I have two children so I tell a lot of bedtime stories and here’s this one once
bedtime stories and here’s this one once
bedtime stories and here’s this one once upon a time I was an adventurous foreign
upon a time I was an adventurous foreign
upon a time I was an adventurous foreign correspondent I roamed the world I move
correspondent I roamed the world I move
correspondent I roamed the world I move constantly with my passport in my pocket
constantly with my passport in my pocket
constantly with my passport in my pocket and I plow through disaster zones like a
and I plow through disaster zones like a
and I plow through disaster zones like a housewife plowing through Costco and now
housewife plowing through Costco and now
housewife plowing through Costco and now I am a housewife plowing through Costco
I am a housewife plowing through Costco
I am a housewife plowing through Costco and that last disaster zone that I saw
and that last disaster zone that I saw
and that last disaster zone that I saw was when my six-year-old vomited into
was when my six-year-old vomited into
was when my six-year-old vomited into the swimming pool after he had eaten
the swimming pool after he had eaten
the swimming pool after he had eaten watermelon chance so it wasn’t pretty
watermelon chance so it wasn’t pretty
watermelon chance so it wasn’t pretty so what happened right what happened
so what happened right what happened
so what happened right what happened kids there what happened now at some
kids there what happened now at some
kids there what happened now at some time in all our lives we will ask
time in all our lives we will ask
time in all our lives we will ask ourselves the question should I have
ourselves the question should I have
ourselves the question should I have children and increasingly for many of us
children and increasingly for many of us
children and increasingly for many of us the answer is No
the answer is No
the answer is No [Music]
or maybe just one and you know it’s easy
or maybe just one and you know it’s easy to understand why because kids are very
to understand why because kids are very
to understand why because kids are very expensive and they are no guarantee of
expensive and they are no guarantee of
expensive and they are no guarantee of financial or emotional stability in your
financial or emotional stability in your
financial or emotional stability in your old age and if you’re working full tilt
old age and if you’re working full tilt
old age and if you’re working full tilt at your career you’re gonna be better at
at your career you’re gonna be better at
at your career you’re gonna be better at one job or the other
one job or the other
one job or the other probably not both because they’re only
probably not both because they’re only
probably not both because they’re only 24 hours in a day right and you’re gonna
24 hours in a day right and you’re gonna
24 hours in a day right and you’re gonna spend all 24 hours feeling guilty
spend all 24 hours feeling guilty
spend all 24 hours feeling guilty because you’re only one place at one
because you’re only one place at one
because you’re only one place at one time and in 2008 I was coming up against
time and in 2008 I was coming up against
time and in 2008 I was coming up against some of these now-or-never questions as
some of these now-or-never questions as
some of these now-or-never questions as I was coming to the end of my fertile
I was coming to the end of my fertile
I was coming to the end of my fertile years I was working in The Wall Street
years I was working in The Wall Street
years I was working in The Wall Street Journal in China and we just won the
Journal in China and we just won the
Journal in China and we just won the Pulitzer the year before I just wasn’t
Pulitzer the year before I just wasn’t
Pulitzer the year before I just wasn’t sure if I could get off that
sure if I could get off that
sure if I could get off that merry-go-round it wasn’t easy for me
merry-go-round it wasn’t easy for me
merry-go-round it wasn’t easy for me this kid from Kuala Lumpur Malaysia to
this kid from Kuala Lumpur Malaysia to
this kid from Kuala Lumpur Malaysia to get that far and I just simply wasn’t
get that far and I just simply wasn’t
get that far and I just simply wasn’t sure if I could really juggle being a
sure if I could really juggle being a
sure if I could really juggle being a mother with being a new town working to
mother with being a new town working to
mother with being a new town working to timezones and then China’s biggest
timezones and then China’s biggest
timezones and then China’s biggest earthquake in decades happen
earthquake in decades happen
earthquake in decades happen this was an 8.0 and it ripped through
this was an 8.0 and it ripped through
this was an 8.0 and it ripped through central China with more force than the
central China with more force than the
central China with more force than the atomic bomb at Hiroshima
atomic bomb at Hiroshima
atomic bomb at Hiroshima they even felt the tremors as far as
they even felt the tremors as far as
they even felt the tremors as far as Bangkok and more than 70,000 people were
Bangkok and more than 70,000 people were
Bangkok and more than 70,000 people were killed which is about half the
