[Applause] tell your story change the conversation
tell your story change the conversation
tell your story change the conversation organized by students TEDx youth at shc
organized by students TEDx youth at shc
organized by students TEDx youth at shc if I had to describe my life as an
if I had to describe my life as an
if I had to describe my life as an immigrant in one way I would say it’s a
immigrant in one way I would say it’s a
immigrant in one way I would say it’s a life between perspectives it kind of
life between perspectives it kind of
life between perspectives it kind of reminds me of one of my favorite books
reminds me of one of my favorite books
reminds me of one of my favorite books it’s from the series His Dark Materials
it’s from the series His Dark Materials
it’s from the series His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman and part of the
by Philip Pullman and part of the
by Philip Pullman and part of the concept is about these different worlds
concept is about these different worlds
concept is about these different worlds stacked on top of each other yet
stacked on top of each other yet
stacked on top of each other yet occupying the same space and I am the
occupying the same space and I am the
occupying the same space and I am the character with the subtle knife that
character with the subtle knife that
character with the subtle knife that gives me the ability to cut into them
gives me the ability to cut into them
gives me the ability to cut into them layer by layer I’m talking about the
layer by layer I’m talking about the
layer by layer I’m talking about the reality that lives inside my house at my
reality that lives inside my house at my
reality that lives inside my house at my dinner table and the reality outside of
dinner table and the reality outside of
dinner table and the reality outside of it the lives of my parents versus the
it the lives of my parents versus the
it the lives of my parents versus the lives of many of my peers teachers and
lives of many of my peers teachers and
lives of many of my peers teachers and Friends parents I can see the merits and
Friends parents I can see the merits and
Friends parents I can see the merits and values and shortcomings of both of these
values and shortcomings of both of these
values and shortcomings of both of these realities with the people within them
realities with the people within them
realities with the people within them are stuck in their own reality because
are stuck in their own reality because
are stuck in their own reality because they don’t have this subtle knife they
they don’t have this subtle knife they
they don’t have this subtle knife they don’t realize that the ground they walk
don’t realize that the ground they walk
don’t realize that the ground they walk on is part of more than one reality so
on is part of more than one reality so
on is part of more than one reality so let me tell you a little bit about my
let me tell you a little bit about my
let me tell you a little bit about my true realities my American reality and
true realities my American reality and
true realities my American reality and my immigrant reality they clash often
my immigrant reality they clash often
my immigrant reality they clash often for example they give me different
for example they give me different
for example they give me different ideals on love I find my American
ideals on love I find my American
ideals on love I find my American reality in the romantic stories my
reality in the romantic stories my
reality in the romantic stories my teachers telling me in school stories
teachers telling me in school stories
teachers telling me in school stories about you know buying vegan pizza for
about you know buying vegan pizza for
about you know buying vegan pizza for your vegan wife to protest Valentine’s
your vegan wife to protest Valentine’s
your vegan wife to protest Valentine’s Day or running errands for your wife and
Day or running errands for your wife and
Day or running errands for your wife and accidentally running into your students
accidentally running into your students
accidentally running into your students at Victoria’s Secret and showing your
at Victoria’s Secret and showing your
at Victoria’s Secret and showing your girlfriend you’re a college ho house
girlfriend you’re a college ho house
girlfriend you’re a college ho house infested with cockroaches without
infested with cockroaches without
infested with cockroaches without windows and disgusting but her marrying
windows and disgusting but her marrying
windows and disgusting but her marrying you anyways I kind of feed off these
you anyways I kind of feed off these
you anyways I kind of feed off these stories sometimes make them draw me
stories sometimes make them draw me
stories sometimes make them draw me perfect circles when I know my parents
perfect circles when I know my parents
perfect circles when I know my parents will drop the pen they’re sweet and
will drop the pen they’re sweet and
will drop the pen they’re sweet and funny and reassuring and optimistic I
funny and reassuring and optimistic I
funny and reassuring and optimistic I shared them with my mom to humor and she
shared them with my mom to humor and she
shared them with my mom to humor and she laughs but she
laughs but she
laughs but she helps them you can’t actually know how
helps them you can’t actually know how
helps them you can’t actually know how people live and what they think and what
people live and what they think and what
people live and what they think and what they feel from a distance she tried Smee
