Power Through Accepting Yourself | Khaled Mostafa | TEDxYouth@MNS

I’d like to start by saying that I

I’d like to start by saying that I graduated from MMS three years ago and

graduated from MMS three years ago and

graduated from MMS three years ago and it’s great to be back and it feels like

it’s great to be back and it feels like

it’s great to be back and it feels like home

home

home [Music]

[Applause]

[Applause] now as you heard from safe and Malak and

now as you heard from safe and Malak and

now as you heard from safe and Malak and Salma they were talking about 8 a.m.

Salma they were talking about 8 a.m.

Salma they were talking about 8 a.m. classes I like to short with a small

classes I like to short with a small

classes I like to short with a small story about the first time I had an 8

story about the first time I had an 8

story about the first time I had an 8 a.m. class in university now I imagine

a.m. class in university now I imagine

a.m. class in university now I imagine being in an 8 a.m. class and having the

being in an 8 a.m. class and having the

being in an 8 a.m. class and having the instructor ask you what do you think is

instructor ask you what do you think is

instructor ask you what do you think is your biggest problem now mind you this

your biggest problem now mind you this

your biggest problem now mind you this was my first psychology class that I

was my first psychology class that I

was my first psychology class that I ever went to now I went in going

ever went to now I went in going

ever went to now I went in going thinking into that class that they’re

thinking into that class that they’re

thinking into that class that they’re going to dig so deep into my

going to dig so deep into my

going to dig so deep into my insecurities you know by psychology

insecurities you know by psychology

insecurities you know by psychology vicodin and I thought about it for five

vicodin and I thought about it for five

vicodin and I thought about it for five minutes and I thought to myself houston

minutes and I thought to myself houston

minutes and I thought to myself houston I have many problems now after my

I have many problems now after my

I have many problems now after my self-deprecating inner dialogue I

self-deprecating inner dialogue I

self-deprecating inner dialogue I thought my biggest problem is my

thought my biggest problem is my

thought my biggest problem is my self-esteem now this is the reason I’m

self-esteem now this is the reason I’m

self-esteem now this is the reason I’m here to talk to you today I’m going to

here to talk to you today I’m going to

here to talk to you today I’m going to talk to you about the time I realized

talk to you about the time I realized

talk to you about the time I realized that and I have pledged since then to

that and I have pledged since then to

that and I have pledged since then to talk about issues that are important and

talk about issues that are important and

talk about issues that are important and personal to me now others might ask why

personal to me now others might ask why

personal to me now others might ask why talk about this and why now well I’d

talk about this and why now well I’d

talk about this and why now well I’d like to say that I’ve seen it in my own

like to say that I’ve seen it in my own

like to say that I’ve seen it in my own personal life and as well as my academic

personal life and as well as my academic

personal life and as well as my academic life that so many people have problems

life that so many people have problems

life that so many people have problems with their self-esteem they have issues

with their self-esteem they have issues

with their self-esteem they have issues with themselves now that in turn

with themselves now that in turn

with themselves now that in turn inspired me to do a talk about

inspired me to do a talk about

inspired me to do a talk about gender-based bullying I hosted that I

gender-based bullying I hosted that I

gender-based bullying I hosted that I organized it

organized it

organized it and through that event I realized that

and through that event I realized that

and through that event I realized that bullying affects different people

bullying affects different people

bullying affects different people differently now I thought of this title

differently now I thought of this title

differently now I thought of this title because you know why in a bit so through

because you know why in a bit so through

because you know why in a bit so through that event I again I realized that it

that event I again I realized that it

that event I again I realized that it affects people differently now let’s go

affects people differently now let’s go

affects people differently now let’s go back a few years and I’d like to talk to

back a few years and I’d like to talk to

back a few years and I’d like to talk to you about my middle and high school

you about my middle and high school

you about my middle and high school years now they were very confusing and

years now they were very confusing and

years now they were very confusing and impactful period on my of my life I was

impactful period on my of my life I was

impactful period on my of my life I was this little short kid who always tried

this little short kid who always tried

this little short kid who always tried his best to stay on the sidelines who

his best to stay on the sidelines who

his best to stay on the sidelines who always didn’t want to bring attention to

always didn’t want to bring attention to

always didn’t want to bring attention to himself now naturally that put a

himself now naturally that put a

himself now naturally that put a bull’s-eye on my back I was bullied both

bull’s-eye on my back I was bullied both

bull’s-eye on my back I was bullied both verbally and relationally now an example

