the idea that anything is possible is supposed to fill you all with hope and
supposed to fill you all with hope and
supposed to fill you all with hope and excitement it’s supposed to make you
excitement it’s supposed to make you
excitement it’s supposed to make you believe that if you set your mind to a
believe that if you set your mind to a
believe that if you set your mind to a task you can do it and while I do agree
task you can do it and while I do agree
task you can do it and while I do agree with that in many senses hearing that
with that in many senses hearing that
with that in many senses hearing that anything is possible when you’re
anything is possible when you’re
anything is possible when you’re depressed is one of the worst things
depressed is one of the worst things
depressed is one of the worst things imaginable why because when you’re
imaginable why because when you’re
imaginable why because when you’re depressed nothing feels possible when I
depressed nothing feels possible when I
depressed nothing feels possible when I first began to struggle with my
first began to struggle with my
first began to struggle with my depression I confided in my family and I
depression I confided in my family and I
depression I confided in my family and I asked for help but was determined that
asked for help but was determined that
asked for help but was determined that no one else would know I even tried to
no one else would know I even tried to
no one else would know I even tried to convince myself that I was just going
convince myself that I was just going
convince myself that I was just going through a weird hormone phase that would
through a weird hormone phase that would
through a weird hormone phase that would pass the time because what I really
pass the time because what I really
pass the time because what I really wanted to do was fit in and let’s face
wanted to do was fit in and let’s face
wanted to do was fit in and let’s face it in your middle school years who
it in your middle school years who
it in your middle school years who doesn’t
doesn’t
doesn’t so to hide my real self
so to hide my real self
so to hide my real self I created this happy persona that was
I created this happy persona that was
I created this happy persona that was full of energy and smiles and it didn’t
full of energy and smiles and it didn’t
full of energy and smiles and it didn’t feel like me but I hoped it would trick
feel like me but I hoped it would trick
feel like me but I hoped it would trick everyone else around me unfortunately
everyone else around me unfortunately
everyone else around me unfortunately this did more harm than good because
this did more harm than good because
this did more harm than good because this illusion of fitting in only ended
this illusion of fitting in only ended
this illusion of fitting in only ended up creating a barrier between me and
up creating a barrier between me and
up creating a barrier between me and others I would never tell people what
others I would never tell people what
others I would never tell people what made me upset or uncomfortable and I
made me upset or uncomfortable and I
made me upset or uncomfortable and I would hide all of the hardships I was
would hide all of the hardships I was
would hide all of the hardships I was facing effectively creating an emotional
facing effectively creating an emotional
facing effectively creating an emotional barrier between me and others in a
barrier between me and others in a
barrier between me and others in a somewhat twisted way though this
somewhat twisted way though this
somewhat twisted way though this actually made me feel safer because it
actually made me feel safer because it
actually made me feel safer because it meant that people weren’t seeing the
meant that people weren’t seeing the
meant that people weren’t seeing the real me I would look back at photos of
real me I would look back at photos of
real me I would look back at photos of myself at the time and see my arms
myself at the time and see my arms
myself at the time and see my arms wrapped around friends and a big grin
wrapped around friends and a big grin
wrapped around friends and a big grin plastered on my face but if I would look
plastered on my face but if I would look
plastered on my face but if I would look closer at my eyes there was no way I
closer at my eyes there was no way I
closer at my eyes there was no way I could deny the sadness that was behind
could deny the sadness that was behind
could deny the sadness that was behind them and I tried to cover it up I would
them and I tried to cover it up I would
them and I tried to cover it up I would look back through my Instagram photos
look back through my Instagram photos
look back through my Instagram photos and
and
and I was obsessed with Instagram at the
I was obsessed with Instagram at the
I was obsessed with Instagram at the time and I would try to convince myself
time and I would try to convince myself
time and I would try to convince myself that I really was happy it was so easy
that I really was happy it was so easy
that I really was happy it was so easy to have photos of me and my friends and
to have photos of me and my friends and
to have photos of me and my friends and to create that illusion of the perfect
to create that illusion of the perfect
to create that illusion of the perfect life but it was a lie and it was taxing
life but it was a lie and it was taxing
life but it was a lie and it was taxing I would return home each day with little
I would return home each day with little
I would return home each day with little to no energy oftentimes just laying like
to no energy oftentimes just laying like
to no energy oftentimes just laying like laying down and staying still in bed for
laying down and staying still in bed for
