so my mom was the kindest most loving and generous woman she literally had
and generous woman she literally had
and generous woman she literally had this laugh that could fill the room now
this laugh that could fill the room now
this laugh that could fill the room now as a teenager I wanted to disown her and
as a teenager I wanted to disown her and
as a teenager I wanted to disown her and her laugh but I would do anything to
her laugh but I would do anything to
her laugh but I would do anything to hear it now my mom had the most amazing
hear it now my mom had the most amazing
hear it now my mom had the most amazing capacity for joy but even as a child I
capacity for joy but even as a child I
capacity for joy but even as a child I could feel that she carried around a lot
could feel that she carried around a lot
could feel that she carried around a lot of pain
of pain
of pain you see she grew up in a very critical
you see she grew up in a very critical
you see she grew up in a very critical household with two alcoholic parents you
household with two alcoholic parents you
household with two alcoholic parents you have to imagine she lived in the
have to imagine she lived in the
have to imagine she lived in the southern belle part of the u.s. so
southern belle part of the u.s. so
southern belle part of the u.s. so status and appearance was really
status and appearance was really
status and appearance was really important when she was 20 she was
important when she was 20 she was
important when she was 20 she was engaged to be married and she got
engaged to be married and she got
engaged to be married and she got pregnant right before the wedding and
pregnant right before the wedding and
pregnant right before the wedding and instead of allowing the marriage to go
instead of allowing the marriage to go
instead of allowing the marriage to go through they split up the couple they
through they split up the couple they
through they split up the couple they ship my mom across the country to have a
ship my mom across the country to have a
ship my mom across the country to have a baby on her own and give it up for
baby on her own and give it up for
baby on her own and give it up for adoption her siblings didn’t even know
adoption her siblings didn’t even know
adoption her siblings didn’t even know this had happened eventually my mom
this had happened eventually my mom
this had happened eventually my mom married my dad and he left her not once
married my dad and he left her not once
married my dad and he left her not once but twice and she was forced to raise
but twice and she was forced to raise
but twice and she was forced to raise two kids on her own when I was in high
two kids on her own when I was in high
two kids on her own when I was in high school my mom made a horrible mistake at
school my mom made a horrible mistake at
school my mom made a horrible mistake at work and very abruptly she ended up in
work and very abruptly she ended up in
work and very abruptly she ended up in jail for four months which turned our
jail for four months which turned our
jail for four months which turned our whole family upside down and probably
whole family upside down and probably
whole family upside down and probably the most challenging experience my mom
the most challenging experience my mom
the most challenging experience my mom had was she met a man that promised her
had was she met a man that promised her
had was she met a man that promised her the world and she ended up getting lost
the world and she ended up getting lost
the world and she ended up getting lost in Pakistan for more than two years
in Pakistan for more than two years
in Pakistan for more than two years during that time we didn’t know if she
during that time we didn’t know if she
during that time we didn’t know if she was alive or dead and she suffered a
was alive or dead and she suffered a
was alive or dead and she suffered a tremendous amount of abuse and barely
tremendous amount of abuse and barely
tremendous amount of abuse and barely made it out of the country alive these
made it out of the country alive these
made it out of the country alive these experiences were an important part of my
experiences were an important part of my
experiences were an important part of my mom’s story
instead of seeing them as a testament to
instead of seeing them as a testament to her strength she saw them as a source of
her strength she saw them as a source of
her strength she saw them as a source of shame she looked at these experiences as
shame she looked at these experiences as
shame she looked at these experiences as a series of failures and because of that
a series of failures and because of that
a series of failures and because of that she stopped trusting herself and she
she stopped trusting herself and she
she stopped trusting herself and she spent a lot of her time giving her power
spent a lot of her time giving her power
spent a lot of her time giving her power over to others now the way that my mom
over to others now the way that my mom
over to others now the way that my mom saw herself is not the way that I saw
saw herself is not the way that I saw
saw herself is not the way that I saw her I saw her as a fierce survivor i
her I saw her as a fierce survivor i
her I saw her as a fierce survivor i internalized her strength and i knew
internalized her strength and i knew
internalized her strength and i knew that i could overcome and survive
that i could overcome and survive
that i could overcome and survive anything and I did I survived my parents
anything and I did I survived my parents
anything and I did I survived my parents divorce at seven and being one of the
divorce at seven and being one of the
divorce at seven and being one of the primary caregivers for my sister at the
primary caregivers for my sister at the
primary caregivers for my sister at the age of nine I survived being raped by
age of nine I survived being raped by
age of nine I survived being raped by one of my best friends at the age of 15
one of my best friends at the age of 15
one of my best friends at the age of 15 I survived a high school full of guns
I survived a high school full of guns
I survived a high school full of guns and drugs and violence I survived my
and drugs and violence I survived my
and drugs and violence I survived my idiot teenage years which seriously was
idiot teenage years which seriously was