they feel from a distance she tried Smee
they feel from a distance she tried Smee the reality of being in love is too far
the reality of being in love is too far
the reality of being in love is too far from her for her to believe in its
from her for her to believe in its
from her for her to believe in its existence my parents tell me to be
existence my parents tell me to be
existence my parents tell me to be practical because when they went to
practical because when they went to
practical because when they went to school they were publicly ranked half
school they were publicly ranked half
school they were publicly ranked half their classmates didn’t get into college
their classmates didn’t get into college
their classmates didn’t get into college and because they were raised by parents
and because they were raised by parents
and because they were raised by parents who watched a country be torn in two and
who watched a country be torn in two and
who watched a country be torn in two and claw its way back to prosperity because
claw its way back to prosperity because
claw its way back to prosperity because for a woman who had to give up her
for a woman who had to give up her
for a woman who had to give up her dreams the world is a competitive
dreams the world is a competitive
dreams the world is a competitive luckless unforgiving place and because
luckless unforgiving place and because
luckless unforgiving place and because entitlement is not a neuro cab you Larry
entitlement is not a neuro cab you Larry
entitlement is not a neuro cab you Larry literally and figuratively my teachers
literally and figuratively my teachers
literally and figuratively my teachers tell me do what you love do what makes
tell me do what you love do what makes
tell me do what you love do what makes you happy do what you’re passionate
you happy do what you’re passionate
you happy do what you’re passionate about life will be sweet success will be
about life will be sweet success will be
about life will be sweet success will be yours they speak from their heart
yours they speak from their heart
yours they speak from their heart believing that what they’re giving me
believing that what they’re giving me
believing that what they’re giving me are moral truths but to me they’re only
are moral truths but to me they’re only
are moral truths but to me they’re only perspectives and although these two
perspectives and although these two
perspectives and although these two realities may seem at odds with each
realities may seem at odds with each
realities may seem at odds with each other they’re actually derived from the
other they’re actually derived from the
other they’re actually derived from the same sources they both come from the
same sources they both come from the
same sources they both come from the backgrounds and the experiences of the
backgrounds and the experiences of the
backgrounds and the experiences of the people who live within them and so
people who live within them and so
people who live within them and so naturally they are different so let me
naturally they are different so let me
naturally they are different so let me tell you a little bit about how my
tell you a little bit about how my
tell you a little bit about how my parents got to adopt their perspective
parents got to adopt their perspective
parents got to adopt their perspective my parents and I immigrated here in the
my parents and I immigrated here in the
my parents and I immigrated here in the year 2001 when I was only 8 year old my
year 2001 when I was only 8 year old my
year 2001 when I was only 8 year old my mom is a city girl from Seoul in college
mom is a city girl from Seoul in college
mom is a city girl from Seoul in college she majored in Thai but just because she
she majored in Thai but just because she
she majored in Thai but just because she didn’t make the cup for English she
didn’t make the cup for English she
didn’t make the cup for English she still had a lot of fun though she broke
still had a lot of fun though she broke
still had a lot of fun though she broke up with guys she thought were too short
up with guys she thought were too short
up with guys she thought were too short too needy too bad-looking
too needy too bad-looking
too needy too bad-looking she got so drunk at a party on beer she
she got so drunk at a party on beer she
she got so drunk at a party on beer she fell off her chair she was nuts and it’s
fell off her chair she was nuts and it’s
fell off her chair she was nuts and it’s kind of hard for me to imagine my mom as
kind of hard for me to imagine my mom as
kind of hard for me to imagine my mom as this ruthless reckless unapologetic
this ruthless reckless unapologetic
this ruthless reckless unapologetic college girl though because in present
college girl though because in present
college girl though because in present day she hands me her phone so I can
day she hands me her phone so I can
day she hands me her phone so I can proofread her emails she smiles quietly
proofread her emails she smiles quietly
proofread her emails she smiles quietly at band events and I’ve never heard her
at band events and I’ve never heard her
at band events and I’ve never heard her speak Thai
speak Thai
speak Thai when my dad left for America my mom
when my dad left for America my mom
when my dad left for America my mom lingered
lingered
lingered I think clinging on to the life that she
I think clinging on to the life that she
I think clinging on to the life that she loved but eventually societal and
