thank you good morning I was supposed to be born here well not necessarily in the
be born here well not necessarily in the
be born here well not necessarily in the Shaw mosque but in Isfahan in Iran and
Shaw mosque but in Isfahan in Iran and
Shaw mosque but in Isfahan in Iran and I’m gonna date myself to some of you
I’m gonna date myself to some of you
I’m gonna date myself to some of you history buffs when I say that three
history buffs when I say that three
history buffs when I say that three months before I was born my family was
months before I was born my family was
months before I was born my family was evacuated from Iran the Shah was about
evacuated from Iran the Shah was about
evacuated from Iran the Shah was about to be overthrown and the Ayatollah
to be overthrown and the Ayatollah
to be overthrown and the Ayatollah Khomeini was going to be invited back
Khomeini was going to be invited back
Khomeini was going to be invited back after 14 years in exile my mother
after 14 years in exile my mother
after 14 years in exile my mother landed in Boulder Colorado and shortly
landed in Boulder Colorado and shortly
landed in Boulder Colorado and shortly after that my father joined us see
after that my father joined us see
after that my father joined us see apparently he wasn’t leaving Iran
apparently he wasn’t leaving Iran
apparently he wasn’t leaving Iran without the Persian rugs
without the Persian rugs
without the Persian rugs I was then invited into the world that
I was then invited into the world that
I was then invited into the world that small blob in the middle there is me but
small blob in the middle there is me but
small blob in the middle there is me but I don’t remember much of my Colorado
I don’t remember much of my Colorado
I don’t remember much of my Colorado experience six months after being born
experience six months after being born
experience six months after being born we moved to Saudi Arabia and one year
we moved to Saudi Arabia and one year
we moved to Saudi Arabia and one year after that my parents accepted jobs at
after that my parents accepted jobs at
after that my parents accepted jobs at the International School of Kuala Lumpur
the International School of Kuala Lumpur
the International School of Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia this is where my story
in Malaysia this is where my story
in Malaysia this is where my story really begins see I’m a third culture
really begins see I’m a third culture
really begins see I’m a third culture kid more often referred to as a TCK and
kid more often referred to as a TCK and
kid more often referred to as a TCK and the term TCK was coined by Ruth who
the term TCK was coined by Ruth who
the term TCK was coined by Ruth who seemed herself a TCK in the 50s and
seemed herself a TCK in the 50s and
seemed herself a TCK in the 50s and since then we’ve become we become known
since then we’ve become we become known
since then we’ve become we become known by a myriad of other terms all use all
by a myriad of other terms all use all
by a myriad of other terms all use all describing someone who has spent a
describing someone who has spent a
describing someone who has spent a significant portion of their formative
significant portion of their formative
significant portion of their formative years living in a culture other than
years living in a culture other than
years living in a culture other than that of their parents so I’m here today
that of their parents so I’m here today
that of their parents so I’m here today to share some of my experiences growing
to share some of my experiences growing
to share some of my experiences growing up and also to hit upon three points
up and also to hit upon three points
up and also to hit upon three points about being a TCK that have had a
about being a TCK that have had a
about being a TCK that have had a profound impact on my life I should
profound impact on my life I should
profound impact on my life I should start by mentioning my third culture
start by mentioning my third culture
start by mentioning my third culture experience is very different from that
experience is very different from that
experience is very different from that of normal T CK’s this is my yearbook
of normal T CK’s this is my yearbook
of normal T CK’s this is my yearbook page the senior year of my high school
page the senior year of my high school
page the senior year of my high school career and next to me is Kelsey Wagner I
career and next to me is Kelsey Wagner I
career and next to me is Kelsey Wagner I know this doesn’t look special in any
know this doesn’t look special in any
know this doesn’t look special in any way I can assure you that it is C of the
way I can assure you that it is C of the
way I can assure you that it is C of the 124 graduates of a scale that year only
124 graduates of a scale that year only
124 graduates of a scale that year only Kelsey and myself were afforded full
Kelsey and myself were afforded full
Kelsey and myself were afforded full pages in the yearbook
pages in the yearbook
pages in the yearbook see full-page spreads were reserved for
see full-page spreads were reserved for
see full-page spreads were reserved for students that had attended is kale from
students that had attended is kale from
students that had attended is kale from kindergarten all the way through 12th
kindergarten all the way through 12th
kindergarten all the way through 12th grade and that’s a pretty rare rare
grade and that’s a pretty rare rare
