pet peeves pet peeves are those little annoyances that we have in life that
annoyances that we have in life that
annoyances that we have in life that often consume far too much of our
often consume far too much of our
often consume far too much of our psychic energy there they irritate us
psychic energy there they irritate us
psychic energy there they irritate us far too much and what I want to do today
far too much and what I want to do today
far too much and what I want to do today is share some of my pet peeves with you
is share some of my pet peeves with you
is share some of my pet peeves with you but I think I’m going to find that you
but I think I’m going to find that you
but I think I’m going to find that you have similar peeves yourself so let’s
have similar peeves yourself so let’s
have similar peeves yourself so let’s get started all right this is not a pet
get started all right this is not a pet
get started all right this is not a pet peeve of mine the dogs got to do what a
peeve of mine the dogs got to do what a
peeve of mine the dogs got to do what a dog’s got to do I have it on myself
dog’s got to do I have it on myself
dog’s got to do I have it on myself my pet peeve is with the dog’s owner
my pet peeve is with the dog’s owner
my pet peeve is with the dog’s owner because the dog’s owners going to come
because the dog’s owners going to come
because the dog’s owners going to come up with his or her leash leash the dog
up with his or her leash leash the dog
up with his or her leash leash the dog and walk home leaving the little doggie
and walk home leaving the little doggie
and walk home leaving the little doggie deposit behind now what’s going to
deposit behind now what’s going to
deposit behind now what’s going to happen is I or someone else will come
happen is I or someone else will come
happen is I or someone else will come along and step in the little doggie
along and step in the little doggie
along and step in the little doggie deposit very irritating and what’s even
deposit very irritating and what’s even
deposit very irritating and what’s even more irritating is that you know at that
more irritating is that you know at that
more irritating is that you know at that owners house in some closet or some
owners house in some closet or some
owners house in some closet or some drawer is a room for you as all these
drawer is a room for you as all these
drawer is a room for you as all these plastic bags I mean there’s a great way
plastic bags I mean there’s a great way
plastic bags I mean there’s a great way to recycle plastic pick up your dog poop
speaking of poop we have here we have
speaking of poop we have here we have here we have here the under and over
here we have here the under and over
here we have here the under and over conundrum and this is a little bit of
conundrum and this is a little bit of
conundrum and this is a little bit of audience participation right now so with
audience participation right now so with
audience participation right now so with your applause since I can’t really see
your applause since I can’t really see
your applause since I can’t really see hands how many of you here think that it
hands how many of you here think that it
hands how many of you here think that it doesn’t matter which way you put the
doesn’t matter which way you put the
doesn’t matter which way you put the toilet paper on the roll
toilet paper on the roll
toilet paper on the roll let me hear any applause
[Applause]
[Applause] my wife is not here you are probably the
my wife is not here you are probably the
my wife is not here you are probably the same people here now how many of you are
same people here now how many of you are
same people here now how many of you are think that the role on the left the
think that the role on the left the
think that the role on the left the under is the way it should go on
under is the way it should go on
under is the way it should go on [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
how many of you think that it should be
how many of you think that it should be the one on the right
the one on the right
the one on the right [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] I am vindicated I’m vindicated I can’t
I am vindicated I’m vindicated I can’t
I am vindicated I’m vindicated I can’t make a go home and tell my wife she’s
make a go home and tell my wife she’s
make a go home and tell my wife she’s with the first group she doesn’t think
with the first group she doesn’t think
with the first group she doesn’t think it matters so if she happens to put her
it matters so if she happens to put her
it matters so if she happens to put her on that way I actually you know we have
on that way I actually you know we have
on that way I actually you know we have two bathrooms and if she puts them on I
two bathrooms and if she puts them on I
two bathrooms and if she puts them on I go back and I put them the other way
go back and I put them the other way
go back and I put them the other way that’s my problem
that’s my problem
that’s my problem not one thing my wife and I both share
not one thing my wife and I both share
not one thing my wife and I both share is that when we use a stall in a public
is that when we use a stall in a public
is that when we use a stall in a public facility a public toilet and when it’s
facility a public toilet and when it’s
facility a public toilet and when it’s far too late you find this okay how many
far too late you find this okay how many
far too late you find this okay how many have you been in that situation okay
have you been in that situation okay
have you been in that situation okay it’s irritating irritating okay moving