loved but eventually societal and
loved but eventually societal and parental pressures squeeze the fight out
parental pressures squeeze the fight out
parental pressures squeeze the fight out of her until she was left with two
of her until she was left with two
of her until she was left with two options either stay in Korea raise her
options either stay in Korea raise her
options either stay in Korea raise her baby daughter alone and divorced her
baby daughter alone and divorced her
baby daughter alone and divorced her year-old husband or leave and she chose
year-old husband or leave and she chose
year-old husband or leave and she chose the second and but after a few months in
the second and but after a few months in
the second and but after a few months in America my mom quickly realized what
America my mom quickly realized what
America my mom quickly realized what she’d given up proximity to her family
she’d given up proximity to her family
she’d given up proximity to her family the companionship of her friends and her
the companionship of her friends and her
the companionship of her friends and her independence all fizzled away in the
independence all fizzled away in the
independence all fizzled away in the face of 5650 miles of ocean language
face of 5650 miles of ocean language
face of 5650 miles of ocean language barriers and the life of stay-at-home
barriers and the life of stay-at-home
barriers and the life of stay-at-home mom and so she and my dad fought a lot
mom and so she and my dad fought a lot
mom and so she and my dad fought a lot I remember my uncle came to visit they
I remember my uncle came to visit they
I remember my uncle came to visit they still fought he asked them home come on
still fought he asked them home come on
still fought he asked them home come on they know come on a hill no please stop
they know come on a hill no please stop
they know come on a hill no please stop no please stop but they didn’t stop and
no please stop but they didn’t stop and
no please stop but they didn’t stop and the title of my talk comes from a book
the title of my talk comes from a book
the title of my talk comes from a book that we read in AP English language it’s
that we read in AP English language it’s
that we read in AP English language it’s called white teeth by zotti Smith and I
called white teeth by zotti Smith and I
called white teeth by zotti Smith and I think a quote from it can perfectly
think a quote from it can perfectly
think a quote from it can perfectly explain why my parents are this way
explain why my parents are this way
explain why my parents are this way Smith says this is the thing about
Smith says this is the thing about
Smith says this is the thing about immigrants they cannot escape their
immigrants they cannot escape their
immigrants they cannot escape their history any more than you yourself can
history any more than you yourself can
history any more than you yourself can escape your shadow and so my parents
escape your shadow and so my parents
escape your shadow and so my parents could not and cannot stop fighting
could not and cannot stop fighting
could not and cannot stop fighting because they have too much history
because they have too much history
because they have too much history between them to share the same bed and
between them to share the same bed and
between them to share the same bed and dream the same dreams the authoritarian
dream the same dreams the authoritarian
dream the same dreams the authoritarian hand in the past is always gripping them
hand in the past is always gripping them
hand in the past is always gripping them in the present everyday they live in
in the present everyday they live in
in the present everyday they live in this reality my mom laughed the most
this reality my mom laughed the most
this reality my mom laughed the most when she calls my brother her brother my
when she calls my brother her brother my
when she calls my brother her brother my uncle her favorite day is Saturday
uncle her favorite day is Saturday
uncle her favorite day is Saturday because that’s when my sister goes to
because that’s when my sister goes to
because that’s when my sister goes to Korean school and she gets to have
Korean school and she gets to have
Korean school and she gets to have coffee with the other moms
coffee with the other moms
coffee with the other moms there’s some of the few people who she
there’s some of the few people who she
there’s some of the few people who she believes understands her she finds joy
believes understands her she finds joy
believes understands her she finds joy in walking my dog and listening to
in walking my dog and listening to
in walking my dog and listening to Korean talk shows the reality she lives
Korean talk shows the reality she lives
Korean talk shows the reality she lives in is too far from the reality of my
in is too far from the reality of my
in is too far from the reality of my friends and their parents and my
friends and their parents and my
friends and their parents and my teachers for her to have the same
teachers for her to have the same
teachers for her to have the same worldview she’s here
worldview she’s here
worldview she’s here she could have been somewhere else she’s
she could have been somewhere else she’s
she could have been somewhere else she’s here and she didn’t want to be and she
here and she didn’t want to be and she
here and she didn’t want to be and she still doesn’t want to be but she cannot
still doesn’t want to be but she cannot
still doesn’t want to be but she cannot change your situation I’m telling you