grade and that’s a pretty rare rare thing for a TCK in any international
thing for a TCK in any international
thing for a TCK in any international school most third culture kids jump
school most third culture kids jump
school most third culture kids jump around from country to country every 3
around from country to country every 3
around from country to country every 3 or 4 years on average
or 4 years on average
or 4 years on average following their parents postings but
following their parents postings but
following their parents postings but that year Kelsey and I graduated from is
that year Kelsey and I graduated from is
that year Kelsey and I graduated from is Cal spending our entire schooling career
Cal spending our entire schooling career
Cal spending our entire schooling career in Malaysia and Malaysia is a pretty
in Malaysia and Malaysia is a pretty
in Malaysia and Malaysia is a pretty unique place to grow up besides having
unique place to grow up besides having
unique place to grow up besides having amazing food a mixture of Malay and
amazing food a mixture of Malay and
amazing food a mixture of Malay and Indian and Chinese cuisine it also has
Indian and Chinese cuisine it also has
Indian and Chinese cuisine it also has perfect weather 27 degrees every day of
perfect weather 27 degrees every day of
perfect weather 27 degrees every day of the year
the year
the year this is a little cold right now by the
this is a little cold right now by the
this is a little cold right now by the way but it also afforded me some
way but it also afforded me some
way but it also afforded me some opportunities that I probably wouldn’t
opportunities that I probably wouldn’t
opportunities that I probably wouldn’t have had growing up in the United States
have had growing up in the United States
have had growing up in the United States I got to coach golf at a fairly early
I got to coach golf at a fairly early
I got to coach golf at a fairly early age probably by passing all sorts of
age probably by passing all sorts of
age probably by passing all sorts of things you’d need to do to become a
things you’d need to do to become a
things you’d need to do to become a teaching professional for the USGA I got
teaching professional for the USGA I got
teaching professional for the USGA I got to engage in some activities that
to engage in some activities that
to engage in some activities that slightly skirted the safety regulations
slightly skirted the safety regulations
slightly skirted the safety regulations that were pretty stringent from my home
that were pretty stringent from my home
that were pretty stringent from my home country I got to give concerts at
country I got to give concerts at
country I got to give concerts at Christmas on fun-looking instruments and
Christmas on fun-looking instruments and
Christmas on fun-looking instruments and I got to hang out with some pretty
I got to hang out with some pretty
I got to hang out with some pretty unique people one spring break we went
unique people one spring break we went
unique people one spring break we went to Sarawak in East Malaysia and spent a
to Sarawak in East Malaysia and spent a
to Sarawak in East Malaysia and spent a week living in a longhouse and I spent
week living in a longhouse and I spent
week living in a longhouse and I spent the whole week hanging out with this
the whole week hanging out with this
the whole week hanging out with this lady and besides having a leaf that’s
lady and besides having a leaf that’s
lady and besides having a leaf that’s slightly bigger than my entire body at
slightly bigger than my entire body at
slightly bigger than my entire body at the time you might notice that she’s
the time you might notice that she’s
the time you might notice that she’s wearing earrings that are weights and
wearing earrings that are weights and
wearing earrings that are weights and her earlobes are down to her shoulders
her earlobes are down to her shoulders
her earlobes are down to her shoulders which I had never seen at that time and
which I had never seen at that time and
which I had never seen at that time and I probably would not have seen at the
I probably would not have seen at the
I probably would not have seen at the time at least in Boulder Colorado see
time at least in Boulder Colorado see
time at least in Boulder Colorado see Malaysia was a true mixture of race
Malaysia was a true mixture of race
Malaysia was a true mixture of race language religion socioeconomic
language religion socioeconomic
language religion socioeconomic backgrounds and all mixed together in
backgrounds and all mixed together in
backgrounds and all mixed together in this nice blend that really made it a
this nice blend that really made it a
this nice blend that really made it a true melting pot of humanity in case in
true melting pot of humanity in case in
true melting pot of humanity in case in point in seventh grade we were
point in seventh grade we were
point in seventh grade we were researching world religions and we took
researching world religions and we took
researching world religions and we took a field trip in that field trip we
a field trip in that field trip we
a field trip in that field trip we visited a mosque and a church and a
visited a mosque and a church and a
visited a mosque and a church and a Buddhist Hindu and Taoist temple and
Buddhist Hindu and Taoist temple and
Buddhist Hindu and Taoist temple and those last three temples were actually
those last three temples were actually