idiot teenage years which seriously was a miracle in and of itself I survived my
a miracle in and of itself I survived my
a miracle in and of itself I survived my hurt my first husband’s drug addiction
hurt my first husband’s drug addiction
hurt my first husband’s drug addiction and literally lost everything and
and literally lost everything and
and literally lost everything and because of that I overcame bankruptcy
because of that I overcame bankruptcy
because of that I overcame bankruptcy divorce and the failure of my first
divorce and the failure of my first
divorce and the failure of my first business and probably one of the
business and probably one of the
business and probably one of the greatest things I overcame was being a
greatest things I overcame was being a
greatest things I overcame was being a single parent and running two businesses
single parent and running two businesses
single parent and running two businesses at the same time you see unlike my mom I
at the same time you see unlike my mom I
at the same time you see unlike my mom I never saw these experiences as a source
never saw these experiences as a source
never saw these experiences as a source of shame I saw them as a source of power
of shame I saw them as a source of power
of shame I saw them as a source of power I learned to trust myself more not less
I learned to trust myself more not less
I learned to trust myself more not less because I’m the one that had gotten
because I’m the one that had gotten
because I’m the one that had gotten through them and what I discovered is
through them and what I discovered is
through them and what I discovered is that real empowerment is choosing to
that real empowerment is choosing to
that real empowerment is choosing to believe and trust in ourselves it’s
believe and trust in ourselves it’s
believe and trust in ourselves it’s knowing that we are the only ones that
knowing that we are the only ones that
knowing that we are the only ones that have the power to change our fate so I’m
have the power to change our fate so I’m
have the power to change our fate so I’m a success strategist for women in
a success strategist for women in
a success strategist for women in business and for the last two decades
business and for the last two decades
business and for the last two decades I’ve been using the business
I’ve been using the business
I’ve been using the business rina to help women empower themselves
rina to help women empower themselves
rina to help women empower themselves and to change their fate I’ve worked
and to change their fate I’ve worked
and to change their fate I’ve worked with thousands of women over that time
with thousands of women over that time
with thousands of women over that time and what I’ve learned is that whether in
and what I’ve learned is that whether in
and what I’ve learned is that whether in the business or life arena the biggest
the business or life arena the biggest
the business or life arena the biggest opponent we as women face is ourselves
so I won’t share with you thousands of
so I won’t share with you thousands of stories tonight because we would be here
stories tonight because we would be here
stories tonight because we would be here literally all night I just really want
literally all night I just really want
literally all night I just really want to share with you one one of my bravest
to share with you one one of my bravest
to share with you one one of my bravest and most courageous clients when I met
and most courageous clients when I met
and most courageous clients when I met Sara she was 32 years old she was a
Sara she was 32 years old she was a
Sara she was 32 years old she was a consultant and a speaker and she’d been
consultant and a speaker and she’d been
consultant and a speaker and she’d been in business for about six years and she
in business for about six years and she
in business for about six years and she just really felt like she was running in
just really felt like she was running in
just really felt like she was running in place she kept putting more and more
place she kept putting more and more
place she kept putting more and more energy into her business but she wasn’t
energy into her business but she wasn’t
energy into her business but she wasn’t getting any farther she tried all the
getting any farther she tried all the
getting any farther she tried all the hype you know hashtag living the dream
hype you know hashtag living the dream
hype you know hashtag living the dream she bought the online programs that
she bought the online programs that
she bought the online programs that promised freedom she’d hire the
promised freedom she’d hire the
promised freedom she’d hire the expensive mentors
expensive mentors
expensive mentors she tried all the latest greatest
she tried all the latest greatest
she tried all the latest greatest marketing techniques
marketing techniques
marketing techniques she tried passive income and
she tried passive income and
she tried passive income and partnerships she’d even hired an entire
partnerships she’d even hired an entire
partnerships she’d even hired an entire team to help her scale her business but
team to help her scale her business but
team to help her scale her business but instead of feeling like she was living
instead of feeling like she was living
instead of feeling like she was living the dream she really just felt like she
the dream she really just felt like she
the dream she really just felt like she was trapped in a nightmare she was
was trapped in a nightmare she was
was trapped in a nightmare she was constantly anxious overworked and
constantly anxious overworked and
constantly anxious overworked and exhausted her friends and family were
exhausted her friends and family were
exhausted her friends and family were fed up because she was always working
fed up because she was always working
fed up because she was always working nights and weekends
nights and weekends
nights and weekends she felt like she was being crushed
she felt like she was being crushed
she felt like she was being crushed under a weight of debt and she really
under a weight of debt and she really
under a weight of debt and she really just fell out of control so this is when
just fell out of control so this is when
just fell out of control so this is when she met me and at the time she didn’t
she met me and at the time she didn’t
she met me and at the time she didn’t know it but she was about to get a lot
