poorly on this test that means that I’m gonna get a bad grade in this class and
gonna get a bad grade in this class and
gonna get a bad grade in this class and then I’ll have a bad GPA and with a bad
then I’ll have a bad GPA and with a bad
then I’ll have a bad GPA and with a bad GPA then I’m not gonna get into a fancy
GPA then I’m not gonna get into a fancy
GPA then I’m not gonna get into a fancy college without this fancy college then
college without this fancy college then
college without this fancy college then I’m not gonna be able to get a job and
I’m not gonna be able to get a job and
I’m not gonna be able to get a job and I’m not gonna make any money I’m not
I’m not gonna make any money I’m not
I’m not gonna make any money I’m not gonna have a house and then I’m gonna
gonna have a house and then I’m gonna
gonna have a house and then I’m gonna live on the streets and I’m gonna job so
live on the streets and I’m gonna job so
live on the streets and I’m gonna job so it’s pretty easy to go to a dark place
it’s pretty easy to go to a dark place
it’s pretty easy to go to a dark place and that’s where my generation can run
and that’s where my generation can run
and that’s where my generation can run into trouble because disappointment
into trouble because disappointment
into trouble because disappointment after disappointment that kind of
after disappointment that kind of
after disappointment that kind of negative spiral gets in our head and
negative spiral gets in our head and
negative spiral gets in our head and that’s where that this feeling that
that’s where that this feeling that
that’s where that this feeling that we’re entitled to a certain a path in
we’re entitled to a certain a path in
we’re entitled to a certain a path in life can lead us down a path of
life can lead us down a path of
life can lead us down a path of depression and anxiety according to Jean
depression and anxiety according to Jean
depression and anxiety according to Jean 21 to 2% of Americans born before 1915
21 to 2% of Americans born before 1915
21 to 2% of Americans born before 1915 experienced a depressive episode during
experienced a depressive episode during
experienced a depressive episode during their lifetimes even though they lived
their lifetimes even though they lived
their lifetimes even though they lived through the Great Depression and two
through the Great Depression and two
through the Great Depression and two world wars today the lifetime rate of
world wars today the lifetime rate of
world wars today the lifetime rate of major depression is 10 times higher
major depression is 10 times higher
major depression is 10 times higher between 15 and 20 percent and that
between 15 and 20 percent and that
between 15 and 20 percent and that increase isn’t a fluke it’s not an
increase isn’t a fluke it’s not an
increase isn’t a fluke it’s not an increase in the reporting of mental
increase in the reporting of mental
increase in the reporting of mental health issues it’s a sign that there has
health issues it’s a sign that there has
health issues it’s a sign that there has been a significant change in our culture
been a significant change in our culture
been a significant change in our culture in the last century now part of that
in the last century now part of that
in the last century now part of that change is that we have been told that we
change is that we have been told that we
change is that we have been told that we can do anything and that’s transformed
can do anything and that’s transformed
can do anything and that’s transformed into a feeling that we should be able to
into a feeling that we should be able to
into a feeling that we should be able to do anything but what happens when we
do anything but what happens when we
do anything but what happens when we can’t we have high expectations and a
can’t we have high expectations and a
can’t we have high expectations and a sense of entitlement to those
sense of entitlement to those
sense of entitlement to those expectations plus living in a
expectations plus living in a
expectations plus living in a competitive and sometimes unforgiving
competitive and sometimes unforgiving
competitive and sometimes unforgiving world you’re going to have
world you’re going to have
world you’re going to have disappointment and sometimes there’s a
disappointment and sometimes there’s a
disappointment and sometimes there’s a lot of it and when that disappointment
lot of it and when that disappointment
lot of it and when that disappointment isn’t dealt with properly it’s easily to
isn’t dealt with properly it’s easily to
isn’t dealt with properly it’s easily to find yourself down sliding down a
find yourself down sliding down a
find yourself down sliding down a slippery slope of self-loathing because
slippery slope of self-loathing because
slippery slope of self-loathing because who can help from blaming the bad things
who can help from blaming the bad things
who can help from blaming the bad things that happen in their life on themselves
that happen in their life on themselves
that happen in their life on themselves and this is especially relevant for my
and this is especially relevant for my
and this is especially relevant for my generation because of the culture of
generation because of the culture of
generation because of the culture of individualism that we have grown up in
individualism that we have grown up in
individualism that we have grown up in we have been given so much control over
we have been given so much control over
we have been given so much control over ourselves what we wear how
ourselves what we wear how
ourselves what we wear how speak what we watch and do we’ve been
speak what we watch and do we’ve been
speak what we watch and do we’ve been given a lot of freedom and with that
given a lot of freedom and with that
given a lot of freedom and with that freedom becomes great responsibility we
freedom becomes great responsibility we
freedom becomes great responsibility we feel so responsible for all of the