it’s irritating irritating okay moving
it’s irritating irritating okay moving on to a different subject let’s get out
on to a different subject let’s get out
on to a different subject let’s get out of the toilet all right for all of you
of the toilet all right for all of you
of the toilet all right for all of you drivers or would-be drivers this is
drivers or would-be drivers this is
drivers or would-be drivers this is probably one of my biggest irritants pet
probably one of my biggest irritants pet
probably one of my biggest irritants pet peeves on the road and it’s when someone
peeves on the road and it’s when someone
peeves on the road and it’s when someone in the left lane
in the left lane
in the left lane is not doing what this sign tells them
is not doing what this sign tells them
is not doing what this sign tells them it’s another person the right lane is
it’s another person the right lane is
it’s another person the right lane is doing anything wrong as a person left
doing anything wrong as a person left
doing anything wrong as a person left wing they’re not passing they’re just
wing they’re not passing they’re just
wing they’re not passing they’re just about tandem with the car they’re
about tandem with the car they’re
about tandem with the car they’re passing and of course what’s happening
passing and of course what’s happening
passing and of course what’s happening behind that car is that you get two cars
behind that car is that you get two cars
behind that car is that you get two cars and then three cars and then four cars
and then three cars and then four cars
and then three cars and then four cars and five cars and what is everybody
and five cars and what is everybody
and five cars and what is everybody doing to the person in front of them
doing to the person in front of them
doing to the person in front of them blinking their lights all right this is
blinking their lights all right this is
blinking their lights all right this is if this causes accidents so obey the
if this causes accidents so obey the
if this causes accidents so obey the rules of the road a corollary of this
rules of the road a corollary of this
rules of the road a corollary of this especially since I like to walk off
especially since I like to walk off
especially since I like to walk off escalators and not just ride them is
escalators and not just ride them is
escalators and not just ride them is this people taking up both side people
this people taking up both side people
this people taking up both side people taking up both sides of the escalator
taking up both sides of the escalator
taking up both sides of the escalator okay or if it’s not another person they
okay or if it’s not another person they
okay or if it’s not another person they have their suitcase on the side you
have their suitcase on the side you
have their suitcase on the side you can’t get past them back to Otto’s back
can’t get past them back to Otto’s back
can’t get past them back to Otto’s back to Otto’s there we go okay
I can’t tell you how irritating this is
I can’t tell you how irritating this is I’m not sure where this photo comes from
I’m not sure where this photo comes from
I’m not sure where this photo comes from but having lived in California where
but having lived in California where
but having lived in California where there seemed to be a Hummer you know all
there seemed to be a Hummer you know all
there seemed to be a Hummer you know all I think it’s in California also there
I think it’s in California also there
I think it’s in California also there are some trees in the parking lot that’s
are some trees in the parking lot that’s
are some trees in the parking lot that’s probably California okay this is this is
probably California okay this is this is
probably California okay this is this is so egregious first of all this guy and
so egregious first of all this guy and
so egregious first of all this guy and you know it’s a guy is is driving a
you know it’s a guy is is driving a
you know it’s a guy is is driving a Hummer the biggest gas guzzler around
Hummer the biggest gas guzzler around
Hummer the biggest gas guzzler around they should be banned all right but he’s
they should be banned all right but he’s
they should be banned all right but he’s too lazy cuz you know 90 feet over there
too lazy cuz you know 90 feet over there
too lazy cuz you know 90 feet over there is a spot for him to park but he’s too
is a spot for him to park but he’s too
is a spot for him to park but he’s too lazy to walk the extra 90 feet so he he
lazy to walk the extra 90 feet so he he
lazy to walk the extra 90 feet so he he goes around and he goes in the compact
goes around and he goes in the compact
goes around and he goes in the compact lot and takes up two spots okay I can’t
lot and takes up two spots okay I can’t
lot and takes up two spots okay I can’t tell you what I would like to do to the
tell you what I would like to do to the
tell you what I would like to do to the Hummer it would be illegal I wouldn’t do
Hummer it would be illegal I wouldn’t do
Hummer it would be illegal I wouldn’t do it but I would think about it all right
it but I would think about it all right
it but I would think about it all right yeah one of my favorites I really like
yeah one of my favorites I really like
yeah one of my favorites I really like watching people chewing their gum with
watching people chewing their gum with
watching people chewing their gum with their mouths wide open and snapping it
their mouths wide open and snapping it
their mouths wide open and snapping it at the same time the sound is you know
at the same time the sound is you know