know it but she was about to get a lot
know it but she was about to get a lot more than she bargained for in a
more than she bargained for in a
more than she bargained for in a business coach you see I can look at
business coach you see I can look at
business coach you see I can look at someone’s business and I can tell you
someone’s business and I can tell you
someone’s business and I can tell you what they’re struggling with in
what they’re struggling with in
what they’re struggling with in themselves it’s actually why I love
themselves it’s actually why I love
themselves it’s actually why I love working with women in business because a
working with women in business because a
working with women in business because a business reflects to us where we give up
business reflects to us where we give up
business reflects to us where we give up our power where we struggle with our
our power where we struggle with our
our power where we struggle with our value and where we distrust ourselves
so Sara and I started digging into her
so Sara and I started digging into her business because I wanted to understand
business because I wanted to understand
business because I wanted to understand you know how she was operating it what
you know how she was operating it what
you know how she was operating it what was working and not working and where
was working and not working and where
was working and not working and where she was losing income and impact and we
she was losing income and impact and we
she was losing income and impact and we discovered some really interesting
discovered some really interesting
discovered some really interesting patterns Sara would make a decision her
patterns Sara would make a decision her
patterns Sara would make a decision her business big or small and almost
business big or small and almost
business big or small and almost immediately doubt herself and then she
immediately doubt herself and then she
immediately doubt herself and then she let someone else make the decision for
let someone else make the decision for
let someone else make the decision for her she struggled with setting
her she struggled with setting
her she struggled with setting boundaries so her clients and employees
boundaries so her clients and employees
boundaries so her clients and employees were walking all over her and she
were walking all over her and she
were walking all over her and she constantly compared herself to others
constantly compared herself to others
constantly compared herself to others and to the media hype and felt like she
and to the media hype and felt like she
and to the media hype and felt like she was never accomplishing enough I mean
was never accomplishing enough I mean
was never accomplishing enough I mean she’d been in business six years and she
she’d been in business six years and she
she’d been in business six years and she wasn’t making six figures she wasn’t
wasn’t making six figures she wasn’t
wasn’t making six figures she wasn’t sitting on the beach with passive income
sitting on the beach with passive income
sitting on the beach with passive income and she certainly didn’t feel free so
and she certainly didn’t feel free so
and she certainly didn’t feel free so together sara and i piece by piece took
together sara and i piece by piece took
together sara and i piece by piece took back the reins of her business in life
back the reins of her business in life
back the reins of her business in life she had to change the way she saw
she had to change the way she saw
she had to change the way she saw herself and her business she had to take
herself and her business she had to take
herself and her business she had to take back leadership from her clients and
back leadership from her clients and
back leadership from her clients and employees and that’s no easy task she
employees and that’s no easy task she
employees and that’s no easy task she had to take back control of her time but
had to take back control of her time but
had to take back control of her time but probably what we spent the most time on
probably what we spent the most time on
probably what we spent the most time on was working with her learning to trust
was working with her learning to trust
was working with her learning to trust and believe in herself again you see
and believe in herself again you see
and believe in herself again you see Sara needed to know that her decisions
Sara needed to know that her decisions
Sara needed to know that her decisions her wisdom and her guidance were
her wisdom and her guidance were
her wisdom and her guidance were ultimately the only ones that matter not
ultimately the only ones that matter not
ultimately the only ones that matter not mine not some other expert and
mine not some other expert and
mine not some other expert and definitely not some secret to success
definitely not some secret to success
definitely not some secret to success she hadn’t figured out yet she needed to
she hadn’t figured out yet she needed to
she hadn’t figured out yet she needed to know what it felt like to stand in her
know what it felt like to stand in her
know what it felt like to stand in her power she needed to know that she was
power she needed to know that she was
power she needed to know that she was the one that had to determine her fate
so as you can imagine this was not an
so as you can imagine this was not an overnight process and oftentimes it was
overnight process and oftentimes it was
overnight process and oftentimes it was one step forward and two steps back and
one step forward and two steps back and
one step forward and two steps back and sometimes Sara was seduced by the idea
sometimes Sara was seduced by the idea
sometimes Sara was seduced by the idea of a quick win and she would try to
of a quick win and she would try to
of a quick win and she would try to shortcut the process
but instead of getting farther along it
but instead of getting farther along it actually veered her completely off track
actually veered her completely off track
actually veered her completely off track because see Sarah needed to build skills
because see Sarah needed to build skills
because see Sarah needed to build skills and skill building takes time and the
and skill building takes time and the
and skill building takes time and the most important skill that Sarah needed
most important skill that Sarah needed
