hello everyone my name is Zack Ibrahim but I was born Abdul Aziz as Sayyad
but I was born Abdul Aziz as Sayyad
but I was born Abdul Aziz as Sayyad Nosair my identity changed out of
Nosair my identity changed out of
Nosair my identity changed out of necessity on a November evening in 1992
necessity on a November evening in 1992
necessity on a November evening in 1992 bullets would change the trajectory of
bullets would change the trajectory of
bullets would change the trajectory of my life I was 7 years old my mother sat
my life I was 7 years old my mother sat
my life I was 7 years old my mother sat down in the living room to watch
down in the living room to watch
down in the living room to watch television while I cleared plates from
television while I cleared plates from
television while I cleared plates from the kitchen table when I’d finished I
the kitchen table when I’d finished I
the kitchen table when I’d finished I went upstairs to read and eventually
went upstairs to read and eventually
went upstairs to read and eventually drifted to sleep downstairs breaking
drifted to sleep downstairs breaking
drifted to sleep downstairs breaking news flashed across the television the
news flashed across the television the
news flashed across the television the extremist rabbi meir Kahana had been
extremist rabbi meir Kahana had been
extremist rabbi meir Kahana had been shot in New York and so it his assassin
shot in New York and so it his assassin
shot in New York and so it his assassin the camera cut to footage of the
the camera cut to footage of the
the camera cut to footage of the assassin my father laying in a pool of
assassin my father laying in a pool of
assassin my father laying in a pool of blood
blood
blood neither were expected to live my mother
neither were expected to live my mother
neither were expected to live my mother watched as they put my father into an
watched as they put my father into an
watched as they put my father into an ambulance this would be my family’s
ambulance this would be my family’s
ambulance this would be my family’s first introduction to terrorism but
first introduction to terrorism but
first introduction to terrorism but unfortunately not its last a few months
unfortunately not its last a few months
unfortunately not its last a few months prior to his arrest my father sat me
prior to his arrest my father sat me
prior to his arrest my father sat me down and explained that for the past few
down and explained that for the past few
down and explained that for the past few weekends he and some friends had been
weekends he and some friends had been
weekends he and some friends had been going to a shooting range for target
going to a shooting range for target
going to a shooting range for target practice he told me I’d be going with
practice he told me I’d be going with
practice he told me I’d be going with him the next morning we arrived at the
him the next morning we arrived at the
him the next morning we arrived at the shooting range which unbeknownst to our
shooting range which unbeknownst to our
shooting range which unbeknownst to our group was being watched by the FBI when
group was being watched by the FBI when
group was being watched by the FBI when it was my turn to shoot my father helped
it was my turn to shoot my father helped
it was my turn to shoot my father helped me hold a rifle to my shoulder and
me hold a rifle to my shoulder and
me hold a rifle to my shoulder and explained how to aim at a target about
explained how to aim at a target about
explained how to aim at a target about 30 yards off that day this the last
30 yards off that day this the last
30 yards off that day this the last bullet I shot hit the small orange light
bullet I shot hit the small orange light
bullet I shot hit the small orange light that sat on top of the target and to
that sat on top of the target and to
that sat on top of the target and to everyone’s surprise especially mine the
everyone’s surprise especially mine the
everyone’s surprise especially mine the light exploded my uncle turned to the
light exploded my uncle turned to the
light exploded my uncle turned to the other men and an Arabic said
other men and an Arabic said
other men and an Arabic said if Nabu like father like son and the men
if Nabu like father like son and the men
if Nabu like father like son and the men all seemed to get a really big laugh out
all seemed to get a really big laugh out
all seemed to get a really big laugh out of that comment but it wasn’t until a
of that comment but it wasn’t until a
of that comment but it wasn’t until a few years later that I fully understood
few years later that I fully understood
few years later that I fully understood what they thought was so funny they
what they thought was so funny they
what they thought was so funny they thought they saw me the same destruction
thought they saw me the same destruction
thought they saw me the same destruction my father was capable of shortly after
my father was capable of shortly after