those last three temples were actually all located on the same Road and what I
all located on the same Road and what I
all located on the same Road and what I witnessed
witnessed
witnessed were people weaving their way in and out
were people weaving their way in and out
were people weaving their way in and out of each of these temples freely sort of
of each of these temples freely sort of
of each of these temples freely sort of peaceful co-existence if you will as
peaceful co-existence if you will as
peaceful co-existence if you will as experiences like this that changed my
experiences like this that changed my
experiences like this that changed my way of thinking and my thoughts on
way of thinking and my thoughts on
way of thinking and my thoughts on believing and my ideas of what made
believing and my ideas of what made
believing and my ideas of what made people happy it was something that I
people happy it was something that I
people happy it was something that I thought the entire world shared is a
thought the entire world shared is a
thought the entire world shared is a viewpoint tcks although having a general
viewpoint tcks although having a general
viewpoint tcks although having a general increased tolerance of differences also
increased tolerance of differences also
increased tolerance of differences also are fairly naive with how the world
are fairly naive with how the world
are fairly naive with how the world actually works and sometimes this
actually works and sometimes this
actually works and sometimes this naivety is met with an awakening from
naivety is met with an awakening from
naivety is met with an awakening from the least suspected source every summer
the least suspected source every summer
the least suspected source every summer we would travel back to the United
we would travel back to the United
we would travel back to the United States and I would spend my days with my
States and I would spend my days with my
States and I would spend my days with my grandmother watching reruns of TV so
grandmother watching reruns of TV so
grandmother watching reruns of TV so actually shows that never made it to
actually shows that never made it to
actually shows that never made it to Malaysia it was actually this refill if
Malaysia it was actually this refill if
Malaysia it was actually this refill if you will of pop culture that in my mind
you will of pop culture that in my mind
you will of pop culture that in my mind truly was my stability of being an
truly was my stability of being an
truly was my stability of being an American it truly was my identity of
American it truly was my identity of
American it truly was my identity of America as this pop culture I remember a
America as this pop culture I remember a
America as this pop culture I remember a summer between my tenth and eleventh
summer between my tenth and eleventh
summer between my tenth and eleventh grade year my grandmother asked me mark
grade year my grandmother asked me mark
grade year my grandmother asked me mark what do you like doing in school my
what do you like doing in school my
what do you like doing in school my response grandma really liked playing
response grandma really liked playing
response grandma really liked playing basketball she said to me why do you
basketball she said to me why do you
basketball she said to me why do you want to play a sport with all those
want to play a sport with all those
want to play a sport with all those sweaty black people every internal alarm
sweaty black people every internal alarm
sweaty black people every internal alarm inside of me went off and I froze and I
inside of me went off and I froze and I
inside of me went off and I froze and I heard my grandmother correctly and I
heard my grandmother correctly and I
heard my grandmother correctly and I took one look across the room of my
took one look across the room of my
took one look across the room of my father and I realized that I had his
father and I realized that I had his
father and I realized that I had his eyes were closed and he was shaking his
eyes were closed and he was shaking his
eyes were closed and he was shaking his head and a sigh was firmly planted on
head and a sigh was firmly planted on
head and a sigh was firmly planted on his face see this was my context my
his face see this was my context my
his face see this was my context my black people if you will
black people if you will
black people if you will my hero at the time was a chemo Lodge
my hero at the time was a chemo Lodge
my hero at the time was a chemo Lodge Awan and he’d just won his first NBA
Awan and he’d just won his first NBA
Awan and he’d just won his first NBA championship
championship
championship he was the NBA MVP he was the Defensive
he was the NBA MVP he was the Defensive
he was the NBA MVP he was the Defensive Player of the Year and he was the world
Player of the Year and he was the world
Player of the Year and he was the world ambassador of basketball just four
ambassador of basketball just four
ambassador of basketball just four months earlier I had got to meet him in
months earlier I had got to meet him in
months earlier I had got to meet him in KL so you can see how it was slightly
KL so you can see how it was slightly
KL so you can see how it was slightly confused and my grandmother’s comments
confused and my grandmother’s comments
confused and my grandmother’s comments there is a time in a ttk life when
there is a time in a ttk life when