killed which is about half the
killed which is about half the population of Pasadena
population of Pasadena
population of Pasadena now when citron is the source of a lot
now when citron is the source of a lot
now when citron is the source of a lot of China’s migrant labor so when this
of China’s migrant labor so when this
of China’s migrant labor so when this earthquake happened there were a lot of
earthquake happened there were a lot of
earthquake happened there were a lot of people all around China who were
people all around China who were
people all around China who were desperately trying to get back home to
desperately trying to get back home to
desperately trying to get back home to find out what had happened to their
find out what had happened to their
find out what had happened to their loved ones and I followed a group of
loved ones and I followed a group of
loved ones and I followed a group of migrant workers from Beijing to their
migrant workers from Beijing to their
migrant workers from Beijing to their home village and it was a very long
home village and it was a very long
home village and it was a very long journey that took well over three days
journey that took well over three days
journey that took well over three days and span the distance of somewhere
and span the distance of somewhere
and span the distance of somewhere between new
between new
between new in Chicago and for most of this we
in Chicago and for most of this we
in Chicago and for most of this we walked we took trains we took boats they
walked we took trains we took boats they
walked we took trains we took boats they were too poor to fly and besides the the
were too poor to fly and besides the the
were too poor to fly and besides the the quake had ripped up all the roads and
quake had ripped up all the roads and
quake had ripped up all the roads and rails and when we got back from a lot of
rails and when we got back from a lot of
rails and when we got back from a lot of them it was a sad homecoming they came
them it was a sad homecoming they came
them it was a sad homecoming they came back and they found a lot of your kids
back and they found a lot of your kids
back and they found a lot of your kids have been killed in the earthquake and
have been killed in the earthquake and
have been killed in the earthquake and not only that because this area had been
not only that because this area had been
not only that because this area had been a test ground for the one-child policy
a test ground for the one-child policy
a test ground for the one-child policy before they launched it nationwide many
before they launched it nationwide many
before they launched it nationwide many of them lost their only child and in a
of them lost their only child and in a
of them lost their only child and in a matter of just weeks I saw a lot of
matter of just weeks I saw a lot of
matter of just weeks I saw a lot of parents rushing to hospitals desperate
parents rushing to hospitals desperate
parents rushing to hospitals desperate to reverse these sterilization
to reverse these sterilization
to reverse these sterilization procedures that they have been forced to
procedures that they have been forced to
procedures that they have been forced to have which is also part of the one-child
have which is also part of the one-child
have which is also part of the one-child policy for example I met this couple the
policy for example I met this couple the
policy for example I met this couple the Jews and they had lost your 16 year old
Jews and they had lost your 16 year old
Jews and they had lost your 16 year old daughter in the quake and within 10 days
daughter in the quake and within 10 days
daughter in the quake and within 10 days he was back in a hospital to have a
he was back in a hospital to have a
he was back in a hospital to have a reverse vasectomy he was 50 and she was
reverse vasectomy he was 50 and she was
reverse vasectomy he was 50 and she was 45 but they were desperate to try they
45 but they were desperate to try they
45 but they were desperate to try they told me in in their village you know
told me in in their village you know
told me in in their village you know their neighbors were just starting to
their neighbors were just starting to
their neighbors were just starting to shun them because they saw them as a
shun them because they saw them as a
shun them because they saw them as a childless couple that might be always
childless couple that might be always
childless couple that might be always borrowing things be helpless people with
borrowing things be helpless people with
borrowing things be helpless people with no children to protect them and I will
no children to protect them and I will
no children to protect them and I will never forget that tremor in his voice
never forget that tremor in his voice
never forget that tremor in his voice when he said when I see my friends with
when he said when I see my friends with
when he said when I see my friends with grandchildren it’s it’s really hard and
grandchildren it’s it’s really hard and
grandchildren it’s it’s really hard and then when all this was happening
then when all this was happening
then when all this was happening I discovered that I’m pregnant right so