most important skill that Sarah needed to build was learning to believe and
to build was learning to believe and
to build was learning to believe and trust in herself again so one of the
trust in herself again so one of the
trust in herself again so one of the battles that Sarah and I often
battles that Sarah and I often
battles that Sarah and I often encountered was around all the social
encountered was around all the social
encountered was around all the social media hype and marketing messages is
media hype and marketing messages is
media hype and marketing messages is about how easy it is to succeed in
about how easy it is to succeed in
about how easy it is to succeed in business how easy it is to find freedom
business how easy it is to find freedom
business how easy it is to find freedom you know hashtag living the dream
you know hashtag living the dream
you know hashtag living the dream hashtag empowerment hashtag 10k in ten
hashtag empowerment hashtag 10k in ten
hashtag empowerment hashtag 10k in ten days these social media messages and
days these social media messages and
days these social media messages and marketing they sabotage women’s success
marketing they sabotage women’s success
marketing they sabotage women’s success they reinforce for Sarah that she was a
they reinforce for Sarah that she was a
they reinforce for Sarah that she was a failure because she tried it all and
failure because she tried it all and
failure because she tried it all and still hadn’t succeeded they distracted
still hadn’t succeeded they distracted
still hadn’t succeeded they distracted her from the real work which is the
her from the real work which is the
her from the real work which is the internal work and that’s the hard work
internal work and that’s the hard work
internal work and that’s the hard work and they constantly had her putting her
and they constantly had her putting her
and they constantly had her putting her hope and belief in something outside
hope and belief in something outside
hope and belief in something outside herself
so eventually Sarah she stopped
so eventually Sarah she stopped listening to the hype and she stopped
listening to the hype and she stopped
listening to the hype and she stopped going for quick wins and yes her
going for quick wins and yes her
going for quick wins and yes her business radically transformed but when
business radically transformed but when
business radically transformed but when she talks about her work with me she
she talks about her work with me she
she talks about her work with me she doesn’t talk about her business she
doesn’t talk about her business she
doesn’t talk about her business she talks about her freedom she talks about
talks about her freedom she talks about
talks about her freedom she talks about how empowered she feels in her life
how empowered she feels in her life
how empowered she feels in her life her relationships and yes her business
her relationships and yes her business
her relationships and yes her business too she talks about how much she loves
too she talks about how much she loves
too she talks about how much she loves her life in her work now and she talks
her life in her work now and she talks
her life in her work now and she talks about how finally she believes and
about how finally she believes and
about how finally she believes and trusts in herself
trusts in herself
trusts in herself you see that is the greatest part to
you see that is the greatest part to
you see that is the greatest part to sarah’s success story I’ve been in the
sarah’s success story I’ve been in the
sarah’s success story I’ve been in the trenches with women for a long time and
trenches with women for a long time and
trenches with women for a long time and Sarah and my mom stories are just two of
Sarah and my mom stories are just two of
Sarah and my mom stories are just two of thousands I’ve had the honor to be a
thousands I’ve had the honor to be a
thousands I’ve had the honor to be a part of I’m an advocate
part of I’m an advocate
part of I’m an advocate for shifting the systems and the
for shifting the systems and the
for shifting the systems and the attitudes in the world that are
attitudes in the world that are
attitudes in the world that are disempowering women but what we first
disempowering women but what we first
disempowering women but what we first have to address is what we are doing to
have to address is what we are doing to
have to address is what we are doing to ourselves when we distrust ourselves we
ourselves when we distrust ourselves we
ourselves when we distrust ourselves we dis empower ourselves when we look at
dis empower ourselves when we look at
dis empower ourselves when we look at our struggles and failures as weakness
our struggles and failures as weakness
our struggles and failures as weakness we deny our strength when we try to
we deny our strength when we try to
we deny our strength when we try to shortcut the path to empowerment we lose
shortcut the path to empowerment we lose
shortcut the path to empowerment we lose the skills that guarantee our success
the skills that guarantee our success
the skills that guarantee our success and when we put our hope in false
and when we put our hope in false
and when we put our hope in false messages of success and we compare
messages of success and we compare
messages of success and we compare ourselves to others we deny our greatest
ourselves to others we deny our greatest
ourselves to others we deny our greatest potential you see I believe it’s time
potential you see I believe it’s time
potential you see I believe it’s time for us to change our fate we have to be
for us to change our fate we have to be
for us to change our fate we have to be willing to move beyond hashtag
willing to move beyond hashtag
willing to move beyond hashtag empowerment and the surface ideas of
empowerment and the surface ideas of
empowerment and the surface ideas of living the dream and go deeper the best
living the dream and go deeper the best
living the dream and go deeper the best way to continue the fight for women’s
way to continue the fight for women’s
way to continue the fight for women’s empowerment in the world is to empower
empowerment in the world is to empower
empowerment in the world is to empower ourselves first thank you
ourselves first thank you
ourselves first thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
Be First to Comment