change your situation I’m telling you
change your situation I’m telling you this story to show you where my mom has
this story to show you where my mom has
this story to show you where my mom has gotten her perspective from that these
gotten her perspective from that these
gotten her perspective from that these experiences and what they have made her
experiences and what they have made her
experiences and what they have made her life to be have given her her worldview
life to be have given her her worldview
life to be have given her her worldview for example when I asked her this very
for example when I asked her this very
for example when I asked her this very simple question in preparation for this
simple question in preparation for this
simple question in preparation for this talk what have you learned from your
talk what have you learned from your
talk what have you learned from your life as an immigrant her response was
life as an immigrant her response was
life as an immigrant her response was quick and searching um
quick and searching um
quick and searching um I think I’ve learned that it’s best for
I think I’ve learned that it’s best for
I think I’ve learned that it’s best for Koreans to live in Korea anything else I
Koreans to live in Korea anything else I
Koreans to live in Korea anything else I shot again um
shot again um
shot again um I think people need to give up their
I think people need to give up their
I think people need to give up their fantasy that immigration will make their
fantasy that immigration will make their
fantasy that immigration will make their lives better or help them achieve their
lives better or help them achieve their
lives better or help them achieve their dreams in any way I felt frustrated at
dreams in any way I felt frustrated at
dreams in any way I felt frustrated at her cold hard uninspiring reality I felt
her cold hard uninspiring reality I felt
her cold hard uninspiring reality I felt angry that she didn’t give me something
angry that she didn’t give me something
angry that she didn’t give me something funny and sweet and reassuring and
funny and sweet and reassuring and
funny and sweet and reassuring and optimistic some sort of silver lining
optimistic some sort of silver lining
optimistic some sort of silver lining that made all our disappointments worth
that made all our disappointments worth
that made all our disappointments worth it and made a happy ending but I knew
it and made a happy ending but I knew
it and made a happy ending but I knew she couldn’t because the reality she
she couldn’t because the reality she
she couldn’t because the reality she lived in made her believe this sometimes
lived in made her believe this sometimes
lived in made her believe this sometimes my two different realities threatened to
my two different realities threatened to
my two different realities threatened to crash miss seat and swerving like two
crash miss seat and swerving like two
crash miss seat and swerving like two cars and tangent circles of friends
cars and tangent circles of friends
cars and tangent circles of friends parents or a teacher asked me if they
parents or a teacher asked me if they
parents or a teacher asked me if they want if they can have dinner with my
want if they can have dinner with my
want if they can have dinner with my parents at some social event maybe and I
parents at some social event maybe and I
parents at some social event maybe and I smile and I feel genuine excitement but
smile and I feel genuine excitement but
smile and I feel genuine excitement but I know that it won’t happen
I know that it won’t happen
I know that it won’t happen my parents signed up to volunteer at
my parents signed up to volunteer at
my parents signed up to volunteer at Youth Orchestra I hope they’ll fit in at
Youth Orchestra I hope they’ll fit in at
Youth Orchestra I hope they’ll fit in at the tour committee planning meeting I
the tour committee planning meeting I
the tour committee planning meeting I know they will not make any friends
know they will not make any friends
know they will not make any friends sometimes I want to force my two
sometimes I want to force my two
sometimes I want to force my two realities together I feel frustrated at
realities together I feel frustrated at
realities together I feel frustrated at my friends and my teachers and their
my friends and my teachers and their
my friends and my teachers and their parents because they cannot see the
parents because they cannot see the
parents because they cannot see the college girl was reckless and ruthless
college girl was reckless and ruthless
college girl was reckless and ruthless and uncompromising in her own way I
and uncompromising in her own way I
and uncompromising in her own way I can’t really imagine
can’t really imagine
can’t really imagine how I would tell them that how why my
how I would tell them that how why my
how I would tell them that how why my mom gave up that girl when she left
mom gave up that girl when she left
mom gave up that girl when she left Seoul city lights for a quiet suburb
Seoul city lights for a quiet suburb
Seoul city lights for a quiet suburb lane and how the title of mother for her
lane and how the title of mother for her
lane and how the title of mother for her is a shackle a disappointment a
is a shackle a disappointment a
is a shackle a disappointment a generalization stereotype and a reality
generalization stereotype and a reality
generalization stereotype and a reality I don’t know how I could explain to them
