so what do Sheryl Sandberg Howard Schultz Natalie Portman Melinda Gates
Schultz Natalie Portman Melinda Gates
Schultz Natalie Portman Melinda Gates and I have in common since you don’t
and I have in common since you don’t
and I have in common since you don’t know us all I’ll help you out here we
know us all I’ll help you out here we
know us all I’ll help you out here we didn’t grow up in the same hometown we
didn’t grow up in the same hometown we
didn’t grow up in the same hometown we didn’t attend the same university
didn’t attend the same university
didn’t attend the same university although obviously my alma mater is the
although obviously my alma mater is the
although obviously my alma mater is the best boomer sooner our morning coffee
best boomer sooner our morning coffee
best boomer sooner our morning coffee order is not identical we don’t have the
order is not identical we don’t have the
order is not identical we don’t have the same favorite song and we don’t have the
same favorite song and we don’t have the
same favorite song and we don’t have the same favorite travel destination what we
same favorite travel destination what we
same favorite travel destination what we do share though is a struggle with
do share though is a struggle with
do share though is a struggle with impostor syndrome and we’re not alone
impostor syndrome and we’re not alone
impostor syndrome and we’re not alone according to the International Journal
according to the International Journal
according to the International Journal of behavioral science almost 70% of
of behavioral science almost 70% of
of behavioral science almost 70% of adults admit to the crisis of confidence
adults admit to the crisis of confidence
adults admit to the crisis of confidence that defines impostor syndrome they
that defines impostor syndrome they
that defines impostor syndrome they attribute their successes and
attribute their successes and
attribute their successes and achievements to luck happenstance charm
achievements to luck happenstance charm
achievements to luck happenstance charm other people basically anyone or
other people basically anyone or
other people basically anyone or anything other than their own talents
anything other than their own talents
anything other than their own talents and abilities in my own life imposter
and abilities in my own life imposter
and abilities in my own life imposter syndrome manifests from feelings of
syndrome manifests from feelings of
syndrome manifests from feelings of needing to be a hundred percent perfect
needing to be a hundred percent perfect
needing to be a hundred percent perfect a hundred percent of the time and when
a hundred percent of the time and when
a hundred percent of the time and when I’m not I flat out deem myself a failure
I’m not I flat out deem myself a failure
I’m not I flat out deem myself a failure and I shut down well I can’t say where
and I shut down well I can’t say where
and I shut down well I can’t say where Cheryl Howard Nathalie and Melinda
Cheryl Howard Nathalie and Melinda
Cheryl Howard Nathalie and Melinda struggle are in their own lives in mine
struggle are in their own lives in mine
struggle are in their own lives in mine I’ve identified three areas where
I’ve identified three areas where
I’ve identified three areas where impostor syndrome permeates with greater
impostor syndrome permeates with greater
impostor syndrome permeates with greater frequency in order to combat it I’ve
frequency in order to combat it I’ve
frequency in order to combat it I’ve taken back ownership of those three
taken back ownership of those three
taken back ownership of those three areas I own what I look like I own what
areas I own what I look like I own what
areas I own what I look like I own what I do and I own what I want
I do and I own what I want
I do and I own what I want the first area I’ve pledged ownership of
the first area I’ve pledged ownership of
the first area I’ve pledged ownership of is what I look like the first time I
is what I look like the first time I
is what I look like the first time I remember feeling like a fraud physically
remember feeling like a fraud physically
remember feeling like a fraud physically I was 14 years old
I was 14 years old
I was 14 years old standing in front of Florida feeling
standing in front of Florida feeling
standing in front of Florida feeling mirrors and a leotard in pink tights
mirrors and a leotard in pink tights
mirrors and a leotard in pink tights my body was beginning to change and no
my body was beginning to change and no
my body was beginning to change and no longer looks like a young slender girl
longer looks like a young slender girl
longer looks like a young slender girl this was problematic for me because as a
this was problematic for me because as a
this was problematic for me because as a young ballerina the dancers I looked up
young ballerina the dancers I looked up
young ballerina the dancers I looked up to were elegant and graceful and that
to were elegant and graceful and that
to were elegant and graceful and that flowed out of tiniest Lindner petite
flowed out of tiniest Lindner petite
flowed out of tiniest Lindner petite bodies that I no longer looks like so I
bodies that I no longer looks like so I
bodies that I no longer looks like so I coped not by finding acceptance in
coped not by finding acceptance in
coped not by finding acceptance in myself but rather striving tirelessly to
myself but rather striving tirelessly to
myself but rather striving tirelessly to achieve a standard I understood to be
achieve a standard I understood to be
achieve a standard I understood to be perfection when I was 17 the magazine’s
perfection when I was 17 the magazine’s
perfection when I was 17 the magazine’s I thumbed through regularly were full of
I thumbed through regularly were full of
I thumbed through regularly were full of images of hyper bronze Oompa Loompa
images of hyper bronze Oompa Loompa
images of hyper bronze Oompa Loompa esque models and actresses it was
esque models and actresses it was
