a few weeks ago I was asked to convene a conversation on race with a few of my
conversation on race with a few of my
conversation on race with a few of my arts colleagues talk about awkward here
arts colleagues talk about awkward here
arts colleagues talk about awkward here we were sitting in this intimate circle
we were sitting in this intimate circle
we were sitting in this intimate circle we’re all sort of about 15 of us from
we’re all sort of about 15 of us from
we’re all sort of about 15 of us from different backgrounds leaning in trying
different backgrounds leaning in trying
different backgrounds leaning in trying to be good listeners but as the
to be good listeners but as the
to be good listeners but as the conversation progressed things began to
conversation progressed things began to
conversation progressed things began to surface said I just wasn’t prepared to
surface said I just wasn’t prepared to
surface said I just wasn’t prepared to hear one of my white male colleagues
hear one of my white male colleagues
hear one of my white male colleagues made the comment that he now knows what
made the comment that he now knows what
made the comment that he now knows what it feels like to be a minority a younger
it feels like to be a minority a younger
it feels like to be a minority a younger colleague remained silent for fear of
colleague remained silent for fear of
colleague remained silent for fear of saying the wrong thing and yet to make
saying the wrong thing and yet to make
saying the wrong thing and yet to make matters worse a third white male
matters worse a third white male
matters worse a third white male colleague dropped the n-word well I
colleague dropped the n-word well I
colleague dropped the n-word well I wasn’t prepared for that I was so
wasn’t prepared for that I was so
wasn’t prepared for that I was so disturbed by what I just heard that I
disturbed by what I just heard that I
disturbed by what I just heard that I found myself wandering around aimlessly
found myself wandering around aimlessly
found myself wandering around aimlessly until I found myself on a park bench
until I found myself on a park bench
until I found myself on a park bench where I sat for about an hour trying to
where I sat for about an hour trying to
where I sat for about an hour trying to make sense of what I just experienced
make sense of what I just experienced
make sense of what I just experienced conversations on race particularly those
conversations on race particularly those
conversations on race particularly those in mixed company are hard they can be
in mixed company are hard they can be
in mixed company are hard they can be painful and messy and they often go awry
painful and messy and they often go awry
painful and messy and they often go awry but do they have to in my role is
but do they have to in my role is
but do they have to in my role is executive director of a major theatre I
executive director of a major theatre I
executive director of a major theatre I make a choice every day to support art
make a choice every day to support art
make a choice every day to support art that allows us to celebrate our common
that allows us to celebrate our common
that allows us to celebrate our common humanity while engaging those things
humanity while engaging those things
humanity while engaging those things that seem to divide us race included in
that seem to divide us race included in
that seem to divide us race included in this position I’ve been thinking a lot
this position I’ve been thinking a lot
this position I’ve been thinking a lot about how can we enter these difficult
about how can we enter these difficult
about how can we enter these difficult conversations in a way that get to the
conversations in a way that get to the
conversations in a way that get to the heart of the matter while also honoring
heart of the matter while also honoring
heart of the matter while also honoring our collective dignity it shouldn’t be
our collective dignity it shouldn’t be
our collective dignity it shouldn’t be that hard right perhaps there are some
that hard right perhaps there are some
that hard right perhaps there are some of you in the room who actually jump at
of you in the room who actually jump at
of you in the room who actually jump at the opportunity to talk about race well
the opportunity to talk about race well
the opportunity to talk about race well that certainly hasn’t been my experience
that certainly hasn’t been my experience
that certainly hasn’t been my experience in fact I spent the first 25 years of my
in fact I spent the first 25 years of my
in fact I spent the first 25 years of my life doing everything I could to avoid
life doing everything I could to avoid
life doing everything I could to avoid the conversation and then one day I woke
the conversation and then one day I woke
the conversation and then one day I woke up I realized that as much as I was
up I realized that as much as I was
up I realized that as much as I was trying to run from the conversation I
trying to run from the conversation I
trying to run from the conversation I just
just
just running right into it and as I say if
running right into it and as I say if
running right into it and as I say if you can’t beat them join them and so
you can’t beat them join them and so
you can’t beat them join them and so today I find myself actually looking for
today I find myself actually looking for
today I find myself actually looking for the conversation not for shame blame or
the conversation not for shame blame or
the conversation not for shame blame or guilt but rather to find more
guilt but rather to find more
guilt but rather to find more comfortable ways to engage with others
comfortable ways to engage with others
comfortable ways to engage with others in this important conversation and I’m
in this important conversation and I’m
in this important conversation and I’m learning you know I’d like to share a
learning you know I’d like to share a
learning you know I’d like to share a few personal stories and lessons and not