verbally and relationally now an example

verbally and relationally now an example of verbal bullying would be that someone

of verbal bullying would be that someone

of verbal bullying would be that someone would say like a sentence as you walked

would say like a sentence as you walked

would say like a sentence as you walked by or someone says to you in your face

by or someone says to you in your face

by or someone says to you in your face you’re this or that this is verbal

you’re this or that this is verbal

you’re this or that this is verbal yang’s very self-explanatory

yang’s very self-explanatory

yang’s very self-explanatory now relationally is where it gets tricky

now relationally is where it gets tricky

now relationally is where it gets tricky and an example of that would be you know

and an example of that would be you know

and an example of that would be you know those times when you hear a rumor about

those times when you hear a rumor about

those times when you hear a rumor about yourself and you find out that one of

yourself and you find out that one of

yourself and you find out that one of your closest friends is saying things

your closest friends is saying things

your closest friends is saying things about you behind your back or those

about you behind your back or those

about you behind your back or those times when you thought your friends you

times when you thought your friends you

times when you thought your friends you see a picture of your friends on

see a picture of your friends on

see a picture of your friends on Facebook and they went out to see an

Facebook and they went out to see an

Facebook and they went out to see an outing or a birthday without you now who

outing or a birthday without you now who

outing or a birthday without you now who would have thought that was bullying and

would have thought that was bullying and

would have thought that was bullying and another concept that I realized recently

another concept that I realized recently

another concept that I realized recently that I’d like to introduce you to is

that I’d like to introduce you to is

that I’d like to introduce you to is social isolation now it’s very

social isolation now it’s very

social isolation now it’s very self-explanatory this has two meanings

self-explanatory this has two meanings

self-explanatory this has two meanings okay so the first being that you

okay so the first being that you

okay so the first being that you literally isolated from everyone around

literally isolated from everyone around

literally isolated from everyone around you your your friends your family

you your your friends your family

you your your friends your family everyone now the second me gets

everyone now the second me gets

everyone now the second me gets complicated okay so you can be

complicated okay so you can be

complicated okay so you can be surrounded by so

surrounded by so

surrounded by so any people so many but still have this

any people so many but still have this

any people so many but still have this feeling of being alone

now another thing that I went through

now another thing that I went through Annie in school I went through so many

Annie in school I went through so many

Annie in school I went through so many types of bullying that’s one thing that

types of bullying that’s one thing that

types of bullying that’s one thing that affected me the most was the idea of gas

affected me the most was the idea of gas

affected me the most was the idea of gas lighting okay so gas lighting as you can