there is a time in a ttk life when they’re norm is shattered and this was
they’re norm is shattered and this was
they’re norm is shattered and this was mine I remember back to that moments
mine I remember back to that moments
mine I remember back to that moments many times in my life and I
many times in my life and I
many times in my life and I really appreciate my parents ability to
really appreciate my parents ability to
really appreciate my parents ability to talk me through my confusion and to
talk me through my confusion and to
talk me through my confusion and to continue to raise me to see every color
continue to raise me to see every color
continue to raise me to see every color as beautiful
as beautiful
as beautiful I had to repatriate back to the United
I had to repatriate back to the United
I had to repatriate back to the United States for University and I remember
States for University and I remember
States for University and I remember waving to my parents uneasily as they
waving to my parents uneasily as they
waving to my parents uneasily as they got on a plane to go back to Malaysia
got on a plane to go back to Malaysia
got on a plane to go back to Malaysia for the first time without me
for the first time without me
for the first time without me I was standing firmly on American soil
I was standing firmly on American soil
I was standing firmly on American soil the land of my birthplace and the
the land of my birthplace and the
the land of my birthplace and the country of my passport but definitely a
country of my passport but definitely a
country of my passport but definitely a foreign land and the next three months
foreign land and the next three months
foreign land and the next three months can only be described as comical I
can only be described as comical I
can only be described as comical I assimilated back into Southern
assimilated back into Southern
assimilated back into Southern California living in the same
California living in the same
California living in the same inconspicuous manner as Eddie Murphy
inconspicuous manner as Eddie Murphy
inconspicuous manner as Eddie Murphy blends into New York when he goes and
blends into New York when he goes and
blends into New York when he goes and coming to America I didn’t know how to
coming to America I didn’t know how to
coming to America I didn’t know how to get around I didn’t know what an ATM was
get around I didn’t know what an ATM was
get around I didn’t know what an ATM was used for nor would an ATM machine would
used for nor would an ATM machine would
used for nor would an ATM machine would ever look like I didn’t understand free
ever look like I didn’t understand free
ever look like I didn’t understand free refills on soda and I sure as heck did
refills on soda and I sure as heck did
refills on soda and I sure as heck did not know anything about parking see I
not know anything about parking see I
not know anything about parking see I had learned how to drive in Malaysia
had learned how to drive in Malaysia
had learned how to drive in Malaysia which is fairly saying but the parking
which is fairly saying but the parking
which is fairly saying but the parking is a free-for-all and so when I got my
is a free-for-all and so when I got my
is a free-for-all and so when I got my first ticket for parking with my right
first ticket for parking with my right
first ticket for parking with my right wheels not Alexis I didn’t have a Lexus
wheels not Alexis I didn’t have a Lexus
wheels not Alexis I didn’t have a Lexus back then but when I had when I got my
back then but when I had when I got my
back then but when I had when I got my first ticket for parking with my right
first ticket for parking with my right
first ticket for parking with my right tires more than eighteen inches from the
tires more than eighteen inches from the
tires more than eighteen inches from the curb I knew that I had some things to
curb I knew that I had some things to
curb I knew that I had some things to learn about my homeland and that this
learn about my homeland and that this
learn about my homeland and that this whole reverse culture shock thing was
whole reverse culture shock thing was
whole reverse culture shock thing was real
real
real so I dipped into my TCK bag and I pulled
so I dipped into my TCK bag and I pulled
so I dipped into my TCK bag and I pulled out my adaptability and my flexibility
out my adaptability and my flexibility
out my adaptability and my flexibility see these are things that third culture
see these are things that third culture
see these are things that third culture kids get by having wacky experiences all
kids get by having wacky experiences all
kids get by having wacky experiences all over the world in random situations and
over the world in random situations and
over the world in random situations and I combined it with my knowledge of pop
I combined it with my knowledge of pop
I combined it with my knowledge of pop culture and so to me that meant Seinfeld
culture and so to me that meant Seinfeld
culture and so to me that meant Seinfeld and Michael Jordan Snoop Dogg and
and Michael Jordan Snoop Dogg and
and Michael Jordan Snoop Dogg and Nirvana and playing Nintendo 64
Nirvana and playing Nintendo 64
Nirvana and playing Nintendo 64 Goldeneye and this is really how I
Goldeneye and this is really how I
Goldeneye and this is really how I negotiated the relationships with my new
negotiated the relationships with my new
negotiated the relationships with my new American friends we’ve spent time