I don’t know how I could explain to them
I don’t know how I could explain to them that I myself can’t believe in the
that I myself can’t believe in the
that I myself can’t believe in the existence of love or its goodness or the
existence of love or its goodness or the
existence of love or its goodness or the desires of my peers to find it and
desires of my peers to find it and
desires of my peers to find it and control it and they’re in tight sense of
control it and they’re in tight sense of
control it and they’re in tight sense of entitlement but sometimes their
entitlement but sometimes their
entitlement but sometimes their happiness and their hopefulness seem to
happiness and their hopefulness seem to
happiness and their hopefulness seem to me like naive and otherworldly I don’t
me like naive and otherworldly I don’t
me like naive and otherworldly I don’t know how it explained to them why at
know how it explained to them why at
know how it explained to them why at least once a month my dog comes softly
least once a month my dog comes softly
least once a month my dog comes softly patting into my room and I closed the
patting into my room and I closed the
patting into my room and I closed the door I don’t think they could see beyond
door I don’t think they could see beyond
door I don’t think they could see beyond the woman who smiles softly and hands me
the woman who smiles softly and hands me
the woman who smiles softly and hands me her phone to proofread or emails because
her phone to proofread or emails because
her phone to proofread or emails because they are not looking they are stuck and
they are not looking they are stuck and
they are not looking they are stuck and I feel frustrated at my parents too I
I feel frustrated at my parents too I
I feel frustrated at my parents too I feel frustrated that they don’t let me
feel frustrated that they don’t let me
feel frustrated that they don’t let me Trust and happiness and love and passion
Trust and happiness and love and passion
Trust and happiness and love and passion and all these nice things that they’re
and all these nice things that they’re
and all these nice things that they’re always pointing out the weaknesses the
always pointing out the weaknesses the
always pointing out the weaknesses the Achilles heel my parents are not looking
Achilles heel my parents are not looking
Achilles heel my parents are not looking either and sometimes I want to tell them
either and sometimes I want to tell them
either and sometimes I want to tell them what I read Jones tells her parents in
what I read Jones tells her parents in
what I read Jones tells her parents in the novel white teeth some people other
the novel white teeth some people other
the novel white teeth some people other people other families open a door and
people other families open a door and
people other families open a door and all they’ve got behind it is a living
all they’ve got behind it is a living
all they’ve got behind it is a living room or a bathroom just neutral space
room or a bathroom just neutral space
room or a bathroom just neutral space and not this endless maze of past rooms
and not this endless maze of past rooms
and not this endless maze of past rooms and present rooms and things set in them
and present rooms and things set in them
and present rooms and things set in them years ago and everybody’s historical
years ago and everybody’s historical
years ago and everybody’s historical stuff all over the place I want to wave
stuff all over the place I want to wave
stuff all over the place I want to wave my American reality in front of them
my American reality in front of them
my American reality in front of them like a big fat red flag saying really
like a big fat red flag saying really
like a big fat red flag saying really these people exist I’m telling you the
these people exist I’m telling you the
these people exist I’m telling you the biggest traumas of their lives are
biggest traumas of their lives are
biggest traumas of their lives are things like we carpeting bill-paying
things like we carpeting bill-paying
things like we carpeting bill-paying gate fixing and they don’t mind what
gate fixing and they don’t mind what
gate fixing and they don’t mind what their kids do in life as long as they’re
their kids do in life as long as they’re
their kids do in life as long as they’re you know relatively happy healthy I want
you know relatively happy healthy I want
you know relatively happy healthy I want to tell them some people
to tell them some people
to tell them some people are not like you but I am afraid that my
are not like you but I am afraid that my
are not like you but I am afraid that my speech like Irie will not change my
speech like Irie will not change my
speech like Irie will not change my parents Minds because I know that I can
parents Minds because I know that I can
parents Minds because I know that I can never dig my parents or my friends or
never dig my parents or my friends or
never dig my parents or my friends or their parents or my teachers out of
their parents or my teachers out of
their parents or my teachers out of their realities unless they realize that
their realities unless they realize that
their realities unless they realize that they were stuck so if only we converse
they were stuck so if only we converse
they were stuck so if only we converse with a prior understanding that these
with a prior understanding that these
with a prior understanding that these barriers exist around us prevent us from
barriers exist around us prevent us from