I discovered that I’m pregnant right so
I discovered that I’m pregnant right so I am having a child when I am writing
I am having a child when I am writing
I am having a child when I am writing about other people who have lost your
about other people who have lost your
about other people who have lost your children and this much unexpected
children and this much unexpected
children and this much unexpected happiness omits other people’s misery
happiness omits other people’s misery
happiness omits other people’s misery it just felt obscene and I was pregnant
it just felt obscene and I was pregnant
it just felt obscene and I was pregnant for three months long enough to see the
for three months long enough to see the
for three months long enough to see the heartbeat long enough to get excited and
heartbeat long enough to get excited and
heartbeat long enough to get excited and then after three months the heartbeat
then after three months the heartbeat
then after three months the heartbeat stopped
and for the next few years after that I
and for the next few years after that I would spend my time trying to get
would spend my time trying to get
would spend my time trying to get pregnant it felt like this was a job
pregnant it felt like this was a job
pregnant it felt like this was a job that I hadn’t finished did I had a
that I hadn’t finished did I had a
that I hadn’t finished did I had a incomplete assignment and through the
incomplete assignment and through the
incomplete assignment and through the course of this trying I just kept coming
course of this trying I just kept coming
course of this trying I just kept coming up against people who have facing the
up against people who have facing the
up against people who have facing the one-child policy for example when I was
one-child policy for example when I was
one-child policy for example when I was in Beijing and having IVF I meant a lot
in Beijing and having IVF I meant a lot
in Beijing and having IVF I meant a lot of people who are using it as a way of
of people who are using it as a way of
of people who are using it as a way of getting around the one-child policy
getting around the one-child policy
getting around the one-child policy because if you get twins or triplets
because if you get twins or triplets
because if you get twins or triplets it’s considered as one life birth so you
it’s considered as one life birth so you
it’s considered as one life birth so you are not breaking the rules and so this
are not breaking the rules and so this
are not breaking the rules and so this kind of spawned that whole
kind of spawned that whole
kind of spawned that whole buy-one-get-one-free policy and when I
buy-one-get-one-free policy and when I
buy-one-get-one-free policy and when I didn’t get pregnant I decided okay I got
didn’t get pregnant I decided okay I got
didn’t get pregnant I decided okay I got to give up the job maybe if I move away
to give up the job maybe if I move away
to give up the job maybe if I move away from China’s pollution to sunny
from China’s pollution to sunny
from China’s pollution to sunny California and make it lucky but even
California and make it lucky but even
California and make it lucky but even here I kept bumping across many Chinese
here I kept bumping across many Chinese
here I kept bumping across many Chinese nationals who were having fertility
nationals who were having fertility
nationals who were having fertility treatments many of which were either
treatments many of which were either
treatments many of which were either illegal or hard to get in China because
illegal or hard to get in China because
illegal or hard to get in China because of the one-child policy I mean I
of the one-child policy I mean I
of the one-child policy I mean I remember talking to a woman in Brentwood
remember talking to a woman in Brentwood
remember talking to a woman in Brentwood California and she had had three
California and she had had three
California and she had had three children by surrogate for a couple in
children by surrogate for a couple in
children by surrogate for a couple in Shanghai I also met many many people who
Shanghai I also met many many people who
Shanghai I also met many many people who have been involved in the China adoption
have been involved in the China adoption
have been involved in the China adoption process which is also a byproduct of the
process which is also a byproduct of the
process which is also a byproduct of the one-child policy for example I met a
one-child policy for example I met a
one-child policy for example I met a farmer who had his daughter stolen from
farmer who had his daughter stolen from
farmer who had his daughter stolen from him and he now believes that she’s
him and he now believes that she’s
him and he now believes that she’s growing up in Illinois I met many girls
growing up in Illinois I met many girls
growing up in Illinois I met many girls who had been adopted here who have grown
who had been adopted here who have grown
who had been adopted here who have grown up and are now torn India loyalties
up and are now torn India loyalties
up and are now torn India loyalties between their families here and their
between their families here and their