esque models and actresses it was apparent then as it is today but I am
apparent then as it is today but I am
apparent then as it is today but I am NOT meant to be a bronze god
NOT meant to be a bronze god
NOT meant to be a bronze god I am freckly with gendered tendencies
I am freckly with gendered tendencies
I am freckly with gendered tendencies and porcelain skin but yet again I was
and porcelain skin but yet again I was
and porcelain skin but yet again I was uncomfortable in my own skin and I hit
uncomfortable in my own skin and I hit
uncomfortable in my own skin and I hit the tanning bed by nineteen I was
the tanning bed by nineteen I was
the tanning bed by nineteen I was struggling with anorexia and had Stage
struggling with anorexia and had Stage
struggling with anorexia and had Stage one malignant melanoma even if women
one malignant melanoma even if women
one malignant melanoma even if women aren’t perfectionist like I am it’s not
aren’t perfectionist like I am it’s not
aren’t perfectionist like I am it’s not uncommon for them to engage in behavior
uncommon for them to engage in behavior
uncommon for them to engage in behavior similar to my own women particularly
similar to my own women particularly
similar to my own women particularly grow up in a world that tells them that
grow up in a world that tells them that
grow up in a world that tells them that their worth is directly correlated to
their worth is directly correlated to
their worth is directly correlated to their appearance parents even if they
their appearance parents even if they
their appearance parents even if they don’t strictly endorse the stereotype
don’t strictly endorse the stereotype
don’t strictly endorse the stereotype evidence does suggest that it impacts
evidence does suggest that it impacts
evidence does suggest that it impacts their hopes for their children a 2014
their hopes for their children a 2014
their hopes for their children a 2014 study showed that American parents
study showed that American parents
study showed that American parents googled is my son a genius twice as
googled is my son a genius twice as
googled is my son a genius twice as often as they googled is my daughter a
often as they googled is my daughter a
often as they googled is my daughter a genius likewise searches regarding
genius likewise searches regarding
genius likewise searches regarding appearance were far more frequent for
appearance were far more frequent for
appearance were far more frequent for girl’s parents googled is my daughter
girl’s parents googled is my daughter
girl’s parents googled is my daughter overweight 70% more often than is my son
overweight 70% more often than is my son
overweight 70% more often than is my son overweight so actress Melissa McCartney
overweight so actress Melissa McCartney
overweight so actress Melissa McCartney here we go said about her own weight not
here we go said about her own weight not
here we go said about her own weight not all that long ago I’ll be up I’ll be
all that long ago I’ll be up I’ll be
all that long ago I’ll be up I’ll be down probably for the rest of my life
down probably for the rest of my life
down probably for the rest of my life the thing is if that’s the most
the thing is if that’s the most
the thing is if that’s the most interesting thing about me I need to go
interesting thing about me I need to go
interesting thing about me I need to go have a lavender farm in Minnesota and
have a lavender farm in Minnesota and
have a lavender farm in Minnesota and give this up because there has to be
give this up because there has to be
give this up because there has to be something more and she’s so right we are
something more and she’s so right we are
something more and she’s so right we are not defined by our appearance and it is
not defined by our appearance and it is
not defined by our appearance and it is absolutely not the most interesting
absolutely not the most interesting
absolutely not the most interesting thing about us as human beings and in
thing about us as human beings and in
thing about us as human beings and in fact fixating on it robs us of the
fact fixating on it robs us of the
fact fixating on it robs us of the things that actually do make us
things that actually do make us
things that actually do make us attractive joy confidence individuality
attractive joy confidence individuality
attractive joy confidence individuality so even though at times society and my
so even though at times society and my
so even though at times society and my own brain may try to tell me that I
own brain may try to tell me that I
own brain may try to tell me that I should strive for certain standards I
should strive for certain standards I
should strive for certain standards I refuse to let that happen because I have
refuse to let that happen because I have
refuse to let that happen because I have taken back ownership of my appearance
taken back ownership of my appearance
taken back ownership of my appearance for myself the second area of my life
for myself the second area of my life
for myself the second area of my life I’ve pledged ownership of the combat
I’ve pledged ownership of the combat
I’ve pledged ownership of the combat imposter syndrome is what I do currently
imposter syndrome is what I do currently
imposter syndrome is what I do currently I’m the chief operating officer of a
I’m the chief operating officer of a
I’m the chief operating officer of a family foundation that supports
family foundation that supports
family foundation that supports entrepreneurship innovation and
entrepreneurship innovation and
entrepreneurship innovation and community engagement and tolstoy I’m
community engagement and tolstoy I’m
community engagement and tolstoy I’m fairly new to the world of philanthropy
fairly new to the world of philanthropy
fairly new to the world of philanthropy only having been in my role about two
only having been in my role about two
only having been in my role about two and a half years my time before I send
and a half years my time before I send
and a half years my time before I send in the energy industry which equipped me
