so what do you do when you get a diagnosis of bipolar disorder when I got
diagnosis of bipolar disorder when I got
diagnosis of bipolar disorder when I got mine in 2013 along with my prescription
mine in 2013 along with my prescription
mine in 2013 along with my prescription for a box of motor stabilizers until I
for a box of motor stabilizers until I
for a box of motor stabilizers until I didn’t know what to do whether to tell
didn’t know what to do whether to tell
didn’t know what to do whether to tell anyone on what was the lie ahead for me
anyone on what was the lie ahead for me
anyone on what was the lie ahead for me but what I did want to know was what it
but what I did want to know was what it
but what I did want to know was what it meant and what I was going to do about
meant and what I was going to do about
meant and what I was going to do about it for about a month I kept relatively
it for about a month I kept relatively
it for about a month I kept relatively quiet about my psyche at psychiatrists
quiet about my psyche at psychiatrists
quiet about my psyche at psychiatrists recent conclusion however eventually it
recent conclusion however eventually it
recent conclusion however eventually it appeared to be no secret for anybody
appeared to be no secret for anybody
appeared to be no secret for anybody that is unaware of what my bullet sort
that is unaware of what my bullet sort
that is unaware of what my bullet sort of is it was formerly known as manic
of is it was formerly known as manic
of is it was formerly known as manic depression and it can affect your moods
depression and it can affect your moods
depression and it can affect your moods by swinging from being in a depressive
by swinging from being in a depressive
by swinging from being in a depressive to an Olivia to stairs his common and
to an Olivia to stairs his common and
to an Olivia to stairs his common and can affects one in every 100 adults many
can affects one in every 100 adults many
can affects one in every 100 adults many people like myself I usually diagnosed
people like myself I usually diagnosed
people like myself I usually diagnosed when depressed bipolar disorder results
when depressed bipolar disorder results
when depressed bipolar disorder results in just over a nine-year reduction in
in just over a nine-year reduction in
in just over a nine-year reduction in expected life span and as many as one in
expected life span and as many as one in
expected life span and as many as one in five patients with bipolar disorder
five patients with bipolar disorder
five patients with bipolar disorder succeeds in taking their own life
succeeds in taking their own life
succeeds in taking their own life although bipolar disorder is equally
although bipolar disorder is equally
although bipolar disorder is equally common in men and women research
common in men and women research
common in men and women research indicates that approximately three times
indicates that approximately three times
indicates that approximately three times as many women as men experienced rapid
as many women as men experienced rapid
as many women as men experienced rapid cyclin bipolar disorder affects nearly 6
cyclin bipolar disorder affects nearly 6
cyclin bipolar disorder affects nearly 6 million American adults or about 2.6
million American adults or about 2.6
million American adults or about 2.6 percent of the u.s. population age 18
percent of the u.s. population age 18
percent of the u.s. population age 18 and over every year side effects can
and over every year side effects can
and over every year side effects can include a range of symptoms from having
include a range of symptoms from having
include a range of symptoms from having difficulty in concentrating and
difficulty in concentrating and
difficulty in concentrating and remembering things difficulty sleeping
remembering things difficulty sleeping
remembering things difficulty sleeping hallucinating self-doubt like in energy
hallucinating self-doubt like in energy
hallucinating self-doubt like in energy to being irritable easily destructed
to being irritable easily destructed
to being irritable easily destructed talking quickly being overjoyed
talking quickly being overjoyed
talking quickly being overjoyed hyperactive and having recent thoughts
hyperactive and having recent thoughts
hyperactive and having recent thoughts mania is an extreme alleviated stairs
mania is an extreme alleviated stairs
mania is an extreme alleviated stairs which can include extremely risky
which can include extremely risky
which can include extremely risky behavior
behavior
behavior but I myself have never experienced this
but I myself have never experienced this
but I myself have never experienced this I have experienced hypomania though in
I have experienced hypomania though in
I have experienced hypomania though in some of my depressive States I haven’t
some of my depressive States I haven’t
some of my depressive States I haven’t left the house for weeks upset for the
left the house for weeks upset for the
left the house for weeks upset for the skill ones to pick up my children I’ve
skill ones to pick up my children I’ve
skill ones to pick up my children I’ve cut off the outside world and I’ve