few personal stories and lessons and not
few personal stories and lessons and not all specifically about race but lessons
all specifically about race but lessons
all specifically about race but lessons that have helped me to understand that
that have helped me to understand that
that have helped me to understand that the real important and ongoing work to
the real important and ongoing work to
the real important and ongoing work to successful conversations on race
successful conversations on race
successful conversations on race actually begin before you sit down
actually begin before you sit down
actually begin before you sit down here’s what I’ve been thinking there are
here’s what I’ve been thinking there are
here’s what I’ve been thinking there are three steps and to make it a little bit
three steps and to make it a little bit
three steps and to make it a little bit easier each step begins with the letter
easier each step begins with the letter
easier each step begins with the letter s the first step is self-awareness
s the first step is self-awareness
s the first step is self-awareness self-awareness is critical the second
self-awareness is critical the second
self-awareness is critical the second step is to surround yourself with others
step is to surround yourself with others
step is to surround yourself with others who are different from you and then a
who are different from you and then a
who are different from you and then a third and final step is to speak up to
third and final step is to speak up to
third and final step is to speak up to initiate and support change let’s start
initiate and support change let’s start
initiate and support change let’s start with step one in starting with self we
with step one in starting with self we
with step one in starting with self we first must realize that we are all human
first must realize that we are all human
first must realize that we are all human and as such we are deeply biased I know
and as such we are deeply biased I know
and as such we are deeply biased I know I find myself running into my bias on a
I find myself running into my bias on a
I find myself running into my bias on a regular occasion and I want to share one
regular occasion and I want to share one
regular occasion and I want to share one of those biases with you I have a bias a
of those biases with you I have a bias a
of those biases with you I have a bias a slight bias against white men with
slight bias against white men with
slight bias against white men with beards now this is a little tricky
beards now this is a little tricky
beards now this is a little tricky because I work with a lot of great white
because I work with a lot of great white
because I work with a lot of great white men with beards and some of you in the
men with beards and some of you in the
men with beards and some of you in the audience today but I want you to know
audience today but I want you to know
audience today but I want you to know that I work really hard every day to
that I work really hard every day to
that I work really hard every day to fight against this bias here’s how it
fight against this bias here’s how it
fight against this bias here’s how it showed up I was teaching a class several
showed up I was teaching a class several
showed up I was teaching a class several years ago and in the back of the room
years ago and in the back of the room
years ago and in the back of the room set a young white man with a beard now
set a young white man with a beard now
set a young white man with a beard now every time he raised his hand to be
every time he raised his hand to be
every time he raised his hand to be recognized I would find myself avoiding
recognized I would find myself avoiding
recognized I would find myself avoiding him but he was a good kid he was
him but he was a good kid he was
him but he was a good kid he was punctual he was present he participated
punctual he was present he participated
punctual he was present he participated and he pushed back it’s everything a
and he pushed back it’s everything a
and he pushed back it’s everything a teacher wants in a student but when this
teacher wants in a student but when this
teacher wants in a student but when this particular student pushed back I would
particular student pushed back I would
particular student pushed back I would take it personally and I became
take it personally and I became
take it personally and I became defensive and I knew there was something
defensive and I knew there was something
defensive and I knew there was something really wrong with this interaction he
really wrong with this interaction he
really wrong with this interaction he could sense it and so could I and so one
could sense it and so could I and so one
could sense it and so could I and so one day on my drive home I asked myself
day on my drive home I asked myself
day on my drive home I asked myself why don’t I like this kid and then it
why don’t I like this kid and then it
why don’t I like this kid and then it all began to make sense when I was in
all began to make sense when I was in
all began to make sense when I was in high school back in Murfreesboro
high school back in Murfreesboro
high school back in Murfreesboro Tennessee I took a lot of courses in the
Tennessee I took a lot of courses in the
Tennessee I took a lot of courses in the annex which was outside the main
annex which was outside the main
annex which was outside the main building but to get to that enix I had
building but to get to that enix I had
building but to get to that enix I had to walk through a horde of agricultural
to walk through a horde of agricultural
to walk through a horde of agricultural students on most occasions they’d part
students on most occasions they’d part
students on most occasions they’d part ways and let me through
ways and let me through
ways and let me through bid on other occasions they would
bid on other occasions they would
bid on other occasions they would hesitate slightly and as I passed they