between their families here and their desire to search for some family back in
desire to search for some family back in
desire to search for some family back in China so time and time again I would
China so time and time again I would
China so time and time again I would come up against people who were forced
come up against people who were forced
come up against people who were forced to very explicitly calculate the cost of
to very explicitly calculate the cost of
to very explicitly calculate the cost of parenthood against a backdrop of the
parenthood against a backdrop of the
parenthood against a backdrop of the one-child policy because it made it very
one-child policy because it made it very
one-child policy because it made it very clear
clear
clear were fines if you broke the one-child
were fines if you broke the one-child
were fines if you broke the one-child policy you could lose your job you might
policy you could lose your job you might
policy you could lose your job you might be liable for all sorts of very heavy
be liable for all sorts of very heavy
be liable for all sorts of very heavy fines or you might even be taken away
fines or you might even be taken away
fines or you might even be taken away for a forced abortion and so after 37
for a forced abortion and so after 37
for a forced abortion and so after 37 years of this policy China was having
years of this policy China was having
years of this policy China was having big problems their birth rates were
big problems their birth rates were
big problems their birth rates were plunging and they were going to have big
plunging and they were going to have big
plunging and they were going to have big big problems maintaining the economic
big problems maintaining the economic
big problems maintaining the economic growth rates or taking care of their
growth rates or taking care of their
growth rates or taking care of their elderly so last year they decided to
elderly so last year they decided to
elderly so last year they decided to switch things up and they move to a
switch things up and they move to a
switch things up and they move to a two-child policy and then they started
two-child policy and then they started
two-child policy and then they started actively encouraging people to have more
actively encouraging people to have more
actively encouraging people to have more children so that’s right the one-child
children so that’s right the one-child
children so that’s right the one-child policy became – please have one more
policy became – please have one more
policy became – please have one more child policy but very few people are
child policy but very few people are
child policy but very few people are biting and this is because the one-child
biting and this is because the one-child
biting and this is because the one-child policy has fundamentally changed a lot
policy has fundamentally changed a lot
policy has fundamentally changed a lot of people’s understanding of what it
of people’s understanding of what it
of people’s understanding of what it means to be a parent having one or none
means to be a parent having one or none
means to be a parent having one or none is now seen as the ideal for success for
is now seen as the ideal for success for
is now seen as the ideal for success for happiness for a less crowded society
happiness for a less crowded society
happiness for a less crowded society approaching childbearing with a mindset
approaching childbearing with a mindset
approaching childbearing with a mindset headed that is three pots calculation
headed that is three pots calculation
headed that is three pots calculation has become ingrained in China’s psyche
has become ingrained in China’s psyche
has become ingrained in China’s psyche and so as a result of this in the next
and so as a result of this in the next
and so as a result of this in the next ten years China’s population is going to
ten years China’s population is going to
ten years China’s population is going to fall by 2100 it could have fallen to
fall by 2100 it could have fallen to
fall by 2100 it could have fallen to about 500 million which is about what it
about 500 million which is about what it
about 500 million which is about what it used to be in the 1950s and now no other
used to be in the 1950s and now no other
used to be in the 1950s and now no other country has ever drastically reduces
country has ever drastically reduces
country has ever drastically reduces population without war or disease in the
population without war or disease in the
population without war or disease in the way in this way and this will transform
way in this way and this will transform
way in this way and this will transform Chinese society to the point where 1 in
Chinese society to the point where 1 in
Chinese society to the point where 1 in 3 people are retirees where schools are
3 people are retirees where schools are
3 people are retirees where schools are going to close and be replaced by
going to close and be replaced by
going to close and be replaced by retirement homes and hospices we’re
retirement homes and hospices we’re
retirement homes and hospices we’re children are increasingly going to
children are increasingly going to
children are increasingly going to become a rarity some of them may be
