Never Underestimate the Power of a 5th Grade Homework Assigmment | Shelly Anne Rosen | TEDxEverett

I never expected that my son’s homework

I never expected that my son’s homework would change my life but in 2005 he came

would change my life but in 2005 he came

would change my life but in 2005 he came home and told me he had to write a

home and told me he had to write a

home and told me he had to write a country report what country I asked

country report what country I asked

country report what country I asked Rwanda

Rwanda

Rwanda we’re not Spain Mexico or Romania where

we’re not Spain Mexico or Romania where

we’re not Spain Mexico or Romania where is Rwanda we looked at a map and we

is Rwanda we looked at a map and we

is Rwanda we looked at a map and we found one of Africa’s smallest countries

found one of Africa’s smallest countries

found one of Africa’s smallest countries landlocked between Burundi Uganda

landlocked between Burundi Uganda

landlocked between Burundi Uganda Democratic Republic of Congo and

Democratic Republic of Congo and

Democratic Republic of Congo and Tanzania as a neurotic Jewish mother I

Tanzania as a neurotic Jewish mother I

Tanzania as a neurotic Jewish mother I felt I’d had to be involved his report

felt I’d had to be involved his report

felt I’d had to be involved his report took me over continents and oceans for

took me over continents and oceans for

took me over continents and oceans for more than a decade as he and his twin

more than a decade as he and his twin

more than a decade as he and his twin brother were also studying for their Bar

brother were also studying for their Bar

brother were also studying for their Bar Mitzvahs with lessons of the Holocaust

Mitzvahs with lessons of the Holocaust

Mitzvahs with lessons of the Holocaust one day he said to me you know mom this

one day he said to me you know mom this

one day he said to me you know mom this Holocaust and the genocide it’s the same

Holocaust and the genocide it’s the same

Holocaust and the genocide it’s the same why do keep people keep doing this over

why do keep people keep doing this over

why do keep people keep doing this over and over again we had looked in Seattle

and over again we had looked in Seattle

and over again we had looked in Seattle for books and we could only find one and

for books and we could only find one and

for books and we could only find one and so I started helping him to research by

so I started helping him to research by

so I started helping him to research by luck I found a coffee shop in Seattle

luck I found a coffee shop in Seattle

luck I found a coffee shop in Seattle now what’s better for research than

now what’s better for research than

now what’s better for research than coffee we made a date and we went and

coffee we made a date and we went and

coffee we made a date and we went and the owner of the coffee shop told us you

the owner of the coffee shop told us you

the owner of the coffee shop told us you have to meet Arthur why so with one

have to meet Arthur why so with one

have to meet Arthur why so with one email he replied and he said yes he

email he replied and he said yes he

email he replied and he said yes he would help us and he would fill in all

would help us and he would fill in all

would help us and he would fill in all the gaps my son was able to finish his

the gaps my son was able to finish his

the gaps my son was able to finish his report with an a-plus-plus but I was far

report with an a-plus-plus but I was far

report with an a-plus-plus but I was far from done even though he was done this

from done even though he was done this

from done even though he was done this guided me on an adventure to go back to

guided me on an adventure to go back to

guided me on an adventure to go back to school to finish my bachelor’s and to

school to finish my bachelor’s and to

school to finish my bachelor’s and to dig deeper into my own Jewish heritage

dig deeper into my own Jewish heritage

dig deeper into my own Jewish heritage it was my crossroads and there were

it was my crossroads and there were

it was my crossroads and there were beginning signs of connections

beginning signs of connections

beginning signs of connections as the boys were finishing their studies

as the boys were finishing their studies

as the boys were finishing their studies for their bar mitzvah we found out they

for their bar mitzvah we found out they

for their bar mitzvah we found out they also had to do a community service

also had to do a community service

also had to do a community service project what would any parent say well

project what would any parent say well

project what would any parent say well let’s go to Rwanda so I found out that

let’s go to Rwanda so I found out that

let’s go to Rwanda so I found out that well they needed to be 15 to trek the

well they needed to be 15 to trek the

well they needed to be 15 to trek the gorillas and I was nervous about going

gorillas and I was nervous about going

gorillas and I was nervous about going to developing country where I didn’t

to developing country where I didn’t

to developing country where I didn’t speak the language with two 13 year olds