barriers exist around us prevent us from truly understanding the others meaning
truly understanding the others meaning
truly understanding the others meaning and that these barriers exist as a
and that these barriers exist as a
and that these barriers exist as a product of the rainbow of lives that
product of the rainbow of lives that
product of the rainbow of lives that each one of us has tasted and known and
each one of us has tasted and known and
each one of us has tasted and known and we wouldn’t need to wish these barriers
we wouldn’t need to wish these barriers
we wouldn’t need to wish these barriers didn’t exist we could appreciate them
didn’t exist we could appreciate them
didn’t exist we could appreciate them and cherish them from the different
and cherish them from the different
and cherish them from the different values they instill in us the different
values they instill in us the different
values they instill in us the different worldviews they give us and know that
worldviews they give us and know that
worldviews they give us and know that nobody’s worldview or opinion is wrong
nobody’s worldview or opinion is wrong
nobody’s worldview or opinion is wrong they’re simply different it kind of
they’re simply different it kind of
they’re simply different it kind of reminds me of the way my friends and I
reminds me of the way my friends and I
reminds me of the way my friends and I talked sometimes me and my best friends
talked sometimes me and my best friends
talked sometimes me and my best friends we always somehow our conversations come
we always somehow our conversations come
we always somehow our conversations come back to our different Heritage’s and I
back to our different Heritage’s and I
back to our different Heritage’s and I always end up talking about what life
always end up talking about what life
always end up talking about what life was like in Korea for my parents now
was like in Korea for my parents now
was like in Korea for my parents now immigration has changed them and me into
immigration has changed them and me into
immigration has changed them and me into who we are for better or for worse and
who we are for better or for worse and
who we are for better or for worse and this is an on purpose it’s simply not
this is an on purpose it’s simply not
this is an on purpose it’s simply not the fact that I’m an immigrant is so
the fact that I’m an immigrant is so
the fact that I’m an immigrant is so thoroughly inextricably integrated into
thoroughly inextricably integrated into
thoroughly inextricably integrated into my life that I can’t really tell where
my life that I can’t really tell where
my life that I can’t really tell where one strand begins and the other ends
one strand begins and the other ends
one strand begins and the other ends which is a product of which reality and
which is a product of which reality and
which is a product of which reality and it’s a beautiful thing it’s authentic we
it’s a beautiful thing it’s authentic we
it’s a beautiful thing it’s authentic we know that we are a product of these
know that we are a product of these
know that we are a product of these different histories and yet we are more
different histories and yet we are more
different histories and yet we are more than a sum of these histories my sister
than a sum of these histories my sister
than a sum of these histories my sister is the thirteen-year-old girl who is
is the thirteen-year-old girl who is
is the thirteen-year-old girl who is listening to a Hamilton rap song while
listening to a Hamilton rap song while
listening to a Hamilton rap song while eating Asian pears and Cheetos and I am
eating Asian pears and Cheetos and I am
eating Asian pears and Cheetos and I am the sixteen year old girl who sits on a
the sixteen year old girl who sits on a
the sixteen year old girl who sits on a couch from world-market petting a dog
couch from world-market petting a dog
couch from world-market petting a dog from Central Valley reading a Time
from Central Valley reading a Time
from Central Valley reading a Time magazine article on the Korean
magazine article on the Korean
magazine article on the Korean presidential scandal so yes there is a
presidential scandal so yes there is a
presidential scandal so yes there is a social divide there are many social
social divide there are many social
social divide there are many social divides and it’s undoubtedly hard
divides and it’s undoubtedly hard
divides and it’s undoubtedly hard to merge the realities that exist on
to merge the realities that exist on
to merge the realities that exist on either side of them together but it’s
either side of them together but it’s
either side of them together but it’s not necessary to force these realities
not necessary to force these realities
not necessary to force these realities together like magnets the same charge
together like magnets the same charge
together like magnets the same charge it’s enough to let them coexist side by
it’s enough to let them coexist side by
it’s enough to let them coexist side by side holding hands breathing to the same
side holding hands breathing to the same
side holding hands breathing to the same rhythm because by acknowledging that
rhythm because by acknowledging that
rhythm because by acknowledging that these divides exists we are giving
these divides exists we are giving
these divides exists we are giving ourselves the power to overcome them
ourselves the power to overcome them
ourselves the power to overcome them thank you
”
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