again meeting certain people saying stupid things but you didn’t so yourself
people make excuses and I’m here for
people make excuses and I’m here for every single person who has made a
every single person who has made a
every single person who has made a mistake
mistake
mistake who has erred in their judgment I’m here
who has erred in their judgment I’m here
who has erred in their judgment I’m here for the people who have seen the monster
for the people who have seen the monster
for the people who have seen the monster in themselves and taken a punch from it
a self-loathing that hit me hard and
a self-loathing that hit me hard and fast somewhere before greeting that I’m
fast somewhere before greeting that I’m
fast somewhere before greeting that I’m only now starting to shake off I was a
only now starting to shake off I was a
only now starting to shake off I was a friendly and I’m going kid who spent her
friendly and I’m going kid who spent her
friendly and I’m going kid who spent her nights at home alone
nights at home alone
nights at home alone [Music]
[Music]
[Music] was disgusting too loud and too
was disgusting too loud and too
was disgusting too loud and too obnoxious and that I would never be
obnoxious and that I would never be
obnoxious and that I would never be beautiful in the way I wanted to be I
beautiful in the way I wanted to be I
beautiful in the way I wanted to be I think anyone who’s been in that same
think anyone who’s been in that same
think anyone who’s been in that same mental state knows that having someone
mental state knows that having someone
mental state knows that having someone there who understands someone who can
there who understands someone who can
there who understands someone who can your hand so when you can talk to and
your hand so when you can talk to and
your hand so when you can talk to and never feel judged by or mocked or
never feel judged by or mocked or
never feel judged by or mocked or dismissed as a creep someone who will
dismissed as a creep someone who will
dismissed as a creep someone who will keep yourself well being a secret and
keep yourself well being a secret and
keep yourself well being a secret and never use it against you
never use it against you
never use it against you I met someone my first few months at
I met someone my first few months at
I met someone my first few months at Hamburg who was that for convenience
Hamburg who was that for convenience
Hamburg who was that for convenience acts I became best friends
acts I became best friends
acts I became best friends we opened up to each other to each other
we opened up to each other to each other
we opened up to each other to each other about the pain you were both struggling
about the pain you were both struggling
about the pain you were both struggling with inside of us it was the basic
with inside of us it was the basic
with inside of us it was the basic foundation of our friendship the hatred
foundation of our friendship the hatred
foundation of our friendship the hatred that we felt about ourselves it was all
that we felt about ourselves it was all
that we felt about ourselves it was all we talked about the only real thing that
we talked about the only real thing that
we talked about the only real thing that we had in common
we had in common
we had in common we were two deeply unhappy people who
we were two deeply unhappy people who
we were two deeply unhappy people who fed off of each other’s unhappiness we
fed off of each other’s unhappiness we
fed off of each other’s unhappiness we became best friends to the point where
became best friends to the point where
became best friends to the point where we were inseparable because there was
we were inseparable because there was
we were inseparable because there was some sort of strange happiness in our
satisfaction our friendship was never if
satisfaction our friendship was never if one had something awful to say about
one had something awful to say about
one had something awful to say about themselves the other
a toxic one one that will destroy both
a toxic one one that will destroy both parties quickly and messily we were
parties quickly and messily we were
parties quickly and messily we were obsessed with ourselves and our
obsessed with ourselves and our
obsessed with ourselves and our self-hatred and in turn we became
self-hatred and in turn we became
self-hatred and in turn we became obsessed with each other we became each
obsessed with each other we became each
obsessed with each other we became each other’s holy titles our codependency
other’s holy titles our codependency
other’s holy titles our codependency taking over our lives the bubble that we
taking over our lives the bubble that we
taking over our lives the bubble that we had built together or that we were
had built together or that we were
had built together or that we were trying to swim across an ocean my
trying to swim across an ocean my
trying to swim across an ocean my parents told me to severed the
parents told me to severed the
parents told me to severed the relationship and they put me in a I made
relationship and they put me in a I made
relationship and they put me in a I made a choice one that I called selfish I
chose to give up not myself but on to
chose to give up not myself but on to save myself so I ghost attacks
I just left I abandoned X in the dark
I just left I abandoned X in the dark time in both our lives
time in both our lives
time in both our lives I knew X was suicidal I knew intimately
I knew X was suicidal I knew intimately
I knew X was suicidal I knew intimately the struggle of X was going through I
the struggle of X was going through I
the struggle of X was going through I had been in it with emotionally embraced
had been in it with emotionally embraced
had been in it with emotionally embraced it but now I was too scared for myself
I work dangerous and safe situations and
I work dangerous and safe situations and yet I have never felt like I held when
yet I have never felt like I held when
yet I have never felt like I held when suicide attacks I believed it was myself
suicide attacks I believed it was myself
suicide attacks I believed it was myself for the state that X was in I was being
for the state that X was in I was being
for the state that X was in I was being selfish hurting them in a way that they
selfish hurting them in a way that they
selfish hurting them in a way that they didn’t deserve to be I was betraying
didn’t deserve to be I was betraying
didn’t deserve to be I was betraying everything that we had promised to each
everything that we had promised to each
everything that we had promised to each other
other
other the school year ended with me stressed
the school year ended with me stressed
the school year ended with me stressed guilty and still deeply I spent months
guilty and still deeply I spent months
guilty and still deeply I spent months trying to figure out how to just forget
trying to figure out how to just forget
trying to figure out how to just forget the whole event I was told by people who