lighting okay so gas lighting as you can

lighting okay so gas lighting as you can see here basically says making someone

see here basically says making someone

see here basically says making someone question the reality now I went through

question the reality now I went through

question the reality now I went through this with someone who I thought was my

this with someone who I thought was my

this with someone who I thought was my best friend at the time I was I wanted

best friend at the time I was I wanted

best friend at the time I was I wanted to confront him about something he was

to confront him about something he was

to confront him about something he was doing to me which was violating my trust

doing to me which was violating my trust

doing to me which was violating my trust now I told him I don’t this is not okay

now I told him I don’t this is not okay

now I told him I don’t this is not okay I don’t like what you’re doing now he

I don’t like what you’re doing now he

I don’t like what you’re doing now he quickly responded what are you saying I

quickly responded what are you saying I

quickly responded what are you saying I didn’t do anything stop putting words in

didn’t do anything stop putting words in

didn’t do anything stop putting words in my mouth

my mouth

my mouth stop making this up now the his response

stop making this up now the his response

stop making this up now the his response made me think hmmm maybe I’m

made me think hmmm maybe I’m

made me think hmmm maybe I’m overreacting is it valid to feel this

overreacting is it valid to feel this

overreacting is it valid to feel this way are my feelings legitimate now do

way are my feelings legitimate now do

way are my feelings legitimate now do you know you have you probably all of

you know you have you probably all of

you know you have you probably all of you who felt the same way did you feel

you who felt the same way did you feel

you who felt the same way did you feel like you’re upset and you feel like

like you’re upset and you feel like

like you’re upset and you feel like you’re overreacting and you find people

you’re overreacting and you find people

you’re overreacting and you find people telling you mr. Daaga wish miss Tala and

telling you mr. Daaga wish miss Tala and

telling you mr. Daaga wish miss Tala and then you keep feeling like like you’re

then you keep feeling like like you’re

then you keep feeling like like you’re doubting the situation am I allowed to

doubting the situation am I allowed to

doubting the situation am I allowed to be upset in the situation or not now I

be upset in the situation or not now I

be upset in the situation or not now I later realized after lots of thought

later realized after lots of thought

later realized after lots of thought that the worst thing you can do is doubt

that the worst thing you can do is doubt

that the worst thing you can do is doubt how much something upset you or how much

how much something upset you or how much

how much something upset you or how much something means to you or how much

something means to you or how much

something means to you or how much something hurts you

something hurts you

something hurts you if you feel like you are upset then that

if you feel like you are upset then that

if you feel like you are upset then that is enough now fast forward a couple of

is enough now fast forward a couple of

is enough now fast forward a couple of years and I’m standing before you today

years and I’m standing before you today

years and I’m standing before you today speaking to a crowd of people this this

speaking to a crowd of people this this

speaking to a crowd of people this this is something that little Khaled would

is something that little Khaled would

is something that little Khaled would have never thought about doing and what

have never thought about doing and what

have never thought about doing and what changed you may ask well remember that

changed you may ask well remember that

changed you may ask well remember that first class I told you about I realized

first class I told you about I realized

first class I told you about I realized then and there that I needed to change I

then and there that I needed to change I

then and there that I needed to change I realized that I had a problem so I

realized that I had a problem so I

realized that I had a problem so I counselor told me that one of the things

counselor told me that one of the things

counselor told me that one of the things that she taught me in one of our therapy