laying down and staying still in bed for hours it was at this point that my
hours it was at this point that my
hours it was at this point that my family grew really worried and when my
family grew really worried and when my
family grew really worried and when my mom brought up the idea of therapy I
mom brought up the idea of therapy I
mom brought up the idea of therapy I couldn’t say no part of me
couldn’t say no part of me
couldn’t say no part of me subconsciously knew that what was going
subconsciously knew that what was going
subconsciously knew that what was going on was more than some crazy hormone
on was more than some crazy hormone
on was more than some crazy hormone phase and another part of me just needed
phase and another part of me just needed
phase and another part of me just needed help regardless of why I said yes I
help regardless of why I said yes I
help regardless of why I said yes I still went into my first session with my
still went into my first session with my
still went into my first session with my happy persona on in fact I was very
happy persona on in fact I was very
happy persona on in fact I was very hesitant to reveal my true self for my
hesitant to reveal my true self for my
hesitant to reveal my true self for my first few sessions but after the first
first few sessions but after the first
first few sessions but after the first month or so I started to crack and
month or so I started to crack and
month or so I started to crack and eventually I found that I was more
eventually I found that I was more
eventually I found that I was more confident and more willing to express
confident and more willing to express
confident and more willing to express myself I publicly went face to face with
myself I publicly went face to face with
myself I publicly went face to face with my shame during Mental Health Awareness
my shame during Mental Health Awareness
my shame during Mental Health Awareness Week two years ago I was feeling more
Week two years ago I was feeling more
Week two years ago I was feeling more confident and I decided I was ready to
confident and I decided I was ready to
confident and I decided I was ready to be open with people regardless of what
be open with people regardless of what
be open with people regardless of what they think so I wrote a Facebook post
they think so I wrote a Facebook post
they think so I wrote a Facebook post the essence of which was that I struggle
the essence of which was that I struggle
the essence of which was that I struggle with depression and anxiety and even
with depression and anxiety and even
with depression and anxiety and even though it was hard for me to say that I
though it was hard for me to say that I
though it was hard for me to say that I knew that sharing my experiences would
knew that sharing my experiences would
knew that sharing my experiences would help others in the long run especially
help others in the long run especially
help others in the long run especially myself then I had post immediately I
myself then I had post immediately I
myself then I had post immediately I felt like I’d made a mistake my previous
felt like I’d made a mistake my previous
felt like I’d made a mistake my previous thoughts of being open they were gone it
thoughts of being open they were gone it
thoughts of being open they were gone it was better to live in this hidden misery
was better to live in this hidden misery
was better to live in this hidden misery than to live in public shame I thought
than to live in public shame I thought
than to live in public shame I thought to myself I hit refresh over and over
to myself I hit refresh over and over
to myself I hit refresh over and over and over again but there was no response
and over again but there was no response
and over again but there was no response on my post so far and I was freaking out
on my post so far and I was freaking out
on my post so far and I was freaking out I was actually about to hit the delete
I was actually about to hit the delete
I was actually about to hit the delete button because I was pretty certain
button because I was pretty certain
button because I was pretty certain everyone had seen it and they all hated
everyone had seen it and they all hated
everyone had seen it and they all hated me and then it started
me and then it started
me and then it started the support of replies poured in one
the support of replies poured in one
the support of replies poured in one after the other my close friends
after the other my close friends
after the other my close friends immediately messaged me saying that they
immediately messaged me saying that they
immediately messaged me saying that they were so sorry they had never known and
were so sorry they had never known and
were so sorry they had never known and asking why I had been afraid to tell
asking why I had been afraid to tell
asking why I had been afraid to tell them others just offered words of
them others just offered words of
them others just offered words of support and encouragement where a third
support and encouragement where a third
support and encouragement where a third very unique group actually identified
very unique group actually identified
very unique group actually identified with what I was saying sharing that they
with what I was saying sharing that they
with what I was saying sharing that they too were struggling with their mental
too were struggling with their mental
too were struggling with their mental health well this came as a complete
health well this came as a complete
health well this came as a complete shock to me I had expected none of this
shock to me I had expected none of this
shock to me I had expected none of this in fact that’s why I had been so scared
in fact that’s why I had been so scared