become a rarity some of them may be
become a rarity some of them may be spoiled singleton little emperors
spoiled singleton little emperors
spoiled singleton little emperors perhaps
perhaps
perhaps so maybe the greatest object lesson of
so maybe the greatest object lesson of
so maybe the greatest object lesson of the one-child policy is we cannot be too
the one-child policy is we cannot be too
the one-child policy is we cannot be too rational about Parenthood because it was
rational about Parenthood because it was
rational about Parenthood because it was and will always be a great leap into the
and will always be a great leap into the
and will always be a great leap into the unknown with an infinite capacity to
unknown with an infinite capacity to
unknown with an infinite capacity to stretch our understanding of what it
stretch our understanding of what it
stretch our understanding of what it means to live and to love and so this is
means to live and to love and so this is
means to live and to love and so this is the part where I come to the end of my
the part where I come to the end of my
the part where I come to the end of my story
story
story I gave up my job I wrote a book I became
I gave up my job I wrote a book I became
I gave up my job I wrote a book I became a mother and when I look back at the
a mother and when I look back at the
a mother and when I look back at the turn my life has taken I hardly
turn my life has taken I hardly
turn my life has taken I hardly recognize myself I there’s no more
recognize myself I there’s no more
recognize myself I there’s no more sudden John’s to exotic places
sudden John’s to exotic places
sudden John’s to exotic places there’s no quickening of the pulse for a
there’s no quickening of the pulse for a
there’s no quickening of the pulse for a fast breaking story
fast breaking story
fast breaking story I have to stay rooted I have to give of
I have to stay rooted I have to give of
I have to stay rooted I have to give of myself I have to lose myself now at
myself I have to lose myself now at
myself I have to lose myself now at night I still tell my children bedtime
night I still tell my children bedtime
night I still tell my children bedtime stories and some of them are old Chinese
stories and some of them are old Chinese
stories and some of them are old Chinese folk tales like the story of Chung oh
folk tales like the story of Chung oh
folk tales like the story of Chung oh the lady on the moon or favorites from
the lady on the moon or favorites from
the lady on the moon or favorites from Hans Christian Andersen or the Grimm
Hans Christian Andersen or the Grimm
Hans Christian Andersen or the Grimm brothers and most of this have a magic
brothers and most of this have a magic
brothers and most of this have a magic landscape where mothers sometimes exit
landscape where mothers sometimes exit
landscape where mothers sometimes exit where stepmothers appear where children
where stepmothers appear where children
where stepmothers appear where children are cast out where eternally hungry
are cast out where eternally hungry
are cast out where eternally hungry wolves prowl and one day I’m going to
wolves prowl and one day I’m going to
wolves prowl and one day I’m going to tell my children the story of a country
tell my children the story of a country
tell my children the story of a country that was once so poor the Emperor ruled
that was once so poor the Emperor ruled
that was once so poor the Emperor ruled that each family could only have one
that each family could only have one
that each family could only have one child and how a great sadness came over
child and how a great sadness came over
child and how a great sadness came over the land and people gave away their
the land and people gave away their
the land and people gave away their children or stole other people’s
children or stole other people’s
children or stole other people’s children or sought the help of magicians
children or sought the help of magicians
children or sought the help of magicians to make that single precious child that
to make that single precious child that
to make that single precious child that breast and brightest in the land and how
breast and brightest in the land and how
breast and brightest in the land and how a great sadness came over the land and
a great sadness came over the land and
a great sadness came over the land and fewer and fewer babies were born
fewer and fewer babies were born
fewer and fewer babies were born and it became a country of the old now I
and it became a country of the old now I
and it became a country of the old now I don’t know the ending to that story and
don’t know the ending to that story and
don’t know the ending to that story and then I will lie awake listening to the
then I will lie awake listening to the
then I will lie awake listening to the rhythm of their breathing the most
rhythm of their breathing the most
rhythm of their breathing the most peaceful and frightening sound in the
peaceful and frightening sound in the
peaceful and frightening sound in the world
world
world p.m.
p.m.
p.m. [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
”
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