at the same time the sound is you know it just goes with the mouth so all of
it just goes with the mouth so all of
it just goes with the mouth so all of you all of you who do this I want you to
you all of you who do this I want you to
you all of you who do this I want you to know that when you do that this is what
know that when you do that this is what
know that when you do that this is what people see
so keep your mouths closed
so keep your mouths closed [Music]
[Music]
[Music] now as a teacher I’m I really care about
now as a teacher I’m I really care about
now as a teacher I’m I really care about grammar I care about punctuation I think
grammar I care about punctuation I think
grammar I care about punctuation I think it’s important to write well
it’s important to write well
it’s important to write well unfortunately increasingly today
unfortunately increasingly today
unfortunately increasingly today especially on commercial signs I’m
especially on commercial signs I’m
especially on commercial signs I’m seeing more and more of this the
seeing more and more of this the
seeing more and more of this the inappropriate use of the apostrophe they
inappropriate use of the apostrophe they
inappropriate use of the apostrophe they can’t tell the difference between
can’t tell the difference between
can’t tell the difference between apostrophe s and the plural s this looks
apostrophe s and the plural s this looks
apostrophe s and the plural s this looks like it’s a blackboard I almost would
like it’s a blackboard I almost would
like it’s a blackboard I almost would want to go up and you’re like erase the
want to go up and you’re like erase the
want to go up and you’re like erase the thing and you know put the sign
thing and you know put the sign
thing and you know put the sign connecting of something now how many of
connecting of something now how many of
connecting of something now how many of you who also this is this site is great
you who also this is this site is great
you who also this is this site is great I mean it bothers me with the
I mean it bothers me with the
I mean it bothers me with the apostrophes there’s something else on
apostrophes there’s something else on
apostrophes there’s something else on this sign it’s really irritating to me
this sign it’s really irritating to me
this sign it’s really irritating to me can anybody see it
are the hearts and it’s a dot that goes
are the hearts and it’s a dot that goes over the I save the hearts for
over the I save the hearts for
over the I save the hearts for Valentine’s Day don’t do that don’t do
Valentine’s Day don’t do that don’t do
Valentine’s Day don’t do that don’t do that we’re getting to the end okay I
that we’re getting to the end okay I
that we’re getting to the end okay I have nothing against Christmas
have nothing against Christmas
have nothing against Christmas decorations don’t wait wait it’s a
decorations don’t wait wait it’s a
decorations don’t wait wait it’s a wonderful pagan tradition okay
wonderful pagan tradition okay
wonderful pagan tradition okay and I have nothing that’s fine people
and I have nothing that’s fine people
and I have nothing that’s fine people want to decorate their houses spend all
want to decorate their houses spend all
want to decorate their houses spend all that money on electricity go for it
that money on electricity go for it
that money on electricity go for it which is beginning to bother me though
which is beginning to bother me though
which is beginning to bother me though about a lot of this is that when I was a
about a lot of this is that when I was a
about a lot of this is that when I was a kid I think we put up a couple of lights
kid I think we put up a couple of lights
kid I think we put up a couple of lights in front of our house and we did that
in front of our house and we did that
in front of our house and we did that about the weekend before Christmas and
about the weekend before Christmas and
about the weekend before Christmas and at the Epiphany you know January 6 7 we
at the Epiphany you know January 6 7 we
at the Epiphany you know January 6 7 we took them down people today the day
took them down people today the day
took them down people today the day after Halloween they’re putting this
after Halloween they’re putting this
after Halloween they’re putting this stuff up and you know that they have
stuff up and you know that they have
stuff up and you know that they have four songs four or five songs Christmas
four songs four or five songs Christmas
four songs four or five songs Christmas kept looping going on
kept looping going on
kept looping going on now you’ve seen it right now so they get
now you’ve seen it right now so they get
now you’ve seen it right now so they get started the day after Halloween and they
started the day after Halloween and they
started the day after Halloween and they don’t take them down till Groundhog’s
don’t take them down till Groundhog’s
don’t take them down till Groundhog’s Day the song is 12 days of Christmas not
Day the song is 12 days of Christmas not
Day the song is 12 days of Christmas not 90 days of Christmas and with that I
90 days of Christmas and with that I
90 days of Christmas and with that I thank you and I hope that one of your
thank you and I hope that one of your
thank you and I hope that one of your pet peeves is not having to listen to an
pet peeves is not having to listen to an
pet peeves is not having to listen to an old man who kids are complaining all the
old man who kids are complaining all the
old man who kids are complaining all the time thank you very much
time thank you very much
time thank you very much [Applause]
”
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