in fact that’s why I had been so scared to reveal my true self for the past
to reveal my true self for the past
to reveal my true self for the past several years but the exact opposite of
several years but the exact opposite of
several years but the exact opposite of the hatred and disgust I had expected
the hatred and disgust I had expected
the hatred and disgust I had expected was happening
was happening
was happening I wasn’t being told to be quiet I was
I wasn’t being told to be quiet I was
I wasn’t being told to be quiet I was being told to speak up and that’s when I
being told to speak up and that’s when I
being told to speak up and that’s when I realized something important the idea
realized something important the idea
realized something important the idea that we need to hide and live with
that we need to hide and live with
that we need to hide and live with mental illness is a stigma that we need
mental illness is a stigma that we need
mental illness is a stigma that we need to change because the stigma is what
to change because the stigma is what
to change because the stigma is what makes us feel shame now
makes us feel shame now
makes us feel shame now I’ve had friends come up to me ever
I’ve had friends come up to me ever
I’ve had friends come up to me ever since I came out with my depression and
since I came out with my depression and
since I came out with my depression and they’ve said things like you can do
they’ve said things like you can do
they’ve said things like you can do stuff and like it’s not that hard just
stuff and like it’s not that hard just
stuff and like it’s not that hard just pull up your bootstraps and get to it
pull up your bootstraps and get to it
pull up your bootstraps and get to it and yes I know that they’re trying to
and yes I know that they’re trying to
and yes I know that they’re trying to help but hearing that really just makes
help but hearing that really just makes
help but hearing that really just makes me feel more shame because the truth is
me feel more shame because the truth is
me feel more shame because the truth is I can’t help myself on my own I need
I can’t help myself on my own I need
I can’t help myself on my own I need others and I know now that I’m not alone
others and I know now that I’m not alone
others and I know now that I’m not alone within my high school my community my
within my high school my community my
within my high school my community my friends my family and almost 43 million
friends my family and almost 43 million
friends my family and almost 43 million Americans every single year struggle
Americans every single year struggle
Americans every single year struggle with some form of mental illness in fact
with some form of mental illness in fact
with some form of mental illness in fact 1/5 of the entire world struggles with
1/5 of the entire world struggles with
1/5 of the entire world struggles with mental health and this is just the
mental health and this is just the
mental health and this is just the people that report it so look around you
people that report it so look around you
people that report it so look around you right now look at the person next to you
right now look at the person next to you
right now look at the person next to you or the person that’s two seats away from
or the person that’s two seats away from
or the person that’s two seats away from you and for every 5 of you in a row it’s
you and for every 5 of you in a row it’s
you and for every 5 of you in a row it’s pretty likely that at least one of you
pretty likely that at least one of you
pretty likely that at least one of you is or will struggle with a mental
is or will struggle with a mental
is or will struggle with a mental illness at some point in your lives no
illness at some point in your lives no
illness at some point in your lives no it’s not noticeable you’re not gonna
it’s not noticeable you’re not gonna
it’s not noticeable you’re not gonna turn to the person next to you and see
turn to the person next to you and see
turn to the person next to you and see oh my god depression that’s not how it
oh my god depression that’s not how it
oh my god depression that’s not how it works
works
works but you know it’s it’s still there it’s
but you know it’s it’s still there it’s
but you know it’s it’s still there it’s under the surface and most importantly
under the surface and most importantly
under the surface and most importantly it’s okay
it’s okay
it’s okay mental Alyssa’s are not new they’ve been
mental Alyssa’s are not new they’ve been
mental Alyssa’s are not new they’ve been documented since the earliest written
documented since the earliest written
documented since the earliest written word but who here would actually admit
word but who here would actually admit
word but who here would actually admit that who would admit that they feel pain
that who would admit that they feel pain
that who would admit that they feel pain or unhappiness a perfect example of this
or unhappiness a perfect example of this
or unhappiness a perfect example of this actually is earlier this year I was
actually is earlier this year I was
actually is earlier this year I was beginning my college essay writing
beginning my college essay writing
beginning my college essay writing process and one of the first things that
process and one of the first things that
process and one of the first things that I was told was not to write about my
I was told was not to write about my
I was told was not to write about my depression ironically enough the second
depression ironically enough the second
depression ironically enough the second thing I was told was to be authentic my
thing I was told was to be authentic my
thing I was told was to be authentic my reaction exactly so I I asked I asked if
reaction exactly so I I asked I asked if