speak the language with two 13 year olds

speak the language with two 13 year olds I have never traveled like that before

I have never traveled like that before

I have never traveled like that before so we decided to wait in the meantime I

so we decided to wait in the meantime I

so we decided to wait in the meantime I worked on my studies emphasized on

worked on my studies emphasized on

worked on my studies emphasized on social justice and conservation then a

social justice and conservation then a

social justice and conservation then a year later in 2006 I was able to make

year later in 2006 I was able to make

year later in 2006 I was able to make that trip for the first time with Arthur

that trip for the first time with Arthur

that trip for the first time with Arthur and I watched him in the fields of the

and I watched him in the fields of the

and I watched him in the fields of the coffee farms with people and I realized

coffee farms with people and I realized

coffee farms with people and I realized that what I was witnessing was a country

that what I was witnessing was a country

that what I was witnessing was a country that had been recently devastated by

that had been recently devastated by

that had been recently devastated by genocide where it was so beautiful and

genocide where it was so beautiful and

genocide where it was so beautiful and so peaceful it was quite amazing and

so peaceful it was quite amazing and

so peaceful it was quite amazing and then I was given a permit to go Trek the

then I was given a permit to go Trek the

then I was given a permit to go Trek the mountain gorillas and if you ever have a

mountain gorillas and if you ever have a

mountain gorillas and if you ever have a chance to do that I recommend it my

chance to do that I recommend it my

chance to do that I recommend it my journey in Rwanda those six days ended

journey in Rwanda those six days ended

journey in Rwanda those six days ended with a trip to the gasosa genocide

with a trip to the gasosa genocide

with a trip to the gasosa genocide memorial there I was followed by our

memorial there I was followed by our

memorial there I was followed by our driver who we didn’t think spoke any

driver who we didn’t think spoke any

driver who we didn’t think spoke any English and from room to room I learned

English and from room to room I learned

English and from room to room I learned so much and then we got to the room

so much and then we got to the room

so much and then we got to the room dedicated to genocides of the 20th

dedicated to genocides of the 20th

dedicated to genocides of the 20th century and I saw images of the

century and I saw images of the

century and I saw images of the Holocaust I looked at the driver and I

Holocaust I looked at the driver and I

Holocaust I looked at the driver and I showed him the Star of David on my neck

showed him the Star of David on my neck

showed him the Star of David on my neck and the ones on the wall and for the

and the ones on the wall and for the

and the ones on the wall and for the first time he said to me so in Rwanda

first time he said to me so in Rwanda

first time he said to me so in Rwanda you’re a Tutsi this gave me a very

you’re a Tutsi this gave me a very

you’re a Tutsi this gave me a very strange feeling of historic connection

strange feeling of historic connection

strange feeling of historic connection over time

over time

over time and distance and person-to-person I left

and distance and person-to-person I left

and distance and person-to-person I left Rwanda the next day I cried the whole

Rwanda the next day I cried the whole

Rwanda the next day I cried the whole way home trying to imagine how I was

way home trying to imagine how I was

way home trying to imagine how I was going to get back to a Wanda

going to get back to a Wanda

going to get back to a Wanda and like any heartsick lover I pined to

and like any heartsick lover I pined to

and like any heartsick lover I pined to go back and I was determined to take my

go back and I was determined to take my

go back and I was determined to take my kids so that they could see and

kids so that they could see and

kids so that they could see and understand what I was seeing why I was

understand what I was seeing why I was

understand what I was seeing why I was there I had also met and made some

there I had also met and made some

there I had also met and made some connections and I hired a driver Paul he

connections and I hired a driver Paul he

connections and I hired a driver Paul he had decided that he would take us to

had decided that he would take us to

had decided that he would take us to Uganda to visit the Abu dire community

Uganda to visit the Abu dire community

Uganda to visit the Abu dire community and our friend rabbi Aaron the Abu daya

and our friend rabbi Aaron the Abu daya

and our friend rabbi Aaron the Abu daya is a community of Jews in Uganda and the

is a community of Jews in Uganda and the

is a community of Jews in Uganda and the only Jewish community of African descent

only Jewish community of African descent

only Jewish community of African descent so when I returned to Seattle in March I