my father was capable of shortly after the assassination my father was found
the assassination my father was found
the assassination my father was found guilty of assault and weapons charges
guilty of assault and weapons charges
guilty of assault and weapons charges and sentenced to a minimum of seven
and sentenced to a minimum of seven
and sentenced to a minimum of seven years in prison he maintained his
years in prison he maintained his
years in prison he maintained his innocence throughout the trial and was
innocence throughout the trial and was
innocence throughout the trial and was initially found not guilty of a murder
initially found not guilty of a murder
initially found not guilty of a murder and so my family believed him my mother
and so my family believed him my mother
and so my family believed him my mother tried her best to shield me from the
tried her best to shield me from the
tried her best to shield me from the fallout of my father’s trial from the
fallout of my father’s trial from the
fallout of my father’s trial from the death threats the media lawyers the FBI
death threats the media lawyers the FBI
death threats the media lawyers the FBI being ostracized everywhere we went
being ostracized everywhere we went
being ostracized everywhere we went hoping to escape the spotlight my mother
hoping to escape the spotlight my mother
hoping to escape the spotlight my mother decided to take my siblings and I to
decided to take my siblings and I to
decided to take my siblings and I to Egypt to visit my father’s side of the
Egypt to visit my father’s side of the
Egypt to visit my father’s side of the family what happened next
family what happened next
family what happened next illustrate how surreal my life was
illustrate how surreal my life was
illustrate how surreal my life was becoming when we exited the airport in
becoming when we exited the airport in
becoming when we exited the airport in Cairo we were met by a group of soldiers
Cairo we were met by a group of soldiers
Cairo we were met by a group of soldiers who were there to protect my family
who were there to protect my family
who were there to protect my family during our stay snipers were positioned
during our stay snipers were positioned
during our stay snipers were positioned on the rooftops around our apartment
on the rooftops around our apartment
on the rooftops around our apartment building while men in uniform guarded
building while men in uniform guarded
building while men in uniform guarded Lobby and at the same time historical
Lobby and at the same time historical
Lobby and at the same time historical monuments like the Pyramids at Giza were
monuments like the Pyramids at Giza were
monuments like the Pyramids at Giza were closed off to tourists allowing my
closed off to tourists allowing my
closed off to tourists allowing my family to have a private tour soldiers
family to have a private tour soldiers
family to have a private tour soldiers in tow the security seemed excessive to
in tow the security seemed excessive to
in tow the security seemed excessive to a young kid like me but as it turned out
a young kid like me but as it turned out
a young kid like me but as it turned out I couldn’t have been more wrong one
I couldn’t have been more wrong one
I couldn’t have been more wrong one afternoon while I was playing with some
afternoon while I was playing with some
afternoon while I was playing with some friends outside a strange man who
friends outside a strange man who
friends outside a strange man who mistook my cousin for me attempted to
mistook my cousin for me attempted to
mistook my cousin for me attempted to kidnap him the soldiers caught the man
kidnap him the soldiers caught the man
kidnap him the soldiers caught the man and dragged him back to their truck I
and dragged him back to their truck I
and dragged him back to their truck I remember his face bloody and beaten it
remember his face bloody and beaten it
remember his face bloody and beaten it almost seemed like a movie an infamous
almost seemed like a movie an infamous
almost seemed like a movie an infamous terrorist father armed guards and a
terrorist father armed guards and a
terrorist father armed guards and a foiled kidnapping attempt the next
foiled kidnapping attempt the next
foiled kidnapping attempt the next chapter in my life returning home to the
chapter in my life returning home to the
chapter in my life returning home to the US would not
US would not
US would not any less dramatic my family and I were
any less dramatic my family and I were
any less dramatic my family and I were trying to hold on to any scrap of
trying to hold on to any scrap of
trying to hold on to any scrap of normalcy that we could find but my
normalcy that we could find but my
normalcy that we could find but my father had been busy making his own
father had been busy making his own
father had been busy making his own plans from his prison cell he was found
plans from his prison cell he was found
plans from his prison cell he was found to have connections directly to Osama