in the energy industry which equipped me
in the energy industry which equipped me with the leadership skills financial
with the leadership skills financial
with the leadership skills financial acumen and project management background
acumen and project management background
acumen and project management background necessary to be successful my role
necessary to be successful my role
necessary to be successful my role however when I stepped too into it I was
however when I stepped too into it I was
however when I stepped too into it I was instantly fraught with feelings of
instantly fraught with feelings of
instantly fraught with feelings of insecurity I figured in no time flat my
insecurity I figured in no time flat my
insecurity I figured in no time flat my boss would realize she had made a huge
boss would realize she had made a huge
boss would realize she had made a huge mistake and that I was not qualified at
mistake and that I was not qualified at
mistake and that I was not qualified at all instead of focusing and reminding
all instead of focusing and reminding
all instead of focusing and reminding myself on those skill sets and talents I
myself on those skill sets and talents I
myself on those skill sets and talents I gained over time I focused on
gained over time I focused on
gained over time I focused on deficiencies that I perceived in
deficiencies that I perceived in
deficiencies that I perceived in knowledge and a network it’s really hard
knowledge and a network it’s really hard
knowledge and a network it’s really hard for women particularly to own their
for women particularly to own their
for women particularly to own their abilities and accomplishments for a
abilities and accomplishments for a
abilities and accomplishments for a couple of reasons in the workplace women
couple of reasons in the workplace women
couple of reasons in the workplace women face harsher criticisms in their male
face harsher criticisms in their male
face harsher criticisms in their male counterparts when self promoting
counterparts when self promoting
counterparts when self promoting interestingly enough women rather than
interestingly enough women rather than
interestingly enough women rather than men ad deem other women who advocate for
men ad deem other women who advocate for
men ad deem other women who advocate for themselves is highly unlikable
themselves is highly unlikable
themselves is highly unlikable compounding this perception problem
compounding this perception problem
compounding this perception problem I miss feedback that a lot of women
I miss feedback that a lot of women
I miss feedback that a lot of women receive when they’re little that good
receive when they’re little that good
receive when they’re little that good girls should never do anything boastful
girls should never do anything boastful
girls should never do anything boastful or braggy or bossy
or braggy or bossy
or braggy or bossy so then women grow up feeling very
so then women grow up feeling very
so then women grow up feeling very uncomfortable owning these
uncomfortable owning these
uncomfortable owning these accomplishments for themselves so the
accomplishments for themselves so the
accomplishments for themselves so the third area of my life that I have
third area of my life that I have
third area of my life that I have pledged ownership of to combat imposter
pledged ownership of to combat imposter
pledged ownership of to combat imposter syndrome is what I want so despite
syndrome is what I want so despite
syndrome is what I want so despite having desired to go to graduate school
having desired to go to graduate school
having desired to go to graduate school from the time that I finished my
from the time that I finished my
from the time that I finished my bachelor’s degree I started putting the
bachelor’s degree I started putting the
bachelor’s degree I started putting the needs of my family my friends my
needs of my family my friends my
needs of my family my friends my employer my hypothetical potential maybe
employer my hypothetical potential maybe
employer my hypothetical potential maybe future children basically anyone in my
future children basically anyone in my
future children basically anyone in my life that I assigned value to I was
life that I assigned value to I was
life that I assigned value to I was putting ahead of my own aspirations I
putting ahead of my own aspirations I
putting ahead of my own aspirations I was so afraid that taking on this one
was so afraid that taking on this one
was so afraid that taking on this one more thing would just make me
more thing would just make me
more thing would just make me ineffective at everything else in my
ineffective at everything else in my
ineffective at everything else in my life I assigned so much value to so I I
life I assigned so much value to so I I
life I assigned so much value to so I I didn’t pursue it I let my potential fear
didn’t pursue it I let my potential fear
didn’t pursue it I let my potential fear of failure rule my life and I also
of failure rule my life and I also
of failure rule my life and I also thought to myself despite the fact I was
thought to myself despite the fact I was
thought to myself despite the fact I was a really good student in high school and
a really good student in high school and
a really good student in high school and undergrad graduate school would likely
undergrad graduate school would likely
undergrad graduate school would likely be different inevitably I would walk in
be different inevitably I would walk in
be different inevitably I would walk in day one and people would realize this
day one and people would realize this
day one and people would realize this girl is not that smart she should not be
girl is not that smart she should not be
girl is not that smart she should not be in this room she needs to get the heck
in this room she needs to get the heck
in this room she needs to get the heck out so again I fixated on that and not
out so again I fixated on that and not
