so I want to tell you about my father my father is a quiet consistent loving man
father is a quiet consistent loving man
father is a quiet consistent loving man who’s been teaching for the last forty
who’s been teaching for the last forty
who’s been teaching for the last forty eight years and my mom isn’t sure if
eight years and my mom isn’t sure if
eight years and my mom isn’t sure if he’s ever gonna retire more than any
he’s ever gonna retire more than any
he’s ever gonna retire more than any other person my father led me to
other person my father led me to
other person my father led me to recovery almost 11 years ago i sat
recovery almost 11 years ago i sat
recovery almost 11 years ago i sat across from him at the kitchen table I
across from him at the kitchen table I
across from him at the kitchen table I had burned my life to the ground I had
had burned my life to the ground I had
had burned my life to the ground I had dropped out of school I was arrested on
dropped out of school I was arrested on
dropped out of school I was arrested on felony charges and my hands couldn’t
felony charges and my hands couldn’t
felony charges and my hands couldn’t stop shaking from the alcohol
stop shaking from the alcohol
stop shaking from the alcohol withdrawals my father did something
withdrawals my father did something
withdrawals my father did something amazing he looked at the son he had
amazing he looked at the son he had
amazing he looked at the son he had raised who had tremendous quand heard
raised who had tremendous quand heard
raised who had tremendous quand heard tremendous opportunities who had lied to
tremendous opportunities who had lied to
tremendous opportunities who had lied to him who had stolen from him and he
him who had stolen from him and he
him who had stolen from him and he forgave me he tapped in to his own
forgave me he tapped in to his own
forgave me he tapped in to his own struggles and found a way to convey to
struggles and found a way to convey to
struggles and found a way to convey to his son that he was more than what he
his son that he was more than what he
his son that he was more than what he had done I look at this moment as one of
had done I look at this moment as one of
had done I look at this moment as one of the single most important moments of my
the single most important moments of my
the single most important moments of my life but I also received tremendously
life but I also received tremendously
life but I also received tremendously high-quality care long-term treatment my
high-quality care long-term treatment my
high-quality care long-term treatment my family received family support and I
family received family support and I
family received family support and I returned to a college that had a
returned to a college that had a
returned to a college that had a collegiate recovery program what I
collegiate recovery program what I
collegiate recovery program what I realize now is the deck was thoroughly
realize now is the deck was thoroughly
realize now is the deck was thoroughly stacked in my favor and I know that most
stacked in my favor and I know that most
stacked in my favor and I know that most most people don’t have those
most people don’t have those
most people don’t have those opportunities so that is the question
opportunities so that is the question
opportunities so that is the question that drives me every day is what would
that drives me every day is what would
that drives me every day is what would our society look like if we treated all
our society look like if we treated all
our society look like if we treated all people who use substances with dignity
people who use substances with dignity
people who use substances with dignity and with respect the first car I was
and with respect the first car I was
and with respect the first car I was able to buy in recovery was the 1992
able to buy in recovery was the 1992
able to buy in recovery was the 1992 Dodge Caravan this is something we call
Dodge Caravan this is something we call
Dodge Caravan this is something we call in recovery rooms a meeting maker
in recovery rooms a meeting maker
in recovery rooms a meeting maker you see many of us have problem with
you see many of us have problem with
you see many of us have problem with cars licences payments in my case I
cars licences payments in my case I
cars licences payments in my case I drove into a stream and so for us it’s a
drove into a stream and so for us it’s a
drove into a stream and so for us it’s a really powerful point of pride when
really powerful point of pride when
really powerful point of pride when we’re able to purchase our first vehicle
we’re able to purchase our first vehicle
we’re able to purchase our first vehicle in recovery and these amazing vehicles
in recovery and these amazing vehicles
in recovery and these amazing vehicles take us all sorts of places and they
take us all sorts of places and they
take us all sorts of places and they provide this incredible opportunity to
provide this incredible opportunity to
provide this incredible opportunity to be of service to new people by taking
be of service to new people by taking
be of service to new people by taking them to meetings so is driving in this
them to meetings so is driving in this
them to meetings so is driving in this car for a couple of years and a friend
car for a couple of years and a friend
car for a couple of years and a friend of mine offered to paint it up for me so
of mine offered to paint it up for me so
of mine offered to paint it up for me so it came back looking like this decorated
it came back looking like this decorated
it came back looking like this decorated with logos at the shelter that where I
with logos at the shelter that where I
with logos at the shelter that where I worked I was even more proud of this
worked I was even more proud of this
worked I was even more proud of this vehicle so I was driving the scooby-doo
vehicle so I was driving the scooby-doo
vehicle so I was driving the scooby-doo van through a predominantly black
van through a predominantly black
van through a predominantly black neighborhood to a friend’s birthday
neighborhood to a friend’s birthday
neighborhood to a friend’s birthday party I was speeding and I got pulled
party I was speeding and I got pulled
party I was speeding and I got pulled over I was five years in recovery at the
over I was five years in recovery at the