that she taught me in one of our therapy

that she taught me in one of our therapy sessions was was the idea

sessions was was the idea

sessions was was the idea looking at your own problems as if there

looking at your own problems as if there

looking at your own problems as if there are someone else’s now what does this

are someone else’s now what does this

are someone else’s now what does this mean it means like you objectively look

mean it means like you objectively look

mean it means like you objectively look at your own problem and treat it as if

at your own problem and treat it as if

at your own problem and treat it as if it’s someone else’s and then you keep

it’s someone else’s and then you keep

it’s someone else’s and then you keep developing and finding a solution for

developing and finding a solution for

developing and finding a solution for that problem and then you feel

that problem and then you feel

that problem and then you feel compassion towards that person who is in

compassion towards that person who is in

compassion towards that person who is in fact yourself I started to embrace the

fact yourself I started to embrace the

fact yourself I started to embrace the fact that I was just human that I might

fact that I was just human that I might

fact that I was just human that I might stop judging myself too harshly and this

stop judging myself too harshly and this

stop judging myself too harshly and this is basically what self compassion is as

is basically what self compassion is as

is basically what self compassion is as you can see here now you all believe

you can see here now you all believe

you can see here now you all believe that the past cannot be changed right

that the past cannot be changed right

that the past cannot be changed right well which you can change is how that

well which you can change is how that

well which you can change is how that very same past impacts you now through

very same past impacts you now through

very same past impacts you now through objectively analyzing my problems I

objectively analyzing my problems I

objectively analyzing my problems I began to realize that I was not in fact

began to realize that I was not in fact

began to realize that I was not in fact overreacting I know my feelings were

overreacting I know my feelings were

overreacting I know my feelings were valid now it’s not surprising as many

valid now it’s not surprising as many

valid now it’s not surprising as many studies show as many psychological

studies show as many psychological

studies show as many psychological studies show that self compassion leads

studies show that self compassion leads

studies show that self compassion leads to more happiness and optimism and to

to more happiness and optimism and to

to more happiness and optimism and to less anxiety and depression I was so

less anxiety and depression I was so

less anxiety and depression I was so displeased with myself back then both

displeased with myself back then both

displeased with myself back then both mentally and physically that I fell into

mentally and physically that I fell into

mentally and physically that I fell into two very common cognitive traps which

two very common cognitive traps which

two very common cognitive traps which are perfectionism and self downing quite

are perfectionism and self downing quite

are perfectionism and self downing quite so perfectionism what that entails is it

so perfectionism what that entails is it

so perfectionism what that entails is it has the valuable desire to do better to

has the valuable desire to do better to

has the valuable desire to do better to be better and generally keep the high

be better and generally keep the high

be better and generally keep the high standards so far so good right however

standards so far so good right however

standards so far so good right however since even Olympic gold medalists failed

since even Olympic gold medalists failed

since even Olympic gold medalists failed failed to reach perfection most of the

failed to reach perfection most of the

failed to reach perfection most of the time we must embrace the idea that

time we must embrace the idea that

time we must embrace the idea that perfection simply doesn’t exist mmm

perfection simply doesn’t exist mmm

perfection simply doesn’t exist mmm perfectionism is is a very bad thing and

perfectionism is is a very bad thing and

perfectionism is is a very bad thing and what that it does is it makes you feel

what that it does is it makes you feel

what that it does is it makes you feel like you’re never enough

like you’re never enough

like you’re never enough it makes me fear you makes you doubt

it makes me fear you makes you doubt

it makes me fear you makes you doubt yourself but I’d like to say that no one

yourself but I’d like to say that no one

yourself but I’d like to say that no one is ever enough no one is perfect

so give up the idea that you must be

so give up the idea that you must be perfect and just keep to your high

perfect and just keep to your high

perfect and just keep to your high standards and focus on what you can

standards and focus on what you can

standards and focus on what you can control now moving on to self downing

control now moving on to self downing

control now moving on to self downing self downing is basically having a

self downing is basically having a

self downing is basically having a distorted perception of your value an

distorted perception of your value an

distorted perception of your value an example of that would be you know those

example of that would be you know those

example of that would be you know those times when you fail an exam and you feel

times when you fail an exam and you feel

times when you fail an exam and you feel like oh I’m such a failure

like oh I’m such a failure

like oh I’m such a failure I’ll failing at life or those times when

I’ll failing at life or those times when

I’ll failing at life or those times when you gain this skill over two kilos or

you gain this skill over two kilos or

you gain this skill over two kilos or five and you feel like oh I am the

five and you feel like oh I am the

five and you feel like oh I am the fattest person in the world I’ll never

fattest person in the world I’ll never

fattest person in the world I’ll never lose those this is what basically self

lose those this is what basically self

lose those this is what basically self downing is now I realized that being

downing is now I realized that being

downing is now I realized that being self-aware is the first step to reaching

self-aware is the first step to reaching

self-aware is the first step to reaching all of this that very same class made me

all of this that very same class made me

all of this that very same class made me realize all of this now I’d like to wish

realize all of this now I’d like to wish

realize all of this now I’d like to wish good luck to those who are about to

good luck to those who are about to

good luck to those who are about to embark on that journey of

embark on that journey of

embark on that journey of self-acceptance and looking at your

self-acceptance and looking at your

self-acceptance and looking at your problems and as if there were someone

problems and as if there were someone

problems and as if there were someone else says and remember that the power to

else says and remember that the power to

else says and remember that the power to change comes from within thank you

change comes from within thank you

change comes from within thank you [Applause]