feel so responsible for all of the
feel so responsible for all of the things that happen in our lives and ever
things that happen in our lives and ever
things that happen in our lives and ever more at fault when things go wrong it’s
more at fault when things go wrong it’s
more at fault when things go wrong it’s easy to lose sight of the context of
easy to lose sight of the context of
easy to lose sight of the context of situations and just look back at
situations and just look back at
situations and just look back at ourselves and say it’s my fault
ourselves and say it’s my fault
ourselves and say it’s my fault everything’s on me I’m doing it all
everything’s on me I’m doing it all
everything’s on me I’m doing it all wrong
wrong
wrong so I rest my case we were set up for
so I rest my case we were set up for
so I rest my case we were set up for failure they told us that we can have it
failure they told us that we can have it
failure they told us that we can have it all and we believed them and felt
all and we believed them and felt
all and we believed them and felt entitled to it all and when we couldn’t
entitled to it all and when we couldn’t
entitled to it all and when we couldn’t have it all we got mad we got sad and we
have it all we got mad we got sad and we
have it all we got mad we got sad and we got mental health issues not too long
got mental health issues not too long
got mental health issues not too long ago I was trapped in this cycle of high
ago I was trapped in this cycle of high
ago I was trapped in this cycle of high expectations that I couldn’t meet when I
expectations that I couldn’t meet when I
expectations that I couldn’t meet when I lost an election in my youth group or I
lost an election in my youth group or I
lost an election in my youth group or I did poorly on a test I felt like there
did poorly on a test I felt like there
did poorly on a test I felt like there was something wrong with me
was something wrong with me
was something wrong with me because I had this strict idea of what
because I had this strict idea of what
because I had this strict idea of what my life was gonna be I was gonna get all
my life was gonna be I was gonna get all
my life was gonna be I was gonna get all A’s I was gonna do sports theater my
A’s I was gonna do sports theater my
A’s I was gonna do sports theater my youth group everything and I was gonna
youth group everything and I was gonna
youth group everything and I was gonna do it all well at the same time but that
do it all well at the same time but that
do it all well at the same time but that didn’t go as planned because life got in
didn’t go as planned because life got in
didn’t go as planned because life got in the way because I had social obligations
the way because I had social obligations
the way because I had social obligations family obligations because I’m a major
family obligations because I’m a major
family obligations because I’m a major procrastinator it just gets kind of
procrastinator it just gets kind of
procrastinator it just gets kind of messy sometimes and that’s the way that
messy sometimes and that’s the way that
messy sometimes and that’s the way that life goes but I couldn’t see that I kept
life goes but I couldn’t see that I kept
life goes but I couldn’t see that I kept looking at myself and saying why can’t
looking at myself and saying why can’t
looking at myself and saying why can’t you do this I expected that I was
you do this I expected that I was
you do this I expected that I was supposed to be able to do this thing
supposed to be able to do this thing
supposed to be able to do this thing this crazy thing and I was only able to
this crazy thing and I was only able to
this crazy thing and I was only able to get out of this place that started with
get out of this place that started with
get out of this place that started with a sense of entitlement to a certain life
a sense of entitlement to a certain life
a sense of entitlement to a certain life path using a sense of entitlement but
path using a sense of entitlement but
path using a sense of entitlement but this time it was different entitlement I
this time it was different entitlement I
this time it was different entitlement I stood up from rejections and deviations
stood up from rejections and deviations
stood up from rejections and deviations for my plan and I said I am entitled to
for my plan and I said I am entitled to
for my plan and I said I am entitled to success I am entitled to fulfillment and
success I am entitled to fulfillment and
success I am entitled to fulfillment and happiness and I may not be entitled to
happiness and I may not be entitled to
happiness and I may not be entitled to it the exact way that I had planned but
it the exact way that I had planned but
it the exact way that I had planned but I sure as hell deserve it so using that
I sure as hell deserve it so using that
I sure as hell deserve it so using that confidence that I would find my way I
confidence that I would find my way I
confidence that I would find my way I worked even harder
worked even harder
worked even harder even when rejections knocked me down I
even when rejections knocked me down I
even when rejections knocked me down I decided that I wouldn’t settle for a
decided that I wouldn’t settle for a
decided that I wouldn’t settle for a life of bitterness and disappointment
life of bitterness and disappointment
life of bitterness and disappointment and jealousy because I am entitled to
and jealousy because I am entitled to
and jealousy because I am entitled to good and I have the power to make and
good and I have the power to make and
good and I have the power to make and find that good in my life it just takes
find that good in my life it just takes
find that good in my life it just takes a little hard work and the same is true
a little hard work and the same is true
a little hard work and the same is true for every single one of you remember
for every single one of you remember
for every single one of you remember when I told you that you were entitled I