over I was five years in recovery at the time and I figured they’d just let me
time and I figured they’d just let me
time and I figured they’d just let me off with a warning they asked to search
off with a warning they asked to search
off with a warning they asked to search my car suddenly there were two other
my car suddenly there were two other
my car suddenly there were two other police cars there I consented to the
police cars there I consented to the
police cars there I consented to the search hoping they would let me off they
search hoping they would let me off they
search hoping they would let me off they searched my car thoroughly and then my
searched my car thoroughly and then my
searched my car thoroughly and then my body finding a whole bunch of fast-food
body finding a whole bunch of fast-food
body finding a whole bunch of fast-food wrappers and recovery literature they
wrappers and recovery literature they
wrappers and recovery literature they handed me a ticket and drove off i sat
handed me a ticket and drove off i sat
handed me a ticket and drove off i sat in my vehicle and I cried the experience
in my vehicle and I cried the experience
in my vehicle and I cried the experience had been crushing and humiliating
when was society going to forgive me did
when was society going to forgive me did they pull me over because they had
they pull me over because they had
they pull me over because they had pulled up my record did they search my
pulled up my record did they search my
pulled up my record did they search my vehicle because of what I had done in my
vehicle because of what I had done in my
vehicle because of what I had done in my past and even so should anyone be
past and even so should anyone be
past and even so should anyone be treated that way
what the experience made real for me is
what the experience made real for me is something that’s happening in
something that’s happening in
something that’s happening in communities of color in our country on a
communities of color in our country on a
communities of color in our country on a daily basis it so happened to be a rare
daily basis it so happened to be a rare
daily basis it so happened to be a rare reversal of what was going on but it
reversal of what was going on but it
reversal of what was going on but it brought that home for me and I had read
brought that home for me and I had read
brought that home for me and I had read the new Jim Crow which makes the
the new Jim Crow which makes the
the new Jim Crow which makes the convincing case that the war on drugs is
convincing case that the war on drugs is
convincing case that the war on drugs is just the latest chapter in a long
just the latest chapter in a long
just the latest chapter in a long history of racial oppression in our
history of racial oppression in our
history of racial oppression in our country I started reading more and more
country I started reading more and more
country I started reading more and more about the war on drugs and what I found
about the war on drugs and what I found
about the war on drugs and what I found was that people of color were more
was that people of color were more
was that people of color were more likely to be pulled over more likely to
likely to be pulled over more likely to
likely to be pulled over more likely to be searched when pulled over more likely
be searched when pulled over more likely
be searched when pulled over more likely to be arrested when searched more likely
to be arrested when searched more likely
to be arrested when searched more likely to be convicted when arrested more
to be convicted when arrested more
to be convicted when arrested more likely to be sentenced to longer periods
likely to be sentenced to longer periods
likely to be sentenced to longer periods of time and have fewer opportunities for
of time and have fewer opportunities for
of time and have fewer opportunities for probation and parole over time we became
probation and parole over time we became
probation and parole over time we became the greatest incarcerate er in the world
the greatest incarcerate er in the world
the greatest incarcerate er in the world how did we get here
how did we get here
how did we get here I came to the conclusion that we as
I came to the conclusion that we as
I came to the conclusion that we as human beings look for ways to escape in
human beings look for ways to escape in
human beings look for ways to escape in this case the escape is to blame someone
this case the escape is to blame someone
this case the escape is to blame someone else we think drug use is an inner-city
else we think drug use is an inner-city
else we think drug use is an inner-city problem though it never was and it isn’t
problem though it never was and it isn’t
problem though it never was and it isn’t now we think these things don’t happen
now we think these things don’t happen
now we think these things don’t happen in our neighborhoods not to good
in our neighborhoods not to good
in our neighborhoods not to good families and when they do we create
families and when they do we create
families and when they do we create sufficient shame and stigma that they
sufficient shame and stigma that they
sufficient shame and stigma that they are swept under the rug
our desire to escape and to blame others
our desire to escape and to blame others has led us to some simplistic and
has led us to some simplistic and
has led us to some simplistic and unrealistic solutions that if we can
unrealistic solutions that if we can
unrealistic solutions that if we can simply eliminate the substance we can
simply eliminate the substance we can
simply eliminate the substance we can eliminate the problem what we have done
eliminate the problem what we have done
eliminate the problem what we have done is made drug use and drug taking a moral
is made drug use and drug taking a moral
is made drug use and drug taking a moral issue rather than a health issue and we
issue rather than a health issue and we
issue rather than a health issue and we have eroded four decades of scientific
have eroded four decades of scientific
have eroded four decades of scientific research that demonstrate clearly that
research that demonstrate clearly that
research that demonstrate clearly that addiction is a chronic brain disease
certainly many of us are guilty of that
certainly many of us are guilty of that as a professional and as a person and