to have connections directly to Osama
to have connections directly to Osama bin Laden and the organization that
bin Laden and the organization that
bin Laden and the organization that would ultimately become al Qaeda wiretap
would ultimately become al Qaeda wiretap
would ultimately become al Qaeda wiretap and an undercover informant found
and an undercover informant found
and an undercover informant found evidence of bomb-making manuals and a
evidence of bomb-making manuals and a
evidence of bomb-making manuals and a plot to bomb major New York City
plot to bomb major New York City
plot to bomb major New York City landmarks with this new evidence my
landmarks with this new evidence my
landmarks with this new evidence my father was retried for the Kahana murder
father was retried for the Kahana murder
father was retried for the Kahana murder among other crimes and sentenced to
among other crimes and sentenced to
among other crimes and sentenced to spend the rest of his life in prison
because of this my family decided to end
because of this my family decided to end communication with him trying our best
communication with him trying our best
communication with him trying our best to start a new life outside of the
to start a new life outside of the
to start a new life outside of the shadow my father cast is there any
shadow my father cast is there any
shadow my father cast is there any emotion that exists more effortlessly
emotion that exists more effortlessly
emotion that exists more effortlessly than that of the love between a parent
than that of the love between a parent
than that of the love between a parent and a child
and a child
and a child and yet here I stand caught between the
and yet here I stand caught between the
and yet here I stand caught between the love that one naturally feels and the
love that one naturally feels and the
love that one naturally feels and the recognition that not only did my father
recognition that not only did my father
recognition that not only did my father abandoned his family to commit these
abandoned his family to commit these
abandoned his family to commit these horrific acts he did so knowingly twice
these emotions are confusing to me as a
these emotions are confusing to me as a grown man can you imagine what that’s
grown man can you imagine what that’s
grown man can you imagine what that’s like for a child in 2014 I gave a TED
like for a child in 2014 I gave a TED
like for a child in 2014 I gave a TED talk in which I shared my life story
talk in which I shared my life story
talk in which I shared my life story publicly the story of an American boy
publicly the story of an American boy
publicly the story of an American boy raised by an extremist father
raised by an extremist father
raised by an extremist father the day after my talk Ted approached me
the day after my talk Ted approached me
the day after my talk Ted approached me about doing the first ted book in print
about doing the first ted book in print
about doing the first ted book in print and that book would become the terrorist
and that book would become the terrorist
and that book would become the terrorist son a story of choice I knew that outing
son a story of choice I knew that outing
son a story of choice I knew that outing myself would be risky but I also knew
myself would be risky but I also knew
myself would be risky but I also knew that there was a value in the lessons
that there was a value in the lessons
that there was a value in the lessons that I learned from my experiences one
that I learned from my experiences one
that I learned from my experiences one morning I woke up to find an email from
morning I woke up to find an email from
morning I woke up to find an email from the Bureau of Prisons saying that my
the Bureau of Prisons saying that my
the Bureau of Prisons saying that my father would like to begin communication
father would like to begin communication
father would like to begin communication with me it had been more than ten years
with me it had been more than ten years
with me it had been more than ten years since we last spoke the email said I had
since we last spoke the email said I had
since we last spoke the email said I had ten days to decide yes or no to the
ten days to decide yes or no to the
ten days to decide yes or no to the communication now the truth is before I
communication now the truth is before I
communication now the truth is before I ever started speaking publicly I had
ever started speaking publicly I had
ever started speaking publicly I had contemplated getting in contact with my
contemplated getting in contact with my
contemplated getting in contact with my father I wanted to ask him why he chose
father I wanted to ask him why he chose
father I wanted to ask him why he chose the path he did was it for his faith
the path he did was it for his faith
the path he did was it for his faith fame did he feel some overwhelming need
fame did he feel some overwhelming need