reaction exactly so I I asked I asked if someone writes about overcoming a sports
someone writes about overcoming a sports
someone writes about overcoming a sports injury or a traumatic surgery everyone
injury or a traumatic surgery everyone
injury or a traumatic surgery everyone says wow what a great story
says wow what a great story
says wow what a great story because well it is a great story so why
because well it is a great story so why
because well it is a great story so why can’t overcoming a mental health
can’t overcoming a mental health
can’t overcoming a mental health struggle also be a great story and I
struggle also be a great story and I
struggle also be a great story and I realized the answer it’s because there’s
realized the answer it’s because there’s
realized the answer it’s because there’s a disconnect in our minds between mental
a disconnect in our minds between mental
a disconnect in our minds between mental and physical health when they’re
and physical health when they’re
and physical health when they’re actually quite similar both required
actually quite similar both required
actually quite similar both required treatment both require compassion but
treatment both require compassion but
treatment both require compassion but most importantly neither of them can be
most importantly neither of them can be
most importantly neither of them can be solved by the power of one’s own will so
solved by the power of one’s own will so
solved by the power of one’s own will so I think back to that comment about not
I think back to that comment about not
I think back to that comment about not writing about my depression and what I
writing about my depression and what I
writing about my depression and what I asked actually they gave me two reasons
asked actually they gave me two reasons
asked actually they gave me two reasons why I shouldn’t the first it’ll make me
why I shouldn’t the first it’ll make me
why I shouldn’t the first it’ll make me seem like I’m at a risk to relapse and
seem like I’m at a risk to relapse and
seem like I’m at a risk to relapse and the second it makes me seem like I’m
the second it makes me seem like I’m
the second it makes me seem like I’m weak I will address relapsing first am I
weak I will address relapsing first am I
weak I will address relapsing first am I going to relapse well I’m actually still
going to relapse well I’m actually still
going to relapse well I’m actually still depressed it comes and goes and waves
depressed it comes and goes and waves
depressed it comes and goes and waves some mornings I wake up and I’m ready to
some mornings I wake up and I’m ready to
some mornings I wake up and I’m ready to tackle the world whereas others I
tackle the world whereas others I
tackle the world whereas others I actually can’t pull myself out of bed in
actually can’t pull myself out of bed in
actually can’t pull myself out of bed in all honesty I’m going to struggle with
all honesty I’m going to struggle with
all honesty I’m going to struggle with some form of depression my entire life
some form of depression my entire life
some form of depression my entire life it’s not gonna be some day I wake up and
it’s not gonna be some day I wake up and
it’s not gonna be some day I wake up and snap it’s gone
snap it’s gone
snap it’s gone that’s not how depression works but that
that’s not how depression works but that
that’s not how depression works but that doesn’t have to stop me from achieving
doesn’t have to stop me from achieving
doesn’t have to stop me from achieving my dreams from going out into the world
my dreams from going out into the world
my dreams from going out into the world and
and
and accomplishing the things I want to
accomplishing the things I want to
accomplishing the things I want to accomplish depression isn’t the end for
accomplish depression isn’t the end for
accomplish depression isn’t the end for me or anyone who struggles with it now
me or anyone who struggles with it now
me or anyone who struggles with it now to address the second thing I am NOT
to address the second thing I am NOT
to address the second thing I am NOT weak anyone who has ever struggled with
weak anyone who has ever struggled with
weak anyone who has ever struggled with their mental health is the farthest
their mental health is the farthest
their mental health is the farthest thing from weak and those that have had
thing from weak and those that have had
thing from weak and those that have had the courage to stand up to get help are
the courage to stand up to get help are
the courage to stand up to get help are stronger than anyone who has pretended
stronger than anyone who has pretended
stronger than anyone who has pretended that they or others aren’t struggling it
that they or others aren’t struggling it
that they or others aren’t struggling it takes so much courage to come forward it
takes so much courage to come forward it
takes so much courage to come forward it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do
is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do
is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life and I was surrounded
in my entire life and I was surrounded
in my entire life and I was surrounded by a support system of family and
by a support system of family and
by a support system of family and therapists and medication and friends
therapists and medication and friends
therapists and medication and friends that I didn’t even know were there
that I didn’t even know were there
that I didn’t even know were there sometimes I wonder if I would have even
sometimes I wonder if I would have even
sometimes I wonder if I would have even had that courage if I hadn’t had that
had that courage if I hadn’t had that
had that courage if I hadn’t had that kind of support to me that would have