cut off the outside world and I’ve
cut off the outside world and I’ve barely looked after myself on the other
barely looked after myself on the other
barely looked after myself on the other hand I’ve jumped up and down on the bed
hand I’ve jumped up and down on the bed
hand I’ve jumped up and down on the bed randomly in the middle of the night
randomly in the middle of the night
randomly in the middle of the night being full of adrenaline along with my
being full of adrenaline along with my
being full of adrenaline along with my bedroom window wide open while singing
bedroom window wide open while singing
bedroom window wide open while singing loudly to the birds
loudly to the birds
loudly to the birds almost not caring who was listening or
almost not caring who was listening or
almost not caring who was listening or who I may potentially annoy so you
who I may potentially annoy so you
who I may potentially annoy so you probably wondering how did it all this
probably wondering how did it all this
probably wondering how did it all this come about well I think that my mental
come about well I think that my mental
come about well I think that my mental health problems began when I was
health problems began when I was
health problems began when I was approximately 16 years old I’d never
approximately 16 years old I’d never
approximately 16 years old I’d never known much middle ground in my life but
known much middle ground in my life but
known much middle ground in my life but what I did know as did others was that I
what I did know as did others was that I
what I did know as did others was that I was different
was different
was different by now I was told that I stood out for
by now I was told that I stood out for
by now I was told that I stood out for most people and I liked that I never
most people and I liked that I never
most people and I liked that I never once wanted to blend in unfortunately a
once wanted to blend in unfortunately a
once wanted to blend in unfortunately a year before I moved out so I will have
year before I moved out so I will have
year before I moved out so I will have been about 15 years old
been about 15 years old
been about 15 years old I spent mixing with the wrong crowd of
I spent mixing with the wrong crowd of
I spent mixing with the wrong crowd of people by getting it by getting in a
people by getting it by getting in a
people by getting it by getting in a trouble and I was up to up to nothing
trouble and I was up to up to nothing
trouble and I was up to up to nothing but pure mayhem I’m ashamed to admit
but pure mayhem I’m ashamed to admit
but pure mayhem I’m ashamed to admit that I think I became a bit of a drag of
that I think I became a bit of a drag of
that I think I became a bit of a drag of society within that space of time it’s
society within that space of time it’s
society within that space of time it’s just 16 years old I moved out of the
just 16 years old I moved out of the
just 16 years old I moved out of the family home and spent nine years in an
family home and spent nine years in an
family home and spent nine years in an abusive relationship with a psychopath I
abusive relationship with a psychopath I
abusive relationship with a psychopath I was bullied spat on conditioned spoken –
was bullied spat on conditioned spoken –
was bullied spat on conditioned spoken – like I was worthless controlled stocked
like I was worthless controlled stocked
like I was worthless controlled stocked mentally financially sexually and
mentally financially sexually and
mentally financially sexually and physically abused and so this was the
physically abused and so this was the
physically abused and so this was the downward spiral in my mental health that
downward spiral in my mental health that
downward spiral in my mental health that was just the beginning as sometimes had
was just the beginning as sometimes had
was just the beginning as sometimes had knives held – my thought and at one
knives held – my thought and at one
knives held – my thought and at one point I even had a fractured left hand
point I even had a fractured left hand
point I even had a fractured left hand and bruises on my body it wasn’t easy to
and bruises on my body it wasn’t easy to
and bruises on my body it wasn’t easy to walk away from that life and it was just
walk away from that life and it was just
walk away from that life and it was just easier to put up and to shut up
easier to put up and to shut up
easier to put up and to shut up whilst I was in this relationship age 19
whilst I was in this relationship age 19
whilst I was in this relationship age 19 by now I took on a fish and chip shop
by now I took on a fish and chip shop
by now I took on a fish and chip shop for six years with the help from my
for six years with the help from my
for six years with the help from my family members Tobias
family members Tobias
family members Tobias maybe not one of my best ideas but
maybe not one of my best ideas but
maybe not one of my best ideas but definitely a learning curve I must admit
definitely a learning curve I must admit
definitely a learning curve I must admit I had a love-hate relationship with my
I had a love-hate relationship with my
I had a love-hate relationship with my business and I say this because it’s