so when I returned to Seattle in March I

so when I returned to Seattle in March I decided to take a deep dive into the

decided to take a deep dive into the

decided to take a deep dive into the pool I looked at my kids and I said what

pool I looked at my kids and I said what

pool I looked at my kids and I said what do you think about not going to Rwanda

do you think about not going to Rwanda

do you think about not going to Rwanda for a month but how about we go for six

for a month but how about we go for six

for a month but how about we go for six months you don’t go to school in Seattle

months you don’t go to school in Seattle

months you don’t go to school in Seattle for your first fall semester of high

for your first fall semester of high

for your first fall semester of high school and we go from August to December

school and we go from August to December

school and we go from August to December and without a lot of thought they said

and without a lot of thought they said

and without a lot of thought they said okay my friends and family thought I had

okay my friends and family thought I had

okay my friends and family thought I had lost my mind I was scared and this was a

lost my mind I was scared and this was a

lost my mind I was scared and this was a kind of commitment I hadn’t never made

kind of commitment I hadn’t never made

kind of commitment I hadn’t never made to anything but being a mom before so

to anything but being a mom before so

to anything but being a mom before so this was really new for me so we emailed

this was really new for me so we emailed

this was really new for me so we emailed back and forth about our itinerary

back and forth about our itinerary

back and forth about our itinerary housing transportation and our packing

housing transportation and our packing

housing transportation and our packing list Paul suggested we bring everything

list Paul suggested we bring everything

list Paul suggested we bring everything to Rwanda because goods in Rwanda are

to Rwanda because goods in Rwanda are

to Rwanda because goods in Rwanda are often scarce and expensive we left with

often scarce and expensive we left with

often scarce and expensive we left with 31 boxes I also made a deal with the

31 boxes I also made a deal with the

31 boxes I also made a deal with the boys

boys

boys the deal was sort of a safety net for

the deal was sort of a safety net for

the deal was sort of a safety net for all of us I said that if at the end of

all of us I said that if at the end of

all of us I said that if at the end of the trip they decided they didn’t want

the trip they decided they didn’t want

the trip they decided they didn’t want to return to Seattle or if they did want

to return to Seattle or if they did want

to return to Seattle or if they did want to return to Seattle I wouldn’t argue

to return to Seattle I wouldn’t argue

to return to Seattle I wouldn’t argue either way one of my kids said to me as

either way one of my kids said to me as

either way one of my kids said to me as we were getting close to leaving he says

we were getting close to leaving he says

we were getting close to leaving he says you know mom I’m kind of nervous about

you know mom I’m kind of nervous about

you know mom I’m kind of nervous about being the only white kid in class and I

being the only white kid in class and I

being the only white kid in class and I said you’re already the only Jew how is

said you’re already the only Jew how is

said you’re already the only Jew how is that different

that different

that different and with that he was kind of okay so I

and with that he was kind of okay so I

and with that he was kind of okay so I believe that travel is a great connector

believe that travel is a great connector

believe that travel is a great connector and an amazing teacher

and an amazing teacher

and an amazing teacher especially when you have an opportunity

especially when you have an opportunity

especially when you have an opportunity to live locally why the boys were in

to live locally why the boys were in

to live locally why the boys were in school I volunteered and worked on my

school I volunteered and worked on my

school I volunteered and worked on my photography at the end of our trip we

photography at the end of our trip we

photography at the end of our trip we had an incredible Safari for 21 days we

had an incredible Safari for 21 days we

had an incredible Safari for 21 days we drove out of Rwanda through the

drove out of Rwanda through the

drove out of Rwanda through the Serengeti in Tanzania up to Kenya and

Serengeti in Tanzania up to Kenya and

Serengeti in Tanzania up to Kenya and Uganda

Uganda

Uganda where we were finally able to spend

where we were finally able to spend

where we were finally able to spend Shabbat with our friend rabbi Aaron it

Shabbat with our friend rabbi Aaron it

Shabbat with our friend rabbi Aaron it was truly a Safari of a lifetime but

was truly a Safari of a lifetime but

was truly a Safari of a lifetime but things had changed with Paul and we had

things had changed with Paul and we had

things had changed with Paul and we had fallen in love with each other so one of

fallen in love with each other so one of

fallen in love with each other so one of our last nights in together in Rwanda he