as a professional and as a person and
as a professional and as a person and recovery working in the field I’m often
recovery working in the field I’m often
recovery working in the field I’m often guilty of thinking that there is a
guilty of thinking that there is a
guilty of thinking that there is a one-size-fits-all model for how we solve
one-size-fits-all model for how we solve
one-size-fits-all model for how we solve substance use problems when people come
substance use problems when people come
substance use problems when people come in and they follow our directions they
in and they follow our directions they
in and they follow our directions they go to meetings they go to therapy their
go to meetings they go to therapy their
go to meetings they go to therapy their of service they don’t use drugs they do
of service they don’t use drugs they do
of service they don’t use drugs they do very well when they don’t they come back
very well when they don’t they come back
very well when they don’t they come back and they reinforce our superiority
there’s been nothing more humbling for
there’s been nothing more humbling for me than the last six years of working
me than the last six years of working
me than the last six years of working with families in our family education
with families in our family education
with families in our family education program I’ve come to believe that it is
program I’ve come to believe that it is
program I’ve come to believe that it is irresponsible for us to label families
irresponsible for us to label families
irresponsible for us to label families as in a blurs or codependence after
as in a blurs or codependence after
as in a blurs or codependence after short conversations with them and barely
short conversations with them and barely
short conversations with them and barely hearing their stories I found these
hearing their stories I found these
hearing their stories I found these terms to be retro Mathai zhing and
terms to be retro Mathai zhing and
terms to be retro Mathai zhing and unhelpful what we have is amazing strong
unhelpful what we have is amazing strong
unhelpful what we have is amazing strong resilient families that attend our
resilient families that attend our
resilient families that attend our family education program they dogged lis
family education program they dogged lis
family education program they dogged lis pursue the best options available for
pursue the best options available for
pursue the best options available for their loved ones care and it is humbling
their loved ones care and it is humbling
their loved ones care and it is humbling to watch as some families do all the
to watch as some families do all the
to watch as some families do all the right things and execute well
right things and execute well
right things and execute well and interact with their loved ones in
and interact with their loved ones in
and interact with their loved ones in loving and caring ways and yet still
loving and caring ways and yet still
loving and caring ways and yet still have tragic results and I have seen
have tragic results and I have seen
have tragic results and I have seen other families do all the wrong things
other families do all the wrong things
other families do all the wrong things and have wonderful results so I’ve come
and have wonderful results so I’ve come
and have wonderful results so I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m comfortable
to the conclusion that I’m comfortable
to the conclusion that I’m comfortable saying two things to all of our families
saying two things to all of our families
saying two things to all of our families one of them is that your loved one is
one of them is that your loved one is
one of them is that your loved one is very lucky to have you involved in their
very lucky to have you involved in their
very lucky to have you involved in their care and the second is that it’s never a
care and the second is that it’s never a
care and the second is that it’s never a bad thing to tell your loved one that
bad thing to tell your loved one that
bad thing to tell your loved one that you love them these two truths putting
you love them these two truths putting
you love them these two truths putting from love first and trying to take more
from love first and trying to take more
from love first and trying to take more than our share of responsibility will
than our share of responsibility will
than our share of responsibility will take us far one of the first things I
take us far one of the first things I
take us far one of the first things I did when I came to VCU was to do the
did when I came to VCU was to do the
did when I came to VCU was to do the safe zone training which is our training
safe zone training which is our training
safe zone training which is our training for how we create a community that is
for how we create a community that is
for how we create a community that is more inclusive for our LGBTQ friends
more inclusive for our LGBTQ friends
more inclusive for our LGBTQ friends what I realized was the substantial
what I realized was the substantial
what I realized was the substantial parallels between the LGBTQ identity and
parallels between the LGBTQ identity and
parallels between the LGBTQ identity and my own recovery identity as I was
my own recovery identity as I was
my own recovery identity as I was becoming more and more successful in my
becoming more and more successful in my
becoming more and more successful in my career there was more motivation for me
career there was more motivation for me
career there was more motivation for me to hide my past to hide my recovery now
to hide my past to hide my recovery now
to hide my past to hide my recovery now that I was a faculty member at a
that I was a faculty member at a
that I was a faculty member at a university I could really pass but I
university I could really pass but I
university I could really pass but I also realized that by passing I would be
also realized that by passing I would be
also realized that by passing I would be sending the message to my students that
sending the message to my students that
sending the message to my students that their recovery was something to be
their recovery was something to be
their recovery was something to be hidden and not celebrated that couldn’t
hidden and not celebrated that couldn’t
hidden and not celebrated that couldn’t be farther from the truth