business and I say this because it’s
business and I say this because it’s what put food on my daughters bliss and
what put food on my daughters bliss and
what put food on my daughters bliss and it’s what I wanted at the time so that I
it’s what I wanted at the time so that I
it’s what I wanted at the time so that I could have more stability in my life on
could have more stability in my life on
could have more stability in my life on the bright side my shop was listed as
the bright side my shop was listed as
the bright side my shop was listed as one of the 50 in 50 top fish and chip
one of the 50 in 50 top fish and chip
one of the 50 in 50 top fish and chip shops in the UK and it was the only one
shops in the UK and it was the only one
shops in the UK and it was the only one north of Whitby to get the sea fish
north of Whitby to get the sea fish
north of Whitby to get the sea fish industry I thought the award it was
industry I thought the award it was
industry I thought the award it was ranked alongside a celebrity chefs fish
ranked alongside a celebrity chefs fish
ranked alongside a celebrity chefs fish and chips shop and mentioned in numerous
and chips shop and mentioned in numerous
and chips shop and mentioned in numerous national newspapers and magazines video
national newspapers and magazines video
national newspapers and magazines video interviews followed as did two
interviews followed as did two
interviews followed as did two photographers turning up at my shop to
photographers turning up at my shop to
photographers turning up at my shop to get their fair share of photos of myself
get their fair share of photos of myself
get their fair share of photos of myself with the award to say it was rather
with the award to say it was rather
with the award to say it was rather surreal was an understatement
surreal was an understatement
surreal was an understatement it’s on my wall in my house right now
it’s on my wall in my house right now
it’s on my wall in my house right now and I’m proud of that achievement
and I’m proud of that achievement
and I’m proud of that achievement nevertheless the roller coaster of my
nevertheless the roller coaster of my
nevertheless the roller coaster of my life continued I was about seven months
life continued I was about seven months
life continued I was about seven months pregnant at the time with my eldest
pregnant at the time with my eldest
pregnant at the time with my eldest daughter and my life literally changed
daughter and my life literally changed
daughter and my life literally changed overnight after my ex try to
overnight after my ex try to
overnight after my ex try to unsuccessfully take mine and my
unsuccessfully take mine and my
unsuccessfully take mine and my daughter’s life in a car crash I felt
daughter’s life in a car crash I felt
daughter’s life in a car crash I felt like I had to finally take matters into
like I had to finally take matters into
like I had to finally take matters into my own hands
my own hands
my own hands however I found myself being too scared
however I found myself being too scared
however I found myself being too scared to move on in my life so I drove him
to move on in my life so I drove him
to move on in my life so I drove him front of a lorry head-on instead I
front of a lorry head-on instead I
front of a lorry head-on instead I clearly didn’t know what I was thinking
clearly didn’t know what I was thinking
clearly didn’t know what I was thinking at the time look was obviously on his
at the time look was obviously on his
at the time look was obviously on his and my side that day the only thing that
and my side that day the only thing that
and my side that day the only thing that stopped me from driving into that lorry
stopped me from driving into that lorry
stopped me from driving into that lorry was the driver flushing his headlights
was the driver flushing his headlights
was the driver flushing his headlights and let that mamita
and let that mamita
and let that mamita I swerved my car to miss it I was alive
I swerved my car to miss it I was alive
I swerved my car to miss it I was alive but I was sick of my life I didn’t want
but I was sick of my life I didn’t want
but I was sick of my life I didn’t want today I just wanted my pain to end it
today I just wanted my pain to end it
today I just wanted my pain to end it was more of a cry for help
was more of a cry for help
was more of a cry for help I felt exhausted in everywhere and I
I felt exhausted in everywhere and I
I felt exhausted in everywhere and I wanted to leave the world behind as I
wanted to leave the world behind as I
wanted to leave the world behind as I thought that was my only way out from
thought that was my only way out from
thought that was my only way out from the outside looking in it would have
the outside looking in it would have
the outside looking in it would have appeared that I had absolutely
appeared that I had absolutely
appeared that I had absolutely everything a family a business a house
everything a family a business a house
everything a family a business a house and a car
and a car
and a car was maybe the case but behind closed
was maybe the case but behind closed
was maybe the case but behind closed doors it was a different story