the whole event I was told by people who
the whole event I was told by people who had heard the story that X was the
had heard the story that X was the
had heard the story that X was the monster an emotionally manipulative
monster an emotionally manipulative
monster an emotionally manipulative assailant and that I was the victim how
assailant and that I was the victim how
assailant and that I was the victim how it was supposed to recover from the
it was supposed to recover from the
it was supposed to recover from the stars that X helped to inflict but but I
stars that X helped to inflict but but I
stars that X helped to inflict but but I knew how how it really was I should have
knew how how it really was I should have
knew how how it really was I should have been better for X should have taken
been better for X should have taken
been better for X should have taken better care of both of us I should have
better care of both of us I should have
better care of both of us I should have spoken up sooner
spoken up sooner
spoken up sooner not letting get to the place that did I
not letting get to the place that did I
not letting get to the place that did I should have stood up for myself to
should have stood up for myself to
should have stood up for myself to convince both of us
convince both of us
convince both of us to choose another road but it gets to
to choose another road but it gets to
to choose another road but it gets to the point where school counselors I do
that’s forward four years that thirteen
that’s forward four years that thirteen year old kid who I am however someone
year old kid who I am however someone
year old kid who I am however someone who spends a lot of time thinking about
who spends a lot of time thinking about
who spends a lot of time thinking about what I could have done how I could have
what I could have done how I could have
what I could have done how I could have made things better dealt with the
made things better dealt with the
made things better dealt with the situation’s better it feels like I could
situation’s better it feels like I could
situation’s better it feels like I could barely live with the choices I made but
barely live with the choices I made but
barely live with the choices I made but if I had the chance to do it again the
if I had the chance to do it again the
if I had the chance to do it again the question really is friendship get to the
question really is friendship get to the
question really is friendship get to the point it did would we be better off or
point it did would we be better off or
point it did would we be better off or worse
[Music]
[Music] or just push them off the edge we all
or just push them off the edge we all
or just push them off the edge we all have crossroads in our lives
have crossroads in our lives
have crossroads in our lives mistakes that we made that define us for
mistakes that we made that define us for
mistakes that we made that define us for the rest of our lives
the rest of our lives
the rest of our lives because we let them to turn left or
because we let them to turn left or
because we let them to turn left or right to make the right choice or the
right to make the right choice or the
right to make the right choice or the wrong one and when we make the wrong one
wrong one and when we make the wrong one
wrong one and when we make the wrong one because we will move on picking up the
because we will move on picking up the
because we will move on picking up the pieces after that gradient year was
pieces after that gradient year was
pieces after that gradient year was tough X was never successful in their
tough X was never successful in their
tough X was never successful in their suicide attempts but I still counting
suicide attempts but I still counting
suicide attempts but I still counting those speeding past you forgiveness is
those speeding past you forgiveness is
those speeding past you forgiveness is it’s nice crying and cursing you made a
it’s nice crying and cursing you made a
it’s nice crying and cursing you made a choice you turn left
choice you turn left
choice you turn left [Music]
like my life pause there and every day
like my life pause there and every day after has been a coma dream but it’s
after has been a coma dream but it’s
after has been a coma dream but it’s when I tell the story my exhale I let go
when I tell the story my exhale I let go
when I tell the story my exhale I let go of it some days I think about that time
of it some days I think about that time
of it some days I think about that time in my life some days I look at the
in my life some days I look at the
in my life some days I look at the mirror and I see a beautiful girl with
mirror and I see a beautiful girl with
mirror and I see a beautiful girl with light in her eyes and I forgive her I
light in her eyes and I forgive her I
light in her eyes and I forgive her I want to tell you something right now
want to tell you something right now
want to tell you something right now you deserve forgiveness whatever
you deserve forgiveness whatever
you deserve forgiveness whatever mistakes you made whoever you hurt
mistakes you made whoever you hurt
mistakes you made whoever you hurt whatever you did they were meant
whatever you did they were meant
whatever you did they were meant clichè the roads we take the cars we
clichè the roads we take the cars we
clichè the roads we take the cars we have in place they lead us to the people
have in place they lead us to the people
have in place they lead us to the people we are destined to be whichever
we are destined to be whichever
we are destined to be whichever direction you go left right or down
direction you go left right or down
direction you go left right or down we’ll take you to your final destination
we’ll take you to your final destination
we’ll take you to your final destination sometime soon I want you to look into
sometime soon I want you to look into
sometime soon I want you to look into that veneer I want you to look into that
that veneer I want you to look into that
that veneer I want you to look into that mirror and I want you to see exactly
mirror and I want you to see exactly
mirror and I want you to see exactly what I see someone beautiful who
what I see someone beautiful who
what I see someone beautiful who deserves forgiveness without the choices
deserves forgiveness without the choices
deserves forgiveness without the choices that led me to them I think
[Music]
[Music] I was to the
yes we deserve forgiveness every day do
yes we deserve forgiveness every day do not let the choices of yesterday stop
not let the choices of yesterday stop
not let the choices of yesterday stop you from reaching tomorrow let them
you from reaching tomorrow let them
you from reaching tomorrow let them carry you our battered suitcases were
carry you our battered suitcases were
carry you our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk
piled on the sidewalk
piled on the sidewalk we have longer ways
”
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