I’m here to tell you
that female empowerment must pass through the cunt.
It’s still strange, eh,
a woman uses a sexual term to refer to her sexual organ.
If it was a man, that’s fine, right, I guess.
He talks “dick”, “damn” …
But a woman speaking “cunt” is a bit revolutionary yet,
and it is strange that it be.
Not for me,
because I grew up in a matriarchal family, where the woman could absolutely everything.
Female power was not questionable in my family.
My father died when I was four.
Left my mother with me child and with my teenage sisters to raise.
Big trouble, right? But she never complained.
I’ve never seen her complain about having to support and raise four women.
I was living in a matriarchal bubble.
It was just a woman around me, and only a powerful woman,
so much so that it took me long to understand feminism.
I did not understand what they wanted so much.
because, all around me, I only saw a powerful woman
and woman being respected.
So, in my house, it was me, my mother, my sisters;
my grandmother who lived with us; we had a female driver too.
All of my mother’s company employees were women.
There was once a man who worked there and was isolated in a little room.
I do not even know what happened to him. It’s gone.
And it was a magical environment.
It seemed a bit like that, I think, the island, you know, where Wonder Woman was created,
who only had women?
In a way, my mother wanted to create me for me to be a Wonder Woman,
who, in her conception, was to be a free woman.
Then everything could:
“Do you want to stand barefoot, play with the boys?
You can. “
“You want to eat miojo at midnight,
while there are absolutely all the kids eating salad,
thanks for mom
You can. “
“He wants to graduate in philosophy,
while everyone is training in ‘safer’ things,
like law, administration?
You can. “
Everything could.
So in my second book, the dedication went to my mother.
I put it this way: “To my mother, who always told me, ‘Go,'”
because she always told me “go”.
That stretched into my adulthood.
I ended up becoming a sex columnist, among other things,
of a men’s magazine, VIP,
and my columns are always very controversial,
and my mother loved this controversy.
One day, there were me and friends in a restaurant, at a table,
and she came praising a very last column of mine.
And she used very cute terms to praise the column, right?
She said that she was very sensitive, and that I had been very sincere,
and what an interesting way that I approached that theme …
And for the listener, it seemed that the column was about love, right,
something like that.
So when they asked what it was, she said,
“Anal sex!”
And she’s 70 years old, that’s it, I really did not have a taboo.
In this my VIP column,
has always next to the text a photo of me, half sensual.
This I always took a lot as a “statement”, you know?
Like that, I’m going to break this macho dichotomy.
that the woman can not use her sensuality and also be intelligent.
But it is curious because, even with all this freedom,
all this exalted feminine power and this naturalness with feminine power,
when they came to interview me about some of my books
or when they asked me in a lecture
why I had started writing about sex,
I found myself justifying myself intellectually.
I would say: “No, it was in the faculty of philosophy,
because I was very interested in the philosophers who treated the body … “
My CBT in philosophy even included sexuality as a life affirmation.
I used to say that I loved erotic literature,
which I really love …
but quoted Anaïs Nin, Henry Miller, Bataille …
I quoted names, I needed to justify myself intellectually.
So I realized that I have to justify myself intellectually
was completely contrary to all this power I preached.
Why did I try to justify it that way?
Why did I think I was going to be more serious?
Why did I think I would be more respected?
Because, unfortunately, female pleasure is still taboo.
This I see applies to all women.
They even say that we do not even like sex, either.
They say that the woman is not so visual, that she does not like porn,
that her libido is not as explosive as man’s.
How absurd … but, anyway, it’s the idea they’re trying to sell us.
Not too sexual can we be.
And I think we live a pseudoliberty.
We feel very free, right,
because we can give on the first date;
we feel very free because we can have sex with whoever we want.
We find ourselves very free because we can expose our bodies in social networks.
But between these four walls, these same women, so free,
They’re there pretending orgasms.
These same free women are feeling inadequate.
because they can not enjoy it in five minutes,
as the nonsensical porn booklet says.
These same women are dissatisfied with this phallocentric sex
which is taken as normal.
It was then that I realized that empowerment
needs to pass through sexuality.
It’s no good for us to stay mental.
We need to solve this sexuality
and to acquire this freedom of truth,
for empowerment.
So, I keep seeing, like this … people stay in demonstrations,
so free, fighting for everything,
but, in the end, they are not free.