out so again I fixated on that and not what I really wanted about 18 months ago
what I really wanted about 18 months ago
what I really wanted about 18 months ago the height of my imposter syndrome it
the height of my imposter syndrome it
the height of my imposter syndrome it was at its max the weight was the
was at its max the weight was the
was at its max the weight was the heaviest and I was really feeling not so
heaviest and I was really feeling not so
heaviest and I was really feeling not so great about myself at the same time a
great about myself at the same time a
great about myself at the same time a peer of mine was embarking upon a new
peer of mine was embarking upon a new
peer of mine was embarking upon a new adventure she was moving to the East
adventure she was moving to the East
adventure she was moving to the East Coast pursuing a graduate degree that
Coast pursuing a graduate degree that
Coast pursuing a graduate degree that she was incredibly passionate about and
she was incredibly passionate about and
she was incredibly passionate about and I was jealous we had the same fears but
I was jealous we had the same fears but
I was jealous we had the same fears but we were operating and completely
we were operating and completely
we were operating and completely different circumstances she was letting
different circumstances she was letting
different circumstances she was letting what she was most motivated by be her
what she was most motivated by be her
what she was most motivated by be her North Star and I was letting my crisis
North Star and I was letting my crisis
North Star and I was letting my crisis of confidence be my guiding light what
of confidence be my guiding light what
of confidence be my guiding light what my friend taught me was that by going
my friend taught me was that by going
my friend taught me was that by going after what were most motive
after what were most motive
after what were most motive by in life and owning that or being
by in life and owning that or being
by in life and owning that or being proactive to fend off impostor syndrome
proactive to fend off impostor syndrome
proactive to fend off impostor syndrome and so today I’m halfway through my
and so today I’m halfway through my
and so today I’m halfway through my graduate degree mostly if Meg you could
graduate degree mostly if Meg you could
graduate degree mostly if Meg you could maybe tell me I’m maybe not maybe not
maybe tell me I’m maybe not maybe not
maybe tell me I’m maybe not maybe not and you know what guess what guys I’m
and you know what guess what guys I’m
and you know what guess what guys I’m not a higher education fraud
not a higher education fraud
not a higher education fraud hooray you know maybe I would like a
hooray you know maybe I would like a
hooray you know maybe I would like a little bit more sleep and to read for
little bit more sleep and to read for
little bit more sleep and to read for fun more often than I do but I’ve gone
fun more often than I do but I’ve gone
fun more often than I do but I’ve gone after what I want and I have never
after what I want and I have never
after what I want and I have never regretted it a single time so as I stand
regretted it a single time so as I stand
regretted it a single time so as I stand here today and I pledge to myself that I
here today and I pledge to myself that I
here today and I pledge to myself that I own what I look like I own what I do and
own what I look like I own what I do and
own what I look like I own what I do and I own what I want I am frightfully with
I own what I want I am frightfully with
I own what I want I am frightfully with gender tendencies and that’s perfect
gender tendencies and that’s perfect
gender tendencies and that’s perfect because that’s my standard of beauty for
because that’s my standard of beauty for
because that’s my standard of beauty for myself I’m a CEO of an organization and
myself I’m a CEO of an organization and
myself I’m a CEO of an organization and I’m good at my job I work hard and my
I’m good at my job I work hard and my
I’m good at my job I work hard and my talents and abilities have earned me
talents and abilities have earned me
talents and abilities have earned me that role it wasn’t luck I know what I
that role it wasn’t luck I know what I
that role it wasn’t luck I know what I want in life and I go after it after I
want in life and I go after it after I
want in life and I go after it after I finished graduate school I want to start
finished graduate school I want to start
finished graduate school I want to start a social enterprise that empowers
a social enterprise that empowers
a social enterprise that empowers women’s economic independence so how
women’s economic independence so how
women’s economic independence so how will you own these three areas in your
will you own these three areas in your
will you own these three areas in your life you may be sitting in this room
life you may be sitting in this room
life you may be sitting in this room right now and say I don’t identify with
right now and say I don’t identify with
right now and say I don’t identify with impostor syndrome I’m confident I know
impostor syndrome I’m confident I know
impostor syndrome I’m confident I know what I’m doing but I would encourage you
what I’m doing but I would encourage you
what I’m doing but I would encourage you to think about it and let it resonate
to think about it and let it resonate
to think about it and let it resonate and really explore what that means for
and really explore what that means for
and really explore what that means for you so you can be proactive to fend it
you so you can be proactive to fend it
you so you can be proactive to fend it off from permeating your psyche you’ll
off from permeating your psyche you’ll
off from permeating your psyche you’ll never be a fraud if you empower yourself
never be a fraud if you empower yourself
never be a fraud if you empower yourself to own your own life thank you
to own your own life thank you
to own your own life thank you [Applause]
”
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