doors it was a different story
doors it was a different story a house it was but a whore
a house it was but a whore
a house it was but a whore it was not my then partner it never did
it was not my then partner it never did
it was not my then partner it never did find out about my suicide attempt and so
find out about my suicide attempt and so
find out about my suicide attempt and so my life went on every day like Groundhog
my life went on every day like Groundhog
my life went on every day like Groundhog Day
Day
Day after some time I finally dared to move
after some time I finally dared to move
after some time I finally dared to move on I sold the business and moved house
on I sold the business and moved house
on I sold the business and moved house with just me and my eldest daughter I
with just me and my eldest daughter I
with just me and my eldest daughter I spoke to the police about my violent
spoke to the police about my violent
spoke to the police about my violent past and unfortunately with my case
past and unfortunately with my case
past and unfortunately with my case being historic by then and the fact I
being historic by then and the fact I
being historic by then and the fact I had little proof of what I had
had little proof of what I had
had little proof of what I had experienced and gone through the police
experienced and gone through the police
experienced and gone through the police couldn’t help me I wanted to help others
couldn’t help me I wanted to help others
couldn’t help me I wanted to help others not to go through what I had gone
not to go through what I had gone
not to go through what I had gone through so I started work as a police
through so I started work as a police
through so I started work as a police volunteer in domestic violence adult
volunteer in domestic violence adult
volunteer in domestic violence adult vulnerability and child abuse
vulnerability and child abuse
vulnerability and child abuse investigation sometimes spoke to victims
investigation sometimes spoke to victims
investigation sometimes spoke to victims signposted people for help and typed
signposted people for help and typed
signposted people for help and typed hundreds of transcripts of interviews
hundreds of transcripts of interviews
hundreds of transcripts of interviews for the police ready for court and I
for the police ready for court and I
for the police ready for court and I loved what I did I met somebody else
loved what I did I met somebody else
loved what I did I met somebody else moved house again had another child and
moved house again had another child and
moved house again had another child and eventually started married life I was in
eventually started married life I was in
eventually started married life I was in the relationship for about four years
the relationship for about four years
the relationship for about four years before we parted ways my complicated
before we parted ways my complicated
before we parted ways my complicated personal life continued disastrous toxic
personal life continued disastrous toxic
personal life continued disastrous toxic relationships followed but at the time
relationships followed but at the time
relationships followed but at the time but at the same time without what has
but at the same time without what has
but at the same time without what has happened in my life I wouldn’t be here
happened in my life I wouldn’t be here
happened in my life I wouldn’t be here and I won’t be where I am today it’s now
and I won’t be where I am today it’s now
and I won’t be where I am today it’s now 2017 roughly ten years since I was at
2017 roughly ten years since I was at
2017 roughly ten years since I was at the lowest points in my life now I’m
the lowest points in my life now I’m
the lowest points in my life now I’m stood telling you my story pleased that
stood telling you my story pleased that
stood telling you my story pleased that I failed at my suicide attempt in just
I failed at my suicide attempt in just
I failed at my suicide attempt in just over three years what have I done with
over three years what have I done with
over three years what have I done with that bipolar disorder diagnosis then
that bipolar disorder diagnosis then
that bipolar disorder diagnosis then wilter aired myself getting on the path
wilter aired myself getting on the path
wilter aired myself getting on the path to a better life I decided to teach
to a better life I decided to teach
to a better life I decided to teach myself what it was all about and the
myself what it was all about and the
myself what it was all about and the rest is basically history from then I
rest is basically history from then I
rest is basically history from then I set up a Facebook page which is called
set up a Facebook page which is called
set up a Facebook page which is called me bipolar and I and this is to help
me bipolar and I and this is to help
me bipolar and I and this is to help people with post-traumatic stress
people with post-traumatic stress
people with post-traumatic stress disorder depression and bipolar disorder
disorder depression and bipolar disorder
disorder depression and bipolar disorder which I have experience of all today
which I have experience of all today