when I told you that you were entitled I
when I told you that you were entitled I meant it you are entitled to good and
meant it you are entitled to good and
meant it you are entitled to good and happiness and success and good people
happiness and success and good people
happiness and success and good people and
and
and and I promise that once you find peace
and I promise that once you find peace
and I promise that once you find peace with that fact that you will find all of
with that fact that you will find all of
with that fact that you will find all of those things more readily in your life
those things more readily in your life
those things more readily in your life and research backs me up Brene brown a
and research backs me up Brene brown a
and research backs me up Brene brown a commended researcher and author spent
commended researcher and author spent
commended researcher and author spent many years of her life dedicated to
many years of her life dedicated to
many years of her life dedicated to researching shame and one of the things
researching shame and one of the things
researching shame and one of the things that she came away with is that people
that she came away with is that people
that she came away with is that people who have more good in their lives are
who have more good in their lives are
who have more good in their lives are those who feel they are worthy of good
those who feel they are worthy of good
those who feel they are worthy of good in a recent TED talk she said that there
in a recent TED talk she said that there
in a recent TED talk she said that there was one variable that separated those
was one variable that separated those
was one variable that separated those who have a strong sense of love and
who have a strong sense of love and
who have a strong sense of love and belonging and those who struggle for it
belonging and those who struggle for it
belonging and those who struggle for it and that was that people who have a
and that was that people who have a
and that was that people who have a strong sense of love and belonging
strong sense of love and belonging
strong sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of love and
believe they are worthy of love and
believe they are worthy of love and belonging in the words of the
belonging in the words of the
belonging in the words of the Declaration of Independence every
Declaration of Independence every
Declaration of Independence every individual is endowed with certain
individual is endowed with certain
individual is endowed with certain unalienable rights life liberty and the
unalienable rights life liberty and the
unalienable rights life liberty and the pursuit of happiness so go forth and
pursuit of happiness so go forth and
pursuit of happiness so go forth and pursue your happiness with a sense of
pursue your happiness with a sense of
pursue your happiness with a sense of entitlement but it’s up to you how you
entitlement but it’s up to you how you
entitlement but it’s up to you how you use that entitlement my advice is to
use that entitlement my advice is to
use that entitlement my advice is to throw away that feeling that you are
throw away that feeling that you are
throw away that feeling that you are entitled to this perfect life that
entitled to this perfect life that
entitled to this perfect life that follows a certain path and replaced it
follows a certain path and replaced it
follows a certain path and replaced it with the confidence that you are
with the confidence that you are
with the confidence that you are entitled to good you’re going to face
entitled to good you’re going to face
entitled to good you’re going to face disappointments and rejections and
disappointments and rejections and
disappointments and rejections and you’re going to make mistakes but when
you’re going to make mistakes but when
you’re going to make mistakes but when you move through life with the knowledge
you move through life with the knowledge
you move through life with the knowledge that you deserve success none of those
that you deserve success none of those
that you deserve success none of those hiccups can knock you down let
hiccups can knock you down let
hiccups can knock you down let entitlement push you to take risks and
entitlement push you to take risks and
entitlement push you to take risks and pick you up when you fall and keep that
pick you up when you fall and keep that
pick you up when you fall and keep that knowledge that you are worthy with you
knowledge that you are worthy with you
knowledge that you are worthy with you when you’re mad at the world and not at
when you’re mad at the world and not at
when you’re mad at the world and not at yourself because life isn’t fair they
yourself because life isn’t fair they
yourself because life isn’t fair they didn’t tell us that enough when we were
didn’t tell us that enough when we were
didn’t tell us that enough when we were kids but what they did tell us was true
kids but what they did tell us was true
kids but what they did tell us was true believe in yourself follow your dreams
believe in yourself follow your dreams
believe in yourself follow your dreams be yourself you are special but special
be yourself you are special but special
be yourself you are special but special doesn’t mean perfect or invincible
doesn’t mean perfect or invincible
doesn’t mean perfect or invincible special means that you are strong and
special means that you are strong and
special means that you are strong and capable of incredible things it just
capable of incredible things it just
capable of incredible things it just takes the little blood sweat and tears
takes the little blood sweat and tears
takes the little blood sweat and tears it means that you are worthy and you are
it means that you are worthy and you are
it means that you are worthy and you are entitled to good thank you
entitled to good thank you
entitled to good thank you [Applause]
”
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