our last nights in together in Rwanda he

our last nights in together in Rwanda he took me to the restaurant called heaven

took me to the restaurant called heaven

took me to the restaurant called heaven after dessert he surprised me and asked

after dessert he surprised me and asked

after dessert he surprised me and asked me to marry him I said yes so this

me to marry him I said yes so this

me to marry him I said yes so this promise meant though that I had to take

promise meant though that I had to take

promise meant though that I had to take the boys back to Seattle and we decided

the boys back to Seattle and we decided

the boys back to Seattle and we decided and I had to leave Paul behind we

and I had to leave Paul behind we

and I had to leave Paul behind we decided that we would keep our

decided that we would keep our

decided that we would keep our engagement a secret in part because we

engagement a secret in part because we

engagement a secret in part because we didn’t want a funny rumor mill going

didn’t want a funny rumor mill going

didn’t want a funny rumor mill going around and also we needed to secure his

around and also we needed to secure his

around and also we needed to secure his visa staying connected with Paul wasn’t

visa staying connected with Paul wasn’t

visa staying connected with Paul wasn’t too hard I was commuting back and forth

too hard I was commuting back and forth

too hard I was commuting back and forth and we had also used a lot of email and

and we had also used a lot of email and

and we had also used a lot of email and a lot of Skype we decided to open a

a lot of Skype we decided to open a

a lot of Skype we decided to open a business called in Horry expeditions and

business called in Horry expeditions and

business called in Horry expeditions and business tours we chose the word in

business tours we chose the word in

business tours we chose the word in whoring for

whoring for

whoring for variety of reasons one and horrid

variety of reasons one and horrid

variety of reasons one and horrid answers are unique to Rwanda they were

answers are unique to Rwanda they were

answers are unique to Rwanda they were the dancers entertainers and warriors

the dancers entertainers and warriors

the dancers entertainers and warriors for the kings in ancient times it was a

for the kings in ancient times it was a

for the kings in ancient times it was a word that people could say without being

word that people could say without being

word that people could say without being misunderstood and it meant chosen Paul

misunderstood and it meant chosen Paul

misunderstood and it meant chosen Paul and I had always acknowledged our unique

and I had always acknowledged our unique

and I had always acknowledged our unique connection through genocide and we

connection through genocide and we

connection through genocide and we thought that this would be an

thought that this would be an

thought that this would be an interesting and unique advantage for our

interesting and unique advantage for our

interesting and unique advantage for our guests coming to Rwanda

guests coming to Rwanda

guests coming to Rwanda Paul was a returnee to Rwanda from

Paul was a returnee to Rwanda from

Paul was a returnee to Rwanda from Uganda so he came with a knowledge of

Uganda so he came with a knowledge of

Uganda so he came with a knowledge of what Rwanda needed as an expat I had an

what Rwanda needed as an expat I had an

what Rwanda needed as an expat I had an idea of what some of the tourists might

idea of what some of the tourists might

idea of what some of the tourists might like we thought this was a match made in

like we thought this was a match made in

like we thought this was a match made in heaven

heaven

heaven back in Seattle the boys were in high

back in Seattle the boys were in high

back in Seattle the boys were in high school and I had finished my bachelor’s

school and I had finished my bachelor’s

school and I had finished my bachelor’s degree and for the first time in my life

degree and for the first time in my life

degree and for the first time in my life I was loving being a student I found a

I was loving being a student I found a

I was loving being a student I found a master’s program that allowed me to

master’s program that allowed me to

master’s program that allowed me to graduate within days of the boys

graduate within days of the boys

graduate within days of the boys graduating from high school so I

graduating from high school so I

graduating from high school so I enrolled in this program for creative

enrolled in this program for creative

enrolled in this program for creative change we didn’t have to do a thesis we

change we didn’t have to do a thesis we

change we didn’t have to do a thesis we had to create a change project my change

had to create a change project my change

had to create a change project my change project was designing a tour for

project was designing a tour for

project was designing a tour for educators into Rwanda about genocide

educators into Rwanda about genocide

educators into Rwanda about genocide reconciliation and rebuilding but now I

reconciliation and rebuilding but now I