which I have experience of all today that page has over 12,000 followers
that page has over 12,000 followers
that page has over 12,000 followers worldwide is recognized by the
worldwide is recognized by the
worldwide is recognized by the International bipolar foundation in the
International bipolar foundation in the
International bipolar foundation in the USA is looked at by police forces
USA is looked at by police forces
USA is looked at by police forces psychiatrists and all sorts of different
psychiatrists and all sorts of different
psychiatrists and all sorts of different people worldwide from there I’ve looked
people worldwide from there I’ve looked
people worldwide from there I’ve looked for things that can do and depart off
for things that can do and depart off
for things that can do and depart off I’ve been involved in TV and scientific
I’ve been involved in TV and scientific
I’ve been involved in TV and scientific research called a livid bipolar disorder
research called a livid bipolar disorder
research called a livid bipolar disorder classes in recovery college and
classes in recovery college and
classes in recovery college and university helped raise awareness by
university helped raise awareness by
university helped raise awareness by speaking to support provider’s met
speaking to support provider’s met
speaking to support provider’s met celebrities and spoken about mine and
celebrities and spoken about mine and
celebrities and spoken about mine and their experiences to them contributed to
their experiences to them contributed to
their experiences to them contributed to clinical assessments educated myself
clinical assessments educated myself
clinical assessments educated myself John interviews worked in a mental
John interviews worked in a mental
John interviews worked in a mental health hospital
health hospital
health hospital and community mental health team and
and community mental health team and
and community mental health team and become a member of different charities
become a member of different charities
become a member of different charities and joined a drop-in group as a
and joined a drop-in group as a
and joined a drop-in group as a volunteer to help people like myself
volunteer to help people like myself
volunteer to help people like myself I’ve also met with stuff in local
I’ve also met with stuff in local
I’ve also met with stuff in local businesses and tried to educate them too
businesses and tried to educate them too
businesses and tried to educate them too and I’ve even had my thoughts put in
and I’ve even had my thoughts put in
and I’ve even had my thoughts put in front of parliament members and most
front of parliament members and most
front of parliament members and most recently I’ve one the former deputy
recently I’ve one the former deputy
recently I’ve one the former deputy Prime Minister’s mental health hero
Prime Minister’s mental health hero
Prime Minister’s mental health hero award in 2015 out a 900 nominations
award in 2015 out a 900 nominations
award in 2015 out a 900 nominations there were approximately 40 ok winners
there were approximately 40 ok winners
there were approximately 40 ok winners of which I was one of the three in the
of which I was one of the three in the
of which I was one of the three in the Northeast to get that award it’s on my
Northeast to get that award it’s on my
Northeast to get that award it’s on my wall at home along with my fish and
wall at home along with my fish and
wall at home along with my fish and chips shop award I tried to be an
chips shop award I tried to be an
chips shop award I tried to be an advocate by speaking out blogging and
advocate by speaking out blogging and
advocate by speaking out blogging and campaigning I break in the silence and
campaigning I break in the silence and
campaigning I break in the silence and if poor people like myself spoke about
if poor people like myself spoke about
if poor people like myself spoke about mental illness there will be a lot less
mental illness there will be a lot less
mental illness there will be a lot less stigma and discrimination within society
stigma and discrimination within society
stigma and discrimination within society I speak for the silent but together we
I speak for the silent but together we
I speak for the silent but together we can be stronger in numbers you know when
can be stronger in numbers you know when
can be stronger in numbers you know when we learn how to work together versus
we learn how to work together versus
we learn how to work together versus against each other things might start
against each other things might start
against each other things might start get better so after years have been on
get better so after years have been on
get better so after years have been on different medications I’ve been totally
different medications I’ve been totally
different medications I’ve been totally free of them now for over eight months
free of them now for over eight months
free of them now for over eight months and I find that weightlifting and boxing
and I find that weightlifting and boxing
and I find that weightlifting and boxing benefit me too
benefit me too
benefit me too I hope my new partner and he helps me
I hope my new partner and he helps me