They are fighting for social, political …
But what about their bodies?
I received yesterday the message from a reader,
and she was telling me that she only enjoyed oral sex.
Okay, fine, but she told me this as if it was a problem.
She said she was with a new boyfriend,
and the new boyfriend was charging her orgasm with penetration.
That is, there are very horrible things in this situation.
I think it shows very horrible things in our society.
First, she was subjugating her pleasure to the other’s desire,
and the other, the boyfriend,
was wanting her to have a specific type of orgasm that he idealized,
as if there was only one way to have orgasm.
Of course I told her that she can cum as she wants,
which of course is normal,
and that she who asked him, without fear,
that he would do wonderful oral sex on her because she deserves it.
That is, we need to review this,
before hitting his chest and saying we’re free.
Then there were two turning points in my life,
that changed me, which made me deepen this vision a little
that empowerment must pass through sexuality.
One of them was the death of my mother,
the same one who taught me everything I knew about female power.
I do not know if you’ve ever been through this,
see the death of someone you love.
But seeing a dead body that a minute ago had life
puts you in an existential void that makes you question everything,
because you do not know what it is there,
what was there in that body and now is no more,
leaving that body emptied, meaningless.
So for the first time in my life,
I found myself lowering my head,
admitting that I knew nothing and feeling,
because I asked myself with irony: “And now, Nietzsche? And now Sartre?
What do I do? “, Right?
So I lowered my head and admitted
that really nothing that I had learned in my life, intellectually,
was worth something there.
And I made this transition for the first time from the mind to the body,
and it was an exercise in epistemological humility very, very great.
At the same time, tantra entered my life.
I ended up becoming a Tantric therapist too,
formed by the Metamorphosis Center.
And tantra uses the body as transcendence.
Through meditations, massages, he conducts this energy,
the sexual energy,
that we usually concentrate on this chakra, the basic chakra, for others,
that is, we use this vital energy for other areas of our life.
For example, if you get a sexually abused woman,
it is much easier to treat her through tantra
than if I spent a thousand hours talking to her.
Sometimes we work a trauma.
and neither feels nor understands rationally that we have solved it,
but in the body already solved.
And, through tantra, resignifying the relation with my body,
I realized that it is precisely this relationship with the body
which has been denied us throughout history,
for us women;
since that: “Take your hand, girl!”,
even the difficulty we have to understand
the thousand possibilities of pleasure that we have …
the issue of smell, we think it’s dirty, right …
the question of we do not know what our anatomy is like …
When was the last time you looked at your vagina?
Have you ever looked at your vagina?
Like, look at the same, understand the anatomy.
Maybe you have, I do not know, 40 years and never looked at your vagina.
Simply the vagina is the biggest of taboos.
And I do not want to be pointing guilty here.
I want to propose solutions,
and I think the real empowerment
needs to go through this re-signification of our relationship with our vagina.
Only thus, having a good relation with our vagina and with our orgasms,
is that we will achieve a creative, powerful, full life,
all that we want and think it will achieve in other areas.
Now, I wanted to propose something to you.
I wanted you to think of the best orgasm you’ve ever had.
But put aside the rational side.
Move away the rational side.
Try to remember, with rich details …
but tries to think beyond the moment itself, the spasms,
the horn of the moment.
Try to think about the next few hours.
Try to think about the next days,
in your mood, how it has changed;
in that sense of self-respect, self-confidence,
in the freedom you have felt.
Try to think of how, suddenly, you have been able to see
the relationship of everything with everything.
It seemed kind of “hippie” to you this thing of the relation of everything with everything,
but I know you know what I’m talking about,
because the orgasm cures.
But for this transcendence, this truly transforming orgasm,
this orgasm that gives you a voice, that empowers you,
you need to re-signify the relationship with your vagina.
Only thus, only with this sexual reform, which passes through this empowerment,
which passes through real orgasms, through this resignification,
only then will we achieve the empowerment that we want.
I once interviewed former porn actress Sasha Gray,
who was an icon of power in an extremely sexist medium, which is porn,
and she told me something I will never forget.
When I asked about her relationship with sex,
she told me: (English) “I love my vagina”.
And that’s it.
I think we can re-signify this relationship in a thousand ways,
but, first of all,
we must relearn to love our vagina.
Thanks.
(Applause)
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