hesitate slightly and as I passed they
hesitate slightly and as I passed they would spit Brown tobacco chew at my feet
would spit Brown tobacco chew at my feet
would spit Brown tobacco chew at my feet unfortunately they were all wearing
unfortunately they were all wearing
unfortunately they were all wearing beards here’s the point of that story I
beards here’s the point of that story I
beards here’s the point of that story I believe I am the most open accepting
believe I am the most open accepting
believe I am the most open accepting honest person
honest person
honest person I value diversity I value difference but
I value diversity I value difference but
I value diversity I value difference but by bias against white men with beard was
by bias against white men with beard was
by bias against white men with beard was in direct conflict with my deeply held
in direct conflict with my deeply held
in direct conflict with my deeply held values direct conflict with my deeply
values direct conflict with my deeply
values direct conflict with my deeply held values but here’s the good news
held values but here’s the good news
held values but here’s the good news well before we get to the good news is
well before we get to the good news is
well before we get to the good news is not that I’m proud of that bias by the
not that I’m proud of that bias by the
not that I’m proud of that bias by the way and it’s not Provident to
way and it’s not Provident to
way and it’s not Provident to acknowledge it but by not acknowledging
acknowledge it but by not acknowledging
acknowledge it but by not acknowledging it how will the vicious cycle end how
it how will the vicious cycle end how
it how will the vicious cycle end how can I get to know other people when I
can I get to know other people when I
can I get to know other people when I haven’t taken the time to get to know
haven’t taken the time to get to know
haven’t taken the time to get to know myself but here’s the good news though
myself but here’s the good news though
myself but here’s the good news though behaviors are hard to change unwanted
behaviors are hard to change unwanted
behaviors are hard to change unwanted biases researchers tell us can be
biases researchers tell us can be
biases researchers tell us can be mitigated we simply have to unearth them
mitigated we simply have to unearth them
mitigated we simply have to unearth them look them in the eye and make the
look them in the eye and make the
look them in the eye and make the commitment to do better I’m learning to
commitment to do better I’m learning to
commitment to do better I’m learning to be fearless when it comes to
be fearless when it comes to
be fearless when it comes to interrogating myself even the parts that
interrogating myself even the parts that
interrogating myself even the parts that don’t make me proud step 2
don’t make me proud step 2
don’t make me proud step 2 surround yourself with people who are
surround yourself with people who are
surround yourself with people who are different from you now I’m not sure
different from you now I’m not sure
different from you now I’m not sure about your experience but when I was
about your experience but when I was
about your experience but when I was growing up in Tennessee if you’re a
growing up in Tennessee if you’re a
growing up in Tennessee if you’re a black kid you hung out with black kids
black kid you hung out with black kids
black kid you hung out with black kids if you’re an Asian kid you hung out with
if you’re an Asian kid you hung out with
if you’re an Asian kid you hung out with Asian kids and if you were queer well
Asian kids and if you were queer well
Asian kids and if you were queer well good luck right but my experience was
good luck right but my experience was
good luck right but my experience was slightly different I had the privilege
slightly different I had the privilege
slightly different I had the privilege of being surrounded by the most
of being surrounded by the most
of being surrounded by the most amazingly diverse group of friends and
amazingly diverse group of friends and
amazingly diverse group of friends and so much of Who I am today is as a result
so much of Who I am today is as a result
so much of Who I am today is as a result of those relationships about a year and
of those relationships about a year and
of those relationships about a year and a half ago I had the opportunity to join
a half ago I had the opportunity to join
a half ago I had the opportunity to join a collaborative leadership team at the
a collaborative leadership team at the
a collaborative leadership team at the theater there are three of us there’s a
theater there are three of us there’s a
theater there are three of us there’s a tall white man
tall white man
tall white man who occasionally wears a beard there’s
who occasionally wears a beard there’s
who occasionally wears a beard there’s the black man in the middle that’s me
the black man in the middle that’s me
the black man in the middle that’s me and then there’s Carl Carl is a
and then there’s Carl Carl is a
and then there’s Carl Carl is a transgender man and you know I realized
transgender man and you know I realized
transgender man and you know I realized before joining that leadership team that
before joining that leadership team that
before joining that leadership team that I was aware of the transgender community
I was aware of the transgender community
I was aware of the transgender community but I’d never gotten a chance to know a
but I’d never gotten a chance to know a
but I’d never gotten a chance to know a trans person and that all changed when I
trans person and that all changed when I
trans person and that all changed when I met Carl it radically transformed the
met Carl it radically transformed the
met Carl it radically transformed the way that I thought about transgenders
way that I thought about transgenders
way that I thought about transgenders when I actually walked one day in Carl’s
when I actually walked one day in Carl’s