I hope my new partner and he helps me and we and he too has experience of
and we and he too has experience of
and we and he too has experience of mental health problems I don’t let
mental health problems I don’t let
mental health problems I don’t let bipolar disorder getting my where with
bipolar disorder getting my where with
bipolar disorder getting my where with what I want to achieve it’s not an
what I want to achieve it’s not an
what I want to achieve it’s not an excuse but an explanation of my behavior
excuse but an explanation of my behavior
excuse but an explanation of my behavior and just sometimes having bipolar
and just sometimes having bipolar
and just sometimes having bipolar disorder means waking up not knowing
disorder means waking up not knowing
disorder means waking up not knowing whether Tigger or a or maybe my making
whether Tigger or a or maybe my making
whether Tigger or a or maybe my making my decisions for me on a morning it
my decisions for me on a morning it
my decisions for me on a morning it doesn’t rule my world nor define me but
doesn’t rule my world nor define me but
doesn’t rule my world nor define me but it feels my passion and it inspires me
it feels my passion and it inspires me
it feels my passion and it inspires me to be honest without bipolar disorder I
to be honest without bipolar disorder I
to be honest without bipolar disorder I don’t think that I will be as mentally
don’t think that I will be as mentally
don’t think that I will be as mentally strong as I am today I find it a curse
strong as I am today I find it a curse
strong as I am today I find it a curse at times don’t get me wrong
at times don’t get me wrong
at times don’t get me wrong but more definitely a blessing and from
but more definitely a blessing and from
but more definitely a blessing and from it I now have a passion and a purpose in
it I now have a passion and a purpose in
it I now have a passion and a purpose in my life if there is one thing that you
my life if there is one thing that you
my life if there is one thing that you could take away from this speech then
could take away from this speech then
could take away from this speech then please remember to try and see the
please remember to try and see the
please remember to try and see the person and not the diagnosis I am NOT my
person and not the diagnosis I am NOT my
person and not the diagnosis I am NOT my diagnosis I am me change your fears
diagnosis I am me change your fears
diagnosis I am me change your fears change your boundaries
change your boundaries
change your boundaries change your limits and those choose your
change your limits and those choose your
change your limits and those choose your hobby as a job to go somewhere even if
hobby as a job to go somewhere even if
hobby as a job to go somewhere even if you have no idea where the world will
you have no idea where the world will
you have no idea where the world will take you choose to be excited about
take you choose to be excited about
take you choose to be excited about whatever your next idea may be move out
whatever your next idea may be move out
whatever your next idea may be move out of your comfort zone choose health and
of your comfort zone choose health and
of your comfort zone choose health and to look after yourself make yourself
to look after yourself make yourself
to look after yourself make yourself number one
number one
number one at times to help people even when you
at times to help people even when you
at times to help people even when you don’t want to help yourself to smile at
don’t want to help yourself to smile at
don’t want to help yourself to smile at the person who wasn’t smiling back at
the person who wasn’t smiling back at
the person who wasn’t smiling back at you choose to be different and to stand
you choose to be different and to stand
you choose to be different and to stand out not to be consumed by absolutely
out not to be consumed by absolutely
out not to be consumed by absolutely everything
everything
everything choose your thoughts not to be
choose your thoughts not to be
choose your thoughts not to be controlled by society and not be told
controlled by society and not be told
controlled by society and not be told what to do choose to not let trivial
what to do choose to not let trivial
what to do choose to not let trivial things get to you either
things get to you either
things get to you either be inspired by whatever may inspire you
be inspired by whatever may inspire you
be inspired by whatever may inspire you and to laugh when it’s totally
and to laugh when it’s totally
and to laugh when it’s totally inconvenient to do so be the person that
inconvenient to do so be the person that
inconvenient to do so be the person that everybody who genuinely wants to know
everybody who genuinely wants to know
everybody who genuinely wants to know until
until
until of the life that you live choose
of the life that you live choose
of the life that you live choose experiences over positions and also
experiences over positions and also
experiences over positions and also never give up choose life thank you
never give up choose life thank you
never give up choose life thank you [Applause]
”
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