fame did he feel some overwhelming need to be a part of something greater than
to be a part of something greater than
to be a part of something greater than himself
himself
himself if so why wasn’t his family enough I
if so why wasn’t his family enough I
if so why wasn’t his family enough I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear the
wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear the
wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear the answers to these questions but every
answers to these questions but every
answers to these questions but every part of me felt like I had to know I
part of me felt like I had to know I
part of me felt like I had to know I thought what if he died in prison and I
thought what if he died in prison and I
thought what if he died in prison and I never got this opportunity again I would
never got this opportunity again I would
never got this opportunity again I would ask what would you do if you were me I
ask what would you do if you were me I
ask what would you do if you were me I clicked yes I told my father about life
clicked yes I told my father about life
clicked yes I told my father about life after he went to prison about being poor
after he went to prison about being poor
after he went to prison about being poor moving from ghetto to ghetto
moving from ghetto to ghetto
moving from ghetto to ghetto being bullied and the anxiety that
being bullied and the anxiety that
being bullied and the anxiety that manifested from those experiences it was
manifested from those experiences it was
manifested from those experiences it was important to me that he understand how
important to me that he understand how
important to me that he understand how hard life was after he left particularly
hard life was after he left particularly
hard life was after he left particularly how hard it was for my mother I told him
how hard it was for my mother I told him
how hard it was for my mother I told him that I was no longer a Muslim but I’d
that I was no longer a Muslim but I’d
that I was no longer a Muslim but I’d like to make it a point to say that I
like to make it a point to say that I
like to make it a point to say that I didn’t leave the religion because of my
didn’t leave the religion because of my
didn’t leave the religion because of my father’s actions I knew that what he did
father’s actions I knew that what he did
father’s actions I knew that what he did was well outside of mainstream Islam I
was well outside of mainstream Islam I
was well outside of mainstream Islam I simply lost my faith however I’ve had
simply lost my faith however I’ve had
simply lost my faith however I’ve had the privilege of working with people all
the privilege of working with people all
the privilege of working with people all over the world who believe very strongly
over the world who believe very strongly
over the world who believe very strongly in their faith and in the pursuit of
in their faith and in the pursuit of
in their faith and in the pursuit of peace working together to create a world
peace working together to create a world
peace working together to create a world where people of all religions or none at
where people of all religions or none at
where people of all religions or none at all can come together in solidarity
all can come together in solidarity
all can come together in solidarity after I told him this his emails began
after I told him this his emails began
after I told him this his emails began to take a different tone he became
to take a different tone he became
to take a different tone he became suspicious of my questions going so far
suspicious of my questions going so far
suspicious of my questions going so far as to ask if I was somehow trying to
as to ask if I was somehow trying to
as to ask if I was somehow trying to incriminate him all of those questions
incriminate him all of those questions
incriminate him all of those questions that I had pondered for much of my life
that I had pondered for much of my life
that I had pondered for much of my life he summed up by saying that it was
he summed up by saying that it was
he summed up by saying that it was simply God’s plan to say this answer was
simply God’s plan to say this answer was
simply God’s plan to say this answer was disheartening would be an understatement
disheartening would be an understatement
disheartening would be an understatement and ultimately our conversation became
and ultimately our conversation became
and ultimately our conversation became unhealthy so once again I ended
unhealthy so once again I ended
unhealthy so once again I ended communication
communication
communication it took me a long time to sort through
it took me a long time to sort through
it took me a long time to sort through all of the emotions that our
all of the emotions that our
all of the emotions that our conversation had brought to the surface
conversation had brought to the surface
conversation had brought to the surface but in that time I realized that
but in that time I realized that