kind of support to me that would have
kind of support to me that would have been impossible now I don’t want it to
been impossible now I don’t want it to
been impossible now I don’t want it to seem like I’m calling people who haven’t
seem like I’m calling people who haven’t
seem like I’m calling people who haven’t gotten that help week because that is
gotten that help week because that is
gotten that help week because that is not true I know what it’s like to
not true I know what it’s like to
not true I know what it’s like to struggle without help
struggle without help
struggle without help it takes an unimaginable amount of
it takes an unimaginable amount of
it takes an unimaginable amount of strength to survive but I urge you to
strength to survive but I urge you to
strength to survive but I urge you to consider this to come forward to find
consider this to come forward to find
consider this to come forward to find that kind of courage will help you find
that kind of courage will help you find
that kind of courage will help you find a new strength that enables you to be
a new strength that enables you to be
a new strength that enables you to be who you are so what can all of us do to
who you are so what can all of us do to
who you are so what can all of us do to help what can we do to get rid of the
help what can we do to get rid of the
help what can we do to get rid of the stigma surrounding mental illness I
stigma surrounding mental illness I
stigma surrounding mental illness I asked myself that two years ago and the
asked myself that two years ago and the
asked myself that two years ago and the truth is I knew the answer but I didn’t
truth is I knew the answer but I didn’t
truth is I knew the answer but I didn’t want to admit it because it meant that I
want to admit it because it meant that I
want to admit it because it meant that I had to step up so that’s the answer I’m
had to step up so that’s the answer I’m
had to step up so that’s the answer I’m gonna tell you today because it’s time
gonna tell you today because it’s time
gonna tell you today because it’s time that I stand up it’s time that we all
that I stand up it’s time that we all
that I stand up it’s time that we all stand up it comes down to individuals it
stand up it comes down to individuals it
stand up it comes down to individuals it comes down to you and you and you and me
comes down to you and you and you and me
comes down to you and you and you and me walking out of this auditorium being
walking out of this auditorium being
walking out of this auditorium being more willing to listen to others it
more willing to listen to others it
more willing to listen to others it comes down to you and me walking out of
comes down to you and me walking out of
comes down to you and me walking out of this auditorium and hearing what others
this auditorium and hearing what others
this auditorium and hearing what others have to say and not shooting them down
have to say and not shooting them down
have to say and not shooting them down listening to them
listening to them
listening to them accepting their reality I try to apply
accepting their reality I try to apply
accepting their reality I try to apply this to my own life I’m still in high
this to my own life I’m still in high
this to my own life I’m still in high school I’m a senior and sometimes I go
school I’m a senior and sometimes I go
school I’m a senior and sometimes I go to class and there’s this kid next to me
to class and there’s this kid next to me
to class and there’s this kid next to me that never does his homework and he
that never does his homework and he
that never does his homework and he plays it cool he’s like I didn’t feel
plays it cool he’s like I didn’t feel
plays it cool he’s like I didn’t feel like it and everyone just kind of laughs
like it and everyone just kind of laughs
like it and everyone just kind of laughs it off the teachers annoyed but what if
it off the teachers annoyed but what if
it off the teachers annoyed but what if that kid wasn’t just lazy what if he
that kid wasn’t just lazy what if he
that kid wasn’t just lazy what if he went home and the idea of taking out his
went home and the idea of taking out his
went home and the idea of taking out his pens papers binders notebooks pencils
pens papers binders notebooks pencils
pens papers binders notebooks pencils textbooks it was just it was
textbooks it was just it was
textbooks it was just it was overwhelming to him that idea was
overwhelming to him that idea was
overwhelming to him that idea was impossible and his cool attitude is the
impossible and his cool attitude is the
impossible and his cool attitude is the same thing as my happy persona he’s just
same thing as my happy persona he’s just
same thing as my happy persona he’s just trying to cover up the pain that he’s
trying to cover up the pain that he’s
trying to cover up the pain that he’s feeling if we walk out of this
feeling if we walk out of this
feeling if we walk out of this auditorium today and not only are we
auditorium today and not only are we
auditorium today and not only are we more willing to hear others but we’re
more willing to hear others but we’re
more willing to hear others but we’re more willing to share our own
more willing to share our own
more willing to share our own experiences to be open to encourage that
experiences to be open to encourage that
experiences to be open to encourage that kind of environment where people can
kind of environment where people can
kind of environment where people can lean on each other for support then I
lean on each other for support then I
lean on each other for support then I know we can make those impossible
know we can make those impossible
know we can make those impossible moments for people possible thank you
”
Be First to Comment