what they have taught me are LGBTQ
what they have taught me are LGBTQ friends is that my job is not to create
friends is that my job is not to create
friends is that my job is not to create a small Haven with a within a larger
a small Haven with a within a larger
a small Haven with a within a larger recovery hostile environment but to
recovery hostile environment but to
recovery hostile environment but to create a recovery ready campus a campus
create a recovery ready campus a campus
create a recovery ready campus a campus that embraces students in recovery that
that embraces students in recovery that
that embraces students in recovery that looks for opportunities to to identify
looks for opportunities to to identify
looks for opportunities to to identify problems with substance use what I love
problems with substance use what I love
problems with substance use what I love about working on a college campus is
about working on a college campus is
about working on a college campus is that we have very little leverage it is
that we have very little leverage it is
that we have very little leverage it is against our best interest to create
against our best interest to create
against our best interest to create punishments that go beyond the natural
punishments that go beyond the natural
punishments that go beyond the natural consequences of use instead it is our
consequences of use instead it is our
consequences of use instead it is our role to help people tap in to their
role to help people tap in to their
role to help people tap in to their inner motivation to make recovery an
inner motivation to make recovery an
inner motivation to make recovery an attractive option and to create allies
attractive option and to create allies
attractive option and to create allies everywhere who help students engage in
everywhere who help students engage in
everywhere who help students engage in supports who make it a comfortable place
supports who make it a comfortable place
supports who make it a comfortable place to be a student in recovery what I
to be a student in recovery what I
to be a student in recovery what I believe is that if we can do this on a
believe is that if we can do this on a
believe is that if we can do this on a college campus then we can do this in
college campus then we can do this in
college campus then we can do this in our larger community we can do it in our
our larger community we can do it in our
our larger community we can do it in our state we can do it in our country and we
state we can do it in our country and we
state we can do it in our country and we can do it in our world there’s a great
can do it in our world there’s a great
can do it in our world there’s a great analogy that makes this so clear to me
analogy that makes this so clear to me
analogy that makes this so clear to me if we take a dime tree in a forest and
if we take a dime tree in a forest and
if we take a dime tree in a forest and we pull it out of that forest and we
we pull it out of that forest and we
we pull it out of that forest and we water it and we fertilize it and we give
water it and we fertilize it and we give
water it and we fertilize it and we give it life and it blossoms and it
it life and it blossoms and it
it life and it blossoms and it flourishes and it grows and then we take
flourishes and it grows and then we take
flourishes and it grows and then we take that same tree and put it back in that
that same tree and put it back in that
that same tree and put it back in that same forest should we be surprised when
same forest should we be surprised when
same forest should we be surprised when it withers and dies and do we blame that
it withers and dies and do we blame that
it withers and dies and do we blame that tree for its failure what we need is not
tree for its failure what we need is not
tree for its failure what we need is not just individual recovery from substance
just individual recovery from substance
just individual recovery from substance use and not just family recovery we need
use and not just family recovery we need
use and not just family recovery we need societal recovery
to this day father bill from the Caron
to this day father bill from the Caron foundation gives the best definition of
foundation gives the best definition of
foundation gives the best definition of addiction that I’ve ever heard he says
addiction that I’ve ever heard he says
addiction that I’ve ever heard he says that addiction robs us of the capacity
that addiction robs us of the capacity
that addiction robs us of the capacity to have intimate lasting relationships
to have intimate lasting relationships
to have intimate lasting relationships with ourselves with other human beings
with ourselves with other human beings
with ourselves with other human beings and with any sort of higher purpose
and with any sort of higher purpose
and with any sort of higher purpose till the only relationship we have left
till the only relationship we have left
till the only relationship we have left in our lives is with the substance
in our lives is with the substance
in our lives is with the substance itself addiction has done well at
itself addiction has done well at
itself addiction has done well at tearing us apart
tearing us apart
tearing us apart it hurts families it crushes communities
but we must move forward motivated by
but we must move forward motivated by love and empathy and not by fear and
love and empathy and not by fear and
love and empathy and not by fear and blame recovery is about reconnecting to
blame recovery is about reconnecting to
blame recovery is about reconnecting to other human beings in the end addiction
other human beings in the end addiction
other human beings in the end addiction forces us to decide what kind of society
forces us to decide what kind of society
forces us to decide what kind of society do we want to be will we be a society
do we want to be will we be a society
do we want to be will we be a society that blames that punishes that focus is
that blames that punishes that focus is
that blames that punishes that focus is on the politics of fear or do we want to
on the politics of fear or do we want to
on the politics of fear or do we want to be a society that loves that forgives
be a society that loves that forgives
be a society that loves that forgives and that heals thank you very much
”
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