American friends we’ve spent time
American friends we’ve spent time bonding over video game tournaments we
bonding over video game tournaments we
bonding over video game tournaments we would play guitar in our dorm rooms and
would play guitar in our dorm rooms and
would play guitar in our dorm rooms and we would spend hours on this basketball
we would spend hours on this basketball
we would spend hours on this basketball court just outside of our dorm rooms
court just outside of our dorm rooms
court just outside of our dorm rooms where I’m sure we were all sweaty see
where I’m sure we were all sweaty see
where I’m sure we were all sweaty see the thing about tcks research has shown
the thing about tcks research has shown
the thing about tcks research has shown that they tend to do better at adapting
that they tend to do better at adapting
that they tend to do better at adapting in new environments in
in new environments in
in new environments in cultures something about a tolerance for
cultures something about a tolerance for
cultures something about a tolerance for differences combined with the fact that
differences combined with the fact that
differences combined with the fact that we need to fit in we have to find our
we need to fit in we have to find our
we need to fit in we have to find our role in some social structure and these
role in some social structure and these
role in some social structure and these skills are transferable way past just
skills are transferable way past just
skills are transferable way past just the social norm into the workplace see
the social norm into the workplace see
the social norm into the workplace see one of the nice things about growing up
one of the nice things about growing up
one of the nice things about growing up overseas is you can’t usually work in
overseas is you can’t usually work in
overseas is you can’t usually work in the country you grow up this I didn’t
the country you grow up this I didn’t
the country you grow up this I didn’t have a job until I was in university but
have a job until I was in university but
have a job until I was in university but I did hold six different jobs before I
I did hold six different jobs before I
I did hold six different jobs before I landed into my current career and in
landed into my current career and in
landed into my current career and in each one of those positions I had to
each one of those positions I had to
each one of those positions I had to negotiate completely different personnel
negotiate completely different personnel
negotiate completely different personnel structures and I had to complete a
structures and I had to complete a
structures and I had to complete a fairly esoteric set of tasks and my
fairly esoteric set of tasks and my
fairly esoteric set of tasks and my adaptability helped me be successful at
adaptability helped me be successful at
adaptability helped me be successful at that adaptability and flexibility will
that adaptability and flexibility will
that adaptability and flexibility will be paramount in the workplace of the
be paramount in the workplace of the
be paramount in the workplace of the future and I’m not talking about some
future and I’m not talking about some
future and I’m not talking about some distant future Amazon four days ago
distant future Amazon four days ago
distant future Amazon four days ago announced the opening of their new store
announced the opening of their new store
announced the opening of their new store that doesn’t have the need for cashiers
that doesn’t have the need for cashiers
that doesn’t have the need for cashiers the human employees at this store will
the human employees at this store will
the human employees at this store will be tasked with customer experience and
be tasked with customer experience and
be tasked with customer experience and since we’ve all been customers before we
since we’ve all been customers before we
since we’ve all been customers before we know that that is not going to rely on a
know that that is not going to rely on a
know that that is not going to rely on a static set of skills students and young
static set of skills students and young
static set of skills students and young adults moving into the workplace will
adults moving into the workplace will
adults moving into the workplace will really need to be able to adapt quickly
really need to be able to adapt quickly
really need to be able to adapt quickly and undertake a wide variety of tasks
and undertake a wide variety of tasks
and undertake a wide variety of tasks simultaneously the last piece that I’d
simultaneously the last piece that I’d
simultaneously the last piece that I’d like to to mention is that of them now
like to to mention is that of them now
like to to mention is that of them now this is a course from one of my favorite
this is a course from one of my favorite
this is a course from one of my favorite songs from my favorite band and time and
songs from my favorite band and time and
songs from my favorite band and time and time again I run into people who are
time again I run into people who are
time again I run into people who are unable to move forward because they’re
unable to move forward because they’re
unable to move forward because they’re holding on to something in the past
holding on to something in the past
holding on to something in the past whether it be mistakes made or missed
whether it be mistakes made or missed