when I actually walked one day in Carl’s shoes I was appalled at the mess that he
shoes I was appalled at the mess that he
shoes I was appalled at the mess that he has to endure on a daily basis the
has to endure on a daily basis the
has to endure on a daily basis the glaring looks the giggles the unsafe
glaring looks the giggles the unsafe
glaring looks the giggles the unsafe environment in many ways we were very
environment in many ways we were very
environment in many ways we were very different on the surface I as a black
different on the surface I as a black
different on the surface I as a black man he is a trans man but in other ways
man he is a trans man but in other ways
man he is a trans man but in other ways we were dealing with the same
we were dealing with the same
we were dealing with the same microaggressions the same disdainful
microaggressions the same disdainful
microaggressions the same disdainful looks and the same sense and messages
looks and the same sense and messages
looks and the same sense and messages that we didn’t belong but it wasn’t it
that we didn’t belong but it wasn’t it
that we didn’t belong but it wasn’t it was the commonality not the difference
was the commonality not the difference
was the commonality not the difference that connected me and Carl Moe deeply to
that connected me and Carl Moe deeply to
that connected me and Carl Moe deeply to each other because I had the chance to
each other because I had the chance to
each other because I had the chance to perspective take to walk one day in his
perspective take to walk one day in his
perspective take to walk one day in his shoes I have a deeper appreciation and a
shoes I have a deeper appreciation and a
shoes I have a deeper appreciation and a respect for what it means to be
respect for what it means to be
respect for what it means to be transgender and here’s the better news
transgender and here’s the better news
transgender and here’s the better news I’ll never look at a transgender person
I’ll never look at a transgender person
I’ll never look at a transgender person in the same way here’s the takeaway from
in the same way here’s the takeaway from
in the same way here’s the takeaway from step two of surrounding yourself with
step two of surrounding yourself with
step two of surrounding yourself with people who are different I never would
people who are different I never would
people who are different I never would have had that perspective that
have had that perspective that
have had that perspective that eye-opening experience had I only
eye-opening experience had I only
eye-opening experience had I only surrounded myself with people who look
surrounded myself with people who look
surrounded myself with people who look like me but it’s easier said than done
like me but it’s easier said than done
like me but it’s easier said than done we find ourselves in increasingly inbred
we find ourselves in increasingly inbred
we find ourselves in increasingly inbred circles listen to the research a 2014
circles listen to the research a 2014
circles listen to the research a 2014 study by the Public Religion Research
study by the Public Religion Research
study by the Public Religion Research Institute said that three-quarters
Institute said that three-quarters
Institute said that three-quarters that’s seventy five percent of white
that’s seventy five percent of white
that’s seventy five percent of white people have zero none non-white friends
people have zero none non-white friends
people have zero none non-white friends I can only imagine how dismal those
I can only imagine how dismal those
I can only imagine how dismal those numbers are when we think about how many
numbers are when we think about how many
numbers are when we think about how many transgender friends we have step three
transgender friends we have step three
transgender friends we have step three step three is to speak up now speaking
step three is to speak up now speaking
step three is to speak up now speaking up can take on many many different forms
up can take on many many different forms
up can take on many many different forms it could be as simple as well just a
it could be as simple as well just a
it could be as simple as well just a couple of weeks ago when I was arrived
couple of weeks ago when I was arrived
couple of weeks ago when I was arrived in an upscale restaurant with my family
in an upscale restaurant with my family
in an upscale restaurant with my family in a quaint little town in western
in a quaint little town in western
in a quaint little town in western Massachusetts you probably know where
Massachusetts you probably know where
Massachusetts you probably know where this story is going we were had been in
this story is going we were had been in
this story is going we were had been in the car for a couple of hours the kids
the car for a couple of hours the kids
the car for a couple of hours the kids were a little restless they were tired
were a little restless they were tired
were a little restless they were tired dad are we there yet we’re so hungry
dad are we there yet we’re so hungry
dad are we there yet we’re so hungry so finally we arrived at the restaurant
so finally we arrived at the restaurant
so finally we arrived at the restaurant we hop out of the car head in and I say
we hop out of the car head in and I say
we hop out of the car head in and I say table for four for lunch and that’s when
table for four for lunch and that’s when
table for four for lunch and that’s when all things started to go sour as we
all things started to go sour as we
all things started to go sour as we stood there patiently waiting the
stood there patiently waiting the
stood there patiently waiting the hostess
hostess
hostess looked past us and began to seat other
looked past us and began to seat other
looked past us and began to seat other people even those who had arrived after
people even those who had arrived after
people even those who had arrived after us deep cleansing breaths I say to