but in that time I realized that although not what I wanted to hear he
although not what I wanted to hear he
although not what I wanted to hear he had actually given me the answers that I
had actually given me the answers that I
had actually given me the answers that I have been looking for his beliefs led to
have been looking for his beliefs led to
have been looking for his beliefs led to a narrow and oversimplified worldview
a narrow and oversimplified worldview
a narrow and oversimplified worldview one in which a person’s religion was all
one in which a person’s religion was all
one in which a person’s religion was all that was needed to determine that
that was needed to determine that
that was needed to determine that person’s worth and yet I felt as though
person’s worth and yet I felt as though
person’s worth and yet I felt as though a weight had been lifted from me and I
a weight had been lifted from me and I
a weight had been lifted from me and I realized that I no longer needed his
realized that I no longer needed his
realized that I no longer needed his answers in a sense that set me free
wherever I speak the subject inevitably
wherever I speak the subject inevitably turns to groups like Isis and what we
turns to groups like Isis and what we
turns to groups like Isis and what we can do as individuals to combat those
can do as individuals to combat those
can do as individuals to combat those willing to go to such brutal lengths for
willing to go to such brutal lengths for
willing to go to such brutal lengths for their beliefs and there are a lot of
their beliefs and there are a lot of
their beliefs and there are a lot of complicated answers to this question
complicated answers to this question
complicated answers to this question there is no one path that a person takes
there is no one path that a person takes
there is no one path that a person takes but the simplest answer that I can give
but the simplest answer that I can give
but the simplest answer that I can give you is to say don’t give in to fear do
you is to say don’t give in to fear do
you is to say don’t give in to fear do not allow the actions of a radical group
not allow the actions of a radical group
not allow the actions of a radical group to alter society in a way that further
to alter society in a way that further
to alter society in a way that further alienates nonviolent citizens
alienates nonviolent citizens
alienates nonviolent citizens marginalized by a fearful majority
marginalized by a fearful majority
marginalized by a fearful majority groups like Isis traffic in fear and
groups like Isis traffic in fear and
groups like Isis traffic in fear and vengeance they use these emotions to
vengeance they use these emotions to
vengeance they use these emotions to fill their ranks religion is used simply
fill their ranks religion is used simply
fill their ranks religion is used simply to cloak the intentions of men like Abu
to cloak the intentions of men like Abu
to cloak the intentions of men like Abu Bakr al-baghdadi the leader of Isis but
Bakr al-baghdadi the leader of Isis but
Bakr al-baghdadi the leader of Isis but it is those human emotions fear
it is those human emotions fear
it is those human emotions fear vengeance the isolation that binds the
vengeance the isolation that binds the
vengeance the isolation that binds the rank and file whenever we divide people
rank and file whenever we divide people
rank and file whenever we divide people into smaller and smaller groups based on
into smaller and smaller groups based on
into smaller and smaller groups based on one arbitrary distinction or another we
one arbitrary distinction or another we
one arbitrary distinction or another we create communities engrained with
create communities engrained with
create communities engrained with hostility toward one another as I mature
hostility toward one another as I mature
hostility toward one another as I mature I realize the only way that I can
I realize the only way that I can
I realize the only way that I can overcome the challenges of my past which
overcome the challenges of my past which
overcome the challenges of my past which at times has been crippling is to help
at times has been crippling is to help
at times has been crippling is to help others understand that hatred only
others understand that hatred only
others understand that hatred only produces more hate but belief in
produces more hate but belief in
produces more hate but belief in non-violence at least provides an
non-violence at least provides an
non-violence at least provides an opportunity
opportunity
opportunity to heal I stand here as proof that those
to heal I stand here as proof that those
to heal I stand here as proof that those cycles of violence no matter how old
cycles of violence no matter how old
cycles of violence no matter how old don’t have to continue forever thank you
don’t have to continue forever thank you
don’t have to continue forever thank you [Applause]
”
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