reconciliation and rebuilding but now I had this funny balance of life between

had this funny balance of life between

had this funny balance of life between Rwanda and Seattle I had one kid at home

Rwanda and Seattle I had one kid at home

Rwanda and Seattle I had one kid at home with the dog and one kid in college in

with the dog and one kid in college in

with the dog and one kid in college in Chicago and I had this feeling of always

Chicago and I had this feeling of always

Chicago and I had this feeling of always being home and never being home Rwanda

being home and never being home Rwanda

being home and never being home Rwanda is about 24 hours and 8,000 miles from

is about 24 hours and 8,000 miles from

is about 24 hours and 8,000 miles from Seattle one way so the struggle to stay

Seattle one way so the struggle to stay

Seattle one way so the struggle to stay connected especially to home was hard I

connected especially to home was hard I

connected especially to home was hard I decided to start writing for about a

decided to start writing for about a

decided to start writing for about a year

year

year what I called my thirst I know it was

what I called my thirst I know it was

what I called my thirst I know it was essentially an open diary unedited of

essentially an open diary unedited of

essentially an open diary unedited of what was going on and how we were

what was going on and how we were

what was going on and how we were managing I used what’s happened Facebook

managing I used what’s happened Facebook

managing I used what’s happened Facebook a lot I know that time and distance is a

a lot I know that time and distance is a

a lot I know that time and distance is a strain on our relationships and I know

strain on our relationships and I know

strain on our relationships and I know we all know we’re busy and that has

we all know we’re busy and that has

we all know we’re busy and that has become a kind of a bone of contention

become a kind of a bone of contention

become a kind of a bone of contention for me because we all make time for what

for me because we all make time for what

for me because we all make time for what we we feel is important and for who is

we we feel is important and for who is

we we feel is important and for who is important but in the connection world my

important but in the connection world my

important but in the connection world my online community has helped I used

online community has helped I used

online community has helped I used Facebook and photography groups and

Facebook and photography groups and

Facebook and photography groups and through that I found that my letters

through that I found that my letters

through that I found that my letters weren’t as interesting as my images and

weren’t as interesting as my images and

weren’t as interesting as my images and that has given me a whole different set

that has given me a whole different set

that has given me a whole different set of sex satisfaction I’ve also found

of sex satisfaction I’ve also found

of sex satisfaction I’ve also found Rwanda to be what I’ve called Jewishly

Rwanda to be what I’ve called Jewishly

Rwanda to be what I’ve called Jewishly lonely because of the large mission

lonely because of the large mission

lonely because of the large mission community it’s been an awkward place for

community it’s been an awkward place for

community it’s been an awkward place for me to feel like I fit in so I had left

me to feel like I fit in so I had left

me to feel like I fit in so I had left Seattle very much participating in my

Seattle very much participating in my

Seattle very much participating in my synagogue I had taught Sunday School

synagogue I had taught Sunday School

synagogue I had taught Sunday School Ganju Shabbat and I had recently even

Ganju Shabbat and I had recently even

Ganju Shabbat and I had recently even had my own adult Bat Mitzvah like I

had my own adult Bat Mitzvah like I

had my own adult Bat Mitzvah like I needed one more thing to do but I did

needed one more thing to do but I did

needed one more thing to do but I did and I missed that sense of connection

and I missed that sense of connection

and I missed that sense of connection and tradition

and tradition

and tradition so my remedy was to start a Facebook

so my remedy was to start a Facebook

so my remedy was to start a Facebook page called Jewish in Rwanda seeking

page called Jewish in Rwanda seeking

page called Jewish in Rwanda seeking either people traveling through Rwanda

either people traveling through Rwanda

either people traveling through Rwanda or expats living in Rwanda that were

or expats living in Rwanda that were

or expats living in Rwanda that were also Jewishly lonely the ebb and flow of

also Jewishly lonely the ebb and flow of

also Jewishly lonely the ebb and flow of our community had shrinks and grows

our community had shrinks and grows

our community had shrinks and grows people come and go but two years ago we

people come and go but two years ago we

people come and go but two years ago we were able to host a community of 15 to

were able to host a community of 15 to

were able to host a community of 15 to 22 Jews for Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur

22 Jews for Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur

22 Jews for Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur Sukkot Purim and Passover it was a

Sukkot Purim and Passover it was a

Sukkot Purim and Passover it was a unique community from seven countries

unique community from seven countries

unique community from seven countries five or six States Jews of different

five or six States Jews of different

five or six States Jews of different kinds of observation dietary

kinds of observation dietary

kinds of observation dietary restrictions and knowledge

restrictions and knowledge

restrictions and knowledge but it didn’t matter to anybody because

but it didn’t matter to anybody because

but it didn’t matter to anybody because we were together and we had form

we were together and we had form

we were together and we had form dominion and for one year

dominion and for one year

dominion and for one year I wasn’t Jewish late only then in 2013

I wasn’t Jewish late only then in 2013

I wasn’t Jewish late only then in 2013 Paul and I were finally able to get

Paul and I were finally able to get

Paul and I were finally able to get married it was a crazy weekend where

married it was a crazy weekend where

married it was a crazy weekend where Hanukkah and thanksgiving had this

Hanukkah and thanksgiving had this

Hanukkah and thanksgiving had this collide together it’s a

collide together it’s a

collide together it’s a once-in-a-lifetime event

once-in-a-lifetime event

once-in-a-lifetime event we melded our lives together under the

we melded our lives together under the

we melded our lives together under the Hupa the Jewish wedding canopy where I

Hupa the Jewish wedding canopy where I

Hupa the Jewish wedding canopy where I took all the fabrics I had collected

took all the fabrics I had collected

took all the fabrics I had collected from Rwanda and I created and designed

from Rwanda and I created and designed

from Rwanda and I created and designed our own wedding canopy one that talked

our own wedding canopy one that talked

our own wedding canopy one that talked about our travel migration and community

about our travel migration and community

about our travel migration and community we even designed our wedding cake to

we even designed our wedding cake to

we even designed our wedding cake to look like African fabric with safari

look like African fabric with safari

look like African fabric with safari animals on it it was an incredible day

animals on it it was an incredible day

animals on it it was an incredible day of friends and family connecting

of friends and family connecting

of friends and family connecting traditions and love together as I

traditions and love together as I

traditions and love together as I reflect back on these last 12 years

reflect back on these last 12 years

reflect back on these last 12 years who would ever imagine that a 5th grade

who would ever imagine that a 5th grade

who would ever imagine that a 5th grade homework project could do this much for

homework project could do this much for

homework project could do this much for the mom it has brought me to realize the

the mom it has brought me to realize the

the mom it has brought me to realize the connections of my friends family faith

connections of my friends family faith

connections of my friends family faith photography learning and love the

photography learning and love the

photography learning and love the biggest connection was the connection

biggest connection was the connection

biggest connection was the connection I’ve been able to make for myself to

I’ve been able to make for myself to

I’ve been able to make for myself to find something that truly I’m engaged in

find something that truly I’m engaged in

find something that truly I’m engaged in I know I am living us crazy lucky life

I know I am living us crazy lucky life

I know I am living us crazy lucky life right now being able to commute back and

right now being able to commute back and

right now being able to commute back and forth we say what do you want to do this

forth we say what do you want to do this

forth we say what do you want to do this weekend oh let’s go look at your rafts

weekend oh let’s go look at your rafts

weekend oh let’s go look at your rafts some days it’s so incredible I look in

some days it’s so incredible I look in

some days it’s so incredible I look in the mirror and I say do you know you

the mirror and I say do you know you

the mirror and I say do you know you live in Rwanda how did you get here and

live in Rwanda how did you get here and

live in Rwanda how did you get here and then I have to pinch myself

then I have to pinch myself

then I have to pinch myself so in conclusion my suggestion is

so in conclusion my suggestion is

so in conclusion my suggestion is the next time you ask someone what they

the next time you ask someone what they

the next time you ask someone what they have for homework tonight never

have for homework tonight never

have for homework tonight never underestimate the power of a fifth grade

underestimate the power of a fifth grade

underestimate the power of a fifth grade homework assignment it might just have

homework assignment it might just have

homework assignment it might just have you diving into the deep end of the pool

you diving into the deep end of the pool

you diving into the deep end of the pool – thank you

– thank you

– thank you [Applause]