us deep cleansing breaths I say to
us deep cleansing breaths I say to myself deep cleansing breaths and on
myself deep cleansing breaths and on
myself deep cleansing breaths and on that moment an innocent bystander white
that moment an innocent bystander white
that moment an innocent bystander white lady smartly dressed spoke up and said
lady smartly dressed spoke up and said
lady smartly dressed spoke up and said to the hostess excuse me do you see this
to the hostess excuse me do you see this
to the hostess excuse me do you see this family they were here before us and I
family they were here before us and I
family they were here before us and I thought yes thank you right this
thought yes thank you right this
thought yes thank you right this innocent lady used her social privilege
innocent lady used her social privilege
innocent lady used her social privilege herself social privilege to address an
herself social privilege to address an
herself social privilege to address an indignity towards me and that made me
indignity towards me and that made me
indignity towards me and that made me feel powerful and I’m sure she felt
feel powerful and I’m sure she felt
feel powerful and I’m sure she felt pretty good about it
pretty good about it
pretty good about it but sadly research tells us that very
but sadly research tells us that very
but sadly research tells us that very rarely do people take the opportunity to
rarely do people take the opportunity to
rarely do people take the opportunity to confront bias even when it’s their
confront bias even when it’s their
confront bias even when it’s their instinct to do so we’ve all been there
instinct to do so we’ve all been there
instinct to do so we’ve all been there right we’ve heard someone make an
right we’ve heard someone make an
right we’ve heard someone make an oppressive comment around someone else
oppressive comment around someone else
oppressive comment around someone else maybe it was grandma the dinner table or
maybe it was grandma the dinner table or
maybe it was grandma the dinner table or a colleague at work sometimes we say
a colleague at work sometimes we say
a colleague at work sometimes we say something sometimes we don’t every
something sometimes we don’t every
something sometimes we don’t every situation is different but speaking up
situation is different but speaking up
situation is different but speaking up asks us to step outside of our comfort
asks us to step outside of our comfort
asks us to step outside of our comfort zone
zone
zone it asks us to be courageous and for
it asks us to be courageous and for
it asks us to be courageous and for those of us who are in positions of
those of us who are in positions of
those of us who are in positions of privilege and power generally speaking
privilege and power generally speaking
privilege and power generally speaking we have less to lose and so I encourage
we have less to lose and so I encourage
we have less to lose and so I encourage you to speak up to honor your own
you to speak up to honor your own
you to speak up to honor your own dignity and the dignity of others
dignity and the dignity of others
dignity and the dignity of others even while confronting their bias so let
even while confronting their bias so let
even while confronting their bias so let me end where I began conversations on
me end where I began conversations on
me end where I began conversations on race are hard it was hard I think back
race are hard it was hard I think back
race are hard it was hard I think back and I think we could have done had a
and I think we could have done had a
and I think we could have done had a much more productive conversation with
much more productive conversation with
much more productive conversation with my arts colleagues had we entered that
my arts colleagues had we entered that
my arts colleagues had we entered that conversation being more self-aware if we
conversation being more self-aware if we
conversation being more self-aware if we had taken stock of our own privileges
had taken stock of our own privileges
had taken stock of our own privileges and our own biases we probably would
and our own biases we probably would
and our own biases we probably would have been able to listen to each other
have been able to listen to each other
have been able to listen to each other more deeply if we had already surrounded
more deeply if we had already surrounded
more deeply if we had already surrounded ourselves with perspectives that were
ourselves with perspectives that were
ourselves with perspectives that were different from ours and finally when
different from ours and finally when
different from ours and finally when that N word was dropped we all would
that N word was dropped we all would
that N word was dropped we all would have spoken up to honor our collective
have spoken up to honor our collective
have spoken up to honor our collective dignity
dignity
dignity well that conversation is common gone
well that conversation is common gone
well that conversation is common gone but others will follow and I take
but others will follow and I take
but others will follow and I take inspiration from Maya Angelou when she
inspiration from Maya Angelou when she
inspiration from Maya Angelou when she says when we know better we do better
says when we know better we do better
says when we know better we do better when we take the chance to know
when we take the chance to know
when we take the chance to know ourselves well enough then we can come
ourselves well enough then we can come
ourselves well enough then we can come together across our differences and get
together across our differences and get
together across our differences and get to know each other we can sit and talk
to know each other we can sit and talk
to know each other we can sit and talk together in truth and in dignity thank
together in truth and in dignity thank
together in truth and in dignity thank you
you
you [Applause]
”
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