whether it be mistakes made or missed opportunities or just generally a random
opportunities or just generally a random
opportunities or just generally a random dumb turn of luck they’re unable to
dumb turn of luck they’re unable to
dumb turn of luck they’re unable to think what they’re gonna go do because
think what they’re gonna go do because
think what they’re gonna go do because they’re holding onto this past also I
they’re holding onto this past also I
they’re holding onto this past also I see people who spend an inordinate
see people who spend an inordinate
see people who spend an inordinate amount of time imagining and planning
amount of time imagining and planning
amount of time imagining and planning their future and trying to fit little
their future and trying to fit little
their future and trying to fit little pieces together to try to make it a
pieces together to try to make it a
pieces together to try to make it a reality instead of just enjoying now the
reality instead of just enjoying now the
reality instead of just enjoying now the moment you’re living right now
moment you’re living right now
moment you’re living right now and I think that the most
and I think that the most
and I think that the most powerful thing about growing up as a TCK
powerful thing about growing up as a TCK
powerful thing about growing up as a TCK was it taught me how to live now see I
was it taught me how to live now see I
was it taught me how to live now see I think it comes a little bit from having
think it comes a little bit from having
think it comes a little bit from having no stability whatsoever my friends would
no stability whatsoever my friends would
no stability whatsoever my friends would constantly come and go and my world was
constantly come and go and my world was
constantly come and go and my world was constantly changing and I learned pretty
constantly changing and I learned pretty
constantly changing and I learned pretty quickly that I couldn’t rely on the
quickly that I couldn’t rely on the
quickly that I couldn’t rely on the future to stay the same and there’s no
future to stay the same and there’s no
future to stay the same and there’s no point in looking back at a past that you
point in looking back at a past that you
point in looking back at a past that you couldn’t change this has a fairly
couldn’t change this has a fairly
couldn’t change this has a fairly valuable side-effect ctc Caves are
valuable side-effect ctc Caves are
valuable side-effect ctc Caves are pretty good at dealing with change and
pretty good at dealing with change and
pretty good at dealing with change and massive upheaval so if you said a little
massive upheaval so if you said a little
massive upheaval so if you said a little better we generally have a pretty good
better we generally have a pretty good
better we generally have a pretty good plan but were not very good boxers if
plan but were not very good boxers if
plan but were not very good boxers if you asked a young mark where he was from
you asked a young mark where he was from
you asked a young mark where he was from he would say America if you asked the
he would say America if you asked the
he would say America if you asked the college-aged mark who was living in
college-aged mark who was living in
college-aged mark who was living in America where he was from he would most
America where he was from he would most
America where he was from he would most definitely say Malaysia and if you ask
definitely say Malaysia and if you ask
definitely say Malaysia and if you ask the mark standing on stage right now
the mark standing on stage right now
the mark standing on stage right now where he’s from well I’ll just say that
where he’s from well I’ll just say that
where he’s from well I’ll just say that I’m from the same multiverse that we all
I’m from the same multiverse that we all
I’m from the same multiverse that we all currently inhabit but I do know where I
currently inhabit but I do know where I
currently inhabit but I do know where I belong and that’s right here right now
belong and that’s right here right now
belong and that’s right here right now with all of you enjoying the TEDx event
with all of you enjoying the TEDx event
with all of you enjoying the TEDx event parents take your kids traveling take
parents take your kids traveling take
parents take your kids traveling take them all over the world and kids tag
them all over the world and kids tag
them all over the world and kids tag along even if you don’t think you want
along even if you don’t think you want
along even if you don’t think you want to I guarantee you you’ll gain some
to I guarantee you you’ll gain some
to I guarantee you you’ll gain some insights that will be valuable later in
insights that will be valuable later in
insights that will be valuable later in your life and who knows maybe somewhere
your life and who knows maybe somewhere
your life and who knows maybe somewhere down the road in some far-off distant
down the road in some far-off distant
down the road in some far-off distant part of the world you’ll run into
part of the world you’ll run into
part of the world you’ll run into someone you haven’t seen for 20 years
someone you haven’t seen for 20 years
someone you haven’t seen for 20 years since you shared a full-page yearbook
since you shared a full-page yearbook
since you shared a full-page yearbook spread with them thank you
spread with them thank you
spread with them thank you [Applause]
”
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